Work Text:
Ironically, the next problem that Grace has to deal with on their journey to Erid begins with Rocky trying to look out for him.
After the two of them sit down and discuss the timeline of the next few years, and what Grace will eventually have to face at the hands of malnutrition, Rocky insists on learning more about human biology as a whole. Rocky is going to get Grace to Erid alive, he promises Grace with a conviction that has Grace both believing him and feeling slightly concerned, and the end result is that they both end up spending weeks pouring over documents and websites concerning the many different health conditions and potential threats to human life.
Grace volunteers to look through the information on radiation poisoning, of course. That had been a rough conversation the first time around, and he doesn't want to inflict that on Rocky again if he can help it. Despite the eridian's insistence that his brain doesn't work the same as a human's, and that 'trauma' is processed differently, and he's absolutely fine, thank you– Grace had his doubts.
So, one day when Rocky is asleep, he reads through the list of symptoms all by himself. He wants to commit them to memory, just in case there is another issue with the astrophage, or he has to do deep-space repairs outside of the ship, or some other emergency scenario crops up. If he starts developing symptoms in the aftermath, he wants to know what they mean.
It feels a bit overkill, actually preparing for such a scenario, but by this point he knows better than to underestimate the danger that space can pose to them. This feels like a healthy paranoia, rather than an irrational one.
It's at that point that he gets thinking - what would radiation poisoning look like in an eridian? Something similar to what you'd see in a human, probably, based on the limited descriptions Rocky had given him when discussing the fate of his crewmates. And, if it affects eridians like it does humans… maybe there are long-term effects to be wary of, too.
Maybe Rocky would end up experiencing long-term effects.
Sure, he had been shielded by astrophage and then by Tau-ceti, but what if he'd still been exposed for long enough for it to do damage in a way that wouldn't be immediately noticeable? What if he'd been injured, and neither of them had realised it?
No. This wasn't a train of thought that he would entertain for any longer. Grace shakes himself – he was being paranoid, and that was all.
Just in case, he asks Mary to check Rocky's vitals, a function that they had spent painstaking hours setting up when Rocky had first become a permanent member of Mary's crew, and, naturally, all is well. If there was anything wrong, they would have noticed by now, Grace tells himself again, trying to combat his worries with logic. Rocky had spent decades by himself. That should have been more than enough time for any problems to show up.
Still. Grace can't shake the feeling that something very bad might be about to happen.
He looks over at his friend. Rocky still has hours left of his sleep cycle, if previous times are anything to go by. Grace moves closer, looking down at his friend. It's impossible to tell anything about him when he's like this. There's no movement while they're in this state of paralysis, not like you'd get with a sleeping human. In fact, grace can picture an eridian looking exactly the same way if they were–
No. No. He wasn't going to think about anything like that. Mary had checked, and Rocky was fine, so Grace was going to get up, return to the computer, and finish his research. Then, he would put the whole morbid topic behind him.
Grace doesn't get back to his feet. Instead, he leans forwards, pressing one hand against the pane of xenonite closest to Rocky.
He'll get back to work in a few minutes, maybe. Taking a break for a little while longer won't hurt.
—
The checking becomes a habit. An innocent habit, but not something that Grace can deny is increasing in frequency. It'll get to the halfway point of Rocky's sleep cycle, or thereabouts, and Grace will find himself gravitating towards the eridian, sitting beside him, making sure that he is close enough to notice if something goes wrong.
Initially it's purely for Grace's benefit, too. When the spiralling thoughts become overwhelming, walking over and sitting next to his friend provides some level of relief. Mary can tell Grace Rocky's vitals, and Grace can sit there, waiting – hoping – for his friend to wake up sooner rather than later.
Rocky has only woken up a couple of times when Grace has been sitting there, having been unable to pull himself away again, and he hasn't had any questions yet. If anything, he has seemed pleased by Grace's proximity. It's probably an eridian thing – Rocky has always maintained that he should watch grace as closely as possible when grace is asleep.
Grace takes it as a sign that it's fine to continue as he is. He's doing a good thing, really, if it can provide his friend with even more comfort than usual.
—
He has taken to recording the length of time that Rocky spends asleep. It's a precautionary measure, and even if he feels a little weird for doing so the first time around, he can't convince himself to stop. If there did end up being something wrong with his friend, he wants to be able to know about it as soon as possible.
—
When he ignores the urge to check on Rocky, Grace starts to get antsy. It feels like he has an itch under his skin that he can't scratch. Not with logic, at least.
The last time he'd felt like this had been before Stratt had given him that impossible choice. With so many lives at stake, he found himself going over and over the same sets of results, double and triple checking the numbers.
Then, there had been no relief for it, or at least no time for him to find any. Now, there is, so why shouldn't he indulge? His actions aren't hurting anyone.
Grace goes and checks on Rocky.
—
He can't stop thinking about it – about what his life would be like without Rocky.
It would probably be cut short, Grace thinks. If Rocky dies on the way to Erid, he probably won't make it through the last couple of months of travel, not if their research is accurate. This, however, feels like the least concerning part of the whole scenario. Death might be kinder than having to carry on without Rocky, because Grace would have to carry on, or else carry the weight of condemning all of Erid to a cold death.
All those deaths on his conscience, and yet he still keeps cycling back to the thought of losing his friend. The idea of failing Rocky somehow makes him feel worse than the idea of failing an entire planet.
—
Rocky has been asleep for an hour longer than on average. It's almost the longest time that Grace has recorded rocky sleeping for, period. In only ten more minutes, it will beat the record.
The ten minutes drag past.
The thirty minutes after those seem to take even longer.
Grace must check in with Mary at least a dozen times (an estimate he would triple, if he were thinking rationally, which he isn't). Eventually he resorts to pacing, filled with too much nervous energy to continue sitting beside his friend, walking back and forth beyond the barrier that separates the two of them.
He knows how punishing the eridian atmosphere is for humans, has the burn scars to show for it, but he still finds himself fixating on how he might find a way to face it again to get closer to Rocky. Rocky is working on a solution to increase his mobility in Grace's environment, but Grace has no way of doing the same in Rocky's. Until now, he'd never thought about this problem, and now that he has he can't help berating himself for the lack of foresight.
Maybe Grace can build something. He may not be an engineer, but he's a fast learner. Maybe a robot…? But, no, any materials he has access to either wouldn't be able to survive the heat and the pressure, or are in limited supply. He needs xenonite. He needs Rocky–
Movement catches his attention.
Eridians can pull themselves from their sleep-state fairly quickly, but still need a little time to reorientate themselves after waking. Rocky, obviously sensing Grace's distress, manages to be up on his feet in half the time that he usually is.
Grace is already down on his knees beside him. "Rocky!" he exclaims, not making any attempt at all to keep the relief from his voice. "You're okay!"
"Of course Rocky okay," Rocky replies between clicks, obviously trying to get a good 'look' at Grace, just as Grace is carefully inspecting him for any signs of injury or distress. "Grace heart organ go fast fast fast – danger, question?"
Rocky's moving around just the same as he normally does, his movements smoother than any rock-spider's had any right to be. The notes that made up his voice sound as steady as ever. From the outside, everything seems to be fine.
"Grace think something is wrong with Rocky, question?" Rocky probes, seeming to notice the scrutiny.
Rocky's second question has Grace realising that he never responded to the first, and how selfish was that? Rocky didn't deserve to be dealing with all of this, and just after he had woken up, too.
"No, bud, I'm sorry," Grace says in a rush, "there's no danger. You just scared me a little, that was all. But it wasn't your fault. You just were asleep for a long time."
At that, Rocky hums. "Not long," he says. "This many seconds is still within normal range for eridian rest-cycle. Grace know this, statement."
He scuttles forwards, tapping one claw against the xenonite. "Grace leaking," he says, quieter.
Grace is. At some point the tears had started, and he hadn't been able to summon the willpower to stop them. He feels exhausted, despite not doing anything but sit next to Rocky for the past few hours. All this worrying, and for what? What would he even have done if something had gone wrong and Rocky had needed help? All he has done is make both himself and Rocky more stressed.
"Grace explain," Rocky eventually says. It isn't a demand. Grace is very familiar with the tone of a demand. "Grace explain, then Grace stop leaking."
Grace explains. To the best of his ability, at least. He tells Rocky about his worries, about his research – at some point, he even confesses to the collection of data he has been keeping on the duration of Rocky's sleep. It all comes out at once, a flood of information that Grace could do nothing to stop even if he wanted to.
He doesn't want to, though. Saying everything out loud makes the whole situation seem different somehow, as if he's seeing it from a different perspective.
"Many many many concerns," Rocky says, after Grace has finished. "Some can fix, some no can fix. We sort one group from the other group. Grace Rocky work together, then no more concerns."
He makes it sound so simple that Grace can't help but laugh. It's a real, genuine thing, and he isn't expecting it, so he starts crying again. Rocky starts berating him for leaking again, and Grace laughs harder, and the conversation has been well and truly derailed – but Grace feels lighter for it. Maybe he'll never reach 'no more concerns', but maybe things will be okay anyway.
After so long spent fixated on the idea of life without Rocky, he had forgotten to consider what life might look like with Rocky in it.