Chapter Text
The figure on the bed was absolutely still. Lifeless. Lying on the back, covered by a plain white blanket. With tubes sneaking out from underneath the sheet, connected to machines. The beeping incredibly annoying.
The head was wrapped in bandages which were just as white as the sheets.
The face was familiar, but also different. Eyes closed. Lips slack. The bone structure had become more prominent since the last time. And the skin... the skin had never been so pale.
It looked like a mannequin that someone had forgotten to give some color to make it appear more lifelike.
But this wasn't a mannequin. It was a person. A real person.
Wille.
Wille. Unconscious. And lifeless. And older.
He almost wished it was just a mannequin, because this was...
Simon blinked.
Why the fuck did he have tears in his eyes? They hadn't been together in years. Eight almost. Seven years and eight months to be exact, but who was counting?
Also, Wille was still alive and cared for by some of the best doctors in Sweden. Nothing to worry about.
He was still alive, right? Simon couldn't see him breathing, and his body didn't look like there was any life left. But the machines would be even more annoying if he wasn't, right? Or they would be quiet. But they were beeping in a steady, unnerving rhythm, measuring god knows what.
Wille was at a hospital. Unconscious, but alive. For now.
What even happened?
How serious was it?
They hadn't really given Simon any details when they had called. They had just said ‘accident’ and told him what hospital to come to.
So, he had come.
Why had he come?
Why had they even called?
It's not like they were close or anything. Not anymore. Not like they used to be. Not at all actually.
Their relationship had imploded just like it was always going to. They were never going to work out. Not because they didn't love each other, but because the world either loved them too much or hated them too much, either way never allowing them to just be. For a while they had been young and naive enough to believe that their feelings for each other would be strong enough to face anything. They had thought that they could be free to just be themselves after Wille had stepped away from the crown, but things had just gotten worse. In the eye of the public everything had always been Simon's fault. He had persuaded the crown prince to renounce the throne. He had used the prince to gain publicity for his own music career. He had poisoned Wille's mind with his liberal ideas. And eventually he had broken the heart of the former prince. None of it was true. But all of it had destroyed them.
They had never even had a real breakup. There just had been a lot of fights, always around the issues that were forced on them by the outside world. And one day neither of them had come back to apologize. To try and fix what had already been broken beyond repair.
Simon had fallen apart and at the same time he had felt like he could finally breath freely again.
He had put all of his pain into music, selling the songs anonymously to other artists. No one could ever know that the man who was responsible for everything that had gone wrong with the royal family was still making music or he would never be able to sell another song.
"Excuse me." The voice startled Simon back into reality. Back to the bland hospital room with the annoying beeping and the pale figure on the bed.
He realized that he was blocking the door and stepped aside.
He had never even made it all the way into the room.
Because he shouldn't be here. No one should have called him in the first place, and he certainly shouldn't have come.
Where was Wille's family? His friends? He was still close with Felice, right? They had built a business together after all. Many people believed they might even be dating. A much more suitable partner for the former crown prince than Simon, for sure.
But still, Simon was the only one here.
Well, him and the nurse, who checked the monitors and made some notes. He gave Simon a little smile after he was done. "The vitals are looking good. His condition has been stable for the last two hours."
"Is he..." Simon's voice sounded pathetic. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Is he going to be okay?"
The nurse looked down at Wille's pale figure. "I don't really want to speculate. I'm sure the doctor will be able to tell you more tomorrow. But as I said, he is stable for now. That is good sign."
"What happened to him?"
"A bad fall, that's all I know. Sorry." With an apologetic smile the nurse left the room, and Simon was alone with Wille again.
He took a step forward. And another one. Not able to take his eyes of Wille's face, even though it was almost unbearable to look at.
Simon should probably go. He had no right to be here.
Except there was no one else.
If he left, Wille would be all alone.
Which shouldn't matter, because Wille was unconscious, and he'd never know. But he looked so small and vulnerable, and everything in this room was sterile and cold, and no one should be left alone like this.
For some reason they had called him. Simon.
He still didn't understand why.
All he knew was that his heart had stopped when the voice had told him that Wille had been in a life-threatening accident. Without thinking Simon had left his apartment and made his way to the hospital, terrified to learn that he might be too late. That he would never get to see Wille again. Or hear him laugh. Or hug him tight.
None of this was ever going to happen again anyways, but at least Wille had still been out there. Living his life. A life he had chosen for himself, not dictated by the crown.
That knowledge had been something.
Never enough, but something.
And Wille was still alive. Stable. For now. Whatever that meant.
Simon finally admitted to himself that he wouldn't be able to leave Wille until he knew for sure that he would keep on living. So, he grabbed a chair from the corner and pulled it next to the bed. He sat down and studied Wille's face again. Silently begging him to open his eyes, which of course didn't happen.
Simon folded his hands in his lap to keep himself from touching the pale cheeks. He had no right to do that.
He concentrated on his own breathing and on keeping the tears back. There was absolutely no reason to cry, so he wouldn't do that.
What was underneath the bandage on his head?
What had happened?
How bad was it?
Was he going to wake up again? Please, please let him wake up again.
Why was his skin so fucking pale?
Simon felt something cool on his hand and looked down. A drop of water. Was the ceiling leaking in this hospital? That seemed unsafe.
He glanced to the ceiling but couldn't see a wet spot, and a look out the window told him that it wasn't even raining.
He looked down again, and a second drop joined the first one.
Fuck. He wasn't supposed to be crying.
The door opened and Felice stepped in. Well, she took half a step, and then stopped. Eyes widening, looking from the figure on the bed to Simon.
She was wearing a perfectly fitted, light orange blouse, opened at the collar, and black jeans. Something that worked for both, the successful business woman and the environmental influencer that she was. But her hair was a mess. Curls going in all directions. Something that no one would ever get to see on camera.
Simon and Felice weren’t exactly close, but they had run into each other over the years. Usually at Sara’s birthday parties. Simon had always liked Felice, but she had always been Wille’s friend first. And after their relationship had ended, Simon would have felt weird contacting her again.
Felice was someone who actually had a reason to be here. At Wille’s side. His best friend and business partner.
Simon stood up. “Sorry, I…,” Simon began, not sure how he could explain his presence.
“Simon!” Felice’s face split into a smile. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”
“Me either, to be honest. Someone called and I… I came,” he ended lamely.
“Well, I’m glad. I was worried that Wille had been alone this whole time.”
“You don’t think it’s strange that I’m here?”
Felice shrugged. “It’s surprising, but I’m sure Wille would be happy to know that you still cared enough to show up.” She came to the other side of the bed and looked down at Wille. “How is he?”
“Stable, I guess. For now. No one really told me anything. I don’t even know what happened.” It was embarrassing how his voice almost cracked.
Felice focused on Simon again. “Wait… you didn’t show up because you saw the news?”
Of course, this was already on the news. Because for some reason the public still cared about the man who had spent his whole life avoiding any kind of publicity. “Ehm… no. Someone called me.”
“Interesting.” Felice cocked her head to the side. “I know you said that before, but I just assumed… I asked our assistant to reach out to Wille's emergency contact, half afraid that it would be me. But then I figured it was probably his parents.”
“That would make a lot more sense than me.”
Felice didn’t answer immediately, her eyes moving back to Wille’s face. Her expression had gone soft. “Not necessarily. Things with his family have become even more complicated over the years. He barely talks to them anymore.”
“Well, we don’t talk at all, so…”
“But you still came.” She looked up.
“Yeah.” Simon really didn’t want to go into the why. He didn’t even want to think about the why. “I’m sure he has other people he’d rather have here.”
“I doubt it. Maddie and me are the only people he spends a lot of time with. And Maddie is in Brazil right now to report on deforestation of the Amazonas. I’ve been trying to get Wille to make new friends, but he’s only interested in his work. Says people always try to take advantage of him, either to get close to his family or to look for some scandal they can profit from.”
Simon nodded. That is something he understood better than he had ever wanted to. It had happened to him as well. Not as often as Wille, but often enough. People trying to get close to him, because he was easier to get to than Wille himself. People who weren’t interested in him, but what he could do for them. He had absolutely hated it. His closest friends were still the people he had known before he had ever laid eyes on Prince Wilhelm. Rosh and Ayub. Sara, of course.
But when he thought about Wille not having anyone besides Felice and Maddie in his life, Simon’s heart broke a little bit for the man he had once loved more than anything. He swallowed down the thing that had formed in his throat and asked quietly, “But if he doesn’t have any other friends, and I was listed as his emergency contact… then you and I are the only one’s… Maybe we should at least let his parents know?”
Simon absolutely did not want to talk to Kristina or Ludvig, and he was hoping that Felice would volunteer. But if she didn’t, he would. Because that is what an emergency contact is supposed to do, right? Inform everyone? He could be useful and do something, instead of just sitting here and convincing himself that he wouldn’t cry.
“Oh, I’m sure they know”, Felice replied dryly. “It’s all over the news, remember? I’m sure they’ve been briefed.”
Right. Someone would have informed the Queen. Someone who would not have forgotten about Wille’s parents like Simon had.
“But I’m glad I got here, before they did. Wille hates to be alone with them. And I know he is unconscious and all, but it would still feel wrong,” Felice said. “The whole thing with the police just took forever.”
“So, you were there when it happened?” Simon gestured towards Wille’s unmoving body.
“Well, not exactly.” Felice grabbed a chair for herself and sat down. Simon followed her example. “I couldn’t have been. The places Wille goes aren’t exactly places anyone goes except him, right?” She smirked.
Simon nodded. Yes, he knew. He had tried not to keep up with Wille’s life too closely, but he had also never really been able to ignore any of the pictures his algorithm had fed to him. Also, he followed Real Nature Revolution, the environmental group Felice, Maddie and Wille had founded, on social media. They posted exactly three things there:
- The causes they were supporting. Meticulously chosen and researched by Maddie. It was the usual stuff. Tree planting projects. Clean-up initiatives. Climate change awareness programs.
- Short videos of Felice. She had become the face of the company and a well-known environmental influencer. And she did all the usual stuff that kept the internet talking. She regularly brought the attention of their followers to different issues, gave tips on how to live environmentally conscious lives, and hyped up Wille’s adventures.
- Wille’s nature photographs. It wasn’t actually public knowledge who took them, but of course Simon knew. He had always known. They were not the usual stuff at all. They were the thing that set RNR apart from any other environmental group. They were the thing that had brought them thousands of followers inside and outside of Sweden. They showed people the things that they usually wouldn’t be able to see, because it was too dangerous to get there. But Wille went there. Up some impossible mountains, deep down into the ocean, alone in the dessert. The stories of how those photographs were taken were just as fascinating as the pictures themselves. Actually, Simon thought the stories were mostly terrifying, but he still listened to them regularly, needing to know that Wille had made it back in one piece. Would there be pictures of whatever he had been up to today?
When they had first come up with the idea for RNR – on a not exactly sober night – there had been a fourth component. They had planned the add a soundtrack to the photographs. Short pieces composed by Simon.
Obviously, that part had never happened. Simon had not expected any of it to ever happen. They had just been friends in their early twenties, coming up with crazy ideas while sitting on the floor, eating potato chips and drinking wine. But then somehow it had happened, and Simon had not been a part of it, because he had not been a part of that group anymore. Sometimes he wondered if Wille ever wished Simon’s music would accompany his photographs as they had originally planned.
Simon might have composed one or two pieces that fit the photographs and the adventurous stories behind them. When he was bored or couldn’t sleep. Alone at night. Feeling a little sorry for himself or maybe just inspired. Of course, he had never played that music for anyone, let alone sent it to Wille or even Felice.
He should have stopped looking at Wille’s photographs long ago anyways. But he had never been able to pull himself away. Sometimes he could convince himself, that it was just about the art and not the man who had taken them.
They had discovered Wille’s talent for photography during that one perfect summer they had had after Hillerska was forced to close down. Sara, Felice, Wille and Simon had gone on a road trip all over Sweden, discovering beautiful, remote places, laughing until their stomachs hurt, and just feeling happy and free. Like the world belonged to them and anything was possible.
That illusion had come crashing down as soon as they had returned to reality. Going to different schools, having to deal with the fallout of more and more Hillerska scandals being uncovered, and the shitstorm that followed Wille’s official announcement to step back from the throne. So much of it Simon’s fault in the eye of the public.
It had been manageable for a while, until it hadn’t been. Simon and Wille both finding strength in their art and with each other. But eventually not even another road trip had been able to fix, what the constant public scrutiny had broken.
That first summer had been the happiest time of Simon’s life, and it had been over quicker than he had been ready for. He still found himself looking for the memories of it in the pictures Wille had taken back then, and even in the newer ones. Was that why Wille did it? What motivated him to photograph nature in increasingly dangerous places? Was he also still chasing that feeling of freedom and possibility from that summer long ago?
Those were the kind of questions that sometimes kept Simon up at night. When he really shouldn’t be thinking about Wille. He should never be thinking about Wille. But then a new photograph was posted or sold at an auction for an insane amount of money that would be donated to some environmental project, and Simon wasn’t strong enough to not look at it. Study it. Admire it. Wille really was incredibly talented. And maybe also a little bit insane.
“Simon?”
Simon looked up, and realized that Felice was watching him curiously. How long had he been staring at Wille’s face, lost in the past?
“Ehm… what?” he asked and felt heat creep up his neck.
“Are you alright?”
“Yes. Fine.” Simon tried to remember what they had been talking about. His eyes automatically shifting back to Wille. So motionless and pale. “So, what happened?”
“He climbed down into an old mine.”
“A mine? Not much nature down there, is there?” Simon really wouldn’t know.
“Not much, no. But there is some snow and ice in this one that hasn’t melted in almost a hundred years.”
“And it’s melting now?”
Felice shrugged. “That’s what people are claiming.”
“So, Wille went down to find out and document it?” Simon guessed.
“Of course.” Felice smiled sadly. “I had a bad feeling about it from the beginning, but no one has ever been able to talk Wille out of getting the pictures he wanted. And he is a skilled climber. The mine also hasn’t collapsed in over a hundred years, so what could go wrong, right?” Felice wasn’t looking at Simon anymore. She was staring at Wille’s face. But Simon could still see that tears that had begun to pool in her eyes. “I should have stopped him.”
“You wouldn’t have been able to. He would have just done it alone.” Simon might not have talked to Wille in seven years and eight months, but some things never changed. Wille was stubborn. And impulsive. A combination that had gotten him into trouble more than once. Never like this though. “So, the nurse mentioned that he fell?”
“That’s one way of putting it. His rope broke. Or his harness. Or I don’t know. Police is still investigating. Either way, he crashed to the ground onto some rocks. Apparently, the last traces of a professional climb were more than ten meters above where the found him.” A shiver went down Simon’s spine. Wille was lucky to be alive. Barely. The thought of him lying broken in absolute darkness made Simon sick. “Wille and me are always on a radio when he does these crazy things. So, I… I heard it.” Felice’s voice was shaking. “One minute he was talking to me and then he cursed. There was some weird noise and then nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just some static cracks and he didn’t reply anymore. You’d expect to hear a huge crash or something, right? But nothing. It was just so quiet. And I was standing up there and he didn’t reply. I was sure he was…” Felice didn’t finish the sentence and Simon was glad. He didn’t want her to say it. To speak the possibility into the room that Wille could very well have… Felice was fully crying now. Simon handed her a tissue. He didn’t have many left, but he wouldn’t need them. He wasn’t going to cry. He wasn’t.
Felice cleaned her nose and took a few shaky breaths before she continued to talk. “It took them almost three hours to get him out of there. They said he was in a spot that was difficult to get to. No surprise there, I guess. And then, when they lifted him out of that hole, I didn’t even recognize him. His hair was red from all the blood, his lips blue. He looked so tiny and broken. And… and then they wouldn’t let me go with him into the ambulance, because the police had questions, and they said there was nothing I could do for him anyways. But I just wanted to be there, you know. I didn’t want him to be alone. I know, it’s stupid.”
“It’s not,” Simon said quietly, and Felice finally looked at him again. Eyes red and swollen. Face wet from all the tears.
She swallowed, but her voice was still hoarse. “I’m glad he wasn’t alone. Thank you for showing up, Simon. He has always been able to count on you.”
Simon just nodded, because he didn’t know what to reply. Yes, he had always shown up, when Wille had asked him to. But he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or just self-destructive.