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The meeting adjourned. Eva Stratt sorted through the stack of papers in front of her while everyone else in the room shut their laptops, clicked their pens, and started talking about their dinner plans. Tonight’s discussion went longer than anticipated.
“Drinks?” Dimitri asked the crew, leaning against his chair as the other scientists and astronauts shuffled out of the room. There were pats on the backs and good nights exchanged.
“I haven’t eaten yet,” Grace answered. His eyeglasses were askew, his hair sticking out in places. “Do you think they still have burrito?”
“I would love a burrito,” Ilyukhina said. “I could also use a vodka right now.”
It has been an exhausting day. The launch was still months away, which meant there was still a lot of work to be done. The crew does what they can do with their usually small window of break time, and it always comes down to sleep or drinks.
“Let’s pack it up here,” Yao announced, gathering his own notes and laptop. Everyone else followed suit.
“Or maybe a ramen,” Grace said, his hands linked behind his head as he yawned.
“Dr. Grace, come with me.”
From the head of the table, Stratt stood, eyes on the papers in her hand as she beckoned to Grace with a finger.
Grace sat up straight. He looked at the crew, shrugging apologetically, as if to say, Hey, what can I do? He didn’t truly seem apologetic about it, nor did he look upset that his dinner plans have just been thwarted.
“Sorry, the boss calls,” he sighed. He approached Stratt and picked up her coffee cup. The two of them walked out of the room, Stratt explaining away and pointing at a spot on the paper, Grace’s head bent low to see.
There was a beat of silence. And then:
“Do you think they’re—“ Shapiro started.
“Fucking, yup.” Dimitri pulled out 100 dollars and threw it on the table to make a point.
DuBois frowned. “What’s your proof?”
Ilyukhina chuckled. “It was right in front of us. Honestly, I always thought Stratt is a lesbian.”
“Really?” Shapiro gasped.
“I felt a vibe. And I did my research.”
“Come on, now,” Yao said. “They have a mother-and-son dynamic.”
“Some people are into that,” Ilyukhina replied. She tossed her own dollars on the table.
Shapiro leaned in like she was about to reveal a huge secret. “You know what, I did see Grace coming out of Stratt’s office late one night.” She seemed to be seriously considering it.
“No one’s surprised,” Dimitri said. “They probably already know everyone knows.”
“I’d say Grace is oblivious, but nothing gets past Stratt,” Ilyukhina offered.
The crew sat with this. After years of such close proximity, it was not an absurd conclusion to come to. Everyone had their own opinion and observation at this point. What was going on between the Project Hail Mary’s leader and her second-in-command?
__
Early in the morning, Ilyukhina sleepily stepped out onto the deck. There was no one else there except for two figures standing next to each other, aglow with the sunrise.
Stratt was looking out at the sea, her arms folded across the railing. Grace was turned the other way, holding two cups of coffee. For a still moment, they painted a serene picture of two normal people unburdened with the impossible mission to save the world.
Ilyukhina can almost believe it; can almost see them getting breakfast together before their 9-to-5 work where they probably met and clashed and fell in love. Going home to their apartment. Maybe they’d have a cat. Dinner dates and drinks with their friends. A life where astrophage and dying stars were a stuff of science fiction.
Then Ilyukhina felt the warmth of the sun on her skin. Today it was still bright, but the future was uncertain now.
Maybe Stratt and Grace were really just friends, she thought. Comrades. Two genius minds brought together by the cruel fate that insisted on them being the saviors of humankind. Two souls recognizing what must be done and sacrificing their personal motivations. This is life now. The rest is expendable.
Maybe the crew was just being silly. But would it be the craziest thing to think that Stratt and Grace had anchored on each other in these trying times? Isn’t it the most human thing to build connections no matter the circumstance? Hasn’t love always slipped through the cracks and found the loneliest people?
As Ilyukhina walked past them, Grace smiled at her. She noticed their shoulders brushing. She thought she also heard a woman’s soft chuckle. It was moments like this that made everyone wonder.
__
Or when Shapiro was about to enter Stratt’s office and heard voices inside. She leaned against the door, but the sound was still muffled. She knocked.
“Come in,” Stratt called.
Grace opened the door for her and gave her a smile.
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Shapiro said. “I didn’t know—“
“It’s okay, Dr. Grace and I are done,” Stratt replied.
“I just brought her lunch,” Grace said. “Gotta make sure she doesn’t die before the sun.” There was a plate of chicken and salad and a bottle of water cluttering the desk.
Or the fact that whenever they walked, it was always side by side, their feet in sync. It was true that he was her lapdog and followed her every command without question.
“Do you think she also tells him what to do in bed?” Dimitri once wondered out loud.
“Why do you need to ask that? He probably gets pegged,” Ilyukhina replied.
It was also true that out of all the terrific scientists on that boat, the ostracized molecular biologist turned middle school teacher was the one she trusted the most for some reason.
In meetings, they would always find each other’s eyes, as if to ask, Do you agree? Is that okay with you? Do you have other suggestions? When making decisions, Grace was the first to back up Stratt’s often morally questionable strategies.
“I know it sounds insane, but when has Stratt been wrong?” he would declare.
On the other hand, she always supported his findings, validating his authority in the project. Grace was smart but insecure, so she was there to pat his back and (figuratively) hold his hand through it. After all, she was the first to believe in him.
Or when Grace went after her when she slipped out of the room at karaoke.
“And that is enough.”
Everyone cheered and applauded and raised their drinks to Stratt, who was gone as quick as she appeared. Someone else took the mic and sang a new song. Grace remained quiet in his seat.
“What was that?” Shapiro laughed. A song can be a lot of things. A love confession or an apology? A promise or a farewell? Who was Eva Stratt outside this mission? What has she sacrificed? The whole time she sang, her eyes flitted around the room, conveying gratitude to every person she looked at, but they always lingered on Grace’s. A secret message in a secret language.
“Hey, cheers,” Ilyukhina tried to give a shot to Grace. “Ryland. You okay?”
“Oh, um.” Grace shifted. “Sorry… actually, I think I’ll go now. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”
The crew watched him leave with interest. It’s not like he has ever hidden his feelings. They always show through his actions that everyone has accepted as normal, but no one else can come close to Stratt like he does. His sneaking glances and touches, his unique way of making her smile. Clearly, one way or another, he has occupied a space in her life, may it be as a caring friend or a loyal servant. He would say he’s just doing his job. He won’t say it’s love. No self-preserving person would.
“Well!” Dimitri took a shot. “I’ll say I won the bet.”
“He is a dog.” Yao shook his head.
No one knew where Stratt and Grace went that night.
__
When you wield all the power in the world, it always comes at a price. People look at Eva Stratt and see a coldhearted, vicious woman. They call her cruel then turn to her for solutions.
When she sentenced Grace to his death, the crew took it as another definitive order. And for the first time, her second-in-command was not in the position to defend her honor. The loyal knight’s head on the king’s chopping block. A soldier bleeding from the bullet in his back.
“She betrayed him!” some of them said afterwards. “But I thought she loved him?”
“They weren’t even in a relationship,” some fired back. “It was for the good of the mission. She made the right call.”
Maybe Eva Stratt was not as heartless as everyone thought. Or maybe Ryland Grace just reminded her of the good of humanity.
Everyone watched for her reaction afterwards, noticing the empty space by her side and the heavy weight on her shoulders. She paid for her crimes, but no one knew her regrets. It occurred to them that the most powerful woman in the world was also the loneliest.
Did love have a place between two people when the fate of humanity was at stake? Was it a fleeting affair, seeking brief moments of pleasure in a stressful environment? Or a platonic companionship found in someone who shares your burden?
Was it betrayal for the master to kill the sacrificial lamb? Was it cowardice for the most devoted man to refuse to die for his god?
Years later and they all still wonder. The greatest scientist in the world can study Stratt and Grace under a microscope and still not find an answer. Whatever happened between them was lost in history, but their sacrifices were not in vain, their deeds immortalized. In the end, it all worked out for the greater good. In the end, it was simply fate’s cruel design.
In the end, what does it matter then?