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Ottawa Centaurs ✅ @ottawacentaursofficial
Happy 35th birthday to our wonderful, talented, and extremely hardworking captain, Ilya Hollander-Rozanov! From being the first overall draft pick, to four-time Stanley Cup champion, MVP, and NHL all-star, to the best leader the Ottawa Centaurs could have asked for, your impact on this team is impossible to measure. Here’s to another year of greatness, Cap 🏑❤️
[Photo description: The first is of Ilya on the ice during a game, captured mid-skate. The image is slightly blurred from motion except for his face, where a confident grin is visible beneath his visor. The next is of a shirtless Ilya after practice, sweat glistening on his skin as he looks over his shoulder and winks toward the camera. Hockey equipment and teammates can be seen out of focus in the background. The third is of Ilya standing casually in the locker room. His grey, skin-tight compression shirt is pushed up beneath his arms, revealing his frankly massive chest and toned stomach. He’s sticking his tongue out playfully. The last photo is of Ilya celebrating the Ottawa Centaurs’ Stanley Cup victory the year prior. Shane Hollander kisses his cheek as several Centaur players run toward them in celebration.]
💬 629.8K 🔄 1.6M ❤️ 3.4M
centaurs enthusiast @pucktherapy
HAPPY ROZANOV DAYYYY
hollanov <3 @puckpropaganda
happy birthday to the baddest bitch in the nhl i know that’s right!!!
ilya’s first fan @81puck
happy birthday to ilya yay!! but also these pics are so fucking sexy did anyone else just pop a boner
maddy | centaurs lover @lucapilled
Replying to @81puck LIKE MY GIRL DICK IS HARDDD harris is a menace for choosing these
Harris @harrisdrover17
Replying to @lucapilled Ilya deserves the best <3
Ryan Price @ryanpr1ce
Happiest birthday, Roz!
Cliff Marleau ✅ @bostonsmarleau
Happy bday, Rozy! Looking finger-licking ass-shattering levels of sexy as always, I miss you bro 🥵
Shane Hollander ✅ @shanehollander24
Replying to @marleauofficial ?
3X STANLEY CUP CHAMPIONS!!
Hayes
Happy birthday, Cap!!
Boodram
Happy bday from me, Cassie, and Milo! 🎉 Hope you have a great one, Roz
Barrett
Happiest birthday, Ilya!
Dykstra
Happy bday Roz! Caitlin says happy birthday too
Haas
happy birthday captainn !! we all hope you have the best day ever
LaPointe
HAPPY BDAY CAP #OurShiningRozDay #35YearsWithIlya #InternationalRozanovDay
Boodram
Do I even want to ask what those hashtags mean
Young
luca’s been getting him into kpop. it’s a whole thing. it’s better not to ask
happiest birthday, captain!! 🎉
Holmberg
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAP WE LOVE YOUU
Me
yes yes thank you very much i love you all too
don’t forget birthday dinner at our place later. 7pm. don’t be late or shane will get antsy
now if you’ll excuse me, shane is in the middle of giving me the best 35 orgasms of my life
Barrett
??????
We’ll be there Roz but also
Thirty-five??
Like, what, in a row????
Boodram
He’s obviously joking… right guys…
No dick, not even Roz’s, can handle THIRTY-FIVE ORGASMS
Dykstra
Yeah but this is Rozanov and Hollander we’re talking about
Hayes
Sometimes Roz says something and I regret ever starting anything in this chat
[11 people reacted with: 👍]
ilya’s first fan @81puck
happy birthday to THEE bisexual russian terminator. hope you’re having the best birthday sex wherever you are
[Video description: A 38-second edit of Ilya to Birthday Sex by Jeremih. The edit opens with a clip of him changing in the locker room, peeling off sweat-soaked gear sensually, followed by several shirtless post-practice interviews. The beat drops as the video cuts between slow-motion footage of him winking at the camera, dancing in crowded clubs, and throwing his head back in celebration after a win. Several shots linger and zoom in on his thighs, chest, neck, and hips. Every clip is color graded, slowed down, and timed perfectly to the music.]
💬 29.3K 🔄 329.6K ❤️ 630.3K
shaira ⭐️ @captaincore
oomf this is so fucking hot hello???
maddy | centaurs lover @lucapilled
OH I’M DROOLINGG
the b in lgbt @rozsleftbuttcheek
why is this edit fifty hours long oh my god
hayes enthusiast @kysmetros
guys i’m sorry i know he’s a married man BUT I WANNA SUCK THAT DICK SO FUCKING BAD #NeedThat
ilya HQ @shanebugg
Replying to @kysmetros no like if i wasn’t so horrified with the way dicks look you would have to surgically remove my mouth from ilya’s omg Who Said That
joshua fans international @17carat
wait involve me who is this fine ass man
maddy | centaurs lover @lucapilled
Replying to @17carat this is ilya rozanov! he’s a hockey player currently playing for the ottawa centaurs and he’s married to shane hollander, they’re both known to be the best hockey players of their time <3 it’s also ilya’s bday so lots of edits of him are going around right now
2481 @ilyaDNI
till the bed breaks and my legs give out and my neighbours know his name. till the windows fog up and the blankets tear and his dick has melded its shape into my cervix. till my throat memorizes every single vein, till i black out unconscious, till fucking nct samples the sound of our combined moans. i need him vertically, horizontally, quadratic, exponential, logarithmic all day all night no lube no protection from the kitchen floor to the toilet sink to my mother’s own backyard
Shane Hollander ✅ @shanehollander24
Replying to @ilyaDNI Hey so delete this
ilya’s first fan @81puck
i take a nap for two hours and not only does my first ever edit blow up but fucking SHANE HOLLANDER IS IN MY MENTIONS?
💬 81 🔄 43 ❤️ 387
Shane Hollander ✅ @shanehollander24
It’s a great edit! Ilya is very happy with it, he’s got it saved in his gallery 😊
ilya’s first fan @81puck
Replying to @shanehollander24 ilya fucking rozanov saw my edit oh my god what alternate universe have i stumbled upon????
Ilya ❤️
Me
Baby you’re going viral on Twitter
And Instagram, and TikTok, and literally every other social media platform ever
Ilya
ugh the woes of being so irresistibly sexy
have you seen this birthday edit yet?
https://twitter.com/mvpilya/status/2066827159558?s=69
Me
Yes.
And I’m not watching it again, I’m on my way to my parents’ to pick a few things up
Ilya
so naughty hollander
are you hard AGAIN?
Me
🙄
I’ll be back in 20 minutes
15 if I rush it
Stay where you are
Love you, baby
Ilya
love you too, sweetheart
don’t forget the cakes!
Me
Of course
I have something special planned with the second one
Ilya
oh?
Me
:)
can’t wait to eat <3
Ilya
?
of course we’ll be eating, it’s cake
unless…
shane what do you mean
shane
SHANE
Me
❤️
Cliff Marleau ✅ @bostonsmarleau
Happy birthday to the sexiest, finest, most scrumptious man I’ve ever met. I miss him and his fat ass every day. Sometimes I can still hear his voice.
[Photo description: The first photo is a blurry club selfie taken sometime in the early 2010s. Cliff and Ilya’s shoulders are pressed together as they grin at the camera. Ilya’s cheeks are noticeably flushed and his curls slightly messy, his smile bright despite the poor lighting. The second shows Cliff and Ilya posing with the Stanley Cup in 2014. A shirtless Ilya wraps one arm around the Cup, laughing as champagne sprays in the background. The last photo is a candid image of Ilya sitting on a couch in his old Boston apartment. He’s holding a McGriddle in one hand while absentmindedly wiping the corner of his mouth with his thumb. Again, he’s shirtless.]
💬 29.3K 🔄 248.6K ❤️ 530.3K
Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81
marly i’m not fucking dead
Shane Hollander ✅ @shanehollander24
STOP CALLING MY HUSBAND’S ASS FAT
centaurs third win!! @wyattmeal
oh my god does this man ever wear a shirt
⛸️ @mvpilya
Replying to @wyattmeal with a body like that ilya should just never wear a shirt again #FreeTheTitties #LetIlyaGoShirtlessWednesday
centaurs third win!! @wyattmeal
Replying to @mvpilya you know what you’re so right
Svetlana Vetrova @svetrova
Happy 35th birthday, Ilya. I love you, always. 💌
[Photo description: The first photo is a faded photograph taken at an ice rink in Russia. Five-year-old Ilya is bundled in an oversized coat and wool hat, clutching a hockey stick almost as tall as he is. His cheeks are flushed red from the cold and he’s grinning at the camera. The second is a candid photo of a pre-pubescent Ilya asleep on a couch, hockey gear scattered around him and his mouth hanging open slightly. The third features a rookie-era Ilya in his old Boston apartment. Wearing nothing but boxers, his Raiders jersey, and sunglasses, he’s sprawled across a bed, posing dramatically for the camera. The final photo shows Ilya during his and Shane’s wedding. Svetlana is smearing Ilya’s cheek with frosting, while Shane does the same to the other cheek. Ilya stands between them with an exasperated expression, but his eyes are bright.]
💬 31.8K 🔄 299.3K ❤️ 673.1K
Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81
я тебя люблю 💗
shane’s left sock @shaneluvr
OH MY GOD BABY ILYA 😭😭😭😭😭😭
shaira ⭐️ @captaincore
stop he was such a cute fucking kid i’m gonna cry
centaurs enthusiast @pucktherapy
the rookie apartment photo is gutting me HE WAS JUST A BOY
Hockey Fan #92 @stickculture
Replying to @pucktherapy A boy who made grown men cry on live television…
centaurs enthusiast @pucktherapy
Replying to @stickculture that’s their problem not his
Troy Barrett ✅ @therealbarrett
I can’t believe this tiny little kid grew up to be voted as the most punchable player in the NHL
Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81
Replying to @therealbarrett 😈
Svetlana Vetrova
Me
Hey, Svetlana
Could you send me a clear copy of the photos you posted earlier?
Svetlana
Of course
[sent four photos]
Me
Thank you so much
[Svetlana reacted with: ❤️ ]
God he’s adorable I love him
Svetlana
I know, Shane, I know
Thank you for loving him
Me
Trust me, that part came naturally
[Svetlana reacted with: ❤️ ]
NHL ✅ @NHL
Happy birthday to one of the greatest players of his generation, Ilya Rozanov! 🎉
[Video description: A ten-minute career retrospective of Ilya Rozanov set to cinematic orchestral music. The video opens with footage from his draft day, before transitioning into highlights across his NHL career: game-winning goals, assists, overtime winners, and several clips of him lifting the Stanley Cup throughout the years. Included are moments from post-game interviews, memorable on-ice fights, award ceremonies, charity events, training camps, and several professional photoshoots and modeling advertisements.]
shaira ⭐️ @captaincore
why is his underwear ad getting the same amount of screen time as his first stanley cup
or3 out now!! @hollanov247
ILYA ROZANOV MY GOATT
⛸️ @mvpilya
his fight with dallas kent in 6:31 remains his sexiest yet like omg… if i was shane i would have been bricked the FUCK up
ilya HQ @shanebugg
wait guys this is making me so emotional like ilya’s genuinely been through so much to get here ☹️ despite all the cruelty in his life he still remains so kind and hardworking and inspirational ugh ilya rozanov i wish you all the success and happiness there is in this world
Hockey Fan #92 @stickculture
Replying to @shanebugg He literally drop kicks Kent in 6:42 what do you mean kind
ilya HQ @shanebugg
Replying to @stickculture and?
ilya’s 1st fan @81puck
wow watching this has made me realize how long i’ve been a fan of ilya like this rozanov shit is for life
hollanov <3 @puckpropaganda
the wink he shoots to the cameras every time he scores a winning goal ugh i hate when men know they’re sexy
the b in lgbt @rozsleftbuttcheek
can we talk about the slow-mo manspread clip from the calvin klein campaign hdsjgdsh that is NOT a hockey highlight
NHL ✅ @NHL
Replying to @rozsleftbuttcheek We felt it was important to showcase all aspects of Mr. Rozanov’s career.
the b in lgbt @rozsleftbuttcheek
Replying to @NHL and we thank you for your service!
Scott Hunter
Hunter
Hey, Rozanov. Happy birthday
Me
thank you hunter
Hunter
…
What the fuck?
Me
?
Hunter
You’re not insulting me
Are you sick?
Me
no, i’m just thankful that you took time out of your busy schedule of being present at the fall of the roman empire to greet me a happy birthday
Hunter
There he is.
Hayden Pike
Pike
Hello, Shane’s worse half
Happy birthday
Me
hello jackie’s worse half
thank you
Pike
[sent two photos]
The kids made you a birthday card
I’ll give it to you when we come by your place later, if you want it
Me
oh my god that is the cutest thing i’ve ever seen
besides shane of course
are you fucking stupid pike of course i want it
thank you
Pike
You’re welcome (???)
Rose Landry
Rose Landry
Hi, Ilya, happy birthday!! 💛
I wish I could come to your party later :( We’ve got to hang out again once our schedules align!
Me
hello Rose Landry
thank you :)
Rose Landry
Are you ever gonna stop calling me by full name
Me
mmm i don’t think so
Rose Landry
Fine then Ilya Grigoryevich Hollander-Rozanov
Me
blegh yuck
sorry i have mixed feelings about my second name
my father :/
Rose Landry
Oh my god, I’m so sorry!
Just Ilya Hollander-Rozanov then
Me
much better
Rose Landry
Take care Ilya Hollander-Rozanov, I’ll message you again the next time I’m free <3
[You reacted with: ❤️ ]
The Hollander-Rozanov Family
Mom
Hi, boys. We’ll be at your place in an hour for Ilya’s birthday dinner
@Ilya I hope you’re enjoying your birthday so far, sweetie!
Ilya ❤️
one of the best birthdays so far
your son has been pampering me all day
but it’ll be better once you and david arrive
Me
Suck-up
Ilya ❤️
i wasn’t the one doing the sucking today…
[Dad reacted with: 😂 ]
Me
ILYA
Mom
Okay so I’m gonna pretend I didn’t read that
Shane, honey, will you both be ready for dinner by then?
Me
Sorry, Mom
And yes, we will
We’re finishing up the last of the meals right now
@Dad Could you bring two extra bottles of vodka, please?
[Dad reacted with: 👍 ]
Most of the guests have confirmed that they’ll arrive on time, but Wyatt and Lisa will be a bit late since Lisa’s just finishing up her shift at the hospital.
Hunter will also be running a little late, he messaged me saying something came up
Ilya ❤️
i still can’t believe you invited scott hunter to my birthday party
:( my own husband
i don’t even think hunter’s “running late,” he’s probably being delivered via archaeological excavation
[Dad reacted with: 😂 ]
Mom
Ilya. Play nice
We’ll see you boys in around 54 minutes then!
Shane Hollander ✅ @shanehollander24
Happy birthday to my husband, soulmate, and all-time favourite person in this entire world.
Eighteen years ago, we met for the first time at a run-down parking lot in Saskatchewan. You were smoking near a no-smoking sign, and I thought you were the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.
Eighteen years later, and I've seen you with championship trophies, black eyes, broken noses, bedhead, birthday cake on your face, and hospital wristbands. I've seen you at your highest and your lowest, on the best days of your life and the days when getting out of bed felt impossible.
And somehow, every version of you has only made me love you more. Eighteen years later, and you’re still the most beautiful person I’ve ever known.
I've had the honor of spending nearly half my life with you. You were the only person who met me at the top, who challenged me in ways that are both annoying and infuriatingly attractive, who matched me stride for stride in everything that mattered. For years, we pushed each other higher and higher, until one day, I looked around and realized we were standing at the top together. Now, all these years later, I still get to look over and see you right there beside me. Isn’t that such a privilege?
I love you, Ilya Hollander-Rozanov. I love your eyes, your smile, and every mole scattered across your skin. I love your confidence, your kindness, and the way you give so much of yourself to the people you love. I love you when you're laughing, when you're exhausted, when the days feel light, and when they don't. I love every version of you I've ever been lucky enough to know.
Thank you for sharing your life with me. I would choose you again in every version of this story.
Happy birthday, baby. ❤️
[Photo description: Ilya sits at the center of a long dining table with a birthday cake lit in front of him. He appears to have been caught mid-laugh. Standing directly behind him are Yuna and David Hollander, both smiling toward the camera. Shane is seated at Ilya's right with one hand settled on the back of his chair, while Svetlana sits on his left, leaning slightly toward him. Around them are members of the Ottawa Centaurs, Harris Drover, Cliff Marleau, Scott Hunter and Kip Grady, Hayden Pike, and JJ Boiziau. Some are looking at the camera, others appear to be laughing at something that happened just before the photo was taken. The table is crowded with half-finished food, drinks, wrapping paper, and birthday decorations.]
💬 2.6M 🔄 3.7M ❤️ 5.2M
Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81
I love you so, so much, sweetheart. You’ll always be the best thing that’s ever happened to me ❤️
maddy | centaurs lover @lucapilled
i just fell to my knees in the grocery store
hollanov <3 @puckpropaganda
eighteen years you guys… eighteen fucking years of them constantly choosing each other omg i need a moment
Wyatt Hayes :) ✅ @realhayes
Oh my god. Hollzy. Stop you’ll make all of us cry
shane’s lesbian fans @hollanovrights
fuck my fucking hollanov-pilled life ME AND WHOOOO
Rose Landry ✅ @rosylandry
The only couple EVER! I miss you both so much, happy birthday again, Ilya!!
ilya HQ @shanebugg
remember when i spent this morning thirsting over rozy’s dick now i’m just full-on sobbing like there are actual hot jets of water just pooling out of my eyes
Shane Hollander ✅ @shanehollander24
Replying to @shanebugg Retweet. Did I say that right?
Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81
Replying to @shanehollanderhockeyplayer You’re perfect I love you
Yuna Hollander @yunahollander
We love you boys so much. Happy birthday again, Ilya!
Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81
Thank you all for the birthday wishes. Once upon a time, I never thought I would be so loved by this many people. But today was spent with the family I chose, the friends I’ve made, and a husband who continues to make my life better in more ways than I know how to explain. Cake was eaten and so was my ass. Life has never been better.
Мама, посмотри. Меня так любят.
(Translation: Mama, look. I am so loved.)
💬 2.4M 🔄 3.9M ❤️ 5.6M
Shane Hollander ✅ @shanehollander24
I love you forever, baby. But maybe refrain from sharing any hints of our sex life with the public, please?
Harris @harrisdrover17
I’m not sure if I should cry from how sweet this was or mourn your media training. Only you, Ilya.
Svetlana Vetrova @svetrova
❤️
