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Memento Vivere

Summary:

Written for the "100 Ways To Say I Love You" challenge, prompt: "Stay there, I'm coming to get you." Takes place before the timeskip at the end of Episode 25.

Even after seeing the truth brought to light and Maverick put away for good, Barnaby isn't entirely okay. He learns one day by accident that neither is Kotetsu. And he's surprised to realize how much that helps. After all, a lot of things become a lot less scary with a partner at your side...including some feelings you might previously never have had the courage to admit out loud. And even if they're not out busting heads together anymore, Kotetsu and Barnaby aren't ready to give up being partners.

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Kotetsu was late.

That in and of itself was nothing new or unexpected. For someone who’s powers were based on increasingly shorter and shorter lengths of time, he had a terrible sense of it. But Barnaby was finding his temper shorter than usual, after spending the last hour and a half digging through paperwork. Who knew that quitting the hero business would be so time consuming? Especially since all of this was apparently such sensitive material that he was required to trek over to Apollon Media’s headquarters to do it.

The plan had been for Kotetsu to meet him for lunch, and then for Barnaby to physically escort him back to the building and see to it that his former partner got started on his share of the paperwork before making his own blessed escape. But his increasingly frequent glances at the clock on the wall were telling him that Kotetsu should have been here fifteen minutes ago.

It was agony, waiting longer. The clock seemed to be ticking slower by the second. But Barnaby made himself wait another five minutes. Then, with a huff of irritation, he pulled out his phone and dialed his friend’s number.

It rung three times, went to voice mail, and Barnaby felt ice in his chest. Trying deliberately to keep his hands from shaking, he dialed again.

Fortunately, Kotetsu picked up on that second attempt. “Bunny?” he asked, and Barnaby felt another chill race down his spine. His partner sounded so…uncertain. Almost half asleep.

“Where are you?” he asked, rather less sharply than he’d initially intended. “You’re late.”

“I am?” He heard movement on the other end of the line – presumably Kotetsu checking the time on his phone – and then a muffled swear. “Yeah, uh…Bunny? I don’t think I’m gonna be able to make it to lunch today.”

Kotetsu was not always a terribly reliable person. Barnaby had complained about that fact frequently during their partnership. This might have been just another instance of that. But something in the shaky tone of Kotetsu’s voice made him doubt that much.

“Where are you? What happened?”

Barnaby was already getting to his feet. Kotetsu’s reply almost made him walk off without his coat.

“I don’t know. I don’t…I don’t know what happened, Bunny. The last thing I remember, I was heading into the building, I handed over my badge for them to scan, and then…”

Immediately, several worst case scenarios flooded into Barnaby’s mind as he fumbled with his jacket. A kidnapping. Stolen memories. A plan they hadn’t forseen, an attack they hadn’t been prepared for…

“…I think maybe I’m in South Silver?”

“So, not far,” Barnaby replied brusquely. “Not far at all. Stay there, Kotetsu. I’m coming to get you.”

*  *  *

It wasn’t a very long drive, and as soon as Barnaby found a parking spot, he called Kotetsu back to give him directions. After a few false starts, the older man was able to guide him to a park where Kotetsu had apparently found a place to rest. Good. Even disoriented and confused, he’d known to stay to a public place where he couldn’t easily be attacked again. Barnaby approved of this rare show of sense.

Though even that faded to concern at the sight of his partner. Kotetsu was sitting on a bench, slumped forward with his elbows resting on his knees and his hands clenched tightly together. It didn’t quite do enough to hide the fact that they were shaking. The way his hat was pulled a little lower over his face didn’t quite hide his haunted expression.

“Kotetsu!” Barnaby called out, hurrying over. His former partner looked up sharply at the sight of him…before smiling in a truly heartwrenching relief.

“Hey, Bunny,” he said, sliding over to make room on the bench. Barnaby took it without further hesitation. “Sorry again about lunch.”

“Never mind that. What happened? Do you remember anything else?” He laid a hand on Kotetsu’s arm, and felt his heart stutter a beat when even that small gesture of support seemed to make Kotetsu relax.

The older man rested his head in his hands and took a shaky sort of breath. “…no,” he finally admitted, shaking his head. “I’ve been going over and over those minutes in my head, and…it’s like I just wasn’t even there for whatever happened next.”

Barnaby knew the feeling well, and the memory of it made his throat tighten painfully. So he tried to give Kotetsu the same advice he had been relying on himself. “Start with what you can. No detail is too minor to hang on to.” They would figure this out, together. Kotetsu had done that for him. This was the least Barnaby owed his partner in turn.

A place to start seemed to help. Kotetsu nodded, and then was silent for a moment longer, and then he spoke cautiously.

“I walked into the building. I walked up to the terminal. There were two guards there. I told them who I was. I gave them my badge. They tried to scan it. It…”

Kotetsu lifted his head, though one hand remained pressed against his mouth. “It didn’t scan,” he said, in a voice of dawning horror. “My badge wouldn’t scan. They tried again, and it still wouldn’t, and one of them called up to the office, and I…I ran. It was like I blinked, and I was outside and running. Bunny, I…”

He looked over at Barnaby, and Barnaby could barely stand it to see his friend looking so lost. That was an expression he was all too familiar with just from looking in the mirror. That was not an expression Kotetsu should ever wear. “…I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Kotetsu confessed quietly.

Barnaby didn’t either, at first. But he was getting better at taking his own advice. He leaned forward, unconsciously mimicking Kotetsu’s posture, and closed his eyes as he reviewed the details one piece at a time. He thought he knew what had ultimately happened, of course. When the mind was in the throes of a blind panic, it was often more focused on getting away than on recording memories or taking in details. Something had scared Kotetsu so badly that his desire to get away had overridden everything else. But what could that something have been? He knew that Kotetsu didn’t scare easily…

“What did they say? Can you remember what they said?”

“The things they were told to say in that kind of situation, I guess. ‘Do you have any alternate ID’, ‘Can you prove you’re Wild Tiger’…”

And then it all made sense. It would have made sense even if Kotetsu hadn’t tensed up beside Barnaby, probably without even realizing it. Barnaby reached out a hand to rest against Kotetsu’s back, steadying his friend for what he was about to say next.

“That’s probably a lot how it happened last time, wasn’t it?”

“Last time…?”

“When Maverick made everyone forget you.”

He reflected too late that there had probably been a better way to phrase that. Barnaby felt the muscles in Kotetsu’s back seize with a sudden rush of tension, heard his breath catch, and knew the memories were coming back to him all at once. That was unfortunately how it worked.

But Kotetsu was strong, and Barnaby was here with him, and so Kotetsu was able to ride out that tide of memories until they quieted. He nodded once, then again. Then he straightened up only to slump back against the chair instead, tilting his head towards the clouds, and letting out a long, tired sigh.

“Yeah,” Kotetsu said, very quietly. “That’s just about how it went last time.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I mean…it’s not like I was expecting this to still bother me. Definitely not this much”

“It’s okay that it does. It…must have been terrifying.” Barnaby remembered that he had been part of the reason that experience was so awful. He felt his stomach roil with guilt – senseless guilt, perhaps, since Maverick had arranged that entire disaster. But Barnaby had been able to remember Kotetsu, in the end. So didn’t he hold responsibility for not remembering earlier?

Kotetsu let out a soft huff. When Barnaby risked a glance over at him, he saw that his partner was smiling wanly “’Terrifying’. Yeah…” He closed his eyes. When Barnaby laid a hand on his shoulder, Kotetsu leaned into it just a little.

Even if Barnaby felt like he was the one who needed the support, with what Kotetsu said next.

“It could happen again, you know.”

The words took a minute to sink in, and it felt like they left ice water in their wake. Barnaby swallowed painfully, trying to ignore the fog of panic creeping in at the edges of his vision, and made himself ask: “What could?”

“Well, the powers of a NEXT aren’t unique, are they? I mean…” Kotetsu gestured at Barnaby, then at himself. “So you know…technically, there could be another NEXT out there with Maverick’s powers. And if whoever it was noticed us, decided to mess with us again…we’d probably never know it until too late. You know? I could wake up one of these days, and…” He flicked his fingers like a man brushing a troublesome bit of lint aside. “…my entire life could be gone. All over again. I guess I’m just…still on high alert for that day. So when my badge didn’t scan…hell, it was probably just a computer glitch.” Kotetsu shrugged, too deliberately casual to be entirely believable. “Or they jumped the gun in removing me from the system.”

He hadn’t known, not really. Perhaps just because his recovering psyche had subconsciously tried to protect him from that very possibility. Barnaby felt his lungs tighten with that mounting fear and dread until he thought he might start wheezing. Kotetsu noticed, and reached out to cover Barnaby’s hands with one of his own. Barnaby noticed that his friend tightened his grip just slightly when Barnaby exhaled, then loosened it when he inhaled. Giving him something to guide his breathing by, since it was one of the first things he usually forgot how to do in the throes of a panic attack.

This man really did know him so well, now. Perhaps even better than Barnaby was willing to believe he knew himself. And so even if Kotetsu had no words of encouragement to offer, Barnaby could see that it was because Kotetsu was too greatly in need of encouragement himself.

This time, just this once, Barnaby trusted himself to offer that encouragement. After all, wasn’t this something he had experience with? Weren’t these fears he was familiar with, far more than Kotetsu should ever have to be.

That realization let his voice sound bolder than he truly felt, as Barnaby spoke again. “If it happens again, then…I have to believe we’ll be able to get through it again. Together, like we did before. We would find each other, and we would figure out what we lost. Why wouldn’t we? You said it yourself…we’re the best team.”

He’d said it just before Barnaby had punched him in the face hard enough to drop him to his knees. That memory, unfortunately, remained all too clear – probably for both of them. But Kotetsu had seemed willing to set that moment aside. For the sake of moving forward, Barnaby thought he could do the same. He looked at Kotetsu and offered a thumbs-up and a smile. When this was enough to get Kotetsu to look over at him, Barnaby offered a fistbump instead.

That did the trick. He’d known it would. Kotetsu downright beamed, before returning the gesture. “I did say it,” he agreed, already sounding livelier. “And even if we’re both out of the game, I still believe it. Thanks, Bunny. That still means a lot, from you.”

“You’re welcome, Kotetsu. I’m glad.” Better yet, perhaps galvanized by this successful interaction, Barnaby could feel the gears in his head turning towards another plan. He wasn’t about to turn aside from that. Instead, he got to his feet, and offered Kotetsu a hand up as well. “Now, come on.”

With a theatrical groan and a rolling of his eyes, Kotetsu let himself be helped up. “Paperwork time?”

“Not just yet. I still haven’t eaten lunch, after all. Being a little more late at this point won’t get you any less in trouble, after all. So come on. I know a place we can go.”

Since Barnaby was the one who still had a car nearby, Kotetsu didn’t exactly have a choice but to agree.

*  *  *

Barnaby drove them down to the Southside Silver Mall. Kotetsu didn’t think anything of that not at first. After all, it was close by the park and had plenty of places to eat. The fact that Barnaby picked a salad bar rather than one of the three hotpot or buffet restaurants was probably meant as a punishment for Kotetsu even accidentally skipping out on the paperwork. Still, Kotetsu was hungry enough from his earlier shock and his admittedly long run that he didn’t complain too much, and demolished a respectable portion of his food.

The real surprise came after lunch. Rather than leading the way back towards the parking lot, Barnaby grabbed Kotetsu’s hand to tug him further towards the heart of the mall.  “Come on,” his old partner urged, smiling enigmatically.

Kotetsu dug in his heels for just a moment. “‘Come on’ where?

“You’ll see. Don’t you trust me?”

After the events of the day, what could he say to that but an affronted: “Of course.” And what could he do but follow? It didn’t strike him as strange until they’d gone a few feet that Barnaby was still holding his hand. Even then, it wasn’t a bad sort of strange, so Kotetsu only smiled fondly at the realization, and didn’t pull away.

They passed storefront after storefront, Kotetsu looking intently at every one and wondering if it would be Barnaby’s destination. None of them were, however. In fact, even after Barnaby checked a directory and led them down an apparently random hallway on the other side of the mall, his ultimate goal proved to be…

“A photo booth?” Kotetsu asked blankly.

Barnaby nodded, looking quite pleased with himself. “A photo booth,” he agreed. “Now get in.”

“W-Woah, hey!”

But no explanations were forthcoming. Just more tugging, as Barnaby pulled Kotetsu into the dark, close space behind the curtain.

A few increasingly noisy and crowded minutes passed, before the booth obligingly spat out a photostrip from the slot on the side. Kotetsu and Barnaby then emerged back out into the hustle and bustle of the mall. Barnaby was patting his hair back into place, Kotetsu was straightening his hat, and both men were smiling.

“How do they look?” Kotetsu asked, as Barnaby went to pull the film strip out for inspection.

“Not bad.” Barnaby nodded his approval, before holding the paper out for Kotetsu to see. “Take a look.”

Kotetsu leaned closer.

The first picture looked normal enough – both men, sitting side-by-side. Kotetsu had his arm draped around Barnaby’s shoulders, leaning a little against his partner. The second photo, however, had Kotetsu getting bored with that sort of normalcy, and he was in the process of messing up Barnaby’s hair. In the third, Barnaby had stolen Kotetsu’s hat and was valiantly holding back his attempts to grab it back. And the last picture had them slumped against each other, clearly fighting back laughter. Barnaby, however, had not been enjoying himself too much to get in one last dig at his partner.

“You gave me rabbit ears?!” Kotetsu demanded, torn between feeling affronted and amused. How had he not noticed Barnaby’s hand behind his head?

Barnaby shrugged and smiled faintly, looking entirely unashamed with himself. “I think most people call them ‘bunny ears’, actually. And why not? You kind of had it coming. Now give me that.” So saying, he tugged the picture strip away from Kotetsu with one hand, and pulled a pen from his pocket with the other. He braced the pictures against the side of the booth – picture-side down – and then uncapped the pen with his teeth. Frowning pensively, he leaned forward and jotted down a note on the back of paper. Once he was done, he put the pen back and held the photostrip back out to Kotetsu. “Here.”

Kotetsu obediently took the paper, flipped it over, and read the words scrawled on the other side in Barnaby’s aggressively neat handwriting.

I, Barnaby Brooks, Jr., am of sound mind and writing this message to myself. The man beside me in these pictures is Kotetsu T. Kaburagi. He is my friend and partner. If I forget that, that is the fault of someone else – probably a Next that has modified my memories. Listen to him and help him stop them. Just don’t be afraid to suggest better plans for doing so, because he’s not great at them. And don’t worry if he calls you ‘Bunny’. It’s what he does. You get used to it.

The note was finished with the neat, looping signature that Kotetsu had come to know so well. He read it again, and again, and felt relief blooming in his chest as he understood. It felt like the weight of the world was sliding off his shoulders, and he grinned to realize it.

He didn’t need the explanation that Barnaby offered. But it was still nice to hear the plan put into words.

“If something happens…if I forget you again…” He heard his partner swallow at the very idea. “Show that to me. I doubt anyone could ever make me forget my own handwriting, right? And…” Here his tone softened. “This is real. This isn’t a video that can be erased from the Internet or a file that can be locked away. We were here. We sat together and we took those pictures and I have to believe that would mean something to me, even if I forgot it. Then, whatever happens, we can figure it out. Right?”

“Right,” Kotetsu agreed, and let out a shaky little laugh as he felt dizzy from relief.

It was right at that moment that their second film strip was put out by the booth. Kotetsu snatched it up, and as he did so he remembered asking why they needed two.

“One for me and one for you,” Barnaby had said with a smile, as the camera whirred back to life. “It’s only fair, right?”

“Yeah,” Kotetsu agreed, a little breathlessly. “So this one will be for me?”

“Sure.”

“So that means it can be my idea what’s in it, right?”

Barnaby shot him a sidelong glance that was half-suspicious, half-thoughtful. “…sure,” he finally agreed, with a nod.

It had been a long, strange, tiring day. So Kotetsu didn’t have the energy to hesitate before he asked permission. And maybe it was because it had been a long, strange, tiring day, but Barnaby smiled like Kotetsu had hung the moon, and gave that very same permission.

“How does it look?” Barnaby asked. Kotetsu let himself believe he wasn’t imagining the faint spots of pink on the other man’s cheeks.

Kotetsu stared down at the three pictures of the two of them kissing, and the last one of the two of them just leaning peacefully against one another again. He felt his heart warm with love and hope. “They look great,” he said with feeling. “Really great. Thanks, Bunny. Thank you so much for…” His voice wavered, his hand tightened for a moment, and Kotetsu had to exert an effort of will to keep from crumpling or bending that precious strip of paper. “…everything. Thanks for coming to get me”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Barnaby’s expression soften. He saw his partner lean forward, and felt a soft, warm kiss brushed over his cheek.

“Just take the pen, old man,” he huffed, before pressing it into Kotetsu’s other hand. “And hold on to that. It’s…important to me, too, all of a sudden.”

Kotetsu let out a shaky little laugh, even as he uncapped the pen and laid the paper against the booth, picture-side down, to write his own message to himself.

I, Kotetsu T. Kaburagi, am of sound mind and writing this message to myself. The man beside me in these pictures is Barnaby Brooks, Jr. A.K.A. ‘Bunny’. He is my friend and partner. I love him very much. If I ever forget that, it means that someone has taken that memory away from me. Trust him, and fight beside him to get back your memories. Together, you can take down anyone who tries to mess with you. You make the best team.

And he signed the message with his own signature, before tucking the photo strip safely into his vest pocket. “Here you go!” he said brightly, passing the pen back to Barnaby.

Barnaby took it and tucked it with slightly unsteady fingers back into his own pocket, before his hand darted out quick as a snake to grab Kotetsu’s. “I hope you don’t think this means you’re getting out of doing your paperwork, Kotetsu,” he replied archly, raising an eyebrow. But his stern expression only lasted for a moment, before it faded into a softer smile. “You’re not that attractive.”

Kotetsu let out an indignant sputter, but even he couldn’t stay offended. That sputter faded into a laugh. He leaned close enough to nudge his shoulder against his partner’s. “Nah, I guess not. You caught me, Bunny – take me away.”

Barnaby immediately set the work dragging Kotetsu back towards the entrance to the mall and the car waiting outside. Kotetsu was happy to let himself be dragged along. “That’s just how it is, old man,” Barnaby said, and even with his back to Kotetsu he could hear the smile in his friend’s voice. “Wherever you go…I’ll be there to find you and drag you back to what needs to be done. It’s as simple as that.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, partner,” Kotetsu said, and meant the words with all his heart.