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Ryland is trying and failing to figure out a Rubik's cube when a loud knock sounds at his cabin door. Rocky mentioned he'd be coming by today, but still. It's a little early for him.
“Coming, coming.”
More knocking, growing faster, even though Ryland knows for a fact that Rocky can hear his approach. “I'm coming, my goodness. Why must you be so impatient?”
He opens the door and Rocky waltzes in without a moment of hesitation. He's wearing his celebratory clothing, which is unexpected. “Hi, Grace. Good news, good news. We celebrate.”
“What’s the good news?” Ryland asks, raising an eyebrow and closing the door behind Rocky. “You and Adrian finally decide to lay a few eggs?”
“No, not yet,” Rocky replies, doing math on his fingers. “Will do in three-hundred and seventeen days. Much to accomplish before then.”
“Glad to hear it. I’m excited to have a little Rocky running around here.”
“Not Rocky. Will have different name.”
“I know, it’s just an expression, Rock.”
“Ah, idioms. Confusing.” The Eridian words Rocky uses for “idiom” are “human” and “nonsense,” a term that is close enough to what idioms actually are, so Ryland lets it slide.
He pinches the bridge of his nose and slides his glasses down his face. “So, what are we celebrating then?”
Rocky turns and stands proudly, the metal on his outfit clanging together like applause. “Made small space ship like Beatles. Sent message to Earth. Will hopefully hear back within Grace lifetime.”
Ryland blinks. And then he blinks some more. “You did what now?”
So, as it turns out, Rocky and Adrian have figured out how to use the video diary cameras on the Hail Mary, as well as the translator app they used when they first met, and have been recording interstellar trade agreements every night while Ryland was asleep. They did not see it necessary to loop him in on the plan for the sake of it being a “special surprise.”
At least they saved a copy of the video.
“Hello, Earth! My name is Rocky from Erid! Not Rocky from movie, no, no, no. We have Grace on Erid in a nice dome with oxygen, house, and beach. Hail Mary is still functional. Grace doing well - is a schoolteacher again for Eridian children. Thinks sand from beach is lava. Very confusing, but no correct him. Lava make Grace happy.”
The introduction admittedly makes Rocky sound like he’s Ryland’s kidnapper, but has been really nice about holding him hostage. However, everything that comes next is a list of demands with no promise of his safe return.
“Grace live here forever, statement. We give nutritional food, but human food on Erid is not varied. Need something called ‘comfort food.’ Grace need more coffee or else he get very grumpy after sleep. Send enough to last many years. Grace also mention something called ‘instant ramen.’ Is apparently food that never go bad. Only need hot water. Have plenty of that on Erid. Send lots for Grace so he stop complaining. Send other human food that no go bad, too. Grace say humans need different types of flavors so to not get bored. Humans get bored very quickly. Is inefficient, but Rocky will talk more on that later.”
Ryland leans forward and checks the time stamps on the video. It’s four hours long. This is going to be a long day. That being said, the potential of getting more coffee and ramen two decades from now is exciting.
“Grace save stars, so send Grace ‘enrichment.’ More puzzles. More games. More movie. Send many more movie. Eridians like movie, too. You send all new movie made on Earth since Grace departure. We send xenonite in return. Is good deal, question?”
Okay, he’ll admit it: Ryland’s heart is warm. This is objectively very sweet and he’s touched that Rocky managed to not only remember everything he said he missed about Earth, but also find a way to add those words to the translation app. Maybe teaching him the English alphabet was a good idea after all.
All of a sudden, Adrian comes on the screen. From the looks of it, she was the one keeping the camera steady. Rocky, who is sitting next to Ryland, dances in place at the sight of his mate on screen.
“No movie with human called ‘Tom Cruise.’ No like. Erid think Tom Cruise bad, bad, bad! You send Tom Cruise, then you cruise for bruise.”
Ryland takes a sip of his water just to spit it back out, which goes completely unnoticed. Next to him, Rocky is laughing his carapace off and waving his arms around in glee. “Is good joke! Adrian funniest Eridian! Already master Earth humor!”
“Yeah, she’s hilarious…” The universe is doomed. “So… Just to be clear, you already sent this to Earth, correct?”
“Yes, I sent this morning! While you sleep.”
“Understood.” Earth is going to lose its collective mind over this. Well… It’s not like it’s Ryland’s problem. He used to worry about wars between Earth and Erid, but then he remembered that humans can’t step foot in Erid’s atmosphere without Eridian aid. Even if they had enough xenonite to make a ship that could land on this planet, they would be so outnumbered and outclassed on every level imaginable.
So, yeah. Why shouldn’t Rocky send vaguely threatening video messages back to Earth? He’s their hero, too. They owe him. And Ryland especially owes him support for all of his new, whimsical hobbies.
“Send Earth fossil. Send fossil of crab and spider. Grace say Eridian look like crab and spider. Have seen in movie, but need to confirm likeness. Erid will send samples of species in return so science humans can research. Send jar of honey. Grace say it last forever, despite being edible. Want to study. Send something called ‘canned cheese.’ Grace say it is both real food and not real food at the same time, question? Very confusing. Need to see.”
“Canned cheese is edible, bud.”
“Just because it is edible does not mean it is human food. Grace taught that.”
Okay, Rocky got him there. Ryland raises his hands in defeat. “You win.”
“Obviously.”
Ryland rolls his eyes and skips through the video, landing on the tail end of Rocky’s list of demands:
“Erid send xenonite, plus samples of Eridian life and geology. We also send Eridian tokens of friendship. We keep sending things back and forth. Earth and Erid friends now. Grace and Rocky save stars together, so Earth and Erid learn about each other, statement. Excite to hear back from human friends.”
Everything after his list of demands consist of more lectures about the inefficiencies of the human body, explanations of how time on Erid is measured, and a bunch of engineering discussions that Ryand can’t even attempt to keep up with.
“Rocky and Adrian did good job, question?”
Ryland looks from the screen to Rocky with a stupid smile on his face. No one has ever done something like this for him before and, honestly, it feels really nice. Weird as hell, but... nice. He feels loved. “Yeah, bud. You did great. Amaze, amaze, amaze.”