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so goddamn lucky

Summary:

He saw Uhura grab Jim’s hand, being careful around his wrist, and he put his left hand carefully up against Jim’s face as he started to run the regen down his body. Jim immediately tensed and turned his head away to press it into the ground. Bones hated this part, hated hurting someone in the process of making them better.
--
Jim sacrifices himself for his crew on an away mission. Bones fixes him up.

Notes:

so this is my first fic?? ever? i wrote it out of nowhere during a 10-hour car ride and then sat on it and edited it a week later. i feel pretty good abt it right now and figured i wld post it !

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

It was the longest three days of his life. The number of people brought in after the mission was astounding - M’Benga and Chapel just couldn’t handle it on their own and he knew it. And if having 15 various ensigns and officers to keep alive also kept him from worrying himself into a panic about Jim then that was his own business.

No one was completely clear on why what happened planet-side happened, other than the obvious signs of the race being far more warlike than anticipated. Those who weren’t as severely injured during the mission and could answer medical’s questions told them about highly advanced weapons and shields and the captain sacrificing himself just in time to save them.

“It’s a goddamn miracle none’a us lost any limbs with phasers like that I swear to god, you could fuckin’ hear ‘em power up from a light-year away no shit,” said Ensign Daret when asked, their trademark language not affected by half their hair being burnt off and a broken leg. “Y’all know if they’re workin’ to get the captain back? He fuckin’ saved us, y’know? You could tell he was scared shitless but fuck if he wasn’t brave, you snagged a good one Doc, lemme tell you – oh fuck I’m sorry I’m just worried y’know, I’m sure it’s worse for you Doc what with the whole dating for ten years thing, wait fuck, my bad, okay fuck I’ll shut up now –“

Bones didn’t hear the rest of what they said because he quickly excused himself into his office to breathe. God he was worried, his hands were shaking and he didn’t know if it was anxiety or exhaustion or both – three and half shifts in a row tends to do that – and fuck he was so worried. He didn’t know what to do without Jim – he learned how to live again after losing Joanna and his divorce with Jocelyn with Jim, he couldn’t do that again god –

“Okay stop, take it down a notch Len, he’s gonna be okay,” Chapel said, suddenly appearing in the doorway. “Seriously, you of all people know that Jim’s a fighter. You also know Spock and Scotty and Chekov are doing everything they can to find him.”

Bones forced himself to take a deep breath, “You’re right. That was unprofessional, I’m sorry, just gimme ten minutes and I’ll be back out there to keep helping.”

“No chance in hell, you’re going back to your quarters and getting some sleep. This is your what? Fourth shift? We both know that medical officers are only allowed two shifts in a row, so you shouldn’t even be here right now. And everyone’s stable, the storm’s passed. So you’re going to go take a shower and go back to your room. You have to get some rest Len.”

“I know. You’re right. You’re right,” he sighed, sitting down on the edge of the desk and putting his face in his hands. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Christine.”

“Honestly Len, you’re doing your best. And right now you’ve got to do your best to take care of yourself – go shower and take a sedative if you think you need one and go to sleep, as soon as you wake up you can come back but first, Get. Some. Sleep.”

He was dead asleep within 20 minutes and back to work in five hours. He pushed himself through another two shifts before M’Benga practically forced him out of the medbay, citing ‘Fleet medical code. He got maybe 10 hours total of shallow rest, and ultimately felt no qualms at all agreeing to be the medical officer of the landing party to pick Jim up. Three days in and most of the injured were recovering or at the very least stable, and even though he was exhausted like hell was he gonna let Jim see anyone but him first when they got him back.

--

He, Spock, Uhura, and a few security officers were beamed onto the planet as close as Scotty could safely get them to Jim. They rematerialized outside the back of what looked like a block of holding cells. The complex itself was easy to navigate and there was very little security, the race probably relying on their reputation as a safeguard. They eventually found Jim in a back room. The security officers stood guard outside while Spock started to set up some equipment designed to boost their signal so Scotty could beam them back on the ship without moving Jim.

It was surreal how things slowed down for Bones – he could feel himself slipping into his Medical Professional Mode. When he and Uhura reached Jim, lying facing away from the door, he put a hand on his hip and shoulder to gently lie him on his back to assess the damage. Fuck. It was already obvious how bad it was – he was completely limp (-not dead not dead not dead-) and one of his eyes was swollen shut, his right leg that was resting on top of the other when they came in fell at angle that was wrong, and his breath was coming out in labored puffs.

“Jim, can you hear me? It’s Bones, Jim, we’re gonna get you outta here okay?” he said while running the tricorder over his boyfriend’s body (- 4 cracked ribs, 2 broken ribs, internal bleeding, right tibia broken, right ankle and left wrist sprained, concussion, malnutrition, slight dehydration, lacerations on his back, face, and arms, right eye socket - ). Jim let out a faint groan.

“Hey Jim we gotta go, okay? You gotta get up.” Jim blinked open his good eye and Bones’ shoulders sagged in relief. He moved one hand to his med bag and started digging for his regenerator to try and stop the internal bleeding.

“Bone’? Tha’ you?” Jim rasped; his voice sounded horrible.

“Yeah it’s me, it’s Bones, we’re gonna get you outta here so you gotta stay awake,” he said, shooting a grateful look at Uhura for moving his hand and finding him the regenerator. “Look at me okay? This is gonna hurt but it’ll only be for a bit a’right? This is gonna stop your ribs from hurtin’ so bad but it’s gonna sting, so you gotta stay with me.”

He saw Uhura grab Jim’s hand, being careful around his wrist, and he put his left hand carefully up against Jim’s face as he started to run the regen down his body. Jim immediately tensed and turned his head away to press it into the ground. Bones hated this part, hated hurting someone in the process of making them better.

“Bones it hur’s,” Jim slurred, moving his hand to grab Bones’ leg weakly.

“I know sweetheart, I know, it’s almost over okay? It’s almost over I promise.” He moved his hand to Jim’s. It was bad, this was bad – he was never this quiet when something like this happened, he was always trying to convince Bones and everyone else how okay he was, how it was barely a scratch Bones god, how he could really go for some proper Terran coffee right now because the replicator just couldn’t get the flavor just right could it? But this, fuck, Jim was barely here, barely lucid, this was scary – he could see him biting his lip to stop from making noise and the grip on his thigh was getting tighter the longer the regen was on him. “S’almost over Jim, almost done and then we’re going back to the ship. Spock’s over there and he’s working on it right now.”

“Bones.” His voice was strained, like he had to fight to get the word past his teeth. God Bones hated everyone who had even the smallest part to do with this.

“I know darlin’, I know. Don’t try and talk, it’s okay,” he said as he ran the machine over the last of it. Jim gasped and then winced as his still-sensitive ribs were moved too quickly. “And we’re done, you did it, we’re done. Spock you almost finished? We gotta get him outta here.”

“Yes Doctor, it will take approximately a minute and a half more,” Spock answered without looking up from his work. The tension in his shoulders was visible from across the room and Uhura went over to see if she could help.

“Bones it hur’s,” Jim whispered again, pulling Bones’ attention back to him. His head was lolling and his eyes wouldn’t focus. Bones put down the regenerator and moved his hand to rest on Jim’s chest. He couldn’t do anything for the concussion here and he was worried the break in his leg would need resetting – they needed to be back on the Enterprise.

“Where? Where does it hurt, so I can help sweetheart.”

“My head, leg.” His voice was so rough god, what did they do to him? “’m so tired Bone’.”

“I know darlin’, you can’t go to sleep though okay? You gotta stay awake, gotta stay with me,” Bones said, looking him over again and noticing tracks on his neck, fuck. Fuck. Who even still uses needles like that anymore? “Sweetheart, do you remember them giving you somethin’? It would’ve stung your neck.”

“Yeah, was blue, it burned.”

Fuck.

“Okay, d’you remember what it was? Did they tell you?” he asked, hoping against hope. Why didn’t the tricorder pick this up?

“No, ‘m sorry.”

“S’okay sweetheart, not your fault.” Bones moved his hand to rest in his hair.

“It’s finished,” Spock said suddenly. The security officers came back into the room and took hold of the device while Spock reached out his hand, “Doctor, if you would.”

He couldn’t touch Spock and Jim at the same time, so Uhura joined them and they dematerialized onto the bridge.

--

Chapel was already there with a biobed lowered to the floor when they were put back together again. Bones moved to his head and Christine to his feet and they carefully lifted Jim onto the bed. His barely concealed groan went through Bones like a physical blow.

“Internal bleeding, 4 cracked ribs, 2 broken ribs all fixed with the regen but I wanna go back over them, his leg needs to be set, it’s real mangled, he has a concussion, possibly severe, his left wrist is sprained I’m not sure how badly, and they gave him something the tricorder didn’t pick up but there’s visible tracks on his neck, so who knows what that means, and he needs a hypo of nutrients,” Bones said in a rush, eager to get started with Chapel.

“Alright, I’ll start in on his leg and wrist, you double-check his internal bleeding, and I’ll have some nurses take some blood see what we can see there and get some nourishment hypos, does that sound good?” she responded.

“Yeah, sounds good. Have M’Benga do the blood work if he can be spared, okay?” he said, unspeakably grateful for her. “And you – “ pointing to a nurse standing in the door of the medbay, “- we need a CAT scan for the captain right now.”

“Yessir,” he said, clearly having been waiting for them to return to help.

“Bones wha’s happ’ning?” Jim said, his good hand opening and closing on the bed beside him.

“We’re getting you fixed up, darlin’, Christine ‘n’ I’re right here, we’re gonna get you feeling better,” he said while pulling the bigger, better in-house regenerator over to the bed. “Okay, sweetheart this is gonna hurt again, I’m real sorry, it’s not gonna last as long as last time though, okay? It’s only for a few seconds.”

Jim nodded slightly and then squeezed his good eye shut and clenched his fists when it started up. He bit his bottom lip almost to bleeding. God Bones hated this part. He waved over one of the medical ensigns and motioned to them to start taking some blood, wanting to make sure Jim wasn’t in pain for longer than he had to be.

“No! No more, please, I told you -,” Jim said as soon as the hypo was pressed to his arm, almost pleadin. Bones could feel his heart breaking as Jim went on like that, fuck.

“Jim sweetheart it’s almost over I promise, you’re on the Enterprise, you’re not with them anymore. Jim open your eyes, it’s alright,” Bones said as he beckoned for another ensign to take over the regen. He moved to the front of the biobed and put his hands on Jim’s face and in his hair, “Hey, darlin’ I’m right here, open your eyes sweetheart.”

As soon as the ensign was finished drawing blood Jim opened his good eye again and seemed to come back to himself, thank god. He relaxed even more when the regen’s work was done, practically sinking into the mattress.

“Bones, the crew, are they ‘kay?” he slurred after finally focusing his eyes on Bones’ worried face. He saw the CAT scanner finally being brought over from the corner of his eye.

“Yeah Jim, everyone’s okay, they’re all fine,” Bones responded, moving away long enough to pull the scanner towards Jim’s head. Fuck.

“I should start in on his leg, Doctor, so now’s the time to put him under if you think he can be,” Chapel said, suddenly appearing at the foot of the bed, obviously just coming back from comming M’Benga and waiting for the regen to finish before starting anything else, wanting to make it easier for both the captain and the doctor.

“Gimme just a minute to run the scanner, take care’a his wrist in the meantime though. Was Geoff busy? Is he gonna be able to work on the blood tests?”

“He isn’t on shift but I comm’d him anyway and he’s on his way over right now,” Chapel said. God he loved this woman. He gave her a look that he hoped conveyed his immense gratitude from above the scanner.

“Okay it looks like he has a slight concussion but not enough of one to justify not giving him a sedative for the leg, you run and go get 50 CCs of methohexital, not ketamine, he’s allergic to that,” he said to the ensign who brought the scanner. Jim groaned suddenly as Chapel fixed his wrist. Bones flinched and was suddenly very glad about being able to put him under for his leg.

“Jim? I’m gonna give you something to help you sleep okay?” Bones said, taking the hypo out of the nurse’s hand and injecting it into his neck much more gently that he usually does. Jim just nodded his head while his eyes slipped close.

--

Five hours later, and Bones was relatively happy with where he’d gotten Jim – stable and hopefully comfortable. Fixing his leg had taken longer than anticipated, the break not nearly as clean as it looked, and whatever those bastards had given him was nasty – kept making his blood pressure shoot up outta nowhere and made it hard for him to breathe for no discernible reason. M’Benga thought he finally found what it was three hours in, some obscure strain of alien something that Bones had never even heard of despite his long and varied career, and they actually had a cure that Jim wasn’t allergic to. It looked like he was going through the after-effects of whatever it was. Ultimately they just needed to wait that one out, but Bones was confident in Geoff’s assessment of Jim being okay.

Spock and Uhura and all the rest had come by alone or in twos or threes throughout them getting Jim fixed up. The landing party that were able to leave their beds made their way over to do the same. They made sure not to get in the way, but Bones could feel their anxiety through his own, their worry palpable. He answered all their questions, half to reassure them and half to reassure himself, talking through whatever he was doing to make sure it made sense. Spock and Uhura stayed longer than the rest, long enough to see Scotty and Chekov come and go separately, not asking too many questions but watching and making sure Jim was okay. Bones thought it had something to do with them seeing Jim when they first found him, but whatever the reason, he appreciated it, felt the same way.

Later, he was standing by the side of Jim’s bed, dazedly looking over his vitals one more time, when Chapel came over and put her hand on his shoulder, “You did good Leonard, he’s gonna be fine. Go get some rest, we both know how little you’ve been sleeping the past few days. Also, I’ve got the rest of gamma shift to get through and I can’t have you moping around my medbay.”

Bones’ lips quirked up into a grin, “Your medbay?”

“Yes, my medbay. Now go take a shower at least, I’ll set up a bed in your office.”

“Thanks Christine. Honestly, for everything today,” he said. God it wasn’t enough, but it was all he could give right now. She pulled him into a hug.

“You’re welcome Len. Now go, you stink and the rest of the patients shouldn’t have to deal with that on top of everything else,” she pulled away and smiled at him, and he good-naturedly grumbled his way out of the medbay.

--

He was just dozing off in his office when he heard a shout from Christine outside. He got up, pulled some pants on, and went to see what was wrong. Christine urgently waved him over to Jim’s bed and, alarmed, he ran over.

Jim was in the middle of a nightmare, and Chapel was holding him down, calling his name and trying to wake him up. Bones took over as soon as he got there, feeling sick at seeing Jim struggling under him.

“Should we give him another sedative?”

“I’m worried about loading up his system with too much, I don’t know anything about what M’Benga gave him and I don’t want to make a mistake, if it gets worse we’ll comm him – I got this from here Christine, thank you for gettin’ me,” Bones said quickly. She touched his arm then, quietly giving what comfort she could, and gave them some privacy.

“Jim, darlin’, it’s Bones, it’s me, wake up sweetheart. It’s a’right, you’re on the Enterprise, you’re fine, you’re fine, your crew’s okay,” he babbled, hoping it would get through to him. Jim didn’t usually get nightmares like this, but fuck when they were bad they were really bad.

“No! Leave ‘em alone, I can’t I ca-“ Jim gasped, hand balling into fists at his sides, “Please, fuck, I can’t, no NO BONES!”

He was almost knocked off his feet when Jim surged up shouting into Bones’ neck, waking himself up panting.

“Jim! Honey it’s okay, ‘m right here ‘m –“ he wrapped his arms around Jim, putting one hand on the back of his head, frantic to help.

“Bones?” Jim said, pulling back from him, his hair sticking up in the back and his eyes wild. He put his hands of Bones’ sides, making he was there. “You’re okay?” he said, his voice still so rough, cheeks tear-tracked.

“I’m okay, I swear sweetheart, I’m okay,” he said, taking one hand away to pull the blanket off Jim and getting into the bed himself, sitting cross-legged in between Jim’s legs and putting his hands up against Jim’s neck and face. He was shaking.

“And the landing party?” he asked, still breathing hard.

It’s gonna break his goddamn heart, this kid’s concern for everyone but himself.

“They’re all okay – banged up but alright. Me and M’Benga and Chapel patched ‘em up.” He could still feel Jim shaking under his hands and pulled him flush against his chest.
He started tearing up and pressed his face into Jim’s neck. God he was so fucking grateful he got him back.

“Stay in bed with me?” Jim asked quietly. He nodded into his neck and then adjusted them so he was on his back with Jim laying over him, a leg hooked between his own and an ear pressed against his chest.

“I love you so much sweetheart, I was so worried, I love you so goddamn much,” Bones whispered impulsively into Jim’s hair when they got settled.

He squeezed Bones’ sides, whispered back, “I love you too. I’m sorry for scaring you.”

Bones hugged him, being careful of his sore ribs, and buried his face in Jim’s hair, blinking back tears, relief unnamable in its immensity washing through him. The worst three days of his life were over, he was so goddamn lucky.

Notes:

i don't know what the fuck a hypo is or does tbh