Chapter Text
Ragatha watches Pomni walk away with Jax. She had just finished the softball adventure and the whole thing had gotten on her nerves. Why did Caine have to make the evil bigtops? Why didn’t he let them play the game out to its end? Why did she hit the ball straight to evil Pomni! She’s supposed to be better than this. She’s supposed to be perfect.
She turns to go find Kinger. He always seems to know how to calm her down even if he’s not fully there all the time. Looking over she spots him walking with Zooble and Gangle, rambling about the massive centipede they saw during the game. She shudders as she’d rather avoid those multi legged monsters and decides to head back to her room instead. Plus, she doesn’t really know how to talk to Gangle and Zooble… Well, she better not.
It’s a silent walk through the hallways to their rooms. She grabs her shoulders, rubbing them slightly to calm herself down. She sighs as she enters her room. The walls are a pale pink with fake-looking pictures hung up all around the walls. Everything in the room looked fake. The whole thing is designed to look like a kids doll house set except everything appears mismatched, like they were sourced from different toy sets. The cold plastic couch is a dark green and next to it is a pink vanity set that seems like it came from a knockoff Barbie set. The chair in front of the vanity is a bright yellow and is made of the same stiff, uncomfortable plastic as the couch. Her bed is the worst. It’s a painted wooden bed that appears like someone had carved it from a tree themselves. It only looked nice, until she realized that the mattress is also made of wood, and the single thin piece of fabric made to serve as a blanket does nothing to help comfort her. She sighs and reluctantly decides to take a seat in the yellow chair.
For what feels like hours she just sits there with her head down on the vanity. She just wants to rest, or sulk, or just exist without the pressure of being watched. When she is out in the circus she has to keep up her act. Always stand tall, always smile, always be polite, never show weakness, never cry. She balls up her hands, pulling her arms around her head. She feels tears trailing down her cheeks and soaking into the plush fabric of her skin. She’s glad she made it back to her room before this happened. She looks up into the mirror atop the vanity and stares into her reflection. This isn’t lady-like. She can’t show weakness. She has to be sweet, she has to be polite. She wants to be kind to the others, but right now she feels so alone. Gazing into the mirror she can’t help but feel she’s doing it wrong again. Tears soak her face and her mouth is shut in a tight line.
“You wanted this didn’t you?” Her mothers voice rings out in her head. “If you’re going to say you’re a woman now then you’re going to do it right.”
Ragatha closes her eyes as the memory flashes in her head.
“You’re lucky I never wanted a son.” The words were said with such vitriol, like a snake spitting venom out of its mouth. Ragatha smiles at the memory. As horrible as her mother had been, she had at the very least accepted her. Now she just has to go on and be the perfect daughter.
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She doesn’t know how much time has passed. They don’t need to sleep in the circus but Ragatha never finds herself sleeping much anyway. Her bed is too uncomfortable and her mind has too many thoughts. She heads out into the hallway, looking to see if anybody was around. She knows Caine will have a new adventure soon, but she wants some more time to herself before that happens. She concludes that it must be early in the morning, because as she makes her way through the circus, she doesn’t encounter anyone else. She pauses, momentarily eyeing Kinger’s pillow fort. She wants to talk to him especially after how stressed she was yesterday, but she instead starts the climb up the stairs to the cafe. She enters the doorway and lets out a sigh of relief when she sees nobody else inside. She walks around the counter, pulling herself a cup of coffee before sitting at the bar. She slumps over it and gently cups her hand around the mug of poorly recreated coffee. The warmth of the mug gives her comfort as she takes sips of the dark liquid. It's bad. It reminds her of diner coffee she had once on a trip away from home. She loved that trip, finally getting a week away from her mother just to exist. She remembers the server coming up to her and calling her “miss”. That small comment had her beaming from ear to ear. It was a genuine smile, not the forced one she wore at home, and this bad coffee always reminded her of the memory.
“Oh, hey,” a voice rings out from behind Ragatha.
Ragatha shoots up, correcting her posture before looking back to see Zooble. They give her a confused look before shaking their head. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I just wanted to make myself something to wake up.”
“Oh, no problem at all Zooble.” Ragatha manages to say. “You just caught me off guard.”
Zooble walks past the counter and switches on a fancy-looking espresso machine. Ragatha never knew how the thing worked, so she stuck to the more traditional coffee maker. Zooble however seems to know exactly what they’re doing. Grinding the beans first, before tamping them down and pulling two shots into glasses. They keep their eyes on their work, pausing momentarily before saying, “you know you don’t have to always keep your guard up.”
It was such a simple sentence, but Ragatha wasn’t expecting it. She has her mug up to her lips, making sure to keep good table manners before she chokes on the liquid, coughing and thumping her fist on her chest. Zooble turns to look at Ragatha as they pour a carton of unlabeled milk into a steaming pitcher. Ragatha quickly composes herself, dabbing some of the coffee off of her dress with a napkin before continuing. “Oh, you know I’m just trying to be polite.” She swings her arm as she says it. “I have to be lady-like, you know.”
Zooble rolls their eyes before turning around to face the machine. They start steaming the milk, and Ragatha winces as the machine responds with a screeching hiss. “F*&k being lady-like,” they say before turning off the steam wand. “S%&t like that always pisses me off.”
Ragatha clutches her arm, laughing awkwardly at the comment. She watches as Zooble gracefully pours the milk into the mug of espresso. “Being lady-like isn’t bad!” She blurts out louder than she meant to.
Zooble finishes the latte art before setting the mug on the counter. Ragatha looks down at it to see a pretty swan drawn into the foam. The sight distracts her before Zooble slams a clawed hand down next to it, causing her to jump. Zooble looks her in the eye, “Being lady-like sucks when you’re being forced to do it.” They sigh, picking up the latte with their normal hand. “I’ve met plenty of women who weren't ‘lady-like’ at all and they all were just fine.”
Ragatha stares at them, unsure of what to say. She’s done something wrong and it upset Zooble. She has to get the situation back into control. She puts on a new smile. “I’m just trying my best to be a real woman.”
Zooble glares at her. “And what exactly does that mean?” They spit out.
Fuck, she’s making it worse. She’s ruining it again. She’s doing it wrong. “I just-! I mean-! There’s no wrong way to be a woman of course! I just want to make sure people know I’m a woman. I have to do it right.” She says, panicking. The words tumble out of her mouth as she stands up. She’s fucking it up again and she’s upset Zooble. Her brain registers her words and she looks up at them. Their eyes are wide as they stare at Ragatha. She stands like a deer in headlights, her hands gripping the sides of her dress. A cold chill runs down her spine. If she could sweat with a digital body, she would be.
“Why would you need people to know-?” is all Zooble can say before Ragatha runs out.