Archive of Our Own

One of the worst things about moving to a new city, in your humble opinion, is having to find a new coffee shop to go to that doesn't absolutely suck balls. You aren't exactly a coffee connoisseur, but therein lies the problem. Apparently, when you agreed to move closer to your sister, you were also agreeing to living near some of the most pretentious and overly hyped coffee shops you have ever been to in your life.

They supposedly have good coffee, but you don't drink your caffeine for the taste of coffee, thanks.

You are currently on your way to said sister's apartment, taking a more roundabout way than necessary so you can scout out a new place to grab your typical peace offering. She always complains when you drop by "unannounced," even though you've been dropping by at the exact same time each day since you moved here two weeks ago.

An older, kind of beat down looking building catches your eye as you pass by. You think this particular street must be one of those "historic" ones Rose keeps telling you about, based on how dated all the buildings are, but this one in particular stands out because of the coffee shop on the ground floor.

A neon sign sits above the door, tilted and long past overdue for a replacement. Up close, you can see that it's meant to say The Frappery in faux-cursive font, but the T in the first word has burnt out, in addition to all of the letters of the second word save for the F, A, and one of the Ps.

You take a picture because there is absolutely no way anyone is going to believe you when you tell them about the "he fap" sign. You then decide to go inside and see what this place is all about. The name is not as pretentious as some of the other ones around here.

As you push the door open, a bell chimes above you. The sound is immediately drowned out by an irritated greeting coming from the counter to your left. "Welcome to The Frappery. If you make a single comment about the sign outside, I'm kicking you out."

Before you have a chance to respond to that, another voice chimes in. "Don't mind him! He's just an asshole. Maybe don't test your luck with the fap comments today, though. Or do, I could always use some more entertainment."

"Stuff it, Terezi. I'm not an asshole. Why are you even here? Don't you have anything better to do?"

"Naw. Mooching off you was the top thing on my agenda for today."

The shop is small, what someone in marketing might describe as "cozy," so you don't really have to look around to find the culprits behind all the noise. "Terezi" is sitting at the table closest to the front and the troll who may or may not be an asshole is glaring at you from behind a cash register.

You briefly have the thought that he looks familiar, and also wow, he's stacked as shit for a barista. He growls (?) at his friend, showing off his teeth, which also look familiar and are really doing it for you right now. Maybe June is right and you need to get laid because sharp ass troll teeth probably should not have this strong of an effect on you.

The barista finally turns to look at you after arguing with the other troll a bit more, and then he kind of… freezes for a moment, his eyes going wide at first. Then he squints at you for a moment before his face settles back into a scowl that you get the feeling is just his resting face. "I doubt you came in here just to stand in the doorway," he says, finally addressing you.

"Wasn't what I planned on doing, no," you respond as you step closer so you can take a look at the menu on the wall behind the counter. And also take a better look at the troll behind that same counter. There's no way he got those beefy thighs just from making drinks all day…

Focus. You actually look at the menu this time and instead of a wall filled with various fake Italian names for coffee or an endless list of milk alternatives, you see an endless list of syrup flavors. Well, the first two are also present, but they pale in comparison to all the various flavorings you can add to your drinks.

"As I'm sure you gathered from the name, we specialize in frappuccinos," the guy tells you in a bored tone. "And by 'we', I mean the assholes who own this place."

"Can't call them frappuccinos, Karkat. That's trademarked."

"Like I give a shit. I doubt this douche wearing glasses indoors is a trademark lawyer."

Wait a minute. Karkat? Since when does he live here?

Your thought is met with an irritated grumble because oops, that wasn't just a thought. "Yes, that's my name. I know you humans find it hilarious, you can save your jokes, I've heard them all before."

You flounder for the briefest of moments because holy shit, you know this guy. Kind of. "Maybe I'm a big fan of the name, you ever think of that?" you eventually manage to get out.

He gives you a long, hard stare before shaking his head. If you didn't know any better, you'd almost say he looks amused. "What do you want?"

"Oh uh. Surprise me. Lotta syrups to choose from, gonna take me a while to get through them all. Might as well see what you recommend. Maybe don't surprise me with the full dairy, I ain't supposed to have that and Rose is gonna be pissed if I blow up her bathroom again." Because that's exactly what he wants to hear about right now. Get it together, Dave. "Oh, and a black coffee."

You can hear Terezi snickering behind you as Karkat fixes you with another glare. "One whatever the fuck I feel like making and a black coffee, got it."

"I'll come up with something better next time," you promise.

"Maybe taste the drink before deciding if you're coming back."

With that, he's turning around to start making your drink. You honestly have no idea what he puts in it, despite literally watching him the entire time, as your gaze drifts a bit too far down to see what his hands are doing.

"Damnit, I should've said I wanted his number."

Rose raises an eyebrow as she takes the coffee cup you are holding out to her. "That is a rather interesting name for a coffee shop. I imagine it would be difficult to search for online."

"Huh?" You blink at Rose as if you are just now realizing she's standing in front of you. In her own apartment. That you specifically walked to in order to bother her. "Oh, no. That's not the name."

"I did assume that was the case, yes. Whose number did you fail to ask for this time?"

"You say that like this is a regular occurrence."

"You're right. You don't often get to a point where asking for someone's number is even an option."

You stick your tongue out at her in response because no matter how old the two of you get, that is always the best response to basically anything Rose has to say to you.

She returns the gesture before taking a sip of her coffee. Her eyes widen for a brief moment and she says, "Oh wow, that's good."

"Yeah? Cool. My monstrosity is good, your equally monstrous but far less complicated drink order is good, I don't have to go to a different coffee shop every day anymore."

"You never had to do that, for the record. I do have a perfectly good espresso machine."

"And it's still mysteriously in the same pristine condition it was in when Mom gave it to you over a year ago."

Instead of taking the bait and defending her lack of use of nearly every appliance in her kitchen, Rose instead asks, "So did you meet the mysterious person whose number you didn't get at this unnamed coffee shop?"

"Uh, yeah. Well, technically no. But yeah."

"I'm going to need you to explain further," she says with a nudge to your shoulder when you initially go quiet.

"Fiiine. Okay. So. You remember when June downloaded that troll dating app on my phone last year?"

"So you annoyed some poor troll on a dating app until he blocked you and now you want to annoy him at work?"

"He didn't block me," you insist. "His account got deactivated. The chat disappears if someone blocks you on there."

"Pardon me. You annoyed some poor troll on a dating app until he deactivated his account."

"I wasn't annoying him. I mean, okay. I was. But it was all in good fun, he initiated half those conversations. Pretty sure he would have told me to fuck off and actually block me if he really didn't wanna be bothered."

"I'll have to take your word for it." She very much is not taking your word for it. "Won't he find it odd that you've mysteriously ended up in the same place he lives? I would hate for you to be accused of stalking when you just got here."

You had found it odd that Karkat happened to end up in the same place you just moved to, so maybe? "He didn't live here before. I don't think he'd accuse me of stalking? Is a real big coincidence, though, us both moving to the same place. Wild how that works sometimes."

"Indeed. Well, I hope he also writes it off as the 'real big coincidence' that it is. I'm going to be cross with you if you annoy him so much that the coffee shop gets deactivated too."

"If I manage to get a coffee shop deactivated, you can be as cross as you want with me, but you better be impressed too because I don't even know what that would look like."

"Hm. You do make a good point. Deal."

As embarrassed as you would be if you ever admitted it aloud, you haven't been able to stop thinking about Karkat. You no longer have copies of any of the conversations you had with him on Quad, deactivated your own account shortly after he did because the novelty had worn off, but you remember them being entertaining. Well, some of them were embarrassing, but you both swore to forget about those so you're going to pretend you actually did.

And even if the photos he had on his profile were kind of unflattering, you'd thought he was attractive enough. You think he's even more attractive now that you've seen him in person.

Rose maybe had a point about harassing the poor guy at work, but. Maybe you could be subtle. You're new to the area, Karkat seems cool, you can play it off like you're just looking for people to hang out with since the only other person you know here is your sister.

Unless he was into it, then no need to play anything off. Wouldn't he have said something already if he was, though?

Does he even remember you?

"Welcome to The Fr—oh, it's you again."

"I've been here one time and I'm already getting 'oh it's you again' status? I'm touched."

Karkat rolls his eyes at you and grabs for one of the large frappe cups. "What do you want in it this time? And don't tell me to surprise you, I've had enough of that this morning. Is it really that hard to think of your own drink order?"

"To be fair, most places have maybe five syrup options. The possibilities are just too endless here, it's paralyzing. Like what, I'm just going to look that list in the eye and order a simple vanilla frappe? I can't do that, it's downright disrespectful." You look at the menu a lot closer than you did yesterday and note that there isn't even just one regular vanilla option. Amazing.

"What's downright disrespectful is how much of my time you are wasting right now."

"I would never waste time," you tell him. "I am however gonna need a minute because I wasn't kidding, there are too many damn options here."

Karkat gestures at the menu behind him and begins tapping his pen against the side of the cup that will hopefully contain your drink soon enough. "Yeah sure, have at it."

Forty-three seconds later, you have your flavor combo chosen. "Alright man, I got this on lock. I'll have a la—well I guess you already chose a large for me, you know that part. Real streamlined service you're offering here. What if I had wanted a small, huh? Or literally anything but a frappe? Maybe I wanted a hot drink."

"You don't."

You really don't. "Anyway, let's go with caramel, cherry, and french vanilla flavoring. Then I want in on some of that milk chocolate syrup. The actual chocolately kind, not the flavor. Why are they all just called syrup? I know you got caramel flavor syrup and then actual caramel back there. Can see the bottles."

"You clearly need to study the menu more because the flavor syrups and the sauce syrups are listed separately up there."

"Whatever dude. Gimme caramel syrup and sauce. And sprinkles. You got sprinkles, right?"

"Unfortunately yes."

"Cool. Go wild with them."

"Don't tell me what to do," he mumbles as he writes something on your cup. "You want anything else?"

You're about say naw, you're good, but then you remember. "Oh yeah. Black coffee for Rose. Can't forget that."

Karkat frowns at you before grabbing a coffee cup. "Right. The black coffee for Rose."

You're so busy trying to decipher that frown that you don't remember you were going to ask for his number until you're already outside Rose's apartment building.

Oh well. It's not like you won't get another chance.

A week later, you finally get that chance. You also got plenty of other chances in the preceding days, but you manage to take that chance a week later.

It does not exactly go well.

"Your flavor combos are getting more and more disgusting," Karkat informs you when you order a mixture of orange, guava, chocolate, and butterscotch, along with the caramel sauce that you've quickly become a big fan of. It's in an unlabeled bottle that leads you to believe they make it in house. Or at least that they're trying to give off that appearance. Whatever it is, it's delicious and you really wish you could buy it at the grocery store so you could put it on everything.

"To be fair to me, is guava ever a good flavor combo with coffee? Who decided to add that to the list of options?"

"Not me, that's for fucking sure."

Despite the fact that you've had plenty of opportunities to answer Karkat's now typical greeting of, "What do you want?" with, "Your number," your brain apparently decides that is your in. "You know what else is for fucking sure?" you ask in what you hope is a flirtatious tone. It… mostly just sounds like how you usually speak to Karkat, but maybe he will be able to pick up on the subtle shift.

Karkat gives you an odd look, letting you know he either did not pick up on the subtle shift, or he did and he's very much not about it. "What is? That you're a nuisance?"

"No. Well, I guess that is true. Ouch though dude, is that all I am to you?"

"Of course not," he responds as he hands over your drink. Your name is written on it, as usual, but it is still woefully free of Karkat's number. Because of course that is where he'd write it once he gave it to you, you're pretty sure that writing your number on the cup of a customer you're interested in is in the Barista Handbook. "You're also a menace who makes me want to tear my hair out every time you open your mouth."

"Glad to be of service, I guess." Wait, you've got to save this. You can still ask. "Oh yeah, one more thing—"

"Black coffee for Rose. I know."

Karkat pours the coffee for you and by the time he's handing it over, another customer has entered the shop and you've also entirely lost your momentum.

You'll ask tomorrow. For real this time.

"I think he's making me stupid," you complain to Rose after once again failing to ask Karkat for his number.

"I highly doubt he is the one responsible for that."

"You suck, you know that? Aren't you supposed to tell me I'm not stupid or some shit? Support me through my troubles and ease my woes?"

Rose barely glances up from the book she's been reading the entire time you've been here. "I don't believe that's in my job description, no. Did you want me to tell you you're not stupid? I thought you just wanted to talk about Karkat."

"I mean. Yeah. I do want to do that." You heave the weariest sigh you can manage and congratulate yourself on how very skilled you are at emoting nowadays. "I think that coffee-covered apron is casting spells on me. Second I look at it wow, why am I even here. How is it managing to cover up Karkat's entire body and also highlight it at the same time. Witchcraft, honestly."

"Yes, I suppose that must be what is going on." Rose flips two pages that are stuck together and either she somehow doesn't notice, or she is not actually reading this book, because she doesn't correct it. "Is that the entirety of your attraction to him? How he looks in an apron?"

"Obviously not. Just ain't ever seen him out of the apron. I'm sure he's also hot in other things."

"Or in nothing at all?"

The blush that rises to your cheeks must be awful based on how warm you suddenly feel. "Shut up, I don't want to talk about that kind of stuff with my sister."

"Oh, is that too far? Forgive me. I thought anything was fair game after that impressive soliloquy you gave earlier about Karkat's thighs."

You… might have gone on about them a little more than you thought you did. Damnit. "They're nice thighs, what can I say?"

"A lot, apparently."

EB: so he remembers you too, right?
EB: i don't see what the big deal is!
EB: you two met on a dating app, just ask him out :P
EB: you're welcome for that, by the way.

You've just been staring at June's messages without replying for the past minute and a half (27 seconds, really), because you don't know how to answer that question. Karkat might remember you, but he's never outright said he does.

June continues to message you, joking about you suddenly going quiet, asking if you died from thinking about Karkat too much or something, but you'll have to get back to her later.

You think back to the first time you saw each other in person… Did you see a look of recognition on his face? Was he just embarrassed he'd been caught chatting with his friend at work? He definitely stopped and stared at you, but that could mean anything.

The way you two interact had felt so natural right away, like you were picking up where you left off, but did it feel that same way to Karkat? Was he bickering with you because that's what you two did online, or was he just playing along because you were a paying customer?

Actually. Even your anxiety isn't going to pretend that Karkat would put up with a customer he genuinely didn't want to. You've witnessed him throw people out for looking at him wrong more than once. As much as he complains about the "owners" forcing dumb decisions on him, he seems to be the one really running that place.

But, then again…

Did he even know your name??? He calls you a lot of things, but you can't recall a time when "Dave" was among them.

TG: ok so
TG: i actually have no idea if he remembers me
EB: lol what?
EB: you didn't ask?
TG: no i didnt ask
TG: it just hasnt come up
TG: shut up
EB: i didn't say anything.
TG: youre thinking stuff i know it
TG: you cant fool me
EB: wow yeah you caught me!
EB: i'm over here thinking thoughts, can't get anything past you.
TG: i hate you sometimes
EB: no you don't!
EB: so are you gonna ask him next time you see him?

You do not ask Karkat next time you see him. Either of the questions you want to ask him.

When you first enter the coffee shop this afternoon, you're greeted by Karkat's friend Terezi shouting, "Karkat! Dave's here!"

Something crashes from behind the door next to the coffee counter and Karkat emerges, apron covered in what appears to be coffee grounds. "What have I told you about shouting shit at me when I'm back there? When did you even come in?"

"I just got he—"

"Not you," Karkat cuts you off, fixing his glare on you briefly before turning back to Terezi. "Her!"

"Wow Karkat, you really need to start paying more attention. You've got two customers here waiting to be served and you had no idea?"

You watch as Karkat glances at something behind you, an action that only seems to piss him off further. "Did you take the bell off again?"

"Not me this time," Terezi responds in an overly cheerful voice. "Not Dave either!" she clarifies immediately. "It was gone when I got here. You're really off your game if you didn't notice."

"A ten pound bag of coffee broke open in the back, okay? Whoever loaded it in there did a piss poor job and now there's coffee beans everywhere! I was more than a little preoccupied trying to clean it all up before the next rush comes in, so forgive me if I didn't hear the bell being stolen. Probably some loser kid skipping school again."

"Again?" you ask. "How often does this happen to you?" You then look again at the clearly ground coffee on his apron and follow that question up with, "And why is the coffee on you ground if the beans were what spilled?"

Karkat looks so fucking done with everything when he responds, "The coffee on my apron is unrelated to that particular incident."

"Wow. You're having a day, huh?"

"Yes, you moron, I'm having a day, how very observant of you."

Karkat doesn't even look Terezi's way when she starts cackling, just holds his middle finger up in her general direction. Can she even see it when he does that? Probably rude to ask, huh?

"Tell me what you want."

"Huh?"

Karkat lets out a groan and gestures at the menu. "What do you want? Actually, why am I even asking, you'll drink whatever the hell I make no matter how disgusting it is."

With that, he's heading back behind the counter and grabbing your usual large frappe cup. You watch as he furiously mixes up something, so quick you can't even track which syrups he's using. You do note that at least three kinds of whipped cream end up in there. Nice.

He hands you that, then pours hot coffee into another cup. "And a black coffee for Rose, there you go. I'm closing the shop so I can get everything cleaned up in peace, both of you get out of here."

With that, he heads back into what must be the storage closet, slamming the door behind him.

"Well, you heard the man," Terezi says as she makes absolutely no move to get up.

"Hard not to. See you around? Or, uh."

Terezi absolutely cracks up at that, her cackle somehow more cackly than usual. "Smell you later, loser."

That manages to get a (far less dramatic) laugh out of you too. "Pft. Alright, later."

"Dave," Rose interrupts your ponderings about whether or not Karkat remembers you, if he even knows that you have a name outside of "moron" or "idiot" or "bane of my unfortunate existence." "Dave."

"What? Hold on, I'm trying to remember what he called me the other day. It was real good. Something about brain cells jerking off…"

"Thrilling, I'm sure. He always writes our names on our cups."

You blink and look at your cup. Sure enough, there your name is, just like always. "Oh yeah. I forgot about that."

"Did you tell him your name? You obviously told him mine. Well, I'm hoping you did, otherwise it sounds like you aren't the only stalker in this situation."

You try to think back on all your interactions, but you can't seem to recall ever introducing yourself in person. "I don't think I told him my name? Off the app, I mean. I definitely said yours, no worries about stalkers here."

Rose does not immediately respond. Instead, you hear her phone buzz and she seems to get entirely caught up in whatever it says on her screen. When you try to lean in and see who she's talking to, she tilts the phone away from you, leaving you with nothing but a brief glimpse of unfamiliar green text. "Stop that," she says when you make a second attempt at peeking at her conversation. "I'm sure you can keep yourself entertained for a few moments while I have a private conversation."

"Didn't realize either of us was allowed to have those."

"We are. You just constantly choose to involve me in yours anyway."

You think you kind of take it for granted that Karkat is always working when you stop by The Frappery. You don't actually go every day, you do have other things going on than grabbing coffee and bothering your sister, but you go at least every other day, usually later in the morning or early in the afternoon, and he's always there.

So when you show up just under a month (three weeks and six days) after you first started coming here and you see a human girl behind the counter, you stop in your tracks and look around just to make sure you didn't accidentally wander into the wrong shop somehow.

You order a simple caramel frappe from the bored looking teenager, along with the usual black coffee. There's no conversation as you pay (is it more expensive than it usually is?), no banter as she makes your drink with zero flourish or enthusiasm.

You never realized how much unnecessary effort Karkat put into preparing the frappes. It's impressive, honestly.

The bell chimes behind you and when you glance over, you see the exact person you're currently thinking about step through the door.

"Of course you're here," he says as he walks over to one of the tables and lets his bag drop into one of the chairs.

"You're wearing yoga pants," is the first thing out of your mouth.

Karkat just raises an eyebrow at you as he sits down. "Glad to see you can identify items of clothing."

You can feel yourself flushing and you curse the fact that your shades don't manage to cover your entire face. Or your neck. "Just never seen you when you're not wearin' your uniform, that's all."

The dress pants Karkat usually wears aren't exactly baggy, but they are looser in the legs, definitely don't fully display how shapely his thighs are, not like these yoga pants do. You obviously still know he's got thick-ass thighs under there, you'd probably be able to tell that if he was wearing a floor length potato sack, but.

"Your drinks are ready," Karkat's voice cuts through your Karkat-related thoughts.

"What?" You turn around and sure enough, there are your drinks, sitting on the counter.

"You're supposed to call the customer's name, not just silently set shit on the counter," he tells the girl who is now pretending to clean the espresso machine.

"He's the only one here? Who else would the drinks be for?"

Karkat huffs as he settles into one of the other chairs at the table. "Whatever. It's my day off, I don't care."

He very clearly cares.

"How come you're here if it's your day off?" you ask him after grabbing your drinks.

"My shitty internet is out and I'd rather mooch off the free wifi and coffee here than take the bus over to the library."

"Makes sense. You live close by too? That's cool."

Karkat seems to eye you for a moment, a strange scowl forming on his face when he looks at the drinks in your hand. "Yeah. You could say that."

"That's cool," you say before realizing you literally just said that. "Maybe we could uh. Hang out sometime. Since we're both close." Hell yes, finally making some progress.

"Maybe," is all he has to say about that. The frown on his face and the way he dismissively says, "Have fun with Rose," completely blows all your newfound confidence out the window and all you can do is mutter a goodbye and head out to, yeah, go hang out with Rose. Clearly you're too predictable at this point.

"I'm beginning to think he hates me," is how you greet Rose the second she opens her front door.

"In what way? I hear that isn't exactly a bad thing with trolls."

You really don't like the way you can't keep the whiney tone out of your voice when you respond, "The not sexy way. I don't even want him to hate me in the sexy way? I think? I'm not a troll, I don't get that whole quadrants thing."

"Well, what causes you to think he hates you?"

"I asked him to hang out and he just said 'maybe'. That means no, right? He wasn't even working."

"Maybe he's playing coy? Just ask him out the next time you see him, it can't be that difficult."

"Oh yeah, sure. I'll just ask for his number and also ask him out, it's clearly so easy. By the way, have you had a date with that mysterious girl you've been talking to? Met her in person yet? Told her you're in lesbians with her and all that?"

Rose scowls at you, then takes a sip of her coffee instead of responding. That only causes her scowl to deepen, though. "This is burnt. I can see why Karkat is seemingly always working if this is what the other employees are serving."

"Right?" You gesture at your frappe, which you've taken all of two sips of in the time it took you to walk over here. "She used all the same ingredients and I only got one syrup, wasn't even a complicated order, but this just tastes… off?"

"She probably burnt the espresso too," Rose says with a sigh. "I know there is hardly any in those cups of sugar you prefer, but that's likely what the issue is."

"Didn't realize you were the expert on burnt coffee. Actually, that checks out. Don't think I didn't notice those weird marks on your espresso machine, Rose."

That earns you another scowl and a shove that mostly just makes you laugh and does not succeed in moving you away from Rose one bit. "I don't work at a coffee shop. I'm not inflicting that espresso on anyone else."

"Oh man, I don't even wanna imagine Barista Rose. Horrible timeline. Guess I just gotta get Karkat's schedule so we completely avoid this tragedy from occurring ever again."

"I somehow don't trust your ability to get the man's entire schedule."

"Eh. Maybe he'll leave his planner lying around or something. Actually you know what, that's how you should ask Kanaya out. Just send her a calendar invite."

Rose's cheeks go pink and you are oddly comforted by the fact that you aren't the only person who seems to have that issue. "I doubt that will work. And I don't recall ever telling you her name."

She didn't. "You uh, must've just forgot. You've totally told me her name and there was no snooping through your phone involved on my part."

Rose smacks you with a pillow this time and you cannot honestly say you don't deserve it.

The next time you see Karkat, he is in his proper place behind the counter, wearing his apron and… oh man, the yoga pants are there again. Fuck. Okay, stop staring, you're pretty sure Karkat has started to figure out where you're looking even when your shades are on. Which they always are, obviously.

"So uh," you say in what you hope is an incredibly nonchalant and unaffected tone. You're so casual and cool about this. "You spend any time thinkin' on that maybe?"

Karkat looks at you like you've got two heads. "That maybe?"

"Y'know. You said maybe when I asked if you wanted to hang out." Damnit, you can feel yourself getting flustered again. This sucks. You are pretty sure you're supposed to stop blushing when talking to your crush once you turn 30, right? That whole nonsense should turn off.

"Oh right. That." Karkat doesn't even ask what you want this time, just starts putting some random things into a cup. "I didn't realize you were so desperate for friends that you wanted to hang out with the guy from the coffee shop you already see everyday."

"I am that desperate for friends," you assure him before realizing how that sounds. "I mean. I've got friends. I see people other than you and totally have a social life." Barely. "I don't just wanna hang out 'cause I'm desperate, promise. You're cool and all that."

"And all that? You've got such a way with words." The sarcasm in his voice is as thick as honey. You don't know why you just thought that, what the hell. He's being sarcastic in a very obvious way and you are thinking normal thoughts about that.

You must take a bit too long to respond, because Karkat is turning around and mixing up a drink with far more aggression than you think is entirely necessary. He even splashes some on the counter when he's pouring it from the blender into the cup, something that he constantly complains about other employess doing.

"See you tomorrow," he says as he practically throws your mystery frappe and a black coffee at you.

There is sadly no number written on your cup and you are left wondering what exactly you managed to do wrong this time.

The next time you enter the shop, Karkat immediately starts in on you with, "Not that it's any of your business, but you can't just assume that every single troll wants to deal with the mess that is having multiple partners."

You look around because surely Karkat must be having a conversation with someone else.

There is nobody else in the shop.

"Okay? I'm uh. Sorry?" You actually kind of forgot about that. Shit. Karkat had seemed so gung ho about quadrants when you were chatting on Quad, too. But wait. Is he implying what you think he's implying? "Are you practicing coming out as troll gay or something?"

"What the actual fuck? No! It's not called 'troll gay', you culturally incompetent fuckhead."

"Right. My apologies for not taking this more seriously. What exactly are you tryin' to tell me, then?"

"That despite what you may think or what I may have said at any given point in the past, I'm not interested in quadrant dating right now. Or your human version of it that somehow still involves mixing quadrants and dragging in far more people than are entirely necessary."

Oh hell yes. He is implying what you think he's implying. "Cool man. Me neither? Glad we got that figured out."

Karkat blinks, the determined anger in his face temporarily sliding off in favor of something that almost looks like relief, mixed with disappointment in a way that just confuses you. "Right. Yeah. Of course you're not. I continue to be an idiot."

"I must be an idiot too 'cause I got no idea what's going on right now."

He just sighs, sounding incredibly frustrated before he says, "We can hang out."

"Wait, really?"

"Yes, really."

"Wow. Okay, yeah." You still don't know what's going on, but why question it when you finally seem to be getting somewhere? "Let's hang out. We can do that."

"You're the one who asked me in the first place, why do you sound so shocked?"

"Because you refused to answer last time? Kind of thought you'd never agree," you admit. "Given how I'm a nuisance and a menace and a moron and everything else you're always telling me." Not that you don't enjoy it when he calls you all those things. The way he says them, they almost sound like endearments. Or maybe you're just delusional. Who knows.

"You are all those things," he agrees. "But I've been told I have questionable taste when it comes to the people I willingly allow into my life, so."

"So I fit right in, perfect."

The way Karkat rolls his eyes at you is also feeding into your delusional because it looks pretty damn affectionate, somehow. "Yeah. You fit right in."

As you're leaving, you realize that you have once again forgotten to actually ask for his number, even though you kind of need that to figure out a time to hang out with him.

But a quick glance at your cup lets you know you don't need to ask.

You quickly stop to put the number into your phone before you manage to smudge it off, and it's hard not to walk the rest of the way over to Rose's as if you're walking on air because you are feeling so fucking lucky right now.

You are feeling decidedly less lucky right now because you're pretty sure this is not a date and you should have realized that based on the fact that neither of you ever mentioned the word date when planning this.

Rose is so going to give you shit for this later. And June. And everyone else you told about finally getting Karkat's number.

Apparently, Karkat sometimes attends a game night at a local comic shop and he'd invited you to come along this evening. "It's kind of stupid and we spend most of the time arguing about the games," he'd told you as the two of you walked over together after meeting up outside the coffee shop. "But it's something to do. I'd apologize in advance for the complete lack of social skills my friends have, but you've already met Terezi so you get the idea."

You were confused at first about why he wanted to go on a date with all of his friends there. Until you thought about it some more and realized this was so not a date at all.

True to his word, nobody is actually playing any games right now. After Karkat introduced you to his friends (and holy shit does he have a lot of them, even though he said they weren't even all here tonight), a few of those friends started arguing about what they should play in the first place, and you got distracted looking at the shop's quite frankly impressive collection of fridge magnet "poetry" sets.

"I think I need like ten of these things," you tell Karkat. "My fridge is woefully empty right now. On the outside, I mean. I'm an adult who buys groceries and puts food in my fridge." Sometimes more food than entirely necessary. You like to have that thing nice and full of stuff that is supposed to go in a fridge, thanks.

Karkat snorts as he laughs and it's honestly unfair how adorable the sound is. "I'd say don't waste all your money on word magnets but I doubt you're going to listen to me."

"I listen to you loads, dude, what are you talking about?" You eye a set of the magnets that uses comic sans for the words. "But yeah, I am definitely not gonna take that advice. Sorry not sorry. What's the point in having adult money if I can't spend it on stupid shit?"

You're over at the cash register paying for six of the magnet sets when Karkat's friends finally seem to settle on what game they want to play. Karkat groans when he hears their selection. "We are not playing Exploding Meowbeasts," he tells them in a tone that probably leaves no room for argument with normal people. "There's too many of us. If any of you actually bothered to read, you'd see that it says two to six players right there on the front of the box."

"Who ever said you were playing?" Terezi asks with a quite frankly unsettling grin. "There's only six of us if we boot you and Dave out."

"What the hell? Why are you booting us out?"

"Because you couldn't be bothered to pick a game with the rest of us!" one of the others, Vriska?, responds. "Go play Uno or something."

Despite the fact that Karkat very loudly complains about everyone excluding him, the two of you do end up playing Uno at one of the unoccupied tables set up in the shop and you're pretty sure it is the most fun you've had in a while.

Karkat and you spend half the time arguing over the rules, since neither of you play by the ones that are in the instructions, obviously. What are you, amateurs? The other half of the time you are mostly just throwing cards at each other instead of really playing.

By the time the shop is closing and everyone is calling it a night, you haven't actually made it through a single game, and you feel a little bad that you kept Karkat from getting to hang out with his friends. But at the same time, you really hope he invites you again, even if he's clearly only interested in being friends right now.

You are starting to think Karkat is sending you some mixed signals. Or maybe you just don't know how to read his signals? It's probably that last one.

It's just that sometimes you are so sure he's flirting with you. You can be kind of clueless, but even you can see the way his cheeks darken when he's talking to you sometimes. There's also been a few times where you are pretty sure he purposefully made an innuendo because he for sure did make one, but he didn't act the same way he does when one of you makes one on accident…

But other times, he seems to shut down your attempts to flirt back? Which leads you to believe that he's not actually flirting, but at the same time, you are still so sure he is…

"It's probably because you suck at flirting," June tells you one night when you're in voice chat with her.

"You really do," Jade agrees.

"You two are the ones that suck," you complain. "Stop ganging up on me."

They have a point, though. You do kind of suck at flirting.

But you don't think that's the only thing going on.

When you walk into the shop today, Karkat isn't working, but he is there, as usual. Jade thinks Karkat's internet being out is just an excuse, since it seems to happen literally every day he isn't working, but you have no idea why he would lie about that. You've had enough experience with shitty internet that it seems plausible.

You do kind of like the thought that he's showing up just to see you, but you also don't think he needs an excuse to see you? He is perfectly capable of contacting you. And he does, sometimes. You've even been invited to game night again. And to the movies once, along with a couple of his friends. He doesn't seem interested in doing anything with just you, is the problem.

"You're staring again," Karkat says in an accusatory tone and oops. Yeah. You kind of are.

"It's the yoga pants, man," you admit, only to immediately try to back track. "I mean. I'm not staring at your ass. It's just uh. Throws me off. Do you even do yoga? Bet you're real flexible if you do. Shit, I—"

"Oh my god, stop. I'll stop wearing the yoga pants if it bothers you so much."

"No!" That is the last thing you want. "Keep wearing them. They look good. Real good. I'm just an idiot, don't mind me."

Karkat mumbles something to himself that you don't quite catch, but that includes both your name and a couple insults, so. Completely in line with most of the shit he says about you, actually. "Fine. I'll keep wearing the yoga pants as long as you promise not to mention them or my ass in my place of work ever again."

"Deal." You shoot Karkat a grin and then head over to place your order with the girl behind the counter, who appears to be cleaning the exact same spot she was when you first walked in here. "Does that I mean I can mention your ass outside your place of work?" you ask Karkat once said order is placed.

There is just the slightest hint of a blush against Karkat's gray skin before his flustered expression very quickly turns into an irate one. "No. You cannot talk about my ass anywhere. Don't you already have an ass to talk about? Why do you have to talk about mine?"

"Uh. What?" Does he mean your own ass? You are pretty sure you don't talk about that… much. Not any more than a regular person talks about their own ass, you guess? "I won't talk about your ass in front of you I guess."

"What do you mean in front of me? Do you talk about my ass to other people?!"

You do. Probably more than a regular person talks about anyone's ass, to be honest. Your friends are most definitely getting sick of it at this point but you just can't seem to make yourself stop. "Naw man. What makes you think that?"

Before Karkat can actually explode at you (and oh how you'd kind of like to see that), the sound of a throat being cleared comes from behind you and that's when you remember that you're very much not alone in the coffee shop with Karkat right now.

You collect your drinks and make a quick exit before you can embarrass yourself further today.

Things are awkward the next couple of times you go into the coffee shop. Karkat is kind of quiet and he actually calls you by your name and doesn't insult you even once? You're starting to wonder if he's reached the point where he's actually annoyed with you being there.

You don't go on Wednesday this week, because Karkat only works every other Wednesday, and you don't want a repeat of the last time he wasn't working.

You almost don't go Thursday either, decide you're not going to, in fact, but your feet decide to betray you while you're not paying attention and lead you right to the shop anyway.

"We got another new syrup," Karkat tells you in place of an actual greeting and you're genuinely relieved. Last time you were here, you got the generic, "Welcome to The Frappery," greeting without any hint of sarcasm at all. "It's called 'passionberry'. I was pissed at first because what the hell is a passionberry? But apparently it's real. Then I got pissed again because there's multiple kinds of passionberries that are completely different Earth plants! Who let that happen? The bottle doesn't even say what kind it's supposed to be. I'll bet it doesn't even taste like any kind of passionberry."

As he's speaking, Karkat starts mixing up a drink for you, not once asking if you actually want to try this new dubiously flavored syrup. You do, but you clearly have to give him shit anyway. "Not even gonna ask me if I want the passionberry? What if I'm allergic, huh? You ever think about that?"

"You're allergic to bananas and you can have the banana flavor just fine because it's not made with real bananas, dipshit. I doubt this is made with real passionberries either. Or that you've ever had a passionberry. Don't tell me you even knew that was a thing until today."

"I'm actually a passionberry expert," you tell him despite the fact that yeah, you are just now hearing about this apparent collection of different fruits with the same name. "That's what I did my thesis on. Got a PhD in passionberries. I just don't make you call me Dr. Dave 'cause I gotta stay humble, y'know?"

"You didn't even go to college, shut up with that bullshit."

"Ouch man. You don't think I'm smart enough to have a PhD? That hurts." You didn't go to college. But that's not the point. "Did I actually tell you I didn't go to college or were you just guessin' in an attempt to aim some primo insults at me?"

"You uh. You told me." For some reason, that seems to embarrass Karkat? You wonder why, until you realize that you told him on Quad. In all the time you've been coming here, neither of you has actually mentioned your previous interactions on there.

"Oh right, guess I did," you reply in the same vague manner as Karkat. "And you got a fancy English degree, I remember now," you can't help but add. Can't have Karkat thinking you don't remember literally everything he's ever told you.

"And you can see how well that is going for me," he complains, gesturing around at the coffee shop as he does so.

"Pretty damn well, you mean? You got a gift with the words dude. Best conversator I ever did meet."

That just earns you a classic Karkat eyeroll. "Take your drinks and fuck off, I've got work to do."

You think maybe you do spend a bit too much time at Rose's place because the second she is out of town and bothering her isn't an option, you aren't really sure what to do with yourself.

That doesn't last long, though, because you quickly realize that you have someone else you can bother.

"Oh, I don't need the black coffee today," you tell Karkat when you see him reaching for one of the large hot beverage cups like usual.

"You don't?" That seems to throw Karkat off, as it takes him a moment to recalibrate and let the cup he just grabbed fall back onto the stack.

"Naw. Rose is visiting our mom for a couple weeks. She's gonna have to get her own coffee, pretty sure y'all don't deliver. That and she said I wasn't invited because I need to get a life and stop hanging out with her every single day or something. Which is ridiculous, it's not every day. So Rose is on her own, can't believe Mom let her get away with th—you okay, dude?"

The expression on Karkat's face stops you completely. Expressions, actually. Dude seems to be going through the stages of grief in rapid succession right in front of you.

Instead of remaining on that final stage of acceptance, he eventually adopts a look of complete and utter befuddlement. Then immediately goes back to anger because this is Karkat and that's kind of just how his face is at this point. "'Our mom'? Rose is your hatchmate?" he asks in a tone that is equal parts confusion and pure rage.

"Guess we did kinda hatch outta the same egg, if you really think about it. Y'know, without any hatching involved on account of how we're both humans."

Karkat looks like he's going to scream. He doesn't, unfortunately for you because you'd honestly kind of love to hear that. "Sibling I mean. Sister? Rose is your sister?"

"Uh, yeah." Now you're the one who is confused. "Who else would she be?"

"I thought…" Karkat trails off, then makes that "going to scream" face again before storming off into the storage closet without another word.

When he finally comes out a good eighteen minutes later, he very much does not look any more composed than he did when he went in there, but it's clear he got over the need to scream. Considering he is no longer actively screaming.

"Wanna tell me what that was all about?" you ask.

"No."

"…Will you anyway? I really don't know why Rose being my sister is scream worthy."

"Because I didn't know she was your sister!" he shouts. "You never once mentioned that! Just Rose this, Rose that, you're always going over to Rose's place. Is that normal? Seeing your sister everyday?"

"Dude I already told you, it's not everyday." You can't believe you gotta be defensive about this of all things. "She convinced me to move here because blah blah blah I was isolated and depressed or some shit and I should start over somewhere that doesn't make me miserable, yadda yadda. You get it."

"I don't."

"She's the only person I know here, who else am I supposed to hang out with?" Oh wow, that sounds way too pathetic. No wonder Karkat doesn't want to go out with you. "I mean. I know you now. And all your friends. But the group hangs aren't always my thing and you never wanna have some bro time," or go on a date with me. "So I gotta get my kicks bothering you at work and then I sit on Rose's couch while she ignores me and texts the hot troll lady she's obsessed with. Normal type stuff when you first move somewhere, I think."

The pre-screaming face makes another brief appearance but instead of going into the supply closet, Karkat takes a deep breath before simply saying, "Wow. I'm a fucking moron. Big surprise there."

"Not sure how that's your takeaway from what I said. Why—"

You're cut off by the sound of the bell above the door signaling that someone else has entered the shop. Karkat passes you your drink, then waves you off with a, "I'll text you later. My boss is starting to give me shit for chatting up the customers too much or something."

That's a clear dismissal if you ever heard one, so you give a mock-salute (why did you do that, what the hell?) and head out.

--turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]--

TG: so i had a nice long talk with the groupchat because i have literally no idea what the fuck was happening during our last interaction
TG: and they are all laughing at me and insisting that you thought i had a girlfriend
TG: and that rose was the girlfriend
TG: thats not what you thought right
TG: because that is insane and gross what have i ever said that could have possibly implied rose was my girlfriend and not my sister or at least just a friend
CG: NOTHING!
CG: I AM LOOKING BACK THROUGH EVERY SINGLE ONE OF OUR INTERACTIONS BOTH IN PERSON AND ONLINE AND THERE IS NOT A SINGLE THING YOU SAID OR DID THAT GENUINELY IMPLIED THERE WAS A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR SISTER.
TG: but you DID think that?
TG: oh my god
TG: im going to die
TG: goodbye karkat it was nice knowin you
CG: IT IS NOT THAT INSANE OF A CONCLUSION TO JUMP TO, OKAY?
TG: you literally just said i didnt do anything to imply there was something romantic going on
CG: WELL YEAH. IN HINDSIGHT, YOU DIDN'T!
CG: I JUST ASSUMED BECAUSE I FIGURED ANYONE YOU HUNG OUT WITH LITERALLY EVERYDAY OF YOUR OWN ACCORD MUST BE A ROMANTIC PARTNER.
CG: BECAUSE I'M A MORON. WE'VE ESTABLISHED THIS.
CG: HOW ABOUT WE JUST PRETEND THIS NEVER HAPPENED AND GO ABOUT OUR BUSINESS?
TG: too late man this is just part of the lore now
TG: like i said i already told the groupchat
CG: AUGH.
CG: WELL IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL ANY BETTER MY FRIENDS ARE ALSO GIVING ME SHIT ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW.
CG: TEREZI HAS BEEN TELLING ME FOR WEEKS THAT SHE'S CERTAIN YOU WERE SINGLE BUT NO!
CG: I HAD TO GO AND ASSUME THE WORST.
TG: yeah assuming that im dating my sister is kind of the worst possible assumption to make
TG: even if you didnt know shes my sister
TG: so wait why would me being in a relationship be the worst
CG: ARE YOU SHITTING ME RIGHT NOW?
CG: ARE YOU REALLY THAT OBLIVIOUS?
CG: I HAVE BEEN AGONIZING OVER THIS FOR WEEKS!
CG: YOU'VE BEEN FLIRTING WITH ME, ALBEIT IN THE MOST AWKWARD AND INEFFECTIVE MANNER I HAVE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF WITNESSING, THIS ENTIRE TIME.
TG: ouch
TG: so why didnt you just say hey dave stop flirting with me arent you in a relationship
TG: and i woulda said nuh uh i am not what made you think that
CG: BECAUSE!
TG: oh because huh yeah that is a real good reason definitely makes sense

carcinoGeneticist [CG] is now an idle chum!

TG: aw man what
TG: come back

Karkat does not respond to your messages for the rest of the evening, nor does he say anything the next morning, but you fortunately happen to have his entire schedule memorized by now like the completely not weird sort of person you are, so you know he should be working today.

Maybe if he really was dead set on ignoring you, he'd have called out or switched shifts or magically changed the location of the coffee shop (which was less likely than any other option but still one your anxiety-ridden brain decided to come up with). So when you see him behind the counter as usual, you assume that must be a good sign.

(That or he thought maybe you'd take a hint.)

He doesn't look at all surprised to see you when you enter the shop. Doesn't tell you to leave, just grabs a cup like he always does and starts throwing random ingredients into a blender.

"I thought maybe I'd eventually get over your objectively shitty attempts at hitting on me," is how he chooses to greet you today.

"Seriously? Man, I'm not that bad."

"You are. But apparently that's what I'm into." Karkat seems to sigh at himself and maybe you should feel insulted, but all you really hear in that moment is that Karkat might be into you. "I invited you to game night thinking surely, if I hung out with you outside of work and had to actually listen to you for an extended period of time, whatever possible allure you had would disappear but nope! You continue to be infuriating in the most endearing way possible."

"So I'm endearing and alluring and this is a bad thing somehow?"

"Yes it was a bad thing!"

"Okay… and you kept inviting me despite this somehow being a bad thing because…?"

"Because I like hanging out with you!"

"But only when your friends are there…? Am I missing something?"

Karkat groans. "Ugh. I can't believe I have to actually explain this. It makes me sound like such a tool."

"Well maybe I happen to be into tools, you ever think of that?"

Karkat just stares at you for a moment, his eyes practically boring into your soul with how absolutely done he looks. It's incredibly hot and you would not argue at all if this continued to be a thing that happens when you say stupid shit. "Yeah, that checks out," he huffs before shaking his head. "I thought you were in a relationship and flirting with me anyway and I did absolutely nothing to discourage it. Went out of my way to spend more time with you than I already was, even. Make of that what you will."

"I mean. You did kind of discourage it sometimes. That was definitely a thing that happened," you argue. "But yeah, not very effective. Just confusing. Since I think you were also encouraging it other times? Wait, was that what that whole 'I don't do quadrants or your weird human version of them that still somehow involves quadrant-mixing' spiel was all about? You were trying to discourage me?"

"Yes!" Karkat drags a hand down his face and lets out another displeased groan. "But considering you are very much single, I can see now how that just made the whole hitting on me thing get worse."

"Or better?"

"Shut the fuck up. Yes."

"Man. You were totally gonna be a homewrecker, weren't you?"

"I was not! I was just going to keep tormenting myself by trying to be your friend and hoping you miraculously broke up with your nonexistent girlfriend. Obviously."

"Obviously," you repeat back. Your amusement must be clear given the way Karkat scowls at you. "Sooo."

"So what?"

"You wanna go out sometime? Just the two of us? No friends there to cockblock you? Not that I'm assumin' there's gonna be any cock involved on a first date. Not saying no to there being cock involved, mind you. Or bulge, as it were. But—"

Karkat sighs the weary sigh of a man who is totally going to say yes to you despite his better judgment. "That was almost a half-decent attempt at asking me out and then you had to go and ruin it." He passes you your drink and then adds, "I'm off at 4."

"No you're not," you counter, only realizing that it's probably strange to argue with someone about their own schedule after you've already started arguing. "You're off at 2 on Fridays."

That blush you love so much is coming out in full-force right now. "Well maybe I need a couple hours to get ready! Just meet me back here at 4, okay? Not a minute earlier. I've seen you walking around the block ten minutes before my shift starts before, don't think I haven't."

"Cool," you say, sounding entirely uncool given how much you are currently freaking out inside. And a little bit on the outside, too. "It's a date." Holy shit it's a date.

"It's a date," he confirms. "Now calm the fuck down and let me work."

"You got it."

You do not calm the fuck down. Nor do you really let Karkat work, given you spend most of his shift messaging him. But he doesn't seem to mind that one bit.