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Bite my shiny metal ass.
Those were words printed on Fry’s arm since he turned 18. Supposedly, at least according to the basic premise of society, they were meant to be the first words spoken by his very own soulmate. Unfortunately, Fry had never really understood what those words even met. He knew nobody with a shiny ass, let alone metal. The only metal things he did interact with on a daily basis were the video games he often played at the arcade, or at the pizza place where he worked. He doubted he would date a video game, however, no matter how much he might enjoy them.
The phrase, unfortunately for Fry, also happened to be quite vulgar. Was his soulmate some kind of jerk? Fry had never seen himself as the type to fall for the bad ones. And yet, the words printed on his skin told him differently. He felt somewhat embarrassed, due to the nature of the words, and thus he kept his arms covered with the red jacket he began to wear on an almost constant basis. He’d rather not have anyone take notice. He himself didn’t understand the nature or source of the words, and he’d rather nobody else attempt to figure it out either.
As his life continued, graduating high school (barely) and taking a job as a delivery boy, he made several attempts to find his supposed soul mate. He would show up often to various costume parties, hoping to speak to someone dressed as a machine, or robot, or someone else. It seemed the most logical to him, at least at the time. Yet, no matter how much he tried, he never found anyone who seemed to fit the bill.
All of that changed when he somehow wound up in the year 3000. Suddenly, he was thrust into a whole new universe, with spaceships and robots and cyclops and so much more. And suddenly, he had hope for the first time in his life that he would perhaps find the soulmate he had always been looking for. Yet, he was never sure. He didn’t know if the whole soulmate schtick was even a thing in the future, let alone if he would actually be able to meet them, with the whole expanse of space to travel through. He somehow felt both more hopeful and more hopeless than ever.
Even so, as he continued his life in the future, delivering packages with the new family and crew he had made for himself, he started to wonder. Bender, the robot who had somehow became his best friend, had spoken the very words on his arm the first time they met. But the doubt lingered. Bender was mean, selfish, and morally corrupt. Everything Fry had avoided in a partner. But then again, words didn’t lie. Not to mention, Fry cared about Bender in more ways than he had cared about any other person, human or robot. The automaton was sweet and even charming when he wanted to be, and it took all Fry had to avoid the butterflies in his stomach whenever the robot looked at him in a certain way. If only if there was a way to confirm. He began to study the robot, whenever he felt the automaton wasn’t looking. He would let his eyes wander over the shiny metal of his chest and arms and legs, trying, searching for something that might give him a clue. Some sort of proof that this robot could be the one he was searching for, despite the conflicting personalities the two held.
Meanwhile, despite Fry’s best efforts to be inconspicuous, he was entirely obvious. However, as Bender didn’t exactly know what the skintube was trying to accomplish, he assumed the human was checking him out, despite his warning that he was not and would never be a robosexual. And yet, Bender couldn’t help but feel slightly flattered, as he watched the eyes of the redhead wander over his body. Something about this human was different. Better, even.
He shook those thoughts from his processor, reeling at the path his mind had chosen to wander down. And yet, the human had basically quoted the same exact words engraved on Bender’s side when they first met (albeit in English, rather than the miniscule, binary code only Bender, and other robots could understand). But that was ridiculous. Robots didn’t have soulmates, at least not human ones. It was all a load of bullshit, at least in Bender’s perspective. Soulmates were just something humans created to make suckers feel better, rather than dying alone. Nothing more, nothing less.
He had never really bought into the soulmate crap, even as his fellow automatons fell for each other with engraved binary code the only thing guiding them. It was ridiculous, and ignorant, and foolish even. Robots weren’t supposed to feel love, let alone have soulmates. Not to mention, the words printed on Bender’s own side were used towards him many times before, albeit in a more sarcastic, mocking tone. Humans were terrible, cruel even to robotkind. They only saw robots as mere tools. The soulmate thing was just another joke played on automatons, to fool them into thinking they could somehow be similar. Nothing was special about it. It was just another cheap trick, in order to convince robots to work harder, and procreate to work more.
Yet somehow, Fry was different. He only saw Bender as a friend, as something more than a robot. He viewed Bender as an equal, with a hint of admiration that shined through and demonstrated that Fry might even look up to him. It was something the automaton had never seen before from any organic life form, human or not.
Even as the two came to these realizations, neither wanted to do anything about it. Denial followed the two like a heavy cloud, hiding their true thoughts and feelings in favor of ignorance. It seemed ridiculous, foolish even, that a human and robot could ever possibly be soulmates, even in this day and age of the future. It was nothing more than a pipe dream. So they avoided it, basking in the bliss of their own ignorance.
This was the reason why Fry began to chase after Leela, the beautiful cyclops he first met when he arrived. She was everything all the stories had told him about soulmates. She was beautiful, thoughtful, kind, charming, strong, intelligent, and everything else a person could want in a partner. Yet every time, she rejected him. No matter how much he tried to impress her, to demonstrate his love for her, every single time she said no. Yet, he could never grasp why.
Leela herself, however, knew exactly why. He wasn’t meant for her, and she wasn’t meant for him. The words didn’t match up, and soulmate writing didn’t lie. At least in her opinion. Not to mention it had always felt off. Forced. As if Fry was trying hard to love someone he actually never did like, at least as more than anything but friend. She never had felt more than platonic feelings for the redhead, and maybe some motherly protectiveness that his naivety allowed her. But she knew it was wrong. He was avoiding something, someone. And Leela had a feeling she knew exactly who that someone was.
She couldn’t deny to herself that she had indeed checked the words printed on his arm while doing the scan, hoping somewhere deep down that she had found the one all the fairy tales told her about. She was hoping that it would match, that they would be able to live a wonderful, loving life that she had wished for since she was a small, young orphan. Of course, that wasn’t the case, as was her luck. Instead, the words read something that she heard often, later on in her life. The words were the ones she heard on an almost daily basis, coming from the bending unit who worked with her on the ship.
A part of her wondered if she should interfere, or let the two figure it out on their own. After all, it wasn’t right to meddle in the love lives of others, especially when those others happened to be her coworkers and friends. Yet, she couldn’t help become frustrated as the two floundered, dancing around each other like puppets on strings. It was almost unbearable, and it took all of her self control not to snap and force them to just date already.
However, as each day passed, her patience grew thin. After a few weeks, she finally gave in, dragging Fry off to a quiet corner of the planet express building.
“Look Fry, it’s obvious you and Bender like each other. A lot. Not to mention the words on your arm are exactly the kind of thing he says all the time. Don’t think I haven’t noticed that. You two are meant to be together. I can feel it.”
“I don’t know Leela. I just...don’t think it’s him. He’s my best friend! That’s all. Plus, I’m not sure he’s even interested in me as anything more than a friend. And...and I’m not interested in him, either!”
“Man up, Fry! Bender acts tough, but he’s actually not too hard to approach.”
“But I’m not a man. I’m a delivery boy.”
Leela just sighed.
Bender himself was just as stubborn, and becoming more and more tense as the days wore on. He was so confused by the thoughts that constantly ran through his processors. Like how Fry looked nice today, or how Fry was actually really funny. Just...Fry Fry Fry...It was frustrating as hell. He was supposed to hate humans, and yet here he was, unable to get his thoughts off the redheaded meatbag. It was yet another day where his mind was racing, and he was continuing to attempt to avoid his own emotions towards the fleshwad, when Amy walked in.
“Oh, good morning, Bender! You’re here early today.”
“Shut up!”
“Alright alright, jeeze. Someone’s crabby today.” She turned around, leaving the room again.
Leela, meanwhile, was still wondering why the two hadn’t gotten together, and why the hell Fry was still asking her out, when really he should be asking Bender. Finally, after the one hundred twenty second date proposal (she’d been counting), she cut Fry off, grabbing his arm and dragging him into the room where Bender sat, watching another rerun of “All My Circuits.” She then sat him down next to the robot, as Bender stared in confusion.
“Bender, what does your engraving say?” Leela demanded, crossing her arms and giving him a look that spoke of bodily damage if he said anything wrong.
Bender began reluctantly, concern evident at the path this situation was heading for. “01010111 0110-”
She cut him off, “In English, asshole.”
He sighed, avoiding eye contact. Why was she doing this to him? Didn’t she knew all of this soulmate garbage was some phoney baloney bullshit? So what if Fry’s first words to him were printed on his side? So what if maybe, possibly he favored Fry over everyone else? So what if he found the human endearing, and maybe even attractive? So what if Fry was wonderful to him, and he would protect him with his own life? It wasn’t her business. He replied anyways though, fearing for the safety of his own shiny metal ass. “It says: ‘Wow! A real live robot!’ Are you happy, now?”
She nodded, before turning to Fry. “Now Fry, what does your mark say?”
Fry blinked, still unsure of exactly what was going on. After a few seconds, he finally caught on, and frowned. This wasn’t what he wanted to happen. It was all probably just some big misunderstanding, right? Bender wasn’t his soulmate. Leela was. It didn’t matter that Bender was funny, and charming, and just plain enjoyable to be around. It didn’t matter that Fry was willing to search the heavens to find the robot. It didn’t matter that when Bender smiled at him, or laughed, or just was there, it gave him this weird funny feeling in the pit of his stomach. After all, that’s what friends were supposed to be like, right? Leela was his soulmate. She was everything a soulmate was supposed to be. She didn’t steal, or lie, or act like a jerk to small animals. She was wonderful. And yet, there was still that lingering doubt as Fry finally managed to mutter out his reply.
“Louder, Fry.” Leela glared at him, obviously annoyed.
“It says, ‘Bite my shiny metal ass.’” he repeated, loud enough for them both to hear.
“Now, I don’t know about you guys, but to me that sounds like the first things you two might’ve said to each other.”
“Hey, you don’t know me!” Bender exclaimed, crossing his arms in a way similar to a petulant child.
“Bender, you say that all the time,” Fry interrupted.
“Yeah, well so do a lot of robots! I’m not the only one!”
“Sure…Look, what will it take for you two idiots to see that you’re meant to be together?” Leela stated, obviously wanting to make it clear to the two.
“Nothing! I’m not a robosexual!” Bender stated, obviously determined.
“Yeah, what he said!” Fry added on.
Leela huffed, before realizing that it was a lost cause. The two would have to figure it on their own, and no amount of meddling was going to change that. They would figure it out one day, even if it took them several decades. She turned around, leaving the room and heading into the kitchen. Unfortunately, she just happened to stumble right across what seemed to be a betting pool, run by Hermes himself. Not only that, but said betting pool seemed to be based upon the nature of Fry and Bender’s relationship. It seemed as though Leela was not the only one to catch on. In fact, everyone in the planet express building seemed to have joined in, including Scruffy the janitor.
“Hermes!” she exclaimed, a note of offense in her voice.
“Oh, hey Leela! You wanna get in on dis bettin’ pool?” Hermes replied, obviously unperturbed.
“No, I do not! You can’t just bet on people’s relationships! It’s just...just plain wrong!”
“Not if dey don’t know about it. Now how about it? You could make a lotta money.”
She sighed, before glancing around. “....Alright. Fine. Put me up for $20 on 10 years.”
“Nice choice. I’ll be takin’ dat money now.” He held out his hand, and Leela slapped a $20 bill into it. He grinned. “Pleasure doin’ business with ya, captain.”
“Yeah yeah, whatever.” She rolled her eyes, before heading to the ship to perform some routine maintenance.
Back at Fry and Bender’s apartment, a few hours later, the two were drinking and watching the latest episode of their favorite soap opera, “All My Circuits.” Fry was fairly tipsy, and he couldn’t stop himself from idly studying Bender again. The doubts he had from earlier that day resurfaced, and he attempted to find the engraving that Leela had mentioned. After she had pointed it out, he realized that they still do have soulmates. Or...at least the markings for it. However, he was as obvious as ever, and Bender stared at him.
“Take a picture, meatbag. It’ll last longer,” the robot stated in a somewhat annoyed tone. However, there was a hint, if one payed close attention, of something that showed he found it somewhat endearing.
“Oh uh...sorry about that…I just was…”
“I know what you were doing. Don’t worry about it, buddy.”
“Oh...Hey Bender?”
“Yeah, Wiggles?”
Fry blinked. That nickname hadn’t been used in a while. But right. Back to the point he was trying to make. “Why aren’t we together?” Again. The whole lack of filter thing.
Bender recoiled at that, surprised at the question. However, he was even more surprised that he didn’t...actually have a decent answer. Sure, he could lie, but what would be the point? Wouldn’t it just be better for both of them if they just...accepted it? “I...I dunno,” Bender answered, more honest than he’d ever been in his entire life.
“Yeah...I don’t know either. I mean. I like you. A lot. And uh...you like me...right?” A hint of insecurity shined through in the question.
“....Yeah...yeah I do. I don’t even know how but you managed to win me over, fleshwad.”
“I guess I could say...I stole your heart.” Fry couldn’t help but snicker at his own joke.
Bender shoved him, snickering as well. “Shaddup, Fry. But yeah...I guess you could say that. Although robots don’t really have hearts. Unless you count this one.” Bender pulled out a human heart from his chest compartment.
“I’m not sure I wanna know how you got that.”
“Yeah. You probably don’t.”
“So does this mean we are actually...um….yknow….”
“Soulmates? Nah. Soulmates are just something humans made up to make suckers feel better, rather than dying alone.”
Fry’s face dropped at that, a disappointed expression coming across it. “Oh…”
“Psh, I’m just messing with ya. I mean, I used to think that way, and I’m still not really sure, but I guess we should at least give it a shot. You never know what could happen. Not to mention you are pretty cute. For a meatbag.”
“Yeah...” Fry grinned, before pressing a gentle kiss to Bender’s mouthplate. It was even better than he had imagined, and he was finally admitting to himself that, yes, he had imagined it.
Bender chuckled, pulling the human closer and giving him another robot equivalent of a smooch, sparks zapping from his mouthplate to the other’s lips. Maybe this whole soulmate thing could work out after all...