Work Text:
Shane has had a rough day.
His partnership with Calvin Klein required him to go down to Montreal for the shoot, shot in some dimly lit set in a part of the city even Shane was unfamiliar with.
So here he was, Shane Hollander, 3x Stanley Cup Winner and Alternate Captain to the Centaurs currently exiting a Sweetgreen after fumbling with the credit card reader three separate times while the clearly sleep-deprived cashier stared at him with the particular brand of exhaustion that suggested she hadn't slept since Tuesday.
"Debit or credit?" she'd asked.
"Yeah."
A pause.
"Which one?"
Shane had stared at the machine, buffering as he tried to find a response.
Eventually she'd reached over, pressed the button for him, and handed back the card.
Humiliating.
Now he was standing on a side street somewhere in Montreal, sunglasses on despite the overcast weather, clutching a brown paper bag containing three chicken harvest bowls.
The Calvin Klein people wanted him back in twenty-eight minutes.
His phone buzzed.
HAYDEN
Hayden: shane bud talk to me
are the rumours true
can i now dream of affording my kids college tuition again
we all took a pay cut when you left bud 🙏
can't believe ottawa would let you go tbh thats craaazyy of them to do
theres a ginger ale at my house with your name on it jackie will be super happy to see you man
ILYA ❤️
Ilya: Solynshko
shanya please i do not know what is going on
call me back please i miss you
i know harris wouldn't have let the #2 hockey player go when i am here to kill him
we can fix this shanya please text as soon as you can
ya tebya lyublyu
MOM
Mom: Shane. Pick up the phone. We've been over this. Never sign stuff without consulting myself or a trusted individual first.
Although, granted, it looks we'll have to remove Garrett.
I’m sorry I thought I could retire. Clearly there’s too much of a target on your back.
Shane doesn't have any more time to ponder before he hears the click-shutter of a camera as he whips his head around toward the nearby bushes.
In that moment, Shane wasn’t sure what was going through his head. His dress shoes were too tight and the cloth material of his suit jacket felt itchy and wrong against his skin. He doesn't know why paparazzi would be here. Neither the Centaurs or the Metros had a game scheduled this week, and Shanes photoshoot wasn’t public knowledge.
In the corner of his eye, he spots more people, more guys with cameras swarming this small Montreal establishment. So he does the only thing he knows how to do.
He bolts down the street and doesn’t look back, gripping his food and his phone as he holds on for dear life.
PUCKWATCH
@PuckWatchOfficial
🚨 BREAKING: Shane Hollander spotted alone in downtown Montreal during lunch break from undisclosed photoshoot.
The Centaurs alternate captain appeared visibly distressed while carrying a Sweetgreen bag.
Developing story. See more
↳Shanebug24 @centsontop
GET BEHIND ME SHANE 😭😭😭
↳Metro Dynasty @longlivemetros
HE'S COMING HOME.
↳↳JoshZZ @centsfaithful
HE'S LITERALLY BUYING A SALAD
↳↳Metro Dynasty @longlivemetros
A MONTREAL SALAD.
NHLRumourCentral @nhlrumourcentral
Sources indicate Hollander spent approximately 12 minutes inside the restaurant before exiting.
NHLFacts @nhlfacts
Shane Hollander was with the Montreal Metros for 12 seasons
He spent 12 minutes in Sweetgreen.
Coincidence?
↳ALL WE DO IS WIN @centsformidable
I am begging everyone to shut up.
Hockey Gossip @hockeygoss
Interview between reporter and Sweet Green employee on shift shows possible information on Hollanders potential trade.
Video:
[Camera is directed at unnamed guy in his 20s. His nametag says Ted.
Reporter: Did Mr. Hollander say anything unusual?
The employee pauses, rubbing at their eyes before responding.
Employee: He asked if we had extra dressing.
Video cuts to black after several moments of silence from both parties.]
Hockey Gossip @hockeygoss
New photos of Hollander fleeing the streets of Montreal!
Photo 1:
[Photo is directly on Hollander. Hes mid-exiting the doorway of the SweetGreen, face obstructed by the mountain of salad boxes he’s carrying]
Photo 2:
[Photo is shot shakily, it captures Hollanders increasingly mortified face as he checks his phone]
Photo 3:
[Shane Hollander is no longer in the frame. Only a stray salad he left behind on the ground is astray. Photo captures other paparazzi swarming the box to gawk and take pictures]
↳ALL WE DO IS WIN @centsformidable
why did he leave behind evidence 💔
↳Shanes left pec @iguesswellneverknow
THAT SALAD DIED FOR NOTHING
↳Gabby Law @OttawasLawyer
your honor i would like to submit Exhibit A
↳Sweet Green @SweetgreenOfficial ✅
we'd like our bowl back ❤️
↳SBCintern @reporterburner
why are there more pictures of the salad than the player
↳JoshZZ @CentsFaithful
FIND HIM NOT THE LETTUCE
↳Shayden Stan ❤️ @pikehollanderendgame
can someone identify the ingredients
↳Salad Analyst @saladanalyst
after careful examination this appears to be kale
↳↳ Salad Analyst @saladanalyst
this means absolutely nothing
↳NHL Rumour Hub @nhlrumourhub
BREAKING: Sources indicate Hollander abandoned approximately 15 ounces of mixed greens during his escape.
↳ SAVV @yunahollandersupremacy
bro got scared and dropped his lunch 😭
↳ Hockey Gossip @hockeygoss
UPDATE: Multiple photographers remain on scene.
↳ Shanebug24 @centsontop
FOR THE SALAD?????????
↳Hannah 🏒 @metrobeliever
anyone else notice the bowl has white and red
↳↳Vinn2481 @centsnation
THATS CHEESE AND TOMATO
↳↳Hannah 🏒@metrobeliever
montreal colors.
↳PHDBaby @actualpsychologist
please stop
Shane Hollander @shanehollanderofficial ✅
Please stop asking if I'm getting traded.
I don't know.
Garrett Evans is also no longer my agent. We ended our professional relationship a few months before my season in Ottawa began.
Thank you.
7:14 pm
↳Emma @metromaniac
"I don't know" ????????
↳ALL WE DO IS WIN @centsformidable
SHANE WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW
↳NHL Rumour Hub @nhlrumourhub
This is generally considered information players know.
↳COME BACK @ottawasucks
get off twitter and call your agent
↳Alex @ladygrey24
girl are you not reading 😭
↳Chad Chad @hockeyfan247
THE WHOLE PROBLEM IS THAT HE FIRED THE AGENT
↳THREE CUPS @metroforever
maybe he should call him back 🙄
↳ALL WE DO IS WIN @centsformidable
THAT DEFEATS THE PURPOSE???
Ilya Rozanov @therealilyarozanov ✅
Shane please answer your phone.
325k likes
Totally Not Yuna @YunaBurner
Shane if you're reading this answer your phone.
↳Sceptic @hockey4life
omg insider???
↳Totally Not Yuna @YunaBurner
no he's just stupid
↳Shanebug24 @centsontop
😭😭😭😭
Shane is not entirely sure where he's in right now. He's abandoned the suit jacket Cavin Klein let him borrow for the shoot, and he is far too late to even consider going back to the original building, even if he could find it. Fuck he needed ilya. He leaned against the brick wall of some building to catch his breath. Blood was pounding in his ears and he feels all wrong, hot and sticky from all the escaping he's been doing.
Shane looks around, only to be met with the familiar feeling of disappointment. Despite having lived in the area for 12 years, he has no idea where he is. Theres a clothesline hanging above from him and the constant thrum of a generator creates a steady rhythm that he eases his breath to.
He whines, in a tired and troublesome state. He opens his chat with Ilya to find a dozen or so messages, feeling both touched and shameful about making his husband so worried when there was no way he could even reach Shane. He shot him a quick text, along the lines of "i love you", i'm not being traded" and "its all online speculation". Shane sank to the floor afterwards, exhaustion making him unconcerned with the grime sticking to his clothes or the dangers of being in an alleyway this late. He rests his eyes for a bit, not noticing his phone dying in his pocket.
Kev @montrealresident
why is shane hollander in my alley 😂😂
[Photo attached shows the top of Shane Hollanders styled hair, form crouched into a ball as he sits in a tight compact space next to a giant white generator. Beside him are two salad boxes, untouched]
↳ Holy 24 @gucciflipflops
you're laughing. shane hollander is crouched in a ball in front of your house and you're laughing.
↳ Sun sets on Ottawa @divadowncentsup
men are so dumb go bring that man some FOOD 😭😭 look at him
↳ SAVV @yunahollandersupremacy
wdym girl hes got that caesar salad
↳ THREE CUPS @MetroForever
HE'S SCOUTING NEIGHBORHOODS 😍😍
↳ ALL WE DO IS WIN @centsformidable
HE IS HIDING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
↳ Yasmin @citygirlbigheart
this neighborhood sucks btw
↳↳ Svetlana @iamsvetlana ✅
his networth is 22million why would he live here
↳Ember @sparklebug
the concept of shane hollander moving to the hood for a team he left
Kev @montrealresident
update:
he dropped another salad
Hollander Stanz @hollyisthegoat
STOP LOSING THE SALADS
@montrealresident
update:
some reporter found him
he dipped yall
Hockey Gossip @hockeygoss
🚨 Sources report Shane Hollander was overheard saying he "wants to go home" while sitting on a Montreal bench this afternoon.
Several local residents described the player as "pathetic" and "kind of sad."
Montreal Happenings @montrealhappenings
just saw shane hollander sitting on a bench eating salad
[Photo attached shows Shane Hollanders suit slightly wrinkled, tie loosened, hair a mess, and staring into the middle distance. He is holding a plastic fork. He has one salad box left.]
↳ Samantha @blondeskinnyrich
wait why he kinda..
↳↳ Shanes #1 Boy @shanestanrideordie
not now samantha
↳↳ Hollzysgirl @gofckyourselfrozanov
girl don't even that man is OVERSTIMULATED and distressed 😭
↳MontrealHappenings @montrealhappenings
three taxis drove past him
↳MontrealHappenings @montrealhappenings
he looked hopeful every time
↳MontrealHappenings @montrealhappenings
none stopped
Scott Hunter @therealscotthunter ✅
Can someone pick him up?? @ilyarozanov_81 where are you