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Shiro tried not to look in mirrors too often.
He'd never been one to worry about his appearance. That was Lance's job. So it wasn't like that was the reason.
He just didn't like going to look at one and instead of finding all olive skin, seeing a porcelain pallor and that wretched scar across his face. He didn't feel ugly. Just reminded.
Reminded of the prison. Reminded of the arena and the prisoners. Reminded of Sam and Matt. And while the two men occupied happy memories, Shiro couldn't stray from the bad ones. Sam's pain. Matt's fear. Shiro's guilt.
He preferred other people to tell him when he had food stuck in his teeth or an eyelash on his cheek. They became his mirror and he saw himself reflected in them.
Keith was becoming quite the exceptional leader. And Shiro couldn't be more proud. Even though he couldn't help but picture him as the kid brother he always knew, he could see that he was growing into a suitable man fit for leadership. Maybe not now, but sometime in the near future most definitely.
Hunk had evolved from a skittish boy to a man who would lay his life down for others. And while that was an astounding observation, Shirov knew that it was meant to be. He had always put others needs above his own, and that was definitely worth noting.
And Lance. Pain in the ass as always. But he had become a rock. The very soul of Voltron. Over the past few years Shiro had come to know that Lance was destined for this.
They were all destined for this. All five of them had learned to mirror each other.
Though Pidge fit like a puzzle piece, she wasn't a mirror. She was a reminder. Shiro couldn't stop himself from seeing him whenever he looked at her. It wasn't her fault and he hated it. He wanted to blame somebody. Anybody but himself.
The guilt ate at him. Keeping himself up, letting him mull over the possibilities of saving them. Dead end after dead-end kept his mind reeling. Until he heard a small noise outside his door one night.
He nearly leapt out of bed, thankful for a reason to escape his thoughts. But when he activated the door, the tense knot reformed in his stomach.
"Pidge?"
She stood there half asleep but obviously distressed. Rubbing one eye with a fist, she swayed on her feet.
"Sh'ro? I di'nt...don't f-feel good."
The black paladin quickly encased her in his arms and sat her down on his bed. He jumped once they were in close proximity and put a hand to her forhead to be sure he wasn't hallucinating.
He wasn't.
"Jesus" he mumbled and pushed her hair back. "You're burning up."
Pidge coughed, dry and harsh, which in turn set off a string of them. Shiro did his best to rub her back in a soothing manner as she clung to him.
"I h-had a nightmare" she choked between sobs. Shiro didn't have a hard time guessing the subject. Helpless to the fever, he just settled for cradling her, whispering sweet nothings into her ear.
"It's okay" he soothed. "I promise, for as long as I live, no harm will come to you."
Eventually to his satisfaction, Pidge's gasps subsided, and her breath evened out. She lay limp against Shiro's chest, shivering every few seconds in a fitful sleep. But he didn't dare wake her. Even when his heart broke at the sight of a tear pooling at the corner of her eye.
The thought of Matt, helpless against the Galra, misted his own eyes. But he needed to remain strong for Pidge. And he be damned if he broke down in front of her. He failed with Matt. It wouldn't happen again.
"Don't worry" he whispered, kissing her forehead. "I'll take care of you."
Even though there was no doubt that they were safe in the castle Shiro barely got any sleep that night. Instead, he parked himself outside of Pidge's room keeping watch. Or maybe he was waiting to tend to her every need. What did that matter?
He only paused from his station to tell the others that she wouldn't be joining them in training that day.
"Is she okay? How bad is it?" Hunk worried.
"She'll be fine. She's just going to be bed ridden for a little while."
Keith noddded in understanding, but went to leave the circle. "I'm going to see if she needs anything." Shiro grabbed him by the elbow before he could move.
"NO!"
All three Paladins stared shocked at their leader's outburst. Shiro had to mentally compose himself as he suddenly flushed a deep Crimson with embarrassment. Realizing he was still holding onto Keith, he let go.
"I mean, we can't afford any distractions. I know you all are worried about her and want to help, but she'll be fine. She'd want to be left alone anyway. Now is the time to focus on training."
Easier said than done. As he sparred with the others, Shiro found himself thinking of Pidge. He had to keep telling himself that she was safe in her room. Alone. With no one to watch over her.
His distraction caused an opening and Keith took it. Jetting out his baton, he struck Shiro in the legs, sending him to the ground. Lance was quickly by his side.
"Hey, Keith watch it! You could have hurt him."
Keith deactivated his beyard. "Is'nt that the point of sparring?" but he also helped Shiro to his feet. "Shiro are you okay?"
He nodded and stepped away from them. He couldn't ignore it any longer.
"I just need a breather. You three keep fighting with the simulator; I'll be back in a bit."
Hunk lowered his beyard. "But Allura said-"
"I don't care" Shiro snapped. "I said I'll be back in a bit. Man your stations."
Shiro left before they could argue the point any further. He made his way down the hall to the barracks where all the paladin rooms were. Stopping outside of Pidge's room, he hesitated.
He knew it in himself that he was becoming quite...hovery. But he didn't care. What if Pidge needed him? With her locked in her room, there was no way he'd hear her. And he didn't want her wandering around the castle in a fevered daze trying to find him. So he sighed and rapped softly on the door.
"Pidge? Can I come in?"
After a few beats of silence, a weak "mmrmf" sounded between the walls and Shiro let himself in.
It was no surprise that Pidge's room was a mess, but Shiro had to practically weave his way through piles of junk to get near the bed. Passing strewn projects and parts, he promised himself he'd get her to clean it once she got better. And maybe get her to show him a thing or two.
Shiro jumped just a little when a small hand snaked its way into his. He looked down to find Pidge staring up at him with a feverish gaze.
"Hey" she whispered, withdrawing her hand and coughing into her elbow. Shiro sat down beside her on the mattress.
"How are you feeling?" He asked.
Once her coughs subsided, she shuddered and pulled the blanket to her chest. "I feel like I went up against Zarcon by myself."
Shiro hated that idea and frowned at the thought of her battling alone. She wouldn't stand a chance. Just like Matt...didn't stand a chance.
Shiro barely registered her question, "how's training going?" And nearly stumbled over the answer.
"Oh it's great. they're doing a nice job. We'll never fight as well than when we're with you though."
Pidge smiled, a little pink hinting at her cheeks before she lowered herself back onto her pillow. "That's good" she hummed, closing her eyes.
Shiro fidgeted with the quilt, unsure of what to do. "Do you need anything?" he settled on. Pidge shook her head.
"No. You can leave if you want."
That was the last thing Shiro wanted to do. He knew Pidge needed something. There was always something. But she would never ask for it.
Shiro put a hand to her cheek. "I'll be right back" he promised, though she didn't seem so eager for him to be.
Shiro made his way back to the kitchen in search of something Hunk may have cooked the night before. Since he was inept in that field, he didn't want to risk making Pidge feel sicker than she already was. That made leftovers his best friend.
He was about to leave with a tub of pink substance when the other Paladins entered the premise.
"Thought you were coming back to training" Lance asked skeptically. Shiro nodded.
"I am. Just tending to a few things first." The three practically had their chests puffed out.
"You said it yourself, she'd want to be left alone" Keith pointed out.
Shiro glared at him, aware that he had been caught red handed. All he needed was a few more moments with Pidge to make sure that she was okay. He didn't need the others hovering over him.
"Just get back to the training deck. I'll be there in a minute."
It was useless arguing with Shiro once he had his mind made up, so the teens left him alone. Shiro took the container of pink goo and made his way back to Pidge's room.
When he got there, Pidge only seemed semi happy to see him. Shiro pretended to ignore that as he sat on the edge, holding a spoon out to her with the container. Pidge hesitantly took it.
"Thanks" she mumbled, sniffing the concoction. "But I'm not really..."
"Just eat it" Shiro suddenly pleaded. "Just eat at least a few bites. Please."
Pidge made at least ten seconds of silent eye contact with him before she shoveled one spoonful into her mouth. She took another spoonful and ducked her head, avoiding Shiro's eyes. Even though he enjoyed her presence, she did not enjoy this.
She set the container on the bedside table and folded her hands in her lap.
"Shiro, I..."
"Let me get you a blanket. I'll be right back. I promise" he said earnestly and left the room once again.
Shiro knew what he was doing wasn't wrong. He just wanted to make Pidge happy. He knew that staying in her room would not make her happy. That's what she had to do though to get better. So, he would be there for her. So he wouldn't make the same mistakes made in the past.
He came back with a serape that was the same shade as her lion. However, when Shiro entered the room, Pidge was no longer in bed. She was over by her desk, tinkering with one of her experiments.
"Pidge! Get back in bed!"
She jumped at Shiro's voice in the doorway and turned around, but she did not move. Instead, she rolled her eyes at Shiro.
"Why? Just go train with the others! Stop worrying about me!"
Shiro walked over to the bed and serape down onto it. "Because I want to and I'm going to. Get back in bed."
Insted of complying, Pidge ducked out of his reach and ran to the other side of the room. Before she could reach it, Shiro pulled her up, kicking and screaming.
"Shiro, let me go!"
He dropped her on the bed. "C'mon, Pidge."
She still struggled. "No!"
Shiro let her go to observe her at a distance. And she didn't bolt right away. Instead, they regarded each other with bated breath, both huffing in frustration.
"Just. Let me. Do. This" Shiro gritted. Pidge threw her hands up into the air incredulously.
"You want to take care of me?!" She was almost laughing at him. That's when something ignited in Shiro.
"Just let me have this, Matt!"
The words hung like death between them as Pidge began to process his words. In those few seconds, Shiro wanted to set himself on fire, shrivel up, and die. Her mouth was slightly agape but the rest of her expression was unreadable. Which made it that much harder to find words to say.
"No, Katie, I didn't mean it. It's not...no..."
Pidge shushed him and took off her glasses. Matt's glasses. As if Pidge herself wasn't reminder enough. She placed a hand on Shiro's arm.
"Shiro, stop. It's okay. I see him too." She coughed wetly and hugged him to make sure he knew that it was okay. "I try not to look in mirrors too often."
Shiro was surprised. "You too?"
She shrugged. "When I was younger, people used to say we were twins. I never got it. I don't think Matt did either. But when I cut my hair, it was suddenly spitting image to me. The funny thing is, that wasn't the case with other people."
Shiro found that ridiculous, but then he remembered that he didn't recognize Pidge once she got her new hairdo, so he stayed quiet.
"I know I look a lot like Matt. But I'm still me. Katie Holt. Lovable sister and daughter."
There was a hint of sadness to her voice. Shiro shook his head.
"Honestly, I feel like I see his ghost. I don't know how you cope with that."
Pidge looked at him confidently. "Because he's not a ghost. You're just seeing his memory. But my brother is still out there. And when I find him, he's not going to be a memory anymore."
Although he'd never understand it, Shiro admired Pidge's optimistic attitude. Maybe it was just her being stubborn, but it was enough to keep her going.
They were quiet for a while, but Pidge soon carded her fingers through Shiro's.
"Thank you. For taking care of me. I know it sounds silly, but... you're like another father to me. And in a way, I think that's what you are here to do."
Shiro thought back to his times at the prison when they were all bloody and beaten, but Matt would just weep for his sister. His poor, baby sister all alone on Earth. Even in a trying time he'd think about his family. And that was one thing he didn't want to die out with him. So when he went to Earth, he made a promise that said he would find her. Even though Matt didn't know it, he hoped it would pay off in the end once he found him and Sam. And then that pain wouldn't matter anymore.
He knew it wouldn't matter anymore. Shiro smiled and squeezed her hand in 'you're welcome'.
"I think that's what I'm here to do too."