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Michael remembers the fire exploding around him. He’s practiced this before by setting a timer on his watch and when the bombs went off it would reverse him back to where he was before. Despite Michael not doing that this time, he ended up back in bed.
Booster sits up, panting and abruptly full of adrenaline. He hurries to the bathroom mirror where he stares at his face. He proceeds to touch his face with his finger tips, then presses his palm flatly against his cheek.
“Booster! I know you know where the laundry went!” Ted calls out. It’s the same exact thing he said this morning, except that now it is the morning. Somehow, Booster has gone back in time. Maybe it’s a coincidence…it has to be, right?
Booster immediately thinks of Rip. A sudden guilt overtakes him as he thinks that he’s been a fuck-up again and ruined yet another relationship, but then hours later Rip comes by acting normal enough. When Booster asks if he’s seen any anomalies he gets questioned by Rip. Rip expresses the importance of maintaining the time stream and other useless things that Booster’s already well aware of.
“Let me get my suit!” Booster says, playing off their conversation. However, when he gets his suit, there’s only one watch. He calls out into the living room, “Uh, Ted, do you know where my other gadget is?” Instead of Ted, Rip comes in with a glare. “You lost it?” he scolds as though he’s the more mature one out of the two of them, which he probably is. Before Booster can answer, Rip says, “God, I miss the older version of you.”
“Nice to know that you’re still stalking me in the future,” Booster says, a bit sarcastic but mainly intending it to be a joke. The rest of what happens isn’t the most important except for Rip chiding at Booster Gold and telling dramatic stories of what could happen if he doesn’t get his watch back. Booster zones out to wonder, If I’m in the future then maybe I am meant to live longer.
It takes four days. Booster should’ve known that the positivity wouldn’t last long. Whatever he’s feeling is like genuine torture. He has never wanted to claw off his skin like this before. He used to be optimistic and idealistic about everything, but then again maybe he wasn’t. He can’t tell where Michael begins and Booster Gold ends. It’s like how Bruce decided to completely become his hero persona, but in Booster’s case he had to change himself to change the persona, which left a bunch of holes where Michael used to be. Maybe he left one too many holes.
As he stands on the top of the building, Michael-no, Booster-tells himself that he’s only doing this to test a theory, but in all honesty he doesn’t quite care if his theory doesn’t work. He’s selfish, he thinks. He’s leaving Ted, but it’s one man versus the world right now and the world is winning.
Booster leaps off. He squeezes his eyes shut in fear. He tells himself that his survival instincts will kick in and he’ll end up flying away and having a panic attack like normal, but his body doesn’t. In fact, nothing occurs. It’s…endless.
And suddenly he’s back in the league watchtower.
Booster stares blankly at the massive window that allows them to see space. Magic. It has to be, right? He tries thinking more about it, but Superman interrupts him. “Your heart rate just jumped extremely high. You should see a doctor,” he informs the man. Booster supposes that he should be grateful that, despite the man despising him, he told Booster information when he thought he needed to know something. Actually, it may be the first time that’s ever happened. Maybe he really should jump off more roofs.
“Have you noticed anything?” Booster questions, trying not to seem interrogating. Superman is silent before beginning to float off. Booster, of course, follows. “It’s important!” he insists. He sounds like he does any other day because, truthfully, he doesn’t know how to take this seriously. If this situation happened Ted or Wonder Woman or Vixen or literally anybody else, even Guy Gardner, he’d be able to take this situation seriously without question, but because the situation concerns himself he just can’t. His brain almost physically won’t allow it.
“I’m serious, Booster. Get that checked out,” Superman partly-warns. Booster raises his hands in defense as Superman flies off. He then gets struck with an idea: The Flash. Booster is highly aware that the man can reverse time, but why would he do it to save Booster? Maybe he needs Booster to keep fixing the timeline, except that Rip’s there for that. Booster will think more about it later. First, he has to find Barry.
When he sees the man, he’s searching through the fridge and muttering. “Can you hand me that sandwich?” Booster asks. It isn’t actually his, but he feels like he needs to start the conversation some way. As Barry grabs the sandwich, Booster questions him, “Do you know anything about time?”
“No. Why?”
“You can go back and I’ve been noticing inconsistencies.”
“I’m not careless like that. The only time I did it was once, and it ended horribly.”
Barry hands Booster the sandwich by pushing it to his chest. “You can ask Wally, but he’ll say the same. There’s Bart, too, but he’s supposed to be here, otherwise I assume that you’d have fixed it,” Barry lets him know. Booster nods, then watches Barry walk away to steal some food from Hal. Once the man isn’t looking, he stuffs the sandwich back in the fridge, proceeding to look back and forth in the room to make sure that nobody was watching.
Over the next few days, Batman keeps him impossibly busy. At least Batman is actually talking to him the whole time over comms and asking him for help. He feels included in an odd way. While he’s in Gotham over the next five days, he thinks about how whoever’s doing this has yet to give him his watch back, but they’ve also had yet to rewind time. Booster has been wracking his brain about it. He would tell Ted, but Ted will ask him questions. He can’t blame Ted for that, but it’d be both annoying and highly nerve-wracking.
Booster is currently sitting on a roof with his head on his fist. If I take off this suit, maybe I won’t remember dying, he thinks to himself. And I’ll just do it over and over without even knowing. Cycles terrify Booster, but at least not knowing about said cycle might make it better….No. What is he thinking? Of course it wouldn’t…Would it?
Booster ends up getting dressed in the bathroom of the hotel that he’s on because he didn’t time how long he was out and realized a bit too late that it’ll be day soon. Plus, the people of Gotham are downright brutal to anyone who isn’t Batman. Truthfully, it’s somewhat horrifying.
He hears somebody on the steps behind him. “Bats, I-” he begins as he turns around with his suit in his hands, but he’s cut off by a punch to his left jaw. He lets out a startled sound and stumbles backward. Standing there is himself, but much more…blegh.
“You’re from another timeline?” Booster guesses. “C’mon, I’ve done this before. It’s really not a big deal.” The other Booster, who Michael decides to nickname “Gold”, downright glares at him before his expression shifts to a more blank one, though there are still visible hints of anger.
“No. I just wanted to do that,” the man claims. Booster lets out a disbelieving laugh. Booster’s petty, but he never thought that he’d become that petty, especially when it comes to messing with the timeline. Booster looks down at “Gold’s” wrist. The other Booster also only has one watch on the same hand that Booster has his on. Or, had his on before he took it off.
“Did you take it?” Booster asks. Gold doesn’t answer, his jaw set. Booster wants to open his mouth again and break the tension, but something about this Booster is full of hatred. Gold rushes forward, causing Booster to try dodging, but because he doesn’t have his suit on he’s noticeably slower. The other Booster lifts him into the air from under his armpits.
“Where are we going?” Booster asks, talking loudly over the rushing air. The other Booster doesn’t answer, even after Booster starts nagging. Gold finally lands at the Gotham docks. Booster walks around the dock, beginning to feel a bit tired. “Is this another time mission?” Booster asks, proceeding to notify the man, “Because it has to wait until tomorrow.-”
“No. I just…I don’t know what to say.”
“Okay, weird…Why are we here?”
“Bruce saves you if you don’t come here.”
Booster swallows, feeling unsettled, although keeps his cool like always. “You mean ‘Bats.’ He doesn’t like when people say his name while he’s busy being ‘mysterious.’”
“‘Bats’ isn’t much better.”
“Hal calls him-”
“Are you on the same basis with him like Hal is?”
Booster furrows his eyebrows, wondering where this is leading. He knows that Gold wants him to tell the truth and answer “no,” but Booster’s persona comes out and he jokes, “Me and Bats are close, like this.” He twists his fingers together.
“I know you pretend to not take things seriously, and sometimes you genuinely don’t, but you can’t fool me. I’m you.”
Booster’s smile leaves. “Okay, tough crowd,” he mumbles. He drops his suit and crosses his arms, looking the other Booster up and down. “You look…exactly like me. Except that you look like you could use a nap. Maybe some therapy,” Booster says. Gold scoffs, though smiles for the slightest second as if reminiscing about something.
“You’re one to talk.”
Suddenly, Gold walks forward. Booster doesn’t get scared because, after all, Gold is him, but then Gold puts his hands on Booster’s neck and Booster roughly shoves him off, but it only works for a moment.
Gold grips him by the jaw and holds him up. Booster looks at where his suit and watch are on the floor. He kicks at Gold, but the man seems entirely unbothered. Booster notices then that he has a ring on his right hand’s left finger. Booster’s eyes widen. Gold notices.
“You need to do this right now. It’ll break him if you don’t,” Gold states. Booster claws at Gold’s wrist as the man walks forward until Booster is hanging over the water. He tries one last time to talk to the man, “Wait, don’t-”
Gold drops him into the water. Booster grabs onto the dock, gasping for air, but Gold is there to forcefully shove him back down. Booster’s mind goes blank as survival takes over. Booster tries to punch the man or do literally anything to get him off, but Gold is up higher than him and doesn’t have to fight to stay afloat.
Then, the pressure stops and Booster emerges from the water gasping. He throws himself onto the dock, staring at the sky that will soon turn to day. All he can think is, Oh. Gold is gone. Booster knows that people in time don’t disappear for no reason.
Does he not exist in the future anymore? Does Booster really kill himself?? Booster doesn’t feel devastated or even sad, just…empty. Maybe disappointed. He doesn’t know. Booster looks over at his watch and suit. He doesn’t think that his other watch is back, but he’s too far to know for sure. He can’t tell. Does it even matter?
He doesn’t move. He can’t at first, but then he slowly sits up. He goes to a boat and unties the anchor to the boat. He wonders which foot he should tie it to before pushing himself off. He thinks of Ted, but Booster knows that he can’t help him, especially not like this.
“Booster,” a relieved voice behind him says. It may as well be the most emotion that Booster has heard out of Bruce. Booster merely stares at him, standing completely still.
Bruce jumps onto the boat. “I’m fine,” Booster whispers in an attempt to get Bruce to leave him alone. Bruce ignores him, rather dragging Booster away by his arm. Booster isn’t even angry this time. He isn’t pushing Bruce away because he thinks that he’s finally done it: he’s managed to push away everything and self-sabotage so badly that it’ll be all over now. Or, it will be soon.
Bruce grabs Booster’s suit and throws it in his car, guiding Booster to get in. Inside the car, when Booster looks at Bruce, he can see his expression. “...Are you scared?” Michael asks, much too quiet. Bruce doesn’t respond, his grip on the wheel tight. It takes Booster a moment to process what the man’s expression means. He knows, Booster thinks to himself. Slowly, Booster sits up, his expression more open, as he realizes something. “You took it,” Booster states. He knows now. He knows where his watch went.
Bruce doesn’t answer, his head lowered as he stares at the road through his eyebrows. Neither of them say anything until they’re at the cave. When Booster gets out, he slams the door. He shouldn’t be angry, and he’s aware that he shouldn't, so why does he feel so betrayed?
“That…you took my stuff,” Booster says. There’s something about his voice that is more blank now. Maybe it’s because his energy has been taken from him. Bruce still doesn’t speak, leading Booster to a bed. Booster lets out a disbelieving laugh. “Am I a patient now?” he asks. He’s smiling, but it’s not one of happiness, more like a point at Bruce for having the audacity to save him. Bruce straightens up, trying to keep up his Batman persona on the outside. “Wasn’t just me,” he says.
“What ‘wasn’t just you?’”
“They don’t know about the time traveling, but Ted and Barry noticed you…They wanted to help.-”
“Then maybe they should’ve tried harder.”
“Yeah…maybe.”
A silence falls over them. Booster looks down at the floor. “Why didn't you stop me those times I tried to die?” he asks. Bruce looks ashamed, almost. Bruce responds, “I knew that I couldn’t stop you.” Booster understands him. He knows what it’s like to be helpless stopping something. He couldn’t save Barbra or Ted or even himself.
“I want to say that I need you to stay alive for some practical reason, which is half-true,” Bruce speaks as he looks to the side. “but I…missed you.”
“I thought you didn't mess with time.”
“I don’t know why I did this. No, I do know why I did this. It was to save you.”
“Even if everything went to Hell?”
“Yes. Even if everything went to Hell.”
Booster can’t stop staring at the man. “The watch. I got it off of your dead body,” Bruce informs him. He sounds oddly professional, but Booster knows him well enough to know he’s masking something. What that something is, Booster does not know, but maybe that doesn’t matter, either.
“You just…wanted to? Booster asks. Booster’s messed up the timeline before, but at least he had some fucked up logic as to why he did it. The only time he went back and forced a change was with…Ted. He did the same thing to Ted. He did it because he cared. Bruce did it because he cared. Not Batman, but Bruce.
Slowly, Bruce backs up, proceeding to unlock a drawer and get something out of it. He approaches Booster again with a nervousness that Booster can’t see. He gently grabs Booster’s wrist, lifts it, then places the watch in it. He closes Booster’s fist, then looks at him. Booster tries to say “Thank you,” but every time he tries the word gets cut short. Bruce stops him, “Don’t. You living is thanks enough.”
Bruce clears his throat and stands to the side as if he’s said something to stupid, but to Booster his viewpoint has changed once again. What if the future him disappeared because he didn’t want to go back and murder the past version of himself anymore? Booster can’t know for sure, but the thought of this torture ending is reason enough to keep going. Booster realizes that he’s been looking at it the wrong was entirely.
Killing himself extends the torture, not to himself, but to everyone. Everyone will think of him as forever this age and never getting happy. Ending himself won’t end this story of him.
Huh.
“While we’re doing this whole ‘admission thing,’ I should come clean,” Booster says as he places a hand on the back of his neck out of habit. Bruce appears more interested than depressed now, so he continues, “I went back to save Ted. But, it took a lot of tries. I…I erased a year. I know that wasn’t responsible and you’ll have my ass for it later, but a lot of what’s been happening is a consequence of that.” Booster winces.
“Why should I be upset you saved someone? That’s what we do.”
“Because…I messed it up.”
“Was it a ‘mess up’ when you tried to save Barbra?”
“I failed at saving her.”
“Yet you still tried many times, just like you did with Ted.”
Booster smiles. “It wasn’t easy,” he tells Bruce. “I’m sure I could make a movie with how many times I went back.” Unexpectedly, Bruce asks Booster, “Does he know?”
“Oh, no. You know I like keeping things quiet.”
“You should tell him. I can’t help you like he can.”
“You’ve actually…kinda helped a lot.”
Booster stands up. “It’s not all fixed, but I think I know what to do,” he says. He thinks to himself, Let’s just hope I have the balls to do it. But really what other option is there? It’s this or death.
When Booster gets home he dings Rip. When Rip responds to the ping and forms inside Booster’s house, he looks around, fully expecting to be stepping into some sort of battlefield. Then, he scrunches his face. With a sigh, he asks, “What’s it this time?” Booster claps his hands together, trying to figure out how to say this. Not being good at words, he says without much thought, “I killed myself.”
“What the fuck?”
“Okay, yeah, that was a bad way to start it.”
Booster tries keeping it vague, but Rip keeps dragging out more and more information from him. Booster is acting like it’s no big deal and chuckling between sentences. Rip immediately hugged the man once it was all over.
Booster probably should’ve known that the man wouldn’t have kept his mouth shut. Even after Rip told Ted about what Booster did, Booster found that he still didn’t regret telling Rip what he did, not actually. Hell, he still doesn’t, oddly enough.
Ted actually cried. It both made Booster feel guilty and…strangely happy. He knew the man cared, but seeing it come out like this made him understand that Booster dying isn’t something that Ed would be strong enough to move on from.
“Don’t you dare say you regret it,” Ted said with a both angry and firm look on his face.