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Spock would never have expected it, even though he surely should've in hindsight and knowing the man before him.
It had been some time since they first partnered and more time still since the incident with V’ger, though it's always seemed odd to phrase it in those terms as they just mutually acknowledged what had already been present for many years. Kirk lounged on the bed as Spock still prepared for sleep, the evening having already been spent, talking about the day's gossip and the endless things they usually do at this hour when the conversation turned towards a more personal note. It was so unbelievable for him, he couldn't recall what James had just said in that moment, all except one word that had blurred out everything else around it, that he was absolutely certain he'd heard with no doubt.
“ashayam,”
He had taken note of the peculiarities leading up to this of course, books about Vulcan language and culture appearing in James's quarters increasingly frequently over the past months, one on his nightstand, on the couch, a couple on an end table there, some of the prior ones moved to be collected on a shelf having been read completely. Discussions with Uhura over lunch becoming more frequent that would die down or clearly change subject when he approached, some time after which she'd occasionally approach him with a question. He would always tease James about it, but he never felt the need to pry.
He hadn't been keeping track, but he can't help but pay attention whenever Jim starts to do something out of the ordinary and wracking his memory now it all falls into place like he was building a theory the whole time he didn't even know he had.
What he also could not have expected was just how intensely hearing the term from James affected him, spoken so softly in the way he does and the reverence he addressed him with so often. The wide smile that made the lines at the corners of his eyes so prominent, that brought out the roundness of his face, the glint in his eyes and the color that matches his now faded deep brown hair. Adoration written all over him just looking at Spock waiting with no rush for him to reply. Jim had been so patient with him as of late, relearning how to navigate his own feelings and this partnership was still new to him and the older they got the more Jim seemed to relax.
It all overwhelmed Spock in an instant, enveloped him. An insurmountable rush ran throughout his body and before he could think or do anything about it, if he even would have wanted to, his expression raised and eyes widened, his jaw loosened so slightly. He could feel his muscles tighten in a wave starting in a twitch of his hands, rising up his shoulders into his chest causing his ribs to expand, and down through his legs. Then, suddenly, everything in him relaxed and he felt an incredible weakness. Blinding searing warmth spread in his chest and creeped up in his spine like a flush, he thought he may not be able to even keep himself stable on his feet or his vision steady. How can so much flash through him in only a couple of minutes?
He thought that he must look silly, mind trying to not let it overtake him while simultaneously stuttering to catch up and remember what Jim had just said before this, staring and blinking at him with a blush that he knew would be evident on his skin, failing to form any words despite his coherent racing thoughts. He really did not know how to properly convey everything he was feeling in the moment.
“Spock? Oh, Spock,” Kirk finally relented.
He had tried to slip it in as effortlessly as he could, and in truth it had come out so naturally he didn't think about that much. He'd spent much of his spare time skimming over resources to learn Vulcan terms of endearment and the culture around their chosen partners or marriages, asking Uhura for advice on usage based on her thorough knowledge of the language since he certainly didn't want to spoil his surprise to Spock, but he wasn't sure what kind of reaction it would get and he certainly wasn't expecting something this strong.
The man before him was so obviously running through several emotions at once, thinking written through his whole body. Looking at and away from Kirk with wide eyes, brows repeatedly furrowing and raising again, his mouth opening slightly only to close again fighting to find words, green blush across his neck and chest the color intensifying in his ears, great love and disbelief weaved in his expression. His hands would tense and his arms raised slightly before dropping down again as if he didn't know what he wanted to do with them, his balance shifting betraying his dizziness and that he's unsteady on his legs, and a general sense of weightlessness radiated from him.
Spock was always so easy to read, especially to Kirk, but he was particularly open right now it bled out of him. He wasn't certain though if it was because he was choosing to or if what was going on in his head was so great he couldn't contain it. Light concern was on his expression now and he had a growing fear that he perhaps said it too early. It was becoming clear to him that he would need to try to break Spock out of his spiraling thoughts. He'd done it a couple times before, he's learned that sometimes he needs someone to help guide through his jumbled emotions.
He sat up, and walked over to where Spock was standing.
“I didn't mean to make you stuck like this. Are you okay?”
His tone had a slight humorous air to it, but he spoke earnestly and softly. He rested a hand on Spock's neck thumb soothing over his jaw, the other resting on his waist just above his hip to ground him. Spock was fully looking at Kirk now.
“Was it the wrong time for it?”
“No, no… it's not that,” Spock's voice was soft, so soft, and clearly more strained than he wished it to be rushing to reply. Kirk smiled subtly, moving his hand slowly to the back of his head to pull him down a little so he could press sparse, light kisses over his face. Spock let him move him without hesitation.
“Are you able to tell me what's going on in that head of yours? Anything at all, even it's a mess,”
There was a pause as Spock considered what he wanted to say, he brought one of his hands up to James' wrist that was holding his head and took the hand on his hip into his other.
“I believe that, for now, the most pressing matter is to assure you I am quite.. pleased, that you have decided to use Vulcan terminology. Aside from that however, I do not know just yet...,”
Kirk nodded, and Spock finally relaxed into his affections feeling his confliction slip away, allowing himself to let it go for the time being.
“Hmm, how about we revisit this conversion in the morning. It's gotten rather late. I suspect we're both tired, you feel like you're exhausted. Sleep on it?”
“yes, yes I believe that is agreeable,”
They parted, Kirk pulling him gently towards the bed with their still joined hands before letting go and got in first, lying on his side with his arms open indicating for Spock to follow. He climbed in and curled into Kirk's chest, arm resting on his side while Kirk embraced him tightly, their legs intertwined in a way anyone else would find uncomfortable. Lights were signaled off, then Kirk spoke.
“I love you so much,”
“As do I, ashayam,”
Spock smiled, just barely in the mischievous way that he does, Kirk could feel it, before committing himself to rest, and at that Kirk smiled wide again like he had and pulled him in even tighter.