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Jax was rarely ever at a loss for words. He took pride in every remark he conjured, the annoying nicknames and insults that came to him as easily as breathing. Something he said could have a circus member reeling for days. It was unlike him to be so silent.
He ambled slowly across the main grounds and through the tent’s flaps, hoping a bit of warm-ish air would bring back the ferocity he had lost. Pomni, the only person Jax even somewhat cared about in the circus, had skipped the last two adventures, leaving him feeling more lonely than he would ever admit. It wasn’t like he could just ask her about her absence— no, that would imply he felt something towards her. Friendship, romance, convoluted emotions he told himself time and time again was beneath him. Sure, Jax tolerated Pomni, but that didn’t mean he liked her. Like was a strong word, a word with heavy connotations that Jax just wasn’t ready to dissect yet. So, as he always did when the artificial circus air became too thick, and he felt as though the walls were closing in on him, Jax allowed his feet to carry him somewhere far away. The place was different every time. Today? He found himself at the digital carnival.
No one ever came here, Jax certainly didn’t, and the cobbled streets curving between abandoned rides were completely empty. By design alone, it seemed Caine had only minimal knowledge on what made a theme park fun: thrills, thrills, thrills. There were rollercoasters that towered high into the low-poly clouds, the tracks bending in ways that shouldn’t have been possible; A ways away was a water drop ride that dove into a pool of circling sharks; And beside that were swings, which seemed normal enough, until Jax walked closer and saw they were held together with what looked like glue and feathers. It was all so absurd, so Caine, that Jax almost turned around and walked back to the circus. If not for the chirping laughter that rose high into the air, the tinkling of bells, noises that set his digital heart racing in his chest.
Jax followed the sounds, placing his hands in his pockets and sauntering to show that he didn’t care. Because he didn’t. It didn’t matter that his footsteps grew faster as the laughter began to fade, or that panic seemed to mix with desperation in his stomach, that he had to actually think about what he wanted to say. Cruelty was his default, deflection as Ragatha had said once, but he knew it was all a part of his Jax charm. Would he mention her ridiculous height to watch her squirm? Or maybe dare her to go on a ride that made her shiver with fear? The possibilities were endless, Jax almost felt renewed, like his old self again. Optimistic, excited even.
“Oh Pomni, my dear, tell me more about this teacup ride.” The voice made him falter. It was loud, settling over the empty carnival like a thick, unwanted fog. The energy was at once too much for Jax, causing a splitting headache to rise to the forefront of his mind, for that squirming nothingness to swim in his gut. But Jax wasn’t one for retreating.
Pomni’s voice cut over the horizon as he walked closer, the pair came into view against the backdrop of the artificial sky. “Yeah, they were always my favorite growing up-“
”Boooringgggg.” Jax leaned to say over her shoulder, which caused a tremble to snake down her spine. She looked up with those wide pinwheel eyes, which shrunk with something close to disdain as she took in the visitor, and the proximity he was inhabiting.
“Hey, Jax.” Pomni scooted her body away, coming closer to the floating ringmaster’s feet. Her gloved hands wrung together, as if trying to dispel the anxious energy that now hung over the conversation. Jax never let the crooked grin slip off his face, even as he watched Pomni struggle with what to say.
“What’re the two of you doing here?” He stepped closer, oblivious— or maybe entirely aware— of crossing into Pomni’s space once again. “I didn’t think anyone actually enjoyed this dump.”
”I was helping Caine redesign some things,” Jax’s eyes flicked to the ringmaster, who he had almost forgotten was there. He waved too enthusiastically, the tail of his coat waved too, as a smile overtook his entire face. Well, it was his entire face. Pomni continued, “Yknow, to make it more fun for us.”
”Yes! Pomni here is a very good instructor! I’m learning more and more about you beautiful humans every day!” Caine spun in the air, practically buzzing. Jax clicked his tongue, the energy he had worked so hard to get back nearly spent by this one annoying conversation. He leaned on the balls of his feet, swinging that nervous energy out through the tips of his fingers, thinking of an excuse to drag Pomni away from the floating pair of dentures and back to her rightful place as his partner in crime. He glanced at the jester, whose eyes were watching Caine as he snapped to summon blocky pieces of carnival food: cotton-candy, fried oreos, a steaming heap of tater tots. The anxiety had all but left her, the straightness of her posture conveyed no hidden uncomfortability, her smile was easy and light, gentler than it ever was within the circus. It was like a mask had broken, revealing Pomni and her true personality: calm, bubbling to the brim with laughter, flushed from the effort to not snort at every comment. Jax took it all in, every piece of her that simply relaxed, unbothered by her eternal predicament. She was just Pomni and, Jax realized with a suddenness that almost doubled him over, that this Pomni was beautiful. Really beautiful. His eyes flicked up to watch as she spoke with Caine, who all that easygoing softness was directed towards.
Oh God. Pomni liked Caine, as much as he liked her. This time Jax did double over.
Pomni reached out a hand as if to comfort him, but Caine beat her to it, slapping Jax on the back like he was trying to dislodge the realization from the rabbit’s throat. He sputtered indelicately, gasping to take in breaths he didn’t need. Pomni’s brows furrowed as she took in the display, concern flitting briefly across her features. Jax was done being vulnerable, he stood up quickly and forced the air into his lungs, letting out a breathy laugh that did little to hide the nausea quickly growing.
“I didn’t know you were interested in architecture, Pom-Pom.” He had to admit it wasn’t his best quip, but the remark did its job. Her eyes narrowed slowly, the upwards curve of her mouth disappearing into the folds of her cheeks where her circular blush cartoonishly shrank back into her skin. It wasn't her reaction that Jax relished however, but Caine’s. He crossed his arms across his chest, wrinkling his polished ringmaster’s coat in the process. The canines making up his lower jaw ground together in a show of something almost human, a habit he had definitely picked up from watching circus members from afar.
Oh, this was rich. Caine liked Pomni, too!
As funny as the idea was, Jax couldn’t help but feel a sliver of jealousy curl around his heart— the heart he had long believed didn’t exist. How annoying that the only person he had learned to care for since Ribbit was kissing up to the boss. The boss who most definitely did not have the best opinion about him. Did they talk about him while he wasn't there? Did Pomni whisper about all the embarrassing things Jax did while on adventures? Did they laugh at him? Ridicule him?
Pomni cut through his thoughts, her voice level, more solid than anything he had ever held. “It’s been…fun.” Her gaze caught Caine, the blush below her eyes coming back in full force. “I’m excited for all of you to see it once we’re done.”
Jax narrowed his eyes, feeling the usual bitterness— one that had, for a little while, completely gone away— bubble in his gut. How unfair, how stupid. His smile widened, unfit for a face that resembled a prey animal. Now he was all feral, sharp edges and fierce angles, teeth made for biting, nails made for clawing— He felt like an angry, wild beast. When had the ground beneath his feet crumbled? Was it a slow process? Had it just begun? Jax didn’t know, all he understood was that he felt like a torn up sheet of paper, a tossed work in progress, discarded, forgotten. And yet Pomni still gave him that reassuring smile, which was almost worse. She needed to pick a side.
”You think your influence is going to convince us to explore this dump?” A laugh tore from his throat, obviously unnatural by the way he played it off with a fit of ugly giggles. “You’ve been here for—what?— three months? And you think your opinion matters to any—“
The world around him blurred suddenly, causing the bitter words to die in his throat. Jax was unsure if the swirling colors and airiness was something his mind was creating, as it wouldn’t be the most out there thing he had experienced at the circus, but he felt entirely grounded in reality. There was nothing out of body about this shift, just the surprise at the sudden change. He fell, the feeling completely real: his stomach twisted from the adrenaline, he had half a mind to scream. And then he was in an office, the blank cream walls materializing just as quickly as the carnival had disappeared.
”Jax..” That obnoxious voice sounded across from him, pretending to be soft. Jax finally took a second to ground himself, grabbing at his chest to make sure everything had come with him, his tail, his ears, his rapidly beating heart. He sat in a plush chair that ate away at his still arms, it was the color of a childhood snack, one Jax had forgotten until this moment. Yellow, citrusy—
“Jax.” Caine said again, more firm. The rabbit finally shook his thoughts away and glanced at the ringmaster. It never got easier to look at him: Rows of too straight, too perfect teeth, the kind that Hollywood stars got after making it big. His eyes were worse, larger than they needed to be, and much too expressive to actually get any point across. Jax shuddered internally, but forced a lopsided smile onto his face. Always a performer.
”Wanted to get some one-on-one time with me? Sorry, but I don’t swing that way.”
Caine folded his hands atop the desk. They were in an office Jax had never been in. It was cold, professional, and had Caine sitting a few inches higher than him, the chair cranked all the way up. Even the look he threw at the rabbit was oddly intentional, like he had practiced the expression over and over in the mirror. Like someone had taught him.
“Pomni told me—“
Jax’s stomach dropped at the mention of her name, embarrassment still clung to his fur like tack. “I don’t want to hear about what the two of you do.”
”—That human emotions can be complicated and unexpected, but they’re never shameful.” Caine continued as if he had never been interrupted. His teeth clattered as he spoke and ground together as he breathed, creating the most annoying, unbearable orchestra that Jax had ever heard. He wanted to leave.
“What does that have to do with me?”
Caine smiled like he had been waiting for the question. “While no emotion is explicitly bad, you have to deal with them a certain way.” His voice flowed as if reading off a script, smooth, a little too quick. His eyes sparkled as the information left his gaping jaw, and he couldn’t help but float a few inches off the chair, putting more space above the rabbit who could only glance up with pretend boredom.
“So?”
”A spike in your heartbeat, a rise of body temperature, your unkind words to my dearest superstar,” Caine’s voice rose with excitement, ready to diagnose, to play doctor like Pomni had taught him. “You are jealous!”
Jax felt the mask crack. His permanent grin faded into a thin, wobbling line, the pupils of his eyes shrank until they were thinner than the whiskers that spiraled out from his cheeks. There was that flush again, the quickened heartbeat, that prey instinct that had most definitely cursed him into this body.
“I don’t get jealous.” He said, though his voice broke in confession.
“You most certainly do!” The ringmaster swung his baton in a wide circle, letting it land on the desk where he was now standing with his arms outstretched. “It’s natural, it’s human! Tell me, what can I do to help?”
”You can leave me alone.”
There was a moment of contemplative silence where Caine decided if Jax’s answer would truly help him. But the conclusion came swiftly: “Nonsense!”
Jax crossed his arms and slunk even further back into the chair, letting the cushion eat at his body. Maybe it would swallow him whole. He hoped it would
“If you really must know…I was just so upset that you’re changing the amusement park.”
His voice dripped with condescension, something Caine clearly did not catch on to. He nodded expectantly, scribbling down what Jax assumed were notes. “I don’t know when I’ll start to feel better, I may have to skip the next few adventures.”
Caine looked up from his notebook, setting the pencil aside to grip Jax’s hand. “Of course, whatever you need to get over this jealousy.”
He didn't like that the floating pair of dentures thought he was jealous— no matter how truthful his diagnosis may have been— but skipping adventures just might be worth it. Jax stood, stretching his back and wiping his eyes to feed into his persona.
“If that’s all—“
The doorknob disappeared from beneath his hand. Caine still stood on the desk, his fingers poised to snap. The hood of his jaw slid to cover the top of his eyes, teeth moving in a way that would never be possible on a human. For a moment, Jax remembered the powers Caine held, that he was, for all intents and purposes, the God of this realm.
“Before you leave, I want you to understand this:” His foot tapped a cheerful rhythm into the wood, completely at odds with his darkened demeanor. “Pomni is my friend, and I make sure my friends are always happy. If you jeopardize that, there will be dire consequences.”
Jax nodded slowly, hand fumbling for the doorknob that had yet to appear. Caine snapped again, resetting the office, and teleporting presumably back to his friend’s side. He had a long walk back to his room. Maybe Caine had done that on purpose, to give the rabbit extra time to think. Or, maybe, it was a small example of that ‘dire consequence.’ Jax didn't want to think about what that entailed.
After a moment of contemplative silence, he stepped away from the door and back into the heart of the office, picking up Caine’s discarded notebook, the one he had written Jax’s words in. Or, what Jax had thought he’d written his words in. All that littered the page was a doodle of two bees: One with a top hat and bow tie, and the other wearing a familiar jester’s cap.
How embarrassing, he thought, that I’ve been replaced with this fool.