Chapter Text
Neil’s dead.
He’s dead.
He’s fucking dead.
The words keep repeating over and over in Todd’s mind, not leaving him alone. They’re never leaving him alone. Never ever.
He’s brought out of his thoughts from Charlie’s shaky hand resting against his own. They’re at Neil’s funeral. It’s a closed casket funeral. He got his father’s shotgun and shot himself. He's killed himself. He’s gone, and he’s never coming back.
Todd makes eye contact with Mr. Perry who is a failure of a father. He killed his one and only son, and he just sits there unmoving.
He then looks to Neil’s mother, Mrs. Perry. She looks like a disaster. Her beautiful red and sparkling dress doesn’t match the paleness of her skin, her lips quivering with each second as the depressing music continues to play.
Todd stares back at the failure of a father and he has the urge to punch or hit him. He wants to scream his guts out at him. But what would that even prove? That he’s a child? Nothing will bring Neil back.
Nothing will ever be like what Neil’s kiss was. His soft lips against Todd’s. It was their first and only kiss. He wanted more.
Todd remembers their last conversation before the play.
**
They were in their dorm room, not even an hour before the play. Todd was talking to Neil and reassuring him as the taller boy was getting ready.
“Neil, I’m sure you’ll do great!” Todd had told him, his tone full of emotion.
Looking at him while putting his crown on, Neil looked hesitant. “You really think so? I’m a bit nervous,” he had admitted, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.
“Neil,” Todd had started as he gently grasped his hand with his own. “I’ll be there in the crowd, and I’ll be cheering you on. You’ll always be a star in my eyes.”
Neil’s eyes had formed into something soft and sweet, only reserved for the other boy. “You’ll always be a star to me, too,” he whispers and he leaned in, looking into those deep blue eyes.
Seeing him not back away, he smiled as he slowly pressed his lips against Todd’s, making the blonde’s breath hitch.
The shorter boy sighed as he closed his eyes. Oh, the first kiss was perfect. Neil’s lips were so gentle with him, no matter what kind of situation they could be in. As the kiss broke, he opened his eyes and stared into soft brown ones.
The brunette smiled. “After the play, we should start to make plans to move out of here. Maybe New York?” He had offered. “I want it to just be you and me. Forever.”
Todd blushed. “I’d love that.” He eventually told him, his voice soft and sweet.
Neil’s grin widened. “I’ll see you at the play!” He had shouted excitedly, running out of their dorm room as his fellow classmates cheered him throughout the hallway.
Todd smiled, watching his beloved boyfriend follow his hopes and dreams.
**
A harsh sob escapes from Todd’s throat, the memory being way too much for the poor boy.
He doesn’t even care that Mr. Perry is staring back at him with angry, disapproving eyes. He doesn’t care about anyone staring or judging him. He doesn't care about anything in this particular moment. He hates this. He hates that Neil’s body is lying in that damn casket in the center of the room.
“Todd,” Charlie whispers, concern evident in his tone of voice. “Shh, hey. It’s okay...”
He shakes his head frantically. “N—Neil’s dead…” the blonde sputters out, his crying worsening. “He’s not coming back…”
The brunette gently gives his hand a reassuring squeeze. His own eyes are watering as his best friend is no longer here. “Todd... I—” he chokes out, unable to keep his emotions in check either.
This funeral is hell, and everyone existing in the room is living in it.
Todd wants to die, and he’s never wanted to die so badly.
After a very long and hellish two hours, the funeral comes to an end. Welton now feels gloomier than it ever has, and Todd goes into their room.
His room. It’s only his now.
It’s no longer Neil and Todd’s room. It’s just Todd’s.
No more laughter. No more staying up late at night and talking. Nothing.
Charlie didn't follow him back into his dorm room as he is well aware that all of the poets need alone time, especially after a horrific incident such as this.
The blonde looks at Neil’s side, and he breaks into another tantrum of tears, his knees hitting the hardwood floor with a harsh thud.
It’s empty. His belongings are gone. His parents must've taken them out earlier and did God knows what to his belongings. Knowing Neil's dad, it's probably all thrown into the trash.
He probably doesn't see Neil as his child any longer. He probably doesn't even care about what he did after all.
He cries and cries, knowing that nothing can be done. Nothing can bring back the only person he’s truly loved.
He’d rather die than stay here. He’d rather fucking vanish. They were supposed to be together forever. It’s not fair.
After a long episode of crying and nearly throwing up, Todd stands up, trembling. He wipes his face with the sleeve of his uniform. He feels numb. He feels completely fatigued.
December 15th will always be another day that Todd loathes. It’ll be the anniversary where he could've done something, and it’ll haunt him every year for the rest of his life. It'll always mock him that he could've done something.
Finally laying in his ice-cold bed, the blonde falls into a deep dark sleep, tired from his crying. He doesn't even care to go under the sheets as his energy abruptly vanishes.
He's absolutely drained from everything and just hopes that it's a horrific nightmare and he'll wake up in Neil's arms once again.
1:50 am.
“Todd,” a familiar voice calls quietly, a hand resting in his blonde hair. “Todd.”
The boy opens his eyes, and he groans as they burn terribly. He’s cried so much and his voice is completely dry.
This is reality now.
“Hm?” Todd mutters out, his voice tired.
“It’s Charlie,” he hears, his tone soft. “I found something earlier, and I think it could fix things.”
The blonde makes no movement, not even letting himself be curious about what the other boy could’ve found.
“Todd,” Charlie pleads. “I swear that this’ll make everything back to the way it was. You could—you could save Neil.”
That makes the blonde sit up instantly, his blue eyes wide. “What?” He breathes. “What do you—”
His voice trails off as he looks at what is in Charlie’s hand. It looks like a watch of some sort that’s made of metal. It appears to be fancy.
“I found it earlier when I was digging through old things, and I—I think it’s a time traveling device,” Charlie explains with a serious voice.
Todd blinks, and can’t help but laugh. It sounds ridiculous. “I know that you’re trying to make me feel better, but—”
“I’m not joking. Not about something like this.”
The blonde looks at the brunette, and his laughing comes to an abrupt end. He looks back at the watch, and he anxiously swallows.
Charlie points to the device in his hand. “You could set it to December 14th, 1959, and things could go back to the way they were,” he explains. “I could have my best friend back, and you could have your lover back.”
“What if—” Todd stammers. “What if it malfunctions?”
Dalton shrugs. “It might. It might not. But, this could help change what happened,” he says. “If only you take that risk. I know it sounds crazy, but I think it could be worth it in the long run.”
As he’s handed the watch and slides it on his wrist, Todd takes a deep breath. “O—okay. I’ll try.”
Charlie smiles and sits there, letting the blonde observe it. “I’ll leave you to it, Todd. Good luck.”
As the door closes with a soft click, the shorter boy is surrounded in the always tense silence as he continues to look at it, and slowly starts to press in the date.
December 14th, 1950…
Wait.
1950?
Todd gasps as he immediately tries to fix the date, but it’s too late.
“Oh, no. No, no, no!” He cries out frantically as a white light blinds him.
“Todd—” he hears Charlie’s panicked voice for the last time.
Everything goes black.
“Woah!”
“Is he okay?”
Todd grunts from the sudden noises and shouts. As silence fills wherever he is, he starts to feel a cold breeze against his skin which causes him to shiver.
He opens his eyes and he groans as the sun hits his face. He instantly focuses on the two boys standing in front of him.
Todd sits up in the cold yet soft grass and begins to look around. He’s in a forest of some sort.
“Where—” he immediately stops himself. Why does his voice sound so squeaky? It sounds… weird.
He hears one of the boys’ chuckle. “He looks like he probably fell from a tree and hit his head hard. He probably has brain damage.”
“Charlie, shut up.” The other boy says.
Todd’s eyes widened. Charlie? He quickly turns back to the two boys and he blinks as he realizes that it’s…
Neil Perry and Charlie Dalton. But young. A lot younger.
“Wha…” He stammers as he tries out his new voice. “What…”
Younger Neil looks at him in confusion, about to ask what's wrong until Todd eventually blurts out:
“What the fuck happened?!”