Chapter Text
Dooku was almost pleased Obi-Wan did not lose his almost magical abilities to sneak around undetected and to find him. It was almost endearing.
"Master Kenobi," Dooku greeted. "How nice of you to join me. Would you care for a glass of Corellian Void-aged Bourbon?"
"I would be a fool to accept a poisoned drink."
Obi-Wan hesitantly stepped into the room, keeping his lightsaber in his hand, not yet igniting it. Just from the way he carried himself, Dooku could tell he was truly a master of Soresu. Every single movement spared energy, with no unnecessary actions. It was almost as if Soresu flowed through his veins.
"Your aversion to bourbon is unsurprising." Dooku didn't quite turn his back to Obi-Wan but didn't hold a position that gave him an advantage as he grabbed a bottle. "Perhaps a cider would be more to your liking. I do remember you being fond of 'juice' as a youngling."
"What?"
"Of course I stock up on a variety. I have manners."
"No, not that." Obi-Wan frowned at him, and Dooku lamented the grey hairs and wrinkles on someone still so young. Though he must admit he probably looks adequate given that Skywalker is his padawan. "You never knew me as a youngling. We first met in Genosis."
"We were well acquainted before I left the Order," Dooku started. "You used to hide under my cloak and sit at my feet during council meetings."
"You really expect me to believe that you'd let younglings hide under your cloak and that the council allowed toddlers at their meetings?"
Obi-Wan's frown softened a little bit as he brought his comm closer to his face.
"I am with the target. We will medevac him; I'm afraid the Dark Side has fried his brain."
"You arrogant buffoon," Dooku hissed, igniting his lightsaber. He was confident he could knock Obi-Wan out and drag him to an escape ship. From there, it'd only be a matter of time before he would convince him to join him.
"Nice description of yourself, Count."
Obi-Wan moved to the opening kata for Soresu. Dooku was a master duelist, Kenobi would be light work.
Or rather, he would've been light work had Skywalker not fallen through the ceiling.
"Anakin!"
"Skywalker," Dooku sneered. Granted, it was not a particularly elegant thing to do, but Skywalker sure had a way to rile him up.
"Master!"
Dooku decided to throw a few hefty shelves at them. That'd allow him time to escape, and it was not like the total value of the bottles was a ruinous sum.
"Master," Asajj's raspy voice interrupted. Could she not see he was occupied? Perhaps he had failed to teach her patience. Then again none of his apprentices had achieved mastery in it.
"What is it?"
Asajj had stopped just a step into the room. She was looking at Dooku like he was wearing Coruscanti wool or, worse, burlap.
"Our spy in the Jedi Temple just…" she slowed to a stop, still looking at him with that moronic look in her face. "That Kenobi was in a meeting with Yoda regarding you. What is that on your hands?"
"Have you never seen flimsi before, Asajj? "
"That isn't just flimsi." Dooku lifted an elegant eyebrow. "That looks like something a child would scribble."
"This is a magnificent drawing made by someone who, at the age of 2 standard years old, had more artistry in his pinky nail than you have in your whole being."
""Did you adopt a child while I was on a mission?"
"I do not see how whether or not I have an heir is any of your business. But, no. Alas, I remain without an heir." Dooku placed the drawing in a folder and closed it. "Unless you have further information on Kenobi's meeting with Yoda, leave."
"Ventress, lovely seeing you." Obi-Wan smirked up at her.
"Kenobi, I wish I could say the same thing."
Ventress rolled her wrists, her lightsabers still off.
"Why? Already tired of seeing my handsome face so often?" Obi-Wan held his lightsaber loosely. "If you wished to see me more often, you could always turn yourself in."
"How arrogant of you," she snarled. "How far you've fallen. You went from the apprentice Dooku wanted to babbling here because he replaced you with a toddler."
"A toddler?" Obi-Wan's steps faltered. "Poor thing. The count probably has the youngling practicing etiquette."
"He has him scribbling. " Ventress rolled her eyes. "He keeps his scribbles in this folder. Told me the child has more artistry in a pinky than I do in my whole body."
"He has a toddler?"
"Yes."
"Does he not know they are stinky and loud and snotty?"
Ventress shrugged.
"Perhaps he is a well-behaved one. I have never met him. No idea where Dooku keeps him."
"Locked in a closet perhaps."
"Or in his basement with the dead Jedi," Ventress added.
"What."
"Master Yoda, I insist. Count Dooku has lost his mind."
"Think that, why do you?"
Master Yoda's private quarters were dark yet cozy. His tea was surprisingly tasty for someone who cooked swamp stew whenever he was on shore leave.
"I spoke with Ventress as she was trying to kill me. Again. She claimed he had a toddler hidden away, most likely to raise as his heir."
Master Yoda looked down at his tea cup almost pensively before taking a slow, almost meditative sip.
"Come to the conclusion, how did she?"
"She apparently saw him examining drawings the youngling made."
Master Yoda's ears perked to attention. And the Force surrounding him became almost playful. It felt how marimbas sounded.
"Drawings, she said? A little artist, close to his heart, he has."
Master Yoda then chuckled. It was not a nice sound. It reminded Obi-Wan of the time Master Yoda had accidentally consumed ketamine and ran him over with his hover-chair while laughing.
"This isn't funny, Master Yoda. First he claimed to have babysat me. Now he has stolen a child!"
"Clouded, Dooku’s mind is. Stuck in the past, he is. Changed diapers, he never has. Luck, I wish him."
"Master, I am serious."
"I too am serious."
"Master, I have returned. We may have lost the battle, but I have brought the artifact."
"At least, it wasn't a complete failure from your part."
Asajj handed him the Sith artifact.
"This will go nicely in my office."
"As a paperweight for the drawings of Kenobi’s replacement?" Asajj snickered.
"Excuse me?"
"We both know you are raising the kid since Kenobi keeps rejecting your proposals. The question is, Where do you hide him?" Asajj leaned on the holotable. "Kenobi thinks you locked him away in a closet. I think you keep him in your basement alongside your dead Jedi."
"Master Kenobi what?" Dooku paused, his brain still syncing with what his apprentice had just said. "You scoured my basement?"
Before Dooku could even think of using his Force lightning on her, Asajj slipped out of the door. She ran down the hall knowing that Dooku wouldn't run after her. That would be inelegant.