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"...Is that a toy spaceship?"
Grace looks up at Simon from his spot on the floor. He's got himself curled into the round airlock inner 'door frame', laying down but with his butt far enough up the wall that he's almost upside down. When he looks up, his hair is splayed every which way as a result. "Uh. Yeah?" He says, like this is normal.
Simon blinks. Look, he's not judging. He's been…working through some stuff with Grace and Rocky, in the past few months since joining their crew. He should be the last one double-taking at something a little childish. Especially from Grace, perhaps, who has always been self-indulgent and needing constant stimulation.
"Found this thing when I first woke up here." He reports, holding it in two hands for the moment. It's held out about a foot from his chest, directly above him while he's laying on his back. "I think they probably packed it as a joke."
"Probably." Simon agrees. He's still wrapping his head around a society that has enough resources they can send shit made out of plastic onto a suicide mission as a 'joke', but Grace has explained his Earth's situation more than once to him.
"Ooh!" Grace says, turning the toy over in his hands. "Why, want to try it next time?"
Simon does not blush at being directly asked, because he trusts Grace and he knows that all of that has been helping him, a lot. He clears his throat. "Uh, I dunno. I…prefer animals." He hedges. He doesn't think he wants to imagine falling through space or water or being in confined areas while in that headspace - it's enough of a trial being on the Hail Mary itself.
"Fair." Grace shrugs, looking from Simon back to the ship. "Lemme know if you change your mind, though. It's pretty fun!" He says in that singsong, teasing way. Simon feels an almost instant pull to get down on the ground and let Grace take care of him, and he shakes his head to shove it away for now. Not because he doesn't think he deserves it - he's just got a few things he'd planned on doing today. He can do that later.
And then, maybe because Simon is still there and Grace loves being able to be playful with him, Simon watches Grace as he makes rocket noises with his mouth and makes the spaceship 'fly' through the air above himself. Simon shakes his head, endeared. "Uh-huh." He teases right back, tone still flatter than Grace's often is. "Sounds like you're having enough fun with it for both of us right now."
He means it as a simple joke. But as soon as the words leave his mouth, he…thinks. His brow furrows just a little.
He looks back down at Grace's face and Grace has stopped moving. He's looking up at Simon with the same thoughtful gaze.
They open their mouths and speak at the same time, voices overlapping, and then both stop. Grace laughs, but it's a little high and frantic - he's embarrassed.
"You first," he says.
"Uh. Just… Have you ever wanted…" Simon trails off, tilting his head.
Grace finally rolls up to sit properly - or as properly as Grace ever sits. His brightly-colored socks are more visible below the hem of his pants with his knees bent. Bold, childish stripes of color. "I don't…think so? I mean, it always sounded kinda fun? But I'm not really a, uh…" Grace runs a hand through his hair, then fidgets with the spaceship with both hands. "I'm not about to sit still for storytime like you do."
Simon points at the toy. "No, but…sounds like maybe you'd want something more active?"
Grace looks down at it, contemplative. He'd gone a little pink, and it doesn't fade from his cheeks, but the tension relaxes out of his expression. "I don't think it'll be the same as yours, 'cause I don't really… I mean I don't actually remember my childhood, uh. Not since I got up here." Grace doesn't talk about his memory issues often. Simon can't really imagine what it's like - his own experiences shaped him so deeply, what would missing them be like? Is that what lets Grace be so adaptable and kind, that he doesn't have the weight of memories choking his expression away?
…But then that also means he doesn't remember being a child. The idea sticks in Simon's throat and he suddenly finds himself hoping Grace says yes. Impulsively, he says, "I'd– love to. Be there for you, if you did want to try it. Just… I'd wanna help." Help keep a little Grace safe and happy. Help keep someone happier than Simon got to be.
In a fond rush, Simon believes wholeheartedly that Grace must enjoy doing this for him, because Simon can understand what he'd get out of doing this for Grace.
Grace must see some of this rush of emotion in Simon's face, because he sits up a little straighter, staring at him. "...I think I wanna try it." He admits. "Uh, but be forewarned… I expect a lot of candy during it." He says, with a smile big enough to broadcast it as a joke.
Simon finds he is immediately willing to fantasize about spoiling a little Grace, however. "Careful, or I'll let you, and then you'll give yourself a stomachache."
Grace laughs, eyes crinkling closed, and Simon can only dazedly smile back at him.
***
If Simon thought Grace had energy as an adult, constantly fidgeting and sitting strangely and bouncing rubber balls off every surface while trying to think, he was unprepared for the typhoon of energy the man has become during this experiment.
"Grace, don't fall! I can't catch you if you do."
"Not gonna fall!" Grace chirps, singsong. Grace is currently scaling the cots in the dormitory walls. Not the ladder - the openings for the cots. To be fair, he's mostly hanging off of them at random angles and swinging himself back and forth, almost rocking himself. It seems more like he's just enjoying the new but repetitive stimulus.
And maybe Simon is playing into it a little bit, especially since he's pretty sure that's just a 'normal' adult Grace up there…but also it's a little worrying to watch him dangle.
Grace climbs down after a bit though, and flashes him a wide smile. "This is fun! I can see the appeal."
"I think it's a little different when you're…in it, but yeah. I'm glad you like it."
"I dunno, I feel like I'm there." Grace says, very adult-enough, hands on his hips. He looks very happy, at least, and that's the point.
Simon shrugs. "As long as you're having fun–"
"Ooh ooh ooh, I wanna try something in the lab!" And Grace is beelining for the ladder.
"Not without adult supervision!" Simon calls, running right after him.
Grace just about cackles with glee, and Simon shakes his head, happy to play the straight man for his ridiculous best friend if that's all he wants out of this.
***
Rocky doesn't come looking for them until after Simon had realized:
"You know… I can't carry you." He muses. "But I think you could ride on my back."
Grace looks at him with stars in his eyes, and Simon can't even feel embarrassed for suggesting it. They've certainly never tried the reverse - Simon's not sure that Grace could carry him outside of an emergency situation - but they get to work figuring out the best way to get Grace up there.
They've just managed it when Rocky rolls into the room and immediately panics.
"Grace attack Simon, question?!" He chirps in horror.
Grace is currently clinging his arms loosely around Simon's front, and is squeezing his legs around Simon's waist in order to hang on like a koala, since Simon can only use one arm to grab onto him and hold him up. It makes for a lot of pressure against Simon, but it doesn't hurt.
Grace had almost seemed like he might be really getting into a new headspace, too, speaking a little less, making more non-verbal noises of delight. But as soon as Rocky interrupts, it's adult Grace who pipes up first. "No no no, it's okay! We're playing."
"Yeah, I'm okay, Rocky." Simon assures.
Rocky's relief gives way to busy intrigue quickly. "...Simon Grace play what new game, question?"
"Uh." Grace wriggles on Simon's back, enough that with a grunt Simon releases him. Grace stumbles a little as he lands. "Just…trying out…" His hands wander onto his hips and he shrugs.
Simon would tease him about being shy, after weeks of the two of them babying him, except for some reason he's also too embarrassed to speak up first.
It's all up to Rocky. "...If Grace trying to be pebble Grace, Grace need more practice."
"Hey!" Grace protests. He goes a little pink.
"Told you." Simon can't resist. "You're not there yet."
"Heeeey!" Grace whines.
Seriously, even if Grace can't let go enough to get into the kind of feeling that Simon gets when he regresses…how did none of them notice that Grace was halfway there already? Simon smiles fondly, and looks away to try to hide it.
***
They stop after that, but it's amicable. Grace seems done, and they part to get back to what they were doing before. Grace seems in a good mood the rest of the day, but he doesn't bring it up so Simon doesn't either.
Until a week later, after Grace and Rocky have taken care of a regressed Simon again.
"Hey, uh." Grace is staring down at the lab bench, rolling a pipette around in his gloved hands. "You busy later?"
Simon raises an eyebrow, barely looking up from the heat lamp he's been fussing with. He's working on improving the green house on the ship. "We have fourteen months of travel left. I can be 'busy' or 'free' basically on any schedule."
"So that's a 'no', cool." Grace pushes, unperturbed. He is definitely not actually doing anything with the pipette he keeps staring at. "Soooooo you'd be free to try that again?"
"Huh?" Simon finally looks at him, really looks at him, and that's when realization hits. "Oh! Uh. Yeah. I can be free later."
Grace fist pumps the air with a whoop!
***
It starts off as more of the same, which is still very okay with Simon. He chases Grace around the dormitory, he's bullied into playing with the model toy ships with him, and then they rip up an EVA manual and grab every color of pen aboard the Hail Mary so they can scribble out some drawings.
Grace is convincingly childish with his drawings. Simon…can't say he's much better, though, after a lifetime of having very little need or opportunity to just draw.
"So what'd you draw?" Simon prompts, holding out a hand. He just finished being told his fox picture 'looks like a dog with a puffy tail', which he can't even argue against.
"Uhh…" Grace sounds both adult and nervous as he covers the drawing with his hand. Ridiculous.
Simon rolls his eyes and reaches for the paper. Grace puts up only token resistance and then, blushing furiously, looks away.
Simon squints. He tilts the paper one way, then the other. When he realizes all at once what he's looking at, his mouth drops open.
He looks at Grace, but Grace is beet-red and still looking away from him. He's crossed his arms and hunched in over his lap. Simon looks back at the paper. He puts it down on the floor to free up his hand to drum his fingers against his thigh while he thinks. "Do we have one of these?" He asks.
Grace mumbles something into his crossed arms, which he is now shrinking down into.
"Gonna need you to repeat that–"
"I said Rocky made me one."
Simon is surprised and then jealous, for just a moment. That's probably normal, right? But it's followed so instantly by excitement that Grace does have one of these that he smiles. "Good. Glad you told him."
Grace whines and puts his palms against his face, and oh God, Simon can't get over how cute he is like this.
"Yeah, I'm grabbing that for you right now." He says, standing up. "Where'd you hide it?"
Grace points one finger at his cot without looking up.
***
Simon has never given much thought to wanting kids. Abstractly, he supposes he might want them, someday. He likes the idea of protecting and caring for someone else.
Right now, all of those nascent instincts are going strong as he looks adoringly down at Grace.
Simon is sitting on their conjoined mattresses, his back against the wall for support. He has Grace in his lap - literally. They've figured out a way to get Grace in between Simon's legs in a way that isn't resulting in anyone's limbs going numb, and doesn't require two arms to keep Grace in place, but still keeps Grace's back supported. Simon has his arm wrapped fully around Grace, and Grace is leaning his right cheek against his bicep, cooing in satisfaction.
Grace is also suckling quietly on a pacifier. Just like the one in the self portrait he'd doodled earlier to show Simon what he wanted to try.
"This makes sense." Simon comments softly. Grace makes an inquisitive noise and looks up, but he doesn't take the pacifier out to speak. He hasn't removed it since it first went in, about thirty minutes ago now. It's the longest Simon's ever seen Grace be silent outside of when he gets lost in work - and even then, he's usually narrating his thoughts aloud. This is a different side of Grace, truly. "You're always chewing on candy or the caps of your pens."
Grace's eyes squint with his smile, and he shoves his cheek harder against Simon's arm. He rests more deeply into place with a big, heavy sigh.
The pacifier's hard parts are made of xenonite, and then the teat of it is a softer silicone. Simon thinks it's nice that Rocky wanted to make that for him. It's still strange sometimes, being in such a wonderful place as the Hail Mary. These two are so unendingly kind, but also real; flawed and irritating and sweet and constantly in this fascinating cycle of change. Simon would never have guessed he'd have or even want this, when he first came aboard.
He squeezes Grace a little closer. Grace's eyes have been on the laptop in front of them this whole time, watching the movie he picked out, but now Simon sees that he's looking back up at him.
"Hey." He says. He means for it to sound casual, but real, heavy affection softens his tone too much for that. Grace smiles at him again, making no effort to speak or respond in any real way except joy. Simon wonders if he's actually in the headspace he gets into, but he also finally realizes it might not matter. It's clearly giving Grace something he needs either way.
"Hey buddy." Simon repeats, indulgently. He feels his own cheeks heat up a bit, but Grace makes the cutest happy noise and scoots back impossibly closer, and Simon can't be embarrassed for long. "You're cute like this, you know that?"
Grace whines and shoves a hand in Simon's face, harmless and playful. Simon laughs.