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If There Were Any More Of Me (I'd Give It To You)

Summary:

Charles learns that a magic snake means magic wounds

AKA: Some short n sweet whump in these trying times

Notes:

Haven't got much to say in this intro except please enjoy :D

Title from: Heaven's Gate by Fall Out Boy

Prompt: Hidden Injuries

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

 Charles once got bit by his granny’s evil terrier, back when he was young and both he, the dog, and his dad’s mum were still alive. Honestly, everything that lived in that house turned out bad, so he should’ve expected it.

 

 It hurt, obviously. That rat-thing had a nasty nip.

 

 That was his frame of reference for bites, and while it was painful, it definitely wasn’t life threatening or even limb-threatening.

 

 He was pretty sure the snake that old bitch Esther kept in her cupboard was worse.

 

 Honestly, her and his granny would’ve been great pals if they ever met. Thank god they hadn’t. Esther was plenty of trouble on her own, and what with his best friend getting tortured upstairs and his little snake quest, Charles was pissed. Lucky for him, he had a cricket bat and a target the size of a tram to whack until some of the anger was out of his system.

 

 Wa-fucking-hoo.

 

 His plan went well for about ten seconds. Then it went to shit.

 

 To cut a long, embarrassing, traumatic story short- cupboard, floor, snake, OW, more snake, sword, somersault, SHIT SHIT SHIT, snake, bye bye snake.

 

 At least the thing was dead and wouldn’t be eating any more living kids.

 

 Unfortunately, it’d made a valiant last stand- last slither?- to eat him before it went. In fact, it’d got him right in the stomach. Well, it had two big fangs at the front, and only one hit him, so he’d got off easy. It didn’t feel like he got off easy. It actually felt like someone was repeatedly beating him with a red-hot poker then finishing him off with a sledgehammer.

 

 What even was that snake? Whatever it was probably didn’t have antivenom, and even if it did, the likelihood of it working on someone who was already dead was slim to none.

 

 Charles wanted to lie on the ground and maybe throw up.

 

 Instead, he forced one foot after the other and told himself he needed to climb up that rope to make it back upstairs to help the girls to save Edwin so they could beat Esther so they could leave Port Townsend and never, ever come back.

 

 So he did.

 

 Once he was up there, though, it was mayhem. Between Edwin and Crystal’s injuries, Esther getting dragged away by a goddess, and Niko-...

 

 Christ, there wasn’t enough time to think about anything else.

 

 He made it as far as the butcher’s shop before he collapsed. The last thing he remembered was a cool hand cupping his cheek and cool lips against his forehead.

Notes:

Thank you so much for reading!! I challenged myself to write this in less than fifteen minutes n succeeded, so wahoo :D

A) The note I wrote for this fic's plot is; ' Charles keeps that pesky snake bite to himself and it goes as badly as you would think'

B) I went off on a big research tangent for this so please note the slitherbug is meant to be based off an Inland Taipan, and also I traumatised my writing group with facts about snake venom and also that a creature called 'the penis snake' exists. It's more of an amphibious worm but for the love of GODS do not look up a picture of it in public <3

C) The ending of this one is ambiguous so if you wanna think Charles takes a nap n sleeps off snake venom like a honey badger, that is definitely an option XD

D) For all the angst fans- please feel free to imagine another ending 0_<

- Perseus