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Caitlyn was absolutely fucking pissed. It was two in the morning on a Thursday— well, technically a Friday night, and now she was driving across town to pick up a sloppy drunkard from the bar. Just perfect.
Not to mention she worked in the morning.
She took a steadying breath and tried to center herself as she flipped her turn signal on and glided into the parking lot of the Last Drop. She sent a text to Vi.
Here. Just out the door. Same ride as always.
Straight to the point. Because that’s all this was going to be. Caitlyn had been just means to an end, and she’d accepted that the day Vi packed up her things and walked out in the middle of the pouring rain.
She could feel the boom of the DJ’s mix through her seat, and watched the smokers pass her on their way to the next party. A deepening pressure began to form behind her eyes, a migraine undoubtedly.
Caitlyn rubbed her heavy eyelids and turned the music up a little louder, trying not to doze off inside of her running car in the middle of the parking lot. She pulled out her phone again, nails slamming carelessly across the keyboard, hitting send before exiting the app.
Hurry up, Vi. It’s fucking late. She texted again.
Sorty it’s loud jyst saw thos… be righr therw.
Caitlyn’s heart hammered as she read the message. In a few minutes Vi, her Violet, would be sitting in her car. Caitlyn didn’t know if she was ready for that. This wasn’t how Caitlyn wanted her first encounter after the breakup to go, in fact it would have been fine with her if they’d never saw each other again.
But that… well it wasn’t true.
Caitlyn had been heartbroken, but not necessarily surprised when Vi called it quits. First Vander died, and then Jinx dropped out of school. After the funeral, and the ensuing family drama, someone had to take care of the business. Overnight Vi had become a businesswoman and a full-time caregiver. At the ripe age of twenty two, Vi suddenly took on an incomprehensible amount of stress and no amount of comfort Caitlyn had to give could take that pain from her.
She started drinking more. Smoking too. Vi had done those things before, but somewhere along the line, it shifted from something fun she did once every couple of weekends when they went out together, to getting shitfaced nightly. Caitlyn had tried to be understanding and patient, after all Vi had lost so much, and she hadn’t treated Caitlyn badly when she’d been drinking.
No. The problem became the fact that she became a ghost in their lives. The will. The fight in her eyes. The humor in her words, her soft-spoken laughter. All of it had been replaced by the sounds of the door unlocking late at night, footsteps shuffling shamefully in and out of the bed, silent dinners, and rejected advances at intimacy. Slowly, Caitlyn lost her will too. From every fight the result of trying to reason with Vi, or simply trying to comfort her.
And after all, she had been the one to tell Vi, “Leave, if that’s what you want so badly,” she dug her nails into skin at the thought, head still pounding against her skull, she thought she made herself sick thinking about it even after all these months. “Just go.”
Because Vi did leave. She took her pillow, blanket and toothbrush, and packed everything she could into a bag. Then she slammed the car door behind her on the way to god knows where. A few days later her and Jinx came back for the rest of her stuff while Caitlyn had been working. Caitlyn tasted salt on her pillowcase for a long time after that. Mel sometimes joked that she and Jayce considered putting her on a suicide watch, a comment that would have been funny, had Caitlyn been over it.
And as much as she told herself she didn’t think about Vi anymore, that couldn’t be any farther from the truth. Afterall, people who are over their ex don’t tend to answer their phone calls at two in the morning.
The passenger side door whipped open, saving Caitlyn from her own spiraling thoughts and Vi collapsed into the seat beside her. Caitlyn stared for a moment too long, the silence enveloping them. Vi looked… nearly unrecognizable from the last time Caitlyn had seen her.
Her hair shone in the light. Stripes of reds and blacks fighting against natural browns threatening to burst through at the root of her scalp. Mascara and deep black eye shadow covered her undereyes in a way that indicated it’d been smeared, dampened, applied in a hurry. The outfit was the only typical thing about the stranger beside her, ripped black skinny jeans and a tanktop that hugged at her shoulders and left little to the imagination— No, memory. Caitlyn didn’t have to imagine the person she’d spent every day reminding herself she’d lost.
Caitlyn watched Vi fumble with the buckle, shifting in her seat and slamming the latch against the side of the buckle unsuccessfully multiple times before it finally clicked into place.
“Ready,” she mumbled.
Caitlyn put the car into drive and pulled out of the parking lot. The pair were quiet as they drove through the bustling avenue, it always made her nervous to drive through this part of town at night. Too many people walking around in dark clothes, and not nearly enough streetlights. She squinted as she drove at a mediocre pace until they hit the lax side of town. Eventually, ambling onto the highway, the car was silent enough to make her palms sweat. She glanced over at Vi, arms crossed over her stomach, legs turned to the side.
“So…” Vi started, her words sprinkled with that lazy tilt that always occurred after a couple drinks, “How’ve you been?”
“Seriously?” Caitlyn laughed, the humor of it all completely lost on her. She was exhausted, with no patience for Vi and her casual nonchalance.
“What?” Vi asked, splaying her hands in the air as if she had not a single clue as to why Caitlyn could possibly be annoyed.
“Seriously?” Caitlyn scoffed, “It’s two in the fucking morning, Violet.”
Vi didn’t respond to that, and so Caitlyn continued on her tangent.
“And you called me! We haven’t spoken in months,” Caitlyn yelled, “No calls, texts, nothing and of course out of all the people on god’s green earth you call me.”
“Well you didn’t have to pick up the phone. No one forced you to come out here and get my sorry ass,” Vi sputtered through a hiccup.
Caitlyn grabbed her own face, squeezing at her mouth and chin, refusing to let the words spill out before she had a moment to process what she truly felt and formulate what she could actually say.
“I’m worried about you,” she chided, softly, almost cautiously, because a part of her knew she had no claim to Vi. No right to be worried or to comment on her personal life anymore. “Getting drunk at your own job?”
“Fuck that place.” Vi shouted, quite uncharacteristically, as if it hurt even her to do so. Then she mumbled something, “Pull over.”
And Caitlyn couldn’t quite catch it over the hum of the radio. “What?”
“Pull over, now,” Violet raised her voice, the urgency of her command clear as day, she gripped the passenger door handle, already unbuckling and leaned against the door as if she might jump out of the moving car at that very moment.
“Shit. Do not throw up in my car!” Caitlyn yelped in horror, jerking her car to the side of the road, gravel crunching under her car as she rolled to a stop.
Vi stumbled out of the car tripping on her own feet and landing flat on her knees just in time to hit soft soil. Caitlyn pressed a button to activate her hazards and circled the front of her car to meet her ex. She kneeled beside her as Vi wretched her innards onto the downhill slope, a singular light post granting her an awful view of the chunky bile sliding down the dewy grass. Caitlyn sighed, grazed a hand around the back of Vi’s neck, collecting her hair and holding it out of the way as she emptied her stomach of the toxins she’d consumed earlier in the night.
“Shit,” Vi croaked, coughing out the last of the bile sticking to the back of her throat. “Thanks cupcake.” she said, sounding utterly defeated.
The smell. The absolutely putrid, sour scent infiltrated her nostril just then. “What the hell did you drink?”
“Just about everything on the bottom shelf.”
Caitlyn nodded, reaching her hand out and helping Vi to steady herself as they stood up and slowly walked back to the car. Caitlyn opened the door and let Vi sit, then reached for the buckle and leaned over her body to set it in place.
“I can do-”
“Just let me help you for one second, Violet, one time, will that really hurt your ego so badly?”
Vi quieted and slumped back into the seat, clasping her hands into her lap as Caitlyn retreated and walked back to the driver side.
“I got fired.” Vi admitted, as Caitlyn put the car back in drive and took off.
“Oh.” Caitlyn stilled herself, paused for a moment. Vi loved that bar, she grew up sitting in those stools, singing along to horrible karaoke on that stage with the crusty carpets and theater curtains that smelled like mold and whiskey. She needed to choose her next words carefully. “What happened?”
“Silco came back.”
Vander’s estranged brother, Caitlyn remembered the man vaguely from her childhood, not the specifics. Just that there was some sort of an end-of-the-ages fallout. He left one day and never came back. Until he did.
“He wanted the bar. Sued for it too. I got a lawyer, I thought the whole thing would be bullshit,” She laughed awkwardly, digging her nails into her forearm. “Turns out Vander forgot to update his will, rights to ownership, I don’t know the technical terms… but when he died, the bar was Silco’s. Not mine. I had no right to take it. Or fight to get it back. Once Silco caught word he wanted it back. So he took it.”
“Wow,” the only word Caitlyn could manage. “I’m sorry, Violet.”
“It’s fine.”
A few moments passed, and Caitlyn opened the window upon Vi’s request. Then dug into the center console and handed her a portable bottle of mouthwash and handed it to the woman beside her.
“For the aftertaste.” She said,
“Thanks.” Vi said, opening the bottle and taking the contents into her mouth. She appreciated the sobering sting and the renewed freshness. She unbuckled for a moment and stuck her head out the window to spit the liquid out into the wind.
“I need to tell you something.” Vi started, “and you have to promise not to get mad.”
“What?” Caitlyn asked, unsure of whether to be confused, annoyed, or concerned. The anticipation of what Vi could say eating at her.
“I forgot my keys, and the bar closed fifteen minutes ago.”
“Seriously, Vi,” Caitlyn sighed.
Vi glanced over and nodded awkwardly, “And Jinx isn’t home.”
So no one would be at her house to let her in.
“It’s fine,” Caitlyn assured, even though her insides felt like they were heating up, slowly cooking her alive, “You can stay at my place, I’m definitely taking a sick day after this so I’ll just drive you back in the morning.”
“Thanks. Sorry for the mess.”
Caitlyn rolled her neck, delighting in the delicious strain of tired muscle and ligaments re-adjusting to this new hour. She turned the radio up a notch, not enough to drown conversation. In case Vi needed her to pull over again, but enough to try to distract herself from the moment.
And yet she couldn’t.
“Where is your sister tonight?”
“Ekko’s” She answered plainly.
“Aren’t they a little young for that? Spending the night?”
“We spent the night together all the time.” Vi smiled to herself, and Caitlyn knew all the moments running through her mind. Stolen midnight kisses. Sneaking out to buy slushies at the gas station. Watching TV at odd hours of the night on school days. “I know they’re probably fucking as we speak and I should be a more concerned caregiver, the risks of teenage pregnancy and all, but I needed the break.”
“You deserve the break,” Caitlyn agreed, turning down the music again and pressing her hand to Vi’s knee, despite the risk of her pulling away. She felt the rewarding, pulsing, motion of Vi hesitantly shifting her body towards her. “I wasn’t judging. Just curious. I miss-”
Caitlyn stopped herself short, “I think about you, and her, a lot. You both deserve a lot more than what you’ve been given. You know that right?”
Vi let her head hit the headrest, her lip snarling in that way it did when she was annoyed, uncomfortable, or both. Her head swiveled to the side, facing Caitlyn who met her glance for a moment before returning her focus to the road ahead. City lights were coming into view, her apartment wasn’t too far from this point.
“Why can’t you accept that people have nice things to say about you? Why do you always feel the need to do that?”
“I don’t need sympathy.” Vi retorted, “And I certainly don’t deserve yours. Not after everything that happened.”
“Well guess what, Vi. I care about you. As stupid as it is to say after all these months, I still do and as angry as I am about tonight I can still recognize that you’ve always had a good heart. And I want you to live a good life,” she paused, gathering a breath before continuing, “even if you don’t want me in it.”
“I’m not just talking about tonight.” Vi argued. “I left, I did that. I ruined everything because I was a little overwhelmed.”
“And who told you to? Who goaded you into it?” Caitlyn interrogated as she pulled into the lot of her complex, trying to find her previous parking spot, shaking her head when she realized someone had taken it in the time she was gone. “I basically backed you into a corner and told you to get out of our apartment.”
“Well, I left without a second thought. I didn’t argue, I didn’t try. And I could have. I just chose not to.”
“We both made choices we regret,” Caitlyn said, turning the steering wheel and pressing against the back of Vi’s seat as she looked towards the back of the car and reversed into a spot.
“Yeah,” Vi mumbled, “I guess we can agree there.”
“So you shouldn’t kill yourself over something we both fucked up pretty badly.”
“Sure.” Vi agreed. She didn’t want to argue anymore, never wanted to in the first place.
Caitlyn stepped out of the car, shoving her keys into her pockets and grabbing her water bottle.
“Can you grab my purse? It’s by your feet.”
“Yeah.” Vi said. She leaned over to grab the little black side strap, then slid out of the car, placing both feet firmly on the ground. She felt a lot better now, the ache in her stomach sitting somewhere on the side of the road and the gentle ringing in her ears from the loud music finally subsided.
She walked slightly behind Caitlyn, who guided her through the new scenery. The outside was well lit with those environmentally friendly light bulbs, freshly planted tulips were just beginning to bloom in the small gardens lining the exterior of the building. Caitlyn laid her keycard flat against the sensor and waited for the buzzing sound that would grant them entry into the building.
“We’ll take the elevator, I live on the ninth floor.” Caitlyn said, pointing towards the elevator in the corner of the lobby.
“Okay,” Vi said.
Caitlyn shuffled into the elevator, Vi still following silently behind her. Caitlyn leaned against the railing, no longer tired but exhausted from the emotional whiplash of this encounter. She mumbled a word of gratitude as Vi handed her the purse she’d been carrying.
“I’ll order in.” Caitlyn said.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Well, I’m hungry, and I’m not going to order food for just me. So don’t be selfish and let me buy you dinner.” She said with the slightest hint of a smirk.
“Just this once,” Vi surmised. “Suppose it wouldn’t hurt.”
“Good.” Caitlyn said just as the elevator dinged.
The two of them walked down to the very end of the hall. Caitlyn stopped at the last door and pulled her keys back out of her pockets, they jangled in the air and the door creaked as it opened and shut behind them.
“Shoes on the mat.” Caitlyn ordered, gently, but a reminder nonetheless of Caitlyn’s strict housekeeping habits.
“Yes ma’am.” Vi responded, kneeling over to undo her laces. She felt the tickle of fur against the back of her arms and turned around.
Lave. Short for Lavender. Lave, the little black cat she’d missed so very much.
“I’ll give you two a minute.” Caitlyn smiled, heart melting despite the walls she’d tried and failed to build in the short preparation she’d had before this reunion.
Caitlyn walked over to the kitchen’s island and sat on one of the chairs, pulling out her phone and opening Door Dash. She peeked up from the screen every so often to peer at Vi, sitting against the wall, legs splayed out so Lave could cuddle in her lap. Absolutely melting once Vi began to pet that one spot behind her ears.
“Chinese okay?” Caitlyn asked.
“Anything you want, Cupcake,” Vi responded absentmindedly as she stretched her body towards the small bucket of cat toys, throwing a small plush mouse across the hardwood floors and watching Lave scramble to catch it with a grin plastered across her face.
Caitlyn finalized the order and walked over to the two, sliding her back against the wall until her bottom hit the floor. For the first time tonight, allowing herself to be closer to Vi than she would have considered hours ago. “It should be here in twenty,” she said, her shoulder brushing against Vi’s.
“Thank you.” Vi whispered, “I don’t think I ever said that.”
“You did actually,” Caitlyn pointed out, “After you finished hurling.”
“Yeah, but I meant, for everything. You really didn’t have to spend all this time looking after me, but you did. And I appreciate it, even if I’m not always the best at responding to it.”
Caitlyn smiled and rested her head on Vi’s shoulder, plucking Lave from her spot near Vi’s legs and situating her between them. They sat like that for a moment. Choosing to focus their attention on the cat in front of them rather than the multitude of earth-shattering things they both wanted to admit.
“I never meant to hurt you, I just couldn’t handle it. It felt easier to leave rather than dragging you down with me,” Vi said, finally letting the words slip out into the open.
Caitlyn let them hang there. She nuzzled closer, taking Vi’s hand into her own and squeezing it softly, “I can’t say that how you handled things was okay, it wasn’t Vi. I was so scared for you. Every night you didn’t come home, every time I watched you come home high or drunk out of your mind,”
“I know,” Vi choked out. “I was scared too.”
Caitlyn looked up at her, watched the tears fill up and splash over her waterline. She felt the sting of her own tears threatening to fall down her face.
“But I’m glad you called.”
Caitlyn saw the quiver in Vi’s lip. Noticed how her face flushed red, and braced for the arms that wrapped around her. Lave scurried out of the way as Caitlyn shifted her body to invite Vi closer, “Sorry, Lave.” Vi sniffled, sobbing softly into Caitlyn’s shoulder.
“Hush, she’ll be alright. She’s going to go cuddle by your shoes later when we’ve moved on from the floor,” Caitlyn chided through tears of her own. “It’s okay, Violet, you’re alright,” Caitlyn assured. She placed a hand on Vi’s back, rubbing calming circles into the stiff muscles, running her fingertips through the ends of her hair.
“I missed this,” Caitlyn said.
“I missed you,” Vi interrupted, finishing her thought completely. “So fucking much, Cait-”
The sound of the doorbell ripped them from that thought. Caitlyn smiled. Her eyes still glassy and red, she ran her hands up Vi’s back, stopping at her shoulders staring at her for a moment.
“Go sit on the couch. I’ll make you a plate,” she whispered, the two of them standing up. Vi trodded to the couch and Lave immediately scurried from her perch atop the large cat scratcher over to the seat beside her.
Caitlyn opened the door and picked up the bag of food. Then shutting and locking it behind her. She brought the bag to the countertop and ripped it open, the smell circulating across the kitchen sent an answering yank straight to her stomach. She opened the cabinet and retrieved two cups and two bowls. First filling each cup with a gratuitous amount of water, and then piling various amounts of food into each plate.
“Here,” Caitlyn prompted as she walked over to the couch with the plate, “Drink this. All of it.”
Vi nodded.
“Also, take these,” Caitlyn pulled out a bottle of Ibuprofen, and a little packet of electrolyte powder. “Put this in your water,” she ordered, shaking the green packet and placing the bottle of pills on the table beside her.
Caitlyn walked back into the kitchen and packed the leftovers into the fridge, then grabbed her still steaming plate and sat on the couch beside Vi. They ate in relative silence, a much needed respite from the intensity they both brought out from their place on the floor of her entryway.
Caitlyn turned on the television and silently handed the remote to Vi, allowing her to flicker through the open channels until she settled on a mundane news broadcast. They exchanged the occasional glances as they continued to eat, save for Vi, who when faced with the curious cat sitting on the arm rest peering down at her bowl. She exchanged a look with Caitlyn who nodded in response to Vi holding up a small, cut up piece of shrimp.
“One,” she sighed, “I swear the shelter lied, she’s more dog than cat.”
Vi smiled and let the feline pluck the meat off her fork, Lave snarfed it down and rolled her body across the armrest. Nearly falling off in the process.
The two walked to the kitchen, placing their dishes in the sink. Caitlyn was on her phone, in the process of submitting her official sick-day input to the workforce app. The tap started running. She looked up. Saw Vi grabbing a washcloth.
Caitlyn crept up behind her, placing a hand on her arm and guiding it downwards. “Worry about it in the morning, let’s get set up. I want to go to bed.”
“Okay.” Vi agreed, rinsing the dishes and leaving them for tomorrow.
They walked back towards the living room, Caitlyn moved to keep going, back towards where the hallway led to her room. She stopped when she noticed the absence of a body following close behind her. She turned and saw Vi, sitting on the couch.
“What are you doing?” Caitlyn asked.
“Could you just grab me some blankets? I’ll be fine out here, your couch isn’t all that bad.” Vi joked.
“You’re not sleeping on the couch,” Caitlyn said, matter of factly, “My bed is big enough for the two of us,”
“Cait,” Vi paused, shuffling in her seat and pressing against the couch cushions to demonstrate how comfortable they’d be. Caitlyn put a hand on her hip, signaling the fact that she wouldn’t be budging on this. “I can’t do that to you, you’ve already helped me out enough.”
“Violet, I’m not asking you to sleep with me,” Caitlyn said, delighting in the way Vi sputtered in response. “We’ve shared a bed a thousand times before. If you’re really that uncomfortable, I will sleep on the couch. You’re sleeping in my bed one way or another.”
With that Vi stood up, pleasantly defeated and followed Caitlyn through the hallway and to her bedroom. Caitlyn helped her dig through the medicine cabinet to find a spare toothbrush and make-up wipes so she could freshen up before bed. When she finally exited from the bathroom, Caitlyn was already in bed with a book. Always so eager to get a few pages in before bed. She dog-eared the page and set it down on her nightstand. Then she pulled the covers up and patted the spot next to her,
Vi slid into her side and pulled the covers up, Caitlyn dimmed the lights. Since she got up quite frequently to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night she never turned them off completely. Vi had always appreciated it, silly as it was, the extra light made her feel a little safer. A fact others always teased her for. Never Caitlyn though.
“I still have trouble sleeping sometimes.” Vi said.
“Yeah?”
Vi had been sleeping when the car crash that killed Vander happened. She was sleeping at home and missed the phone call.
Caitlyn wasn’t sure Vi would ever completely forgive herself for that.
“Yeah,” Vi said.
“Come here,” Caitlyn said.
Vi froze for a moment, and Caitlyn thought she might stay there. Or worse, turn over and pretend like she hadn’t heard. Until she felt the bed shift, the warmth of another body creeping closer to hers. Vi had always been something akin to a human furnace.
At this angle, Caitlyn was staring down at the whole picture. Vi held her waist and looked up at her with eyes softened by the past two hours of reconnection, and she couldn’t stop looking at her. The hair falling gently against her face. The scar on her brow and the one on her lip.
She couldn’t stop wanting to kiss those scars like she did before.
So when Vi stared back at her, their bodies gravitating closer and closer like magnets, she didn’t stop herself. Their lips met gently and Vi sighed into the motion of it, opening herself up to Caitlyn like it was second nature. Caitlyn breathed hard, face pressed against Vi’s as her mouth fell open, inviting the warm clash of heat into the mix.
Caitlyn grabbed Vi’s face, holding it softly as she savored the feeling of Vi’s tongue against hers, the feeling of her scar as she ran her own tongue over it. Caitlyn’s hands moved to the nape of her neck, with all her effort, finding the will to remain chaste. To let things move slowly even though her insides were melting and screaming for more. More. More.
Caitlyn granted herself one more moment to suckle on Vi’s tongue. Caitlyn sighed into her open mouth as she pulled away.
“We need to stop,” Caitlyn gasped. “You’re still drunk, it’s been a hell of a night.”
“Shit,” Vi, stuttered, “I’m sorry, Caitlyn was that too much?”
“No,” Caitlyn shook her head and pulled Vi closer, stroking her arm reassuringly. “I just, I don’t want to move too fast. You’re still drunk, even if you’ve had a good amount of time to sober up,” she explained, then shyly admitted, “I don’t want you to feel obligated to a decision you didn’t make with a clear head. We can talk about it in the morning, see how we feel?”
“How do you feel?” Vi asked.
“I know what I want.”
“And I want you.” Vi said, finishing Caitlyn’s sentence, and starting her own.
“I’m glad you called.” Caitlyn whispered, as she pressed a kiss to Vi’s forehead.