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INT. BOOKSHOP AT THE END OF THE UNIVERSE. DAY. OR NIGHT. ITS IRRELEVANT. TIME IS TAKING A BREAK FROM EXISTING.
GOD:
Very well. I'll make it. I'll make the Universe your way. I'll even let an Earth happen. Eventually, there'll be humans and life, in all of its mundane glory. Something that both of you will neither know or experience, though.
AZIRAPHALE:
That doesn't matter.
GOD:
(Amused) Say goodbye then.
AZIRAPHALE and CROWLEY stare at each other, lost. 3000 years has been too long, and yet not enough time at all.
CROWLEY:
Ah...
Aziraphale stops him, kissing his fingers and pressing them to Crowley's lips.
AZIRAPHALE:
I love you.
Unable to stop himself, Aziraphale closes the distance between them, grabbing Crowley and kissing him. Crowley melts like a snake with limited understanding of the basic constitution of a human spine. The kiss breaks. Crowley looks gobsmacked. Aziraphale is crying. God looks amused.
GOD:
And with that touching farewell....
CROWLEY:
WAITAMINNIT.
He holds a hand up, stopping God in her tracks before she can wave her hand and undo creation, but his eyes are still locked on Aziraphale. A bolt of light streams in the bookshop windows behind him, lighting him like a halo with "divine inspiration". God looks a little taken back. Crowley, however, has a new lease on life.
CROWLEY:
This isn't what we want.
AZIRAPHALE:
What?
CROWLEY:
This is definitely NOT what we want! Don't do it. Don't unwrite all of creation and start over from the very beginning and all that nonsense. That is definitely, one hundred percent NOT what we want.
AZIRAPHALE:
Crowley!
He nods politely at God, tugging urgently at Crowley's sleeve.
AZIRAPHALE: (cont.)
Do forgive him, Almighty. He knows not what he's saying. Of course this is what we want. (Pointedly to Crowley) Isn't that what we decided? That the universe deserves to exist, truly free of all this..... ineffable divinity? That they all deserve to exist ?
CROWLEY:
Exactly. The whole damn universe. Our universe. Our brilliant, strange, messy universe in all its glory. Every tenacious little neighborhood. Every strange little restaurant. Every one of the funny flawed little people scurrying around in it doing Lord only knows what. Every single big brained whale. They all deserve to exist. And that's exactly why I won't let you unmake it all.
GOD:
I aM not unmaking. I am RE-making. The universe will just restart.
CROWLEY:
Yeah no. You're unmaking. Undoing. All this...gone.
Aziraphale and God both look equally lost.
CROWLEY: It's just Job's children all over again, isn't it?
AZIRAPHALE: Who?
CROWLEY: Job. Unlucky fellow with the wife and the kids? Big ole contest between heaven and hell over a mortal?? Ring a bell?
Aziraphale clearly isn't keeping up.
CROWLEY: (cont.)
Ox Rib, Angel?
Aziraphale's face goes on an entire journey, but one that culminates in his being caught up. And also blushing.
AZIRAPHALE:
Ah. Yes.
CROWLEY:
It didn't matter that those corporate toffs from up top offered him a load of NEW children. He wanted HIS children. HIS life. HIS world.
GOD:
From the reports I saw of the Job affair, he lived a long and happy life. Heaven did not return his children.
It dawns on Aziraphale.
AZIRAPHALE:
No....We did.
CROWLEY:
Exactly! And what about Nina and Maggie? Those two definitely wouldn't have figured it out without us. And that block of Soho that was being kept alive by...some miracle? And without hell, no Adam. There's a whole village out in Tadfield that will be all the poorer. No prophecies, mean no Newt and Anathama. Without our patronage, Shadwell would have bit it ages ago, and where would that leave that nice Madame Tracy? Would we have Hamlet without The Arrangement? Would restaurants ever have taken off at ALL without Aziraphale? And if by some miracle it all managed to evolve to this point without it going absolutely bonkers off the rails and ending up with fish people ruling the earth from Atlantis, it wouldn't be OURS. They wouldn't be the same people that we're fighting for. It would be something completely different wearing OUR world's skin. A bizarre cosmic Leatherface.
GOD:
So you'd rather I simply return it to the way it was? Leaving your humans as pawns in my divine game? A game I no longer have any interest in?
CROWLEY:
(Beat) So leave.
GOD:
What?
CROWLEY:
You heard me. Leave. Just ...go. leave this universe, take off and go. You're bored of it. And as far as I can see, you're the problem.
AZIRAPHALE:
CROWLEY!
CROWLEY:
It's true. All the horrible things and violence done in her name? Under her guidance? All the inherent problems with independent creatures that she can play with like little pawns? The problem is HER. It would be a kinder world without her. It's a miraculous world despite her. She said it. She offered to remake the world without her. I say do one better. Just leave. Give THESE humans the universe they deserve. Give THEM free will. Give THIS WORLD a chance. Just...leave.
GOD:
Even if I do, heaven and hell will still be here. Can you even imagine what chaos they'll wreak without my guidance?
Crowley shrugs.
CROWLEY:
I don't imagine much. Without you telling them what to do from on high, they'll be confused. Probably do some truly bizarre things for a while....but they'll figure it out.
He reaches out to Aziraphale. Aziraphale takes his hand. They're a united front, facing off God as they did Satan.
AZIRAPHALE:
We did.
The bookshop is rumbling. God is upset.
GOD:
This universe is MY creation. I brought it into being. It would be nothing without my divine hand.
CROWLEY:
And we've outgrown it. Outgrown YOU. We don't need you. I'm not sure we ever did.
GOD:
They will need help. They always come back, asking and praying for help, no matter how independent they think they've become! They need me. You need me. I am your divine mother!
CROWLEY:
So go out to pick up milk and never come back like the deadbeat parent you've always been. We will be fine without you.
The bookshop begins shaking violently, Aziraphale and Crowley cling to each other, as God grows bright and brighter, finally exploding in a flash of blinding light. It's like the Big bang all over again, pieces of the world blasting out of her. Mesopotamia. The Pyramids The Tang Dynasty. Crepes. The Music of Queen. The VFX team is free to interpret this with as much creativity as they're paid to have. Then it all stops. A over the door bell rings.
INT. BOOKSHOP. SOHO. A PERFECTLY RESTORED EARTH. AFTERNOON.
Aziraphale and Crowley have fallen, and help each other up. Aziraphale grabs a book, flipping it open. Then another. And another.
AZIRAPHALE:
It's back! It's all back!
Crowley is looking out the window at his car.
CROWLEY:
Every molecule of it. It's all back.
Aziraphale runs to the window beside him.
AZIRAPHALE:
And it's....ours.
CROWLEY:
What about.....her?
Aziraphale turns his eyes upward, hands folded in prayers. Reaching. Abruptly he shudders.
AZIRAPHALE:
I think....she's....gone. I certainly feel an unnerving absence of divine grace .......
CROWLEY:
You get used to it.
AZIRAPHALE:
Does that mean...?
CROWLEY:
I think so....
They hug. And they don't let go. SATAN stands up from behind a small table. After a suitably awkward amount of time, he clears his throat. Aziraphale and Crowley spring apart, but Aziraphale retains his grasp on Crowley's hand.
CROWLEY:
You're still here.
Satan shrugs.
SATAN:
She wasn't exactly going to take me with her.
AZIRAPHALE:
Well... you'd aught to pop off back to hell then. I suppose "God is Gone" will be rather good news to bring to your people.
Satan shrugs again.
SATAN:
Eh....with the boss gone? I'd really rather not. I was never particularly fond of my role you know ...
CROWLEY:
So ... What are you going to do?
SATAN:
(Beat) I've always fancied being a Sixth Year Maths teacher. All those formulas and little xs and ys that make no sense ...
He wanders out of the bookshop to his new life.
AZIRAPHALE:
That rather suits him.
CROWLEY:
Yeah...I think teaching and nursing is about to be flooded with the best of your lot and the worst of mine...
The bookshop door opens again, this time MURIEL bursts in, in tears. They run up to Aziraphale, salutes, trying not to cry. Then break down and hug him.
MURIEL: Mr. Supreme Archangel Aziraphale Sir! Something is wrong! Heavenly Mother is ...
They burst into tears again. AZIRAPHALE hugs them.
AZIRAPHALE: Oh ....yes....I suppose there is no more God. Heaven will take a bit of issue with that ...
MURIEL:
How can we serve the Almighty if she's gone??
Aziraphale: Well you... don't! You're free! No more heavenly duties!
Muriel cries harder. Aziraphale, a bit at a loss, guides them into his desk chair.
MURIEL:
What are we going to do?
They look at Aziraphale, expectantly.
AZIRAPHALE:
Well...whatever you want I suppose.
MURIEL:
Ok. What do I want to do?
Aziraphale looks up at Crowley, out of his depth. Crowley looks deeply amused.
CROWLEY:
Not big on Independence, are your lot, Mr. Supreme Archangel?
AZIRAPHALE:
Oh dear ...
Muriel keeps blinking up at him.
AZIRAPHALE: (cont.)
I suppose you...think about what you like, and what makes you happy. And then....you do that.
Muriel muses.
MURIEL:
Can I be a human police officer?
Crowley winces. Aziraphale shoves a newspaper with an article about police brutality that's sitting on the desk under a book.
CROWLEY:
Maybe let's work up to that institution, yeah?
AZIRAPHALE:
Is there anything else you'd like to be?
MURIEL:
Can I be Co?
They both look at Muriel.
AZIRAPHALE:
Co?
MURIEL:
Co. On the front of the shop. It says A.Z. Fell and Co. Can I be Co? And look at cups of tea?
AZIRAPHALE:
I suppose you can....it might be nice to have extra hands around the shop. I could take some time off.....
CROWLEY:
I suspect we're gonna need time off to mop up the mess she left with heaven and hell and all.....
The bell rings again, as the shop door opens, revealing a very disoriented JOSHUA.
CROWLEY:
Angel, I found Jesus.
AZIRAPHALE:
Bit late for all that, my dear boy.
Joshua wanders in, spots Crowley and walks straight up to him, relieved.
CROWLEY: Joshua. Son of God. How's it hanging?
JOSHUA: I was the son of God .... But now? What does one do when...
CROWLEY:
When the deity that was supposed to be your parent suddenly just isn't and you're left in a perfectly mundane world with nothing but the remains of a purpose?
JOSHUA:
....yes.
CROWLEY:
No idea. But I can think of someone who might....he's about your age now too. Name's Adam.
JOSHUA:
Adam.
CROWLEY:
Yeah. He's got a pack of friends.
JOSHUA:
I miss my friends.
CROWLEY:
C'mon. You ever ridden in a really fast car, Yeshua?
JOSHUA: Is that like another kingdom of the world?
CROWLEY:
Even better.
Crowley leads Joshua out towards the Bentley.
EXT. SOHO. STREET. A PLEASANT AFTERNOON.
People wander around, looking a bit lost and put out. The construction site is still. A few of them point at Joshua as he gets into the car.
CROWLEY:
What did you say that's got them all put out?
JOSHUA:
Be kind to each other?
CROWLEY:
Oh yeah... that'll do it.
They get in the BENTLY and speed off. The camera zooms in the window of the Bookshop to Muriel and Aziraphale at the desk. We hear their voice over a series of images.
MURIEL (Voice Over):
In the beginning, there was a garden. Two people. An angel and A demon. Good and Evil.
INT. HEAVEN. TIME IRRELEVANT.
A line of Angels. Waits to decent the elevator. They looks confused and perturbed, clutching small bags, evoking the image of refugees at a border.
MURIEL (V.O.):
Rules were rules. Right was right and wrong was wrong and it was very easy.
EXT: A GRAVEYARD. MIDDAY.
A group of Demons emerge from a portal to hell, squinting at the sunlight, looking around, lost, evoking the image of captives being released.
MURIEL (V.O.):
But that was all very boring. Well, it was exciting in plenty of ways. Lots of exciting things happened. To a lot of people. For a long time.
INT. COFFEE SHOP.
NINA smiles over at MAGGIE, who is putting on a record, as she drops off coffee in a table by the window. That table is occupied by MADAME TRACY and SHADWELL. They are holding hands over the table and talking happily to someone on video chat. On the phone screen is NEWT and ANATHAMA, holding a BABY and making the child wave at the camera.
MURIEL (V.O.):
But in the end, it got boring. No one likes being told exactly what to do and who to be all the time.
EXT. ON A YACHT. DAY.
BEELZEBUB plucks a fly out of mid air, she puts it on a fish hook and casts over the side of the boat. Behind her GABRIEL lays on a deck chair in a speedo and sunglasses that make him look like the sort of man who is far too eager to tell you about his yacht.
MURIEL (V.O.):
So in the new beginning there wasn't a garden. It didn't really start anywhere. It started sort of everywhere all at once.
EXT. A BACK GARDEN IN TADFEILD. DAY.
ADAM and the THEM, now teens, laze around in his parents back garden, throwing a ball for DOG and talking over some snacks. ADAM throws an apple to new friend JOSHUA, who takes a bite.
MURIEL (V.O.):
And there weren't any rules this time. No Good and Evil. No right and wrong.
EXT. DAY. SCHOOLYARD.
SATAN is supervising children as they run into a school, past JUNIOR DEMON, the crossing guard, JUNIOR DEMON, the janitor, and JUNIOR DEMON, the lunch lady. DAGON'S face is on an advertisement on the side of a passing bus, identifying her as a corporate lawyer.
MURIEL (V.O.): Just people with jobs doing what they wanted. We had to figure it out for ourselves. All of us.
INT. SUSHI RESTAURANT. EVENING.
MICHAEL, URIEL, and SALDALPHON sit at Aziraphale's favorite sushi counter, all eating sushi. Uriel wears scrubs, Sandalphon wears a mechanics uniform, and Michael has a business suit, a briefcase and a newspaper that shows her receiving some kind of award. They all seem to enjoy sushi.
MURIEL (V.O.)
Of course, we weren't alone. We had each other. We always had, since the very beginning. And it turns out, love thy neighbor means so much more when it isn't a command.
EXT. SOHO STREET. EVENING.
Muriel turns the bookshop sign to closed and locks up, meeting MRS. SANDWICH and her SISTER in the street with a wave. The new construction is finished. The bottom floor of it is the Cameron Community Center, where MISTY is sitting in an office. Muriel walks past it into, Loaves and Fishes Pizza Parlor, and sits down by the window. HARRY THE FISH, in an apron, brings them a cup of tea. Muriel stares at it. Then, cautiously, takes a sip.
MURIEL (V.O.):
In the Beginning, There was A Garden. In the New Beginning, there was a whole world. And we don't know when it will end. Not because it's ineffable. We just...don't know. We'll cross that bridge together when we get to it. But just this little part of our story can end where it began, with An Angel and A Demon in a Garden.
EXT. A COTTAGE IN THE SOUTH DOWNS. NIGHT.
The Bently is parked alongside a small house. Plants grow and flower, miraculously all in season together. "These are the Days of our Lives" by Queen plays, somehow, on an old victrola. Aziraphale sits on the garden wall, looking up at the stars. Crowley, glasses off, comes from inside the house to join him, carrying two mugs. He takes a seat right beside Aziraphale.
AZIRAPHALE:
What kept you! I thought you were going to miss it!
CROWLEY:
I couldn't decide, Angel. Cocoa or Chateauneuf-du-Pape.
He hands Aziraphale a mug.
AZIRAPHALE:
And you went with Cocoa. A sensible choice for a cold night.
Crowley pulls a bottle out from behind him.
CROWLEY:
Well I figured we could START with the cocoa...
AZIRAPHALE:
Crowley! Oh I do love you so!
CROWLEY:
I love you too, Angel. (Beat) Do you ever wonder if we did the right thing?
AZIRAPHALE:
Hm?
CROWLEY:
I mean, what if we all can't get by on our own? What if she was right? Where are people going to look to for guidance without.....you know.
AZIRAPHALE:
They could look at the stars.
CROWLEY:
Aziraphale.
AZIRAPHALE:
Or look to each other. In a real pinch, this world has always had a pretty good pair of.... godfathers....to lend a hand. It doesn't matter. They'll figure it out. They always do. Besides. You can't have done the wrong thing. I did it with you. And I'm an Angel. I CAN'T do the wrong thing!
CROWLEY:
Angel the things I've seen you do....
AZIRAPHALE:
...have all led us right to this very point. And I think nothing could be more right.
Above them, a meteor shower begins. They both look up in awe.
AZIRAPHALE:
To the world?
CROWLEY:
To our world.
They clink glasses. They're both visibly wearing wedding rings. As the stars fall above and Freddie Mercury sings "Those days are all gone now, but one thing's still true
When I look, and I find
I still love you
I still love you", Aziraphale and Crowley each extended one wing, not to shelter each other, but to wrap around each other.
FADE OUT.