Work Text:
conversation "Polysquad"
ITollie: how am i supposed to explain this relationship
ITollie: because whenever i attempt to people always give me weird and confused looks
eastsidetotheWESside: ??? how r u explaining it
laurelll: im p sure that's just how monogamous people work
promqueen: ^^^
risefromtheashers: i object on the grouns that, as a non-monogamous person, i'm still always confused
laurelll: who r u explaining urself to?
conartist: follow-up question: why r these people asking in the first place? can we trust them?
ITollie: ur paranoia is flattering but it's just like work colleagues and stuff
ITollie: and whenever i explain it i'm just like "well i have five partners but i'm only technically with 3 of them because the other 2 are girls - by the way i'm gay - but anyway i'm like super close to them like we are super close friends"
risefromtheashers: not to insult you bro but that's a horrible way of explaining it
promqueen: you actually suck his dick on the regular why do you still call him bro
conartist: you could just not answer the question?? or lie???
eastsidetotheWESside: yes because oliver is such a fantastic liar
promqueen: just do what i do and carry around little slips of paper with the definition of polyamory on them
ITollie: okay that's extra
promqueen: E X C U S E Y O U
conartist: you can't excuse the truth
promqueen: @laurel @asher @wes DEFEND ME
risefromtheashers: ,,,
laurelll: "Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth." - Buddah
eastsidetotheWESside: the tea burns
promqueen: the ones i love,,, have all betrayed m e
eastsidetotheWESside: also since when have we been telling people that we are together
conartist: a spectacular question
promqueen: ??? since it became official ?????
eastsidetotheWESside: oh.
conartist: really?
promqueen: yes
laurelll: duh
risefromtheashers: yep my pals
ITollie: how have u been explaining us?? or just ur romantic life in general?
conartist: most assume im single and mingling like constantly
risefromtheashers: it's not like you haven't given them reason to my brah
conartist: you really need to stop with the bro thing
risefromtheashers: excuse you i said brah
conartist: *and other alternatives to bro
eastsidetotheWESside: anyway i just usually avoid the question or lie
eastsidetotheWESside: wait since you guys have been telling people does that mean annalise knows about us
promqueen: afraid for mommy to find out about your dirty lovers
eastsidetotheWESside: below the belt
risefromtheashers: i never told annalise or bonnie or frank that we were a thing
ITollie: i didn't either
promqueen: ^^^
laurelll: did we all just forget to tell all of our bosses that all their employees are fucking
conartist: this is the most us thing we've ever done
promqueen: y'all are so disgustingly in love and pda-rotten how could they not know
laurelll: last night you came home drunkingly sobbing over how much you love us??
laurelll: who are you calling us disgusting?
promqueen: I FEEL ATTACKED
ITollie: the comedy central roast of michaela
risefromtheashers: ROFL
risefromtheashers named the conversation "Polysquad - and the comedy central roast of michaela"
laurelll: did u just say rofl in fucking 2016
eastsidetotheWESside: who in their right mind would wanna fuck 2016
laurelll: i've said that about all of ur exes wes
eastsidetotheWESside: rude @michaela they're targeting us
risefromtheashers: awe don't worry we still like-like you both
promqueen: asher... you're thirty years old.
eastsidetotheWESside: what the actual fuck asher
ITollie: i'll pay you real money to never say "like-like" again
conartist: i can't believe i've willing had sex with him
laurelll: "like-like" is insecure rich white boy for "love"
risefromtheashers: w O w speAKING OF TARGETING
risefromtheashers: IT'S LIKE SO CLOSE TO BEING HALLOWEEN
conartist: you are thirty years old.
ITollie: I ALREADY HAVE MY COSTUME PICKED OUT
conartist: unbelievable.
laurelll: WE SHOULD HOLD A HALLOWEEN PARTY
eastsidetotheWESside: how would we throw a party
laurelll: what do you mean
eastsidetotheWESside: where would we throw it? what would we do? how do you even throw a party.
promqueen: more importantly who would we invite bc all of our friends are also our date-mates so???
laurell: new idea: we all set aside a day of not working and marathon the halloween town series and other disney halloween movies
conartist: you are 28 years old.
ITollie: you don't have to join us
conartist: no i'm joining you
laurelll: ,,, if annalise didn't know about us she knows now
laurelll: or, at least, about me and michaela
risefromtheashers: what
laurelll: she totally just walked in on us making out
ITollie: oh my god
risefromtheashers: WHERE IS MICHAELA YOU TWO NEED TO EXPLAIN URSELVES
laurelll: she's too busy blushing and freaking out to get on her phone
eastsidetotheWESside: this is horrible news
laurelll: it's fine she barely reacted
laurelll: she was as emotionless as usual
conartist: yeah she's probably used to it by now
ITollie: ???? im so afraid to ask what that means
risefromtheashers: i'm not give me the tea
eastsidetotheWESside: ,,,,
conartist: she totally also walked in on wes and i making out like, last week.
risefromtheashers: *channing tatum in 22 jump street voice* OH SHIT
promqueen: why did i have to read that white shit with my own eyes
ITollie: I REALLY HATE THAT I'M A PART OF THIS RELATIONSHIP
ITollie: oh wait hi michaela nice to see u again
risefromtheashers: i thought u were too busy blushing
promqueen: i was resurrected by the need to call folks out on their bullshit
promqueen: speaking of which lol @wes and connor
eastsidetotheWESside: you literally did the exact same thing as us
laurelll: yeah but we did it a week later so it's not as bad
ITollie: i really think we should explain this all to annalise
ITollie: im really surprised she hasn't asked any questions
risefromtheashers: i can assure you literally nobody else in this groupchat is shocked by that
eastsidetotheWESside: u haven't been working for her long enough to ~know~
laurelll: she has to deal with murders every day i highly doubt she cares that much about our love life
conartist: when she saw us her only reaction was a sigh and telling us to get back to work
ITollie: A T W OR K
promqueen: ??? how else would she have walked in on us?
ITollie: my already low standards have just been dropped lower
conartist: objection u r dating the most attractive people possibly ever???
laurelll: ^^^^^
eastsidetotheWESside: + asher
risefromtheashers: tell that to the blowjob you gave me this morning
eastsidetotheWESside: someone please kick him out of the groupchat
ITollie: i've decided i'm telling annalise
promqueen: send us screenshots
ITollie: hey annalise
annamissmewiththatbullshit: yes?
ITollie: i just want to clear things up, as i know it might be confusing you as of recent events and i want us to be on the same page
ITollie: you know, as boss to employee
ITollie: connor, michaela, laurel, wes, asher, and i are all engaged in a consensual, polyamorous relationship.
annamissmewiththatbullshit: okay
ITollie: okay?
annamissmewiththatbullshit: was there something else you want to talk about?
ITollie: no, no that was it
annamissmewiththatbullshit: then this conversation is done with
ITollie: yes, thank you for understanding
ITollie: *2 Images*
promqueen: my precious screenshots
conartist: why r u so terrified of her
ITollie: !?!?!? did i sound terrified???
promqueen: no more than usual
risefromtheashers: yikes my dude talk about awkward
laurelll: u did fine you were just being respectful ollie
ITollie: yea, exactly
eastsidetotheWESside: it's cute ollie
conartist: literally everything he does is cute
ITollie: one of you get in here and??? makeout with me??? now????
eastsidetotheWESside: coMING
conartist: OMW
risefromtheashers: ^^^^
laurelll: wow the true queen of dick
promqueen: when will i ever reach that level?
laurelll: i can make out with u rn
promqueen: we literally just got done making out
laurelll: so you don't want to?
promqueen: no i want to get ur face over here
annamissmewiththatbullshit: *2 Images*
annamissmewiththatbullshit: you both owe me $30
cinnnabonnie: wow hitting us with the screenshots
dankfrank: that's cold