Archive of Our Own

The first thing Eddie noticed about Theo was that he looked just like his son.

His mop of hair growing wilder by the second, shades of caramel threading through the browns.

The brightness of his smile and the cheeky glint in his eyes as he beamed.

The cock of his chin, the pout of his lips, and the dimples of his cheeks.

The second thing he noticed was that, somehow, all the things that looked oh so much like his son looked like Buck, too.

And he was left wondering how he'd never actually noticed the similarities between them before, as he repeatedly glanced in the mirror at the two boys sitting in the back, and Buck beside him in the driver's seat, with an increasing amount of awe.

Theo was squeezing Chris' hand tight, shaking a little from nerves with each car that whizzed past his window, still anxious to be in vehicles after the accident. 

Chris had one earphone in and kept his phone tilted towards the boy so that he could watch along with whatever videos he was mindlessly scrolling through. The teen's thumb rubbed circles over the little boy's hand, and Eddie was left wondering when exactly Chris' hands had stopped being that small. 

Theo kicked his feet against the back of Eddie's seat with his new Spiderman sneakers, ones that Buck had spent close to an hour this morning wrestling to keep on. His free hand played with the door handle, flicking at it repeatedly, a new video recapturing his attention each time he glanced away.

Buck turned the music up when a Lion King song came on, Theo’s favourite, and kept glancing back at the boy as he sang, looking for a reaction.

That bright, cheeky grin took over the boy's face as he put on a show of covering his ears, but soon dropped it to instead shout, "I saw a lion!" 

They'd taken him to the zoo on Saturday, and a lion had banged the glass right in front of Theo with its paw. The four-year-old had found it hysterical. 

"We all did, she was a big one wasn't she?" Buck replied. 

"It was a boy lion! He had a hairy face."

"A mane, you mean? You're right, boy lions are usually the ones with manes, but sometimes girl lions grow them too. And the one you saw was a girl named Lulu." 

Of course Buck knew its name. Why wouldn't he?

Theo blinked, his mouth pinching into a little contemplative pout like he wasn't sure whether he wanted to argue that or not. Instead he settled for a curious "Why?"

And as Buck began to spew everything he knew about lions, Chris chiming in occasionally, followed by a surface-level discussion on hormones and gender, Eddie just sat and listened. Pondering over the fact that somehow, he'd wound up in a car with three curly-haired boys with dimpled cheeks and sparkly eyes and a love of animals, and they all just fit. They all just worked together. Not in any conventional way, but Eddie found that he loved it regardless. 

Too soon they were pulling up outside of Chris' high school, the teen slinging his bag over his shoulder before reaching over to give Theo's shoulder a slightly awkward pat. The fifteen-year-old wasn't quite comfortable enough to get cuddly with the four-year-old yet, not that Theo gave any of them much of a chance to give affection. 

"Bye, Theo."

Theo's smile fell, his brows and mouth turning pinched. 

"Where you goin'?"

"I've got school, remember?"

Theo leaned forward as far as the straps on his car seat would allow, hands reaching for Chris. 

"No! I don't got school."

Theo did have pre-school, they'd thankfully been able to keep him in the same one as he'd been in before, allowing for a continuation of some sort of similarity. However, he was only going in for three days a week, as he was still settling in at home. And, he was having a lot of off days where he worked himself up into tears over his parents, something that had happened last night, so today there was no chance he was going in regardless of Buck having work.

"'Cause Buck is cool. My Dad's boring and doesn't let me skip," Chris answered with a sly smile in their direction when Theo shot a glare at them.

"Why you not let skip?"

"Thank you, Chris," Eddie huffed, as the teen laughed before leaning forwards to say goodbye to him and Buck before getting out.

As soon as the door closed Theo let out a short angry yell, his feet banging against Eddie's chair again as he tried to claw off his seatbelt. 

Buck was quick to pull out of the lane, in the hopes the motion of driving would calm him down again.

"Don't worry, buddy, you'll see Chris later," Eddie said.

"And d'you wanna know what's even better?" Buck added.

Theo sniffed, lip wobbling as he stared out of the side Chris had left.

"What?"

"You get to go with Eddie to pick Chris up later, and tell him all about the fun you had."

"And do you wanna know what's even cooler?" Eddie asked, continuing on with Buck's train of questions. "Afterwards, you're sleeping over at ours, and we're going to have pizza, and Chris is going to show you all his video games."

Theo's fingers continued to fidget with the harness over his shoulders, even as he blinked over at them. "Sleepover?"

"Uh huh, and then in the morning, we're having waffles. And then we're going to pick Buck up from work."

"Does that sound like fun?"

Theo stared at them, like he wasn't sure whether he was supposed to still be upset or not.

"Yeah," he eventually agreed, in that sweet voice of his. "I was not allowed to go sleepover at Noah's 'cause I'd be naughty."

Oh. He and Buck glanced at each other, both never liking when the four-year-old called himself naughty like that, but never really knowing what to say either. Because he was a little wild, and cheeky, and struggled to listen, but he wasn't purposely bad, he just didn't think. 

"Can we have choc'late milk?" Theo asked before they could come up with some response along the lines of you're not naughty, you're just different.

"I'm all stocked up," Eddie promised. Buck had sent him a list of all the kid's favourites in preparation for today, since he could be quite picky on whether he ate or not. Chocolate milk, tube yogurts, raspberries, crackers, and alphabet spaghetti, were staples that he would actually sit down to have.

"With marshmallow?"

"If you want some-"

"And cream."

They both laughed, Eddie's heart squeezing in his chest as he looked back at those round blue eyes being sent his way. Too much like Buck.

"You drive a hard bargain. But sure."

Theo cheered up after that. Even as they pulled into the firestation parking lot, and both got out for Eddie to take over with driving and Buck to say goodbye. 

"Bye, Buck!" Theo said, extending his arms out for an increasingly less rare hug as Buck crouched down outside the car.

"Bye, buddy. You be a good boy, don't let Eddie stay up too late," he said, squeezing the four-year-old tight. Clearly the one anxious to let go.

"We're going to have loads of fun, aren't we, Theo?" He reassured, knowing exactly how Buck was feeling in that moment. It sucked letting go of your kid to go to work, especially when they were still little and needed you. It was even worse when said kid was in mourning, and still familirising themseld with you. A learning curve for sure.

“I know," Buck nodded, planting a kiss to Theo’s head before letting the boy squirm away. He picked up the dinosaur backpack that had been by Theo’s feet, showing Eddie. "I packed plenty of snacks, extra clothes, juice boxes, and approximately seventeen tiny cars.”

“I only need six,” Theo argued, just for the sake of it.

Buck kissed him again, then stood up. Went to get his gymbag out of the trunk, then stood to the side of the car. Pausing, looking suspiciously smug.

“You know, I gotta say you being laid up is really working out for me.”

Eddie blinked.

Buck grinned wider.

It hit him a second later. His own words, years ago, after the tsunami. When Buck had become Christopher’s safe place before Eddie even realised how badly he needed one.

Eddie huffed out a laugh before he could stop it.

“Oh, you asshole.”

"Language," Buck corrected, putting on a show of looking scathed. Then he blew a final kiss at Theo, as the kid peeked out of the window at him. “Love you, bud. Don't let Eddie stay up too late.”

They watched him go inside, turning to wave at them every few steps before finally disappearing.

And Theo chose that moment to begin chanting "Asshole, asshole, asshole."

Eddie bit at the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing, before electing to ignore his words having long since learned it best not to acknowledge when a kid was saying a bad word. Especially when said kid had a mischievous glint in their eyes, probing for a reaction.

"Right, what should we do today?"

~~~~~

Eddie had originally planned on taking Theo to the massive park with a splash pad and paddling pool, but it was set to rain for the best part of the afternoon, and he didn't quite feel like running after a muddy four-year-old. At least, not when said four-year-old was Evan Buckley's double.

So, after some thought, he decided on the mall. It was a safe and enclosed space, with plenty of room for little legs to run, and an arcade on the third floor.

He kept a tight hold of the boy's hand as they moved through the underground parking lot, then put on a show of being spooked as the child jumped up and down in the elevator, yanking him back only after he rolled his hand over all the buttons. 

As soon as the elevator doors opened, Theo squirmed out of the grip he had on his hoodie and sprinted over to the fountain, Eddie barely catching him before he could dive in to it headfirst.

"Feet stay on the ground, bud," he instructed. Though naturally it fell on deaf ears, Theo’s attention only being diverted onto a statue to climb.

Then they went into Build-A-Bear, where Theo dove into the piles of animals and tried to tunnel his way through them, until Eddie scooped him out then kept him on his hip even as he wriggled and whined. They ended up getting a sparkly bear with rollerskates and a snorkel, with a voicebox recording of them both singing Hakuna Matata to the boy's insistence.

After Eddie put his foot down and refused to let the boy call it Asshole, much to the shock of the shop assistant, they walked out as proud owners of Mr Poopy Butt Bear. 

Theo ran ahead of him then, rolling the bear along the floor as Eddie carried the box as well as the boy's backpack. They did laps all the way up to the third floor where there was a food court and entertainment sector, Eddie hoping to tire out little legs. Of course that was to no avail, as Theo seemed to get more hyped up the higher they went. Swinging off of benches and lights, hiding in clothing rails, and climbing up fences.

Eddie found him far too adorable to get annoyed. Instead he quickly adapted to keep up with him, having never experiencing a kid who could run off quite so easily before.

He'd spent many years grocery shopping with Buck, so he was used to Buckley's wondering off anyway.

They stopped to go to the restroom, where Theo put Mr Poopy Butt in the sink insisting that he needed to swim with his snorkel on, then they had a little lunch. Or at least Eddie did, Theo took three bites of a sandwich and downed half a drink, then spent the rest of the time swinging back and forth in his chair and peering over the balcony to the floors below. He took a picture of him there to send to Buck, but there was no connection so it didn't go through. 

Then finally he took him to the mostly empty arcade; all the other kids at school. 

Eddie remembered arcades looking a lot cooler when he was a kid, but he could imagine from Theo's height that all the flashing lights and colours and pictures still looked fun.

He quickly found that he didn't actually have to spend any money in the arcade, either. The four-year-old was enchanted enough just watching the lights, and thinking he was playing the games from the trailers on the screens. And his short attention span meant that he was jumping from one to the next anyway. 

He did however spend far too much on the claw machine, trying to win a dalmatian stuffy dressed in a fireman suit, and it was Theo who had to tear him away from the rigged game to instead shoot basketballs.

Theo continued to ricochet from game to game like a pinball. Racing games. Air hockey. Dancing. He liked the racing ones most because he could climb up onto the motorcycles, and Eddie took another picture of that, gushing over how much he looked like Buck.

“Look!”

“I’m looking.”

“Look faster!”

Eddie laughed helplessly.

The kid was impossible not to love.

Maybe it was the curls. Maybe it was the endless energy. Maybe it was the way Theo’s whole face lit up every time he succeeded at something small.

Or maybe it was because every time Eddie looked at him, he saw Buck.

Not just physically.

The same giant heart, the same joy, the same complete inability to stay still.

Theo beat a plastic drum game with violent enthusiasm while Eddie leaned against a machine nearby, smiling despite the growing ache in his ribs from straining his still healing midsection.

Then everything went dark.

The arcade powered down instantly, music cut off mid-song.

For one strange second, the entire mall went silent. Theo turned to look at him in accusation, a question on his tongue. Then people started screaming, somewhere on a lower level, and Eddie grabbed the boy's arm. Tight.

Emergency lights flickered on overhead, bathing the arcade in dim red illumination.

A crackle sounded over the speakers.

“Attention shoppers. Remain calm and stay where you are. The mall is temporarily under new management.”

Theo looked up at Eddie immediately, trying to pull away from his grip. “Where'd all the lights go?”

Eddie’s stomach dropped.

Another voice came over the speakers, sharper this time. “Security has been disabled. Anyone attempting to leave will be dealt with.”

Gunshots echoed somewhere distant, and the screaming got louder.

Theo flinched hard, and Eddie felt his own chest begin to pound at the sound, muscles stiffening as memories flickered through his mind, Buck covered in his blood, and he had to blink them away.

Then he was moving before he consciously decided to, instinct taking over. He crouched in front of Theo and held the kid’s shoulders gently. “Hey. Hey, buddy. Look at me.”

Theo’s lower lip trembled, as he picked up his bear from where he'd dropped it on the floor and squeezed it tight. “What happened?”

Eddie forced a smile onto his face, knowing it'd do no good to have the kid scared. “We’re gonna play a game.”

Theo sniffed. “A game?”

“Yeah.” Eddie lowered his voice conspiratorially. “It’s called the Quiet Game. Think you can win?”

Theo’s eyes widened seriously, and his chest puffed out with a big breath. “No talking?” he asked, evidently having been asked to play the quiet game before. Eddie was doubtful it had much success, but he was hoping today would he different.

“No talking. No loud footsteps either. We gotta be sneaky secret agents. Think you can do it?"

Theo immediately straightened with determination, nodding. “I can do that.”

“I know you can.” Eddie took his hand, and started leading them to the doors of the arcade, keeping himself low. 

He peered outside, examining the food court outside. 

There was three people out there, all ducked beneath the tables. He couldn't see the gunmen, he didn't think they were up here yet. But cameras blinked up above them with a red light, watching their every move, and Eddie knew without a doubt that it wouldn't be long for them to come as the sound of screams and stray bullets continued to ricochet across the lower floors.

They couldn't stay there. When help came, they'd come from the ground floor. Driving the gunmen upstairs to them, where they would have the advantage of height.

The entire arcade was under the view of the cameras, cameras that they were not doubt watching from if they'd taken over the control room.

Eddie stared at the ceiling outside, mapping out the location of the cameras. Then he turned to the shivering four year old next to him, whose face was half burried in his bear, and placed a finger to his lips in a silent plea for him to be quiet. 

What felt like an impossible ask.

Theo nodded, clearly understanding to an extent what a serious situation they were in. 

And then Eddie pushed open the door just enough for them to sneak out, making a b-line to the side of the photo booth that didn't have a camera pointed at it.

~~~~~

It was bad.

Worse than bad.

Groups of armed men moved through the corridors carrying duffel bags and zip ties. Eddie caught glimpses of terrified employees being herded toward storefronts. Heard shattered glass somewhere nearby.

This wasn’t random. It was clearly very organised.

Theo stayed glued to Eddie’s side, small hand clutching his tightly. He carried him when he could, but as they descended to the second floor he preferred to keep the boy tucked behind his legs incase of any snipers from the higher floor. He made the child wear his backpack for similar reasons, hoping that its contents would block any bullets from embedding into his back. A horrible thought, but one he had to take into consideration all the same.

He'd never forgive himself if he let this child get hurt. Buck’s child.

Every now and then Eddie whispered updates like they were part of the game, to keep the boy from straying. To keep his focus on their task.

“Okay, secret agent Theo, next mission.”

Theo nodded solemnly, still being so brave. Eddie was incredibly proud of him.

“We gotta get past those bad guys without them seeing us," he gestured with his head over to the two men standing guard outside of the jewellery store opposite them.

Theo leaned close and spoke directly into Eddie’s ear, the boy not having mastered whispering just yet, but keeping his voice low all the same. “I’m super sneaky.”

“You are the sneakiest," he agreed, running his hand through the boy's hair.

They ducked behind the kiosk. Slipped through service hallways. Hid inside a convenience store whilst footsteps thundered past.

Twice Eddie thought they were caught.

The first time when Theo squeezed his bear's paw and it started singing, and he grabbed it off the kid to desperately muffle the sound beneath his jacket. Wanted to leave it behind, but Theo burst into tears when he tried.

The second time, Theo sneezed.

One of the thieves stopped dead ten feet away.

“What was that?”

Eddie’s pulse slammed hard against his ribs, as the man started toward them, spotting their shadows.

Eddie crouched instantly, grabbing Theo’s face with gentle hands.

“Buddy,” he whispered, calm and firm. “I need you to hide right here, okay? No matter what happens, you stay quiet.”

Theo’s eyes got huge. “But Eddie—”

“You’re okay.” Eddie pressed a hand to the back of his head briefly, carding his fingers through it the way both Buck and Chris liked. “This is part of the game. Stay hidden till I come back.”

A cry fell from Theo's mouth, and Eddie muffled it with his hand.

The footsteps got closer.

Eddie stood and pulled away from Theo's fists trying to curl around his shirt.

Pain tore through his side immediately, having pulled a stitch during all of the crawling, but adrenaline drowned most of it out.

The thief rounded the corner with his gun raised. And Eddie hit him before the guy could react.

The gun clattered away. They slammed into a storefront gate hard enough to rattle metal. Eddie drove an elbow into the man’s throat, then another into his jaw. The thief staggered and Eddie ripped the weapon away before smashing the butt of it into the guy’s temple.

The man crumpled.

Eddie sucked in a ragged breath. Blood soaked warm beneath his shirt. But all he could think about was Theo.

He spun immediately and hurried back toward the alcove behind the vending machine, needing to move them before someone came to investigate the noise.

“Theo?”

No answer.

Cold terror flooded him instantly, a feeling of wrongness already settling in his gut.The hiding spot was empty. And for one impossible second, Eddie just stared. His brain refused to process it. Refused to understand how a child could vanish in the span of maybe thirty seconds.

Then he whizzed around, expecting to see him ducked behind the trash can or the plant on the wall opposite. Nothing. No mop of hair, or sparkle of a teddy, or wide blue eyes.

Eddie’s heart stopped.

“Theo?” he hissed louder, panic cracking through his voice now.

A thousand horrible possibilities hit him all at once.

Taken. Found. Hurt.

Buck.

Oh God, Buck. He'd lost Buck's kid.

Eddie stumbled forwards, scanning frantically through the dim hallway. He wanted to scream, shout his name from the top of his lungs, but the most he allowed himself to do was to call out at a speaking level of voice.

“Theo?”

Eddie’s pulse slammed painfully against his ribs. He spun in place again, scanning every storefront, every shadow, every possible direction a terrified four-year-old could have run.

Think.

Theo was smart. Fast. Curious.

And scared. People were reckless when they were scared.

He had to assess.

Track.

Move.

He crouched low to the boy's height, eyes scanning the floor for every possible route he could have taken. 

He couldn't have run past them, Eddie would have surely seen that, right?

The staff door, cracked open just enough for a child to slip through unseen.

Eddie ran.

Pain tore through his healing stab wound immediately, hot and vicious, but he ignored it. Blood was already soaking through his shirt again beneath the hoodie.

Didn’t matter.

Nothing mattered except finding Theo.

Voices echoed nearby.

“…thought I saw a kid run this way.”

Eddie froze instantly behind a kiosk.

Two armed thieves.

One of them laughed. “Probably crying for mommy somewhere.”

Eddie saw red.

Then he was moving. One second he was hidden, and the next he was on them.

He grabbed the first man’s gun hand, wrenching it sideways as the shot went off harmlessly into the ceiling. The second guy barely had time to react before Eddie drove him face-first into a metal gate hard enough to rattle the entire storefront.

The first thief swung wildly. Eddie disarmed him with brutal efficiency and slammed the butt of the gun into his temple. Fast. Controlled. Violent.

The kind of violence Eddie hated in himself.

But Theo was missing. Theo was missing, and these psycho's were shooting up the place, and hurting people, and Eddie was going to tear the mall apart brick by brick if that's what it took to find him.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, all he could hear was Buck saying: You’re babysitting my kid.

Eddie grabbed the fallen radio from one of the thieves, fingers fumbling a little.

Static crackled.

“…possible movement near the softplay…”

“…kid headed towards—”

The transmission cut out in static.

Kid.

Theo.

Eddie sprinted again, heedless to anyone watching as a bullet richochetted past his head. Jumping down the banister to get to the ground floor as fast as possible, where the small softplay structure was.

It was surrounded by overturned benches, broken glass, and an abandoned stroller. Eddie could only thank whatever was up there that this had happened whilst most children were at school. After he gave them a giant fuck you for putting this kid through more trauma, of course.

Something glinted on the floor, his eyes catching on it immediately. 

Blood.

Small droplets smeared across the tile.

Eddie stopped dead.

No.

No no no.

His stomach dropped violently as he crouched beside it. His hands shaking despite every attempt to steady them.

There was more blood near one of the tables.

And caught underneath the chair leg—

A spiderman shoe.

Theo’s shoe.

Eddie stared at it, the world narrowing into something small and unbearable.

“No…”

His voice broke on the word.

Because he'd been with them, when Theo picked out those shoes. 

Because Buck had been chasing Theo around to wrestle those shoes onto his feet just that morning.

Because Theo had been kicking his chair with those shoes a mere threw hours ago.

He couldn't remember what size Theo wore, but it was undoubtedly the same. The same colour, the same style.

Eddie’s breathing turned ragged.

Not Buck’s son.

Please not Buck’s son.

A sound nearby snapped him out of it.

Footsteps.

Eddie surged up instantly, gun raised.

A terrified mall employee stumbled backwards with a scream.

“Please don’t shoot!”

Eddie lowered the weapon, fingers remaining tightly wrapped around it.

“Did you see a little boy?” he demanded, approaching them in quick steps. “Curly hair, blue hoodie—”

The employee’s face crumpled. “I saw someone dragging a kid toward the department store.”

Dragging.

The blood roared in Eddie’s ears.

Theo had been hurt. Theo had been taken.

And Eddie had failed him. Failed Buck. Failed the little boy who trusted him enough to hold his hand through the dark.

Eddie ran.

~~~~~

Time stopped making sense after that.

The mall became fragments of dark corridors, gunfire, screams.

Pain ripping through Eddie’s side every time he moved.

At one point another thief caught sight of him and fired.

Eddie tackled him before he could get off a second shot, slamming him hard into the tile. The man fought dirty, elbow catching Eddie directly over his healing wound.

White-hot agony exploded through him, and black dots clouded over his vision.

But then the man reached for his gun again and Eddie snapped back hard, driving him unconscious against the floor.

Theo.

Find Theo.

Everything else came second.

He pulled himself back up to his feet, hand pressed to his stomach to stop himself from leaving behind a trail of blood.

He lost count of how many thieves he took down along the way, ripping through the mall store by store.

No Theo. No Theo anywhere, not on any floor. He untied some hostages he came across, told them to find somewhere to wait for help.

He was losing more blood, the constant fights taking it out of him, but he barely registered it. Kept moving.

And then after what felt like a lifetime, came the sound of SWAT moving in.

Commands barked through megaphones, heavy boots, flashbangs somewhere deeper in the mall.

The thieves started falling back fast after that.

Eddie dropped his gun to the floor as one of them aimed at him, begging them to help look for his boy. Fighting them when they tried to escort him outside.

“Theo!” He finally allowed himself to scream at the top of his lungs, his voice shredded raw as he ran again.

No answer.

Only silence.

Firefighters and paramedics followed SWAT, to help find the injured.

And upon first seeing the shiny high vis 118 on the back of a jacket, relief hit him so suddenly and sharply that it almost dropped him to his knees.

Then he saw Buck.

Buck in turnout gear, hair wet from rain. Not knowing they were here.

And suddenly Eddie couldn’t breathe.

Because Buck was here. And Theo wasn’t. And Buck spotted him instantly.

“Eddie?”

Buck crossed the distance fast, stopping short the second he saw the blood soaking through Eddie’s shirt.

“Jesus—”

Eddie grabbed Buck’s jacket hard enough to wrinkle the fabric.

“I can’t find him.”

Buck froze, the horror dawning on his face. The understanding. His eyes flickered to Eddie's side, where Theo should be standing. Wide and shocked, like Eddie had only seen on a handful of occasions. The worst occasions of their lives.

After he choked up blood. After he found him after the tsunami. After the well. After Eddie was shot. After the funeral. After the kidnapping. After the car accident. After the stabbing...

Eddie had lost Buck's child.

Eddie’s voice cracked apart completely. “I lost him.”

Eddie could recall it so vividly, the day of the tsunami. The mere minute he'd spent thinking his son was dead was the longest minute of his life. 

The pain, the denial, the not knowing what to do.

He saw that now, reflected on Buck's face. In his oh so expressive eyes. 

Their places switched, and Eddie found that he didn't prefer being in Buck's shoes anymore. Seeing the fear in his best friend's eyes, knowing he was responsible for putting it there. Responsible for losing the child he'd been trusted with.

“No—”

“There was blood.” Eddie was shaking now, full-body trembling he couldn’t control anymore. “Buck, I think—I think he got shot—”

Buck physically recoiled.

For one horrible second, Eddie watched the exact moment that Buck’s heart broke.

“No,” Buck whispered.

Eddie had seen Buck devastated before. So many times. More times than he'd like to think about.

But nothing compared to this.

Buck looked wrecked already, and Theo still hadn’t been found.

In a blink of an eye, Buck was grabbing Eddie’s shoulders with desperation. “Where did you see him last?”

“I told him to hide and I went after someone and when I came back he was gone—”

He'd left him. He'd left him alone. A four-year-old. Theo.

Buck shut his eyes briefly like the words physically hurt to hear. Eddie knew first-hand that they did.

Then Buck's radios crackled.

“Medic team to command, we found an injured child on the west side of the second floor.”

Everything stopped.

Buck’s head snapped toward the radio instantly.

Eddie’s heart nearly stopped.

“…boy approximately four to five years old,” the voice continued.

Hope crashed into them so violently it hurt.

Buck looked at Eddie.

Eddie looked back.

Alive. Maybe Theo was alive.

They both took off. Ran as fast as their legs could carry them, taking the stairs three steps at a time.

“…gunshot wound to the shoulder. Child is conscious.”

They went to where the commotion was. Hen and Chimney were already there, along with the officer who'd found the child.

Eddie's eyes caught on the boy's small feet, all that was visible of him. One only socked, the other in a shoe. A Spider-Man shoe. Droplets of blood led to the pool that the child was lying in, tiny handprints staining the wall from where the child must have been scrambling to get up. 

All alone. And hurt. Because Eddie had left—

Not Theo. 

It wasn't Theo, that became painfully apparent when Eddie stumbled closer and caught sight of the brown skin turning ashen from blood loss, and the dark teary eyes of a child that wasn't Theo. 

Chimney and Hen worked on him, and two EMTs ran over with a stretcher, and Eddie just stood stock still. 

Staring at the boy with the missing shoe. Then at Buck, who stood equally unmoving.

Buck’s face crumpled.

Eddie felt something inside himself collapse completely.

Not him.

Still not him.

Buck staggered back half a step, and Hen and Chimney noticed them then. Realisation of the situation soon crossing their faces, as they looked at Eddie.

The child was put on the stretcher, and rushed down to the closest ambulance by the EMT's.

Then Hen appeared at his side immediately, grabbing his arm, that looked she got in her eyes when she was examining a patient.

“Buck," was all Eddie said. Still watching the man, still worrying, more than he worried for himself as he swayed unsteadily on his feet.

Buck looked sick. About as sick as Eddie felt. He could feel the nausea curling in his throat, ready to keel over.

“I can’t—”

Chimnney stepped in then, voice firm but gentle as he approached Buck. “Buck, you’re too close to this.”

Buck shook his head immediately. “No.”

“Buck.”

“My son is missing!” The words echoed through the atrium.

And Buck had always hesitated to call Theo his son. Only ever my kid. 

And Eddie wondered if he'd ever get to say the words to Theo.

Buck’s chest heaved hard, like he was wondering that too.

Chimney's expression softened painfully. “And that’s exactly why you need to step outside.”

Buck looked like he wanted to argue.

Then his eyes flicked toward Eddie- bleeding, shaking, barely standing, as hard as he tried to keep it together because there was more important problems- and something in him broke.

Hen gently took hold of Buck’s arm too, so she had support of both of them.

“I’m not leaving him,” Buck said hoarsely.

“You’re not,” Chimney assured. “You’re just stepping outside. We won't leave until we find him."

Buck turned immediately back to Eddie.

And Eddie knew he looked wrecked. Completely wrecked. And he couldn't change that, couldn't keep himself together, and he was a horrible friend. He needed to find Theo, he had to, this was on him, he'd lost Buck's child.

And yet, Buck still reached for him first.

“Hey,” Buck said shakily, grabbing the back of Eddie’s neck as his knees wobbled. “We’re gonna find him.”

Eddie swallowed hard.

Buck pressed their foreheads together briefly despite the blood and chaos around them.

"I looked everywhere, Buck. I swear," he said.

Then they let Hen guide them towards the exit, the woman pressing hard around Eddie's midsection.

Because there was nothing else left to do there.

~~~~~

Eddie barely remembered getting outside.

One second he was inside the mall, stepping over broken glass and choking on smoke panic, and the next he was stumbling through the south exit doors into flashing lights and cold wet air. 

The rain that had kept him from taking Theo to the park had died down already. God, he wished he'd just taken Theo to the park. A bit of mud and rain was nothing in comparison to this.

His body felt wrong.

Too heavy. Too numb. Too exhausted to hold together anymore now that the search had stopped. For him, anyway.

Beside him, Buck looked just as wrecked.

Pale beneath fluorescent lights. Eyes too wide. Hands shaking openly at his sides.

Eddie couldn’t stop replaying it.

The blood on the floor.

What he'd thought had been Theo’s shoe.

The empty hiding spot.

I lost him.

The thought had lodged itself somewhere deep and poisonous inside his chest. And Eddie remembered the few times Chris had slipped past him. The raw terror, scrabbling his thoughts, making it impossible to think clearly. Losing someone else's child, and for so long, was another level entirely. The guilt excruciating, because Buck had trusted him. And he'd broken that trust. And worst of all, he'd broken Theo’s trust.

Athena stood near one of the ambulances, talking to one of the guys from their station, a franticness in her movements.

Eddie saw her first.

Then—

Small curls. A dinosaur backpack. Tiny sneakers swinging off the edge of the ambulance bumper.

Eddie stopped walking.

Everything inside him went completely still.

Theo.

Alive.

For one impossible second, Eddie genuinely thought he might be hallucinating him. Had to be. Or it was another cruel trick to get his hopes up.

Because Theo was supposed to be somewhere inside that building.

Theo was supposed to be—

Theo looked up. His round cherubic face, his bright eyes, and his dimpled cheek smile.

His entire little face lit up instantly upon seeing him.

“Eddie!”

The sound shattered something open inside Eddie so violently his knees nearly gave out again, only Hen keeping him upright.

Alive.

Alive alive alive.

Before Eddie could even move, or think, or respond, Buck made a broken sound beside him and surged forward.

“Theo—”

Theo launched himself off the ambulance bumper at full speed, Athena twisting on her feet to catch him before realising who he was running to. Relief and something so much like pity crossed her features as she too approached them.

Buck caught him with enough force that the impact staggered both of them backwards, Buck dropping immediately to his knees on the pavement while clutching Theo so tightly it bordered on desperate.

“Oh my God,” Buck was saying, voice wrecked. “Oh my God, baby—”

Theo giggled breathlessly from somewhere inside Buck’s death grip, already squirming to escape.

Eddie couldn’t move, as much as he wanted to. He just stood there staring, watching, Buck and his son. Most beautiful sight of them all. 

Because Theo was alive.

Warm cheeks flushed pink from excitement instead of blood loss. Tiny hands clutching fistfuls of Buck’s turnout coat. Talking already- of course he was talking already- words tumbling over each other too fast to understand.

And Eddie—

Eddie had spent the last hour (had it really only been an hour?) believing that he had gotten this child killed.

The adrenaline that had been holding him upright suddenly vanished all at once, his vision blurring sharply.

Buck looked up then, their eyes meeting over Theo’s curls.

And Buck knew.

Of course he did, he knew first-hand what it felt like to be in Eddie's shoes. He'd lost Theo for an hour, and been ready to tear his own hair out. Buck had lost Chris for the better part of a day. And Eddie remembered seeing him standing there, bloody and exhausted, gasping for breath as he finally saw Chris alive. 

Buck’s face crumpled. “Eddie,” he said softly, sympathetically. Understanding.

Theo twisted immediately at the sound of his name.

“Eddie!”

Then Theo was reaching for him, too. Automatically. Like there had never been any question that Eddie would come back for him.

That nearly destroyed him. The endless trust that was still there, despite Eddie having lost him in such terrifying circumstances.

Eddie slipped out of Hen's grip and crossed the distance on shaking legs, before dropping down beside them harder than intended, pain tearing through his side.

Theo immediately threw himself half into Eddie’s lap, wrapping small arms around his neck in a way he never usually did. Theo was always moving too much to be cuddly, but it was very much appreciated.

“You found outside!” Theo announced proudly, like he'd been waiting for him.

Eddie made a strangled sound that didn’t even resemble words. Because Theo was solid in his arms, breathing, alive. Not bleeding, not crying, not scared out of his mind and alone.

Eddie buried his face briefly in Theo’s curls and felt something inside himself finally crack apart completely.

He had him.

He had him.

Theo pulled back just enough to look at him again. “Why're your eyes wet?”

Eddie laughed once helplessly, the sound breaking halfway through. Buck’s hand landed on the back of Eddie’s neck then, warm and shaking.

"I think you gave them a scare," Athena said, before adding, "I was just about to go inside and look for you two."

Eddie gave her an appreciative smile before tucking his face back in Theo's hair.

And for a second, the three of them just stayed like that, tangled together on the pavement while sirens flashed around them. Buck pressed his forehead hard against Theo’s head, eyes squeezed shut, and Eddie could feel him trembling.

Theo, completely oblivious to the emotional devastation he’d caused, continued talking excitedly.

“I 'scaped! I went in the snacks but there was no snacks because everything was messy so I crawled under the table and there was a lady crying but I told her it’s okay 'cause Eddie says firefighters always come even when it takes a long time but then I saw the exit sign and followed it but I did not run 'cause running is loud and loud is bad when being sneaky. Then I found 'Thena, and 'Thena said I am not allowed to do escaping no more—"

Athena snorted. “I said preferably not.”

Theo nodded seriously, taking in a big breath after his rambling. “Right.”

Buck laughed suddenly. A wrecked, breathless sound that turned dangerously close to sobbing halfway through. "You were so brave."

Eddie looked at him. Really looked at him. At the tears Buck clearly wasn’t trying to hide anymore. At the way he kept touching Theo like he needed constant reassurance that he was still there.

And guilt crashed through Eddie so hard it made him nauseous all over again. Because he'd done that. It was because of him that a four-year-old had to escape all by himself.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered hoarsely.

Buck’s head snapped up immediately.

Eddie couldn’t stop it now that it had started. Even though he remembered what it had been like to be on the other side, watching Buck grovel to give an apology he didn't need. “I lost him. I thought- I thought- ”

Buck grabbed his wrist hard. “No.”

“But Buck—”

“No.” Buck’s voice broke sharply. “Don’t you dare.”

Eddie stared at him.

Buck looked rightfully devastated. Not angry, not blaming him, just devastated at the idea that Eddie had gone through that alone.

“You searched for him,” Buck said, eyes burning bright. “You fought like hell looking for our boy.”

Eddie swallowed hard as Buck's eyes flickered over his face. He'd started to feel the bruises now, throbbing on his cheeks and eye. He had to look like a wreck, honestly, it was a surprise Theo hadn't been freaked out at the sight of him.

Buck reached out and grabbed the back of Eddie’s neck too, pulling him closer until their foreheads knocked together clumsily over Theo’s head.

And suddenly Eddie was trapped between them.

Theo alive in his arms, Buck breathing shakily against him.

Both of them here. Safe.

“We found him,” Buck whispered fiercely, no room to object.

Eddie closed his eyes. And Theo squirmed happily between them, the confusion that had kept him still throughout their conversation coming to an end.

“I found 'Thena, actually.”

~~~~~

By the time they got back to Eddie’s car, Eddie felt like his entire body had been hollowed out and stitched back together wrong. Which wasn't so far-fetched, since he'd refused to go to the hospital, so just had his stitches redone by Hen in the back of an ambulance.

Theo, meanwhile, was still talking.

“…'Thena said I was ‘absolutely not allowed to self-evacuate hostage situations no more’ but I think she was being silly,” he repeated, after regaling the entire events of the day again in more detail. Remembering more and more, as the adrenaline wore down and things were allowed to settle. 

Buck made a strangled laugh beside him and tightened his hold on Theo slightly, like he physically couldn’t stop touching him now that he had him back.

Eddie understood. God, he understood. He just wanted to wrap himself around all three of his boys and never move. 

Theo had no idea just how mesmerised they were by him right now.

It was veery fortunate that Chimney could let Buck off work for the rest of the day.

“I was very sneaky,” he informed them proudly.

“You were terrifyingly sneaky,” Buck corrected immediately. Both them and Athena having lectured the boy that, while yes, it was very brave of him and good that he escaped unharmed, but under no circumstances should he run away again in an emergency like that, not unless they told him to.

Theo grinned anyway. 

Buck looked over at Eddie then, expression softening instantly. “You okay to drive?”

Eddie opened his mouth automatically to say yes. Buck gave him a look.

“…probably not,” Eddie admitted.

“Thought so.”

Buck stole Eddie’s keys before he could protest and guided both him and Theo toward the backseats like Eddie might collapse if left unsupervised. Honestly, fair.

Theo rejoiced at sitting next to him in the car, his fingers tangling in his Christopher medallion and those stupid little shoes kicking at the front seats again.

For a while, the car was quiet except for Theo’s occasional excited commentary about his 'escape mission', mixed in with him telling Buck about the fun they'd had before it all went to shit. Events that felt like weeks ago to Eddie.

Then Buck glanced at the dashboard clock and swore softly.

“What?” Eddie asked immediately, nerves still on edge.

Buck grimaced. “Chris gets out in twenty minutes.”

Eddie straightened sharply. “Crap.”

Because in his short life, Christopher had learned to automatically assume something was wrong when they didn't show up. And today he'd have to add one more trauma onto his son's long list.

Buck was already turning the car toward Christopher’s school, taking them away from that godforsaken mall with speed. 

“Tell him we'll be ten to twenty minutes late.”

Theo perked up immediately. “Can I tell Ch'is I 'scaped hostage situation?”

“No,” both Eddie and Buck said instantly.

Theo looked deeply offended.

~~~~~

Christopher was waiting outside of the school already, sitting on a bench with his phone in hand.

The second he spotted the car, relief flashed openly across his face before he shoved it away under practised teenage annoyance.

Then Eddie got out of the car to let Chris take his place.

And Chris saw the blood that Eddie had honestly forgotten about, in the middle of everything else.

“Holy shit.”

“Language,” Eddie said automatically, though tired. He wrapped his arms around the fifteen-year-old for a much needed hug.

“Dad!”

Buck was around the car immediately before Eddie could topple over, steadying him.

“I got him,” Buck told Chris quietly.

Chris looked between them, eyes narrowing immediately in that terrifyingly perceptive way teenagers had. “What the hell happened?”

Before they could respond, explain what happened in a way that wouldn't terrify his kid, Theo popped his head out of the window. “WE SURVIVED A HOSTAGE SITUATION.”

Christopher blinked once, lips pursing. “…what?”

Theo looked delighted to finally have a fresh audience. “There were bad guys and guns and Eddie fought people and then I 'scaped all by myself.”

Chris slowly turned toward Buck for confirmation.

Buck looked exhausted. “That’s… technically accurate.”

Christopher stared at Eddie in horror, his eyes crossing over Eddie's bruised face. “You fought them?”

Eddie rubbed tiredly at his eyes. “I was trying to find Theo.”

Chris looked at Theo again. Theo waved cheerfully. “I 'scaped!”

“Apparently,” Chris muttered. Then his expression shifted suddenly, all traces of sarcasm disappearing as he looked at Eddie properly. “You thought something happened to him.”

Not a question. Eddie looked away first, and that was apparently enough of an answer for Christopher.

“Oh,” Chris said quietly, empathetically. Filling in the blank.

Buck stepped in immediately before Eddie could spiral again. “Everybody’s okay,” he said firmly, squeezing Eddie's shoulder.

Theo nodded enthusiastically. “I used exit signs!”

Chris climbed into the backseat beside Theo slowly, eyes raking over him for any injuries. Then immediately wrapped an arm around him, tight.

Theo leaned against him happily, fingers twisting in his clothes.

“…you scared us, idiot,” Chris muttered, already on board with it all despite not hearing the grim details.

Theo grinned. “But I did good.”

Chris sighed heavily like he was burdened by immense suffering. Though Eddie could see the affection in his eyes as he looked at the little boy. “Unfortunately, yes.”

Buck caught Eddie smiling faintly at that. And something warm twisted painfully in his chest.

Because this, Chris teasing Theo, Theo babbling nonstop, Buck beside him... It felt dangerously close to something Eddie wanted too much.

~~~~~

By the time they got home, Theo had finally crashed hard, curled against Chris' chest in the backseat.

Buck carried him inside, cradled like a baby. The four year old appearing absolutely tiny against his broad chest, as he took him straight to Chris' room, where they'd set up a bed for the child for tonight.

Christopher hovered nearby, pretending not to watch Eddie limp. “You should sit down before you pass out dramatically,” his teen informed him.

“I’m not gonna pass out dramatically.”

Chris tilted his head. “Regularly then?”

Eddie glared at him weakly.

Chris grinned.

God, Eddie loved his kid. He slumped down onto the couch, every inch of his body feeling battered. He wanted a shower, but didn't have the energy.

Buck came back a few minutes later after settling Theo down, and the second Eddie saw him again, something in his chest twisted sharply. Because all he could think about was Buck’s face in that mall. The devastation in it when Eddie said: I lost him. Eddie looked away first.

Christopher disappeared into the kitchen, muttering something about making a snack because apparently they looked emotionally constipated. 

Buck sat beside Eddie on the couch quietly, close enough that their knees bumped like they always did. Neither moved away.

The house felt strangely still after the chaos of the mall. Theo sleeping down the hall, Chris banging cabinets in the kitchen, Buck warm beside him.

Home.

Eddie swallowed hard. “I’m sorry.”

Buck turned immediately to interrupt. “Eddie-”

“I lost him.” The words came out rougher than Eddie intended. And he was repeating himself, he kenw that, they'd already had this conversation. But he needed to get it all out again now that they were alone.

Buck’s expression softened instantly, letting him speak. Understanding, so understanding. Buck always understood him.

“I told him to hide, and when I came back he was gone, and I-” His voice cracked hard. “Buck, I thought he was dead.”

Saying it out loud made it real again. The blood on the tiles. The shoe.

The absolute certainty that Eddie had failed and he was going to have to tell his best friend that he'd left his son in an active hostage situation.

Buck was quiet for a moment. Then softly asked “Do you remember what you told me after the tsunami?”

Eddie blinked, trying to muddle through his memories of that horrible time. Buck just looked at him steadily, those patient, kind blue eyes. “You told me there’s nobody in this world you trust more with your son than me.”

Eddie’s breath caught. Because he did remember that. Remembered the heat that had been in his face as he said it, the butterflies, the way he'd had to take a deep breath after leaving Buck's apartment to steady himself.

Buck’s voice dropped quieter. “You said that after you thought you lost Chris.”

Eddie looked down at his hands. Buck reached over slowly, nudging their shoulders together.

“And I need you to hear me now,” Buck said. “There is nobody in this world I trust more with Theo than you.”

Eddie’s throat tightened painfully. “Buck—”

“No.” Buck shook his head. “You protected him. You kept him calm. You got him through a hostage situation while bleeding through your own stitches. While being shot at, after everything, Eddie...”

Eddie laughed weakly, trying not to think about the sound of bullets ricocheting past his head. The agony of one embedded in his chest. “Yeah, well. Didn’t exactly finish strong.”

Buck turned fully toward him then. "You went after armed robbers for my son.”

Eddie looked at him helplessly. “Of course I did.”

The words slipped out automatically. Simple, obvious. Because of course. What else would he do? It was Buck's child. And he knew Buck would move heaven and hell for Christopher.

Buck’s expression changed again, softened into something so unbearably fond it made Eddie’s chest ache. And suddenly Eddie realised just how close they were sitting. How Buck’s hand was resting against his wrist. How easy it would be to lean in.

Buck swallowed once, like he was thinking the same.

“You called him our boy,” Eddie croaked, swiping a hand down his face.

Buck froze. Then said simply, “He is.”

Something in Eddie cracked open. Years of this. Years of Buck showing up for Christopher like it was breathing. Years of family dinners and movie nights and shared custody jokes that stopped feeling like jokes somewhere along the line. Years of loving Buck so quietly he’d almost convinced himself it wasn’t love at all.

Buck lifted a hand slowly, touching Eddie’s face carefully like he was afraid he’d pull away. Or afraid of hurting him. Buck could never hurt him.

Eddie leaned into it before he could stop himself, calloused fingers trailing over his bruised cheek. And then Buck’s eyes dropped to his mouth. “Can I kiss you?” he whispered, voice barely there.

Eddie laughed softly, completely wrecked and stunned and so incredibly in love. That was what this was. What it had always been. “Took you long enough.”

Buck kissed him immediately, before the words could even finish falling from his mouth. Warm and gentle and real.

Eddie had imagined this before, more times than he’d ever admit even to himself, but nothing compared to the actual feeling of Buck’s mouth against his. Buck made a soft sound when Eddie kissed him back harder, one hand sliding into Eddie’s hair while the other stayed cradling his jaw like something precious.

Eddie felt dizzy with it. With relief, with want, with finally.

A sleepy little gasp interrupted them, and they broke apart instantly. Clarity tearing them out of the moment.

Theo stood halfway down the hallway wrapped in a dinosaur blanket, Mr Poopy Butt Bear tucked under his arm and curls sticking up everywhere. His eyes were huge, wide awake and astonished.

“Ohhh,” he said, like something all made sense now. Far too inquisitive for a four-year-old. 

Eddie immediately felt heat crawl up his neck, paired with a flash of anxiety. Buck looked equally astounded, his mouth still parted and lips plump.

Theo’s face split into a delighted grin, then. “You’re kissing!” he bounced on his feet with the words.

Then Christopher appeared behind him, carrying a plate of snacks to share with Theo.

He took one look at them and sighed dramatically, eyes rolling up to the ceiling. “Finally.”

"What d'you mean, finally?”

What the hell was that reaction? To something as blindsiding as this.

Chris shrugged. "This is literally the least surprising thing that’s ever happened to us.”

Buck looked at their teen in disbelief, and Chris gave him a flat look. “Buck, you’ve been basically coparenting me since I was seven.”

Buck made a startled choking noise as Theo clambered onto the couch between them, completely unbothered by the situation already as he took to pushing buttons on the TV remote.

“Can we still have pancakes tomorrow?” the boy asked, throwing his head back to peer up at them through fluttery lashes.

Chris snorted and settled on the other side of Eddie. Holding the plate out for Theo to pinch some crackers and grapes. “Way to prioritise.”

Theo looked offended. “Pancakes are important.”

Buck buried his face in Eddie’s shoulder, laughing helplessly at it all. At their boys. And Eddie couldn’t stop laughing either, half delirious with relief and exhaustion and happiness.

Theo looked between them proudly at the sound, and Eddie threaded a hand through his hair. And suddenly he became painfully aware of it all at once. Christopher pressed against one shoulder. Theo curled warm against his and Buck’s sides. Buck’s fingers tangled loosely with Eddie’s.

Home. Family.

Not almost anymore. Real. It had been for a long time.

Buck caught his eye over Theo’s head and smiled softly.

Eddie smiled back instantly, the fear and anguish of the day finally fading away, draining from his body.

Then Theo yawned hugely and announced “We should celebrate with pancakes now.”

Buck laughed quietly. “Yeah, buddy,” he said, pulling all of them a little closer. “I think we definitely should.”