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Ivan slowly opened his eyes as his consciousness returned, immediately flinching at the light that suddenly hit them. It was completely calm around him, and so he opted to keep them closed while he gathered himself. Why was he here in this place he was fairly certain he did not recognize? What had happened? His brain felt all muddled and slow.
Round 6.
Till.
His eyes jolted wide open, fear filling them. The panic hit him in full force just a second later as he grasped the situation, threatening to choke him.
He was breathing.
He was alive.
He wasn't supposed to be alive. Because, out of the two of them, only one could walk off that stage with his life. He had intended for it to be Till the moment he knew they would end up being inevitably paired. Planned for it. There was simply no other possible outcome he could accept, and he had long come to terms with it. Or, so he thought he had, up till the moment he coughed out blood and the reality that he was really going to die struck him. He had been… afraid then, he thinks? Of dying. But then he had looked at Till, neck still carefully cradled in his harsh hands, protected from any stray bullets under the pretense of choking, and he realised he was okay with it. Living in a world without Till? That was impossible for him. He just- couldn't. He would much rather die, because he would have nothing left to live for if Till died. The sharp, hurtful words he had said to Sua back before her round came back to mockingly haunt him then. He hadn't thought he would be doing the same thing she had, yet here he was. Dying for Till's sake, because he couldn't bear living without who might very well be his whole universe. A small, unreadable smile had formed on his face then, as he rapidly lost consciousness when the bullets lodged themselves in him, being rewarded with the sight of Till truly seeing him, just once, before he died. He was glad that was the last thing he saw.
Except, he was not dead. He could feel his heart thudding violently in his chest, that invaluable breath seizing up in his throat. And if he was alive, then that would mean Till- he- he-
It was a simple thing that suddenly halted his mind's terror-filled spiral in its tracks, the world around him seemingly going completely silent. A mere movement, a slight brush of hair against one of his hands- that he only noticed now was attached to several wires. It felt familiar, reassuring, like he knew he would easily know it even in his deepest sleep. His attention hyperfocused around that point immediately, every thought at a standstill, as he slowly moved his head to look to his side- it felt painful to do so, but naturally, he persisted.
His breath caught in his throat again.
Till.
He was here. With him. Safe. Alive. His cheek rested against Ivan's hand which had been tightly intertwined with Till's. Almost like Till was terrified to let go. But that wasn't possible, was it? Such strong emotions from Till had always been reserved for Mizi. Why would Till be afraid for him? Ivan watched, eyes unwaveringly fixated and filled with a startling intensity, as a stray strand of grey hair on the other's nose floated up a bit every other moment, proof of the other's continued breath. And now, at this sight, so unexplainable and unexpected but more than welcome, it was overwhelming relief that slammed into him like a tidal wave, drowning out everything else. If anyone were to walk into the room right now, they'd see it all plastered on his face freely, so unlike how he normally presented himself to the world. None of that practiced demeanor and controlled facade. Just… Relief.
Till's face was turned towards Ivan's, and he seemed to have fallen asleep like that, sitting on the chair beside his bed and hunching over to use Ivan's hand like a pillow. He didn't mind. He would never mind, even if his hand felt a little numb now. That was absolutely nothing compared to the lengths Ivan was willing to go for him. Had gone for him. It had to be uncomfortable, though, to have been in that awful posture for God knows how long, but Till still looked peaceful, resting like this, even if his dark circles looked worse and his brows were furrowed, lips slightly pursed. Till had always been an insomniac, and the sleep he did get was often plagued by nightmares. Ivan would remember, he always did his best to be there with him then. So, it had been years since he had seen such an unguarded expression on the other's face, and Ivan greedily drank up the sight before the other woke up and wiped it away to replace it with his normal brash behavior and signature scowl.
Was Till here for him, though?
He had to have been, right? Sparing a cursory glance at the room around, he was its sole occupant, so it couldn't be anyone else.
Till was sitting beside him. Waiting for him.
The thought made him feel warmth and a multitude of other inexplicable emotions. This was- so much more than anything he'd ever dared to hope to receive from the other. He could scarcely believe this was real. Perhaps it wasn't. Perhaps he had truly died, and he was just imagining this in the afterlife. Hesitantly, he brushed Till's wayward bangs out of his face with his other hand, ignoring the protest of the wires it was strapped up to. It felt real. Dreams felt real in the moment too, though, didn't they?
His action woke Till up, he realised with a pang of regret. The other startled awake to stare at him with wide, shocked eyes, hurriedly blinking the sleep out of them. He seemed to instinctively tighten his vice-like grip on Ivan's hand as he sucked in a sharp breath, staring at Ivan like he was a ghost that would disappear at any moment. The sheer amount of emotions in Till's eyes left him unable to breathe with the way they pinned him in place. He wasn't used to having such... intense emotions from the other directed towards him. For him.
Till looked him straight in the eyes, his own shaking, as he whispered, "You're.. awake?"
And oh, being caught in his stare like that, finally being truly seen by the one person he so desperately longed for, it was a bit terrifying, like having the floor pulled from under his feet. He wanted it to never end, to immortalise this moment for all time. Only one thought filled Ivan's head like a breath of fresh air, of relief.
'You're finally looking at me, Till.’