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Nancy Wheeler was good in a crisis. Excellent, even. As a natural born leader, she knew how to strategise, keep her calm and sort out roles according to people’s strengths. She’s always been stubborn and ambitious, not letting anything or anyone stop her once she set her eyes on a goal. However, like everything else, this had a backside too - namely how her fierce determination and tunnel vision on one problem sometimes prevented her from noticing other problems. And when the main problem was the end of the world, other issues more easily flew over her head. Even when it came to her friends and family.
It’s been six months since their town has been split in four. Six months since Chrissy, Fred, Patrick and Max died. Six months since Max fell into a coma. Six months since the Byers came back to Hawkins and moved in with the Wheelers. Six months since they found out Hopper was alive. Six months since she’s been avoiding the very much needed talk with Jonathan about their relationship. Oh, and almost six months since the military announced the town-wide quarantine, essentially trapping all of them here.
The class of 1986’s graduation came and went without much celebration. There was nothing to be particularly happy about when no one could leave for college or to simply start their lives outside of this shitty town. Nancy’s mom tried to be optimistic, telling her the quarantine might be lifted in time for her to not lose her spot at Emerson, and a tiny part of Nancy believed her. Well, more like she believed that Vecna would want to immediately continue his plan of world domination or whatever it was, they would prevent him from succeeding and things would go back to… normal, or as close to normal as life could ever be for them after everything.
The more logical part of her knew this was wishful thinking, though. They had injured him quite gravely, and he didn’t seem to be in a hurry at all, seeming as it’s already been years since Will’s disappearance, when this all started.
As the months went by and spring blossomed into summer, though a chillier one that they’d ever had, she was unfortunately proven right. By the time the first leaves started to fall, her frustration turned into something sharp, making her snap more often, and she wasn’t the only one.
If the situation was nerve-wrecking for those who knew about the Upside Down and Vecna – the real danger looming over them –, it seemed to be even worse for everyone else, who knew nothing for certain, but the forced enclosment, the military presence and the mass hysteria following the murders this spring was starting to make people lose their minds.
The “earthquake” left the citizens confused and scared, and the military’s arrival shortly after brought mixed reactions. While some people, like Nancy’s father, seemed relieved at the government’s involvement and so-called protection, others were against the orders that they needed to stay here after everything that went down. It didn’t help that the military was extremely vague with their explanations, their main message being for everyone to continue on like normal and don’t get in their way.
Covering up the cracks in the ground with big metal sheets had been the stupidest idea Nancy has ever heard, and she had heard a lot of those over the years since she was friends with Steve Harrington. At least it soothed parents’ nerves that their kids wouldn’t accidentally fall into it, but Nancy knew that did little to solve their problem. Hopper rolled his eyes so hard when he saw the soldiers working on it that they almost fell out of his head. Nancy instinctively turned to catch Jonathan’s gaze while she tried to hide a smile, and for a moment it felt like old times. Then they both awkwardly turned away, and she was reminded that things weren’t the same after all.
Not like that was easy to forget. Hawkins was slowly, but surely turning into some bad apocalypse movie: people going to church every day, trying to pray away the evil they were sure still walked among them (they weren’t entirely wrong about this), turning on their neighbors if they thought they did something suspicious, still organizing manhunts for Eddie (though these became less frequent and less loud over the months after the military roughed up the participants multiple times for disrupting order and public morale).
It wasn’t even just adults, but kids, too, and that made Nancy grateful for finishing high school. Those last few months were bad. Nancy understood that bone-deep fear of the unknown intimately, but she could never get her head around the cruelty some teenagers exhibited and felt proud of themselves for it, even. She’s never been bullied quite like her brother had, but she had experienced it, most notably in her sophomore year when she was dating Steve. Even years later, thinking about the sign outside the cinema made her stomach boil and hands tighten into fists. No one deserved to be treated like that.
And yet, it was happening. All the time.
Nancy didn’t have a close bond with Mike, hadn't in years, and she could admit to herself that she wasn’t always the most attentive and caring older sister, but she wasn’t blind. She saw firsthand Mike being picked on in school this spring for being in Hellfire, for being associated with Eddie. She saw Mike clenching his hands and swallowing the retorts, much like she herself often did. Hopper told them early on that they needed to lay low because the military probably already had their eyes at the very least on the Byers and the Wheelers and they couldn’t afford them finding out the truth. Especially since they were hunting for El, putting up missing person posters all over town. Nancy had a growing suspicion that getting their superpowered friend might be their main objective here and they don’t actually give a shit if the town and its citizens survive what comes next.
It wasn’t a comforting idea.
Summer brought a new wave of chaos with it. With so many shops closed indefinitely, people not having jobs anymore and kids not having school and tests to study for, the conspiracy theories reached their high. Nancy had heard so many variations, from satanic cults to aliens, that she got tired of even rolling her eyes.
She spent the summer at the Squawk, helping the others finish redesigning the place as their headquarters, working out their delivery system with Murray, perfecting their plan for the crawls and then going through with them. She remembered how stressful the very first one was, how everyone held their breath the whole time, putting their full attention to the tasks at hand. They couldn’t mess up. They couldn’t get caught. They had to find the monster who ruined so many lives and they had to kill him, once and for all.
When there was nothing to do but wait, she still often found herself at the radio station, cleaning or checking their weapons to do something with her hands, or talking with Robin and Steve. Well, mostly Robin chatted away, Steve butting in with some remarks, and she stayed quiet, listening to their voices and trying to drown out the ones in her head. She didn’t technically work there, not like them, but it felt good to get out of the house. Jonathan used the space to smoke sometimes, since he obviously couldn’t do that in the Wheeler household, and Nancy found herself using it to drink. Not often; when everything felt just a little too much and just a little too hopeless. Robin accompanied her a few times, but she usually holed up in a room alone, going over everything that happened in the last fear years and wondering why it all went so wrong. What she could have done differently to change things. There was no use in dwelling on that, but forgive her if she didn’t find it in herself to be optimistic all the time when Vecna’s ominous vision and the military’s annoying presence hung over them for six months now, with no end in sight.
Occasionally she and Jonathan passed each other in a hallway and fell into each other’s arms, like magnets succumbing to a stronger force. Nancy hated the smell of weed on him, but Jonathan’s embrace always felt like home. Like her only anchor in this chaotic, dangerous world.
Deep down, she knew why she was postponing the talk about their issues, which became more and more obvious every day that passed: she didn’t want to lose him. She feared what would happen if they talked about the reason she didn’t go to California, about the letter she found. If they were finally honest with each other. She loved him and knew for certain she didn’t want to imagine her life without him. Even the thought that Jonathan didn’t feel the same anymore, that he wanted to give up and let them slowly grow apart, caused her heart to clench painfully.
So, she didn’t think about it. She told herself that they had bigger things to worry about, that they could think about the future and their relationship after Vecna was dead and rotting.
All in all, between the looming end of the world and her own issues, Nancy didn’t pay much attention to what went on in the Wheeler house and its residents' personal lives. Needless to say, she was not at all prepared for the situation she found herself in one late September morning.
The cold seeped in sooner this year, no doubt because of the Upside Down’s influence. Nancy buttoned up her jacket as she stepped out of the grocery store, adjusting her hold on her bag. Her mom mentioned yesterday wanting to go over to a friend’s house for a few hours and Nancy found herself reassuring her that she could take care of lunch, she could stay longer if she wanted to. Surprise sparked in her mom’s eyes, then she smiled warmly and thanked her. Nancy knew she needed out of the house, too, her dad’s emotional distance taking its toll on her. Nancy wasn’t a master chef by any means, but she could throw something together if she had to.
Jonathan left with Will to the Squawk and she assumed Mike went after them, too, being practically attached to Will’s side nowadays. Not that Nancy blamed him, after all his brother’s best friend was still connected to that monster and everyone worried what that might mean.
Holly had a sleepover last night, their mom would pick her up later, Joyce was probably at Hopper’s and her dad watching TV or sleeping didn’t really count as company, so she was going to have the house to herself. The thought was a little jarring, the prospect of the quiet and her thoughts bubbling to the surface making her uneasy. She was contemplating what record to put on while cooking, then maybe she could drive to the Squawk to practice her shooting for a few hours, when she heard the commotion.
See, loud noises, like shouting or arguing weren’t anything new these days. People had different ways of dealing with their stress, and this unfortunately became a common outlet. She would’ve continued on if she hadn’t heard her own last name.
Nancy stopped, her eyebrows furrowing. She had no idea what this could be about and she knew she shouldn’t draw attention to herself, but her curiosity and investigative nature got the better of her and she rounded the corner.
The first thing she noticed was the sign, which was displaying the title of the newest movie playing in their run-down theatre, except something was painted below it in ugly red. Some of it got smeared by the janitor’s rug, who was working on getting it off, but the message was still loud and clear.
Mike ‘the fag’ Wheeler
The second thing she noticed were some of the high school basketball players laughing and shoving each other as they turned into an adjacent alleyway.
The third thing she noticed was the familiar figure of a boy frozen in front of the cinema.
Time seemed to slow down as Nancy stared, her heart sinking to her stomach, before it quickly sped up again as Mike balled his hands into fists, pivoted on his heel and strode towards the alley.
Shit.
Nancy didn’t think, didn’t acknowledge the painful flashbacks from three years ago or the crowd on the street muttering and pointing to the sign. She ran after Mike, pushing through the people and running across the street, distantly aware of a car honking at her.
“-boyfriend? I don’t think you should leave him alone, Wheeler, he might start crying and whimpering without you,” one of the boys was saying as she got closer, making exaggerated whining sounds as he did so.
Mike’s knuckles were white, his nails most probably digging into his palms by now.
“Leave us alone, Andy, and go bother someone else with your bullshit,” Mike gritted out.
“Except it’s not bullshit, is it?” Andy’s eyes were blazing with hate and contempt so wildly that it made Nancy recoil a bit. “I’m not blind. I see you in school every day, together all the time, walking with barely any space between you. It’s disgusting,” he spat.
“That’s enough. Mike, we’re going,” she decided to interject, placing a hand on his shoulder and turning him around. Mike seemed bewildered at finding her there and she thought she saw panic flit through his eyes for a second. Then he clenched his jaw and nodded.
“Ahw, but he doesn’t wanna go, does he? We’re just getting started.”
Nancy didn’t deem that worthy of a response and she started back down the alley, Mike following beside her.
Unfortunately the jocks weren’t done.
“I just found out you live together, you know?” Andy shouted, stalking after them and shoving Mike in the back.
“Don’t pay attention to him,” she murmured to her brother.
“I wonder where he sleeps? You have a nice big house, but surely there’s not enough room for everyone,” Andy continued on, undeterred, shoving him again. Mike pushed his lips together into a tight line.
“On your floor, perhaps? Or do you share the bed?” he made a gagging sound, causing his two friends to cackle. If looks alone could kill, Andy would’ve dropped dead from the one Nancy shot back at him.
“Wait! I figured it out. He doesn’t get bed privileges for free, no– he gets to sleep there if he sucks your–” Andy didn’t get to finish his sentence this time because Mike suddenly turned around and punched him straight in the jaw.
Andy stumbled a little, before grinning manically and punching Mike right back.
It was obvious to anyone that Mike wasn’t going to win this fight, and he only had the power of surprise at the beginning because he soon found himself on the ground, failing miserably at any sort of counterattack, and just trying to shield his face. The other bullies cheered in the background, which only fueled Andy. He showed no sign of stopping.
Nancy might have been short and thin, but God help anyone who stood in her way when she was angry, and right now, she was boiling with rage. She grabbed Andy’s shoulders and shoved him back, hard. The boy didn’t expect it, and fell to the ground.
He was back up in a second, glaring daggers at Nancy who crouched at Mike’s side and glared right back.
“I’d leave in your place. I called the police, they’ll be here any minute now,” she said, her voice fierce, nothing to give away her bluff. She’s gotten good at lying over the years.
Andy wasn’t thinking straight, though.
“I don’t believe you, and even if I did, he started it,” he pointed to Mike. “It’s not my fault he can’t handle the truth and needs his big sister to save him.”
The other two jocks sneered mockingly at the comment. Mike pushed away from Nancy, cautiously standing up.
“Shut up,” he swayed on his feet a little, bruises already forming on his face and blood dripping down his chin from his split lip. Luckily it didn’t seem like anything got broken.
“Or what?” Andy shot back condescendingly. “You gonna ask your sister to fight me for you? It’s no surprise that a little faggot like you can’t throw a punch.”
“I said shut up,” Mike said but it came out weaker than before, almost a whisper. Nancy noticed that his hands were shaking slightly and his chest rose and fell quickly, like he couldn’t breathe properly.
“You do not want the police, or the military to find you here,” Nancy stated, forcing her voice to sound calm and assertive. “They’re already tired of dealing with you and it’s only a matter of time before you get something serious on your record if you keep this up.”
This seemed to sober him up a bit. She saw hesitation in his eyes and in the way his shoulders tensed. The other boys glanced nervously at each other, their bravery only going so far with the possibility of authority showing up dangling over their heads.
“You got lucky this time, Wheeler,” Andy spat out finally, giving her brother one last dirty look. Mike stayed quiet and Nancy was too focused on the jock to gauge his reaction.
“This isn’t over, though. Keep your eyes on your boyfriend,” the boy hissed before stalking away, his goons snorting and following after him.
She waited until they were out of sight before getting her first good look at Mike.
She froze.
Fighting against interdimensional monsters and evil wizards for years now, Nancy has seen her friends and family in various stages of distress and panic and fury. Even her brother, who became more and more emotionally distant as they grew up – which she noticed, but didn’t really care about, she realised now with a painful twist in her chest –, has been known for the occasional enraged rant or a face tight with worry. She has never seen him this scared, though.
Maybe scared wasn’t even the right word. Mike looked like a ghost: his pale complexion even whiter now, eyes distant and unseeing like he was mentally somewhere else, sweat collecting on his forehead, his whole body shaking even though it wasn’t that cold, breaths quickening with each passing second.
Nancy knew a panic attack when she saw one from experience, but that didn’t mean she was the best of help. She cursed under her breath.
“Okay, Mike, I’m here,” she said in a low and hopefully soothing enough tone, before dropping her bag to the ground. She gently took hold of his shoulders and guided him to sit down against the wall. Mike went easily, like his legs couldn’t keep him upright anymore. She guided one of his hands to rest on her heart, to feel the steady rhythm of it.
“We’re going to take some breaths together, okay? I’ll count. All you have to do is mimic me,” she demonstrated by taking a slow, deep breath. “In through the nose for one, two, three, four seconds. Hold for 4 seconds. Now out through the mouth for one, two, three, four, five, six seconds. You’re okay, Mike. You’re safe.”
She continued breathing, counting out loud slowly and surely, murmuring reassurances she wasn’t sure helped, but it didn’t hurt to try.
After a while, her brother’s breathing started to slow and match hers. Nancy cracked a half-smile, relieved.
“See? You’re doing well, Mike. It’s okay. You’re fine. There’s no immediate danger. You’re okay.”
She glanced side-ways at her discarded paper bag.
“Can you focus on that bag for me? Can you tell me its material?”
For a moment he didn’t move, but then slowly lifted his head to follow her gaze. He blinked once, twice before the haze lifted from his eyes and blinked once more before squinting a little at the bag.
“Paper,” he rasped out, voice shaking ever so slightly.
“Yeah, it is. That’s good, Mike. Welcome back,” Nancy smiled encouragingly at him. He met her gaze, still seeming a bit out of it.
“Can you stand?” she asked, letting go of his wrist and getting up. He nodded, but took her out stretched hand anyway and she hauled him up.
“Come on, car’s this way,” she lifted her bag and guided him out of the alley, purposefully turning the longer way back to the car so they wouldn’t have to go by the cinema. The sign might have already been cleaned off, but she wasn’t taking any chances. God knows it was enough for her to see her own name there once to deeply hurt her; she didn’t want Mike to have to experience that humiliation for one second longer.
Her brother was quiet as he slid into the passenger seat. Nancy put her bag in the back, then quickly started the motor and sped away from the curb.
The ride to the Wheeler house was short, filled with an uncomfortable silence. Mike’s eyes were on his fiddling fingers in his lap the whole time, not glancing out the window even once, while Nancy gripped the steering wheel tighter than she usually did. She felt incredibly out of her depth here. Helping him come down from a panic attack was one thing, but now she didn’t know what to do. They should probably talk about what happened, but that was the thing. They did not talk – about anything, really. Discussing plans and strategies regarding Vecna were always with at least a few more people present, so that didn’t count. They did not sit down to discuss anything on their own. They probably wouldn’t have interacted much at all if they didn’t live in the same house.
They definitely didn’t talk with each other about their feelings.
The idea of taking him to the Squawk and to Will crossed her mind for a moment, before she decided against it. She didn’t know who else would be there besides the Byers boys, Robin and Steve, and even they were too many people to see Mike in this state. Him and her might not be very similar, but they were Wheelers, and Wheelers didn’t break down in front of an audience. They were the picture perfect family who didn’t let others see all the ugliness behind the curtains. Who kept their pain hidden and dealt with it when no one could see.
Falling head first into a nightmare after Will went missing and almost dying in an alternate dimension for the first time probably had a lot to do with her ability to open up to Jonathan and ask for comfort. After all, they both needed each other to deal with that insanity. Still, being vulnerable didn’t come naturally to her and she was quite sure it was the same with Mike. Another pang of guilt shot through her at the thought that she didn’t know if her brother ever really opened up to anyone about everything that’s been happening. If he dealt with anything at all, or if he shut it all down. She knew him and the party were close; they did get tangled up in all this because they refused to give up on Will. They still hang out a lot in their basement and every time she saw Mike, Will was more often than not right beside him.
Will wasn’t here now, though, and she couldn’t in good conscience just pass her brother off to someone else to deal with him, when she was right here. She might not have been there for Mike for years, but maybe she could offer some comfort now, or at least listen to him.
She pulled up to their driveway and left the bag in the back, motioning for Mike to follow her in through the basement door. She would rather avoid meeting their dad, even though he probably wouldn’t look away from the TV for long enough to notice something was wrong.
The basement was chilly, and she held the door open as Mike quietly shuffled in beside her. That was unnerving. Mike was a lot of things, but not quiet; not unless he was trying hard to keep it together.
She handed him a tissue from a shelf, which he took wordlessly before sitting down on one end of the couch.
“I’ll be right back,” she told him, taking the steps two at a time as she hurried up to the kitchen for an ice pack. The TV played faintly from the living room, her dad being too absorbed by it to notice they came home. She got what she came for and headed back down, handing it to Mike. He dabbed away most of the blood from his chin by now and threw the tissue towards the bin. He missed it. They both ignored it.
She took a seat beside him. There was silence. She smoothed out a wrinkle in her pants. He pressed the ice pack to his temple. God, this was awkward.
“You don’t have to stay here,” she turned sideways as he spoke for the first time in a while. He didn’t look at her.
“I think it would be good if we talked,” she replied, then cringed internally at the unusual suggestion. Seeing Mike’s shoulders tense, she hurried to add, “We don’t have to, if you don’t want to, but I’d like to tell you something and if after that you still want me to go, I will,” she eyed him carefully. “Deal?”
“What kind of something?” Mike asked hesitantly, his voice hoarse.
“Something that happened to me when all this started,” she swallowed.
Mike lifted his eyes from his lap to stare at a dirty mug on the coffee table as he considered it, then gave a little jerk of his head which she chose to take as agreement.
She’s never told anyone about her cinema incident and thankfully it never got back to her family, so she didn’t really know how to start. It made her uncomfortable that she was about to start at all, and to none other than her little brother, but he needed her right now, so she had to get over it.
Glancing around the room for something to focus on, her eyes settled on a small vase someone left on the washing machine.
“The week Barb and Will disappeared, I teamed up with Jonathan to try to find them,” she began. “We were both desperate and we both refused to give up on them, and it meant everything to have someone by your side who could understand your pain. I know it wasn’t exactly the same, but still. We both loved them so much,” she cleared her throat, all the grief she didn’t feel as sharply now but was still there inside her rising up to the surface.
She hasn't talked about Barb in a while; ever since she and Jonathan stopped communicating properly. He was the only person she felt safe enough with to be vulnerable about this who could also somewhat understand her. Her mom tried and was supportive in her own way, but she could never really get it without knowing the truth, and she couldn’t tell her that without putting her in danger. Also, she probably wouldn’t believe her anyway.
Some days she still had the urge to turn around and tell her best friend some silly comment about a loud-mouthed neighbor or a ridiculous schoolmate, until she’d remembered that Barb wasn’t here anymore and she hasn’t been here for a long time. Technically, it hasn’t been that long, but with the whole Upside Down crisis it certainly felt like it’s been a lifetime since they were the average high school sophomore whose biggest worry was getting good grades.
Now she was fighting monsters and Barb was dead.
People, especially Jonathan, have told her time and time again that it wasn’t her fault, but they couldn’t have possibly known that. Barb could’ve survived if she had left with her instead of leaving her alone. She has never quite forgiven herself for that and she didn’t think she ever would.
Sometimes it even hurt to look at Will because he came back and her friend didn’t. Nancy knew it was unfair to think like that and Will himself barely made it back alive, but still. She’d look at him, so often in the company of Mike, and all she could think about was her and Barb, younger and carefree, not knowing their time was already numbered, and she’d need to look away.
Blinking a few times to reorient herself, she took a deep breath. She had to continue; this wasn’t going to get any easier.
“I’m sure I told you this back then, but we were looking in the woods one day and I found a gate. I didn’t know what it was at the time of course, and well, I climbed through, which was a foolish decision in hindsight,” she huffed humourlessly. “A demogorgon almost got me before Jonathan pulled me out. Then he took me home, and since we were both pretty shaken, I asked him to stay. Steve was apparently planning to come over, saw us in my room and immediately drew the wrong conclusion,” even years later, she had the urge to roll her eyes at him judging her before even asking her about it. He did change, but back then he was insufferable. She honestly wasn’t sure why she only broke up with him a year later.
“The next day we saw the sign at the cinema,” she noticed Mike glancing at her from the corner of her eye, probably guessing where this story was going.
She focused on the blue and yellow patterns on the vase as she finally said it.
“Nancy ‘the slut’ Wheeler, that’s what it said. Steve’s friends painted it up. It was… embarrassing to stand there, people whispering and pointing at me, acting like they were morally superior, like it was fine that I got ridiculed. They didn’t question if it was true or not. They just believed it,” she finally looked at Mike, whose face was tight, too many emotions flickering in his eyes for her to comprehend them.
“I don’t have to tell you that some people are simply horrible, you already know that. The only thing we can do about it is not letting their flimsy judgment define who we are or rule our lives. Let them think what they want if that’s what makes them happy. They don’t know shit about us, Mike,” she stated firmly.
Nancy had exactly three seconds to believe she managed to help Mike, before her brother’s face crumbled further and he looked away again, placing the ice pack down on the table. He fiddled with his hands in his lap. Despite the ice, the bruises became more prominent since they left the alley, and his eyes were watering. Shit, was he crying for her? Being pitied wasn’t her intention at all. But no, that didn’t sound like Mike. He didn’t pity people and he certainly didn’t burst out crying.
Something was seriously wrong.
“Um, Mike? Are you okay?” she asked tentatively.
Mike shook his head, his bottom lip trembling ever so slightly.
“What is it? You can tell me. I’ll understand–”
“No, you won’t,” he interrupted her, his voice all choked up. Nancy closed her mouth, her brows scrunching in concern and frustration. “I’m sorry this happened to you, but it’s not the same.”
“I didn’t say it was the same, but it’s similar enough,” she argued. “I’m not a slut and you’re not queer.”
A sob escaped from Mike’s throat, and he was staring at that mug on the table so intensely like it had personally offended him. Nancy frowned deeper.
“Mike, you’re not…” she trailed off, voice growing uncertain. Mike dug his nails into his arms, a stray tear falling down his face. Nancy’s eyes widened slightly as a puzzle piece fell into place.
“Oh.”
Oh.
Dozens of memories were put in a different light with his newfound discovery, but she didn’t have time to dwell on them because Mike was shaking badly. She could sort through her own jumbled thoughts later. Right now her brother needed her, so she did something she hadn't done in years.
Nancy hugged Mike tightly.
He tensed in her arms for a few moments like he might pull away, before letting himself fall against her, tears streaming freely down his face and wetting her jacket but she didn’t care. No, all that mattered was holding Mike, keeping him safe and protected as he fell apart.
The last time she hugged him he was only twelve, and everything was still so new and terrifying, and Barb and Will were missing, and she was so grateful that at least her brother was safe. They had already drifted apart by that point, but he was her brother and she loved him. Even if all he ever did was play games with his friends and spend hours in the basement and be a little shit to her. She loved him, and nothing would ever change that.
“It’s gonna be okay, Mike. It's gonna be okay,” she muttered to him over and over again as he let it all out, holding him close until his cries quieted and his body stopped shaking. Then she held him some more because it didn’t seem like he wanted to move yet and she was fine with that.
Eventually, Mike leaned back, rubbing at his eyes with the sleeve of his jumper, wincing as he was too rough and pressed down on a bruise on his cheek. She stood up to get some more tissues for him.
“Mike, I want you to know that I love you, no matter what. If I ever decided to hate you, it would be because of how much of an asshole you can be, not anything else. Okay?” she questioned softly, sitting sideways so she could face him.
Mike looked at her, eyes red and puffy, and gave an almost imperceptible nod.
She smiled a little, staying quiet, giving him the space to gather his thoughts and decide how they should go forward from here. Nancy had a lot of questions, the gears turning in her head, particularly about a certain bowl-cut wearing boy, but she knew Mike had to be the one to lead this conversation.
The silence wasn’t so awkward this time, now that they were finally on the same page. Well, Nancy felt a little awkward about sharing her own incident, since as it turned out it wasn’t the same at all, but maybe that was the push he needed to tell the truth, instead of bottling everything up again until the next inevitable explosion.
“Why…” Mike started before clearing his throat. “Why are you so… normal about this? Something’s wrong with me,” he whispered, glancing at her with confusion, but also a little hope in his eyes.
“There’s nothing wrong with you, Mike,” she stated firmly, without hesitation. “It’s a scientific fact that homosexuality is extremely common among various animal species, and humans are kind of animals, too,” she shrugged. “I admit, I haven’t really thought much about it, but I’ve always found the way the media frames it as some heinous crime to be ridiculous. I don’t see anything wrong with loving someone, regardless of the person’s gender.”
Mike stared at her for what felt like minutes. She gazed back steadily.
“This is so surreal, part of me thinks I’m dreaming,” Mike muttered, more to himself than to her, but she huffed out a half-laugh anyway.
“That makes the two of us,” she said, smiling. Mike’s lips quirked up, too, even if hesitantly.
“Thanks, Nance,” Mike said after a moment. He swallowed, tapping a finger on his thigh. “It feels… freeing to not have to carry this alone,” he whispered.
“How long have you known?” she asked, searching his face to make sure she wasn’t overstepping some boundary. Mike seemed more relaxed and she wanted to keep it that way.
“I’m not sure. Um, maybe a part of me has always known? Not consciously, but I’ve never really been interested in girls, not like how Dustin had been while we were growing up, for example. I remember he had a new crush every other week,” he shook his head with a fond look on his face. “I thought maybe I just haven’t met the right girl. Then El came along, and Lucas thought I liked her. I didn’t know what romantic love was supposed to feel like, and she was sympathetic and kind and we quickly became friends, so I figured that was it. That was the start, and all those warm, fuzzy feelings people talked about in the movies would develop naturally as time went on. Except, they never did,” he smiled bittersweetly.
“Wait, does El know that?” Nancy interrupted, concerned for the other girl. El deserved better than being led on if Mike couldn’t give her what she wanted.
“Yeah, she does. We broke up,” Mike answered in a tone that mixed relief and resignation.
“You did?” With every passing second, Nancy felt more and more out of the loop. God, how ignorant was she about her brother’s life that she didn’t even know he wasn’t in a relationship anymore?
“Yes, a few weeks after we came back from California this spring. We uh, we had a fight the day I arrived there and I thought I managed to smooth it over and we were fine, but then she wanted to talk. Told me she loved me, but needed me to be honest with her,” he swallowed hard. “And I couldn't keep lying anymore. It wasn’t fair to either of us. So I told her that I do love her, just not romantically. I told her that I tried, so hard, but I… couldn’t,” his eyes watered again and he sniffled.
“She’s so nice, you know, and it should’ve been easy to fall in love with her. I spent a lot of time hating myself for not being able to,” Mike admitted. “I felt even more guilty once I started to realise that it wasn’t just El, but any girl. None of them were–” he stopped abruptly and cleared his throat. “Anyway, turns out, she’s not sure if she ever loved me romantically, either,” he huffed.
“Wow,” Nancy shook her head. “I really should start paying more attention.”
“It’s fine,” Mike waved a hand dismissively. “We didn’t make it a big deal. I think we were both trying to convince ourselves we were good together because we thought that was expected of us. To be together, I mean. I always liked spending time with her, but it’s better now that we’re friends. Like we’re finally ourselves without the added pressure of playing the part of a happy couple.”
“I’m happy for you, then. Both of you,” Nancy smiled genuinely and Mike flashed her a grateful one in turn. “I hope El was understanding, too?” she asked just to be sure.
“I didn’t tell her that I’m…” Mike hesitated, like he wasn’t sure he could voice the word out loud, but then he took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a brief moment. When he continued, his voice was steadier. “That I’m gay. I wasn’t quite ready yet.”
“That’s fine, you don’t owe anyone anything. Thank you, by the way, for trusting me with it.”
“You figured it out yourself,” he raised an eyebrow at her.
“True, but still. I know I haven’t been there for you these last few years. I promised you there would be no more secrets between us, then I went off to do my own thing and never checked in on you,” she twisted her mouth, frustrated at herself.
“Trust is a two way street, Nance. I didn’t bother to check on you, either.”
“You're my little brother, I should have,” Nancy insisted.
“Hey, I’m not little anymore,” Mike reacted instinctively, narrowing his eyes.
“If you say so,” she rolled her eyes, playfully shoving his shoulder. Mike shoved right back.
This time, the silence was truly comfortable. Nancy didn’t even realise how much she missed having a relationship with her brother until now. She was so caught up in her own issues, and Mike in his, that they buried their bond alive, forgetting it ever existed. It wasn’t too late to remedy that, though.
“Hey, about what you said earlier… That was messed up. I’m sorry you had to go through it,” Mike commented. Anger was reflecting in his eyes but it wasn’t directed at her, but at her bullies.
“Thanks,” she replied sincerely.
“Did it um… help to talk about it?” Mike stumbled over his words, the situation being new territory for both of them, but he tried. That’s what mattered.
“Yeah,” she gave him a faint smile and he returned it. It was the truth; it did, surprisingly, help. Like a small weight has been lifted off her shoulders.
“So, is there anyone who caught your eye?” she inquired innocently.
To her mild shock, Mike’s cheeks turned pink almost instantly and he coughed, raising his hand to try to hide his blush and failing spectacularly.
“No, um, why would you think that?” he spluttered.
“I didn’t say I think that. I was making conversation, but now I’m curious,” she cocked her head to the side teasingly.
“There’s no one," Mike denied, looking anywhere but at her.
“Okay,” Nancy held up her hands, holding back a smirk. “I believe you.”
“Nancy, I'm serious,” Mike kept going on, his eyes fluttering around, occasionally in her way.
A car door opened in their front yard, the sound carrying to the basement in the quiet morning.
“I said I believe you,” she grinned, standing up. She glanced at her watch. “It’s too early for mom to be back, so that has to be one of the Byers. Maybe Will forgot something here?” she looked back down at Mike whose flush deepened.
As if on cue, the basement door opened and Will poked his head through it, glancing down the stairs.
“Mike? Are you– Oh, hi, Nancy,” he gave her a little wave as he noticed her. She waved back amusedly.
“Am I interrupting something?” he asked, looking between them, eyes widening as he noticed the bruises littering his best friend’s face.
“No, I was just going. Lunch won’t make itself after all,” Nancy smiled at him, starting up the stairs. Will jogged down, worry etched into his features as he took in Mike. She turned back from the top. “You’re on laundry duty, Mike, I hope you didn’t forget it,” she added, but it fell on deaf ears. Mike didn’t even glance her way; he seemed to have eyes only for Will, watching the other boy with a tender look she had never seen on him before. But that was probably because of her ignorance, not Mike’s lack of affection in the past.
“What happened?” Will questioned in his quiet tone, but it was somehow even softer than usual. Like Mike was something precious.
Nancy turned away to hide her smile.
As she closed the door, giving the two of them privacy, she noticed Jonathan lingering in the front doorway. She paused for a moment and she hated that she did. Jonathan has been her safe space for so long, and she didn’t want that to change. She longed for the easy comfort they once shared. She desperately wanted it back.
She didn’t think she was ready for another emotional conversation right now, though. Judging by the tired squint of his eyes and his slumped posture, indicating he didn’t sleep well the night before, she figured he wasn’t either. They had to settle for a middle ground, then.
“Are you going to stand there, or are you going to come help me with lunch?” she asked him, raising a brow, but her eyes were warm.
Jonathan blinked, like he wasn’t sure he was welcome or not before the invite, and that hurt. He gave her a smile, small but genuine.
“I’ll help, of course.”
“I left the bag with the groceries in the car, could you get it, please?”
He nodded, and a few minutes later they were moving around the kitchen in a rhythm they had gotten used to in the last six months, helping her mom in feeding the many people that currently lived in the house. Jonathan was a good cook; her mom couldn’t admire him enough. He had told her once he liked it because the repetitive motions helped him calm down and clear his head. That sounded nice, she had replied, but she needed to concentrate on what she was doing if she didn’t want to burn the house down. He had laughed at that, so brightly that she could’ve listened to it all day.
The TV was still on in the living room, some sport programme, but she heard no movement from her dad. Maybe he fell asleep.
“Is everything okay?” he asked while chopping up carrots. “Mike was supposed to come after us, but he never did.”
Nancy pursed her lips. “I think it’s going to be okay now,” she decided to say. She would never share her brother’s secret and Jonathan seemed to understand whatever she was withholding was between the siblings. He nodded.
“Good.”
She watched him linger on making sure the carrot pieces were the same size as she filled, then accidentally overfilled, a pot with water.
“Nancy–”
“Jonathan–”
They both exhaled a laugh at speaking at the same time.
“Go ahead,” she gestured for him to continue.
He put the knife down and looked at her with sincere eyes.
“Do you… Do you think we could talk sometime?”
“We are talking–” the objection was out of her mouth before she could reel it back in. It was instinct, at this point, to act like everything was fine because if they didn’t dwell on anything for long, nothing could fall apart.
Except that wasn’t true, was it?
Her heart was beating so wildly in her chest that she feared he might hear it. Part of her wanted to deny it, but she knew he was right. They should talk. Whatever came out of it, it would be better than going on like this.
“We could go stargazing tomorrow night? It would be nice and quiet,” she offered, recalling one of their first dates.
“I’d like that,” he said quietly, a smile gracing his lips.
She wanted to kiss him so badly.
“It’s a date, then,” she whispered back, taking his hand and squeezing it.
He looked at her like he wanted to kiss her, too.
The basement door opened and Will came into the kitchen. Nancy and Jonathan drifted apart, not even realising how close they’ve gotten. Will murmured something about ‘getting another ice pack’. Jonathan raised a brow but didn’t question it.
Mike appeared a moment later, eyeing her cautiously, as if he wasn’t sure how their relationship changed after the talk they had.
“What happened to you?” Jonathan asked, stunned.
“I fell,” Mike shrugged, already tugging Will back towards the basement. His best friend went willingly, shooting an apologetic look at the older teens.
Nancy gave them an exasperated, yet fond look.
“Laundry, Mike. The sooner the better.”
Her brother purposefully glanced over his shoulder so she’d see as he rolled his eyes, but she also saw his lips quirk up slightly. “Yeah, yeah, okay.”
She shook her head, glancing at Jonathan and sharing a smile at their brothers’ antics. They were always this way, she supposed, that’s why she hasn’t realised it sooner. The two of them together – it made sense.
As they continued to work in a mostly comfortable silence despite the slight underlying tension, Nancy believed she and Jonathan made sense, too. She wasn’t going to give up on them. They’d overcome so many obstacles, fought monsters – whether they were from a different dimension or their own. This was not going to be what broke them. No, she wouldn’t let it be that.
Nancy Wheeler might not be the best in an emotional crisis, but she was nothing if not stubborn and determined as hell.