Chapter Text
It's safe to say you've truly lost your mind when you try to find a certain Eurovision song as a desperate plea for help, just to ease the ache the impending depression seeks.
Rocky has been insistent on hearing Earth music, and my undiagnosed depressed brain just needed to remind me that I was sixteen light years away from home. Very not helpful if I do say so myself.
I've been missing a lot of things from home recently. My kids. My bed. Mcdonald's. My Dropout subscription (I bet Game Changer is at season thirteen by now and Dimension 20 has their seventh sold-out show at Madison Square Garden).
With Rocky's demands of Earth music, I've been thinking about what music would an Eridian like, trying to forget the ache that it gives me unless I want to have an aneurism. What would he like? Pink Floyd? Some Queen? Michael Jackson? Or some modern takes that his students like to rot their brains in? You can't go wrong with some Hatsune Miku. Maybe I could convince Rocky to put on some blue pigtails to make Rocky!Miku canon.
Eh. Could be something to do when they get to Erid.
Speaking of Hatsune Miku…
“Oh. I think I have something in mind, bud,” I say as I reach for my laptop, going through years and years of music. I'm trying to think about when a certain remix was created, since it was catchier than the original.
“Rocky excited for Earth music! Must be nice!” Rocky was trilling beside me as I scroll endlessly. “Must be made with human voice, nice melodies, unlike Grace when Grace sings.” Okay, ignoring that insult, by the way. “Earth songs must have beautiful big, great harmonies!”
Ah! There it is!
The heavy computerized notes of a song start blasting away in the Don't-Go-Crazy room, and Rocky finally stops his excited fidgeting, his whole body rigid in concentration.
I've actually missed this song. It's always been a meme that the most unassuming people would be listening to this song. I may not be, uh, the most unassuming, but I am still a grown man.
Dansa med oss
Klappa era händer
Gör som vi gör
Ta några steg åt vänster
I start to move my body to the beat. God, my students would be so amused seeing me actually enjoy a song that's considered a meme in their generation. A man can enjoy some Eurovision songs, okay? Caramelldansen is strangely hypnotic and catchy.
Lyssna och lär
Missa inte chansen
Nu är vi här med
Caramelldansen
I cautiously glanced at my alien rock friend and, to my surprise, he was swaying left and right, his primary hands up, excitedly trilling and singing to the song. So, I guess Rocky likes it.
“Amaze, amaze, amaze! Earth song so catchy!”
I let the song play until the end, Rocky practically jumping inside his hamster ball. He was enjoying the song as it is, unabashed and with no shame. With that much enthusiasm, I just couldn't help but dance along with him.
The first two rounds of the song were acceptable, but it has been a week and Rocky has been insisting on keeping the song playing non-stop.
Oh, how I wish this was a Hamilton reference; at least everything Lin-Manuel Miranda touches is something I actually enjoy even if I've had it on repeat (I should watch Tick-Tick-Boom with Rocky as revenge. He wouldn't like knowing that Jonathon Larson never got to live past his creation's prime. Rocky always had a grudge over the human life-span, moreso with the life-span of a dying man.)
I begrudge looking through Commander Yao's things. Distantly, I remember the older man owning a pair of ear plugs.
(I'm trying not to let the memory resurface; how Ilyukna has the penchant to break into song in between sentences, stringing words into melodies. If it were a Beatles song, Hatch would hum along. Lamai wasn't the most chatty out of all the heads of the project, but Ilyukna would rope the poor doctor into it. Lokken was a textbook tsundere, but put her in a room with Dimitri and Vodka and the night would be filled with song. Bob was just... Bob. No one really liked him on the ship. Ultimately, Stratt's Vat was a cochony of noise; scientists blabbering, engines running, the ship a hubub, busy bodies always moving.
Commander Yao came to me one day to request for ear plugs, the industrial kind. The kind where the only thing you can hear is your own heartbeat and the way air cycles through your lungs. Apparently, the man had a list of reasons why I should grant the request, as if I could say no to the man who volunteered to get into the Hail Mary, essentially offering his life to find a cure for their sun. I also know somewhere on his list was because Ilyukna's life goal is to star in High School Musical. I didn't need the list; I assured him that on the next ship restock, the ear plugs would be there.)
The desperate search for ear plugs while Caramelldansen continues playing around me has me frantically overwhelmed with all sorts of things; frustration, exasperation, grief. I don't need all these feelings swirling inside me. My only semblance of therapy in the vacuum of space is a Medical AI and a sentient rock who likes poking fun at me. Not today. Please.
The search was a success, but it was at the bottom of Yao's personal belongings, so at what cost? My mental stability, that's what. I've kept Ilyukna and Yao's belongings away from my usual foot traffic the whole time since, lest I lose my mind in grief. I know Rocky could hear me from wherever he was on the Mary while I sobbed, ruffling through my crewmate's lives in a canvas bag with no crewmate on board.
For dust you are and to dust you will return.
I just hope Ilyukna and Yao have returned to the stars.
I've holed myself in the control room. I was originally at the dorms, but the beat of Caramelldansen would vibrate through my body, and it's not the most pleasant experience. I gave Rocky a cursory glance before I headed to the control room. Rocky was still swaying to the beat while he scrolled through his own laptop I gave him. I guess Rocky could enjoy the song in my behalf.
Right now I've tasked myself to build my town in Animal Crossing, my whole body engulfed by the Earth quilt. I was basically swimming in comfort right now, warm and satisfied.
I don't know how long I was playing on the Switch in silence; it could be minutes, it could be hours. Honestly, even if my back felt like it was on fire, I didn't dare move from where I sat. My town was moving along, and despite not being able to trade any bells, I was seeing a surplus of it in my inventory. I did my best to pluck memories of places in San Francisco that I could remember. There wasn't much, but it was enough to create a place where I could say it looked like home.
Distantly, I could still feel the constant beating of a song, and I tried to ignore it. It's actually been a bit since I heard the song and I think I'm rather impressionable to hearing it again. I hum the tune quietly as I create my own lab in my home; it won't be complete, but it would be enough to feel like a lab that I had back in grad school. I continue humming the imaginary tune to the beat that I feel at my feet.
Then the beat turns faster, then frantic, then panicked. And mostly to my right side.
I furrowed a brow and looked towards it and Rocky was there, tapping at the xenonite enclosure he put there. Rocky was tapping with quick succession, just like their first contact, telling him to look at what was beyond my shoulder. So I did.
And I see... A man. Right outside the ship window. In the vacuum of space. A man in space.
Specifically...
"Superman?!"
I wish I could say I crashed out. I passed out instead.