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When Ryland gives Rocky the laptop, he expects him to watch scientific documentaries and maybe listen to audiobooks on knowledge that Eridians are lacking in, like radiation and relativity - things that Ryland specifically bookmarked for him as a starting point. What he doesn't expect is for Rocky to become the universe's number one Dolly Parton fan practically overnight.
The trip from Adrian back to the Blip A is a little over eleven days, which is time Rocky has spent listening to Dolly's entire discography that he somehow found via the iTunes app with all of Earth's music downloaded onto it.
“Work nine to five, what way to make living,” he sort of sings while stomping around the lab in his ball. “Barely get by, all take no give. Grace just use Rocky mind and no give any credit.”
“Woah, woah, what? Those aren’t even the lyrics!”
He stomps his feet some more to add emphasis to his words. “Grace no let Rocky talk to Earth in camera anymore. Words in song must be adjusted to fit current situation, statement.”
“You went on a rant about the inefficiency of the human body for over two hours, I think you’ve talked to them enough.”
“Is true. Rocky have more to say about how humans can be more efficient. Also want to talk about bad ship design and confusing Earth humor. Grace no let Rocky speak. Grace silence Rocky - bad, bad, bad.”
Well, yeah, it’s technically true that he’s silencing him, but not for the reason he thinks. The last thing anyone needs is for Rocky to piss off the wrong humans. As far as Rocky’s concerned, the possibility of an intergalactic war is below zero, but he’s never met a human politician. “Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, bud.”
“Not whatever Rocky say. Whatever Dolly Parton say.”
“Of course.”
Rocky’s love for Dolly cannot be overstated. He went so far as to give her an Eridian name, something he has never done before. Ryland lucked out that “grace” has a counterpart word in Eridian, so Rocky didn't have to name him, but every other human has been referred to by their distinguishing feature plus the word “human” thrown in somewhere. Rocky came up with a word for “human” himself - a combination of the Eridian words for leaky, space, and blob - and he's been getting a lot of mileage out of it.
For example, he calls Stratt “boss human.” Yao is “pilot human,” Ilyukhina is “engineer human,” and everyone else from Ryland's stories are “science human one, two, three,” et cetera.
Dolly Parton gets a name, though, so that tells Ryland a lot about where Rocky is ranking her on the human pyramid.
“Dolly Parton sing many songs. Rocky like all of them. Does Grace know Dolly Parton on Earth, question?”
“No, Rock, I don't know Dolly Parton personally. Not many people do. And she sure as hell doesn’t know that I exist.”
“Is okay. When Grace go back to Earth, Grace will be a hero for entire planet and Dolly Parton will know who Grace is. You meet. You tell her Rocky is big fan.”
Ryland doesn't really have the heart to tell Rocky that there's a good chance Dolly Parton has died at some point during the Project Hail Mary expedition - and if she hasn't, then she will almost certainly be dead by the time he returns home, so he just nods and goes along with it. “You got it, bud. I'll tell her.”
A few hours later, Rocky rolls back into the lab in a fit of hysterics. “Grace, question! Why different human sing Dolly Parton song, question?! This is theft, question?”
Wow, he's really taking copyright infringement seriously for someone who has no idea what a copyright is. Luckily, Ryland knew this conversation was coming. He’s synched up Rocky's laptop to one of his own so he can keep track of whatever Earth-related rabbit holes he’s falling into. The other day, while blasting “Jolene” at full volume, Rocky somehow stumbled upon Ryland’s infamous paper about water being unnecessary for evolution outside of Earth. Needless to say, he had several opinions on the matter and none of them were good. Hence the computer monitoring. Ryland doesn't need any more unwanted surprises on this mission.
“No, not theft. This is called a ‘cover.’ When someone likes a song enough, they sometimes want to record themselves singing it.”
There’s a pause.
“Understand. Rocky like.”
“Good.”
“Rocky do, too. Grace record Rocky singing a Dolly Parton song. Grace go back to Earth with recording and give to Dolly Parton. Then, Dolly Parton know who Grace is and that Rocky is big fan. Is good idea, question?”
“You know what? Yes. I think that’s a fantastic plan.” Not only will Ryland be returning home with the key to saving the world, but he’ll also get to bring back the first ever alien music cover. He can’t imagine he’ll be allowed to keep any of the other recordings he’s taken of Rocky - whatever government that remains on Earth will likely confiscate them and decide on whether or not to reveal the existence of alien life to the public. But if he keeps the song recording separate… Well, it might be the only piece of Rocky he can get away with keeping for himself. Is it selfish? Yes. Very. But he doesn’t want to live the rest of his life without having something to remember his best friend by. “Let’s get to recording.”
“Yes, yes, I go pick out song.”
~
Ryland has made up his mind. He’s going to save Rocky.
After filling up the Beatles with the taumoeba farms, reports of their findings, video logs, and bits of xenonite, Ryland slips in one final envelope with a single USB flash drive and a note inside. It’s addressed to none other than Eva Stratt.
Stratt-
Use your infinite connections to get this file directly to Dolly Parton’s estate. Or whatever’s left of it. Don’t ask questions, just do it. You owe me one.
-Grace