Chapter Text
He knew it was too good to be good, he knew it would’ve never worked out and yet, here he was, feeling the sinking feeling of near despair and anguish clutching at his heart, squeezing it until he felt like he couldn’t breathe. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt so damn much. Who knew such a simple thing could this much pain? This much hurt? How could something so good, that felt so good at first. So warm and fuzzy turn out to be this painful?
God, he couldn’t breathe-- no correction-- he could breathe but he felt like he didn’t want to, not right now at least. He just wanted to sleep, to make the anguish he was feeling go away. No matter how much he willed himself to just close his eyes and sleep, the ever dull ache in his chest was a constant waking reminder of what he was feeling, of what he could never obtain.
“It hurts so bad…. It hurts… Make it stop!” He cried out to no one, alone in his thoughts, alone his room, alone to ponder on these feelings and alone to suffer with this heavy feeling resting on his chest. No one to comfort him, no one to tell him it’s okay to cry and let it all out.
Now that’s the funny thing, he couldn’t cry. It surprised himself, here he was, in emotional pain, an emotional wreck and yet he just couldn’t cry.
He felt empty and full all at once. Was that possible? Was it possible to feel nearly everything and nothing at the same time?
The beating of his heart pounding against his ribcage, resounding loudly in his ears. He could feel the pulsing beat everywhere in his body. Neck, chest, legs, arms, even his fingers. Everywhere, everywhere, he could feel it everywhere.
Long ago, he had been told unrequited love was the most emotionally painful thing you can go through-- he didn’t believe it back then; however, now he certainly does. Here he was, curled up in his bed, wrapped and covered in the duvets, curtains closed to block any light from coming in.
From the very beginning, he knew it would’ve been futile to hold feelings for this person and yet they clung to the single thread of hope that maybe, just maybe they’ll return his feelings.
Oh how wrong he was. Poor, poor soul, having to see the one he liked, the one he admired loving someone else. He wanted to support them, he wanted to see them happy and yet, yet he couldn’t bring himself to do it.
He was selfish, he clung to the hope that they’d break up after a day and the one he liked would come to him, would spill their feelings and they would start dating. Ah, such a wistful dream that is. What a blissful dream it would’ve been really.
His smile, his laugh, his voice. His eyes, his lips, just everything about him was perfect-- in his eyes at least.
The way he laughed so cheerfully and carefree, the way his voice caught the attention of everyone around him, the way his smile lit up the room. Eyes that shined so bright, it could rival a star’s shine. It was the simple things really that had him fallen in love before he knew it.
Even the quirks he noticed he found endearing, he grew to adore each quirk that the other possessed.
Just the thought of him sent a shuddering breath racking his body, pulling the sheets closer to him as an attempt to block out the pain he was feeling.
It was as if someone had just pierced his heart with something bigger than a spear, something more painful than any physical weapon. Instead of a cupid arrow to the heart at first, it twisted into something far more darker, more unpleasant and bitter.
It felt like it was drowning him, the way it buzzed and droned in his ears, accompanied by the loud beating of his pulsing heart which ached with each beat. Grief consuming him and a choked sob bubbling past his lips, ignoring the way his phone buzzed wildly on the nightstand of his bed.
The phone went silent but once again became active, signalling someone was trying to call him, most presumably to talk to him.
The boy didn’t feel like talking, he didn’t have the energy to even try to reach out of his covers to grab his phone. Chartreuse orbs watered with tears, pooling there and the moment he blinked, he felt the hot tears slide down his flushed cheeks, soft sniffles emitting from him.
Water, ah yes, water. The one thing he loved the most and yet, tears were water, but it just didn’t feel…. right. He loved the way it felt cool against his skin, but tears-- tears were hot and searing, leaving sticky streaks that itched at his cheeks.
This water just didn’t feel right to him. It felt weird, odd, it didn’t feel comfortable. No, he hated it. He wiped away the tears that just kept rolling down his flushed cheeks, staining his pillow beneath his head.
“It hurts….. It hurts… Why does it ‘hurt’? Please… Tell me why it ‘hurts’....” the boy murmured, curling even further into himself as he presses his fingers to his face to wipe away the onslaught of tears that roll down his cheeks, wetting his face, breathing erratic and the sobs shuddering his body every couple of seconds.
“Kaoru…. Why does it ‘hurt’?”