Chapter Text
Statistically speaking, Batman and Superman were on good terms 95% of the time. That 95% was the best of it. 4% of the time they fought, and the remaining 1%... was whatever the hell was going on now.
“I don’t understand what’s happening right now.” Kyle Rayner, one of Hal’s fellow Green Lanterns, whispers,
“Kid, I’ve known them for 23 years and I don’t know what’s happening.” Hal sighs,
They were both in the Control Room at the Watchtower, and had been for the past 15 minutes. In those 15 minutes, Batman had come in, opened a file containing the rotation schedule for monitor duty, and he had changed something. Then he had left. A minute later Superman came, opened the same file changed something and left. This happened for 15 minutes.
“What are they even changing?” Kyle asks, as Batman comes in to change the file again.
“Why don’t we go and find out? I’m getting kinda sick of this.” Hal suggests, they weren’t even closing it anymore.
“Are you sure thats..” Kyle trails off but follows Hal to the computer. Hal looks at the blinking cursor on the rotation schedule they were editing. That’s fucking weird…
“Lanterns. Hey. What are you guys doing here?” Superman appears to their right.
“Superman.. Oh uh we were just..”
“What are you two doing here?” Batman appears on their left.
“We.. I.. uh.. GL?” Kyle pokes Hal in the back looking nervously between World’s Finest.
“We’ve been here for the past 20 minutes watching you two.” Hal replies dryly. He closes the screen. “Now the real question here is why the hell you two keep switching who’s going on monitor duty with Nightwing tomorrow.”
“They’re what?” Kyle blinks,
“They keep switching each other’s names out. That’s what they’ve been deleting and retyping.” Hal says,
“But… why?” Kyle asks innocently.
“Yeah. Why?” Hal repeats when neither Superman or Batman respond.
“I think you need to start paying more attention to your city then what we’re doing.” Batman retorts,
That was the most obvious deflection on the face of the planet. Hal was not impressed. He just rolls his eyes behind his mask.
“Fine, be weird about it. I locked the file so you can’t keep changing it though.” Hal says, “Come on.. Let's—”
“Who was the last name?” Batman interrupts,
“Why do you care so much?” Hal retorts, giving him a weird look. “It was Superman. Now come on, let’s go.” He tugs Kyle out of the room. Neither of them see the smug grin Superman sends Batman. They also don’t see Batman flipping him off in response.
Barry, who had been running on too much coffee and too many sleepless nights, couldn’t be too sure about what he saw. He had to recheck camera footage to, in fact, realise that he was not hallucinating.
He had been exiting Wally’s room and heading to his own at the Watchtower to crash when he saw Superman walk by. Superman, being Superman, stopped to talk. Barry for the life of him couldn’t remember what the conversation was about. All he really remembered was what Superman had been carrying. Superman had been carrying Nightwing—one of Wally’s best friends, Bludhaven’s resident vigilante, leader of the Titans, and overall badass hero. Superman was CARRYING him. In a full-ass bridal carry.
Barry does recall deliriously wondering when Superman and Nightwing got that close. Especially since the vigilante was asleep. There had been more words exchanged, the only thing Barry remembered was that Superman said he was going to “put this one to bed”, as if Nightwing was his kid or something, and then Superman had walked a bit farther down the hall to his room. Barry had watched him go in and then exit.
He wasn’t exactly sure when the next half happened. Time was practically meaningless to him since he was touched by the speed force. It could’ve been 5 minutes or 1 hour later when Batman came by. (Based on the camera footage, it was 6 minutes later).
Batman, in contrast, didn’t say a word to Barry beyond a simple acknowledgement of “Flash”. Then Barry watched as Batman broke into Superman’s room, took a bundle of blankets out, and left. Barry was 99% sure he was hallucinating. The other 1% was positive that the bundle of blankets was Nightwing. Turns out the 1% was right.
1 week later...
“Does anybody else think this is starting to get out of hand?” Hal asks, they were sitting in Titans Tower waiting for Donna to come so that they could leave for their mission.
“I think it’s been out of hand for the past two weeks now,” Oliver replies tersely.
“I don’t know what you two are talking about. This is perfectly normal.” Diana replies, Oliver and Hal look away from the scene to give Diana a “look”.
“What exactly about this is normal?” Hal exclaims, gesturing to the scene in front of them.
The scene, in question was, to nobody’s surprise, Batman and Superman, fighting over Nightwing. Again.
“I was here first!” Superman argues,
“Sparring against you is completely pointless for him!” Batman retorts,
“How? You’re the one who always says he should be prepared for anything!” Superman scowls,
“He IS prepared for everything. He doesn’t need to spar you first to prove that.” Batman replies hotly.
“You know that we have enough time for both of you to spar me right?” Nightwing looks mildly amused.
“Actually we don’t have enough time. WE need to be on that mission.” Batman replies,
“What mission?” Superman asks incredulously.
“The.. mission in Star City.” Batman says,
“Never thought I’d see the day Batman lied out of his ass so badly.” Oliver hums,
“There’s no mission is there.” Hal sighs,
“Nope.” Oliver replies,
The 3 of them continue to watch.
“You are SUCH a fucking liar.” Superman snaps,
“I’m not lying. Come on Nightwing, we have to leave.” Batman starts walking out.
“He doesn’t WANT to go with you. He wants to stay and spar with me.” Superman replies stubbornly.
“Jesus christ it’s like they’ve regressed to toddlers.” Hal groans,
Nightwing looked horribly confused. The kid never seemed to realize that Batman and Superman were fighting about him.
“Look guys.. I’m sure there’s a way to..” Nightwing’s comm rings. He picks it up, and mutters something that the 3 of them can’t hear. Once he’s done he just sighs. “Sorry guys. Raincheck for both. I have to meet Tempest about something.”
“I’ll drop you off!” Superman exclaims, and before Nightwing, or Batman can say anything the duo is gone. Batman seems stunned for a beat. Frozen.
“The fucking audacity.” Batman grumbles, and then he stalks away. There was silence.
“You really want us to believe that, that’s fucking normal?” Hal exclaims,
Diana doesn’t even look up from her phone. “Yeah, they get like that sometime.”
“Get like what?” Oliver asks,
“Competitive.” Diana replies,
“Competitive over what?? Nightwing? What does he even have to do with either of them?” Hal demands,
Diana doesn’t respond, just smiles knowingly.
Hal and Oliver exchange looks and leave her, she wasn’t going to tell them anything. Once Donna came Diana would text them. They both needed a snack.
“You know… I don’t think I’ve ever seen Batman get this invested in his actual kids before…” Hal says as they walk.
“Yeah. Me neither.” Oliver replies,
“What did Diana mean about them being competitive?” Hal asks,
“Beats me. She’s the one that knows their real identities. Maybe they’re just as competitive as civilians.” Oliver shrugs,
“Yeah but competitive over WHAT? Nightwing? A whole adult person? Seriously?” Hal looks skeptical.
“Are you saying that you wouldn’t take 5 nights of monitor duty with Batman to get 1 with Nightwing?” Oliver asks, Hal opens his mouth, thinks, and shuts it again. “Exactly. Nightwing’s just… he’s just lovable.”
“Okay yeah… I get that.. But it’s still kinda weird..” Hal replies,
“Yeah. Especially since he doesn’t notice it.” Oliver sighs,
“I thought he was just ignoring it.” Hal frowns,
“Oh trust me. He’s not ignoring it. He’s just fucking oblivious.” Oliver sounds done with his life.
“He’s a vigilante?! How the hell can he be THAT oblivious?” Hal asks incredulously.
“Fuck if I know but he is.” Oliver replies,
“How can you be so sure about that?”
“Because of what happened last week.”
“What happened last week?”
“Now that’s a story…”
1 week ago...
The Quiver. Oliver's base of operations.
Nightwing was the reason that Roy ever came to the Quiver. Oliver was sure of that because any other time Roy would staunchly avoid his base of operations. The only time he ever came was when Nightwing was with him.
“Hey boys, long night?” Oliver asks,
“Just the usual Uncle Arrow.” Nightwing grins sunnily.
“Jesus christ Wing. Tone it down. You're exhausted.” Roy sighs, tugging Nightwing down onto the couch next to him. The vigilante goes without any other resistance, curling into Roy’s side like an affectionate cat. Roy, for once, doesn’t push him away like he does with literally everybody else.
“How’s your day been Uncle Arrow?” Nightwing asks, more subdued than earlier.
“Same old. Same old.” Oliver shrugs, it warmed a part of his heart whenever Nightwing called him Uncle. It was sweet to know that the young prodigy saw him as an uncle-figure.
“That’s his way of saying he did nothing but file stuff.” Roy snickers,
“Oh yeah? And what were you two up to that was so interesting?” Oliver retorts,
“WE stopped multiple bank robberies at once.” Roy grins,
“We took down the main guy who’s been orchestrating the robberies.” Nightwing corrects,
“It leads to us stopping multiple robberies.”
“Robberies that haven’t happened yet.”
“Exactly! So we stopped them!” Roy exclaims, Nightwing bursts out laughing, Roy joins him. Oliver’s face twitches into a smile. It’s nice when Nightwing’s here. I wonder if Roy will offer for him to stay the night… The Quiver had spare rooms for when the League ever had to stay. But Roy never used them for his friends. Not like Red Hood or any of the Bats did with Batman’s cave.
“You wanna head to my apartment?” Roy asks, There we go.
“No!”
“Why not?”
“You have no food there, and I’m starving.” Nightwing whines,
“If you want there’s—” Oliver gets interrupted by a lower, almost gravelly voice.
“No need. I brought you dinner.” Batman, the Dark Knight of Gotham, Mr. Vengeance himself, materializes in the room. Oliver and Roy’s shrieks could’ve been heard from mars.
“Wha… Batman… How.. .how the fuck..” Oliver stutters,
Nightwing hops up from the sofa, easily pushing away Roy's limp arm that was around his shoulder.
“Aww thanks! You didn’t have to!” Nightwing’s smile could rival a thousand suns. As Oliver recovers from his honest-to-god heart attack, he realises that Batman is holding a bag, with a delicious smell coming out of it. What. The. Genuine. Fuck.
Oliver gapes as Nightwing takes the bag and looks inside of it.
“Oh my god! Lasagna!!” Nightwing cheers,
Oliver looks at Roy. Roy looks a little stunned but seemed to be recovering much faster than Oliver. WHY is he not more shocked??? Why the fuck is Nightwing not questioning this??
“Nightwing. There’s a new ice cream shop that opened up a few doors down. How about dessert?” Superman shows up,
Oliver’s jaw is on the fucking ground. Where the FUCK did he come from???
“Supes! Hey! Of course! We can go after Roy and I eat this delicious lasagna Batman brought.” Nightwing replies easily. Is… does he… does he not… Oliver looks over at Roy, hoping for some semblance of sanity. Am I in a fucking dream? Roy actually didn’t seem surprised at all. To Oliver’s confusion Roy was grinning and looked like he was fighting back laughter with every ounce of willpower he had.
“Yeah.. the.. The delicious lasagna.” Roy coughs,
Except Batman and Superman completely ignore him. They just stand there, glaring at eachother. How the hell did they even get here??
“You sure you don’t want to get Ice Cream FIRST kiddo?” Superman turns and asks Nightwing kindly.
“He needs to eat first.” Batman snaps,
“Come on Batman. Every good kid gets dessert before dinner.” Superman grins sharply. Kid? He’s like 25??
Wait… how did they know Wing would be here? Lasagna? Ice Cream? Why is Nightwing not more concerned about this?
“Nah. I gotta eat this warm.” Nightwing says practically drooling. Superman’s face shutters in irritation, the closest thing to mirth crosses Batman’s face. Does Nightwing really not realize?
“Roy and I’ll eat while you guys have your meeting. Then we can get Ice Cream Supes.” Nightwing replies, he takes the lasagna and with Roy following behind him they leave. “Have a good meeting Uncle Arrow!”
What fucking meeting?
Present Day...
“And then what happened?” Hal asks,
“Then they just fucking left! Not a single word!” Oliver exclaims,
“No explanation? Nothing?”
“Nothing! They just glared at each other and left!’
“Holy shit…. No wonder you’re saying he’s oblivious.” Hal shakes his head in disbelief.
“Who's oblivious?” Donna appears,
“You guys NEED to start announcing your arrivals with your footsteps.” Hal clutches his jackrabbiting heart.
“What do you want me to do? Stomp?” Donna gives them a look.
“Where's Diana?” Oliver asks,
“Bathroom. Now who's oblivious?” Donna asks,
“Nightwing.” Hal replies, Donna seems to understand what he's talking about because she just chuckles.
“Oh so you guys noticed it too?”
“EVERYONE'S noticed it.” Oliver exclaims,
“Yeah they're not being subtle. At all.” Hal deadpans,
“They've always been like that.” Donna replies,
“Who? Batman and Superman? Or Nightwing?” Oliver asks,
“All 3 of them. Wing's too oblivious to know his effect on people. He just reflects back the affection he's given.” Donna replies,
“Yeah. We know that. But why do Batman and Superman suddenly care about him so much?” Hal asks,
Donna gives them an odd look. “Suddenly? They've always cared about him that much.”
Oliver and Hal exchange looks. What? Hal opens his mouth to ask a question but Diana appears.
“Ready?” Diana asks,
“Of course D.” Donna replies with a smile. The conversation is dropped, but not forgotten.
This time when it happens Barry's awake, alert, and there's another witness there for Batman and Superman's insanity.
“You know one of you two should just stay here permanently.” Nightwing grins, they had stopped by a hotdog stand to fuel up. Nightwing was done eating his. Wally was done too but Barry could still eat another.
“Dude I love you.. but you couldn't pay me to live here.” Wally chuckles,
“Yeah sorry kid.” Barry agrees,
Nightwing just grins and keeps talking. Barry finishes his hotdog and the 3 of them go back up to the rooftop.
The afternoon sun was starting to come down in the evening now.
“I’m surprised you're out during the day. Thought nighttime was more your thing.” Barry says casually. He was curious about the younger vigilante. Nightwing, though well-known, and well-loved. Was almost as mysterious as Batman. Barry would argue he was MORE mysterious than Batman. They at least knew about Batman's kids! They didn't know a thing about Wing's family!
“Yeah well I just needed help for this. Since you two are free during the day I just did it then.” Nightwing shrugs,
“You could've asked me for help. I'm out during the day too.” A new, miffed voice joins their conversation. Wally nearly phases through the building they're on, Barry whirls around and freezes. What the?
“Superman. Hey. I thought you were out of country.” Nightwing turns with a smile, not even remotely startled.
“I wasn't out of country. I was right here.” Superman scowls,
“Pretty sure your file said you were out of country.” Nightwing replies,
“But—”
“No he's right. It does say you're out of the country. What are you doing here?” Batman materializes on the rooftop.
“What am I doing here? What are YOU doing here? Last time I checked Gotham was on the other side of the bay.” Superman snaps,
“He's patrolling with me tonight.” Nightwing pipes up,
“He's WHAT?” Superman shrieks,
“What. Is. Happening?” Barry whispers to Wally.
“Shush. Its getting good.” Wally whispers back,
Batman completely ignores Superman's outburst and instead focuses on Nightwing.
“You didn't have to call the speedsters. We could've just handled it tonight.” Batman says, it was probably the most Barry had heard Batman speak, well the most that wasn't an order or an insult that is.
“Yeah but I wanted to get it wrapped up and they were free. Don't worry there's still plenty to do tonight.” Nightwing says reassuringly.
“Well since there's so much… why don't I help out instead?” Superman offers, Barry sees something petty in Superman's eyes. Batman looks like he wants to scream obscenities at the kryptonian. “I mean… what about Gotham Batman?” Was that… was Superman being condescending?
“You don't need to mess up your sleep schedule, Supes.” Nightwing buts in, he was looking at his comm. Not remotely cognisant of the fact that Batman and Superman looked like they were about to jump each other.
“Yeah we all know you need your beauty sleep to look decent in the morning.” Batman smirks, honest-to-god smirks.
“Oh my god…” Wally wheezes into his hand.
“Why are you laughing? Do something! Or should I do something?” Barry hisses,
“No… no wait.” Wally snorts,
“You need to stay in your lane Batman.” Superman scowls,
“Says the guy who's supposed to be out of the country helping people.” Batman retorts dryly.
“WHO SAID I WAS OUT OF THE COUNTRY?” Superman shouts,
Wally howls, letting go of any pretense of normalcy.
“You know Superman, you really should check your schedule more often. It changes a lot.” Batman sounded smug, what the fuck does THAT mean?
A beat passes. Did… did Batman change Superman's schedule… excuse me WHAT.
“Is that your way of saying you have all of our schedules memorized? You really have nothing better to do with your time do you.” Nightwing sighs, looking fond but exasperated. Is… is this normal? I don't think it is… why.. why is Nightwing not more… more..
“You.. you oh my god…” Superman's jaw drops as he seems to have the same realization Barry has.
“Come on Nightwing. The sooner we start patrolling, the quicker we can wrap it up.” Batman ignores Superman entirely.
“You're staying for breakfast right?” Nightwing sounds hopeful.
Barry entirely expects Batman to say no.
“Of course I am.”
What the genuine....
“Waste of breakfast in my opinion.” Superman mutters, oh my god.
“You wanna come with us?” Nightwing asks, no way he just….
Batman's face does something complicated.
“Of course I would.” Superman grins, an evil glint in his eye. Batman clenches his fist and looks like he wants to actively throw Superman off of the roof they were on.
“Come on Nightwing. Let's go.” Batman turns, and shoots his grapple out.
“Alright. See ya guys!” Nightwing waves, and jumps off after him.
There was silence. Barry opens his mouth to ask Superman what the fuck just happened… only to realize Superman was gone too.
“What the hell just happened?” Barry says to no one in particular.
“You.. you just witnessed a deadass custody battle.” Wally wheezes,