Chapter Text
It was a lovely Tuesday morning. It had just stopped raining a few hours ago. The clouds had long since departed and the sun was now shining brightly. London was bustling with people trying to catch up to their morning schedule, which was delayed by the rain. On the pavement strolled a young man, full of hope.
'What a lovely day to be alive!' thought Albert, who was making his way to Director Holmes's office.
'Surely nothing can go wrong, right?'
-------
"You are fired."
...
"As of today, MI6 has officially disbanded."
Albert stared at the Director dumbfounded. His face filled with pure, untainted confusion.
"...What?"
"Need I repeat myself, Lord Moriarty?"
...
"Does that mean I lose my killing license?"
"Yes."
"And access to classified information?"
"Yes."
"And my exquisite wine privileges?"
"..Yes."
Albert felt rather hurt.
He had been betrayed by his favorite superior, the British Government. Well, former superior, still the British Government. And how would he ever convey this devastating news to everyone? Louis would scold him, William would be disappointed that they lost their government connections, Moran would keep reminding him of this day till he takes his last breath.
How would Albert ever deal with this...
-------
Three weeks had passed since the Moriarty Manor realized that their daily spendings were equal to that of a luxurious ball.
An immediate meeting was held as soon as William returned to London. They all gathered in the drawing room. Albert was sitting at his usual spot on the sofa, though his face was unusually grim.
The rest of the group gathered around him with William sitting across him.
From the corner of his eye, Albert could see Moran glaring at him and Fred hovering ominously in a corner, as usual.
"First and foremost, our funds are depleting at an exponential rate." William stated, matter-of-factly.
A heavy silence hung over the room.
According to William's calculations, they had gone £974 over the daily budget.
The atmosphere in the room was a stark contrast to the bright sunshine pouring in through the window behind Albert, making him look all the more depressed. Bonde broke the silence rather enthusiastically.
"So Will, what do we do about this situation? How will the plan continue?"
"The plan will continue, of course. But you all will have to look for new jobs. If we fail to take action now, the Moriarty household will go bankrupt."
"A job?" Louis asked, his disdainful gaze lasting on Moran a second too long.
"Yes, we would've arranged jobs for you but, without government connections, that would prove to be quite difficult."
Bonde's eyes glittered with an emotion no one could make out. To Albert, it seemed to be a sort of excitement or mischief, but the brunette was too busy in his self-loathing to pay much attention.
"We can get any job right?" Bonde enquired.
"Yes. As long as it doesn't hinder our plans."
"I'll take any job as long as there's no chimney cleaning involved." Moran said, making a sour face at the reminder of the chimney cleaning hells he'd faced.
The rest of the meeting was a blur to Albert. When he looked up, the meeting seemed to have ended and everyone was making their way out of the drawing room. As he was getting up to leave as well, William approached him, concern written all over his face.
"Brother, are you all right? You looked distracted during the meeting."
Albert couldn't bring himself to look in William's eyes. He felt too ashamed to do so. He spoke anyways,
"I'm sorry Will...It's all my fault."
"No it's not. We'll have the situation under control in no time. In the meantime, I'd advise you help around Louis's diner. It will also help to the take stress off your mind."
'A diner? I wonder what else I've missed..' Albert thought as he left the room, feeling somewhat at ease.
-------
Albert woke up groggily the next morning, almost immediately remembering the horrors of the past few weeks. He got up later than usual, now being used to not having to wake up early for work.
"Please form a line over here! We will let you in shortly."
He heard a faint voice, coming from the garden. Looking out the window, he saw a huge crowd outside the manor. It seemed Louis's diner was doing well. It was obvious it would do well, Louis's cooking was marvelous.
'Perhaps I should go and help them out.' Albert thought, completely oblivious to the doom he would bring. Though, they were all oblivious to the terrible misfortune yet to fall upon them.
-------
Albert quickly got ready and headed to the garden. The flowers in the garden were bright and colourful, seemingly radiating the same energy as Albert a few weeks back, on the morning of that fateful day before he had gotten that horrible news.
'It seems Fred has worked quite hard for this.'
The diner was a building attached to the Manor, in a way that you'd have to walk past the garden to reach the entrance. The entrance was decorated with different coloured roses and fairy lights.
Albert entered the diner, completely ignoring the line and the looks he got from the customers. There were indeed many people who had come to Louis's diner, more so than he had seen from the limited view his window offered. The amount of noble ladies reminded him of the tea party they had held a while back.
He did not wish to be reminded of that.
The sweet scent of vanilla and the warm cozy air of the diner reminded Albert that he hadn't had his breakfast yet.
'Louis and Jack must be quite busy.' Albert thought, noticing all the occupied seats and the steadily increasing line.
All of a sudden, he was struck with a great idea.
'I needn't bother Jack or Louis, I can just make my breakfast myself. Afterall, my cooking is as brilliant as my Christmas sweaters!'
Albert confidently strode towards the kitchen, somehow avoiding all his dear family members.
-------
Meanwhile, in some obscure part of London, a shady looking man was roaming the streets.
"Can't believe I got kicked out! What did that old man say? Something about getting a job! What right does he have to boss me around!", Moran voiced his thoughts out loud, getting strange looks from passersby.
He sighed and continued walking around aimlessly until he remembered that he was yet to eat anything. As soon as this fact occurred to him, he overheard a conversation between two young women.
"Have you heard of the new diner which opened today?", the taller one spoke.
"Oh of course! Everyone's talking about it. They say the food is to die for!", her companion responded.
"Speaking of which, isn't it right around the corner?"
...
Moran did not hear the rest of the conversation, for he kept walking ahead. He suddenly stopped and thought-
'Might as well go to that diner. It's right around the corner anyways.'
It wasn't too hard to locate the diner considering the crowd outside of it. Though Moran felt that the area was a little bit too familiar. The diner itself probably looked quite nice from the outside, but Moran couldn't say anything, considering his lack of aesthetic sense. There were roses at the entrance-
Didn't they look a little bit too much like Fred's roses?
He walked in, not bothering to deal with the line, and found himself a secluded seat in a dark corner. He smelled some sort of stew being served to another customer-
Didn't it smell a little bit too much like Louis's beef stew? And was that a lock of blonde hair he saw by the staff room?
Could it be....Of course not! He was sure he could not, even by accident, find himself back here. There was no way...His instincts would've told him....right?
No, it must be his imagination!
He grabbed a menu and quickly skimmed through the options. He was a little bit shocked, he didn't expect the prices to be as affordable as they were. He chose the cheapest thing on the menu and called over a waiter who looked suspiciously like Fred...had his instincts betrayed him?
Upon seeing his waiter's face, he was momentarily speechless and then burst into laughter.
"Fred!? To think that I'd see you here! I know we're bankrupt and all but I didn't take you as the waiter type!"
He was sure that the familiarity of the diner was just because his very reliable and trustworthy instincts had sensed Fred! It wasn't because he was back at the manor, right?
Fred just stared at him before speaking in a quiet voice.
"...What would you like to order?"
Moran decided to keep his laughter to himself and gave his order.
-------
Back at the kitchen, Albert enthusiastically opened the cabinet to see what he had at his disposal. He quickly grabbed some random ingredients which consisted of some kind of meat, green pepper, rock salt, ice (from the icebox), and cookie dough.
He opened the spice cabinet, grabbing the spiciest seasoning he could find- black pepper.
He then proceeded to walk up to the stove, pot in hand, and started boiling the ice. He added the whole entire green pepper to the boiling ice and sprinkled some rock salt on top.
The self proclaimed chef moved on to his next great dish while leaving the green pepper to boil.
He started by mashing the 'meat' and putting black pepper on it, some places getting more 'seasoned' and others being left bland. He then put sunflower oil on the meat and gently put it on a frying pan. He turned on the stove and put the frying pan on it.
He was quite proud of his work so far. He had already made two dishes and all that was left was his special pastry. He had seen a recipe for Orange Flavoured Jelly in the newspaper. He planned to combine it with the cookie dough to form a tart. Though he didn't remember most of the recipe, he was sure his great cooking skills would compensate.
He grabbed two oranges from the fruit basket and peeled them. He brought out a pot and put the oranges in it. He had to stop and think-
'How much water was I supposed to add? Ah, I'm sure the exact measurements don't matter, I'll just eye it.'
After reaching this brilliant conclusion, he proceeded to fill the pot to the brim with water. Next, he added at least half a pound of 'sugar' and 6 tablespoons of gelatin to the pot. He turned on the stove and put it on maximum heat for efficiency.
...
He was waiting for the water to start boiling, but it was taking much too long and he was getting hungry, so he quickly stirred it and took the pot off the stove and set it to the side.
Next, he needed to make tart shells. The only problem being, he did not actually know how to make them.
'It cannot be that hard, can it? They look quite easy to make.' Albert thought with obliviousness equivalent to that of a person who definitely had not cooked before.
The enthusiastic earl grabbed the cookie dough and rolled it out on a cutting board. After he was finished, he looked through the cupboards for a muffin pan.
'Louis must keep some muffin pans here somewhere...Ah! Here they are.'
He grabbed a muffin pan and put it on the counter. He brought over his thin sheet of cookie dough and laid it on top of the pan. Seeing as the cookie dough did in fact, not have a mind of its own to fall into the mold, he tried pressing it in. It looked a tad bit uneven, but he was sure it would hold well enough.
He made his way over to the oven. Seeing how complicated it looked, he was reminded of a memory from a long time ago.
'Brother, please, do not ever use the oven without the guidance of either me or Maestro Jack.' He remembered Louis telling him so.
"I'm sure it's nothing serious." Albert spoke out loud to reassure himself.
The oven was already preheated, as Louis had been baking something earlier. Albert brought over his tart shells and put them in the oven.
...
As he was watching the tart shells bake, he remembered that his other dishes were still cooking. He hurried to take the 'meat' off the stove. It was completely burnt from one side and raw on the other, with suspicious black spots on some areas.
'It's perfect!' thought Albert, eyes shining as he looked proudly at his hard work.
He grabbed a plate and plated his main course gracefully. He took out a bowl from a cabinet and poured his green pepper 'soup', where the green pepper was now mushy and collapsing, with no sign of the liquid part of the meant to be soup left.
'My tart shells must almost be done. Time to start preparing the jelly for the filling!'
He flipped over the pot with the jelly on to a plate. The jelly looked like Albert from a few weeks ago, rubbery and crumbly all at the same time.
Albert, seeing this as a success, cut it up into 'bite' sized cubes with a knife equal to the size of his head. He eagerly pulled out his somehow even more crumbly tart shells from the oven and filled them with the jelly cubes.
Finally, at last, his breakfast was ready. 'Beautifully' plated in front of him. But, he felt as if he was missing something of great importance.
'How could I ever have a meal without something to drink?'
He spotted a half empty wine bottle on the counter. He wasn't sure whether it was for drinking or cooking, but did that really matter? He poured himself a glass and stared lovingly at his now complete meal.
All of a sudden, he had an urge to make his meal look even more perfect, if that was possible. He grabbed a silver dome shaped food cover and covered his meal.
By then, his glass of wine had already finished. So, he went back to the counter to get some more. He did not walk even half way through when he heard a gasp of horror from the kitchen entrance.
He turned around to see his dear youngest brother, Louis. Louis's face was going through ten expressions per second, all of different kinds of horror. His brother opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again as if finding no words to express his emotions. After a full 2 minutes, he opened his mouth.
"B-B-Brother Albert? What business could you have in my diner's kitchen? You didn't touch any of the cooking utensils, did you?" His eyes scanned the room to figure out the extent of the damage.
The kitchen was, to put it lightly, a mess. There was oil all over the countertop, seemingly at war with the wine which was slowly expanding its kingdom to the floor. There was a bowl of black pepper on the corner of the counter, next to a heap of orange peels. There were mysterious stains on the wall, which matched the stains on Albert's clothing. There were pots and pans everywhere, taking over all the space that the spilled ingredients could not.
Louis felt his heart skip a beat. His face became three shades paler.
"Oh, if it isn't Louis! Your diner is doing quite well, isn't it? You seem to have lots of lovely ingredients too."
"Brother, forgive me for my bluntness but, what are you doing here? Please describe every action you have taken since you entered the kitchen." Louis spoke calmly, though, inside he felt as if his heart disease had somehow returned.
"Oh, me? I woke up late and there was no one in the Manor and I came here to make my breakfast!" Albert spoke as if it was a perfectly normal reason to be in the kitchen. Well, it would've been normal, had this not been Albert saying it.
Albert continued, pointing to the counter behind him with his thumb.
"Would you care to try some of my amazing breakfast? I worked quite hard on it."
Louis carefully asked, noting that Albert was not actually answering any of his questions.
"Brother Albert, just where is this breakfast you speak of?"
"Oh, it's right he-"
They both stared at the mess on the counter, Albert's meal or anything resemblant of food was nowhere to be seen.
...
"Uhh..Louis...where'd my meal go?"
"What have you done..."