Chapter Text
Robin stumbles through the front door of Steve's house and drops her backpack in the corner. Her shoulders droop with the release, more than just the weight of the backpack slipping off her.
It’s been a long day.
Another long day after a series of long days.
Work has been busy. With school out, kids have been practically mobbing the video store all day long asking annoying questions and making messes.
On top of that, Robin herself has been tense. Not sleeping as well.
She’s looking forward to a quiet night in at Steve’s. Maybe, if she passes out on his couch during a movie or something, she’ll get a full night of rest for the first time this week.
Maybe.
She’s broken out of her thoughts by a low thud. She stretches, popping the remaining strain out of her back, and follows the sound.
It is a little odd that Steve isn’t around to greet her. He always tries to be around when she gets here.
The murmur of voices floats to her from down the hall and she follows them, too, frowning. It's not like Steve to have guests (dates) or turn on the TV at this time of day. Not when he’s expecting Robin to come over.
They get louder when she approaches the door to one of the guest rooms. As she reaches for the handle, her brain has just enough time to recognize Nancy's tone before the door swings open and everything freezes into place.
Nancy is sitting on the end of the bed, back to the door.
Steve is kneeling in front of her. Close. Too close.
Nancy is holding her shirt up in front of herself.
They both startle at her appearance as well, heads turning to the door with wide eyes and caught expressions.
Everything inside of Robin stops. A high-pitched ringing picks up in her ears. Her heart clenches and disappears into her stomach. Her lungs seize.
“Robin,” Steve yelps.
The tension in the room collapses.
Suddenly, everything is moving fast-forward.
Steve stumbles back as if burned, eyes darting between Nancy and Robin.
Nancy slams her shirt down, holding it in place as she twists all the way around and reaches for Robin.
Robin's feet are moving before her brain catches up.
She blinks and she's running back down the hall, voices chasing after her.
She blinks and she's outside, fumbling for her bike.
She blinks and she's pedaling down the road as fast as she can.
She blinks and she's at her favorite spot in the middle of the woods.
She stumbles to a log and collapses down, breath chopping and cutting its way out of her.
Steve and Nancy are back together. Or, at the very least, they’re hooking up.
What had she said to Nancy that day? ‘Rekindling of old flames’?
The words burn like acid on the back of her tongue now, even months later.
Steve and Nancy.
Her lungs burn.
Her heart is still silent and cold, despite the frenzied exercise it just endured.
She can't feel it. She can't feel it at all.
She doesn’t want to feel it.
She can only imagine how painful the shredded, bloody pulp will be.
She always knew this was a possibility. She did. She even thought it would be a best case scenario at one point in time.
Steve and Nancy.
But then she'd gotten closer to Nancy. Over the last several months, they've become nearly inseparable. Constant movie nights and sleepovers. Weekly walks, drives, and visits to the diner.
They talk about almost everything. (Almost, Robin's not that insane. She hasn't told Nancy about her.)
Robin fell so, so hard.
So hard.
She told Steve right away, of course, and he'd been sympathetic in the way that only someone who's been in love with Nancy Wheeler could be. They commiserated together for weeks, especially when Robin grew more and more guilty about spending so much time with Nancy while essentially lying to her.
He told her it was fine. He told her she deserved to have a friend, too. He told her it isn’t lying to just have a crush.
She thought they were a team.
And yet…
She sighs and buries her face in her hands, both surprised and not to find it wet.
She needs to get it together. She always knew this was a possibility. It's not their fault she pathetically, stupidly got her own hopes up after Nancy broke up with Jonathan a few weeks ago. It's not their fault she wants something she can never, ever have.
Again.
She should have known that if Nancy was freeing herself up for anyone, it was Steve.
Her lungs seize and she forces air into them, the tendons straining and popping as they expand.
She can get over this.
But why didn’t he tell her?
She exhales and her lungs contract.
They looked so guilty. So caught. Have they been hiding this for a long time or was it a one time thing?
She inhales and they pop.
It doesn’t really matter in the end, she supposes. It doesn’t change the outcome. Steve is allowed to have secrets. Even from her.
She can get over this.
She exhales and they contract.
But why didn’t Nancy tell her? They’re supposed to be best friends, too.
Was she afraid Robin would react poorly and protectively over Steve?
Could she still think Robin secretly harbors some kind of feelings for him?
Or worse…could she know, on some level, how Robin feels about her?
Her lungs seize up again and she spends a few long minutes gasping down the panicked sobs that tear from her.
Her heartbeat finally, finally returns to her ears, heavy and painful. Somehow even more painful than she ever imagined.
That can’t be it. Robin was so careful. So sure. There’s no way Nancy caught on unless someone told her, and Steve never would have done that. No matter what.
Either they were both worried about upsetting her, or it just happened and neither of them had the chance to tell her yet.
She’s sure.
She’s sure.
It’ll be fine.
It’s Steve and Nancy. Her best friend and her crush.
It's going to be okay.
It’s going to be okay.
She stumbles home a couple hours later, face raw and body weak.
Her newly-returned heartbeat only pounds harder when she sees Steve's silhouette pacing by the streetlight about a half block from her house.
His form is tense, hands shoved into his pockets and shoulders by his ears. Her backpack is slung over one side and a new pang of guilt slithers down into her bones.
Her best friend.
For a moment, before he notices her, Robin considers turning around and running. Just running. Maybe, if she runs far enough and fast enough, she'll never have to deal with it.
She won't have to force smiles when she watches the two of them fall in love all over again.
She won't have to stab a poker in her eye every time she sees them kiss.
She won't have to cram herself into a dress and smile as she attends their wedding.
Mr. and Mrs. Harrington.
Nausea rises again but she stops herself from keeling over.
She always knew it was a possibility.
She hates how happy he's going to be with her.
She hates how happy she’s going to be for both of them despite it all.
Her best friend and her crush. They’ve both been through so much. They deserve each other. They deserve to be happy.
Robin’s not going to let her own pathetic jealousy get in the way.
The image snaps back into clear focus in her mind’s eye and she knows immediately that it’ll be seared into her brain for the rest of her life. Steve kneeling on the floor. Nancy on the edge of the bed, torso tipped back as she holds her shirt up for him. Robin just barely caught a glimpse of the curve of her neck, muscles tensed and trembling, bef-
She shakes her head to clear it.
There's no point in running. Unless she's willing to cut and run on everything in her life right now, there's no avoiding it. She can either accept it or nuke every important person in her life at once, and she refuses to do that.
No.
No.
So, she continues toward Steve, setting her shoulders back and locking them in place.
Steve spots her after a few steps and rushes forward.
“Robs, it’s not wha-”
“No, hey, no worries! Sorry for freaking, hope I didn’t jam your style or anything,” Robin cringes as the words come out but she can’t stop them. “Thanks for bringing my bag!” She takes the strap off his shoulder and he stares at her with a stunned, suspicious look on his face.
“No, Robin, listen to me. It’s really not what it looked like. You did not see what you think you saw.”
The words slam even harder into Robin’s ribs and she swallows down a sob.
Of course.
Of course they want to keep hiding it.
They weren’t just hiding it from Robin, they probably don’t want anyone to know right now.
Nancy’s breakup is still fairly new. The kids will be excited when they find out.
They don’t want anyone to know until they’re ready.
Robin ruined their plans, that’s all. That’s the only reason they’d panicked so hard and followed her. That’s the only reason Steve’s here now.
That’s what matters.
“Sure, right. I hear you. I saw nothing and I know nothing. Well you do you, I’m going to head home. Thanks again for bringing my bag!” She turns, already walking away before the words even finish leaving her mouth.
“Hey, wait, weren’t you going to come stay over?” Steve calls after her. He jogs to catch up to her side, shuffling next to her as he tries to get a good look at her face. “I promise it’s not what you think and Nance went home.”
Robin’s ears ring at the thought and her breath catches, lungs popping once more. She can’t go back.
The image flashes in her mind again.
Steve kneeling.
Nancy sitting on the end of the bed.
A fresh wave of tears surge up and she bites them down, tilting her face away from Steve as surreptitiously as she can.
She’s never going to look at his house the same way again. She’s never going to be able to walk down that hall without seeing it. She’s never going to be able to step through that door without worrying what she’ll see.
It rolls through her like a wave, rocking and thrashing her soul against the rocks of the shore.
She’ll never be able to sleep in Nancy’s room without picturing it either.
The curve of her neck.
The panic in her eyes.
She’ll just have to figure out how to sleep well on her own again. She’ll just have to figure out how to feel comfortable and safe somewhere neither Steve or Nancy are.
She has to get over it.
Maybe it would have been better to just run after all.
She’s losing them anyway.
Her best friend and her crush.
In one fell swoop.
Steve is talking again. She only notices it when a hand grips her shoulder and forces her around to face him. “Robin, seriously, I need you to listen to me, it’s not what you think! Don’t do this!”
Robin rips herself out of his grip. Too many emotions surge in her chest at once and she can’t focus. She can’t focus. “Stop! Ju-just stop, okay! Just leave me alone.”
She runs then. There’s not far to go, they’re just across the street from her house, so she darts away and slips inside before Steve can follow.
She knows he won’t try to follow her in. Even if her parents were home, he’d never push after she asked him to back off like that. Not unless it’s life and death and, although Robin’s heart is certainly being crushed, he knows she’s not going to die from this.
She locks herself in her room and dumps her backpack in the corner, sinking down onto the floor next to it with her back against the door.
The first major sob rocks her forward and she tucks her face into her knees.
Nancy drops the phone on the receiver with a shaky hand.
Steve hasn’t been able to catch Robin for more than a few seconds in the last three days. Nancy hasn’t had any luck, either.
Robin avoids her eyes. Cuts her off when she tries to explain. Makes any excuse to get away. She actually, physically ran away again at one point the day before and Nancy’s still not sure she’s recovered from the sight.
She knows how Robin feels about running and that’s twice now that she’s done it to get away from Nancy.
And Nancy can’t chase her right now.
To top it all off, Steve’s last-ditch effort to try and talk to her just fell through. As soon as she saw him waiting for her in the parking lot after her shift, she apparently climbed on her bike and booked it in the opposite direction as fast as she could go. He didn’t try to chase her, instead choosing to drive to her house to wait again. But, she didn’t go home and now Steve is worried.
Nancy is worried, too.
She can’t get that look on Robin’s face out of her mind.
Shock.
Betrayal.
Heartbreak.
Steve won’t talk about why she reacted that way. He gets stuttery and nervous anytime it comes up. But Nancy’s pretty sure she knows and she absolutely cannot let Robin keep thinking that, especially if it’s ripping her apart enough to make her avoid the both of them.
She can’t imagine how hurt and lost she must feel. She has no one else to go to. There’s no one for her to talk to about this.
Nancy’s stomach clenches again and she presses a careful hand over her side, breathing through it.
She can’t let this go on.
She grabs her keys and heads for the car.
It takes about an hour of driving around before she spots Robin. She’s walking her bike along the side of the road about five miles from the video store, finally heading back toward her house. She’s not sure where she’s been or what she’s been doing, but she looks drained in a way that tugs deep, deep into Nancy’s chest.
Robin clearly sees her car. She freezes, weight rocking on her feet like she’s preparing to bolt again.
Nancy stops in the middle of the road. There’s no one around anyway. It’s just them.
They have a silent standoff, staring at each other from maybe 100 feet apart.
The fight visibly drains out of Robin, leaving her with drooped shoulders and a tucked chin as she silently concedes.
Nancy pulls over to the side of the road and gets out.
They load Robin’s bike onto the back of the car wordlessly. Robin doesn’t even look at her while they work.
When they get back in the car, Robin folds herself as tight against the passenger door as she can get. She keeps her head down. Her hands fidget in her lap, spinning her rings like her life depends on it.
Nancy watches her for a solid thirty seconds, just taking her in.
It’s only been a few days but she looks thinner. Wan. There are dark, dark circles under her eyes and her hair is tied up in a messy ponytail that does nothing to hide how dirty it is.
Nancy sighs and Robin tucks her chin a little deeper into her chest.
Nancy starts the car.
It takes Robin a few minutes to realize they’re not heading toward any of their houses. They’re at least a mile outside of town when she sits up, eyes glancing around the landscape and then shooting looks at Nancy out of the corner of her eye.
She still doesn’t ask though.
She hasn’t said a word and that silence kills Nancy more than she ever thought possible.
She can’t believe there was once a day when she found Robin’s rambling annoying. She can’t believe there was a day when she’d rather send her away than keep her close.
Now, she craves the sound of her voice. Her heart aches at the loss of her constant narration. The skin of her hand echoes with the ghost of Robin’s playing with her fingers when she’s bored while Nancy’s driving.
She needs to fix this.
They finally get to their destination and Nancy pulls over to park. It’s just an old field with some crumbling picnic tables and hay bales. They’ve been here before. They found it on one of their first drives to nowhere and it’s become a fairly regular getaway spot for them in the months since.
Now, with the fading afternoon light and the silence between them, Nancy can’t help but notice how sad it looks.
Tables warped and broken.
Bales rotting and forgotten.
She sighs and lets Robin hold the silence for another minute before she finally breaks. “We need to talk.”
Robin’s throat clicks audibly as she swallows. “No need to. I’m…I’m happy for you both. I’m sorry for avoiding you. I’ll stop. I-I’ll be better. Can you take me back now please? It’s been a long day.”
Her voice is scratchy and low, likely from equal parts disuse and tears, and Nancy has to close her eyes. “No, we’re going to talk about this,” she whispers.
A dull tapping starts and Nancy opens her eyes again to see Robin’s foot jiggling against the floorboard.
“I’m really sorry for freaking out and being distant. I-I’ll apologize to Steve, too. It was very uncool of me. I get that. But I promise, I heard Steve loud and clear. I didn’t tell anyone and I won’t tell anyone.”
Nancy tilts her head and shifts in her seat to face Robin more directly, even as Robin stays facing forward.
Her spine is straight now, clearly strung with tension. Her knee is bouncing so fast she has a shot at actually putting a hole in the floor. Her hands twist and pull at each other in a way that makes Nancy’s ache in sympathy. “That’s not what he meant when he tried talking to you. He said you wouldn’t give him the chance to explain. I would like to explain.”
Something flickers over Robin’s face, sad and defeated. “I really would prefer not to hear the details. I promise I won’t be a problem for you two.”
Nancy clears her throat. “There is no ‘us two.’”
Robin’s spine tightens further and her knee stops bouncing. She tilts her head toward Nancy a bit and Nancy’s chest loosens for the first time in days at the little glimpse of Robin’s eyes. “That’s what Steve and I have been trying to tell you for days. You really didn’t walk into what you thought. We’re not getting back together.”
Robin’s eyes dart around the field in front of them and Nancy knows her well enough at this point to know that Robin’s replaying all of the conversations and memories in her head over and over again to figure out what’s real and what’s not. She’s trying to see what she missed or where Nancy might be trying to trick her.
Nancy’s chest clenches at the idea of Robin losing so much trust in her that she’d worry about that. She scoots a little closer on the seat and grabs Robin’s hands with one of her own, stroking her thumb up and down the long tendons, and they fall still under her.
“Y-you’re not?” Robin whispers.
“We’re not.”
Robin’s forehead dips and she finally sneaks a longer glance at Nancy.
Nancy catches her eye and leans forward when she tries to look away, silently begging her to come back.
After a second she does and Nancy holds her skittish, jittery gaze with her own, heart fluttering. “I-i-is that my fault?” Robin whispers. It’s a small, terrified little gasp that has Nancy’s hand reaching up to tuck a few loose strands of hair out of Robin’s face in a desperate effort to calm her. Robin’s eyes flicker at the movement but she doesn’t pull away.
Nancy drops her hand back down to hold Robin’s. “Not at all. It was never even remotely a possibility. We weren’t doing anything like that that day.”
Robin’s brow furrows deeper and, to Nancy’s surprise, a small flush of anger colors her cheeks. “Don’t talk to me like I’m stupid. I saw you. I-I know what I saw.”
Although Nancy’s chest recoils back into a tense knot at the shift, she forces herself to stay calm. “I know what it looked like but I promise it wasn’t.”
The flush grows. “Then what was it?”
Nancy hesitates, biting her lip. “We…we can talk about that in a minute, but first we still need to talk about this. I need to know why it would have mattered so much to you.”
There’s a split second where Robin’s anger seems to war with Nancy’s question behind her eyes, but then the color completely drains from Robin’s face and she looks down. Her eyes land on Nancy’s hands and almost seem to register them there for the first time. She goes stock-still, staring down at them with wide eyes. “It was nothing. Just surprised me. You know how I can get. Sorry for all of the trouble.”
Her breath is shaking.
Face still so, so pale.
“That’s a lie,” Nancy says. “Why are you lying to me?”
Robin quivers under her and Nancy adds a little pressure to her hand.
It’s meant to be reassuring. Comforting. Robin usually likes it when Nancy holds her hand and offers her grounding pressure. This time, though, Robin’s breath shakes harder. “I’m- I’m- not. It’s nothing. Nothing. I’m-”
“Still lying,” Nancy says. “Robin, I brought you here because I’m pretty sure I know why it freaked you out so much and I want to talk to you about it. Please, you can trust me with this.”
“Y-you think you know what?” Robin whispers.
There’s a layer to Robin’s tone now that sends a warning signal up Nancy’s spine, so she chooses her words carefully, not wanting to come at this too directly. “I saw the look on your face. That wasn’t just surprise. That was heartbreak. Jealousy. When you thought you saw him with me, you…”
But Robin’s not really listening anymore. Her breathing grows shakier and shakier until she finally rips her hands out from under Nancy’s. She paws at the door, struggling to find the handle and tumble out of the car.
Nancy stays frozen in the car for a few seconds, mind struggling to process the sight of Robin trying to run away from her yet again, before she finally kicks into action. She slides out of the car as quickly and carefully as possible.
Robin’s taking a few unstable steps away from the car as Nancy rounds the front to face her. Their eyes lock for just a second before Robin drops her chin again and stumbles back to put some more space between them again. She only stops when her back bumps against the side of the car.
“Please don’t run again.”
Robin’s eyes plead back, begging her for a million things that Nancy can’t quite follow. She doesn’t say anything though, seemingly unable to as her breath keeps coming in those short, ragged breaths.
“You can talk to me about it. I promise. It’s okay if you feel that way. I think it’s important for you to get it off your chest and then we can all figure out how to move on.”
Robin shakes her head faster and faster. “There’s nothing. Just me being stupid. Nothing.”
Nancy takes a step closer. “Steve mentioned-”
Every muscle in Robin’s body jerks as she gasps hard, breath seeming to get stuck somewhere deep in her chest. Her hands fly up in front of herself, palms facing Nancy as if she’s surrendering to her. “Whatever he said he’s lying. It’s not true. It’s not true.”
Nancy’s own chest finally tightens so hard her heart cracks, flooding pain throughout her system. She raises her own hands to mirror Robin’s placatingly. “It’s ok. It’s ok. It’s nothing bad.”
But Robin just keeps repeating, “It’s not true,” over and over again like her life depends on it. Her eyes scan the area around them, clearly trying to find an escape, and Nancy’s both sorry and grateful she thought to bring Robin out here before confronting her. She’s sure she would have run by now if she had the chance, but she hates that she feels this scared and trapped in Nancy’s presence. She’s not sure what she did that could ever make her distrust her this much, but she’d give anything to take that look out of Robin’s eyes right now.
She creeps forward, hands still outstretched, until she’s able to take Robin’s in her own.
Robin flinches hard again, slamming her back into the car and then sliding down to sit on the ground.
Nancy follows her down, sitting in front of her with their hands clasped between them.
Robin finally breaks out of her chant after a few minutes and her eyes swim back up to Nancy’s, hazy and dark.
“It’s ok. I promise it’s ok. Nothing bad’s going to happen. You’re safe. You’re safe with me,” Nancy whispers over and over again.
Robin blinks at her rummily, neither nodding nor disagreeing.
Nancy assumes it’s the best she’s going to get right now. “Are you ok?” she whispers.
Robin swallows thickly. “What did Steve say?”
The muscles in Nancy’s chest contract and contract, squeezing whatever’s left of her heart like a grape. “We really don’t have to talk about this if it’s that upsetting. I’m sorry. This was a bad idea. We can jus-”
“What. Did. Steve. Say.” Robin’s tone is cold, almost dead, as she enunciates each word. It sends a cold shiver down Nancy’s spine.
“He said he had romantic feelings for you once. Said he told you after a big trauma and that it was terrible timing but then you both realized you would never work together.”
Robin blinks at her. “That’s all he said?”
“Yes,” Nancy confirms quickly.
Robin’s body loses all tension and she tips her head back against the car with a dull thud that has Nancy wincing sympathetically.
“W-what did you think he told me?”
Robin’s eyes slide closed and a few tears slip down her cheeks. “I’m a terrible friend.”
Despite the timing, Nancy knows Robin’s not saying it in answer to her question. “You are not!”
Robin shakes her head, grinding her skull against the car as she does. “I am. I thought there was a chance that my two best friends were getting together and all I could think about was myself instead of their happiness. Then, when you tried talking to me about it and said he talked to you, I assumed the absolute worst immediately even though I know Steve would never, ever do that to me. I know he wouldn’t. I’m the worst. I’m a terrible friend. He would never do that to me.”
“Do what?” Nancy questions gently, putting the rest to the side to refute further later.
Robin’s eyes pop open and the blue swirls with too many things for her to identify and name. “Why did you bring it up? Why did you bring me here?”
Nancy bites her lip and rocks her weight back to sit solidly on the ground in front of her. “Because you’re in love with Steve and I wanted to talk about why you’re so scared of that.”
There’s a pause of about five seconds before a peal of laughter breaks from Robin’s chest. It’s not long. Not forced. It’s more a hysterical release of tension as Robin shakes her head.
Nancy’s stomach plummets.
She’d been so sure.
She replays the moment in her head over and over again. The look on Robin’s face. Both Steve and Robin’s reactions. It only makes sense if Robin was seeing someone she loves with someone else, as much as it might hurt Nancy to think about.
After a few seconds, Robin’s laughter dies and a strange solemnity slides across her face. She stares at Nancy for a long beat, eyes still swirling.
“Why was that funny?” Nancy asks eventually.
Robin swallows hard. “I’m not in love with Steve.”
And Nancy stares into her eyes.
And she hears the words.
And the pieces finally, finally click into place just a second before Robin says them aloud.
“I’m in love with you.”
“Oh.”