Archive of Our Own

Eddie's POV

Eddie did not want to go to a club. He attempted to reject, deflect, and avoid it too many times before finally caving.

Buck was talking about chastity belts, putting a magnifying glass to his disastrous dating history, and reminding Eddie of all the reasons he didn't want to date. Forced conversations, pretending to care, and fumbling awkward first time sex with a new partner: Buck would call it all exciting. Eddie dreaded every aspect of it.

Mostly he hated the forced attempts to rework his entire life to fit someone who was the wrong shape. That's what he did, every time, inevitably. He was tired of the messes he made, and tired of the fallout. Chris didn't deserve it.

The barrage of words from Buck and Ravi were making his head spin and heart palpitate. His anxiety sky-rocketed and he tried to walk away, but the insistent chatter behind him continued.

There were expectations, he supposed, of a single 30-something year old man. He knew this, and he hated them.

Shouldn't he want to date? Shouldn't he want a romantic partner? Shouldn't he want to have sex? Probably yes, on all accounts.

It didn't change the fact that he didn't.

But they wouldn't stop bringing it up. Attacked from both fronts, Eddie caved. He could pretend to be normal for a night. Hell, he'd pretended for months with Ana and Marisol. What was once more? 

They were relentless. They pointed and picked out women, and Eddie made excuse after excuse. When Buck decided to approach a woman on his behalf, Eddie's hair was standing on end.

When Ravi joked about Buck being the worst wingman ever, and pointed out Buck getting said woman's number, a wave of relief washed over him. Good.

He urged Buck to keep talking to the woman, Jade, desperate to get the attention off of himself. When Zane also hit on Buck, it felt like a two for one special. (The irony of this would only be noted later.) 

With Buck sufficiently distracted and dancing more frequently as the alcohol hit him harder, Eddie was planning his Irish goodbye.

Ravi was making eyes at a woman across the bar, but had a little more restraint than Buck, apparently, because he was still by Eddie's side.

"Hey man, why don't you go talk to her? I'll do a lap and hopefully find someone to talk to, too."

"You're going to do a lap to the door. Don't deny it, I've been watching you stare at the exit sign for the last twenty minutes."

"Maybe the love of my life is having a smoke break outside," Eddie joked. He already knew that wasn't the case, but that was a topic for a different day and an Eddie that was much less anxious.

"I'm not gonna force you to stay if you don't want to be here. At least you showed up. I had money on you flaking." Ravi shrugged and patted Eddie on the back of his shoulder.

Eddie wished he had canceled, so the words did nothing but solidify his choice to leave.

"Hey, I said I'd try." Eddie shrugged unapologetically. "Go get her, tiger."

Ravi raised his bottle in salute and walked away. Eddie sighed in relief, tension melting away.

As planned, he headed to the exit, intending to send Buck a text about his departure. When he physically ran into the man himself, the text became pointless.

"Eddie!" Buck had an arm slung over his shoulder instantly, and Eddie felt caught in the act. "This is Eddie."

Eddie gave a short rise and fall of his brows to greet the woman who turned their duo into a triangle.

"I'm Jade." 

"Where're you going?" Buck leaned forward to ask, using Eddie's shoulder as a pillar.

"Bathroom," Eddie lied.

"Liar."

He never said he was good at it.

"I came, I saw, it's time to go."

"Aw, c'mon. What about her?" Buck shouldered him to turn and look at yet another woman, who looked suspiciously similar to Ana. 

"I'm gonna go." Eddie insisted and Buck frowned. His attention was fully on Eddie, and the woman - Jade - had fallen to the background. She stood patiently, eyeing the two of them carefully. Eddie and her eyes met. She smiled flirtatiously and started scanning him up and down.

Well. It was clear that Jade had a mission that night and Eddie had no intention of helping her complete it. Buck was free to be a one night stand, if that's what he wanted. (Eddie already knew it wasn't.) The prospect of leaving got even easier, knowing this woman wasn’t what Buck was really looking for.

"Good luck with it, bud." Eddie clasped Buck on the shoulder in farewell.

"We're making you a profile on an app tomorrow." Buck relented and shook his head with a grin.

"Sure." Eddie smiled and took one last look at Jade, who was now making eyes across the room at the guy who paid for their drinks earlier, and Eddie felt even better about leaving Buck to it. The woman was clearly flighty and just looking for a hookup. Eddie had no interest in casual sex, so if Buck needed to seek that out, who was he to judge or try to stop him? As a best friend he had the right to judge a potential long-term partner, sure, but that's not what this was.

So Eddie left, not necessarily happily, but with self assured confidence that he was perfectly fine staying single and going home alone. It was easy to walk away knowing that Buck hadn't just met the next potential love of his life. He would end up back at Eddie's eventually, where he was always welcome and belonged.

The thing about it was: Eddie felt indifferent about sex. 

He understood how great sex was. He did enjoy it once he was having it, in the moment... but before that? He really didn't crave it.

He wasn't a complete technophobe. He was a millennial with the internet at his fingertips, after all. He could Google and search on reddit for insight, and he had. He had a low sex drive, and it wasn't the most uncommon thing in the world. He suspected he was on the spectrum of asexual, which resonated with him during those internet deep dives. He was fine with that, if it was the case.

Mostly, he just hated the labels and expectations of relationships. After a history of forcing himself to try to feel things for people he didn't want, and trying to adhere to male social norms, he was tired. He just wanted to be happy, or content, and not allow others to dictate his behavior. He was fairly certain this wisdom came with age, and for the first time in his life he was starting to feel free. He could do whatever he wanted: even if that was nothing at all.

The next time Ravi invited him out, Eddie didn't cave. He didn't make excuses at all, he just honestly told him: I don't want to. And that was it.

His relationship with Buck was the most important in his life. The trust, dependability, kindness, and fun they had made it the best one he's ever had. He did love Buck, it wasn't a question at all. Buck was his family, who he trusted most, and who he wanted to spend most of his time with.

It wasn't a surprise that fleeting thoughts of "what if" had crossed his mind. What if they just called it a day and made it official? What if they just chose one another and stopped looking elsewhere for partners that inevitably paled in comparison?

But then conversations about sex would happen, and Buck would be enthused about getting laid. He'd be excited about going out and meeting someone new, and Eddie would strike down his own feelings and thoughts. He just didn't have the same urges that Buck had. He'd never been with a man, wasn't sure if he'd ever want to be, and tried not to think about it. He was happy without sex.

What he had with Buck was enough as it was, for him. But to Buck? It'd be lacking.

Eddie wasn't jealous, honestly he wasn't, which convinced him even more that being best friends and nothing more was the way things had to stay. He understood on a logical level that most people wanted sex frequently, even if he couldn't relate to it. He got horny, of course, but he was good at taking care of it himself, and once he did the urge went away for days. For the most part he was happy for Buck when he was able to find someone to be with, and hoped it would be a fun time for him.

At the end of the day Eddie knew that he was the most important person to Buck, just as Buck was to him. They'd navigated Buck's relationship with Tommy flawlessly, if Eddie said so himself. He was still Buck's emergency contact and first contact by choice, for any given need. Call him arrogant, but Eddie knew he always would be. Jealousy was pointless.

He wasn't happy about the whole love triangle chaos that had started the night they all went out together. (Eddie tried not to feel vindicated about it all.) His discontent came from how Buck was treated, rather than jealousy about the hookups. The couple had hooked up with him under false pretenses; they'd gotten his hopes up twice, just to blindside him with the truth later.

The day they showed up at the firehouse, Eddie and Ravi had clocked immediately that Buck was hurt after it was all said and done. He hadn't bothered to hide the dragging of his feet as he walked out of the bay and towards his car to leave. Ravi gave Eddie a look that said, 'well that sucks,' along with a shrug, and they had all gone their separate ways.

Eddie reached out to Buck to check on him, and he said he was okay. He admitted to needing time to sort out his priorities and decide what he wanted going forward. Like with all things Buck-related, Eddie knew that when he was ready to talk, Buck would come to him first eventually.

It was a week later, after a rare movie night that included Christopher the too-cool-for-his-dad teenager, when Buck brought it up. The duo was seated in their favorite living room, on their favorite sofa, each next to their favorite person.

“That couple was kind of shitty, right? I'm not making that up in my head, am I?”

Eddie had to hold back a scoff. “Absolutely not. They sucked.”

"I still wouldn't be their first choice, you know? Even if I did date them both." The edge of the beer label was flaking as Buck's nail dug into it.

Eddie nodded in understanding. One thing Buck wore on his sleeve was his desire for a relationship - one where he was able to prioritize his partner and also be the priority. A mutual, reciprocal, honest partnership. (Eddie also knew he already had one.)

"They weren't upfront, either. Not a great start. If they wanted a threesome they should have just asked."

"Yeah... they both kind of made it seem like it was more than that. Maybe it was about connecting, too, in some way?" Buck looked like he genuinely wanted to know the answer. Unfortunately, Eddie didn't have it. He could be kind, though.

"Yeah, that could have been part of it. It'd be stupid to fumble you."

Buck pursed his lips and muttered, "Thanks."

They sat in silence and Eddie waited for Buck to share what he was cooking up in that brain of his.

"I think they used me for sex. Twice." Buck looked upset, his words falling flat. Eddie frowned. "And what sucks is that I let them. I put myself in that position, like I used to. I thought I was over all that."

"They weren't upfront, and they should have been. It's not on you." 

"You and Ravi both said I should have asked for their last names. I was stupid and desperate for affection. As usual." Buck leaned back on the sofa, slumping.

"You're not stupid, you were hopeful. That's not a bad thing, don't let their crappy decisions take that from you." Eddie patted Buck's knee in support. "You said it was mind-blowing sex, at least."

"The sex doesn't matter when I feel like this afterwards." 

"Sex doesn't really matter at all," Eddie said.

"You need to get laid, man. Looks like you need a refresher." Buck laughed slightly and shook his head.

"I don't really care to anymore," Eddie said. He didn't often talk about sex, especially not as openly as Buck did.

"What do you mean?" Buck sounded confused.

"I don't care about sex." He shrugged, putting it plainly.

"Don't you get horny?" Buck asked bluntly and Eddie shrugged again. 

"I mean, sure, but I don't need a partner for that." He raised his eyebrows. "I'm good."

Buck looked baffled.

"How? What?"

Eddie let out an undignified snort. "I think you know how." He shook his head with amusement then answered more clearly. "I don't want to deal with all the bullshit that goes along with dating, just to get to have sex. I can get the same results without having to do all the extra work. I'm good with my life. With this." He lifted his beer and waved it around at the house.

"But it's not the same results! It's with another person, a warm body, hands... it's better. Like, significantly better." Buck was looking at him like he had two heads. "And that's just the sex. The companionship is the best part of it. Knowing you have someone who will always choose you and be there? That's love. That's it."

"I already have that," Eddie said plainly, like it was obvious. Actually, he thought it was obvious. "You."

Buck looked like he'd been slapped. Eddie wondered if he had just crossed a line and needed to retract, but at the same time he didn't want to. It wasn't as if it was a big secret or anything. Buck and him were a pair.

"You have Maddie, too," Eddie decided to add, just to make his point clearer.

"Maddie's my sister," Buck said adamantly, eyes wide.

"Why are we stating obvious things here?" Eddie turned to face Buck, brow furrowed in confusion.

"Maddie didn't pick me, she loves me by default because we're family."

"Not everyone loves their family, Buck, you know that."

"Why are you acting like what you're saying isn't crazy?" Buck looked irritated. He set his beer down on the coffee table.

"You always put me first and, other than Christopher, I do the same for you. What's the problem with that? I don't need a girlfriend or wife. I'm happy."

And the crazy thing was - it was true.

One year ago he would have laughed if someone asked if he was happy. He was at his lowest: without his son, trying to find a partner in women he didn't love and ghosts from his past, and leaving LA for El Paso. Since then, he'd gained perspective and acceptance. He didn't have to do what everyone else wanted or said in order to be happy.

"What about me?" Buck said, and Eddie was surprised by the hurt laced in it.

"Huh?" Eddie turned fully to him.

"What about what I need to be happy? You're fine with this, but... happens when I find someone I want to be with long term? What happens when my priorities shift?"

Eddie had half a mind to scoff, because it was absurd based on the history of their relationship. Even when Buck had a partner he was always there for Eddie, and visa versa. Hell, he usually put Eddie before his partners, and definitely put Chris before them. Considering anything less was pointless, because Eddie wouldn't allow it to happen.

"You wouldn't just leave us behind. I know you. I trust you."

Buck sat in silence. Eddie hoped he was taking in the words as truth and letting the reassurance calm him enough to let the topic die. He was happy with Buck as it was, and wanted it to stay that way. Simple as that. Eddie refocused on the tv and started clicking through their options.

"What if we had sex?" Buck finally spoke after minutes of silence between them.

Eddie's head turned so fast his neck made a cracking noise.

"It's the only thing we don't do at this point. I'm basically your boyfriend. According to you, I'm always going to be here for you, always around, and I prioritize you enough that you don't want a girlfriend." The more he spoke, the harder his voice got. He sounded exasperated, almost. "So. What if we just have sex, too? Get it over with. That's all that's missing apparently."

Eddie wasn't sure if Buck was joking, but his voice was borderline angry. Buck didn't get angry often, and if he was then it was usually something to take seriously. 

"I... what?"

"Maddie was fucking right," Buck said incredulously, and let out a huff of humorless laughter. 

"I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you, Eddie." Buck's voice was dejected. He was frowning severely. "Why else would I put you first all the time? You just said it yourself: I'm never going to leave you behind unless you tell me to."

"I wouldn't do that," Eddie said, not hesitating, but he didn't know what else to say. 

He loved Buck, too, but... well he did. There wasn't really a but to be had.

Buck was staring at him openly, looking kind of devastated, and very confused. Eddie wasn't feeling very confident either, but Buck had been honest and he wanted to be, too.

"Yeah me too, I think," Eddie said slowly, "...I might love you." He could read a room: he knew this wasn't sounding like good news to Buck. But, it didn't have to be bad.

"You do?" Buck's brows raised in surprise.

"I must, right? You're you."

"Eddie, what the fuck?"

Eddie didn't know, was the problem. He just knew his feelings, and that was it.

"But I don't want to have sex with you. I don't want to have sex with anyone right now," Eddie said honestly.

"Would you have sex with me?" Buck leaned forward, intrigued.

Eddie had to stop himself from automatically responding with a 'no.' Instead, he considered it. He'd had fleeting thoughts about sex with men in the past, especially around the time Buck came out as bisexual. At the time, however, he'd been with Marisol and already urging himself to have sex with her despite not wanting to. Considering any man at that point had made him even less inclined to have sex, with how mixed up his feelings were.

But now, with a clearer mind and a happier life, he could consider it.

Sex did feel good, especially when he loved his partner. He knew that with Shannon, at least, sex had been something he genuinely looked forward to and initiated. This was especially true during the times they were getting along and excited about being together.

Buck had a dick, sure, but so did Eddie, and he could figure out how to use one that wasn't his own. It wasn't really about that.

The thought of Buck never leaving his house and laying in bed with him until they were old and gray, however...

That was making his heart beat harder in his chest. He could imagine cuddling Buck in the morning and having a cup of coffee ready the way he liked. He wasn't the better chef between them, but he was the better barista. 

He could imagine it:

Leaning over Buck in bed, hands propping himself up, looking down at his best friend splayed out on his back. Maybe they were wearing clothes. Maybe they weren't. It didn't matter because both of them were smiling and happy. They would be having fun, probably, trusting one another with whatever came next. He could do anything to make sure they stayed happy.

"Yeah, I would. If I was in the mood," Eddie said at long last, his eyes scanning Buck's face carefully to read his response.

"Wow. Okay. But you don't want to often?"

"I mean, maybe? I don't know..." Eddie rubbed his palms against his thighs, feeling flustered by the question. "When I was with Shannon sometimes I would be really into it, as long as we were in a good place. Like if we weren't fighting about Christopher or my parents. I guess I just need to be in the right mood."

Buck nodded thoughtfully. "Sometimes when I'm in a bad mood sex is the only thing I want."

"I could do that. For you." Eddie said instinctively, quickly, before his brain could fully process what he was saying. 

"Jesus," Buck sighed and shifted in his seat, spreading his legs out slightly and moving his feet.

"I think," Eddie added at the last second, trying to recover some of his pride. He could feel the warmth of his face heating up.

"Okay, so what should we do about this?" Buck's eyes were searching Eddie's face.

Eddie, for all his confidence and control, was unable to stop himself from fully checking out Buck and the growing bulge between his legs.

What the fuck was going on?

The panic that had somehow been held at bay flooded him like a dam breaking. He snapped his face forward and sat up straight, shoulders stiff.

What were they doing?

"I-I mean, what do you want to do about it?"

"Well I kind of want to kiss you but I don't think you want me to," Buck said with honesty.

Eddie shook his head vehemently.

"No, not right now." His hands started shaking.

An hour ago he was happily living his life for the first time in years, content with his son, job, life, best friend, chosen family, and feeling free as a single man. Now he was realizing he was in some kind of love with his best friend and wanting to make a lifelong commitment.

He was a nester, sure, but he was also really fucking good a ruining the lives of the people he dated.

"I think I need a minute." Eddie stood up and walked to the kitchen before Buck could respond. He shut the door behind him.

Buck's POV

Buck was having his own mental conniption. For everything that he was upset by with the married couple - feeling used and insignificant - Eddie was doing the opposite. Eddie: his no-longer-strictly-straight best friend that he'd just declared his love for.

He would always respect Eddie's boundaries and needs, but it wasn't stopping his thoughts from racing and body from reacting. His invasive mind had dreamt up a few scenarios that included Eddie in the past, and Buck had written them off as unhinged dreams. Now, he was realizing that some of those fantasies may not be so impossible. 

The whole conversation had happened abruptly, throwing a wrench in their solid 8 year friendship, knocking down boundaries that had been soldered many years ago. Now what?

Just because Eddie would, didn't mean they should, did it? What about what they wanted? Rather than shoulds, maybe they needed to focus on that.

What did Buck want?

Stability. Love. Family. A home. To be put first. To be chosen. Unconditional love.

The prospect of Eddie providing that for the rest of his life was... kind of amazing.

Eddie. Eddie freaking Diaz. Who was reliable, thoughtful, caring, hilarious, kind, strong, and handsome. Very, very handsome. 

Buck licked his lips.

Yeah. He wanted Eddie. He could imagine never wanting anything else ever again if he had Eddie.

He shifted his eyes to the kitchen door, behind which Eddie was likely deciding their fates, too. Buck didn't want Eddie to choose anything but him. Fear washed over him when he realized that Eddie could very well be talking himself out of them, just a few feet away. He didn't want to pressure him, but he also wanted Eddie.

Shit. What should he do??

Buck stood up and debated, unsure of how to proceed. He took a step forward then stopped, feeling trapped in a limbo of will-he-won't-he. He had to trust that whatever happened, things would work out. Nothing had to change at all. They would be best friends regardless of anything else... right? Well, Eddie would be his best friend no matter what, at least.

Eddie had made him wonder the question: what would happen if Buck found a different person to be with? What if Buck found himself in love with someone new? What would become of his friendship with Eddie? Like Eddie said, they were already the everything-and-all to him; could he ever really let them go at this point? 

He didn't want to. God, he didn't want to...

But what did Eddie want?

Eddie's POV

Eddie wanted to run out of his own damn house. He was overwhelmed and confused, and had no idea what to do about it.

How was he supposed to face Buck when Buck was his problem?

Buck wasn't like him. Buck decided something and then took it without hesitating. Buck didn't ruminate or try to plan ten steps ahead to make sure a mine wouldn't go off in the future. His best friend would encourage him to be brave, and Eddie would listen, as always. That's what Buck did for him: pulled him out of his head and helped him make a move when he was stagnant.

Eddie stepped towards the door to return to the living room (to Buck). But then he froze.

Because this wasn't just another adventure that held no real weight, no real risk. This was the second most important part of his world he was going to wager.

Eddie was terrible at relationships. The odds were not in his favor. His brain was telling him no, but his heart was pounding in his chest, beating steadily but firmly, urging him to go for what he wanted. The idea of not choosing Buck was truly jarring. It was a non-option. It would always be him and Buck, no matter what happened, if Eddie had a say in it. It would have to be Buck to end them, because he never would. 

Eddie didn't always have faith in himself. He worried that he wasn't good enough: as a father, as a son, as a husband, as a Catholic, and as a partner. 

There was one single exception in his world: he had faith in Buck. He had faith that he would never lose him; he had faith that he wouldn't let go of him. It was a solid, mutual fact that had gotten them to this point.

Eddie had never walked into a room knowing that he was unconditionally loved.

There was a first time for everything.

Eddie half fell through the doorway into his living room. He was ninety-nine percent sure Buck was still waiting for him on the other side, but the one percent took control of him the moment his hands met the door to the living room. Once he saw Buck he walked right up to him and put his hands on his hips with confidence.

"Alright, you can kiss me now.”

Buck smiled, immediately relaxing when it was clear Eddie wasn't rejecting him.

They were doing this. They were going to do this. Together, as best friends, as trusting adults who loved one another.

"Why can't you kiss me?”

"It was your idea," Eddie said, a little flustered. He leaned forward. Their lips were only a few inches apart.

Buck's eyes scanned his face and landed on his lips. He licked his own and raised his hand to Eddie's chin, holding it gently in his fingers to direct him.

"I'm pretty good at this. Fair warning, you're about to have your mind blown."

Eddie rolled his eyes.

"Give me a break, Buckley."

Buck closed the distance and held his lips against Eddie's for a few seconds. They didn't move, just pressed lightly, like a first kiss between two people with very little experience and a whole lot of nerves.

Eddie pulled back. Buck's eyes were already open by the time he cracked one of his to assess the situation.

"Really?" Eddie said, deadpanned, completely unimpressed.

"Are you sure about this?" Buck's confidence from before their lackluster kiss was completely gone. Instead, he looked terrified. "We can't undo it if we do this."

"We're already doing it." Eddie tried not to sound exasperated.

"That was an accident."

"Our first kiss was an accident?"

"No!" Buck's face turned even more horrified.

Eddie, on the other hand, started to smile.

"Brace yourself."

"Wha-?"

Eddie pulled him forward, interrupting whatever he was going to say next, and kissed Buck with intent.

He sucked his lower lip and then nibbled, and brought his hand to the nape of Buck's neck in order to push and pull him in the direction he needed for better access. Buck was receptive of Eddie's control, following his lead and opening his mouth to accommodate Eddie's lips and tongue however he wanted to explore. One of his arms wrapped around Eddie's lower back and held him closer.

At a certain point, Buck started to push back for some control and rolled his tongue against Eddie's in a way that sent shivers down his spine. The kiss had grown from chaste to claiming, and that thought had Eddie feeling more excited about everything. Eddie had claimed Buck as his so long ago, he didn't even know exactly when it happened. Now, he was doing it in a physical way, too. Eddie was happy to participate.

It was a welcome feeling, wanting to be wanted by Buck, and not shying away from the affection. When Buck ground their hips together, Eddie didn't even mind it. He indulged, pushing back, wondering what Buck was thinking about through it all. Did it feel good? Eddie loved when Buck was happy, especially when he was part of the reason why.

"Okay, okay, okay," Buck started mumbling against their connected lips, and nodded. "Break."

Eddie listened and took the smallest step back, but kept his hand on the nape of Buck's neck.

"You good? We good?" Buck said breathlessly.

"Yeah, you?" Eddie asked back, already knowing Buck's answer from the dazed, happy look on his face.

"Still best friends?"

"Always, right?"

"Yeah. Yeah, always." Buck pressed his lips against Eddie's hard for a brief, sealing kiss, and then stepped away fully.

The distance gave them both a view of their reality: the other one, standing across from them, ready to stand alongside them for whatever came next.

"Okay, so, you and me? Forever, right?" The words sounded a lot more serious out loud than in Eddie's head, and he immediately flushed.

Buck's face transformed into a hopeful, goofy smile that lit up his entire face.

"Really?"

"The forever thing is happening whether we keep kissing or not."

"You're going to kill me, Eddie. You keep saying the most romantic shit without even realizing what you're doing." Buck ran a hand through his hair lightly.

Eddie's cheeks were probably tinted red, but he felt confident in what they were doing regardless.

"I just want to be clear: I'm happy with what we have already. You. Anything else is extra. I don't want you to be let down if I can't always match your, um, enthusiasm. I can't keep doing that to myself anymore." 

The last year of Eddie's life had been one of his best, and it was because he stopped trying to fit molds to please other people. He was with Buck because he finally embraced his own wants and needs. 

Buck's head tilted curiously. "But you do like sex, right?"

"Sometimes," Eddie answered honestly.

"I can work with that." Buck grinned. "Are you good with, like, touching? Kissing? Hugging?"

Eddie nodded. He preferred it, actually. The comfort and reassurance was what he primarily wanted out of a relationship: he didn't need anything more than what they already had, but he could accept it, enjoy it, and give it, if it made Buck happy. He was fairly confident that he would want it, too, eventually.

"Let's get back to whatever we were doing. Normal best friend things." Buck pressed a quick kiss against his lips again, surprising him, and returned to the sofa. He picked up his unfinished (and likely warm) beer, and started clicking through the channels. Eddie watched and the screaming in his mind died down with each breath. Buck was relaxed, spread out on his side of the sofa the way he preferred, and looked right at home. As far as Eddie was concerned, he was home.

At long last, Eddie stopped his admiration and took a seat beside Buck, much closer than usual. Buck smiled at him sweetly, wrapped an arm over his shoulder, and tugged him closer.

It was just Buck. 

That was all he needed.