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English
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WooshWoosh
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Published:
2026-05-19
Updated:
2026-06-02
Words:
12,203
Chapters:
3/?
Comments:
73
Kudos:
257
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62
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2,193

Hey Siri play stressed out by twenty one pilots

Summary:

“In Peter’s defense, he couldn’t just ignore the problem! I mean how can Spider-Man protect the little guy if there’s no more little guy!?”

Or, Peter Parker is sent to space! (Featuring Ryland Grace…and a spider rock?)

Notes:

Hi guys! It’s my very first ever fanfic I’ve ever created! How exciting omg. Thank you so much Awildcyclops for beta reading, couldn’t have mustered up the courage or idea without you! (⸝⸝⸝ᵒ̴̶̷̤ꇴᵒ̴̶̷̤⸝⸝⸝)

Honorable mention to a suggested title: Project Hail Peter (King of all Spiders)
Because we all hail Peter Parker, and should include him in everything everywhere.

Apologies for any mistakes anywhere, this is being posted at 4am and I have not slept :p

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Mission Save the Sun, GO!!!

Chapter Text

Peter is in trouble.

No seriously.

And it’s not his fault this time—no really!

In Peter’s defense, he couldn’t just ignore the problem! I mean how can Spider-Man protect the little guy if there’s no more little guy!?

When the Petrova line was discovered, and the news of the dimming sun hit every news station, Peter’s first reaction was panic. The sun cooling by 10 whole degrees practically guaranteed a new Ice Age. I can’t even thermoregulate properly. The cold will kill me so quickly and then I can’t go out Spider-manning! Oh god everyone on earth is going to diewhatdoidohowdoifix—Then panic turned into determination…or maybe bargaining.

But he wasn’t helpless! He knows tons on biology and engineering! Hell, that’s what he planned to get a degree in (one of his plans, at least), bioengineering! This genius IQ isn’t for nothing, right? Surely…surely Peter can intern somewhere or help in some way. He is literally Spider-Man, he has to do something. With great power comes great responsibility, and this time his spider powers won’t help. The “great power” is his brain.

He has the perfect connection to slide right in, an in with someone at Oscorp. It was one of the leading corporations in Genetics and Biological Science research in the USA, and they would definitely be joining in that saving-the-world research. Peter has previously disliked Oscorp on both ethical and personal grounds (i.e. their responsibility for a certain Spider bite he received not so long ago) but this is his only chance to help where it actually matters!

He will fix this. He needs to. Spider-Man’s done his part, now it’s Peter Parker’s turn to do the saving. What could possibly go wrong with trying?

 


 

Peter did land an intern job almost immediately, and, not to brag, managed a top assistant position on the Save-the-Sun project (more formally known as the Astrophage Initiative, but Peter likes his name choice better) in just two weeks!

Peter wasn’t lying when he said Oscorp was top of the line in the US, after someone discovered that astrophage was alive (yes alive! He cannot believe alienlifeisrealthisisawesome—), and non-toxic to humans, 2 astrophage were sent immediately to be examined by the top scientist in genetics and biology, Dr. Curt Connors, who was officially Peter’s direct supervisor, but in practice more like a particularly experienced lab partner.

A nice man, honestly, who seemed very passionate about his own projects. Peter found that he was amicable to work with, and they bounced many ideas off each other.

There were two problems that needed to be solved: how can we breed more astrophage, and how can we stop it from eating our sun.

With his background in cross-species research, biochemistry, and genetic engineering, there was a hope that he could figure out if it bred similarly to anything on earth and if there was some weakness in the astrophage to exploit using organic material already found on earth's surface.

Finding a weakness was a bust, but in just 4 days they figured out how to breed astrophage! Peter felt a spark of warm pride at this. It was progress, and it soothed his worries just slightly.

Okay…turns out they figured out how to do that already, some guy named Ryland of all things did it before they could, but it only took us a day longer! And besides, who names their kid Ryland? Lame. Peter didn’t feel discouraged though, clearly it’s a great sign that so many capable scientists are working on saving the world.

Dr. Connors—just call me Curt, Peter—shifted the project's view onto the preservation of our warmth and food after it was realized that our astrophage research was dangerous and also no longer necessary.

This was just as important! Peter knew that a space mission was in the works, a star in the Tau Ceti system was not fading despite being in infection range as all the other dimming stars were. But that took time, and humans would run out of warmth and food if they didn’t start planning now. May would’ve known what to do. She gave so much and cared so greatly for everyone, Peter included. He missed her terrible cookies, and the warmth she carried, clearly her soul overflowing with a burning kindness and resilience he could only hope to emulate.

Peter speculated almost everything—distribution, statistics, engineering—Maybe he could create some kind of advanced preservation method to increase the viability of produce? Perhaps a way to clone food quickly and in large amounts? What about the warmth…how do we conserve heat without destroying our protective atmosphere?

Over the course of a little more than a year, Peter worked closely with many scientists to to solve these problems with some modicum of success.

On his off times, he continued going out as Spider-Man, helping out the little guy. He had to keep the morale up. His people needed hope, and if he could help them even the smallest amount, then he would.

Things were looking up, and Peter felt the fire of hope grow, sparking in his chest as the launch of the Hail Mary came closer.

 


 

Things were NOT looking up.

“What do you mean, ‘benefit of the better people’!? Just who do you think you are!?”

Peter screeched in rage.

“Peter, Peter, listen.” Curtis—no, Dr. Connor said quickly “There’s nothing we can do, Oscorp has to follow certain priorities, the investors—“

FUCK THE INVESTORS, how dare you! We look out for everyone. We need to save everyone. How can you say that whentheyarepeopleTOO!”

A crowd of people surrounded him as he wailed in anger. They want to prioritize their VIP customers. What about the common people, the little guy? This is not what Peter signed up for! He thought they were saving the world, but apparently their definitions of world greatly differed.

Before he realized it, he had slammed his hand into the nearest table, a huge dent left in its wake as musical screeches of anger left his throat - sounds that were unmistakably inhuman.

“All of you are sick! How can you support this? How can money matter so much at a time like this?”

But no one answered. They stared in shock, and a sick fascination gleamed in some of their eyes. That’s when Peter realized what he had done. The sounds he had let escape him in his fury. He was usually much better at hiding his more inhuman traits, but there was no turning back now. He felt a shiver run up his spine despite the warm temperature. Something was wrong.

Dr. Connor looked at him in horror- or maybe disbelief, and Peter let himself be dragged away. If they have to kick him out, fine. He won’t work for such a despicable company any longer. He can find his own way to help others and—what?

Peter felt a prick on his neck.

The tingling up his spine increased. His spider sense, it had been ringing this whole time, he realized, much too late.

His vision went black.

 


 

 

 

P…ter

…ake…p

…Im sorry

Peter blearily squinted his eyes open just barely, his head pounding fiercely.

“He has Spider DNA! So fascinating, it’s corresponding with the same Spider we lost all those years ago.”

“He must be that little hero who showed up around the same time…Spider-Man.”

Peter felt a chill seep deep into his chest. They knew, oh god, they knew. They took my blood.

His vision faded again.

And then he was back once more. Another conversation went on above him. He strained his normally sensitive ears to understand through his disorientation.

“They lost two main scientists for the expedition…and we can’t let him just go free anyways. Everyone will riot, especially on the words of their Beloved Spider-Man.” A man said, a sneer lacing his tone.

“Well, if he wants to be a noble hero, he can do it from that damn ship. We’ll send him on that mission, surely a secondary scientist for assistance would be ideal after such a last minute switch.”

Peter’s heart is racing in his chest. Please don’t mean what I think it means. I’m not ready, you can’t do this. I want May.

A pause in the air, a sudden beep increasing“…Ah his heart spiked, are you hearing us, Parker? Looks like we need a stronger dose..”

“Figure it out, I’ll get in contact with Stratt and let her know she has a willing and enhanced scientist to assist.”

Peter whined as the stern voices faded. Nonono I want to go home! Pleaseplease—