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Etho climbs the ladder up to the school roof access, a few tears in his eyes, not quite falling.
Tonight’s the night of the school dance.
He did not want to go, but his awful mother made him, even knowing he had nobody to go with, nobody to hang out with, and he was in a really bad depressive episode. She did not care about him, or his mental health, more concerned with gambling, and whatever else she did when he was hiding in his room.
A single piece of paper, hastily scrawled out in the gym bathroom while he cried a little, rests in his pocket.
Etho’s finally done, he’s finally going to do it, he’s finally going to end it.
He opens up the roof access hatch, surprisingly finding it unlocked.
He crawls out onto the roof, standing up, quietly shutting the hatch, not wanting to draw attention to himself.
The white haired boy takes a step away from the hatch, adjusting the mask over the lower half of his face, hiding the frown that feels permanent.
“What are you doing up here?”
Etho turns back to the hatch, expecting to see a school approved chaperone from the dance at the hatch, but no one’s there.
He turns to his right and sees a boy laying on the roof, a lit cigarette in his hands, wearing a simple black dress shirt, dress pants, dress shoes and belt, a dark green tie thrown a little behind his head.
Etho looks at him, cocking his head to the side, trying to place where he’s seen the boy before.
“Do you ears work?” the boy says again, taking a drag of the cigarette, puffing out a slow breath of smoke, “What are you doing up here?”
That’s when it clicks, that’s Bdubs, a Jonior, just like Etho, one who sits behind him in maths first thing in the morning (who thought maths first period was a good idea?).
The teen is usually a good kid, Etho’s never seen him smoke, or do drugs, or talk about it, he does not look like he usually does them, but why is he smoking?
“I know you can talk, I’ve heard you talk man.” Bdubs says, rolling his eyes, looking up at the sky, “Why are you not down there dancing?”
“I don’t want to dance.”
Bdubs chuckles, “Same, that’s why I swiped these from Mr. Mitchle’s desk and came up here.” Bdubs says, “I’ve never smoked, but today sounds like a good day to start.”
“What happened?”
“My boyfriend of 2 years decided to cheat on me, and has been.” Bdubs says, a small tear roling down from his eyes, down the side of his head, into his hair line, “I’ve been with Impulse for 2 years, and he decided to break up with me, tonight, at the dance, and then ran off with his new boyfriend.” he says bitterly, “I fucking hate this school.”
They stand there in silence, the only sound the crickets of late May and the muffled sound of music, too loud inside for Etho to handle on a good day.
“So, I’ll ask again,” Bdubs says, “What brought you up here?”
Etho bites his lip, does he really want to tell this boy he’s barely interacted with all his woes?
“I want to kill myself.” Ehto says, hugging himself a little, an ache in his chest when he admits it aloud. The first time ever.
Bdubs takes a slow drag of the cigarette, holding the smoke in for a bit before blowing it out, “Come lay down, the stars look really nice tonight."
Etho blinked, a few tears in his eyes, threatening to spill.
The taller teen sits down next to Bdubs, laying down, looking up at the stars with his mismatched eyes.
“Want one?” Bdubs asks, holding up the pack of cigarettes.
"Aren't those bad for you?”
“So is jumping off the school roof, but if you don’t-”
“Fine.” Etho takes one, and Bdubs holds up a lighter, decorated with a moss like print, lighting the cigarette for Etho.
Etho pulls down his mask, something he barely does in public, and holds the cigarette up to his lips like he’s seen before, like Bdubs does, taking a slow drag of the cigarette, sour smoke filling his lungs, he hates it. He brows out the smoke before taking another drag.
The two of them lay there, their smoke filling the air, making their view of the stars a little hazy.
After a bit, Etho wets his lips, holding the lit cigarette to his left side (the opposite side of his body that Bdubs is laying on), “I hate this school, I hate this town, and I hate my mother.”
Bdubs hums, acknowledging Etho’s words, “Same…except for your mom thing.” he takes another drage of his cigarest, breathing the smoke deep into his lungs, breathing it out in a slow puff, “Impulse was my only friend.” he says, holding his hands up and doing air quotes around firends, “My parents only like by brother because he’s so good at everything he does, meanwhile I just barely pass fucking gym.” he says, “I used to be really good at art and stuff, but then Scar did it, and mom’s like “Oh, his paintins are so beautiful”, meanwhile she discards everything I’v ever given her for mothers day.”
Etho nods, “My mom is a heavy drinker, has been since dad left her.” Etho admits, he’s never talked to anyone about this before, it feels like a weight is being taken off his shoulders, just venting with Bdubs, “Her last boyfriend would hit me, and one, a few before that one, tried to kill me.”
Bdubs roles his head to the side, same as Etho, both of them face each other, and Bdubs looks Etho in the eye, looking at the long scar across his face, seeing it run through his discolored eye, down his cheek to his lip, one of the reasons Etho hides his face with his mask.
Bdubs looks at him with sympathetic eyes, grimacing at the scar, slightly jagged from the serrated kitchen knife.
Etho looks down, away from Bdubs’ big brown eyes, “I sometimes wish he had.” Etho admits, “I hate my life so much. I just want it to stop.”
“I get that.” Bdubs says, “The only thing that had been keeping me wanting to stay was Impulse…”
They both look away from each other, going back to breathing in the sour smoke of their cigarettes.
After another long bit, Bdubs starts talking again, “What if we left this town together?”
“Hmmmn?” Etho turns his head to Bdubs, looking at him.
Bdubs looks at him, “What if, we leave this stupid town as soon as graduation hits. I can pick up a few more shifts over the summer and stuff, and next year, as soon as we get off that damn stage, we head out west, build something for ourselves.”
Etho worries his bottom lip, “I don’t know if I could last that long.”
“I’ll be here for you, I’ll try to help, do you want to at least try?” Bdubs asks.
Etho looks back up at the sky, looking at the stars he thought he would see for the last time, “We can try.”
“Then let’s try together."
-⬘♡⬘♡⬘♡⬘-
Etho thinks back to a pack of cigarettes shared between two teens, over a year ago now as he walks across the stage at graduations.
His mother is not there, she slept in, but Bdubs is there, cheering for him, and like they said, as soon as they throw their caps in the air, Bdubs finds him, and they head out to his car.
Etho throws his duffle bag, filled with anything and everything he’s ever cared about, except for one thing.
That one thing climbs into the driver’s seat, putting the keys in, “Come on, get in the car!” Bdubs shouts to him, loud as ever.
Etho shuts the trunk, walking to the passenger side of the car, getting in and buckling his seatbelt.
They leave their town behind that June. Their town, their families who barely cared they left, and that stupid school.