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#InternationalRozanovDay

Summary:

Cliff Marleau ✅ @bostonsmarleau
Happy birthday to the sexiest, finest, most scrumptious man I’ve ever met. I miss him and his fat ass every day. Sometimes I can still hear his voice.

💬 29.3K 🔄 248.6K ❤️ 530.3K

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81
marly i’m not fucking dead

Shane Hollander ✅ @shanehollander24
STOP CALLING MY HUSBAND’S ASS FAT

Or: Twitter celebrates Ilya’s birthday!

Notes:

okay i’m a bit late but i honestly didn’t plan to write an ilya bday fic until i watched this edit and had such a visceral, out-of-body reaction that i thought: hm. what if this edit was posted in the hr-verse. how would shane react. and then somehow it just spiralled into this entire fic?

++ just to avoid confusion, this fic has hollanov’s names hyphenated (because that’s something i think they’d do after marriage) but their social media accs remain as their own last names :)

and yes, in the year 2026, the ottawa centaurs are three-time stanley cup winners idk how unrealistic that is but this fic has it so. enjoy!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Ottawa Centaurs ✅ @ottawacentaursofficial

Happy 35th birthday to our wonderful, talented, and extremely hardworking captain, Ilya Hollander-Rozanov! From being the first overall draft pick, to four-time Stanley Cup champion, MVP, and NHL all-star, to the best leader the Ottawa Centaurs could have asked for, your impact on this team is impossible to measure. Here’s to another year of greatness, Cap 🏑❤️

[Photo description: The first is of Ilya on the ice during a game, captured mid-skate. The image is slightly blurred from motion except for his face, where a confident grin is visible beneath his visor. The next is of a shirtless Ilya after practice, sweat glistening on his skin as he looks over his shoulder and winks toward the camera. Hockey equipment and teammates can be seen out of focus in the background. The third is of Ilya standing casually in the locker room. His grey, skin-tight compression shirt is pushed up beneath his arms, revealing his frankly massive chest and toned stomach. He’s sticking his tongue out playfully. The last photo is of Ilya celebrating the Ottawa Centaurs’ Stanley Cup victory the year prior. Shane Hollander kisses his cheek as several Centaur players run toward them in celebration.]

💬 629.8K 🔄 1.6M ❤️ 3.4M

centaurs enthusiast @pucktherapy

HAPPY ROZANOV DAYYYY

hollanov <3 @puckpropaganda

happy birthday to the baddest bitch in the nhl i know that’s right!!!

ilya’s first fan @81puck

happy birthday to ilya yay!! but also these pics are so fucking sexy did anyone else just pop a boner

maddy | centaurs lover @lucapilled

Replying to @81puck LIKE MY GIRL DICK IS HARDDD harris is a menace for choosing these

Harris @harrisdrover17

Replying to @lucapilled Ilya deserves the best <3

Ryan Price @ryanpr1ce

Happiest birthday, Roz! 

Cliff Marleau ✅ @bostonsmarleau

Happy bday, Rozy! Looking finger-licking ass-shattering levels of sexy as always, I miss you bro 🥵

Shane Hollander ✅ @shanehollander24

Replying to @marleauofficial ?

 


 

3X STANLEY CUP CHAMPIONS!!

Hayes

Happy birthday, Cap!!

Boodram

Happy bday from me, Cassie, and Milo! 🎉 Hope you have a great one, Roz

Barrett

Happiest birthday, Ilya!

Dykstra

Happy bday Roz! Caitlin says happy birthday too

Haas

happy birthday captainn !! we all hope you have the best day ever

LaPointe

HAPPY BDAY CAP #OurShiningRozDay #35YearsWithIlya #InternationalRozanovDay

Boodram

Do I even want to ask what those hashtags mean

Young

luca’s been getting him into kpop. it’s a whole thing. it’s better not to ask

happiest birthday, captain!! 🎉

Holmberg

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAP WE LOVE YOUU

Me

yes yes thank you very much i love you all too

don’t forget birthday dinner at our place later. 7pm. don’t be late or shane will get antsy

now if you’ll excuse me, shane is in the middle of giving me the best 35 orgasms of my life

Barrett

??????

We’ll be there Roz but also

Thirty-five??

Like, what, in a row????

Boodram

He’s obviously joking… right guys…

No dick, not even Roz’s, can handle THIRTY-FIVE ORGASMS

Dykstra

Yeah but this is Rozanov and Hollander we’re talking about

Hayes

Sometimes Roz says something and I regret ever starting anything in this chat

[11 people reacted with: 👍]

 


 

ilya’s first fan @81puck

happy birthday to THEE bisexual russian terminator. hope you’re having the best birthday sex wherever you are

[Video description: A 38-second edit of Ilya to Birthday Sex by Jeremih. The edit opens with a clip of him changing in the locker room, peeling off sweat-soaked gear sensually, followed by several shirtless post-practice interviews. The beat drops as the video cuts between slow-motion footage of him winking at the camera, dancing in crowded clubs, and throwing his head back in celebration after a win. Several shots linger and zoom in on his thighs, chest, neck, and hips. Every clip is color graded, slowed down, and timed perfectly to the music.]

💬 29.3K 🔄 329.6K ❤️ 630.3K

shaira ⭐️ @captaincore

oomf this is so fucking hot hello???

maddy | centaurs lover @lucapilled

OH I’M DROOLINGG

the b in lgbt @rozsleftbuttcheek

why is this edit fifty hours long oh my god

hayes enthusiast @kysmetros

guys i’m sorry i know he’s a married man BUT I WANNA SUCK THAT DICK SO FUCKING BAD #NeedThat

ilya HQ @shanebugg

Replying to @kysmetros no like if i wasn’t so horrified with the way dicks look you would have to surgically remove my mouth from ilya’s omg Who Said That

joshua fans international @17carat

wait involve me who is this fine ass man

maddy | centaurs lover @lucapilled

Replying to @17carat this is ilya rozanov! he’s a hockey player currently playing for the ottawa centaurs and he’s married to shane hollander, they’re both known to be the best hockey players of their time <3 it’s also ilya’s bday so lots of edits of him are going around right now

2481 @ilyaDNI

till the bed breaks and my legs give out and my neighbours know his name. till the windows fog up and the blankets tear and his dick has melded its shape into my cervix. till my throat memorizes every single vein, till i black out unconscious, till fucking nct samples the sound of our combined moans. i need him vertically, horizontally, quadratic, exponential, logarithmic all day all night no lube no protection from the kitchen floor to the toilet sink to my mother’s own backyard

Shane Hollander ✅ @shanehollander24

Replying to @ilyaDNI Hey so delete this

 

ilya’s first fan @81puck

i take a nap for two hours and not only does my first ever edit blow up but fucking SHANE HOLLANDER IS IN MY MENTIONS?

💬 81 🔄 43 ❤️ 387

Shane Hollander ✅ @shanehollander24

It’s a great edit! Ilya is very happy with it, he’s got it saved in his gallery 😊

ilya’s first fan @81puck

Replying to @shanehollander24 ilya fucking rozanov saw my edit oh my god what alternate universe have i stumbled upon????

 


 

Ilya ❤️

Me

Baby you’re going viral on Twitter

And Instagram, and TikTok, and literally every other social media platform ever

Ilya

ugh the woes of being so irresistibly sexy

have you seen this birthday edit yet?

https://twitter.com/mvpilya/status/2066827159558?s=69

Me

Yes.

And I’m not watching it again, I’m on my way to my parents’ to pick a few things up

Ilya

so naughty hollander

are you hard AGAIN?

Me

🙄

I’ll be back in 20 minutes

15 if I rush it

Stay where you are

Love you, baby

Ilya

love you too, sweetheart

don’t forget the cakes!

Me

Of course

I have something special planned with the second one

Ilya

oh?

Me

:)

can’t wait to eat <3

Ilya

?

of course we’ll be eating, it’s cake

unless…

shane what do you mean

shane

SHANE

Me

❤️

 


 

Cliff Marleau ✅ @bostonsmarleau

Happy birthday to the sexiest, finest, most scrumptious man I’ve ever met. I miss him and his fat ass every day. Sometimes I can still hear his voice.

[Photo description: The first photo is a blurry club selfie taken sometime in the early 2010s. Cliff and Ilya’s shoulders are pressed together as they grin at the camera. Ilya’s cheeks are noticeably flushed and his curls slightly messy, his smile bright despite the poor lighting. The second shows Cliff and Ilya posing with the Stanley Cup in 2014. A shirtless Ilya wraps one arm around the Cup, laughing as champagne sprays in the background. The last photo is a candid image of Ilya sitting on a couch in his old Boston apartment. He’s holding a McGriddle in one hand while absentmindedly wiping the corner of his mouth with his thumb. Again, he’s shirtless.]

💬 29.3K 🔄 248.6K ❤️ 530.3K

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81

marly i’m not fucking dead

Shane Hollander ✅ @shanehollander24

STOP CALLING MY HUSBAND’S ASS FAT

centaurs third win!! @wyattmeal

oh my god does this man ever wear a shirt

⛸️ @mvpilya

Replying to @wyattmeal with a body like that ilya should just never wear a shirt again #FreeTheTitties #LetIlyaGoShirtlessWednesday

centaurs third win!! @wyattmeal

Replying to @mvpilya you know what you’re so right

 

Svetlana Vetrova @svetrova

Happy 35th birthday, Ilya. I love you, always. 💌

[Photo description: The first photo is a faded photograph taken at an ice rink in Russia. Five-year-old Ilya is bundled in an oversized coat and wool hat, clutching a hockey stick almost as tall as he is. His cheeks are flushed red from the cold and he’s grinning at the camera. The second is a candid photo of a pre-pubescent Ilya asleep on a couch, hockey gear scattered around him and his mouth hanging open slightly. The third features a rookie-era Ilya in his old Boston apartment. Wearing nothing but boxers, his Raiders jersey, and sunglasses, he’s sprawled across a bed, posing dramatically for the camera. The final photo shows Ilya during his and Shane’s wedding. Svetlana is smearing Ilya’s cheek with frosting, while Shane does the same to the other cheek. Ilya stands between them with an exasperated expression, but his eyes are bright.]

💬 31.8K 🔄 299.3K ❤️ 673.1K

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81

я тебя люблю 💗

shane’s left sock @shaneluvr

OH MY GOD BABY ILYA 😭😭😭😭😭😭

shaira ⭐️ @captaincore

stop he was such a cute fucking kid i’m gonna cry

centaurs enthusiast @pucktherapy

the rookie apartment photo is gutting me HE WAS JUST A BOY

Hockey Fan #92 @stickculture

Replying to @pucktherapy A boy who made grown men cry on live television…

centaurs enthusiast @pucktherapy

Replying to @stickculture that’s their problem not his

Troy Barrett ✅ @therealbarrett

I can’t believe this tiny little kid grew up to be voted as the most punchable player in the NHL

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81

Replying to @therealbarrett 😈

 


 

Svetlana Vetrova

Me

Hey, Svetlana

Could you send me a clear copy of the photos you posted earlier?

Svetlana

Of course

[sent four photos]

Me

Thank you so much

[Svetlana reacted with: ❤️ ]

God he’s adorable I love him

Svetlana

I know, Shane, I know

Thank you for loving him

Me

Trust me, that part came naturally

[Svetlana reacted with: ❤️ ]

 


 

NHL ✅ @NHL

Happy birthday to one of the greatest players of his generation, Ilya Rozanov! 🎉

[Video description: A ten-minute career retrospective of Ilya Rozanov set to cinematic orchestral music. The video opens with footage from his draft day, before transitioning into highlights across his NHL career: game-winning goals, assists, overtime winners, and several clips of him lifting the Stanley Cup throughout the years. Included are moments from post-game interviews, memorable on-ice fights, award ceremonies, charity events, training camps, and several professional photoshoots and modeling advertisements.]

shaira ⭐️ @captaincore

why is his underwear ad getting the same amount of screen time as his first stanley cup

or3 out now!! @hollanov247

ILYA ROZANOV MY GOATT

⛸️ @mvpilya

his fight with dallas kent in 6:31 remains his sexiest yet like omg… if i was shane i would have been bricked the FUCK up

ilya HQ @shanebugg

wait guys this is making me so emotional like ilya’s genuinely been through so much to get here ☹️ despite all the cruelty in his life he still remains so kind and hardworking and inspirational ugh ilya rozanov i wish you all the success and happiness there is in this world

Hockey Fan #92 @stickculture

Replying to @shanebugg He literally drop kicks Kent in 6:42 what do you mean kind

ilya HQ @shanebugg

Replying to @stickculture and?

ilya’s 1st fan @81puck

wow watching this has made me realize how long i’ve been a fan of ilya like this rozanov shit is for life

hollanov <3 @puckpropaganda

the wink he shoots to the cameras every time he scores a winning goal ugh i hate when men know they’re sexy

the b in lgbt @rozsleftbuttcheek

can we talk about the slow-mo manspread clip from the calvin klein campaign hdsjgdsh that is NOT a hockey highlight

NHL ✅ @NHL

Replying to @rozsleftbuttcheek We felt it was important to showcase all aspects of Mr. Rozanov’s career.

the b in lgbt @rozsleftbuttcheek

Replying to @NHL and we thank you for your service!

 


 

Scott Hunter

Hunter

Hey, Rozanov. Happy birthday

Me

thank you hunter

Hunter

What the fuck?

Me

?

Hunter

You’re not insulting me

Are you sick?

Me

no, i’m just thankful that you took time out of your busy schedule of being present at the fall of the roman empire to greet me a happy birthday

Hunter

There he is.

 


 

Hayden Pike

Pike

Hello, Shane’s worse half

Happy birthday

Me

hello jackie’s worse half

thank you

Pike

[sent two photos]

The kids made you a birthday card

I’ll give it to you when we come by your place later, if you want it

Me

oh my god that is the cutest thing i’ve ever seen

besides shane of course

are you fucking stupid pike of course i want it

thank you

Pike

You’re welcome (???)

 


 

Rose Landry

Rose Landry

Hi, Ilya, happy birthday!! 💛

I wish I could come to your party later :( We’ve got to hang out again once our schedules align!

Me

hello Rose Landry

thank you :)

Rose Landry

Are you ever gonna stop calling me by full name

Me

mmm i don’t think so

Rose Landry

Fine then Ilya Grigoryevich Hollander-Rozanov

Me

blegh yuck

sorry i have mixed feelings about my second name

my father :/

Rose Landry

Oh my god, I’m so sorry!

Just Ilya Hollander-Rozanov then

Me

much better

Rose Landry

Take care Ilya Hollander-Rozanov, I’ll message you again the next time I’m free <3

[You reacted with: ❤️ ]

 


 

The Hollander-Rozanov Family

Mom

Hi, boys. We’ll be at your place in an hour for Ilya’s birthday dinner

@Ilya I hope you’re enjoying your birthday so far, sweetie!

Ilya ❤️

one of the best birthdays so far

your son has been pampering me all day

but it’ll be better once you and david arrive 

Me

Suck-up

Ilya ❤️

i wasn’t the one doing the sucking today…

[Dad reacted with: 😂 ]

Me

ILYA

Mom

Okay so I’m gonna pretend I didn’t read that

Shane, honey, will you both be ready for dinner by then?

Me

Sorry, Mom

And yes, we will

We’re finishing up the last of the meals right now

@Dad Could you bring two extra bottles of vodka, please?

[Dad reacted with: 👍 ]

Most of the guests have confirmed that they’ll arrive on time, but Wyatt and Lisa will be a bit late since Lisa’s just finishing up her shift at the hospital.

Hunter will also be running a little late, he messaged me saying something came up

Ilya ❤️

i still can’t believe you invited scott hunter to my birthday party

:( my own husband

i don’t even think hunter’s “running late,” he’s probably being delivered via archaeological excavation

[Dad reacted with: 😂 ]

Mom

Ilya. Play nice

We’ll see you boys in around 54 minutes then!

 


 

Shane Hollander ✅ @shanehollander24

Happy birthday to my husband, soulmate, and all-time favourite person in this entire world.

Eighteen years ago, we met for the first time at a run-down parking lot in Saskatchewan. You were smoking near a no-smoking sign, and I thought you were the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.

Eighteen years later, and I've seen you with championship trophies, black eyes, broken noses, bedhead, birthday cake on your face, and hospital wristbands. I've seen you at your highest and your lowest, on the best days of your life and the days when getting out of bed felt impossible.

And somehow, every version of you has only made me love you more. Eighteen years later, and you’re still the most beautiful person I’ve ever known.

I've had the honor of spending nearly half my life with you. You were the only person who met me at the top, who challenged me in ways that are both annoying and infuriatingly attractive, who matched me stride for stride in everything that mattered. For years, we pushed each other higher and higher, until one day, I looked around and realized we were standing at the top together. Now, all these years later, I still get to look over and see you right there beside me. Isn’t that such a privilege?

I love you, Ilya Hollander-Rozanov. I love your eyes, your smile, and every mole scattered across your skin. I love your confidence, your kindness, and the way you give so much of yourself to the people you love. I love you when you're laughing, when you're exhausted, when the days feel light, and when they don't. I love every version of you I've ever been lucky enough to know.

Thank you for sharing your life with me. I would choose you again in every version of this story.

Happy birthday, baby. ❤️

[Photo description: Ilya sits at the center of a long dining table with a birthday cake lit in front of him. He appears to have been caught mid-laugh. Standing directly behind him are Yuna and David Hollander, both smiling toward the camera. Shane is seated at Ilya's right with one hand settled on the back of his chair, while Svetlana sits on his left, leaning slightly toward him. Around them are members of the Ottawa Centaurs, Harris Drover, Cliff Marleau, Scott Hunter and Kip Grady, Hayden Pike, and JJ Boiziau. Some are looking at the camera, others appear to be laughing at something that happened just before the photo was taken. The table is crowded with half-finished food, drinks, wrapping paper, and birthday decorations.]

💬 2.6M 🔄 3.7M ❤️ 5.2M

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81

I love you so, so much, sweetheart. You’ll always be the best thing that’s ever happened to me ❤️

maddy | centaurs lover @lucapilled

i just fell to my knees in the grocery store

hollanov <3 @puckpropaganda

eighteen years you guys… eighteen fucking years of them constantly choosing each other omg i need a moment

Wyatt Hayes :) ✅ @realhayes

Oh my god. Hollzy. Stop you’ll make all of us cry

shane’s lesbian fans @hollanovrights

fuck my fucking hollanov-pilled life ME AND WHOOOO

Rose Landry ✅ @rosylandry

The only couple EVER! I miss you both so much, happy birthday again, Ilya!!

ilya HQ @shanebugg

remember when i spent this morning thirsting over rozy’s dick now i’m just full-on sobbing like there are actual hot jets of water just pooling out of my eyes

Shane Hollander ✅ @shanehollander24

Replying to @shanebugg Retweet. Did I say that right?

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81

Replying to @shanehollanderhockeyplayer You’re perfect I love you

Yuna Hollander @yunahollander

We love you boys so much. Happy birthday again, Ilya!

 

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81

Thank you all for the birthday wishes. Once upon a time, I never thought I would be so loved by this many people. But today was spent with the family I chose, the friends I’ve made, and a husband who continues to make my life better in more ways than I know how to explain. Cake was eaten and so was my ass. Life has never been better.

Мама, посмотри. Меня так любят.

(Translation: Mama, look. I am so loved.)

💬 2.4M 🔄 3.9M ❤️ 5.6M

Shane Hollander ✅ @shanehollander24

I love you forever, baby. But maybe refrain from sharing any hints of our sex life with the public, please?

Harris @harrisdrover17

I’m not sure if I should cry from how sweet this was or mourn your media training. Only you, Ilya.

Svetlana Vetrova @svetrova

❤️

Notes:

this fic is a result of nonstop writing for the last three hours. happy belated birthday once again to the character of all time ilya rozanov <3

kudos and comments are always appreciated!