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Isogai was sitting at his desk with chin resting on the palm of his hand as he silently observed his classmates celebrating when all of a sudden his phone rang.
The sound wasn’t actually very loud, but the noise itself was so unexpected and out of place that it managed to catch the attention of most of his classmates. He didn’t reach for it immediately, but that was only because he had no idea who could be calling him—his siblings were in school, his mom didn’t have her second break for at least another couple hours, and all of his friends were right here with him.
It only took him a few more seconds to remember that wasn’t actually true. Not anymore, at least.
So it must’ve been him.
It was with this realization that he opened his bag and pulled his phone out. The caller ID matched his theory.
Despite being surrounded by his classmates, Isogai accepted it with less than a second’s worth of hesitation. “Hello?”
“This is Isogai, yeah?” A voice that was decidedly not Asano’s questioned in lieu of a greeting.
Isogai blinked. “Sakakibara?”
The very few students who weren’t paying attention suddenly started to; the silence was, no pun intended, deadly.
“I’ll take that as a yes, then?“ Sakakibara asked flatly.
“Uh, yeah,” Isogai confirmed dumbly. “I mean yes. It’s me. Why are you—”
“Asano left his phone here, and since you’re the last person he texted that isn’t currently on the main campus, we figured calling you was our best bet.”
Though Sakakibara’s confusion regarding Asano’s correspondence with him was audible, it was clear that he had no plans to press the issue.
“Convenient, too, actually, since we need to stay here for damage control and can’t go after him,” he said.
Isogai blinked again. “Convenient? Damage control?”
“Convenient, damage control,” Sakakibara echoed, as if that helped at all. Then, “We think he’s heading for E Class.”
“Why?” he asked.
It was Seo who answered this particular question, and the fact that there wasn’t so much as a trace of hostility in his voice set Isogai on edge. “I, for one, have no idea what’s going on in the boss’s brain right now,” he said. “The only thing I can tell you is that he ditched the nurses office.”
“The nurses office?” he echoed, confused. “Why was he at the nurses office? There can’t be any extra curriculars going on—I mean, even though we don’t get to participate in them doesn’t mean we don’t know when they’re going on.”
Some of his classmates looked confused, but most looked concerned. One of them just looked apathetic.
And yet it was the latter who Isogai knew was the most concerned. Isogai knew that for a fact.
(After all, once he began spending time with Asano, Isogai had gotten a lot better at reading people. It was something of an occupational hazard.)
That is to say, Karma was one of the smartest people Isogai had ever met; it was obvious that he’d figured out who they were talking about.
Isogai was torn from his thoughts when Sakakibara deadpanned, “I’m well aware that the exam results just came out, thank you very little.”
Oh, right—Rio beat him out first in English. Isogai didn’t feel any remorse about it, quite the opposite, really, and yet he found himself fighting back a reflexive apology.
(He was glad he managed to hold himself back.)
Araki picked up where Seo left off. “And as for what happened?” A centipede is what happened, Koyama mumbled in the background. It went universally ignored. “Well, I’m sure you’ll see when he gets there.” A pause. “But don’t freak out. It’ll piss him off, and even if your class hates him I’m sure they will do it for you either way.”
Isogai blinked. “Why would any of us freak out?”
The responding noise that Sakakibara made was a mix of fury and concern, and the former must be strong enough that it rendered him nonverbal, because it was Koyama who ended up responding. “The principal—”
Isogai never did get to hear the rest of Koyama’s explanation, because it was then that a loud noise startled him enough that he accidentally hung up the phone.
It was Asano’s father.
Koro-sensei screamed.
it appears that self-preservation skills aren’t on the curriculum
It was then that, with perfect timing, Asano strolled in. Everyone—sans Isogai, of course—tensed as he made eye contact with Koro-sensei, but all Asano did was give him a once-over before humming disinterestedly and walking past him to stand by the windows.
“What!?” Terasaka screeched.
(His comment, much like Koyama’s before him, went completely ignored.)
“Asano,” the principal greeted, calm and composed, as if he wasn’t sitting in a tank and dust wasn’t still rising from the wall of a building he’d just partially tore down. “What are you doing here?”
Despite himself, the phrasing conjured up a memory from the beginning of Isogai’s relationship with Asano. From before the beginning, even.
From when they meant nothing to each other.
(“Your f– the principal,” Isogai said. “Why does he call you by your last name?”
“To do otherwise on school grounds would be inappropriate,” Asano said sharply.
Isogai frowned. “I heard him call you that off of school grounds, once,” he countered, voice soft yet direct in a way that surprised even himself.
Asano clenched his jaw. “Mind your place.”
Isogai dropped it.)
His mouth moved entirely of its own accord: “Asano,” he said pointedly, leaning further out the window to better see him.
Asano clearly remembered that interaction as well, because he turned away from his staring contest with the principal to lean further out the window. He squinted at Isogai. “School grounds.”
It was only because of Sakakibara’s warning that Isogai didn’t react when he saw Asano’s face. More specifically his right cheek, which was beginning to turn a horrific shade of red.
Either way, Isogai was still rather proud of the fact that his voice didn’t shake when he responded. “Arguable.”
Asano studied him for a moment before taking a brief moment to examine their surroundings. “Fair,” he acquiesced, voice light; you could almost hear a hint of laughter if you looked hard enough.
There was a split second pause after that before everyone began speaking at once.
“There’s a hole in the wall!” a voice, Yoshida, probably, yelled. “Can we get back to that please?”
“Better yet, why are Isogai and Asano talking like they’re friends?” Maehara countered.
“How is that the biggest issue here?” Yep, that was definitely Yoshida. “There’s a fucking hole in the wall!”
“No, I think Asano being here definitely takes precedence,” Hazama drawled.
“Yeah!” Sugino agreed. “I mean, he's acting as if he’s friends with Isogai! And he isn’t surprised about Koro-sensei!”
“Oh shit, you’re right!”
“Asano,” the principal repeated.
Everyone shut up after that.
Isogai and Asano both broke eye contact and turned back to the principal. “Rumor has it that this is where you decided to go after all of us left the classroom and you turned tail,” Asano explained calmly. “I simply had to see what you planned to do.”
He smirked. “Well, that and show you my wounded face.”
which is weirder:
a) seeing principal asano look chagrined
b) having a three meter tall yellow octopus as your middle school teacher
(the answer may surprise you)
The principal, after having tried and failed to commit murder-suicide via textbook, had long since left the mountain—leaving Isogai, Asano, and the rest of 3-E sitting in the partially destroyed classroom.
Isogai’s current task—explaining Asano’s blatant lack of reaction to Koro-sensei’s general existence—was proving to be harder than expected.
“In my defense, Asano figured it out on his own,” he said.
Karasuma stared at him in disbelief. “He found out that a giant yellow octopus is teaching a class of middle schoolers after blowing up the moon,” he deadpanned. “Middle schoolers learning how to be assassins.”
Isogai grimaced. “Well, when you put it like that, it’s hard to believe.”
“The primary suspects are either you or the principal,” Rio piggy-backed. “And you’re the only one here to interview.”
(“This doesn’t really feel like an interview so much as an interrogation,” Isogai muttered. It also went ignored.)
Asano shot Rio with a flat look. “The likelihood of the principal telling me the goings-on of this classroom is in the negatives,” he deadpanned. “He’s been having an amazing time watching me run in circles trying to figure it out.”
“It was neither—the kid really did figure everything out on his own,” Bitch-sensei spoke up suddenly. “It isn’t his fault you’re not subtle.”
(Isogai was pretty sure she wouldn’t know subtly if it slapped her in the face, but that was neither here nor there.)
“You knew about this?” Karasuma asked sharply. “You realize that he’s technically subject to a memory wipe now.”
“But that’s only if he tells,” Itona offered in his ever-present monotone voice.
Bitch-sensei inclined her head at Itona in agreement. “If he tells.” Then she fixed her attention back to Isogai and Asano. “Oh, and a word of advice—the next time you sneak up here at night, make sure to actually look around first,” she told them with a smirk. “You never know who might be listening.”
Asano turned to look at Isogai with an incredulous expression. “You didn’t notice?” he practically demanded. “I thought you were supposed to be some kind of assassin.”
Isogai rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “Yeah, that’s my bad.”
“Hold up, the two of you sneak up to this hill at night?” Okajima yelled.
A gasp. “Do you think they’re dating?” Fuwa asked loudly. “It's a cute trope, isn’t it? A ruthless, immoral student falls for the equivalent of a shoujou manga protagonist?”
“It certainly is a popular one!” Kurahashi agreed with a series of frantic nods.
Asano, who had been staring at Fuwa with a decidedly unimpressed look since the words ruthless and immoral left her mouth, rolled his eyes but said nothing.
Isogai said nothing either—he was too busy not-so-subtly staring at a slightly tense looking Karma, who was in turn staring at Asano with a somewhat constipated expression on his face.
“They aren’t denying it!” Fuwa screamed a moment later. “Oh my god!”
Karma’s eye twitched minutely.
“I most decidedly am denying it, thank you very much,” Asano deadpanned. “I've never been fond of the whole ikemen, shoujou shtick.”
It took a lot of willpower for Isogai not to laugh at the way Karma seemed to relax a little.
(Asano was rubbing off on him, it seemed.)
“This is serious,” Karasuma said firmly. “How long have you known?”
Asano hummed. “Around the time that the lot of you were nearly collectively murdered.”
“You know, that doesn’t actually clear anything up,” Nagisa pointed out. “It’s happened a few times.”
“It almost happened thirty minutes ago!” Maehara yelled. “And because of your father, no less!”
A groan. “Why is this even a discussion? I say we wipe him and forget the whole thing.”
“Rio!” Isogai gasped, horrified.
Asano hummed again. “Though personally inclined to disagree, I can appreciate the underlying pragmatism of your approach.”
Rio rolled her eyes and gave him a quick two-fingered salute. “I live to serve,” she drawled.
Karma cleared his throat. “Well, I, for one, offer Rio my full support,” he said with a wicked smirk. “Let’s just wipe Second Place’s memory and wash our hands of the whole thing.”
Asano scowled. “It would take more than simply washing your hands to rid yourself of all you’ve done.”
“I don’t know guys,” Nagisa began softly, effectively cutting off the verbal sparring match that was clearly about to take off. “It really does seem a little drastic.”
“A little drastic?” Sugino parroted incredulously. “This piece of shit knows about Koro-sensei!”
‘Piece of shit,’ Asano mouthed; Kayano snickered.
Bitch-sensei suddenly appeared in front of them and pinched Asano’s uninjured cheek. “But how could we memory wipe someone like him,” she simpered. “He’s just so adorable.”
Isogai was surprised that Asano allowed the contact for a few seconds before batting her hand away.
“I’m not adorable,” he snapped.
Koro-sensei, who had been uncharacteristically silent since the principal retreated, finally spoke up. “Shouldn’t I get a say?” he whined. “We’re talking about me, aren’t we?”
(He was, like so many people before him, ignored.)
“We should just curse him,” Hazama suddenly proposed. “Put a hex on his house—that’ll keep him silent.”
Asano turned to give her a flat look. “I live with the principal,” he deadpanned. “What curse is worse than that?”
Hazama seemed to consider this before nodding. “I see your point.”
It continued on like that—and so, with a long-suffering sigh, Isogai pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger.