Work Text:
“Oh, so that's how it is, huh? You're just going to turn the blame on me, like you always do! If you just took responsibility for once in your fucking life-”
Nom had his palms pressed over his younger sister's ears.
Nom and Katie sat on his bed as she doodled with a little sticker-plastered notebook. She was twelve years old, two younger than him, and mature for her age, but no child should have to hear the yelling that carried clearly up the stairs.
It had become a routine at this point, where the moment the voices started to get loud, Katie would run to Nom’s room so that she didn't have to hear anything.
Nom wished he could block it out as well, but he could take it as long as it meant protecting Katie.
His sister shifted slightly in his lap, pausing her doodling to stick the end of her pencil in her mouth and suck on it as she pondered the art. If it was any other time, Nom would tell her she was being gross. Far too often he'd pick up a soggy pencil, but now he let her do it, continuing to stroke her red hair with his thumbs.
“You're not listening to me, goddamnit! Just calm down and stop overreacting and maybe you'd realize that I'm not some horrible fucking villain you seem to think I am!”
Nom winced at his father's harsh words. His parents had been arguing for weeks now, over everything from the birth of their own children to the way they load the dishwasher. It'd gotten to the point where it felt like they were just arguing for the sake of arguing.
I wish they'd just divorce already, Nom thought bitterly.
It was a cruel thing to wish for, but Nom couldn't see a way they'd ever repair their marriage with how much they seemed to hate each other. He just wanted it to be over already. He just wanted some semblance of normalcy back. Not to walk in the house after school and find his parents red faced in the kitchen, screaming bloody murder.
He looked down at Katie's drawing and smiled a little at the crude drawing of what had to be her, sitting on a horse with a shield and helmet. Her little face looked happy and carefree, the way Nom hoped she'd always be in real life. As much as they may fight, Katie was really all he had left these days.
“I never said you were a villain, Paul, I said you were prioritizing the wrong things and fucking up the kids future!”
“What, by being a better parent than you? If you hate that so much, why do you never take them out?”
“Because I have to work? I can't just laze around all day, unlike somebody!”
His dad's voice quieted a little, sounding tired and pleading.
“Could we please just stop this nonsense, Maria? I'm sick of this back-and-forth crap. Besides, one of us needs to start on dinner or it's takeout again.”
His mum muttered something he couldn't hear, and his dad hissed something back, before they eventually fell into silence, the noise being replaced by the sound of the extractor fan and the sizzling of a pan.
Nom let out a sigh of relief and removed his hands. Katie looked around in surprise, having been completely immersed in her art. “Are they finished?” She said in an uncharacteristically small voice. Nom shrugged.
“For now, at least. They're making us dinner.”
“I'm glad they didn't forget again.” Katie said lightly, poking her tongue out as she erased a couple of scratchy lines and redrew them neater. Nom just nodded. What else was there to say?
He ruffled her hair before prising himself out from under her and stretching his legs from their kneeling position. One of his knees popped and Katie giggled.
“Old man.”
Nom let out a theatrical gasp of indignation. “You take that back!”
Katie slowly closed her sketchbook and set it aside, along with her damp pencil. “What if I say no? After all… you are pretty old. Want me to check for gray hairs?”
“Ohhhhh, that's it!” Nom didn't give her a chance to react before he tackled her backwards and ruthlessly tickled her.
“You meanie! It's not fair that you're bigger!” She whined, squirming and trying to get away. Nom responded with a playful jab in the side, causing her to let out a shriek of laughter.
“Rahhh! Let me up!” And with that, she twisted her head and bit onto his arm. Nom jumped back at the pain, allowing her to wiggle out of his grasp and flee from his room, squealing in victory.
“You left your sketchbook!” Nom called across the hallway. “It'd be a real shame if I looked through it!”
“If you do, I'll stab you in your sleep!” Katie called cheerfully. Nom knew the threat wasn't entirely false, she was certainly determined enough to follow through.
He sighed in defeat and examined the red bite mark on his arm with a grimace. Dirty rotten sister.
~~
Two months later.
~~
Nom was playing Pokemon on his Switch when he heard his mum's voice calling up the stairs. “Katie! Nom! Could you come down here for a minute?”
Nom reluctantly set aside the Switch as a sour feeling pooled in his gut. Was this the day his parents finally confessed that they were divorcing? He pulled on his favourite hoodie—the window in the living room had shattered when his mum threw a book through it one day and hadn't been repaired yet—and trudged down the stairs.
“Why don't you sit down, sweetie?” His mum said to him when he reached the bottom, pulling out a chair with a scrape of finality. There was no hiding from this.
Katie sat down beside him a minute later, looking solemn and sad. They both knew what was coming.
Maria and Paul were standing at the other end of the table. Nom's dad was straight-backed and expressionless while his mum had watery eyes.
“Katie, darling,” his mum started, “I'm not sure how much you know about what happens to married people who fall out of love, but-”
“-I know all about it,” Katie cut her off, “I've been Googling stuff.”
There was no beating around the bush anymore. The two siblings had been acting like nothing was wrong every time they were called down after a fight, and the adults did the same. It was an awful dance of “who's going to break the ice first?” until Katie was brave enough to finally say something.
“Oh.” Their mum blinked, before nodding.
“That's very smart of you. Well, anyways, that's what's happened between your dad and I. Which means… we won't be living together anymore.”
Katie nodded from next to him, and Nom did the same. After a moment of silence, when it became clear one of them had to speak, Nom said the question he'd been wondering about for over a month.
“So, what happens to us?”
“That's going to be your decision.” His dad spoke up, looking at them both. “You're big kids, you're strong. You deserve to choose who you want to stay with.”
Nom felt himself freeze, panic flooding his veins. What? He'd have to pick who to live with?
“But what about, like, every week we go to a different house?” Katie asked, looking just as panicked. The adults shared a look.
“I know you've heard us fight. We don't want to do that anymore, which is why we're divorcing. We don't want to see each other so we can't argue. And that's impossible if we have to keep taking you kids to each other's house.”
Nom let out a huff of breath. That sounded a little bit selfish to him, but who was he to know?
“Do we have to pick right now?” He asked desperately, needing time to think and to clear his head before he could make such a huge decision.
“Of course you do.” His dad said, giving him a soft, sympathetic smile. “You can have the whole night and rest of the evening to decide. But your mother is moving out to a new place in the morning, as soon as she’s done packing, so you'll need to choose by then.”
Katie whimpered in the chair next to his, and he leaned against her shoulder reassuringly for a moment before standing up.
“Fine.”
Nom had so many more words boiling inside him, demanding to be let out. But he squashed them all down and left the room before he broke and started to shout, or worse, cry.
~~
He laid awake for many hours that night. He didn't want his family to split apart like this. He wished everything could go back to the way it was when he and Katie were young.
Only a couple of months ago he'd lived a relatively normal life. His parents had seemed to love each other. And now he was forced into picking which parent he wanted to live with more? That felt all kinds of fucked up.
He wanted to talk to his sister and see what she was thinking. Almost the second the thought crossed his mind, the door opened and Katie slipped in, wearing her red pajamas with little cats on them. Nom had the matching set: blue with dogs.
“Hey fart-face.” She said, but without any actual hostility.
Nom patted the spot next to him on the bed soundlessly. She closed the door behind her, shutting off the stream of light from the hallway and returning the room to dark that was only lit by the glow of the moon through the window.
“So, who are you gonna pick?” Nom said quietly, not wanting to break the peacefulness between them.
“I dunno…” Katie wriggled under the blankets and looked up at the ceiling, hair fanning out around her.
Nom ran a hand through his dark brown hair with a long sigh.
“It's so stupid that we have to pick.” He groaned. “I just wish we could still see them both.”
Katie let out a hum of agreement.
“Personally though… because Mum is leaving and Dad is staying, I feel like maybe we should just stay with him? We've lived here all our life, and I'm sure we could take the bus to Mum’s or something.”
Now that he'd said it out loud, it solidified the idea in his head that this was the right choice. For him, it wasn't about picking a “better” parent. It was about what he knew and could trust.
He knew this house. And the only one he trusted was Katie.
Katie said nothing at first, but when he looked over at her she gave a small nod.
“Yeah, that makes sense.” She sounded unsure though.
Nom could understand. None of this felt right. This was one of the rare moments where he wished his parents would see him as a kid, and not someone mature enough to make this decision.
He wished he didn't have the final say.
~~
Nom had hoped when he woke up the next morning that he’d realize it had all been a bad dream. That he'd walk down the stairs and find that the past month of his life had been nothing but a nightmare conjured up from the worst parts of his brain.
When he rolled over to put his glasses on, however, he saw the small red-headed figure of his sleeping sister curled next to him, and knew it had to be real. Katie only ever crawled into bed with him if something had happened to scare or upset her.
Careful, now, to not wake her, as he was keen to let her drift in some unconscious world hopefully better than the one they were living in, he pulled on his glasses and slipped out of bed, woolen-clad feet resting on the hardwood floor with barely a sound.
He cracked open the curtains, looking out over the view of the neighbouring houses. The sun was just beginning to peak over the slate gray rooftops in the distance, so it was probably around six A.M. Early. He figured that the stress of the previous day was bound to bite him in the ass somehow.
He pulled out his desk chair and sunk into it, ruffling up his hair and wiping the sleep out from under his spectacles before pulling a book and starting to read with the curtain cracked a smidge. He still had a little time before his sister awoke and they were called downstairs.
~~
“Nom?”
He looked up from his chapter. Katie was awake and sitting up, hair in tangled curls and a confused look on her face.
“Are we really going to have to pick?”
“Yeah.” He muttered, closing his book and standing up.
“I'm not happy about it, either.” He added when Katie let out a huff of disappointment.
“I do like that we get to choose.” She said after a second, as she pulled herself out of bed and unstuck a lock of hair from her cheek.
“Really? I kinda hate it.”
“You don't like feeling independent?” She said curiously.
“What? C'mon, you know me. Of course I do. I just- I dunno… this is such a big decision. It makes me feel like an adult, and I'm not ready to be one.”
Nom picked his favourite hoodie off the desk chair, the black, red, and gold one, with embroidery to make it look like knights armor. He'd saved up for 6 months to afford it with his meager pocket money, and Katie had been begging for one ever since. The inside was lined, making it perfect to wear when he needed a bit of comfort.
“Yeah, but.. isn't it better than being treated like a little kid?” Katie wondered.
“I s’pose.” Nom said non-committally. He got where Katie was coming from, he was always wanting to be able to take control of his own life, do what he wanted, but still…
“This is stupid and dumb.” He mumbled under his breath as he pulled the hoodie over his pajama top, Katie huffed out a breath of laughter.
“Mhm. I'm gonna go hang out in my own room for a bit, before breakfast. Bye.” Katie slipped open his door and tiptoed out, careful to avoid the creaky plank as she closed it again, before heading to her own space.
Nom wasn't quite sure what to do with himself now. He'd made his choice: stay in this house, stay with his dad. He was scared that the more he thought about it, the more he'd overcomplicate it in his head and start second guessing himself. Better to just pretend that it wasn't happening. An I-can't-see-you-you-can’t-see-me situation.
He settled for sitting back on the edge of the bed and watching the houses outside the window slowly flicker into life.
Seeing curtains open and people begin to walk their dogs or drive to work helped him feel a little better. If this could be a normal day for all these other people, he could try to make the most of his own day.
He wondered what his friends were up to right now. He didn't have that many, just a couple kids in his class and Graecie, a girl a year older than him who he’d grown up beside. They were probably just waking up, or maybe sleeping in. It was Saturday after all, what reason did they have to be up early?
With the town of Bannerfall’s notable history of short lived mayors that always ended in horrible accidents, more and more people had moved away. The place probably only had around 2,800-3,000 permanent residents now, most of which were familiar with each other. There were only so many places that one could hang out: the beach, the park, or the recreation grounds, which held all the sporting teams and events. It was where Katie and Nom did fencing classes too.
What the town did have, however, were a large number of stray dogs that liked to wander the backstreets and beg for scraps.
When Nom was old enough to walk home from primary school by himself, he was a little wary of them, but he quickly learned if you fed them your lunchbox leftovers, they'd quickly become your friend.
He liked to hang out with them sometimes, even if it meant facing a reprimand for coming home late. They were always kind to him because they knew he was kind in return. They wouldn't abandon him.
~~
“Morning, kiddo,” His dad passed him a plate of scrambled eggs on toast. A lot nicer than what he usually had for breakfast. “How'd you sleep?”
Nom gave him a long look as he accepted the plate and slumped into his chair. Waking up early, coupled with the crippling stress of his parents divorce, he hadn't slept all that great. Wow, what a surprise.
He knew that logically, giving his mum and dad the silent treatment wouldn't change a thing, but it helped smooth the imaginary hackles that would otherwise be raised, ready to snap.
Katie had evidently already eaten, and was now hunched over the table with her book, scribbling down something. It looked like writing, but at this angle he couldn't see what.
His mum was nowhere to be seen. She was probably upstairs, packing her bags. Any trinkets and decorations on the bottom floor that belonged to her had already been stripped away.
The kitchen and dining rooms looked so bare and cold. Nom might've shivered if he weren't wearing the hoodie.
He took a couple bites of egg and toast. The bread was buttered and the egg was fluffy, but it sat heavily in his stomach. He wasn't one to turn down a meal, but knowing that it was pity food, and likely a subtle way to convince him to stay soured the taste.
Then there was the sound of someone coming down the stairs. And as Nom and Katie looked up, their mum came into the room. He was definitely glad he hadn't had the appetite to finish his meal now. He felt nauseous.
“Hey, darlings.” His mum ruffled Katie's hair before seating herself next to her. Katie barely reacted; she just curled her arms more tightly around her book to shield it from view, and continued writing.
If their mum was disappointed by the lack of a greeting, she didn't show it.
His dad joined them, sitting on the other side of the table near Nom.
There was silence for a long moment. It was only broken when Katie finally closed her sketchbook and set down her pencil. That seemed to spark a reaction out of their parents.
His dad cleared his throat and shared a look with his mum before speaking up.
“So… I understand that this is a huge choice for the two of you to make at this age. But we stand by the belief that you two deserve to decide.”
He paused, adjusted his silver glasses, and continued, voice heavy.
“So, Nominal, would you like to say who you're going to stay with?”
Nom fidgeted with the cuff of his hoodie. Last chance to change your mind.
But he didn't want to.
“Katie and I were talking last night,” he started, sharing a glance with his sister, “and we thought about the fact that we don't know the house that Mum is moving to. But we know this house. We know all the hiding spots and the best way to get to school and that it's our home. So I want to stay here.”
And so does Katie. He added internally, but she deserved to say it herself.
He refused to look at his mother as he spoke, looking down at the table, as if the wood grain was suddenly the most interesting thing in the world.
There was a faint sigh of relief from his dad's side of the table.
“... And you, Katie?”
Katie didn't respond.
She was looking down at the cover of her book. Locks of her long red hung over her face, shielding it from Nom’s view.
“Katie?” He said, a little nervously. They'd agreed. They were both going to stay together. They were going to stay with their dad. That's what they chose. Why wasn't she responding?
“Nom…”
The words came out as barely a whisper from her lips, and they sounded like she was on the verge of tears.
No.
No.
“Nom, please… please try to understand me.”
“Understand what, exactly?” Nom demanded, feeling his voice rise in desperation. This couldn't be happening.
“Please, Nom. I don't want you to get upset. I want- I need.. just listen. Please.”
“Oh, I'm listening all right. You want to abandon me. Abandon us.”
His eyes were beginning to sting, burning with hurt and betrayal.
“No! You don't get it! I can't live here anymore, I can't. It's not about you!”
“Then what is it about?” He yelled in frustration, vision blurring briefly.
Katie finally turned to look at him, and tears were steaming down her cheeks.
“It's this house, Nom. Every single day it just gets worse and worse. Don't you remember when we were little?”
“You're still little!”
“No! I mean when I was even younger, when I was four.. remember that?”
Nom reluctantly nodded, unsure where this was going.
“Remember having good food? And a warm bed at night? Remember when our parents used to tuck us in and read us bedtime stories? When they would leave little notes in our lunchboxes for daycare?”
She was acting like their parents weren't even in the room, and Nom was happy doing the same. This wasn't about them anymore.
He thought back to those days. His early years were a bit of a blur now, but if he tried really hard to recall, those things all sounded familiar. Almost more like a nice dream he used to have.
“Yeah? I guess I kinda remember.” Katie was two years younger than Nom. It was crazy that she still recalled those things so well.
“And how long has it been since we had any of that?”
“Well- Katie, we're not toddlers anymore.”
“So? Did we have to deserve basic things like warmth and good food?”
“Yeah, but… our parents are busier now, or something.”
“Oh, don't tell me you really believe that. They've hated each other a lot longer than a few weeks. You were just too thick to notice.”
He bristled. “You're the one who came to me every time they fought. I comforted you.”
“You're making this about you again! My point is that this house isn't the safe haven for me like it apparently is for you. I've been pretending since before I could read. I guess I was good enough to fool you too.”
She wiped away her tears with shaky hands.
“I hate it here, Nom. I hate it. I need to leave.” Katie's eyes were rimmed red, pleading with him to understand.
“Please, let me leave.”
Nom's breath was hitching in his throat. No. No no no no no nonono. He'd done so much to try and give his sister the best childhood he could. He'd shielded her from the darker parts that he didn't like to even admit to himself.
He'd thought he'd protected her. But he'd failed.
She'd caught on. Known for years, as it turns out. She knew that they'd never had a perfect, idyllic family. She'd been miserable all along, and he'd only helped fuel her misery.
Had trying to pretend that everything was fine just made it worse? Living in a house where everyone pretended to be normal, when secretly it was falling apart?
A tear rolled down his cheek.
“Katie, I-”
But he didn't know what to say.
“I'm sorry. But, if you stay with me, I promise to protect you better.”
He said eventually.
Katie sniffed and raised her head to meet his eyes. Why did she look like that?
“What the hell are you talking about?”
Nom was taken back. “What?”
“I mean,” she gestures at him, “I just told you that my life here has sucked, and that's your response? “Stay here?” Why are you being so- so selfish?”
“Me? Selfish? You're being crazy, Katie. I'm doing this all for you. Every fucking thing that I do is all for you!”
“Nom-” his mother started warningly, but she was interrupted by Katie.
“If that's what you've convinced yourself you're doing, then you're the one who's crazy. You just want something to cling onto so you can pretend everything's fine. That something is me, and I'm sick of it, Nom! I hate being in your shadow!”
Nom would've rather Katie slapped him.
“I don't get it.” Nom whispered.
“I was helping you. I was! Why are you being so- so ungrateful?!”
“I've made my choice. Just let me go. It's not like you'll never see me again. Wait- why don't you come with me? If you miss me that much, just do that!”
But Nom was already shaking his head.
“No. I made my choice to stay here. You were the one who went behind my back and changed your mind. I thought we did everything together… but I guess not. I'm not coming with you. You can stay with me, or go. And don't expect me to visit. I'm not a fan of traitors.”
“You're unbelievable.” Katie hisses at him. “You never listen. Ugh, what's the point anymore. I'm glad I'm leaving.”
Nom couldn't take it anymore.
“Fine. I guess I can't stop you.”
“Good. Because I'm already packed. That's what I was doing this morning.”
“You what? How- when- when did you decide to leave? Was it always your plan? Were you just lying to me the entire night?”
Katie's pause says everything.
“I just- I wanted one last night where we could be siblings. I'm sorry I lied.”
“No. If you were sorry you'd stay.” Nom pointed at her sketchbook.
“So what were you writing in there earlier? More ways you could stab me in the back?”
Katie put a hand protectively on the cover of the book.
“No! I… I was just… writing a note.”
“A note? For who?”
“.. You.”
“... Well, can I see?”
“Not anymore! Not because you're being so horrible to me!”
“But it's a note for me! Let me see!”
Nom tried to grab the book, but Katie was holding fast. The result was that it was flipped open onto the very first page.
Katie and Nom
Age 5 and 7
It was the drawing that they'd done together, each doodling their own little stick figure, holding hands.
He could've laughed at the irony.
“Let go, Nom!” Katie yelled at him, fresh tears on her face. But Nom couldn't, wouldn't, do it.
“Not until you show me the note!”
“Nom, let go, son.” His father cautioned from beside him, speaking up at last. Nom ignored him.
He pulled harder, determined to make Katie lose her grip.
And the page ripped.
Nom was thrown back, holding half of the doodle. His own stick-figure face looked blankly at him.
He felt sick all of a sudden. The bad feeling in his gut had increased a hundred fold. What had he just done?
Katie was sat still and shocked, holding the book with the other half of the drawing. Slowly, she turned to look at him.
“See, Nom? You ruin everything.”