Chapter Text
A young teenage boy walked by himself, humming a tune, carrying a duffel bag in tow with him. He looked almost normal. Other than the fact his brown eyes , too dark and deep and serious, darted around surveiling everything, not a thing escaped his sight. They looked hopeful.They looked anxious.
Every corner he turned around reeked of the inescapable stench of cigarette smoke, all the adults smoked, and they gathered around newspaper stands, and black cabs and double-decker buses dominated the street. And everyone flipped everyone off. The air was full of the lovely melodies of cars honking and people eloquently screaming ” FOK YEW CUNT” lovingly at each other, demonstrating what a civilised and charming community they were.Such was the beauty of 2001 Chelsea, London. Alex Rider almost missed it when he thought back to it now, when he had been that almost normal boy walking down the street.
Alex stopped outside a DVD rental shop. He wondered if he could buy a movie with his saved-up pocket money to watch with his best friend Tom Harris. In fact, he was on his way to his house for a sleepover.
Alex took out his Nokia flip phone and checked his friend’s messages. Texts cost money, and they had character limits, so people used abbreviations constantly, as he'd tried to explain to his housekeeper-who looked after him because in typical main character fashion his parents were fucking dead.They went boom boom in a plane explosion by terrorists because his dad cucked one of them apparently, as he had found out rather recently - Jack Starbright, who had been convinced him and his friends were using some sort of cryptography or secret code language to communicate.
“ c u @ 7”
“Mum says no lol”,
“where r u???”
Alex also brought both his old pokémon and Yu-Gi-Oh cards, so they could trade them and play card games (“play” being very loose, since every time they played the rules went out the window very quickly, just like Tom’s pet cat.)
Tom opened the door, chatting to people inside the house. “Yeah the pizza’s here, I think!” His face went slack in shock as he met Alex’s eyes
“Hello I am not a pizza please don't eat me” Alex internally cringed at himself “Heh.”
“Holy shi- you actually showed up!” Tom blurted.
Alex felt his face turn red. In shame. It really was kind of his own fault if Tom hadn't expect him to show up, because nowadays, Alex barely showed up at school, barely played football or computer games with him,barely loitererd outside stores with him until they were shooed away with him. barely came over to his house anymore. Barely lived his own life.
At least Tom sounded almost…happy? To see him. Instead of being annoyed or otherwise.
“Oh…COUGH COUGH-of course you showed up! Why wouldn’t you show up?“ Tom said too quickly.He bit his lip. Alex could tell he was looking for something to say.
“Also it's not guaranteed I won't eat you.Heh” He added
“Whoa, PAUSE!” Alex burst out laughing.
”No homo.” Tom said.
“So um…How are you, Alex?”
“Shit. I'm like shit.” He said before he could stop himself.
“Yeah, me too.” Tom laughed.
”So are you like gonna let me into your house or do i have to sleep out here in your front yard?” Alex asked innocently.
”Yea…actually…maybe its best for an animal like you to sleep outside.” Tom said, equally as innocent.
But he moved over from the doorway and Alex followed him into his familiar,now unfamiliar house.There were boxes blocking up the place. Stuff wrapped up in bubble wrap.Important photos and sentimental stuff missing from where he’d usually find it.
”Sorry for the mess.Its been like this for ages” Toms smile was strained “One of my parents decided to they've had enough’ And announce theyll be moving out.They argue and yell about it.They pack stuff up, ready to move.They argue over the belongings and yell about it.And then they never even get to it.Or they change thier mind and unpack.I cant even remember if this is packing or unpacking anymore.”
Inside Tom’s living room, a group of other boys, Tom’s other friends (because Tom had other friends,unlike Alex,and much more of them) were sat together chatting at the dining table.
One of the guys stared at him in fear “Doesn’t he have some rare disease or something?”
”Yes he missed like months of school because he had rabies i think” The guy sitting right next to Alex had the audacity to whisper.
Alex frowned.Then grinned a wicked grin. “If you've got something to say about “he” , then say it to my face or I’ll bite you, and we’ll really see who has rabies.”
The guy gaped at him. Then scooted his chair farther away from him.Tom cackled like a witch “Oh my god, Alex, I think we need to put you down.” Tom punched his arm. Alex hated him.He didn’t actually. He couldn’t hate him.
”Don’t be silly!If he had rabies he’d be foaming at the mouth!” Another boy scoffed.
”Thats not exactly how that works but ok” Alex sighed.
”How come you get to keep missing so much school then?” The one next to him demanded.He said “gets to”, as if alex actually wanted to miss school.
”Well it I cant be missing anything important if you all don’t know how rabies work!” Alex tried to evade the question.
”Im pretty sure he's just faking all those illnesses.” One of them said.
”Shut up or i’ll jump over the table and punch you in the face!” Alex snarled.
”Yea…well I’ll kick you in the face!” He countered.
”And i could totally tank that and give you a spinning back kick to the face!” Alex argued.
”Yes, but i could take whatever that is too!and then i-“
”No you wouldn’t!“ Alex interrupted.
”They're not actually going to fight, right?” Asked the boy next to Tom.
”Well, Alex definitely will.This guy loves to get into fisticuffs.Proper mental i tell you.” Tom sighed and shook his head.Then grinned “And I won’t even try to stop him if you all don’t leave him alone.”
Alex felt touched Tom sided with him, then realized he was being a bit of a brat. Sure these guys were assholes, but they Toms friends or something,right?And this was Toms house and Tom’s sleepover.It wasnt like Tom was starving to see more arguments and needed his friends to get into one, when that what his parents did all day.
”Er… no it’s fine Tom.Im sorry i guess.” He said awkwardly to the guy he threatened with physical violence, and patted him on the arm.the guy just stared at his hand and tried to burn it off with lasers from his mind, or thats what it looked like.
“I just have a very…weak immune system.” Alex tried to explain and smiled weakly “I keep getting a bunch of different illnesses and missing school.I don’t even want to.”
”So…you’re just a weak little bitch and get sick a lot?” the guy asked stupidly.
At that,Alex jumped off his chair and aimed his flying elbow at his chest.Knocked himand the chair to the ground.Years and years of karate classes for him to pull some random wrestling move.
”YES!YESSS!FIGHT! WE CRAVE VIOLENCE!” Chanted everyone around them.
The fight didnt last long at all.It ended when it started.The guy he attacked just groaned on the floor “WHAT the fuck man I was joking…But nice..um..whatever that was.respect.” Alex grabbed his hand and helped him up.
”So.Uh.What do we do now?” They all stood around silently and stupidly .
”Well,If you have a week immune system, we better carry you everywhere so your legs don’t absorb the bubonic plague from the grass or something!” Said one of them with glee.
”Again.not how illnesd works.Also youre not actually thinking of doing that … right?” Alex said nervously
“GRAB HIS LEGS!” Tom ordered them. “ILL GRAB HIS ARMS!”
”NOOOO!TOM YOU FILTHY TRAITOR!”Alex shrieked laughing.
”TAKE HIM OUTSIDE.MAKE HIM TOUCH GRASS!”
”NOOOOOOOOOOO!”
They just played football a bit outside in his yard before it became dark, hanging out lazily sitting around on the small plastic swing set they had now outgrown.
Alex thought the other boys weren’t too bad.They pissed him of at first, but now they all got along like peas in a pod.They randomly stopped playing football, and stoof together in a circle under a tree.They spat into thier hands and shook each every person in the circles hands and swore an oath to die for each other, and be brothers for life.
An empty promise, seeing as Alex didn’t even know their names.Its okay.He was pretty sure they didn't know his either, despite Tom saying it in front of them multiple times.Oh well.Thats just how friendships are sometimes.
————————————
Then they went back inside. And played video games and everyone yelled and screamed like monkeys on cocaine, and then went back to acting all nonchalant , like they hadn’t been threatening to kill each other because of Mario Kart of all things.And Like they hadn't heard Tom’s parents threatening to kill each other either too.
The sound of a man and woman’s muffled voices yelling. Nobody said anything.
Give me the keys then!"
"They're my bloody keys!"
"You don't even use the car!"
”well then, how about i shove the keys in between your eyes and peirce your thick skull!” one of them spat.
”Yea well, how about i shove your ugly little head in the car book AND CLOSE THE LID ON IT,HUH?maybe then you’ll shut up”
The shouting continued downstairs.
A door slammed.
Then another.
Tom just raised the sound on the game. "So anyways" he rolled his eyes.
A guy got back from the bathroom : “What did i miss-HOLY SHIT!”
He yelped as he nearly tripped over all the other boys groaning and moaning about the pizza that was supposed to arrive.
Soon,they started rummaging through all the cupboards and pantries looking for something to eat.Somebody was gnawing on the tv cables.Another was gnawing on Alex’s leg.He yelled and kicked him away. If they didn’t find food soon, they might be forced to cannibalize each other.And Alex would not be the first cannibalized.
”Guys.Please don't eat each other.I found some popcorn.Eat that until the pizza comes.” Tom sighed.
It was totally dark outside now.They didn’t want to go back out, even though Tom said his parents would definitely not notice or even care.Everyone lounging around, the room completely silent other than the sound of munching popcorn.
Alex remembered the cards he had bought with him.He showed them to the other boys.
”You wanna play and trade cards?” Alex asked tentatively.
“Oh yeah, those used to be fun back in elementary” someone snapped at him.
”Fine.How about I SHOVE THEM UP YOUR A-“
“Heeey.Look.Tv.Movies.Look at the glowy box please and stop fighting!” Tom gestured at the television.
And then they watched gory horror movies together, movies they shouldn’t have been watching at their age.To be fair Alex Rider had seen and done many things he shouldn’t have at his age.
Instead of the movie, he was more interested in watching the stunned, wide-eyed, open-mouthed looks on his friend’s faces, worshiping the violence.
And then when the jumpscares came on they screamed like monkeys on cocaine being murdered. It wasn’t even anything that bad, he’d seen much worse in real life. And this was rated R?
The movie ended. The other boys all stared at the black screen traumatized.Alex flicked through the Dvd’s, found one that looked intresting, and put on the next one. This one actually had painful looking gore, but it was completely unrealistic.No, bashing a persons head against a wall cant scrape the skin off thier face.Not even if the wall was made of sandpaper.No, that guy who just got impaled in the head and throught the heart and lost all 5.5 litres of his blood CANT be walking around still alive.
Alex tried his very hardest not to laugh at it, not to even giggle.His social life was already dead as it was without people thinking he was a psychopath.He just shoved his mouth full of popcorn.Then tom’s popcorn.Then everyone’s popcorn.Horror movies were fun because everyone else lost their appetite.
Nobody said anything. Finally, Alex went and put on a Disney movie for them.Thats what you all get for insulting my pokemon cards.He grinned.
Back then, when they were around twelve, they usually tired around 1am, or 3am even. It felt exciting, staying up late. like committing a crime together.
But now there was just an awkward silence, then everyone said they were tired, and got into their sleeping bags at 11pm.
The pizza Tom ordered never even arrived.
———————————————————————————
Alex suddenly remembered when they were younger, they used to do this thing called “amoeba wrestling” where they would all crawl into their sleeping bags headfirst, with only their feet sticking out, then proceed to bash their torsos into each other, and also slide and climb over the other “amoebas”.All while none of them could see because their heads were in the bottom of the sleeping bags.
Yes.This was exactly what they needed
They all looked at him in horror, somehow more scared than before, as he patiently explained the rules to them.
"The objective," Alex said, clasping his hands behind his back like a military instructor, "is to establish amoeba dominance."
"What does that mean?" one of them asked.
"No one knows."
"What?"
"No one has ever successfully explained it."
Tom buried his face in his hands. "Alex, this is why you don't have normal hobbies."
"It is a perfectly normal hobby.And who said this was my hobby?!"
"It absolutely isn't.And also, you seem like the type who considers this an olympic sport and does it in his free time. "
Ten minutes later, every single one of them was inside a sleeping bag.
The transformation was immediate.
Humanity ceased to exist.
Amoebas remained.
“THREE!”
“WAIT, I CAN'T SEE!”
“THAT'S THE POINT!!!!!”
“TWO!”
“SOMEONE'S ON MY LEG!”
“ONE!”
A mass of sleeping bags immediately launched itself into another mass of sleeping bags. The room erupted into chaos.
Alex blindly charged forward and slammed chest-first into something.“CONTACT!”
“THAT'S A WALL, YOU IDIOT!”
“GOSH DARN IT.”
Another amoeba launched itself off the mattress and landed directly on top of two others.Someone screamed.Someone else was laughed so hard they couldn't breathe.
”HEEELP EHEHEHUEHEHUEH I CANT FUCKING BREATHE EHEUJEHGHEUHEUE”
A pair of sock covered feet kicked frantically in the air like an overturned beetle. “I'VE BEEN FLIPPED!”
“SKILL ISSUE!”
“WHO SAID THAT?!WHO SAID THAT?”
“YOUR MOTHER DID!”
”DIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!”
Amoeba wrestling had evolved considerably since its creation. There were now advanced techniques.
The death roll.The double amoeba pincer maneuver.The illegal crab.
No one knew what the illegal crab was, but everyone agreed it was definitely illegal.
Alex felt someone climb over him.Instinctively, he rolled sideways. Unfortunately three other amoebas had chosen that exact moment to roll sideways too.The resulting collision sounded like a wardrobe falling down a staircase.
“CASUALTY!”
“WHO?”
“I DON'T KNOW!”
Somewhere across the room Alex could hear Tom was laughing so hard he was wheezing.
Then someone accidentally head butted a lampshade.The lamp crashed to the floor.The room fell silent.
The glass of the lamp broke into shards, from which sparks flew from, growing into a small flame, that crackled and lapped at the fabric of the carpet.
“I smell burning hair.” someone giggled.
“i smell burning plastic” another one chuckled.
“wait…i smell smoke” they all laughed nervously.
They fell silent.In the silence they heard a crackling noise.The noise of a fire.
They shrieked and fought to ripped their sleeping bags off.
”WHAT THE FUCK WHY IS THERE A FIRE?!”
Alex wasn't yelling, but silent as he ripped his with steady shaking hands and stumbled to the fire.The fire was still small.Carpet.Electrical source.Smother it.Don't throw water on it.He knew all this before he'd consciously thought it.
He stopped in front of it.Watched it rise.Watched it fall.It was small now. Then, it would spread on the carpet. He felt it’s heat on his face.Felt choked for a moment.The fire wasnt emitting enough smoke to cause him difficulty breathing, but it was more because of a memory. It reminded him of something.It reminded him of the reason he was admitted to the hospital recently, and it wasn't a harmless illness or a “weak immune system.
The Flame was smothered in a blankets and three sleeping bags.Smoke seeped from underneath them.After having smothered the flames, he lifted them off, and the room filled with smoke.
Tom was giggling in fear, manically, unable to stop, even though this was definitely not the time to be giggling.
A guy is on huddled in the corner of the room, speaking on the phone : “Mom, please come pick me up this sleepover is scary.”
Alex wished he could call his mother too.
——————————————————————————-
They calmed down, then all slept on the floor, even Tom who had his bed.
Alex fell asleep on a spare mattress with a SpongeBob blanket, giggling and whispering to Tom across the floor.
Then Tom said they should get to sleep. He couldn’t see Tom’s face in this dark, but he could imagine him there in front of him.
Alex felt strange. It seemed sleepovers weren’t the same anymore. This wasn’t how he remembered things. It was more fun before.
Oh. It seems he left for a while, and now when he looks back in, they're not as close as they were anymore, and it hurts because he doesn’t want them to drift apart. or lose his only connection to a normal life.
He squinted really hard. Now he could make out the back of Tom’s head, turned away from him, cozy in his sleeping bag.
That’s why he dragged himself from the hospital when he had only been discharged a few days ago.
His housekeeper, Jack, had been beside his bed holding his hand the whole time.Sometimes Alex knew in the back of his consciousness that it was weird the closest thing he had to family or a parent was a member of staff.The normal people he met definitely thought so.
He frowned at himself in the dark.He’d braved physical therapy and pain killers and being bound to the hospital bed for days, just for this moment, and it turned out to have…disappointed him somehow.
What had he been expecting?things to be the exact same as before?
Alex sighed.Turned over in his sleeping bag that smelled like smoke, and tried to sleep.
—————————————————-
The sweet pungent smell of jet fuel, his lungs were full of it. The cackling and blazing of a fire. He woke up from his sleep screaming, fighting with his blanket, and he threw it away from him.
Heat explodes across his back and shoulders. His hands clawed at his shirt. He was on fire. He was on fire again.
He got up, stumbled across the room in a few steps, fumbled with the handle of the bathroom, threw himself inside, not bothering to turn on the lights.
Turned on the tap. splashed himself with cold water. stuck his head under the sink, eyes shut tight, sputtering trying anything to get rid of the heat. The heat.
He opened his eyes a crack. Realised there was never any fire. He felt stupid. Then he turned on the yellowish bathroom light.
Tom blinked confused. stared at his best friend dripping water drops onto the bathroom tiles.
plip
plip
plip
each drop, his out-of-breath gasps, all so loud in the quiet room. Alex eyes darted over his shoulder, to the other boys, thankfully still asleep.
“Hey Alex… I think Jack needs to pick you up.”Tom whispered.
”Did I…did I wake you guys up?”
“No, you didn’t bother anyone with your screaming. It wasn’t really even screaming, more like a choked-off sound,I only woke up because you were near me.” Tom reassured him.
Alex was relieved, he really didn’t want to be a bother.
They feel silent once more, and now they could hear the muffled distorted voices, from downstairs.
”Are they really arguing at this hour?!” Alex asked in disbelief.
”….Can I tell you something?" Tom asked.
Alex blinked.
"Sure."
Tom stared at the bathroom floor.
"I keep wishing they'd just divorce already."
Alex gulped."Oh." Oh no.Feelings time.
"Not because I want them to." Tom shrugged. "I just want them to stop deciding."
Neither of them spoke.
"Every week they're leaving."Tom whispered to him, as if he was telling a secret.
"Then they're not leaving.Then they're screamingThen they're packing.Then they're unpacking.It's exhausting.I wish it would just end already.”
"But at the same time I really don't want it to.They’re…Theyre mum and dad.They were the first thing i knew.They were always there….”
”Yea Tom, im an orphan, a pretty stupid one, but you don’t need to explain the concept of parents to me.”Alex stuck his tongue out at him.
”You know i didn’t mean it like that!Oh…you were joking.”he chuckled.
He continued. ”I mean sure, i could tell they weren’t in love like the princes and princesses in movies.And they disagreed a lot.But I never thought we would end up like this.”
”It probably sounds stupid to you, someone who has actual problems.” The boy continued “Like saving the world and being a hero and stuff.But- ” Alex interrupted him.
”OH HELL NAW SHUT THE HELL UP. Don't talk like that!Besides what do you mean i have actual problems?Are you saying i'm crazy or something?Tom, I think you're a hero too, for putting up with all this!”
Tom made a face and pretended to puke “What the hell Alex, thats so cheesy.You better not get up and start singing about how were all heroes or something”
“Hold on,hold on,Listen to this!” Alex clicked his fingers.”If your house burnt down, and you had a burn on your arm…But another guy had a burn on his balls and was homeless to begin with, don’t you still need medical attention and housing too?”He nodded wisely.
Tom shook with silent laughter.Then he gasped and looked at Alex, eyes wide. ”Wait….why is that actually so smart….?”
”Yea I know. I'm wise beyond my years” Alex twirled an imaginary beard.
Tom laughed.Then sobered up: “Alex..are you ok?Seriously?What woke you up like that?”
Alex just looked at him like a deer caught in headlights.Tom sighed: “Fine.You don’t have to tell me.Lets just go sleep- ”
”Its nothing.” Alex blurted. “Well, ok not really.Just an annoying injury i got from, you know.One of my missions.”
Alex was not a normal.Not even almost normal.He missed months and months of school without warning, his grades were lacking, and he said and did many odd things. If ever questioned, he always anwsered the same lame excuse he had been taught, “I have a weak immune system”. It wasnt very good, and people probably didn’t buy it.And Tom knew the real reason why.Even though he should never have.
Alex Rider was a teenage spy,working for the MI6.He had braved the most grueling intelligence assignments and laughed and joked and spat in the faces of murderous maniacs.But a few days in a hospital had made him want to scream and bury himself in blankets and never see the outside world again?
“You have more scars now?!”Tom squinted at him trying to see the change
“….can I see them?”
Alex awkwardly took off his shirt and struck a goofy pose“Boomchakala.”
“Oh wow…that’s so cool! You’re cool Alex!”
“Tom…did you call Jack yet?”
“Oh!Not yet.I meant to-”
“You know what.Please don't call her.Lets just…go back.To how everything was before.”
Alex realised he wasnt just talking about the sleeping arrangements or the sleepover, but his entire life.He wanted to go back to the fun and innocence.It was once his.where did it go?
It was stolen from him. After being used as a tool, being made to serve his country before he was even old enough to own a car and drive around it.
But Tom had said he was cool.He said spying was cool.
Alex had once thought that too,but the various murder attemps and the injuries wearing down at his body convinced him otherwise.He was convinced every liter of flesh and blood maimed or lost was him losing a part of himself,every stupid villian monologue he’d been forced to listen to had tainted his mind.
“Are you sure?”Toms voice shook.
“Ok then.” Tom grabbed him by his arm and dragged him back to the sleeping bags
“Goodnight Bitch, now you better not wake me up again.”
“Love you too, Tom.”
The next morning Alex was still there. He was sitting at the kitchen table.He had woken up before everyone else-AT FUCKING FIVE IN THE MORNING TO BE EXACT- But he was there.He was solid.He was real.
Tom had somehow expected him to disappear like a ghost, or water slipping through his hands as when you tried to hold it.Alex always did.It wasn’t his fault, Tom understood that.Maybe he had excepted the boy to climb out the bedroom window silently in the middle of the night and go live in the woods from embarrassment.Knowing Alex, he had definitely considered it.
Tom surveilled his friend warily from the other side of the kitchen.He watched, concerned, as Alex downed his apple juice with the air of an alcoholic forty-year-old man going through his third divorce.He plopped down in the seat next to him.And drank apple juice at 5am with him.As all good friends do.
Meanwhile next to him Alex was having his midlife crisis.He was only 14, but his life would probably be very short, so for all he knows this is his three-quarters-through-life crisis.
Alex was surrounded by by all these normal boys, got to go to a normal sleepover,and do normal sleepover things, and yet he still couldn’t be normal.He was surrounded by brief moments of the life he wanted,incomplete, and out of his reach, before MI6 called for him again to play spy.And he never ever could deny them.No matter how much he tried.
He wanted to be a schoolboy. He wanted to go back to hanging around outside shops. sitting in parks.Going into music stores without buying anything.Taking buses around London for no reason.Sharing CDs, making mix CDs.The idle energy, of being bored teens wondering “what do we do now?”He wanted to be there for Tom, for things to be like they were, before his bastard uncle went and died on him and left him to inherit a pile of shit that was espionage. Then Alex felt like an asshole. How could he make fun of say that about his dead uncle?
He cried.He actually crying next to Tom, tears caressing his cheeks then sliding down his chin into his apple juice.Tom however stared determinedly at his juice.Alex didn't make a single sound.He shut his mouth so tight so as not to let a sound escape,he could feel his facial muscles tensing.
The boy’s face was completely blank and impassive,his body rigid too.He might not have been crying at all, if it wasn’t for the water that betrayed him and leaked from his eyes.
He noticed Tom was drinking his juice straight from the carton, the psycho.But it was his house after all.
He raised his own cup to his lips to hide his face.The juice was salty. From the tears? Alex tried to pretended the apple juice was bear, and if he drank enough hed give himself kidney failure and end his misery.
"If uncle Ian never died…Then MI6 never would have gotten involved in my life...I could stay in school.I could play football.I could come to sleepovers.I could be normal."This one piece of truth stuck in his head,he was unable to move past it.
How can he ever escape M16?When he not strong enough to truly stand up to them?When hes not smart enough to see through thier manipulations, and ruses, always doing exactly what they wanted?When he was not enough to protect his friends and family from them.How?How?How?
Alex desperately wrecked his one minuscule braincell to find the solution.Come on braincell.Dont you die on me too.We’ve been through so much together.
WAIT…..
If Alan blunt and M16 are the government………..
And M16 is the source of all his problems…….
sooooo…..
If he simply overthrows the government….
ALL HIS PERSONAL ISSUES WILL BE SOLVED AND HE WILL BECOME A WELL ADJUSTED MEMBER OF SOCIETY!!!!!💗💗💗✨✨✨
”Tom.” Alex suddenly turned to him.
” Oh hey Alex i totally didnt notice you there!I just happned to be drinking my juice at 5am as I always do.….” he trailed off and gave up at the look Alex shot him.
”I must overthrow the british government!”
”……Well, if it makes you happy…Yea why not.Good luck mate.” Tom sighed
”SEE! This is why I love you!” Alex grinned.
”No homo.” Tom asked.
””No homo.” Alex confirmed .
They said it to each other like damn wedding vows.