Chapter Text
Fall was a welcome arrival in the city after record blazing heats, the inhabitants grateful for the declining temperatures and the slow fade of green to orange in the leaves. It had been an intense summer, not just because of the weather but because of the gang violence that had plagued the streets, claiming innocent lives and stretching first responders to their limits. None had felt the reality of that quite as harshly as the staff of Barden Medical Hospital’s Emergency Department, who had taken not only the brunt of the chaos and heartbreak, but had also suffered personally because of it. With two members of staff looking at long term stays in the ICU due to their injuries from an assault sustained just outside the ED doors, the department was temporarily closed while an investigation was underway, both internally and externally.
It had led to sweeping changes at Barden Med, some welcome, and some not, as personnel changes and new safety procedures were implemented, but by the time their doors opened up again, the staff felt far safer than they had before. The last two months had seen an easing of pressure on the ED’s resources and staff, and by the time September rolled around, with schools back in session and gang violence finally under control, things were running as normal again, the ED staff no longer burnt out and run ragged.
They were ready for whatever the city could throw at them once more.
As the sport’s bike revved through the city streets, its rider kept their hands tight on its handlebars, the sound of the engine cutting through the relatively peaceful early morning like a gunshot, sending an uncomfortable ripple of chaos through air that had only recently returned to calm. The bike took corners at speed, navigating each one with the showy precision of a Moto GP racer. As the rider approached the turn into Barden Med’s parking lot, the bike finally slowed, almost to a crawl as it lined up next to another bike in the lot, the engine cutting out and the kickstand engaged as the rider straddled it, pulling off their helmet.
She grinned as she looked up at the hospital in front of them, running a hand through her short, cropped hair, nodding slightly. New job. New city. A chance to reconnect with an old friend. Barden Med wasn’t looking too shabby, and the department chief had reassured her that all the chaos of the summer was now pretty much a thing of the past. Not that she would’ve minded a bit of chaos.
Once she had unmounted her bike, with her helmet swinging from her fingers, the motorcyclist headed straight for the hospital entrance. No sense in hanging around outside and admiring the architecture, right? She had lives to save and people to patch up.
It was certainly one of the biggest hospitals she’d ever worked in, the waiting room and reception before her spanning outwards in sterile blues and whites already seating a decent handful of patients and patient relatives, not in a way that suggested backlog but rather belied the busy nature of this particular hospital. It would definitely take some getting used to after the small backwater hospitals that she was accustomed to, but that was hardly a bad thing. She’d had to get used to a lot worse.
The new doctor made her way towards the reception desk, able to see a doctor and two nurses stood having a conversation, and a heated looking one at that. Well, she had to pick her up ID card, no getting onto the ward without it, so if she happened to eavesdrop while doing her job, what was the harm in that?
“Sorry ladies, that’s the way the cookie crumbles. Budget’s stretched to the max and we only need two senior nurses on shift, one of you has to go home.”
The doctor, a smug looking man with a patronising grin crossed his arms over his chest and shrugged, while one of the nurses– the one with dark, curly hair– scoffed loudly and rolled her eyes.
“You don’t dictate the nurses schedule, we do, the union does. You’ve got no power or authority to send either of us home Dr Allen.”
“Actually, I do Nurse Jones, as the Chief of Surgery–”
“Nope.” Ashley shook her head, “Sorry Bumper, even the Chief of Surgery doesn’t get to dictate to the nurses. You can’t cut our hours, you can’t send us home, and you sure as shit can’t fire us. So, we’re going to work. Got a problem? Take it up with our union rep.”
The new doctor bit her tongue to stifle the bark of laughter that wanted to come out when she heard the ridiculous nickname that belonged to her new boss. She’d only been here a few minutes, and the guy already seemed like a douche canoe, which wasn’t exactly a promising start to her new job, but then again, she wasn’t exactly working with him directly, so as long as she didn’t fuck up massively, she probably wouldn’t have to deal with Bumper at all.
“Sorry ladies, but this is still my purview, nurse or doc, and I’m not letting you both onto the ward.”
Bumper folded his arms tighter, shifting on his heels as he essentially body blocked the way into the ED. Ashley’s eyebrow raised so high it almost disappeared into her hairline, and even as Jessica’s hand rested on her arm to try and calm her now seething wife, she could feel her temper starting to boil over.
“You wanna go Bumper? Because I was an all-state wrestling champion in high school, I’ll kick your ass.”
“It’s okay.” Jessica quickly cut in, even as Bumper paled a little and took half a step back, “I’ll go home. And I’ll call Rita when I get there, she’ll set him straight really quickly, no need to go all John Cena for me baby.”
Ashley huffed, shaking her head as she let Jessica pull her back a little and into her arms, still glaring at Bumper as her wife kissed her cheek, “Make sure you tell her he physically blocked the way in to stop you working. Dickswab.”
With the argument now somewhat resolved (and after seeing a grown man nearly wet himself when confronted by a woman very much in the right), the new doctor decided to head into the ED with her ID in hand. The department head had told her to make sure she had it ready on her way through the doors, a new security policy after the summer violence, and it was a good job she did, as the new doctor was almost immediately stopped by a tall and muscular blonde man holding out his hand.
“Staff ID please ma’am, or you’ll have to go back and wait in reception until your name is called.”
“Here you go, hot off the press.”
The security guard took the hospital ID and looked it over, then looked her over, then repeated it again. It made her feel a little overly scrutinised, but after the tales she’d heard about what had gone down two months ago, she’d swallow whatever uncomfortableness that she felt. She could hardly blame them after all.
“Sorry, new faces make us a little jumpy around here.” The security guard grinned sheepishly handed the ID back, “I’m Luke, let me know if you need anything.”
“Don’t sweat it dude.” She grinned, pocketing her ID, “I got the lo down before I got here, I get it.”
Luke made a sweeping dramatic gesture into the ED, making her laugh as she patted his shoulder and headed further onto the ward. It was huge compared to the emergency room in the rural hospital she’d worked in down in Texas, ten treatment rooms with their own individual sliding doors around the large nurse’s station in the centre, screens displaying room occupancy, status, and assigned staff member, all brightly lit and modern with clear paths marked leading to the two trauma rooms at the back of the ED and the corridor to the right that led to the OR.
She couldn’t help but be impressed as she shifted her rucksack further up her shoulder, grinning as she took it all in. Oh yeah. This would do nicely.
She couldn’t wait to get stuck in, but first thing was first: she had to get changed.
Making her way towards the nurse’s station, she beelined for a dark-haired young woman in a lab coat currently filling in a chart. She looked like she probably knew where the locker room would be.
“Yo, do you know where I can find somewhere to change?”
“Hi!” The young doctor beamed, setting her pen down, “You’ve got to be the ortho trauma doc, right? I’m Emily, Emily Junk.”
Emily reached out her hand, the new doctor happily shaking it, loving the infectiously positive attitude that exuded from her.
“Bennet. Adelaide Bennet, it’s good to meet you, Emily.”
“You too!” Emily was clearly excited as she relinquished Dr Bennet’s hand, practically bouncing on the spot, “We haven’t had a new senior doctor since… um…”
She frowned, her hand waving vaguely and the beginnings of frustration starting to pull at her expression as she tried to find the words. Dr Bennet waited patiently, in no particular hurry and spotting the scar in Emily’s hairline (not particularly obvious to the average Joe on the street, but to an eagle-eyed surgeon it was definitely there).
“Beca!” Emily exclaimed, sighing a little as her grin turned bashful, shrugging, “Sorry, I got a TBI a couple of months ago, sometimes I just need a minute to remember my words now…”
“Don’t worry about it, kid.” Dr Bennet reassured her, “Seriously, you’re fine, my brain shorts out sometimes too. At least you have a good excuse, I’m just an idiot.”
Emily giggled, her grin returning to its original size, “I’m sure you’re not! Anyway, the locker room is back there, just head for Trauma One and take a left, you’ll need to swipe your card to unlock the door.”
The new doctor gave her a salute as she headed back, leaving Emily to return to her notes, but not for long as she spotted two familiar faces entering the ED, ecstatic to see them both.
“Stace!”
“Hey Little Junk,” Stacie, now visibly showing as she traded in her usual tight jeans for the maternity pants that she’d been reluctantly dragged to buy last weekend, quickly winding her arms around her friend and roommate as she all but lept over the Nurse’s Station to get to her, “Jeez how many coffee’s did you have this morning?”
“None!” Emily protested, embracing Stacie as best she could with the baby bump between them, “Can’t I be happy to see you without being caffeinated?”
“I guess…” Stacie drawled, still grinning even as Emily pouted a little, gently ruffling her hair, “How’s the head today? Any more migraines?”
“Nope!” Emily shook her head as she pulled back, “A couple of headaches since last week, but nothing close to that last migraine I had.”
“Good.” Stacie nodded, trying to subtly check Emily’s pupils as she cupped her cheek in her hand, but the younger doctor pulled away, rolling her eyes, “What? I’m just checking! You were in the ICU two weeks ago, I just want to make sure you’re doing okay!”
“I’m fine.” Emily insisted, “Really, do you think mom would have let me come anywhere near the ED if I wasn’t ready to come back?”
“I guess not.” Stacie grumbled good naturedly, “You gave me a good scare there, Little Junk, I’m glad you’re doing better, but I’m still going to worry about you.”
“I know.” Emily pulled her face a little, “I swear I’m fine though. Besides, today’s not about me, my first day back was yesterday, today…”
She beamed wider as she turned to the person that had accompanied Stacie in, wrapping them in an embrace before they even had a chance to protest.
“Is Aubrey’s first day back!”
Aubrey grumbled and winced a little as Emily’s arms tightened around her, “Watch my ribs Emily, they’re still a little tender.”
The chastisement was gentle and fond, making Emily giggle a little as she gently pulled back, “Sorry! I’m just really glad to see you!”
Aubrey’s face relaxed into a warm smile, nodding a little as her hand rubbed subconsciously at her ribs, “Well there wouldn’t be much of me to see if it hadn’t been for you. I owe you a lot, Emily, don’t think I don’t know that.”
Emily shrugged, looking away as her face coloured red. There was an awkward pause as she swallowed thickly, hands sinking deep into her pockets, the unspoken hanging between them: Emily didn’t want to talk about that day, hadn’t really spoken about it all in the weeks since she’d regained consciousness. Aubrey didn’t push her; it wasn’t exactly like she was eager to talk about it either. The physical and mental scars still lingered for them both, and while it might be comforting to know that if anyone understood what they went through it was each other, it also didn’t help that they were each other’s constant reminder of what was quite easily one of the worst days of either of their lives.
As Aubrey felt her mind beginning to linger and wander to the events of that awful day, she felt an arm slip gently around her waist; not enough to be obvious given her aversion to public displays of affection, but it was just what she needed. She turned her head to give Stacie a warm smile, leaning into her a little.
Things hadn’t been all bad during Aubrey’s recovery. In fact, pain and frustratingly slow progress aside, the last two months had actually been pretty great. It had been a lot of talking, planning, reassurances from both parties, but it had all been so, so worth it.
Stacie’s tongue was poking out of her mouth a little as she finished rearranging the flowers she’d picked out. They were plastic, no real ones in the ICU, people were sick enough here without introducing potential allergic reactions to the mix, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t still look nice. Aubrey was currently getting another CT scan after experiencing some pain in her back and abdomen (what was almost certain to be just a side effect of her injuries, but they wanted to be sure), so Stacie had taken the opportunity to make her hospital room look a little more homely. She’d enlisted Cynthia-Rose and Amy to do the actual heavy lifting and running back and forth but decided to set everything up on her own; if anyone was familiar with the intimacies of what Aubrey’s bedroom looked like and how she preferred her space to look, it was her.
With the plastic lilies and baby’s breath organised just right, Stacie stepped back to admire her handiwork. Aubrey’s favourite bedsheets (the deep emerald green ones with the white stag patterns on the duvet cover) were pulled tight and uniform; the patchwork blanket her dad had made himself for her first birthday draped carefully over the end; the vase angled just right next to a photo of her and her dad at the beach, and a pile of books ready for her to consume on bed rest. It was perfect, even if she said so herself, every item set with care and a knowledge of Aubrey and her proclivities that Stacie prided herself on.
“All clear, just like we thought.”
Stacie turned to grin at Jessica as she wheeled Aubrey back into her room. Her eyes flicked to Aubrey who hadn’t looked up from her lap since she’d been brought back. It wasn’t like she hadn’t noticed how down Aubrey had been lately, between her injuries and Gail’s truth bomb, her whole world upside down in the blink of an eye. Stacie hated seeing her like that, to have the wind literally and figuratively knocked out of her. It was a big part of the reason she’d wanted to fix up Aubrey’s room, to show her that things would be okay, that there were so many people that loved her even in the midst of all of this mess.
“I knew it would be. I’m glad we checked though. What do you think Bree? Will this do as a little slice of home until we can get you back to your own bed?”
Aubrey frowned a little as she finally looked up, her expression softening almost immediately as she the work that Stacie had put in. Jessica said nothing as she wheeled her further into the room, over to the side of the bed and waited until Aubrey was ready to try and get back into the bed again.
“You… you did all this for me?”
“Of course.” Stacie grinned as she looped her thumbs into the belt loops of her jeans, “I mean I got Amy and CR to do all the heavy lifting, I pulled the pregnant card, but I made sure to get it all set out properly, I know you like you space to be set out in a specific way.”
“Thank you.” Aubrey met her gaze with the first genuine smile Stacie had seen in a week from her (probably longer honestly given all the stress of the last few months), “It’s perfect, it really is.”
“Good.”
Stacie’s grin only grew bigger, watching carefully as Aubrey planted her hands on the armrests of the wheelchair, wincing heavily as she started to slowly push herself upwards. Jessica was there to help immediately, steadying Aubrey as she wobbled a little and guiding her at her own pace onto the edge of the bed. Her frustration was clear, all of them knew how much Aubrey loathed being helped to do anything, but Stacie was secretly very proud of how she was biting her tongue and letting them assist her no matter how she might feel about it.
“Do you need anything else Bree?” Jessica asked once she had Aubrey settled back into the bed properly, Stacie waved off by Aubrey twice in the process for obvious reasons.
“I’m good.” Aubrey shook her head slowly, “Any update on Emily?”
“No change yet.” Jessica shook her head sadly, tucking the last of Aubrey’s sheets around her, “John’s doing regular neuro checks, there’s not been any decline at least.”
Aubrey just sighed heavily in response, sinking into her pillows as she rubbed at her aching ribs. Jessica didn’t say anything more either; there was nothing to say really; simply squeezing Aubrey’s shoulder gently and leaving them both to talk. There was only one person that could get through to Aubrey right now, and that was Stacie.
“She’ll be okay.”
Stacie pulled her chair closer to the bed, resting her hand next to Aubrey’s but not taking it, looking at her with nothing but loving concern as she watched the little light that had been in Aubrey’s eyes when she saw her things start to dim again.
“Any daughter of Kat Junk isn’t going down without a hell of a fight.”
“I… I tried to get between them, they just swung so fast…”
“This isn’t your fault.” Stacie frowned, “You got the snot kicked out of you defending her, you almost died three times, it’s not like you just walked away.”
“I know.” Aubrey whispered, turning her head to look at Stacie, tears starting to run down her cheeks, “I just… everyone thinks I’m the leader, they all look at me like I’m supposed to know everything and I… I keep letting them down.”
“No, you don’t.” Stacie shook her head vigorously, leaning forward so Aubrey could clearly see the sincerity in her expression as well as hear them in her words. “You’re amazing Aubrey, you always have been. This isn’t you letting anyone down, this is you going down fighting defending the people you love. So don’t ever think that we think any less of you for this. If anything, we love you more for putting your life on the line like this. Even if I’m a little mad at you for almost dying on me and the peanut.”
Aubrey managed to laugh through her tears, wincing as it sent a sharp spike of pain through her broken ribs, “Sorry. I’ll remember that next time the Ukrainian mob take a hit out on me.”
“Good.” Stacie crossed one of her legs over the other, “Because she’s going to need you, Bree. We both are.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” Aubrey swallowed thickly, fingers wandering over the edge of the bed until they rested on Stacie’s growing bump, “A little near-death experience puts a lot of things in perspective.”
Stacie rested her hand gently over Aubrey’s, her other reaching out to gently brush Aubrey’s hair from her face.
“I know what you mean. But Bree, this… if we do this again, it can’t get messy like before. Not with a baby in the middle of everything, I can’t do that do to her.”
“Me neither.” Aubrey pursed her lips, “I won’t be like Gail, I won’t walk out on her, I promise. I couldn’t do that to a kid.”
“You don’t have to promise me that.” Stacie quickly interjected, “I know you Bree, that isn’t what I’m scared of. I don’t for a minute think you’d ever walk away from her, in any way. I just don’t want us to fall apart and make it weird for her, that’s all.”
“Then we talk to each other. That’s what we’ve never done, we don’t talk we just cram it all down until it explodes. That has to be the rule, as long as we communicate, there’s nothing we can’t deal with together.”
“You’re right.” Stacie leaned further forward, closing the distance between them, nothing the way Aubrey was fighting to keep her eyes open, “And we’ll talk Bree, for as long as we both need. But it can’t wait until you’ve rested, we’ve got plenty of time.”
She pressed a gentle kiss to Aubrey’s forehead as her friend nodded softly, already pretty much asleep with her hand rested on Stacie’s bump. It made Stacie smile, tears welling slightly in her eyes as she settled herself in the chair, picking up one of the books from Aubrey’s pile for herself, her other hand occupied with gently stroking her fingers through the soft blonde hair she loved to wake up to.
Stacie cocked her eyebrow just a little as Aubrey looked at her, relaxing as her girlfriend nodded softly. Sure, jumping into a relationship at the point they were already having a kid together wasn’t exactly conventional or easy, but it felt right. With anyone else, they both would have questioned their sanity, but with all their history it didn’t feel like jumping in at the deep end, simply just an almost natural next step.
“You guys are adorable.” Emily cooed, giggling as Stacie used her other hand to give her a playful shove.
“Yeah, yeah.” Stacie grunted, “We were expecting a welcoming brigade, red carpet and everything, where is everyone?”
“Threatened on pain of death, or y’know… scut for a month, if we made a big thing of Bree coming back because she’d hate it.” Emily pulled a little at the stethoscope around her neck, rocking on her heels, “I’m sure I can rally a red carpet on short notice though!”
“No.” Aubrey cut in before Stacie could answer, knowing that gleam in her eyes all too well, “This is exactly what I wanted, just to come back and do my job like nothing happened.”
“You got it Captain.” Emily nodded, “Briefing’s in the linen closet in ten!”
Aubrey and Stacie shared a quizzical look, but before they could press Emily for more information a Code Blue rang across the ED, the young doctor immediately jumping into action. Aubrey almost did herself, but she sighed as she caught herself, or more accurately the pain in her ribs caught her.
“You’ll be back to chasing gurneys in no time.” Stacie mumbled in her ear, resting her forehead against her temple, “I know you want to go right now.”
“I’m just sick of being in pain, y’know?” Aubrey grumbled, “What if it never really heals, and I get stuck doing charts and minors for the rest of my life?”
“Then we’ll cross that bridge.” Stacie shrugged a little, “But we’re not there right now. C’mon, let’s go see why we’re hiding in the laundry closet all of a sudden.”
“I knew she’d change things up, but this feels a little too different…”
Stacie just laughed, looping her arm through Aubrey’s as she gently steered her away from the action of the ED floor. She knew it would be taunting her, not being able to jump in and help, so it was time to focus on other things instead, namely this secret meeting in the linen closet of all places.
“You know Maverick. She’s never been the type to do things by the book.”
Beca sighed heavily as she lent back against the shelves behind her. The last two months had not been easy, running the ED single handedly through the beginning of Bumper’s reign of terror, which for weeks had consisted of nothing but meeting after meeting, interrogations from the Board who Beca couldn’t call assholes to their face, even as they tried to lay the blame for Aubrey and Emily’s conditions at their own feet. Hell, if she hadn’t have promised Aubrey to keep the place running, she’d have definitely punched one of those smug rich bastards in the face by now. Diplomacy was never her strong suit, and it was even less so with white men in thousand-dollar suits that had either been out of the OR for decades, or who had never even looked at a scalpel.
There was so much to do still, to rebuild the ED’s reputation, restore staff morale, and keep the damn place going despite Bumper’s continued attempts to sink them. At least Aubrey was back today…
A knock on the door pulled her from her thoughts, frowning a little. That was not the pre-arranged signal, which meant one of two things: either Bumper had found her hiding spot, or no-one had told Aubrey and Stacie about it. God how she hoped it was Bree and Stacie… she was running out of places to hide from that douchebag.
“Who is it?”
“Who do you think, numb nuts? Are you expecting the King of England or something?”
Beca snorted, her trademark smirk pulling at her lips as she heard Stacie’s voice through the door. She’d really missed having her around, maybe now she wouldn’t feel quite so alone at the helm.
“Just get your butts in here before His Dictatorship sees you.”
The door opened, revealing perhaps the two people she needed to see most right now, and she felt her body physically relax. Thank God they were back.
“Nice digs Maverick.” Stacie pulled her face a little as she looked at the linen closet, finding a spot to sit on top of a shrink-wrapped stack of bed linens, rubbing at her stomach, “Did you let something go off in your office again, so they had to have it fumigated?”
Aubrey’s eyebrows shot up as Beca quickly squeaked out her defence, “No! Don’t you think I’d much rather sit on that nice comfy sofa than a pile of scrub tops? This is about the only place I can hold meetings without King Bumper sticking his nose in and undermining everything I say. God forbid his lordship fetches clean linens.”
“I have no idea how that idiot even got the job.” Stacie grunted, shifting her heavily pregnant self up a little and patting the space next to her to make room for her girlfriend, “Seriously if they’re going to hire internally, there’s much more qualified candidates. John, Kat, Theo… hell I’d give Em the job before him and she’s only been a doctor for a few months!”
“Nepotism at its finest.” Aubrey winced a little as she sat down, trying to hide it, “When his father heads the board and has more shares than most in the hospital, his word is law around here. Even though he’s a banker, not a doctor.”
“I was thinking something else that rhymed with ‘banker’ if I’m honest.” Beca huffed, “If I listen to that wine-stained moron tell me one more time what’s best for the ED, I’m checking myself back into Psych.”
She grinned as Stacie and Aubrey laughed, shaking her head a little, “You sure I can’t talk you into taking this job back Posen? You’ve always been better at diplomacy than me.”
Aubrey’s laughter faded to a sad smile, rubbing the back of her neck, “I can’t Beca. I… I just can’t. I’ve been so burned out for so long, and then after everything with the mob, and Gail, and… I already felt like I was handed this job because of my dad, and now that I know Gail is my birth mother? It just doesn’t feel like my job anymore.”
“I can understand that.” Beca nodded sagely, “For the record, no-one that matters thinks that, all of us know you’re made for this job Bree. So, I’ll keep your seat warm, attend all these dumbass meetings and benefits and whatever, but the minute you want it back? You can have it.”
“Thanks, Beca.” Aubrey’s gratitude was genuine as she flashed her a grin, “You’re doing a great job.”
Beca snorted at this, hands wringing together, “I don’t know about that, it feels like there’s a new crisis every day, a new fire to put out. And our esteemed Chief of Surgery is the one lighting them.”
“That, unfortunately, is the job.” Aubrey shrugged, her expression sympathetic, “Although the Chief isn’t usually making it this hard. Is it just the ED he’s being so hard on?”
“Pretty much.” Beca’s lip curled, “He’s making staff cuts everywhere, he’s one wrong word away from triggering a nursing strike over it, but he’s got a real hard on for the ED, it’s like he’s trying to eradicate it completely.”
“Ew, that is an image I don’t need…” Stacie shuddered, “I do not need to imagine that man and his micro-boner.”
“He’s getting rid of this place over my dead body.” Aubrey huffed, “I might not be department chief anymore, but like hell am I going to lie down and let him run roughshod over us.”
Beca shook her head once more, grin getting a little watery at the edges, “I’ve really missed you two. You have no idea how glad I am to have you both back.”
“Aw, you’ve gotten all soft on us Becs.” Stacie cooed, slinging her arm around Beca’s neck from her spot on the wrapped linens and ruffling her hair, Beca groaning and untangling herself quickly, “We missed you too Maverick.”
“I take it back.” Beca tried to make her at least vaguely smooth again, throwing it up into a ponytail in the end to keep it out of her face, “I only missed Aubrey, you can start your maternity leave now for all I care.”
As Aubrey laughed and Stacie flipped her off, there was a repetitive knocking pattern at the door, Amy’s head appearing around the door.
“Yo, is there room for a hottie in this lez fest?”
The staff started to filter in, including Ashley with a face like thunder and the new Dr Bennet who slipped silently in at the back of the already assembled group. Beca looked around her, grateful for this group of weirdos after everything that happened in recent months and the unwavering support she’d had from them lately, on all fronts not just at work.
“Alright, first things first.” Beca shoved her hands in her pockets, rocking on her heels. She still very much hated being the focus of everyone’s attention like this, but it had gotten a little easier in the last few months, “I’m still fighting for our hybrid OR, but the Board’s stance is that we open up to the rest of the hospital for use. For now, though, it’s still ours and ours alone, so if you see anyone from upstairs coming down to use it without my go ahead, kick their asses to the curb.”
“Asshole.” Ashley spat, shaking her head furiously, “Y’know he sent Jess home, right? Literally body blocked us both from coming in here, since when does he get to dictate nursing schedules?!”
“He did what?” Beca frowned, cocking her head, expression incredulous, “Are you fucking kidding me? Since when did I not need all my senior nurses on any given day?”
Ashley scoffed, arms folded over her chest, “Well there’s two of us when Beale gets here, and apparently that’s more than enough.”
“Call her.” Beca stiffened slightly at the mention of Chloe’s name, “Call Jess and tell her if she wants to still work today, to come in. Bumper wants a head on a plate over it, he can have mine.”
That calmed Ashley a little as she grinned, managing a soft laugh, “Thanks B. But this actually works better in the long run, she’s on to our union rep right now so if she misses her shift entirely…”
“It’s a better case for the Board of Nursing.” Beca nodded in agreement, “I get it. I know if we get desperate, she’ll be in faster than you can say MAJAX.”
Ashley nodded in agreement, letting Amy pull her into a side hug and ruffle her hair affectionately.
“Speaking of our resident ass boil,” Beca rolled her eyes, “I did manage to get a new senior doc approved before he brought the hiring freeze down. All the way from Beaumont, Texas, our new ortho trauma doc, Adi Bennet.”
All eyes turned the way of the new doctor at the back, Dr Bennet giving them a little salute, “Howdy. You guys can call me Calamity; I got called it so often in the army I’m more likely to respond to that at this point.”
“Uh, Beca?” Amy stage whispered, “She doesn’t sound like she’s from Texas…”
Calamity laughed, “No, I’m from Melbourne originally, but I’ve lived in Texas since I was eight, not counting those ten years in the army.”
“I take it that’s how you know Beca then?” Stacie quirked her eyebrow, “She’s not the sort to rush admin paperwork for any old doc.”
“Yeah.” Calamity confirmed, “Trouble and I go way back to Basic Training. She’s a tough cookie.”
“Trouble?” Stacie snorted, “Things don’t change then, huh Maverick?”
Beca looked between Stacie and Calamity for a second, sighing dramatically, “I fucked up letting you two meet, didn’t I?”
“More than you know Mitchell.” Stacie’s eyes twinkled with mischief, “Way more than you know.”
“Great.” Beca pursed her lips, desperately trying to hide her grin and remain somewhat professional, “That’s great. Well, with Calamity here, plus Stace, Bree and Chloe all back today, we’re finally fully staffed again, so it’s all hands on deck. We’re waiting on a transfer for Trauma One to the ICU, there’s a few overnighters in Four and Seven, sleeping off a bender, so they can be discharged after another work up… other than that, business as usual.”
“So we’re really stuck with you then?” Amy pulled her face a little, incredulous as Beca shot her a death glare, “What?! Aubrey’s back, we’re all thinking it!”
“We are not.” Emily giggled, “Dr Mitchell’s doing a great job.”
“I never said she wasn’t!” Amy protested, “Just… Posen does it better.”
“I’m not taking the job back.” Aubrey shook her head with a chuckle, “At least not right now. I’m already working at half power thanks to the damn mob, I don’t need anything else on my plate right now.”
“Not with a baby on the way too.” Ashley wiggled her eyebrows, Aubrey blushing a little as Stacie rolled her eyes.
“Alright, yes, let’s get this over with…” She groaned, “Bree and I are dating, we’re having a baby together, it’s adorable, we’re adorable, everyone good now?”
“Not even a little.” Cynthia-Rose laughed, “We want all the gossip. Just, after shift. Mitchell might kill us if we spend all day in here rather than on the ward.”
“Too right.” Beca scoffed, “Go heal people you idiots, they’re not going to do it themselves. Aubrey, I need a quick word before you go.”
“Ooo, somebody’s in trouble!” Amy sang on her way out, Ashley having to all but shove her out of the door before she started another situation that would delay them further.
Beca was chuckling as they cleared out to start their shift, shaking her head a little. Even when this job was at its hardest and seemed like it was going to crush her under the weight of all this responsibility, there was always something that made her smile, thanks to the crazy little family she’d found when she moved here.
“I know, I know.” Aubrey sighed softly, “I’m not cleared for traumas yet, so nothing more dramatic than a runny nose.”
“It sucks.” Beca agreed, “Believe me, I’d kill to have you back at full duties Posen, especially when I seem to spend so much time trapped under paperwork. But I worked hard to piece you back together, after all that I’m not about to let you rush back and get yourself injured again.”
“Got it.” Aubrey smiled warmly, “No superhero antics, no pulling a Maverick.”
“I don’t think I like being an adjective…” Beca grumbled, but a smirk snuck onto her face even as she crossed her arms over her chest, “But good. Anything you need Aubrey, seriously, anything, you come find me. I don’t care whose arm I have to twist to get you what you need.”
“Thanks, Beca, really.” Aubrey nodded, “Not just for taking this job for me, but for saving my life to begin with.”
“Don’t even.” Beca shook her head, “Seriously, it’s what we do for each other, it’s my job. I’m just glad you’re back.”
“Are you going to be okay today?” Aubrey cocked her head, watching Beca’s hands sink deeper into her pockets, “With Chloe being back?”
“Sure.” Beca shrugged a little, not meeting Aubrey’s eyes, “I’m a professional, why wouldn’t I be?”
Aubrey sighed a little, a frown pulling at her face, “Beca…”
“Look.” Beca cleared her throat, “It’s fine. I’ll be fine. Besides, aren’t you supposed on her side anyway?”
Aubrey laughed softly at that, shaking her head, “I’m not on anyone’s side Beca. You’re both my friends, my sisters, that’s the end of it. Please don’t feel like you can’t talk to me if you need to, just because Chloe and I have a long history together.”
“Thanks.” Beca nodded slowly, “I um… I’ll be out in a minute. You should go get changed or something.”
“Okay.”
Aubrey gave her shoulder a quick squeeze before she left Beca to her thoughts. She knew her better than Beca realised at this point. She was a lot like her in many ways, and one of those was that she sometimes needed a minute to feel vulnerable without people watching her do it.
Beca huffed out a shaky breath, back to the door and shelf gripped tight in her hands. She was so damn sick of crying about it all at this point, it felt like all she had done for the last two months. Erin had told it was normal, that grief worked in weird ways and not to beat herself up over it, but it was kind of hard to do that when she felt like an idiot every time she got upset about it.
“Um… hi?”
Beca gasped softly, hoping the person that voice belonged to hadn’t heard her do it. She wiped quickly at her face, squashing her feelings way down once more. Definitely not crying in front of her, that wasn’t exactly going to help the situation, was it?
“Hey.” She mumbled as she turned around, forcing a half smile onto her face, “You uh… you look good. Tan, I mean. Relaxed. New hair cut?”
Chloe shuffled her feet awkwardly, tucking her newly short hair behind her ear, shrugging a little, “Yeah. I wanted something new. How… how are you doing?”
“Fine.” Beca shrugged, “Busy, y’know?”
They fell into an uncomfortable silence, neither looking the other in the eye. Beca hated this. She didn’t understand how they’d gotten here, not after everything they’d been through in the last year. But this is where they were, and she supposed she only had herself to blame for it.
“Wh-what?”
“Marry me.” Chloe repeated herself, sitting up sharply, brushing her hair out of her face, “I need you. I need you Beca, I’ve never told anyone that before, but you make me feel so safe, so loved, so… invulnerable. Aubrey she… she’s been carrying me for so long, I never felt like I’d have anyone else that would love me like that, totally unconditionally, and… I know you love me, I know you know I love you so…”
Chloe sniffed again, a grin pulling at her lips as she cupped Beca’s shocked face in her hands, swallowing thickly.
“Beca Mitchell, will you marry me?”
“Chloe…” Beca breathed, feeling her stomach start to knot, “I– I do love you, of course I do, but–”
“But?” Chloe echoed, her face falling along with her hands, eyes searching Beca’s as she tried to make sense of things, “There’s a ‘but’?”
“Not like that.” Beca cut in hurriedly, “There is no ‘but’ to me loving you Chlo, that’s never going to change. It’s just… today has been awful, with Aubrey and Emily, and the lockdown, and everything it’s stirred up for you, I just… I don’t think you’d be asking me this today if you weren’t so upset.”
“You think I only want to marry you because I’m upset?” Chloe’s voice started to raise, “That this hasn’t been on my mind for months now, that we wouldn’t have always ended up getting married anyway? What does it matter if I ask you now, or tomorrow, or next week?”
“Because!” Beca hadn’t meant to yell, but she could feel both panic and frustration starting to well in her throat, the exhaustion and emotional stress of the day starting to catch up with her, “Because we don’t make the best decisions when we’re sad and feel like the world is falling apart around us, I of all people know that Chlo.”
“I’m not trying to kill myself Beca!” Chloe spat, getting off the bench, starting to pace angrily in the roof garden, “I’m trying to move forward with our lives!”
Beca flinched a little at Chloe’s words, trying so hard not to take it personally. She knew a rational Chloe wouldn’t say any of this, that this was because she was hurting and because Beca couldn’t seem to find the right words to make any of this better. But still, to throw her lowest point in her face like that, it really hurt.
“I’m not saying ‘no’.” Beca shook her head, “I’m saying ‘not now’. ‘Not today’. ‘Not until Bree and Em are healed up, and you’re doing better’. That’s all Chloe. I still want to want to be with you, I love you, that hasn’t changed. But I want us both to be in a better spot, emotionally and mentally before we make a huge decision like this.”
Chloe scoffed, shaking as she ran her hands into her hair, tears running freely down her face, “That is a no Beca. It doesn’t matter how prettily you dress it up, you’re saying no.”
“Chlo–” Beca got up, intending to comfort Chloe, to de-escalate this before it got any worse, but Chloe pulled away from her before she could, shaking her head furiously.
“You said no, Becs. You don’t want to marry me. So… so that’s it. What’s the damn point?”
“Chloe–”
“No.” Chloe sniffed hard, “No you don’t get to try and smooth this over Beca. You said no. That’s it. I… I can’t even look at you right now.”
And then, she was gone. Beca was left dumbfounded, watching Chloe quickly leave the rooftop terrace without so much as a glance back at her. Her mouth hung upon with things left unsaid, tears blurring her vision as she just stood there like a moron, staring after the woman she loved and wondering how the hell they had gotten here in the space of only a day.
“I don’t want this to be weird.” Chloe suddenly blurted out, “Us. I… I got a place, not that far from our– yours, that way I can still check in on Tess. If that’s okay, obviously?”
“Uh, yeah.” Beca swallowed thickly, nodding, “Yeah sure. She’s missed you. Everyone here has, it’s way too gloomy here without your whole Beale sunshine shtick.”
Chloe’s soft giggle seemed genuine, even as she wrung her hands together, still not meeting Beca’s eye, “I missed everyone too. Bora Bora was great though, exactly what I needed, I got my head all cleared up, and I’m ready to work.”
“Good.” Beca nodded, even as the taste in her mouth became ash, “Me being department chief, that’s… that’s not going to make us working together weird? Because it’s a lot of one-to-one meetings and stuff.”
“It’s fine.” Chloe shook her head, although her smile looked a little forced, “I thought Bree was back today though?”
“She is. She just doesn’t want the chief job back. It’s not like I want it either, but rather me than a stranger who Bumper approves for us.”
Chloe sighed, rubbing at her face with her hand. They fell into that uncomfortable silence again, two people that had once shared silence so easily and so comfortably now both wanted nothing more than to escape this moment.
“I um… I’m going to go change. See you on the floor?”
“Yeah. Yeah see you out there.”
Beca sank to the floor as the door closed behind Chloe, head in her hands as she groaned loudly. This was the last thing she needed to deal with right now, awkwardness between her and Chloe. Things were so delicately balanced out there right now with all the pressure from Bumper and the Board, all the scrutiny, the last thing they needed was the chief of department and charge nurse unable to communicate with each other.
She sniffed hard, trying to force her tears back down again, just until the end of her shift, then she could go back to her mom’s place and let her hug her until she felt better. Beca didn’t have it in her to tell Chloe that she hadn’t been back in their apartment lately. Not since the night Chloe left.
Utterly exhausted, Beca let herself into her apartment, ready to just collapse into her bed. She had spent the last three days fielding calls from the Board, filling in incident forms, talking to the police, and wondering where the hell she and Chloe stood. That out of everything was weighing on her the most, she hadn’t seen her since the roof terrace, assuming she was by Aubrey’s bedside almost religiously, and not having enough time to piss, nevermind go and find her to have this conversation.
She needed to have this conversation with her, to reassure Chloe that she did want to marry her, she just didn’t want to trap Chloe in a decision she made when she was feeling so vulnerable. Not if it was something she didn’t want in the long run.
“Chlo?” Beca called. She had no idea if she’d even come home in the last couple of days, Tess had been with Laurel outside of the city so there had been no need for either of them to sleep here rather than in the on-call room.
God, she hoped Chloe was here.
“Chloe? Are you here?”
There was no answer, the apartment a kind of quiet that made Beca feel nauseous. Chloe had to be here. She’d checked in on Aubrey before she left, Emily too and there was no sign of her there, nor on the ward. She had to be here. Right?
“Fuck man…”
Beca dropped onto the couch, head in her hands. She really needed Chloe right now, after everything that had happened lately, there was nothing she needed more than to curl up in the arms of the woman she loved and be held until she felt like she was strong enough to carry all this on her shoulders. How she’d managed to mess this up so badly, she had no idea.
“Please come home.” She whispered into her hands, as if Chloe would be able to hear her anyway, no matter where she was, “Chloe please come home now.”
As she lifted her head from hands, Beca saw it. The folded paper on the coffee table. Her stomach dropped like she was on a rollercoaster, mouth suddenly as dry as a desert. She stared it for what felt like an hour, not daring to open it up. As long as she left it where it was, nothing had changed. Everything was okay until she picked up.
Eventually, her shaking hand reached out and picked it up. There were two pieces of paper, one an approved PTO form, marked for almost two months. Beca knew Chloe had a lot of acrewed days off, the woman never stopped, but… two month’s worth all at once? The other piece of paper was a note, Beca’s heart twisting sharply as her eyes immediately recognised the loops and curls of Chloe’s own hand.
‘I can’t wait for you to change your mind. I need time. Chloe x’
Beca let out a shaky laugh, letting the note fall from her fingers onto the floor. That was it? After everything they had been through, all of the pain and stress and… it was just over with thirteen words? Chloe hadn’t even stuck around to say goodbye, just dropped a note and a copy of her PTO form, and left? Who did that?
She didn’t even realise she was sobbing until her phone started to ring, desperately scrambling for it in the hopes it was Chloe, that this was a moment of madness and she was coming straight back. It wasn’t. It was her mom, and honestly, if there was anyone she needed to talk to right now, more than Chloe even, it was Laurel.
“Hey Panda, how are things?”
“Momma…”
Beca’s voice came out in a sad croak as she wiped furiously at her face, trying to sound at least semi-coherent and not utterly devastated.
“Beca? What’s wrong, what happened?”
“S-she… she left Ma. She’s gone, she… she didn’t even… she d-didn’t let me…”
Beca couldn’t get any more words out, breaking down completely, all the pain and stress and heartbreak of the last three days pouring out of her, not least of all the fact that Chloe had left her. She could barely hear Laurel over her sobbing, but she knew she was there, trying to comfort her from the other side of the phone, in the same way that she had always tried to comfort her.
“Baby, I’m so sorry… I’m so so sorry. I’m coming home right now, okay?”
“I just… I just… I don’t get it Ma…” Beca choked out, barely able to hold her phone to her ear with how bad her hands were shaking, “Why… why wouldn’t she at least let m-me explain? I didn’t… I didn’t mean I wanted us to…”
“I know Panda. I know. Where are you right now?”
“T-the apartment.” Beca sniffed hard, looking around her, “F-fuck, I… I don’t know if I can stay here, it– smells like her Ma, I…”
“Shh, baby, it’s okay. I understand. Listen to me, I want you to get the spare key you have to my place, pack a bag, and go there. I’ll be home by tomorrow, and we can figure everything out then. But you need somewhere to sleep tonight Beca, somewhere you can rest without thinking about everything.”
“I… I just want Chloe.”
“I know baby. I know.”
Beca puffed out her cheeks, forcing herself to get up off the floor. Time to put her big girl pants on, time to pull herself together and do her job. Whatever happened between her and Chloe, it went on the back burner, a conversation to be had with her therapist and/or her mother later on. As she got to her feet, her phone chimed with a text notification, Beca pulling it out of her pocket.
MA: You got this Panda, love you – Ma xx
Beca smiled softly, giving the message a quick heart reaction before pocketing her phone again.
“Alright Mitchell. Time to get to work.”
She stepped out of the linen closet at last, shoulders squared and trying to act braver and more put together then she was currently feeling. One shift at a time. She’d just take it one shift at a time.
“So, Trouble. You’re running a whole ED now huh?”
Beca all but lept out of her skin as Calamity grinned at her, scowling as she gave her a friendly shove.
“Why are you creeping on me out here?” She grumbled, “Fucking weirdo.”
“Uh, because the department chief is supposed to give me a tour of the place?” Calamity raised her eyebrow, giving Beca a shove back as they walked step for step back into the ED, “Geez civilian life has kinda made you dumb.”
“No, it hasn’t.” Beca snorted, “I just have a lot on my plate right now, forgive me for forgetting I had to hold your hand through your first shift.”
“You wish Mitchell.” Calamity snorted, “So… what’s with you and the redhead? She seemed a little… upset when she left your secret meeting.”
“Nothing.” Beca mumbled, adjusting the stethoscope around her neck, “Nothing important anyway. It’s no big deal.”
“Okay, if you say so.” Calamity shrugged, “They really trust you to run this place then?”
“What can I say?” Beca smirked, grateful for the change of subject, “I’ve grown since my army days.”
“Not in stature.”
As Beca scoffed indignantly, her eyes wandered to where Chloe had arrived at the Nurse’s Station, eagerly mobbed by Ashley and Emily, showing them both something on her phone. It hurt, seeing Chloe so happy and carefree when she’d spent the last two months absolutely miserable. But she supposed people had different ways of handling heartbreak. If Chloe’s heart was even broken at all.
“Come on. I’ll show you the hybrid OR first.”