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Sonic couldn't move.
Not metaphorically, and not due to some ground-breaking event that left him in this state. In fact, he was performing an act which he'd done thousands of times before, and nothing like this ever happened, which only made the current predicament all the more perplexing.
All he'd done was wake up. Or at least, that's what it looked like. He was certainly looking around at his bedroom, noting the way it wasn't entirely pitch black, indicating that the sun soon to rise. Everything would seem perfectly normal or not for the fact that he couldn't move a muscle. He was stuck on his back, forced to stare up at the ceiling and make do with what he could see in his peripherals.
Sonic was perturbed, but for the moment remained as calm as he could. His first reasoning was that he was still dreaming, a thought quickly shut down by the fact that his dreams didn't work this way. If nothing else, it was far too quiet. Not a single noise except for a dull, distant whirring could be heard. Which was annoying in itself, and only caused that faint buzzing beneath Sonic's skin, the one that always rises in response to danger, to make its presence more known.
Think, he willed. Has this ever happened to him before? What was he doing before this?
He'd spent half the day helping Amy set up a party. All hands were on deck to help with the restoration after the war against the Eggman Empire. A job that was significantly accelerated due to the fact that the doctor had gone completely off-grid. Usually he'd try to capitalize on the chaos of hundreds being displaced, missing, or struggling to rebuild.
After two months of non-stop efforts, they'd managed to clear a majority of debris and deploy teams in each city to begin the rebuilding process. Hundreds of missing people had been found, both dead and alive, and delivered to their loved ones.
On all accounts, progress was milestones ahead of time, a feat that was only made possible with Amy’s excellent leadership and coordination skills and with the help of every capable hand Sonic could, and couldn't, think of. However, the joy from victory over the Eggman Empire was quickly overshadowed by the devastating aftermath. It was only so long before they saw another steady drop in morale.
That's why Amy decided to host a large-scale event at the restoration’s headquarters. A moment of respite, she called it, to relax and celebrate the progress made this far. Sonic’s job was to spread the word near and far, and gather as much supplies as he could.
So many had showed up with their own contributions, donations, food, activities, that half of the festivities were moved outside. Sonic made sure to do a few rounds to stop at every makeshift venue, taking small samples of food that was graciously offered to him and participating in the games. Wherever tensions seemed to rise, he was there to diffuse the situation and make sure everyone was having a good time.
After an hour of eating, mingling, and allowing children to beat him in carnival games like ring toss, Sonic retreated inside to where his smaller, closer friend group was located. He opted to sit in the corner and listen, occasionally chiming in to say something, but other than that he was beyond burnt out.
A sore reminder of the lasting effects that six months of isolation had on him.
He'd kept it together fairly well on the surface, but deep down he'd still get those gut-twisting sensations out of nowhere, the feeling that something was deeply wrong. That there was imminent danger around the corner. That everything wasn't as it seemed.
A sudden, firm grasp on his shoulder was all it took to send him over the edge that evening. His quills immediately bristled and flared out, and in the blink of an eye he took a fighting stance at the perpetrator, snarling. The room had gone entirely silent, his friends pinned him down with looks of concern and confusion.
Knuckles. That's who he'd just accidentally pierced the arm of and was bracing himself for battle against. The echidna clutched the small puncture wound, eyes widened with vexation, and worst of all, pity.
By all means, it was a pitiful display for someone like him. The ever confident hero of the present, known for living in the moment, broken and dispirited, jumping out of his own skin at the brush of an arm. Was that how his friends saw him, too?
He didn't even bother trying to give an excuse before he took off. Faintly, a couple of his friends tried to call after him, but he ignored them. He loved them, and it was because of that fact he couldn't put this on them. They already had so many burdens to bear, they didn't need Sonic of all people falling apart on them.
Not that he thought of himself so highly, but he had to be aware of how badly everything fell apart without him previously. He needed to stay strong, be the anchor his friends needed him to be. He'd just have to take care of his problems on his own.
Or, that's what he had thought initially. As it turned out, there was someone the hero could turn to. The first one to see straight through his facade when Sonic was initially freed. Who raced and fought with him from dusk til dawn to train his body back into shape. The one to reassure him that everything was going to be okay, an anchor of his own.
Shadow.
They'd been staying together at an old house Sonic had purchased on a whim, a sanctuary that'd be only for emergencies. With Tails’s house destroyed and him living in one of his small labs, there wasn't much room for Sonic. So he stayed here instead, and Shadow had started spending his nights there about three weeks ago.
It started off as a very clear, transactional setup: in return for Sonic providing shelter from G.U.N, Shadow would repair the damages to the house that had come from the war and natural weathering. Shadow slept on the couch, and Sonic in the bedroom. A simple arrangement that didn't mean much, but the lines very quickly blurred. Late hours of the night were spent on the couch making conversation. It started off with dumb, small talk and they sparred, too; going to the best of 3, and then Sonic would push that number back to 5, 7, and so on. Anything that would keep him awake for a little longer, in the presence of something he knew was real and tangible, until the pit in his stomach closed.
Their talks got more personal as time went on. Sharing fears and anxieties, personal facts about themselves that neither had ever dared to speak aloud. It all felt very…intimate, but Sonic had shaken the feeling away, brushing it off as him just being weird. That idea had quickly changed, though, the night that Shadow had trusted Sonic enough to allow a tear to fall down his muzzle freely. It lasted mere seconds, but the hybrid didn't hide it. He allowed it to streak all the way down his cheek and hit the couch.
Neither acknowledged it or made a big deal, but the blue hedgehog felt something unlock between them. Like he’d just been allowed into a vault kept secure by the most expensive locks money could buy. New urges made themselves apparent, something he'd been testing the waters of lately with small brushes of the arm, or light, fleeting touches. He couldn't put a name to it just yet, unsure if he even wanted to, so he simply let it be.
When Sonic arrived at the house, however, Shadow was already asleep on the couch. That was new, and he couldn't help the initial pang of disappointment that spread throughout his chest. But, it was fine. Shadow looked so peaceful sleeping like that, there was no way Sonic could ever disturb him, lest he want a swift fist making contact with his jawline. Sleep was probably what the blue hedgehog needed as well, so he reluctantly laid in his bed and spent around half an hour tossing and turning, a new nightly routine, before falling asleep.
Which brings us back to the present moment. Sonic can't move, and a pressure is bearing down on his chest like a boulder being sat on it.
This sensation is familiar. He knows it from somewhere, recently. But no, it wouldn't- couldn't- be. That's impossible. The war was over, he was gone.
Infinite was gone…Right?
Now that he strained to listen, the distant whirring sounded mechanical. Akin to a machine, or a robot. A badnik.
Get it together. Sonic snapped at himself internally, but the what-ifs were already flooding his head.
Infinite. Is he still out there? Is he working with Eggman again?
..was any of this real?
Dread filled his entire body. He needed to move. His breathing picked up rapidly. This felt no different from being trapped in the small confinement cell in space. Was it all one sick, twisted illusion Sonic had been living in, something to give him false hope just to bring him right back?
There were footsteps. Faint, but getting louder. He was coming for him. Infinite was alive and he was coming back to rip the bandaid off. Damn it, he couldn't move. Move. MOVE.
Sonic's eyes stung, liquid building up inside them. His body burned with searing hot rage, fear, desperation.
If all of this was fake, then what happened to his friends? He'd still failed them. He didn't fix anything.
He couldn't even scream as he heard the door click open. Sonic clamped his eyes shut, calling out to whoever might be out there that if this really was it, if he was destined to wake up from this illusion and come back to a world where he'd failed everyone, may he be granted the strength to rip apart that jackal limb from limb, take everything from the one who took everything from him, he was going to kill-
“Sonic.” A voice cut through the blinding haze. “Sonic, wake up.”
A hand shook him slightly, and that was all it took for his body to finally give way to his urges. A harsh scream tore its way from his lungs, broken and raspy and straining his throat raw. He threw himself upright in his bed, flailing his arms wildly with bared claws searching for a target. Sizzling sparks of blue energy flew off of him, singeing the bed beneath him.
Everything was purely instinctual, happening so fast before he could even fully register the voice of the one next to him. Two hands seized his shoulders, turning him with such force that it was a shock Sonic didn't end up with whiplash. He was nose to nose with Shadow, whose quills were beginning to flare up in defense.
“Get a grip!” The hybrid shouted. Its aggressive nature set off Sonic’s nerves initially. But he steeled himself, focusing not only on the iron grip on his shoulders, but the sheets he was actively digging his nails into.
“It- infinite, he-” the blue hedgehog choked out, bringing his hands up to muss his quills roughly.
At that, Shadow’s eyes widened a bit. He took a moment to inhale and exhale deeply, recollecting himself as his quills relaxed.
“Infinite is gone, Sonic.”
“No, you don't get it. This- you-.” His hands shook, his head spun. Gaia, he was so scared. Was the one before him even Shadow?
His spiraling thoughts came to a brusque halt as Shadow's palm made firm contact with Sonic's cheek. He'd just…slapped him.
“Ow, what the hell!?” the hero snarled.
“Pull yourself together, moron.” The hybrid tightened his grip on the other hedgehog and shook him once again. “You were having a sleep paralysis episode.”
That made sense, admittedly. But how did Shadow know that?
“How do you know that?! How..how can I trust you?” He asked weakly. Chaos, he was tired, physically and mentally. He just wanted it all to be over, for everything to go back to normal.
“Your chaos energy was fluctuating, so I came to check on you. You weren't moving, but you were obviously awake and panicking. It's not hard to put two and two together.”
That also made sense. Shadow did grow up medically trained.
“And besides,” Shadow continued, “Do you truly think that all of this has been fake? That Infinite, ever prideful, would make an elaborate illusion where he not only loses a war he started, but also the idle weeks of restoring the damage he and Eggman caused?”
That…was also true. In his captivity, Infinite had trapped Sonic in numerous illusions. One common factor between them all was the jackal painting himself as the victor. Infinite also hated Shadow’s guts, he came to learn. There's no way he would've included him in a long-winded illusion like this.
The more Sonic's logical thinking returned to him, the more he calmed down. Shadow was right. He was here, and he was okay.
“You’re right.” Sonic lowered his head and let out a shaky sigh. He’d be lying if he said he wasn't a tad bit embarrassed, but if anything he was more relieved. He offered a small smile “Thanks, Shads.”
Shadow stiffened a bit, turning his head to the side with a hmph. “Don't get used to it.”
The hybrid removed his arms from Sonic’s shoulders, and took a seat on the edge of the bed. That was new. Shadow wasn't the type to stick around where he didn't deem necessary. Perhaps he wanted to be here?
“So,” Sonic began cautiously. “Why are you awake? I hope I didn't wake you up.”
“You didn't.” Shadow stated, hesitating for a few moments. “My dreams woke me up.”
They'd talked about this recently. Shadow suffered from frequent night terrors that had only worsened since Infinite had trapped him. Sonic knew the feeling all too well, and they had spent the better part of an hour sharing facts about their dreams.
“I was making coffee in the kitchen when I noticed a surge of chaos energy coming from your room.” He continued. That must have been the sound he'd been hearing.
“Well, I'm glad that you were awake. I might've gone nuts if you weren't here to bring me back.”
“It was nothing.”
“Oh come on, Shads, don't be-” Sonic was cut off by himself, unable to resist the urge to yawn. “-modest.”
“You're still tired. You should go back to sleep.” The hybrid began pushing himself up off the bed, but a desperate arm reached out.
His arm moved before his mind could catch up. Sonic didn't want him to go just yet. He didn't want to be alone, and now that he knew Shadow was awake he couldn't help himself.
“Wait,” the hedgehog gasped, sounding a hell of a lot more pathetic than he would ever admit. Shadow lost his balance without an arm to catch himself on and fell back into the mattress, landing right below Sonic as his quills splayed out beneath him.
He was beautiful, breathtaking, and Sonic was silently saying his final prayers, writing out his will mentally as he waited for Shadow to kick his ass into next week.
But Shadow only stared up at him with an unreadable expression. His eyes lidded, his pupils slitted.
“What?” Was all he asked, sounding so casual that Sonic momentarily short-circuited.
“I- um,” Well now it was awkward. Because that was a good question. He’d acted more or less without thinking, and he didn't expect to actually get this far.
“I..” There was an answer there, so close yet so far. But no definitive words would conjure themselves up. Start small, then. He redirected himself. It was a little too late to start being afraid of vulnerability now. If he could trust you with his tears, you can trust him with this.
“Just.. stay here for a bit.” Sonic finally managed to croak out.
For a moment, Shadow simply studied Sonic. His eyes narrowed slightly, searching the other for…well, Sonic didn't know what for. But whatever it might've been, and whether he'd found it or not, the hybrid's features softened once more.
“Okay.” he finally answered, voice barely above a whisper. He swung his legs up on the bed and scooched back to rest against the headboard. Sonic mirrored his position a couple feet away rigidly, trying to be as casual as possible. From beside him, an amused sound escaped Shadow's nostrils as Sonic felt eyes on him.
It’s times like these that Sonic truly wishes he could catch a glimpse into his rival's mind. This gentle side of him seemed to come out more often around Sonic, but only when they were alone. Just earlier, nobody would've guessed that anything had changed between them when they were bickering at restoration headquarters over who could carry more bags of sand.
What suddenly made him so special?
“You're staring.” Sonic notes aloud, eyes flicking to the side to meet Shadow's. Indeed, the hybrid was still looking at him with an unreadable expression. It looked distant, sorrowful. Not pity, no, it was deeper than that. Almost as if he was looking at something too far to reach.
“What's on your mind, Shads?”
That seemed to snap Shadow out of whatever trance he was in, and he snapped his neck to fixate on the ceiling. “It's nothing important.”
“If it's bothering you, it's important to me.”
“It's a trivial matter. Not something to dwell on.”
“That's only making me more curious, y'know.” Sonic teased only half-joking.
It didn't land quite as intended though, as Shadow, instead of looking any sort of amused or irritated, only seemed to grow more distressed. “I…” he huffed, “I can't. I won't entertain these nightmares by thinking about them any longer.”
Nightmares. So that's what it's about. “Well, if you wanted to talk about them, I'm right here y'know. I won't force you to, but from here it seems like this is really bothering you.”
At that, Shadow seemed to relax his muscles. Yet, he still hesitated. Like the words wanted to come out, but couldn't.
“I really care about you, Shadow.” Sonic hummed. Maybe if he was vulnerable first, Shadow would feel safe enough to do so in return. “Sure, I enjoy outpacing you, pestering you, one-upping you in every competition…”
Shadow scoffed.
“But this is also nice, too. Just being here in the moment, talking like this, learning that there's even more to you than initially thought; I really do like it. I want to know if something’s bothering you. You shouldn't have to carry this all alone if you don't have to, don't you think?”
Silence permeated the space between them. Sonic watched intently as Shadow’s facial expressions changed back and forth, like he was having a difficult conversation within his mind, struggling against his own inner turmoil. It wasn't Sonic's intention to cause him this kind of stress, and that in turn made him feel guilty. After so selfishly asking him to stay, all he was doing was probably making Shadow regret doing so.
Sonic was about to speak up, reassure Shadow that he didn't have to say anything and tell him he was good to leave the room. It was unfair that Sonic had asked him of such a thing, and for what? To burden the other with even more than he should have to carry? To satisfy his own curiosity for what he's been feeling over the last couple weeks? Something that he could've been overthinking in the first place? Forget it.
But just as he opened his mouth, Shadow spoke.
“Infinite trapped me in a time loop to relive my worst nightmare.”
Sonic's jaw clamped shut as he turned his full body at attention. Shadow had yet to speak of what Infinite had actually put him through, only that his nightmares had grown more frequent.
“Over and over again, I had to watch my worst fear unfold in front of me, helpless to do anything about it.”
It didn't take long for Sonic to latch onto a name and take a guess at what the hybrid had to endure. After all, nothing could ever shake one to their core than the memory of when they failed to save the one they'd sworn to protect.
Sonic had only known Maria as a name, one spoken laced with feelings of sorrow, hope, and unending adoration. Everywhere he learned something new about this magnificent young girl who impacted Shadow so deeply that he could defy all odds, dark origins and keep fighting in the face of a world that scorned his very existence, Sonic had come to mourn her absence in the world as well. Of course, he knew he'd never actually know what it felt like, he couldn't help but wonder just how different things might have been if she'd got to re-experience Earth’s wonders alongside Shadow.
The silence that followed those thoughts always set him on edge, and left him feeling like he was doing her a disservice by thinking that way. In a way, the very concept of this girl he never got to meet joined one of the core reasons of why Sonic is so firm about living in the present. Because there's no freedom in getting caught up in what could have been.
Sonic was aware that it was nothing short of a privilege that he could cast aside his mournful thoughts and move along without them. He tried to keep this in mind whenever the mention of her came around. Grief is not something one can get rid of, it comes in waves and has to be tolerated until it washes over. So the hero sat patiently, offering Shadow a place to speak free of judgement and criticism.
“These thoughts, these doubts that these nightmares have left me with still haunt me. Mainly, the idea that I've been far too…hesitant. Freezing up, running away, avoiding the hard truth when it really matters.” Shadow swallowed thickly. “That the only thing I'm good at protecting is myself.”
“I just can't see how you'd think that's true, Shadow.” Sonic interjected. Because truly, he was curious how Shadow, who has saved the Earth on multiple occasions, could've drawn this conclusion. “Your methods might not align with the average person, but there's no denying that you selflessly throw yourself into the fray to save others all the time. And you don't get to be hard on yourself over things out of your control…She wouldn't have wanted it to haunt you like this.”
Shadow's eyes widened at that last part, pinning the blue hedgehog down with a gaze of bewilderment and surprise. Sonic wondered if he had been too forward with the statement, possibly to the point of poor taste. A pit in his stomach opened up as a sad smile twisted on the hybrid's muzzle, a huff escaping past his lips.
“You think I'm talking about Maria.” Shadow stated plainly, his voice strained with pain and agonized amusement.
Sonic didn't even reply. Because of course, that's what he thought. And now, he felt so frozen in place upon realizing he was incorrect. Like the spotlight had just been shined on him during a robbery. What could he even say?
“And this is exactly what I'm talking about.” Shadow continued. “Of course you would've thought that. Anybody would have. Because that's what I thought. What could haunt me more than the idea of the day I lost her?”
That question went unanswered because Sonic couldn't answer it. And now, he was wading in uncharted waters. Something so far beyond surface level, beyond what the hero had initially imagined. A prospect so terrifying that Shadow himself couldn't have known.
“But what happened to Maria wasn't a nightmare. It was real, and my very existence is the aftermath. Her tragedy, her dreams, the legacy I carry on…to call it a nightmare would be like saying it's something I could wake up and move on from.”
It was a very literal way of saying things, but nonetheless true. Shadow brought his legs closer to his chest, wrapping his arms around himself.
“Then, what was it?” Sonic asked, unable to bring his voice above a whisper.
Shadow's breath hitched as he stared blankly at the wall ahead. Once again, he was back to debating with whatever conflicting thoughts plagued his mind. He shook his head with an amused chuckle.
“You have no conceivable idea of how bad I want to run away, hit you, pretend like this conversation never even happened. And it's this part of me that I'm talking about. You couldn't have known. You shouldn't have to know.”
Sonic felt something strike deep within his core. He knew this feeling, he related to it. And in his hour of need, Shadow was there for him to get him through it.
“But you shouldn't have to be alone in this either, Shads. Whatever it is, I think we both know that I can take it.”
“It could change everything.” the dark hero muttered.
The vague remarks only made Sonic even more curious. Especially when Shadow turned his head, his features becoming illuminated in the dull morning light. Were his cheeks flushed slightly red?
“I want to know.” Sonic replied back with full confidence.
Silence again. Shadow chewed on his bottom lip, his face twitching as he once again seemed to be arguing internally. Suddenly, he shook his head aggressively, turned to the side and shoved an accusing finger into Sonic's chest.
“It's you, hedgehog.” He snarled.
Sonic paused. “I'm..sorry, what?”
“You have no idea what you do to me. You haunt my waking thoughts as much as you do my nightmares. And then…you were gone, just like that, for six months.”
Just like that, Sonic froze again. Shadow had successfully jammed the cogs in his brain, causing him to short circuit. All he could do was watch the hedgehog hovering above him, mouth agape, heat flushing to his face as he struggled to comprehend the words.
“What Infinite showed me was you. He had me trapped in an endless cycle in which I was right there, so close…and yet, I couldn't reach you in time. Couldn't stop you from being so foolishly reckless.”
Shadow took a shaky breath before continuing, his eyes glazed over with a tormented expression. “Every time, I’d reach you too late. I'd get there, and your wounds were too severe. And then, you would open your eyes and stare at me with that stupid smile. You'd ask me the same question: ‘Is there something you wanna say, Shadow?’ and, every time, I knew the answer was yes. The words that I've known to be true for years, but have always run away from.”
Shadow's hand began to tremble. “And every time, just when I thought I'd say them…I hesitated…then you were gone. And there was nothing I could do. I couldn't take it back, and no matter how many times I was given the opportunity to try again, I made the same fucking choice. I ran away. Again. And again. And again. Too afraid of my own feelings, too afraid of what you might and might not have said. I'm a coward, Sonic.”
Shadow paused, gritting his teeth with a pained noise.
“I’m a coward when it comes to how much I love you.”
While it was physically impossible for Sonic to actually explode right then and there, he was pretty sure he got close to a similar outcome.
Because here was Shadow, confessing that not only was his greatest fear losing Sonic, and that he had to suffer through the torment of watching him die for however long Infinite kept him trapped, but also that he was in love with him oh my god Shadow was in love with him.
Something wet dropped onto Sonic's muzzle, startling him out of his shell shocked state. Shadow's eyes were glossy and puffy and had a look of fury in them.
“Shadow-”
“Don't!” The hybrid interrupted once more through a choked sob. “I don't need an answer, nor your pity. I'm just tired of fighting this, of pretending like it doesn't exist.”
As he made a move to retreat, Sonic grabbed the other hedgehog’s arms, flipping their positions and trapping Shadow below him, arms pinned on either side to prevent escape.
“You think you can just say all that and then leave?!” Sonic cried. “Fat chance. Now It's my turn.”
Shadow looked absolutely horrified. His ears pinned down to his skull and he squeezed his eyes shut. Sonic couldn't help but feel slightly hurt, was Shadow really this scared of him? No, he reasoned, he was likely more stressed out over spilling his secrets feelings and then being confronted about them. Sonic could understand the fear well, the feeling that your heart was being pried open and exposed.
Shadow had been so brave. Far braver than Sonic was. Because at least the hybrid took the time to acknowledge his feelings, figure them out, and then tell them directly. Sonic had barely gotten past step one. This, however, seemed to be speeding up the process. With the way Sonic's heart was racing, how his cheeks were burning, how hearing those words reverberated through his very soul and unlocked what he didn't know he was even keeping locked, he was pretty sure he had a name to what he's been feeling.
“I’m a little jealous, Shads,” Sonic huffed with amusement. “You've been running this race way before I even saw the tracks.”
Sonic kicked himself internally. Of all the things he could've said, that's what he settled on? Smooth move, blue blur.
Shadow's eyes snapped open. “What do you mean.” He demanded, his tone laced with desperation.
Sensing that he wasn't going to run away, Sonic shifted to sit next to Shadow instead of hovering over him. “I suppose there's no use in trying to hide it.” Gently, Sonic took hold of Shadow’s wrist, guiding his hand over his heart. It was beating so fast and hard that one might think he might've just run a marathon.
It often beats like this in the midst of an exhilarating duel with Shadow.
“You’re the only person who could get me fired up like this without even trying.”
Shadow stood out like a sore thumb amongst the roster of people Sonic cared for. Not because of their initial enemy status, no, nearly everyone he called a friend had regarded him as a foe at one point. What separated Shadow from the rest was how the dark hero would seize priority in Sonic's mind whenever there was even a mention of him. Sonic didn't often actively pursue another's company, but always kept a diligent eye out for the hybrid on his runs. Plans would switch up in the blink of an eye when the hero spotted his rival, changing course to catch up to wherever he was going, which would more than often be the same place if danger was afoot.
He could say for certain that nobody could capture his attention quite like how Shadow could. Others around him had begun to take notice eventually, pointing out Sonic's actions. He'd always brush off their confusion, chalking up this allure he felt towards Shadow as him just wanting to bother the other. But it was far more than that, he now realized. He just hasn't noticed, refused to notice.
“You called yourself a coward, but at least you've been making an effort this whole time. Me on the other hand? Well, the feelings might have been there for a lot longer, but the realization only came recently.”
Sonic swiped away the tears threatening to spill from Shadow’s eyes. He had pushed himself up and was now sitting facing the other hedgehog. He looked so frustrated, so overwhelmed with emotions he was unfamiliar with.
“You've been my anchor these last few weeks. Keeping me present in the moment, tolerating me at my lowest. I had no idea it was possible for me to be this scared. Scared of myself, of others, unable to trust my own judgement after Infinite…After he put me through hell.”
Sonic’s eyes began to sting as he felt moisture build up. He had spent so long unable to trust his own judgement. Unsure of if his friends were alive, where the illusions started and reality ended. It hurt to even look at his friends at first. Visions of what Infinite had shown him viciously wracked his brain for the first few days any time he saw their faces. He blinked rapidly in an attempt to prevent tears from welling up.
“You were the only person who made me feel normal. Like I had no obligation to be some type of way, safe enough to finally fall down.” Sonic smiled weakly at his equal, removing Shadow’s hand from over his heart and taking it into his own.
“I've never been great at this kind of stuff. I guess I find these traditional acts kind of corny and all…But what this all comes back to is that I feel the same way, Shads.”
Silence followed. There were no sparkles, grand music or fireworks that accompanied their confessions like how a movie or storybook might want you to think. Neither of them moved for a while. Shadow's gaze remained fixed on their joint hands, and Sonic's gaze darted around the room as he waited for anything to happen. Had he said the wrong thing?
“Uh, Shadow?” Sonic muttered awkwardly.
“What.” He replied, his tone and expression eerily neutral.
“Are you alright?”
“I'm fine. Just unsure of how to proceed.”
“That'd make two of us.” The hero chuckled, “I kinda assumed that things would happen automatically from here.”
“We could never be that lucky.” A wry grin crept up Shadow's muzzle.
“Sadly.” Sonic hummed, “I don't really feel like much changed right then.
“Nor do I, but that's never what I wanted.”
“What do you want?”
Shadow shrugged. “I’m afraid I don't have much of an answer. What we have, what we've built over the last few weeks, I like it. I'm not seeking a change, I love you as you are, not a theoretical version of you. I love how we push each other to our limits, how we don't always have to be together. I like finding you after time spent apart. I like how it's always an adventure, one I never want to stop having.”
Sonic wasn't sure how much more Shadow could speed up his heart rate without some sort of medical emergency. Everything he listed is what Sonic loved about him as well. He wasn't after anything grand, just…to profess his adoration of the other hedgehog, his commitment to what they currently have. Their journey of life, separate and together, two forces always drawn back to one another, bound to clash in their methods yet working towards the same goal.
“I apologize if you were looking for more.” Shadow’s ear flicked anxiously “I suppose this isn't the conventional way to be ‘in love’ with someone else.”
“You're killing me, Shadow.” Sonic gently began, moving his other hand to cup his cheek. “Since when have we done anything the ‘conventional’ way? I love you the same way. Labels aren't my thing. And even if they were, I don't think there's one suitable to describe how I feel about you. Although, I guess “partner” would work as a general term, if you felt like it.”
The most genuine, gorgeous smile graced Shadow’s face as he finally raised his head to meet the blue hedgehog eye to eye. He leaned into the hand holding his cheek, nuzzling it.
Sonic couldn't tear his gaze away from Shadow’s lips. Smiling so brightly, parted ever so slightly just so he could catch a glimpse of the hybrids fangs. And so close to his own.
He wanted to kiss Shadow.
The overwhelming desire hit him so fast that Sonic hitched his breath before he could do anything stupid. How had it taken him this long to notice when it was taking all he had right now not to melt?
“Sonic?” Shadow stared at him, concerned. He looked cute like that as well. Damn, he’s really got it bad for this guy.
“Shadow, I think I want to kiss you.” He blurted out before his mind could catch up. His cheeks heated up to an impossible degree as the weight of his words processed.
“I- uh, I mean, um-” The blue blur stammered, desperate to make a smooth recovery.
“Alright,” Shadow answered casually, his voice low and wispy.
“Are..are you sure?” Sonic hesitated.
Shadow hummed with a cheeky smirk. “Sorry. Is this too fast for you, Mister ‘speed of sound'?”
“What? No! I just- ugh, I'm trying to be considerate here after what you just said.” He pouted.
“I appreciate it.” Shadow responded genuinely. “I promise, I want this too.” He whispered as he settled his arms around Sonic's shoulders, fingers intertwining at the back of his neck. Sonic lifted his other hand to cup the other side of Shadow’s face,
The blue hedgehog took another moment to drink in Shadow's features. Truly, he was the most beautiful person he'd ever met. With that thought in mind, he leaned forward and planted his lips on Shadow's.
They started slowly, experimentally moving their lips back and forth against one another until they settled into a comfortable rhythm of push and pull. Shadow tilted his head, pulling Sonic even closer, which allowed them both better access. It was electrifying. Shadow was warm, and at such close proximity, the hero could feel the currents of chaos energy buzzing beneath his rival's skin. The hum enhanced his senses, setting all of his nerves alight and sending shivers down his spine. It was magical.
When they parted, Sonic had to relearn how to breathe for a brief moment. Sure, he'd given and received small, affectionate kisses before, but nothing like this. He stared at Shadow with lidded eyes, and the look in the hybrid’s eyes was similar to his own.
“That is…wow.” Was all Sonic could muster.
“Strange, a little weird, but not…bad. Exciting, even.” Shadow finished the thought for them. The hero nodded, taking the time to bask in the other's beauty.
It wasn't long before they both surged forward to reignite their kiss with more fervor than the previous round. The pressure Sonic applied was nearly bruising. Suddenly, he felt a small, sharp sensation at his lower lip. He gasped, opening his eyes just in time to see Shadow bring the two impossibly closer. It was awkward at first, getting used to this new pattern of kissing, but the two quickly adapted.
Upon separating once again, Sonic couldn't help but be a little jealous at how he was the only one gasping for air. Seriously, what was this guy's lung capacity? He dared not bring it up though, lest he want to sit through another of Shadow’s “ultimate life form” speeches.
“If I didn't know any better, I'd say you've been practicing.” Sonic teased.
“You wish, faker.” Shadow muttered sleepily, leaning his weight against the other hedgehog.
“I didn’t take you for the cuddly type.”
“I’m not. I can stop if you want me to.”
“Nah, I don’t mind,” Sonic quickly corrected, this was likely going to be an extremely rare occurrence, and he certainly didn’t want to pass on the chance. “It’s still way too early to be awake. Think that coffee pot can wait a bit longer?”
Shadow paused for a moment, as if seriously weighing the option between his partner and his coffee. He sighed dramatically, wrapping his arms around Sonic and bringing the two of them down on the mattress.
“I suppose you’ll do for now.” He breathed. Sonic snickered, circling his arms around the other hedgehog and laying his head on the soft, white patch of fur in the middle of the hybrid’s chest. Shadow had one arm wrapped around Sonic, and gently raked his nails across the blue hedgehog's scalp with his other hand. A low purr rumbled from his chest, kickstarting Sonic’s as well.
Sleep was approaching Sonic way faster than he could’ve imagined. It was almost bittersweet, he wanted to relish in this moment for longer than he knew he had. Such is life, however, and his desire to stay awake was overwhelmed with his desperate need to rest.
There was one thing Sonic had to clarify though. Not because he doubted Shadow by any means, he simply needed to hear it out loud.
“Hey, Shads?” Sonic sluggishly inquired, his words slurring.
“Hm.” Shadow hummed in acknowledgement.
“About our races, our duels…”
“Nothing will change, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’d never turn down the chance to see that smug look wiped off your face as you’re reminded of how I am superior to you in every-”
“Okay, yeah, I’ve got my answer. Thank you. Goodnight.” Sonic interrupted much to Shadow’s annoyance, if the low rumble that emitted from his chest was any indication.
“Were you worried that it would change?” Shadow paused. “Was it…something I did?”
“No, Shads, ‘course not.” Sonic purred. “Just.. need’d t’ hear ‘t out loud, if that makes sense..”
“I understand,” he answered lightly. “Now rest. I can hardly understand you.” He planted a light kiss on the hero’s ear.
Sonic couldn’t have objected even if he wanted to. Gaia, he was so tired. He couldn’t remember the last time he had a restful sleep or felt safe enough to. But he felt safe here; he was in the presence of someone whom he could trust with his life, just as Shadow trusted Sonic with his. There was no need to fear sinking into his own fears, drowning in the overwhelming feelings of doubt and insecurity. His anchor was right there with him, keeping him steady and afloat, safe and sound.
He sighed into the soft fur beneath him, allowing himself to drift off peacefully.