Chapter Text
“Ugh, cut!” SMG4 exclaimed, pausing the camera and slapping a hand to his forehead in frustration.
In front of him was his supposed ‘friend’ Mario. The Italian man sat on the grass, looking stupid (as always). The two had been out all day filming for SMG4’s newest video. The sky had long turned dark, their scene only illuminated by moonlight.
“Mario, you’re doing the scene wrong,” Four complained. “You gotta flail around, clip through the floor, or whatever it is you do. Not sit there.” Mario looked at his friend, exhausted.
“But SMG-fooooour,” he groaned. “I’m-a tiiired! We’ve been out here all day…can’t Mario go home?” He stared at SMG4 with clasped hands, practically begging to be free to go. The blue meme guardian simply stood there, fatigued from the long day.
“No,” SMG4 adjusted the tripod that held his camera. “C’mon, Mario, I really need this video finished. Just do the scenes correctly and we’ll end sooner!”
“Pleeeeeease..?” Mario dragged on. He inched towards SMG4, his pupils enlarging like that of a sad dog. He continued moving closer and begging until he was about a foot away from Four. Annoyed, Four pushed Mario away, shutting him up and causing him to land on the ground a few inches away.
“Jeez!! Ok, ok, we’ll call it quits,” he checked his watch. 9:26. “Let me pack up and we’ll drive back to the castle.” The meme guardian paced towards his tripod and swiftly picked it up. From the grass rose Mario, excited that his begging actually worked. He skipped towards SMG4’s car, which was parked a few yards away in the grass. The filming spot was a relatively large field on the side of a rural road. About 20 minutes from the showgrounds, SMG4 found it to be a perfect location. Just add a few green screen effects and it’s a killer video! As Mario happily skipped away, not bothering to help his friend, Four began his short walk to the car.
It was actually a beautiful night. Four glanced up at the sky as his shoes hit the cool grass. The moon was in a gibbous phase, illuminating the empty field. The sky was clear of any clouds, allowing all the hundreds of stars to shine. I should really stargaze more, SMG4 thought. The sky looks gorgeous.
When SMG4 reached the car, Mario had already hopped inside. He was in the driver's seat, for…some reason. But before he yelled at Mario, SMG4 needed to make sure the camera was properly put away. He opened the back door where the case lay on the car’s back seat. Carefully, the meme guardian took the tripod apart, accompanied by his friend humming a tune up front.
Once everything was put in its right place, SMG4 took off his hat and placed it with the tripod case. He ruffled his hair. As much as he enjoyed wearing his hat, it could be a bit tight around his head at times. Besides, it would be easier to drive home without an obnoxious squeezing around his head. Four slammed the car door back and stepped back, exhaling. He started to walk around the back of the car to take back his driver's seat when the engine roared to life.
“Whoa, what the hell?!” SMG4 frantically scrambled to the drivers side to see Mario sitting inside. The key was in the ignition. THE KEY IS IN THE IGNITION?? Did I leave my keys in the car?! He tried pulling on the handle—locked.
“MARIO!” He yelled, banging on the door. “Open the damn door right now or you’re DEAD!” The man in the car only turned to the window, smiling and waving. “MARIO!!”
“I gotta get home, SMG4,” he exclaimed through the window. “Just use your own car.”
“This IS, my car, idiot!” Four began yanking on the door handle, hoping that it would fly open by chance. As he grabbed the handle, the car began to drive forwards. Instinctively, SMG4 let go, causing him to roll onto the grass. He rose to his feet as the car swerved towards the road. “MARIO!!”
SMG4 began sprinting after the car. His shoes hit the asphalt of the road with a THWACK, and he ran after his vehicle like a madman. In his ears, the night wind howled. He continued running and running, hoping to catch up, but to no avail. He wasn’t sure how far he had travelled when he needed to stop. Four felt as if his heart was going to thud its way out of his chest. Defeated, he watched the car drive further away until the headlights weren’t visible anymore. With a huff, he stumbled over to the side of the road and laid down in the grass. Once more, the meme guardian found himself staring at the stars. This time, however, he was exhausted and gasping for air. He laid down for what felt like a half hour before slowly rising once more. Still steadily breathing, he rose to his feet, swaying only a little bit.
Well…what now? SMG4 shifted to a more comfortable standing position. He slapped his right pants pocket and felt the rectangular outline of his phone. Oh, thank God it’s still here. Maybe I can call someone to pick me up? He pulled it out and the screen lit up. A group picture of him and his friends was set as the lock screen. His eyes drifted to the top right corner of the screen. The white battery symbol was nearly empty. He groaned and swiped from the corner to see the full battery level. 5%. Even worse? No service. Four sighed and put the phone back in his pocket. I suppose taking a walk wouldn’t hurt. I can hitchhike if I really need to.
So, he began to walk along the road, ensuring he remained in the grass. The walk was actually quite nice. Four didn’t spend an extreme amount outside, and always forgot how gorgeous it was. There were crickets softly chirping all around. Near an upcoming treeline, he spotted a rabbit hop away. No one was around—something he was not used to. While SMG4 loved his friends more than anything, he appreciated alone time just as much. Alone time he rarely got, however, because of the constant chaos that occurred around his friend group (aka Mario). He took in a deep breath and continued walking down the rural road.
It wasn’t until roughly ten minutes later that SMG4 spotted lights down the road. It was the only sign of life he’d seen all evening. Once he got closer, he recognized the building as one he and Mario passed earlier. It was a medium-sized building, looking cozy and quaint. Behind it was a parking lot packed with what looked like forty or so cars. The lights mostly came from inside, where Four spotted silhouettes of many people inside. Their body language indicated they were having a good time. The chatter and laughter of the building’s guests could be heard from outside where SMG4 stood. The entrance to the property was led up to by a wooden deck, housing a few tables and chairs that were all empty at the moment. On top of the deck were two clear doors leading to the building’s inside. He averted his eyes to above the doors where a sign rested. “PEGASUS” was written in a bold dark magenta font. From the looks of people inside, SMG4 assumed it was a bar. He could certainly use a drink right now, or at least some food. He trudged towards the entrance, up the wooden stairs, and pushed open the doors.
Upon entering, the chatter and laughter increased in volume, becoming one energetic buzz of noise. It was almost comforting in some weird way. The interior was much more alive than the exterior. Decorations, posters, and loads of odds and ends lined the walls and ceiling. A pegasus pinata caught his eye, hanging from one of the overhead lights. A few flags were strewn about as well, such as a pride flag and the Mushroom Kingdom’s flag. It was stimulating, but not to the point he became overwhelmed. The inside felt larger than it looked. To the left side of the expansive room was a multitude of tables. Groups of people sat together, cackling and nudging each other as they drank, ate, and had a good time. To the right was where the bar was. It was relatively large, the stools encasing it in a semi circle. Despite the busy atmosphere, there were still a few empty bar seats. He also spotted what looked like a medium-sized stage directly across from where he was standing. It was a raised platform lined with white lace at the bottom, and a light pink curtain covered the wall behind it.
“Hello! Can I help you?” came a soft voice, bringing Four back to reality. In front of him was a small table. On top of it was a small jar of little knicknacks—a handheld pride flag (they must be really supportive), confetti, a tiny unicorn figurine—along with menus, utensils, and various other papers. Behind the table was a sweet looking man wearing an apron around his waist and a t-shirt with what SMG4 assumed to be the bar’s logo (a pink pegasus). A name tag read “Aspen – he/him”. Aspen had short brown hair with subtle green highlights.
“Can I help you?” he repeated, a slightly concerned edge to his voice. SMG4 realized he had been staring. Embarrassed, he replied, “Uh. Yeah, sure. Can I just…get a bar seat?” Aspen’s expression softened, his eyes crinkling with a smile.
“Of course! Just sit wherever you’d like. Our bartender will be with you shortly. The meme guardian nodded politely in return. He turned a little sharply from the table and headed to the bar. There were three empty seats in a row. Four sat in the one directly in the middle. He sighed, still exhausted. It felt good to sit down, especially on such a comfortable chair. He observed the bar, being up closer. The top of the bar as well as the wall behind it was decorated with street signs, band posters, fairy lights, and stickers. On the wall were two large chalkboards displaying the beverages provided. Two bartenders buzzed around behind the counter, filling drinks for the many individuals sitting at the bar near him. They were busy at the moment, pouring Bud Light into a clear cup with the bar’s logo plastered on it. SMG4 rested a hand on his head, patiently waiting for a bartender to come up to him. It didn’t take long for an inkling girl with long, navy tentacles to face him. Her nametag read, “Jessica – she/they”. They greeted the white-overalled man with a smile.
“Hey there, love,” she began, folding her hands in front of her. Four was a bit taken aback by the pet name. He had never really met anyone who called everyone love, or sweetie, or dear. It was sort of nice to be called something so nice, though. “Can I get you anything?” they continued. SMG4 averted his eyes from the inkling and looked at the chalkboard. A hum escaped his mouth as he decided what he’d like. Something strong, but not tasting like pure alcohol.
“I’ll have a whiskey highball, thanks,” he replied, returning a small smile.
“ID?” Jessica asked.
“Oh—right,” SMG4 stuttered. He kept his ID in the back of his phone case. He quickly pulled it out of his pocket and opened up the blue case. Inside, the card’s mini picture of him stared back up. Four slid the ID across the table where Jessica grabbed it to inspect it. Satisfied, she slid it back to him. The bartender nodded and began to walk away, not after calling out, “It’ll be just a minute!” The man nodded slightly in reply and put the ID back in his phone case. His phone returned to his pocket. He shifted his position to face the rest of the tables. Despite being tired, Four still enjoyed people-watching. Scanning the faces of the people in the room, he didn’t seem to recognize anyone. There was such a variety of guests. Some humans, some animals, toads, and other species he’d seen around the kingdom. It seemed to be a very inclusive environment. A few waiters weaved their ways between the tables, delivering more drinks and food that smelled delicious.
“One whiskey highball!”
SMG4 whipped around and saw Jessica placing his drink down. It was in a tall clear glass. His drink was light yellow and bubbly, and a lemon slice decorated the top. With his gloved hands, he slid the beverage closer.
“Thanks,” he said, already taking his first sip.
“No problem, hon,” Jessica replied. “Just let me know if you need anything else.” SMG4, just finishing his first sip, flashed her a thumbs up. She walked away once more, off to assist another customer. Four took another sip. He could taste the ginger ale, the bubbles dancing in his mouth. He could also taste the whiskey. It didn’t taste horrendous, so he found himself satisfied. The beverage swished around as he drank, ice clinking against the glass.
Within nearly ten minutes, he had entirely downed the first drink. The alcohol was already kicking in. He pressed two fingers to his temple, feeling a tad dizzy. He noticed the inkling bartender walking near him and flagged her down. Jessica quickly hurried to be directly in front of Four.
“Can I get another, uh…highball?” he asked, shaking around the empty glass. The inkling’s bright expression faltered for a split second before nodding. “Of course,” she replied, taking the empty glass. They walked away once more and SMG4 returned to face the crowd. Nothing drastic had changed. The same groups of customers and patrons were still having fun together at the tables. It almost made Four feel a little lonely. He wished he had someone here with him. Maybe then he wouldn’t feel as exhausted. He zoned out for a minute before the clink of a glass hitting the bar brought him back to reality. Four turned and to see Jessica, who had brought his second highball down. He flashed her a smile before drinking once more.
Just after he took his first sip, the lights in the bar began to dim. What…? Four turned around in his chair and noticed the only area in the building that wasn’t dimly lit was the stage, where the glow of a spotlight shone down. The loud chatter suddenly quieted down to a hushed, excited whisper. Just then, a…fork walked on stage. He was adorned in a sleek suit with a tiny pair of glasses and a mustache. In his hand was a microphone. SMG4 squinted for a moment before recalling that he had seen this guy before. Oh, yeahhh…that’s Jeeves. He’s a side character, I think. Jeeves held the microphone up to his mouth and smiled out at the bar attendees.
“Hello, hello, everyone!” he exclaimed. “I sure hope you’re all having a wonderful night.” A few cheers came from the crowd. The fork chuckled. “I also hope you’re all prepared for tonight's performance!” Loud hollers of excitement echoed through the room. Amongst the buzzing excitement, SMG4 sat there, confused. Performance? What performance? He thought as he picked up his drink.
“So would you please give a warm welcome to…” Jeeves paused for dramatic effect and slid off the stage. He outstretched his free hand and directed it towards the curtain. “...our Mushroom Kingdom Queens!” Eruptive applause and thrilled whistles sounded throughout the bar. The blue meme guardian, still somewhat confused, nodded along and continued to drink. As soon as the applause began to die down, about eight women in elegant dresses and large wigs emerged from the curtains, causing the cheering to pick up again. They posed, blew kisses, waved, and smiled at the supportive crowd. All the women wore different dresses—some multicolored, some feathered, some sleek and long, others fuzzy and short. Most of them had bold and bright hair colors and even bolder makeup; large lips, mascara, and neon eyeliner. It was a sight SMG4 had never seen before. He almost gawked, seeing how gorgeous each was. All of them looked different from one another, yet they each held their own kind of beauty. As he scanned the faces of the ladies, he noticed that one of them had facial hair. Interesting, he thought, drinking more of his whiskey. I’ve never seen a lady with facial hair in real life before. Just movies.
All eight women found a place to stand onstage, smiling out at the audience. They stood next to each other, giggling amongst themselves, until Jeeves shuffled in front of them and handed the microphone to the girl in the middle. She had large blond hair and pink accessories all around. She wore a sparkly mermaid dress that was a gradient of white and pink. As she grabbed the microphone, the volume in the room died down again.
“Thank you, thanks, folks!” she boomed. Her eyes crinkled from smiling. “It’s so good to see a large group of people out here. I notice some familiar faces here tonight…” she paused and pointed at someone in the audience, winking. Whoever she pointed at cheered. “Alright! Well, uh…that’s really all from me. Just a big thank you. I know it sounds cheesy, but I—we’re all so grateful to see people come to our shows. Give yourselves a round of applause, audience!” The crowd erupted once more, silencing themselves after a few seconds. This time, SMG4 clapped along, having set his drink down prior.
“Well, I think I’ve talked enough,” the woman continued, receiving a chuckle from the bar. “I believe my good friends Anna and Christina should be starting us off.” She passed the microphone to the right, where there stood a woman in what looked like a blue leotard, feathers lining the sleeves and hip area. She wore large black gogo boots and lacey gloves, as well as white hair reminding SMG4 of Rosalina. The woman also had a somewhat thick mustache. She took the microphone and all the ladies (except one) began filing off the stage.
“HEY LOSERS!” she exclaimed. Her voice was deep and almost robotic. SMG4 could’ve sworn he’d heard it before. “I’m Anna and this is my bestie Christina,” she continued, pointing to the other girl on stage. She wore a simple light blue dress, dangly pearl earrings, heels, and had wavy brown hair. She additionally had a scar stretching over her left eye. Christina seemed more uncomfortable being onstage than her spunky counterpart.
“We’ll be dancing or whatever…yeah that’s it,” Anna hastily explained. She swiftly threw the microphone away from the stage. SMG4 watched from the bar as another woman dived towards the ground and caught it, glaring at Anna’s recklessness. Four couldn’t help but chuckle. He reached for his drink again—he was almost halfway done—as the ladies on stage walked to what seemed like choreographed positions. Christina looked exhausted, and the meme guardian couldn’t help but get the impression that whatever would happen next was all Anna’s idea.
All of a sudden, upbeat music began to play over the speakers. It sounded like some upbeat synth-pop from the 80s or 90s. A few people had already begun to laugh. Anna and Christina began dancing and moving around the stage. At least, SMG4 could tell it was supposed to be dancing. Anna seemed to put her all into the weird choreo while her partner did the bare minimum, clearly exhausted. Four had to set his beverage down, trying not to laugh. He hadn’t recognized the song blaring in the background until the chorus came on.
Boom, boom, boom, boom!
I want you in my room!
More laughter erupted as the two on stage engaged in a wacky-looking dance, spinning each other around, and other shenanigans. The entire bar loved it. People cheered, clapped, and hollered as the women continued their routine. SMG4 giggled and took another swig of his drink. He only sipped for a few seconds before he was met with nothing but cold ice. Ah, crap, he thought, turning back to the bar. I’m out already. He spun his chair back to the bar and searched for any bar tenders. The only two behind the bar were at the opposite side he was on, both watching the current “performance”. Four groaned. He didn’t want to be obnoxious by yelling at the two, so he instead leaned over the bar and frantically waved his arm over the bar, earning some odd looks from the people near him.
He stretched a little further forward, still waving his hand. Finally, the other bartender (a girl with blonde hair in a ponytail and lots of hairclips) noticed Four. She glanced at him, looking almost concerned, and nudged Jessica. The inkling turned to see the meme guardian, who had since lowered his hand. A small sigh escaped her lips and she walked over to Four. Once she was in front of him, she regained her composure.
“Yes, love?” she asked. SMG4 stayed silent for a moment, almost forgetting what to say. Jessica stood patiently waiting for a response, glancing to the side and back at the man in an almost concerned fashion.
“Can I get another drink?” he finally asked.
“Why, of course,” she replied. “Another highball?”
“Actually, nnno…” SMG4 glanced back at the menu. He put a hand to his chin. “D’you have any recommendations?” He directed his attention back to the bartender. They looked almost surprised for a moment before answering, “I quite like the martinis here!” SMG4 nodded and looked over the menu once more.
“I’ll have a dry martini,” he requested. Jessica nodded and walked away again. Once more, SMG4 shifted his attention back to the stage. The show was still going on. Christina was currently holding on to Anna Titanic-style, earning much praise from the patrons.
It wasn’t long until the music faded out and the two ladies stood in their end pose – arms crossed with their backs to each other. The bar exploded with applause once more. Anna seemed to soak in every cheer she got. Her partner, on the other hand, just looked relieved it was over. She walked off stage to join the other women in the corner, leaving Anna by herself. She bowed over and over, acting as if she had received some great award.
“Thank you, THANK YOU!” she yelled, taking one more large bow before skipping offstage. The stage remained empty for a few seconds before the woman with the pink dress came back onstage with her microphone.
“Alright, give it up for Christina and Annaaaa!” she exclaimed, encouraging the bar to cheer again. SMG4 couldn’t help but roar with them. “Next we’ve got my girl Kiki Chrome!” The woman extended her arms to show off whoever would come onstage next. A few people clapped again, probably having seen this ‘Kiki’ before. The audience eventually died down, leaving the pink-dress girl to stand there, arms still outstretched. She looked around in awkward silence. No one else came on stage. Another ‘Queen’ from offstage came up and murmured something to pink-dress. She nodded in reply and silently put her hands down. Meanwhile, SMG4 heard a clink behind him. His drink was here. He swiftly grabbed it, nodding gratefully at Jessica.
“Well, uh,” she stuttered into the mic. “I’ve been informed Kiki isn’t here at the moment. So I suppose we’ll be moving on to—”
“WAIT!” yelled a voice from somewhere outside the room, but very close. “HOLD ON, hold on, I’m here!” SMG4 and many other attendants of the bar watched in slight confusion as another woman in a sparkly dress ran from out behind the curtain. She looked out-of-breath, but still was pretty. Very pretty. SMG4 felt his face heating up.
The lady—whom he assumed was Kiki—had long, luscious black hair with purple highlights. She, too, had a beard, likely another genetic condition of sorts. Her dress was purple and glittery, reaching down to her white heels. A slit in the dress ran up to her thigh, revealing quite a bit of leg hair. The top of her dress was aligned with fur, a lighter shade of purple. Additionally, Kiki was adorned with shiny silver gloves reaching her elbows, large pearl earrings, and bold eyeshadow. And her eyes. Oh, her eyes. They were a mesmerizing silver noticeable even from where SMG4 sat. He found them captivating.
Kiki outstretched her hand, taking the mic from pink-dress. She weakly smiled and gripped the microphone. Pink-dress giggled and walked off-stage as one of the servers came over to plop a mic stand in front of Kiki. She silently thanked them and clipped in the mic, adjusting it to her height. SMG4 drank his martini, still keeping his eyes on Kiki. She was truly stunning when it came to looks. The meme guardian had never really felt this way towards anyone. The way his cheeks lit up made him embarrassed. He wished it would stop.
“Hey, all,” Kiki began. SMG4 noticed her voice was higher than before. “I assume my girls have already talked your ear off, so let’s spare the chit-chat.” The crowd chuckled a little bit. Four sipped his drink as another track began to play. He actually recognized this one; it was a Chappell Roan song. Red Wine Supernova, right? He assumed many others in the bar recognized it too, as many excited gasps echoed throughout the area.
“She was a playboy, Brigitte Bardot. She showed me things I didn't know~”
The meme guardian felt his chest grow tighter as Kiki sang. She was good (better than him, at least). Her vocals were smooth, almost matching the original song, only at a lower pitch. Others in the bar softly sang along, additionally shouting the lyrics of “put her canine teeth in the side of my neck”. SMG4 didn’t sing along. He sat back and enjoyed the show being put on by the bar-goers, but especially Kiki. Something about her made it so SMG4 couldn’t avert his eyes. She was practically shining on stage, pouring her heart into the song. You could tell she adored what she was doing, and was talented too. Then there was the chorus.
“Baaaaby, why don't you come over~”
SMG4 nearly forgot to breathe. Her vocals were incredible. She was singing so passionately yet calm at the same time. He set his drink on the counter in order to fully focus on the performance in front of him.
Before he knew it, the song ended, yet Four could still hear Kiki’s voice ringing throughout the bar. As the last note was sung, she looked out at the audience. Everyone cheered. A few whistled. SMG4 stood up from his chair and started clapping, smiling out at the girl in the yellow dress. SMG4 continued clapping, and decided to yell, “WOO-HOO!” out to the stage. Kiki must have heard him, as she turned to face his general direction, a smile still plastered on her face.
Then they locked eyes.
It was only for a second or two, but it was electrifying.
SMG4 felt something he had never before, deep inside his chest, worming its way out of his heart. Silver and blue and blue and silver gazed at each other. He felt as if he could fly.
But then Kiki’s expression changed. It was somewhat fearful, a twinge of what looked like recognition in her face. She quickly turned away, face turning red. Four watched as she shuffled off the stage to join her friends, silently and quickly thanking her audience. It felt like his face was going to melt off. Nothing felt real. He dizzily turned his chair around and drank more of his martini.
When he had turned towards the bar, someone else stepped on stage and began to speak. Yet Four couldn’t understand a word being said. The world sounded like it was underwater. What is happening to me?
***
All the ladies had performed—and quite well, in SMG4’s opinion. They were all talented, yet still, Kiki’s performance stood out to him. He certainly hoped he wasn’t thinking creepy thoughts. He just genuinely thought she was pretty. Throughout the other performances, he attempted to catch her eyes once more. However, she was covered by the other women and remained out of sight.
During the other shows, Four had grabbed two other drinks. Unfortunately for him, Jessica cut him off after the fourth one, but he was able to get the other bartender (Vee) to get him another drink. The alcohol was definitely setting in. His vision was slightly blurring, and he felt overall lightheaded. Not to mention his cheeks continued to feel flushed.
At the end of the show, all nine performers came back on the stage, followed by Jeeves in the middle. Kiki still averted eye contact, twiddling her thumbs and looking more awkward than before. Jeeves held a microphone in his hand once more.
“Thank you all again for coming out here tonight,” he cheered. “It’s an honor to have such an amazing group of people here at the Pegasus and I’m so grateful for all of them. So let’s give it up one last time for the Mushroom Kingdom Queens, everyone!” The room erupted in cheers for one last time. All the girls gave their thanks in some special way; waving, blowing kisses, etcetera.
With that, all the performers (and Jeeves) disbanded. The lights in the bar returned to normal, and SMG4 had to squint his eyes to adjust to the light. One by one, the ladies filed offstage. The conversations and atmosphere in the bar returned to normal. A few of the Queens walked near tables, joining friends and strangers alike. The blue meme guardian turned back to the bar. He had a killer headache and felt as if he might faint. Yet he had fun that night, so he thought it was fine. And anyways, his condition would definitely improve in the morning. He glanced at his empty glass that sat on the table. Since he had been cut off from any more drinks and the ladies finished their show, he had no reason to stay. He waved over Jessica who stood a few feet from him.
“...yes, dear?” they asked, wary that he might try ordering another beverage.
"Can I getta check, please?” he asked, words slurring slightly. The inkling’s nervous expression faded away as she responded, “Of course! Just a minute.” She stepped to the side for a minute, near what looked like some machine that would print receipts. They made a satisfied hum and directed their attention back to SMG4.
“$75.80, dear,” she smiled. Four nodded and reached a gloved hand into his pocket. There was…nothing in it..? He felt the color drain from his face and frantically patted down all his pockets. Empty, empty, empty.
Damn it.
“So, uh…” he nervously giggled, though nothing was funny. “I may have, uh…forgot my wallet? And my car is like…who knows where..?” He chuckled again, knowing he was in deep trouble. The inkling’s kind expression faltered. She shifted uncomfortably.
“Oh,” she muttered. “I see.” They briefly sighed and came closer to the bar, getting more serious than Four had seen her all night.
“Listen, um…I don’t want to do this, but if you can’t pay in some form, we’ll have to confiscate your phone and potentially take legal action,” she sighed, probably exhausted from dealing with him all night. “That’s not fun for me, and it’s certainly not fun for you…are you sure you don’t have PayPal or something?” SMG4 shook his head and groaned. Stupid, STUPID!
“Ah,” Jessica continued, sighing again. “Well then. I’m sorry, hon, but we’ll need either your phone or ID until you can pay us back.”
“B-but I don’t have a ride home!” SMG4 retorted. “I need to like…call someone to pick me up.” Jessica nearly glared at him, exasperated.
“We can call you a ride. Don’t stress about that. We just need your phone or ID.”
SMG4 could feel his face heat up with embarrassment and shame. It was too late for this. He was too drunk for this. Reluctantly, he began to pull his phone out of his pocket.
“Jessica, hold on,” came a voice from behind him. That voice. SMG4 turned around, still holding his phone, and spotted Kiki Chrome. She stood with her left hand on her hip, still refusing to glance at Four. A gray sweatshirt covered her dress. She looked a little tired, pursing her lips. “I’ll pay for his drinks.” Surprised, SMG4 turned his head to see Jessica. She seemed just as taken aback as he was.
“Th—er, Kiki. Are you…sure?” they began. SMG4 moved his head back to Kiki as if he was watching a tennis match. She nodded in response.
“Yeah. Yeah, don’t worry, Jess,” she outstretched her right arm, holding a blue credit card. Hesitantly, Jessica grabbed the card, glancing at Kiki once more with a look that read are you sure? The three remained silent as Jessica swiped the card onto the machine and handed it back to Kiki. She whispered a thank you. For the first time since her performance, she glanced at SMG4. He could’ve sworn her face turned redder.
“Come on, dumbass,” she muttered. “Let’s get you home.” For a moment, SMG4 didn't understand. But he didn’t really need to. The entire world around him felt weird like he was in a dream. He stood up too fast, almost stumbling over. Kiki groaned and linked her arm around his, directing him to the building’s front door.
The two exited the building without another word to each other. Crickets softly chirping was the only sound accompanying the two walking down the porch and across the asphalt. After a minute they reached a black car. Momentarily, Kiki unlinked her arms and reached into the sweatshirt pocket, pulling out her keys. With the click of a button, the car was unlocked. She lightly pushed Four in front of her.
“In the passenger seat,” she commanded. Four almost rolled his eyes, but remembered he would’ve probably been in legal trouble without her help. He complied and stumbled over to the opposite side of the car. As soon as he opened the door, he practically fell into the carseat and slumped down, closing the door. It was quite comfy. Nothing fancy like leather or anything, but it didn’t hurt to sit on, and that’s what really mattered. He strapped himself in and leaned his body against the door. To the left of him, Kiki was buckling her seatbelt. She put the key in the ignition and the vehicle roared to life. The car backed out of the lot and began driving down the vacant road, the inside remaining quiet. SMG4 awkwardly cleared his throat.
“Thanks, by the way,” he stuttered. “For paying for my drinks. And driving me home.”
“Yeah, it’s no biggie,” Kiki replied, eyes still on the road and hands on the wheel. SMG4 momentarily looked out the window, fiddling with his hands. It was quite odd to be in the car with someone he had admired across the room a half hour ago.
“You’re, uh. Very pretty,” he blurted. Instant regret filled up in his mind. His chest felt weird. Why in the world would you say something like that?! He heard an acknowledging hum from Kiki’s direction. He was too embarrassed to look at her.
“...thanks,” he heard her reluctantly respond. He nodded – he didn’t know why.
The next few minutes were filled with awkward silence. SMG4 didn’t know how long they just sat there, but it felt like forever. Out of nowhere, he heard Kiki about to say something.
“So what’s a guy like you doing at a gay bar?” she asked. The meme guardian whipped around, a mix of surprise and confusion on his face.
“That was a gay bar?!” he exclaimed. Kiki glanced over, looking just as surprised as him.
“You didn’t know?” she cried, focusing back on the road. “Did you not see the decor? The multiple pride flags? Pronoun pins on everyone?” SMG4 slightly shrunk back, feeling stupid.
“I dunno, I guess I thought they were really supportive??” he defended himself. Kiki sighed, but it was followed by a quiet chuckle. A daunting realization hit Four. “Hey, wait, you’re not lesbian, are you?” he asked. Upon hearing how homophobic that sounded, he frantically added, “N-not that I have a problem with it! I’m just wondering, y’know, I’m likeee bisexual myself, so I just—”
“Hey, HEY!” Kiki raised her voice. The car had come to a stop at an empty traffic light. She shifted her body towards SMG4, causing him to quit his rambling. A hint of concern flashed in her eyes. “Calm down. And, uh, no. I’m…I’m not a lesbian.” She kept eye contact with him for another second before facing the road again. Four swallowed, face still red with embarrassment. He leaned against the window again, trying to make himself feel comfortable again.
“Ah. Good,” he muttered, unsure if Kiki heard, though she shifted in her seat. SMG4 closed his eyes. He was more tired than he realized. The car softly jolted forward again and drove for a little longer. The rest of the drive was quiet.
***
Eventually, the car pulled down the road to SMG4’s castle. He opened his eyes slightly, noticing the familiar surroundings. He stirred a bit and rubbed his temples, head still pounding. The vehicle only jolted slightly as they entered the gravel path to the Showgrounds. Kiki parked right in front of his massive castle, putting the car in park. She gave a small smile to SMG4 as he sat up.
“Thanks for all this,” he began, words still slurring from the alcohol and sleepiness. “Also sorry if I weirded you out or something? I just think you’re pretty. I’ve never talked to such a pretty girl before.” An unreadable expression dawned on Kiki’s face before she quickly returned to a smile. She chuckled and muttered something under her breath that Four couldn’t hear. Four began to unstrap when the realization hit. They were at his house.
“How d’you know where I live..?” He gave Kiki a concerned look. Her face became a little pale. She glanced at the steering wheel and stuttered for a moment.
“I, uh…I know you from your YouTube channel,” she started. Kiki looked back up at SMG4, forcing yet another grin. “It’s nothing parasocial, I swear. I just, uh…happen to drive by the Showgrounds often and it’s such a noticeable building.” Four slowly nodded.
“Makes sense,” he muttered in reply. He began to unstrap his seatbelt but once again turned to face Kiki in all her glory. “Seriously, thanks. You, uh…” He contemplated whether the next move was worth it or not. “...can I, like, get your number?” SMG4 shrunk into the corner a little. Kiki’s face flushed a light pink. She lightly pushed back a strand of hair near her ear and nervously chuckled.
“I actually forgot my phone at the bar, ha…” she explained. “Sorry. And, uh, no problem.” She fiddled with her thumbs and leaned in closer, elbow on the center console. This surprised Four, as Kiki had been seemingly avoiding getting too close to him for some time. Before he could register what happened next, Kiki leaned in closer and closer and kissed him on the cheek. Quickly, she pulled away, seeming almost frightened at her own actions. SMG4 remained frozen, attempting to comprehend what just happened. His face felt hot.
“Holy shit.”
Kiki giggled upon hearing his reaction, having somewhat regained her cool.
“Alright,” she cleared her throat, still a tad flustered. “I’ve kept you long enough. Good night, stupid.” Four didn’t look at her. He nodded as he opened the car door, dazed.
“Uh. Yeah. Good night, Kiki.”
He stepped out of the car and began walking to the castle doors. Every step closer felt heavy, like he was trudging through quicksand. It wasn’t until he reached the set of doors that he turned back to the car. He met eyes with Kiki and flashed a weak smile before quickly whipping around. The wooden door was quickly opened and shut. SMG4 slumped against the door, needing a minute. He slowly raised a hand and grazed his left cheek where Kiki had suddenly kissed him. Why did she kiss me?? He stood lost in thought until he heard a car engine whir to life. Ah. She must be leaving. The meme guardian shook his head in an attempt to save the overthinking for later. He needed rest.
He silently shuffled across the dark castle’s floor so as to not wake up Bob and Melony. The room was only softly illuminated by moonlight shining in through the windows. It was completely silent except for the slight tapping of SMG4’s footsteps against the ground. Within no time he arrived at his room. He yawned as he opened the door. Once inside, he practically ran to his bed, nearly tripping and falling on his face in the process.
Flopping on his bed felt like seeing a childhood friend for the first time again. His mattress, usually quite uncomfortable, felt like the softest thing in the universe. The pillows practically enveloped his entire head. For a moment he considered grabbing a blanket, but he had already laid down and refused to move a muscle.
As SMG4 began to drift off, the only thing on his mind was the eventful night—especially Kiki. Thoughts of her swirled in his head. Her gorgeous singing. Her dazzling face. The sparkles of her dress. The offer to pay for his drinks and drive him home. Her sweet smile.
The way she had delicately kissed him.
SMG4 half-expected to wake up in the morning and learn that none of it was real. That he had gone home with Mario, passed out in his bed, and dreamed the entire thing. The Pegasus, Kiki, all of it. Whatever the case, he chose to hold on to the moments of that night.
He replayed them over and over again until he fell asleep, smiling still.