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Evan Buckley hadn't been in a relationship since his with Tommy had ended. Not that he minded - not really. He still went out. Met people. Kissed said people. His cup was full in life. He was as willing to experiment as the next person. That was just in his nature.
Eddie Diaz hadn't been in a relationship ever since his son and his ex-girlfriend had caught him hugging a woman who was a dead ringer for his late wife, Shannon. He was't sure if he could actually remember how to flirt with a woman. Or kiss them. Or even - just date them.
He had his fair share of tales from his best friend, however. Especially, most recently when Buck had kissed and dated a pair of siblings - his dating life wasn't for the faint hearted. But the absurdity of it just made Eddie appreciate it even more, to be honest.
Anyway - the pair of them were both single, which meant that their nights after work were completely empty. Which was why, on this Tuesday night, they were both at Buck's place, enjoying a few beers, Buck's record player filling the silence of the home.
Chris was over at his friend's for the night, which meant Eddie had nowhere else to be. He was content to be here, with Buck.
"I'm just saying, I think I finally might be doomed," Buck groaned, taking a swig of his beer. "I haven't even tried to kiss anyone since that whole...debacle with the siblings," he continued. "What if next time it's a married couple? I mean - no offence to the people who are into it. I'm just...not."
Eddie, too, swigged his beer. "Why not?"
Buck looked at him pointedly. "If I'm in a relationship, I want to focus on one person. Love one person. I don't like to share."
Eddie laughed. "True. You are a very jealous -" he coughed, after seeing the look on Buck's face, " - I mean, overprotective person."
Buck shook his head. "It's not even that. I just think I'd get too overwhelmed. Like, keeping up with two birthdays. Two Christmas presents. Two sets of parents, and oh, god, could you imagine what my mom and dad would say?"
Eddie, for Buck's sake, refrained from rolling his eyes. "You're panicking over something that isn't even going to happen. Stop."
Buck sighed, running a hand through his hair. "It's just...I don't particularly care that I'm single. I mean, I'm glad I get to kiss people and move on. Sorta. But a part of me also misses...the connection. You know what I mean?"
Eddie grimaced. "Buck, this takes a lot for me to say this. But you're talking to someone who has an even worse track record than you."
He scoffed. "Abby left me to travel Europe and didn't even break up with me properly. Ali basically ghosted me too. Taylor....well, Taylor is Taylor. Natalia just cared that I died, and then Tommy - well, Tommy was just a mind fuck. I guess they do say that the first gay relationship is always..."
"Always what?" Eddie interjected, looking at him curiously.
Buck shrugged. "I dunno. I think Tommy got in my head. He just said that because he was my first, he wouldn't be my last or some wild shit like that. As I said, mindfuck."
Eddie cocked his head, then rubbed his chin, setting his beer down onto the coffee table. "Apart from the...mindfuckiness of it all, how was it? Your relationship with Tommy? I don't think I ever really asked."
"Well - it started off to be a mess, which was my fault, to be fair, but then it was good. It felt good. And then, obviously - the ending was also pretty messy as well. But for my first proper relationship with a man, it was alright," Buck spoke casually, leaning back into the couch. "I know we never talked about it properly, I just didn't know how you -"
"Buck, it doesn't bother me, you know that," Eddie interrupted, shaking his head. "It never did. I love you for you. Not for who you date." He earned a smile from the man beside him. "I mean, obviously it wasn't nice to hear how affected you were after the break up, and I'm sorry I wasn't here for you."
Buck shrugged him off. "You were where you needed to be. With Chris. I'd never resent you for that, you know that."
Eddie hummed, and then they fell back into a comfortable silence, allowing the music to fill the room again. It wasn't awkward - it never was. Well - except for when they'd argue in a kitchen, which - happened more than you'd think was normal, really.
They were Buck and Eddie.
Eddie and Buck.
Two people who'd quite literally walked through fire for one another. Been there for each other through thick and thin. Eddie had been in Buck's life for eight years, nearly nine, now, but Buck found it difficult to remember life without him. He'd just shown up one day, and after approximately one shift of disliking him (for no good reason, mind), they'd become best friends. Inseparable. Where you found one, the other was close by.
"What was it like?" Eddie asked suddenly, his mouth taking control, speaking before his brain could catch up.
Buck lifted his head and stared over at Eddie, his mouth twitching in confusion. "What do you mean? What was what like?"
Eddie's heart hammered against his chest. "Kissing Tommy."
Buck gawked at Eddie. "You...want to know how it felt kissing Tommy?" he repeated slowly, as if he hadn't heard his best friend correctly.
Eddie cursed under his breath. It hadn't come out exactly how he'd meant it. Not really. But now he had to try and play it off in a nonchalant way. "Yeah, I mean. Tommy - he's a guy. How - how was it. Kissing him. Tommy. A guy, I mean," he spoke, tripping over his words at various points.
Buck's mouth made a tiny O, cocking his head. "Oh - I mean. Sort of the same, I guess? I mean. Also sort of not, like, there was a bit of stubble to contend with. Beard burn, they call it. I - I'm sorry. I don't really know how to explain it in words."
Eddie gulped, nodding his head. "You could show me?" he offered, sitting up a tiny bit straighter.
Buck now looked bewildered. "What, you want me to just pucker my lips and kiss the air? Because, I'm sure you know how to kiss, Eddie. You're -"
Eddie coughed, and he wasn't entirely what had taken over him as he spoke. "Or," he said slowly. "You could kiss someone."
Buck looked around in an effort to display his confusion, as if there was a third person in the room.
Eddie waited patiently for the ball to drop, internally creasing at the fact that Buck was so oblivious. He always had been, but jeez. Eddie hadn't realised it was this bad.
Buck was still looking around until he settled back onto Eddie, looking at him with the same confused expression.
Then -
Ah, there it was. His eyes dropped, and his shoulders relaxed, looking at Eddie.
"You mean -"
Eddie nodded his head slowly, shrugging his shoulders. "I mean - if you want. You don't - you don't have to."
Buck shook his head - not to reject Eddie, but instead to show that he was treading carefully. "No - I mean, not no. Yes. I mean -" he sighed. "I thought you were - well, straight."
Eddie shrugged. "Can't determine that until I've tried."
"But what about -"
Eddie shrugged again. "I've dealt with my fair share of Catholic guilt. I've battled with thoughts about the placement of religion in my life, but - something my Abuela said to me before she died. I need to start looking for love in places it can find me. And if that so happens to be -"
"- with someone of the same gender?" Buck finished.
"Then so be it," Eddie continued, taking a deep breath.
God, save him. He had no idea what he was doing, or saying. Or why he was still doing and saying these things. But he didn't feel the usual tightness of breath, or a sore chest when he usually thought about kissing someone - a woman. Maybe God really was giving him signs. Something to decipher later, anyway.
"Wow, Eddie, I mean -"
"So, practice with me? For the real thing?" Eddie asked bluntly.
Buck placed his bottle next to Eddie's on his coffee table, then cleared his throat. "Are you sure you want to practice with me?" Buck asked again.
Eddie eyed him suspiciously. "Are you secretly a terrible kisser?" he teased, watching the expression from Buck's face change from nervousness to outrage.
"A bad kisser? Please."
Eddie shuffled a tiny bit closer to him. "Then why are you squirming? Shouldn't it be me who's nervous? First time kissing a man, and all."
Buck ran another hand through his hair. "I'm not squirming."
Eddie mused, "not now, you're not. But you were."
Eddie knew what he was doing - Buck responded well to teasing. It almost comforted him, in a way. It was like a song, with the two of them. One would start, then the other would respond. Together, they'd create their own music.
He knew from the sigh that left Buck's mouth that he'd also inched a little closer, and now both their thighs were touching.
Eddie felt electric. It was a feeling he'd never encountered before. Not with Marisol - not with Ana, or Kim. Even Shannon...
"You sure?" Buck asked one last time, turning towards Eddie, their faces inches apart.
It was now or never. He nodded.
Buck leaned forward, and for a moment, he thought he'd imagined it. His lips connected with Buck's, and in a moment, it was all over.
He'd barely had any time to feel it before Buck was pulling away, looking at Eddie expectantly.
Eddie just stared back at Buck, too dazed to really register what was going on.
"So?" Buck asked, still waiting.
Eddie laughed. Really laughed. "Was that - was that it?"
Buck looked affronted. "Well I didn't want to just -"
He didn't get a chance to finish his sentence, because Eddie had grabbed his neck, pulling him closer, and this time their lips didnt just connect. They crashed together, like two tidal waves trying to overpower the other, and the feeling was like no other.
It was euphoric.
It was beautiful. Devastating. Life altering.
And oh, God. Eddie's head was swimming. His eyes were closed, but behind them was a film roll of every living moment he'd experienced with Buck. All of the calls - the days out with Christopher, the face times, the late night drinking, all of it. All of it was there, each memory passing by in a blur.
A muffled noise escaped Buck's throat, and Eddie had to restrain himself from smirking through the kiss. If he'd known that it would have felt like this, he would've kissed Buck years ago.
This. This was what he'd been searching for. This. Exactly this.
He wasn't sure who pulled away first, but eventually, a chill of fresh air hit his lips, and it was the only thing reminding him that he was here. Alive, even.
Buck's lips were still parted, and he was looking at Eddie as if he was seeing him for the first time.
Maybe he was. Maybe that kiss had fundamentally changed him. Maybe he had been reborn.
Eddie glanced over at Buck. "Was that how it was with Tommy?" Eddie asked, still a little breathless. He didn't dare wipe his lips, the taste of Buck still lingering.
Buck shook his head. "No," he admitted quietly. "It's never been like that with anyone."
Eddie Diaz was a proud man, which was why his grin didn't falter. "In a good way, I hope?"
Buck's expression turned dreamlike, and before Eddie could register, Buck was leaning in, initiating the kiss this time.
Eddie allowed himself to melt into it. He could feel Buck's hand wrapping around the smooth of his neck, his other hand coming up, his thumb rubbing soothing circles just underneath his ear. Eddie had never been so fucking content in his life.
Buck pulled away, just ever so slightly, both of their foreheads resting against one another.
"What was that one for?" Eddie asked, though he wasn't complaining.
Buck just grinned, his natural confidence returning. Eddie couldn't stop staring. "Practice makes perfect."
Eddie huffed out a quiet laugh. "Yeah?" he murmured. "Then I think we might need a few more lessons."
Buck's grin widened, soft and bright and a little bit dangerous. Eddie was done for.
Buck ran his hand through Eddie's perfectly put hair, ruffling it and messing it up. "I think I like you looking all disheveled."
"I think I like you exactly the way you are," Eddie whispering, looking up to maintain eye contact with him.
Buck looked as if he could melt. Eddie would scoop him up, if he could.
And then -
A knock at the door.
They both blinked at each other, the moment shattering just slightly at the edges.
Another knock.
"Buck! I know you're in there!"
Maddie.
Buck groaned immediately, breaking the physical contact with Eddie. "You've got to be kidding me."
Eddie was ready to fight. He craved the physical contact - almost immediately. As if Buck was the air he needed to breathe. He was everything.
"It's almost funny," he breathed, "how she's managed to knock on my door at this exact moment."
Eddie wasn't laughing. Nothing about this was funny, and he was ready to literally pounce on Buck if he didn't kiss him again.
Fuck the practice. He wanted the whole damn thing.
"Do you have to answer?" he asked, and it was almost a whine. Almost. He'd pity himself for how desperate he sounded, but the look on Buck's face told him everything he needed to know. He felt the exact same.
"I'll - I'll get rid of her. Give me one second."
"One," Eddie spoke, and whilst Buck laughed, Eddie was dead serious.
Buck left the couch, and Eddie nearly whimpered. God, he was ruined. Buck had well and truly ruined him.
He watched as his - best friend? Love of his damn life? - went to his front door, opening it for his sister.
Eddie zoned out. All he could think about was the kiss - well, kisses, plural. It consumed him.
He couldn't take it any longer. He craved being close to Buck.
He walked over to the front door, and could pinpoint the moment that both Maddie and Buck had realised he'd seemingly materialised out of thin air.
"Hi, Maddie," Eddie spoke, trying to keep his voice level.
Maddie looked at him, and her gaze lingered on his hair and his lips for a second longer than was normal.
Oh -
"Hi, Eddie," she responded, giving him a smile, then looked back at her brother knowingly. "I...think I'll go. Leave you two alone."
Buck stuffed his hands into his pockets. "I - er - yeah. I'll phone you later."
Maddie raised her eyebrows. "Sure. Bye, Buck. Bye, Eddie."
Buck closed the door behind his sister, and then turned to Eddie. "Think she knows?"
Eddie wasn't sure he cared. He stepped closer anyway. "Pretty sure the swollen lips and messy hair gave it away."
Buck didn't respond, however. Because he was too busy staring at Eddie. Really looking.
And Eddie looked back. At the way Buck's hair was slightly messed up, at the flush still lingering across his cheeks, at his lips - oh, God, his lips.
Eddie reached out, hand settling at the back of Buck's neck, pulling him in just enough, and kissed him.
Softer this time. Slower. Not crashing. Not as if they were on a time limit, but instead as if they had the rest of their lives together.
Buck melted into it almost instantly, like he'd been waiting for it - and maybe he was - and his hands came up without thinking, one gripping Eddie's shirt, the other resting against his side.
When they pulled apart, it was barely an inch. As if they both couldn't stand for there to be any distance in between them. It was barely enough to breathe.
"Still practicing?" Eddie murmured, a little breathless.
Buck smiled - soft, pure, a little bit wrecked.
"Yeah," he said quietly. "Feels important to get it right."
Eddie's grin returned, brighter now, easier. "Good," he spoke. "Because I'm a perfectionist."
"Really?" Buck teased. "Y'know, I'd never realised -"
Eddie nudged him lightly. "Shut up." He leaned in again, brushing their noses together before pressing another soft kiss to Buck's lips. Not rushed. Not uncertain. Just...right.
And as Buck smiled into it, something settled deep in his chest.
Maybe practice didn't make perfect. But somehow - they already were.