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Abolish private property

Summary:

Haley
Hi Shane! Just messaging about our heater again. Do you think we could get it fixed today?
Shane
So sorry for the late reply, Haley! I’m at the Olympics and my time zones are all messed up. Messaged my HVAC guy and he’ll be there in the morning.

Haley
screenshot.jpg
Wtf?
Katie
Is this guy fr???

Or: the trials and tribulations of renting from Shane Hollander.

Notes:

Please turn on creator style. I literally learned how to code for this fic, and haven't figured out how to make it readable without creator's style yet. Please let me know if you have any issues with the style showing up correctly!

The timeline in this fic is a mishmash of the books and the show. I’ve only watched the show admittedly, but the Sex Condo™ is apparently only canon to the books. I do my best to generally stick to the show’s timeline, but have likely made some errors so please don't think too hard about it. Also, Shane and Ilya boink multiple times at the sex condo in this fic, which is a book-only detail I believe.

EDIT Apr 13: I've updated Haley and Katie's rent prices to better reflect 2014 rent prices in Montreal. Previously, Shane was charging them $1800 total, which by today's standards is totally reasonable but 10 years ago would probably be some kind of crime. Thanks to Januxa for commenting about the price!
EDIT APri 14: Figured out how to add pictures to the FB posts!

Otherwise, thanks for the incredible amount of kudos and comments so far!! I will get through replying one day soon

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: 2013-2014

Chapter Text

avatar

Haley Ishii

2d

ISO Female roommate to join lease May 15
Hi everyone! I (F20) am a student at Vanier College, looking for a roommate to sign a lease with. There’s this new building that I’m super interested in! It’s a spacious 2x1 with plenty of sunlight and the kitchen was renovated just this year!

  • Location: Le Plateau Mont-Royal
  • Rent: $375 ($750 total)
  • In-unit washer/dryer
  • No smoking
  • Unfurnished, willing to split cost on shared areas like the living room
  • Preference for someone who I can be friends with, but happy to be just friendly
  • Looking to create a clean, calm environment

  • Message me at ***-******* and we can set up a tour with the landlord! Preferably this week

3

emojis

avatar

Katie Wilson

messaged!


Haley

Hi Haley! This is Katie Wilson. I saw your Facebook post in the Montreal apartment group about searching for a roommate. I’m 22F, moving to the city in May to start a new job in sales. It sounds like we could be a great fit and I’d love to chat if you’re still looking!

Hi Katie! Thanks for reaching out. Yes I’m still looking for a roommate!

Great!! I have some quick questions first if you don’t mind


-About how big is the room?
-Are you open to me having occasional overnight guests?
-Would you look to split rent evenly?



-The rooms are each about 6.6x4.4m, more than enough room for a desk bed and some extra furniture! The building is pretty new so plenty of space
-Yes to overnight guests, I appreciate a heads up but otherwise totally cool with me.
-Yes I would split rent evenly :)


Tysm!! Sounds like we could be a good fit :)
do you think we can tour Thursday or Friday afternoon?
Thursday is best for me! Let me message Shane, the landlord. Looking forward to meeting you


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r/Landlord · Posted by u/montrealmetros24 9 hours ago.

I (22M) am a first time landlord. Any tips?

Questions/Advice

Like the title says. I recently bought a three story condo with four standard units and a penthouse in Montreal. I live in the penthouse, but want to rent out the other units for passive income. There’s a retail space on the first floor too. Would appreciate any advice!

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bigdawg2354 9 hours ago

lol 22? maybe give the money back to mommy and daddy and let them manage it for you

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montrealmentros24 9 hours ago

I see why you’d think this, but the money is earned by me! Fortunate to have a high-paying job and good side gigs.

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bigdawg2354 8 hours ago

bruh that’s impossible, you’d have to have started working at like. 18. and be making at least 500k from your first job. and saved all of it. to be buying property at 22

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88DanTheMan88 5 hours ago

Hey! Good to see a young person interested in investment and property. Don’t listen to the haters, they’re just jealous. As a landlord of 20+ years, here’s my beginner’s tips to managing a building:

  • Use lawdepot.ca for free contract templates, and tenant.chekr for cheap background checks.
  • Keep good track of your documents! General good business practice. I have a filing cabinet at home dedicated to all things property-related, and make sure to organize it once a quarter.
  • Have a reliable set of contractors you can call on at a moment’s notice. It’s tempting to save a quick buck by doing everything yourself, but it’s truly not worth the headache when your tenant calls at 3am on a work night about their heater. Or if you go on vacation.
  • Same goes for taxes. You’l think you can do it all yourself at first, but trust me, you can’t. Get a good accountant.
  • Maintain a good relationship with your tenants. The less reason they have to complain, the less often they bug you. I try to respond to all messages within 48 hours
  • That being said, you’ll always have at least one problem tenant. Fact of life. Try to keep things civil, but don’t be afraid to evoke your rights if needed. I find that as soon as I start bringing up eviction, things magically resolve themselves. And if not, then I evict the annoying tenant.
  • Best of luck! This is a long term investment that will pay dividends down the road. Wish I had the chance to start as early as you have!

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    montrealmentros24 4 hours ago

    Thanks so much for this guide! I’ll be sure to keep this all in mind, this is super helpful. I’m definitely a little nervous, but taking things one step at a time.

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Tenet application Inbox
Marc Matherson <[email protected]> July 25, 2013, 5:38PM
to Shane ▾
···

hi Shane,
here’s my completed application for Unit 1A attached to this email. i also included a letter of reference and the contact info for my last landlord like you asked. please lmk what next steps are

thanks,
marc

hi Shane,
checking again on my app. would really love to move forward asap

thanks,
marc

Hi Marc,

Sincerely apologize about the delay, I’ve been traveling for business and away from my computer. Thanks for sending your documents through, everything looks to be in order.

You’ll receive an email regarding a background check and credit check. The fee will be $20. Pending results, I’ll send your lease through.

Thanks for your understanding,
Shane


Building chat

Luisa
Welcome to our newest neighbor Marc! Marc, this is our building chat for tenants.
Welcome!! This is Katie
Haley
Welcome to the building, marc! -Haley Jaylen
Hi!! From Jaylen
Marc
hi everyone! this is marc. thanks for the warm welcome
hope to be a good neighbor
Luisa
Excited to have you. Generally we try to keep things laid back here. We try to keep quiet hours after 10PM, keep the lobby free from clutter, and let each other know about any issues in a civilized manner.
Anything else you can go to Shane. He’s generally nice but travels a lot for work so sometimes he’s not the most responsive.
lol yeah he’s taking forever to respond to my pest control request rn
But he’s not an evil corpo so I guess i can’t complain too much
Haley
I think he might live in the building but honestly have never seen him before
Fahima
sorry I’m late but welcome Marc!!


Haley

Have you heard back from Shane about the heater

it’s been over a day

No :( I’ll text him again

no clue what’s up. Maybe he’s traveling again?

tyty youre the best

Like dude it’s the middle of the winter, we need heat, I don’t care if you’re out of country. you could be at the fucking OLYMPICS for all i care!! fix it!!!


Shane (landlord)

Yesterday 10:34 AM
Hi Shane! Just messaging about our heater again. Do you think we could get it fixed today? It’s going to snow tomorrow!

Today 3:15 AM
So sorry for the late reply, Haley! I’m at the Olympics and my time zones are all messed up. Messaged my HVAC guy he should be there in the morning, your time. Sorry again.


Haley

screenshot.jpg

wtf?

holy shit, I was only joking

Is he actually at the olympics?? what's he doing there??

Maybe he got tickets to watch
you know what, whatever. Just give me my heating back


Building chat

Yesterday 11:46 PM

Haley
Hey if whoever is on the third floor can keep it down, it would be appreciated
It’s almost midnight
Today 12:09 AM
Haley
I’m not the only one hearing this, right?
Fahima
No I’m on the first floor and i can hear it in the stairwells
What is going on??
Who even lives on the third floor? It’s the penthouse suite, right?
Haley and I are 2A
Fahima
I’m 1B
Jaylen
Luisa and I are in 2B.
Marc
1A
So if it’s none of us on the third floor… who’s driving the bus??
Holy shit I hear yelling now
Marc
u said shane lives in the building right??
No way
Haley
Oh my god
I think you’re right
Fahima
Should we call a wellness check or something?
It sounds really intense
…kinda sounds like he’s enjoying it
Fahima
Why would he
Nevermind
Might as well be happening
Haley
This is crazy
I can’t believe I’ve never even seen this guy and now i’m hearing him getting his back blown out
That’s more than I ever needed to know about my landlord
Jaylen
He must be having a good time. Luisa and I never sound like this. Especially not at midnight. This chick must be amazing.
Luisa
Watch it, buster.
I’ll email Shane.


Noise complaint 3rd floor Inbox
Luisa Sanchez <[email protected]> August 14, 2014, 7:50AM
to Shane ▾
···

Hi Shane,

I’m writing this email on behalf of all of the tenants in this building regarding a persistent noise issue from the top floor. We consistently hear excessive disturbance every couple of months, and it’s been a big strain on our quality of life. We would sincerely appreciate action on your part to address this issue.

Please find our collective signature below.

signature.jpg

Thanks for your attention,
Luisa

Luisa,

I am so sorry that this has been an issue. Thank you for bringing it to my attention and I will do my utmost to resolve it quickly.

Sincerely,
Shane


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r/Landlord · Posted by u/montrealmetros24 2 hours ago.

I (23M) think my tenants may be unionizing against me

Questions/Advice

Hi all, I (23M) think my tenants may be forming a union against me. They emailed me yesterday about a noise complaint from the penthouse floor. The issue is, I’m the one who lives on the top floor. So they’re complaining about me.

If they actually unionize, would they be able to kick me out of my own building? Thanks for any insights.

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Notes:

Spoiler alert: Shane did not fix the noise issues
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Based on this tumblr post
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Much of this fic is rooted in my own frustrations with my landlord and finding an apartment in a major metropolitan city, lol. Why is it so hard and expensive to pay someone to live somewhere??
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Code used in this fic (i owe all of these people my life):
Facebook post skin, by BluebeardsWife
iOS Messenger chat skin, by CodenameCarrot & La_Temperanza
Reddit skin, by jinsake & spookedcroon
Gmail skin, by DemigodOfAgni