Archive of Our Own

The first time Dan Heng hears whispers about Blade and General Jing Yuan, he is on the Xianzhou Luofu still traveling behind Sushang and Luocha.

As they walk deeper through the winding paths and thin alleyways, Dan Heng is hit with a pang of nostalgia that he desperately tries to tamp down. The Xianzhou Luofu may have been his birthplace, his technical home, but he has spent no more than a scant few minutes outside on these streets; the only time he was allowed out was when he was escorted to the lone starskiff that would take him out into the cosmos, marking the beginning of his exile.

None of the Xianzhou Luofu, save for the cold and damp last-floor cell of the Shackling Prison, should feel familiar to him. Dan Heng was never granted the chance to walk the very streets that he once frequented.

Nostalgia is not an emotion that Dan Heng can allow himself.

“People my age are so funny, you know?” Sushang’s bright and cheery voice, so reminiscent of March’s and Stelle’s own speech patterns, breaks through Dan Heng’s musings. “I’ve started seeing people post about how attractive the Stellaron Hunter criminal is, and how he and esteemed Arbiter General Jing Yuan have much chemistry together!”

Dan Heng stops in his tracks. “I’m sorry, what did you just say…?”

Sushang turns around, her mouth rounded in shock. “Oh, Silent But Deadly! You weren’t saying anything before, so I didn’t think you were paying attention.”

Luocha brings his hand to cover his mouth and chuckles softly. “The silence, perhaps, is a clear sign that he was listening to your every word.”

As mysterious and slightly suspicious as Luocha seems, especially with the downright ominous energy that the casket he is carrying emanates, Dan Heng is grateful to him for saving Dan Heng from having to come up with an excuse all the same.

Sushang, thankfully, also has no problems carrying conversations by herself. “I was just saying that people my age are weird,” she says, taking out her phone and opening it to whatever social media app she was scrolling on earlier. “Here I am, doing my duty as a member of the Cloud Knights by evacuating and guiding civilians during this ongoing crisis, and all the rest of my peers are speculating as to whether the Stellaron Hunter has history with General Jing Yuan! I mean, the Stellaron Hunter is a wanted criminal who broke out of prison, for Lan’s sake!”

A small smile spreads across Luocha’s face. “Oh, you know how people are. They’re often fascinated by the forbidden, and criminals in particular are popular.”

The look Luocha gives Dan Heng is a bit too knowing. “And those on the run tend to be especially sought after. Wouldn’t you agree, Dan Heng?”

Dan Heng has to take back every positive thing he might have ever thought about Luocha. “It is foolish. That Stellaron Hunter that they’re speculating over… He’s dangerous. If he catches wind of any of them making light of his name so easily…”

Mara-crazed eyes. A murderous smirk. A gold-veined sword with a blood-red tip pointed right at his throat.

Dan Heng may not know what Blade is on the Luofu for, but he knows Blade better than anyone else.

“…None of them know what they are talking about. That man would sooner slash the General’s throat than spare him any thought.”

Sushang shifts from her side to side, nodding and humming. “Well, I don’t disagree that they’re being pretty dumb, but… It seems like the security footage from the Shackling Prison was leaked, and he actually didn’t fight the General!”

The thought of Blade not fighting General Jing Yuan is so absurd that Dan Heng does take Sushang’s phone when she offers it to him, careful to not let any of his nerves show by steadying his hands. It’s dumb, it’s foolish, it’s irresponsible of him to force the entire group to stop their travels just because he wants to satisfy his own curiosity, but there is a tight coiling in his gut that tells him that if he doesn’t find out what transpired between Blade and Jing Yuan, then he will not be able to focus on the mission ahead.

But the video footage doesn’t lie, and, to Dan Heng’s shock, the scene plays out just as it did in his nightmare: even with the grainier quality to the video, there Blade stands, telling Jing Yuan plainly to his face that he is not one of the ones who has to pay the price. Rather than charge at Jing Yuan with his sword, Blade simply stands there, more docile than Dan Heng thought he could ever be, and offers a heated smirk in lieu of a sword to the throat.

Questions build up in Dan Heng’s mind, his mind a whirlpool of fear, confusion, and a strange tangle of nausea that he can only attribute to stress. 

Seeing it so plainly in front of him, Dan Heng is forced to acknowledge that he really does have some otherworldly connection to Blade — no doubt the fault of Dan Feng. What else could explain the fact that Dan Heng actually saw the events shown to him on video, just in his nightmares?

A smaller, quickly buried part of Dan Heng snarls: Who allowed Jing Yuan to interfere with their affairs?

And why did Blade seek out Jing Yuan first, and not Dan Heng?

Dan Heng shakes his head. The lack of sleep and the overwhelming worry for his companions is surely getting to him, and his rationality is suffering as a result. It should be — no, it is a good thing that Blade has not gone after him. The Xianzhou Luofu itself may be in danger with Blade wandering around somewhere after having escaped the Shackling Prison, but Dan Heng left the Express with one main goal in mind: ensure the safety of his companions.

So long as Blade stays away from him, he can at least guarantee that the rest of the Astral Express will be all right.

Sushang, to her credit, does not interpret Dan Heng’s silence as an invitation to speak. She simply takes her phone back from his hands and puts it away, and wordlessly, the three of them continue their trek through the streets of the Luofu. Just like before, Sushang naturally takes the role at the front, leaving Luocha and Dan Heng to trail just slightly behind.

Luocha surprises Dan Heng then by speaking, his words quiet enough to make it clear that they are intended for Dan Heng’s ears alone.

“It does seem that the General has some sort of history with this Stellaron Hunter,” Luocha says. The slight upturn has not yet left his lips, and though Dan Heng feels bad judging Luocha based on little more than his demeanor — especially since Dan Heng himself is not the paragon of perfect behavior — he can’t help but feel as if Luocha is taunting him, somehow. “Do you think the General has a soft spot for criminals?”

Jing Yuan certainly treated Dan Heng nicely while he was in the Shackling Prison himself — though, of course, that came at the price of Dan Heng being looked at as if he were a ghost. Though Dan Heng was never privy to the conversations Jing Yuan had with the guards or the Preceptors, he knows that Jing Yuan’s special treatment of him was deeply frowned upon. Certainly, Jing Yuan might have a soft spot for Dan Feng that extends to Dan Heng, but Dan Heng doubts that Jing Yuan would have such a tender heart for every criminal he faces on the Xianzhou. He is an Arbiter General, after all; if he truly had a soft spot for all criminals, then he surely would have long been removed from his position swiftly.

Though, since Blade addressed Jing Yuan with such familiarity, perhaps a similar soft spot could exist for Blade as well…?

Dan Heng speeds up his gait just enough to put some distance between himself and Luocha.

Whether Jing Yuan and Blade truly have history, and whether Jing Yuan has a soft spot for Blade, and the reasons behind Blade not treating Jing Yuan with malice…

None of that bears thinking about.

(Later, not too long afterward, when Dan Heng fights side by side with Blade to get Jing Yuan’s overeager retainer off their trail, Dan Heng has to ignore the unwanted curl of satisfaction in his chest when he notices just how easily their movements flow together.

And later, not long afterward, when Blade backs off with scarcely any trouble and Dan Heng discovers that Blade and Kafka were working with Jing Yuan the entire time…

When Blade turns away from Dan Heng and Jing Yuan’s nostalgic stare is directed at his back as he walks away…

The lump in Dan Heng’s throat is from the realization that he has been tricked — that having him leave the Astral Express and set foot on the homeland he was exiled from was their plan all along, and he fell right into their trap.

It has nothing to do with how unfamiliar Blade’s back looks, how strange it feels to be left alone after growing used to their encounters never ending until Blade lay dead at his feet. It has nothing to do with how easily Blade and Kafka communicate, how calmly Blade regards Jing Yuan.

It is a matter of Dan Heng not appreciating being left in the dark. Nothing more.)

When the Astral Express lands on the Xianzhou Luofu once more to attend the Wardance festivities and after the matter of Hoolay and the rest of the Borisin are put to rest, Dan Heng spends his free time those few days wandering.

It is strange, the newfound freedom that he can enjoy and the hard-won lightness in his steps. Even spending time in the Shackling Prison — as an observer and not a prisoner, this time — has not managed to dampen his mood. While Dan Heng is unsure if he will ever feel truly comfortable on the Xianzhou Luofu, being back on this ship calms a deep-rooted longing in his heart. It’s relaxing, walking through Aurum Alley and admiring the lanterns in all their splendor, the trees in magnificent bloom, the vendors and visitors alike chatting and sharing stories, sharing lives. 

“Dan Heng!”

The voice that calls out to him is not unfamiliar, yet Dan Heng is not sure of who it belongs to until he turns his head toward the source of the sound.

“General Huaiyan. General Jing Yuan,” Dan Heng greets the two of them with a respectful nod of his head. “How are you two enjoying the festivities?”

“Much better, now that there is no immediate danger lurking in our midst,” General Huaiyan replies, his eyes crinkling up in a smile.

Jing Yuan, from his spot sitting across from Huaiyan, laughs boisterously, the tea in his hand sloshing over the rim of his cup. “I like that you have to clarify that there is no immediate danger, not that there is no danger at all.”

“Now, you promised me a drink with you," General Huaiyan waves Dan Heng over. "Why don’t you come join Jing Yuan and me here?”

Dan Heng could make up some excuse, say he’s actually on his way to meet with his friends, but Huaiyan’s gaze is so warm and inviting that all thoughts of avoiding the interaction flee from Dan Heng’s mind. He did make a promise, after all.

The patio that they’re enjoying themselves at is connected to a moderately sized teahouse. Although the inside of the teahouse is clearly bustling with people, it seems that either the owner of the teahouse or the generals themselves have requested that the patio be left empty, so the two of them are the only ones sitting at the tables. Dan Heng feels a bit nervous, looking at two people who once knew Dan Feng and don’t really know him, but he walks closer to the two of them and takes the chair that Jing Yuan pulls out for him.

No words are exchanged at first as Dan Heng settles himself down. A nearby server hurries over to them, placing a cup of steaming hot tea in front of Dan Heng, before bowing deeply and scurrying away. No doubt, whoever the owner of this tea shop that the generals are spending time at is beside themselves with the honor of serving two, now three, highly esteemed guests.

“I am glad that you have agreed to join us old men for a drink,” General Huaiyan says, a good-natured chuckle escaping his mouth.

Jing Yuan joins him in his merriment. “Now, General Huaiyan, you wound me.”

“Are you not old now, Jing Yuan?” General Huaiyan raises an eyebrow. “It has been many centuries since you could last be considered a brat.”

“I could never be considered a brat, despite what your apprentice liked to call me,” Jing Yuan says back, the slightest hint of snark in his tone.

General Huaiyan shoots Dan Heng a look as if to invite him into a private little joke.

He’s whining about me calling him old, General Huaiyan’s eyes seem to say. Yet he says he’s not a brat. Are you hearing him right now?

Dan Heng allows himself to relax minutely.

“And many centuries have passed since I last sat down to tea with Imbibitor Lunae,” General Huaiyan sighs, shaking his head. “Dan Heng, your previous incarnation, even with how busy he always was, did always do his best to make time for me. Or, rather, he made time for Yingxing, and in turn made time for me.”

Dan Heng tries his best to not choke on the tea he has just taken a sip of. As comforting, in some ways, as it is to hear more stories about Dan Feng — stories that humanize him rather than paint him as a cold and aloof sinner — Dan Heng was not prepared to hear such stories right off the bat.

Before Dan Heng can regain his composure, General Huaiyan continues on.

“Now, how is that silly apprentice of mine doing these days?” General Huaiyan’s gaze turns critical at he looks over Dan Heng. “I have heard that he has caused you and the Luofu much trouble in the years since he left the Xianzhou.”

“Ah, well.” Dan Heng clears his throat. What can he say? What can he say that General Huaiyan likely does not already know?

And does General Huaiyan know something that Dan Heng does not? After all, it has been quite some time since Dan Heng last saw Blade. The Stellaron Hunters seem to be keeping a relatively low profile.

(Dan Heng is not worried about Blade’s wellbeing. The man is immortal, after all, and he has promised that his true death will not come without Dan Heng accompanying him.

Dan Heng is just…curious.

Since their meeting on the Scalegorge Waterscape, Blade has ceased to chase him throughout the cosmos. Naturally, Dan Heng would want to know how he is doing, if only to reassure himself that he and his companions are safe.)

“Well, I hear that he was briefly on Penacony,” Jing Yuan says, and Dan Heng perks up immediately at the mention of the planet of festivities. “I doubt that such a trip was for leisure, though, given the tales of how the Astral Express saved the citizens from an unending dream.”

Blade was on Penacony? Dan Heng recalls the nightmares and dreams alike that visited him while he stayed aboard the Astral Express. Perhaps, the influx of Dan Feng’s memories and the vivid night terrors of Blade’s pursuit of him was his body and mind naturally responding to Blade’s proximity.

But still, why didn’t any of the other Astral Express members tell him? If Dan Heng knew that Blade was on Penacony, he would’ve left his room sooner.

Wait.

Dan Heng clenches his fists and peers at Jing Yuan from under his lashes.

How did Jing Yuan know that Blade was on Penacony?

Jing Yuan continues, oblivious to the piercing glare Dan Heng directs him. Knowing Jing Yuan, though, it is likely that he is only pretending to be oblivious. “Though, there has been little more to say about his whereabouts. After Jingliu was taken to the Yuque, he and his Stellaron Hunter companion left, presumably to complete the orders of Destiny’s Slave.”

“Ah, that boy…” Huaiyan’s eyes soften, the sadness in his gaze obvious. “I can’t believe he would come to the Xianzhou after all these years and not come to speak with me. I’ve missed him.”

“It is not like he would be given a warm welcome by our forces.” Jing Yuan takes a sip of tea. “Although we did collaborate with the Stellaron Hunters for our own purposes, he is still a wanted criminal.”

Dan Heng fiddles with his half-empty tea cup, for lack of anything better to do and pertinent to say. Strangely enough, he finds himself wanting to come to Blade’s defense: if Dan Heng was forgiven for Dan Feng’s sins and allowed back on the Xianzhou, then should Blade not receive that same treatment for playing his part in ensuring the Luofu did not fall to Phantylia’s clutches?

Though, Dan Heng supposes, Blade has committed greater crimes than Dan Heng himself has.

“Even now… Well, you and Yingxing never got along,” General Huaiyan chuckles, his words directed at Jing Yuan. “I do recall many a time where Yingxing would come to me after a meeting with the Quintet, complaining about ‘that brat Jing Yuan’ doing something to get on his nerves.”

“Well, I am glad then that he did not call me a brat when we last met.” Jing Yuan crosses his arms and shakes his head. “Just as you said earlier, General, we both are old men. Your apprentice should be delighted to know that I am a brat no longer.”

“Hah. Well, I suppose he is well aware now that you are all grown up.”

The tea settles like a lead weight in Dan Heng’s stomach.

Something about the casual way Jing Yuan speaks about Blade… or the way Huaiyan plays along and teases him about their past friendship…

Even though the tea tastes like ash in his mouth, Dan Heng takes a long, long sip, if only to avoid having to speak.

As Huaiyan and Jing Yuan trade tales and banter between themselves, Dan Heng sits and listens as best he can, trying to ignore the way each nostalgic story and shared bit of laughter makes the tangle of emotions warring in his chest grow more knotted.

Didn’t Jingliu tell Dan Heng that Yingxing and Dan Feng were the closest of the group? Why are there no more stories about Dan Feng to be shared? Why does it seem that Huaiyan recalls only the moments Yingxing spoke about Jing Yuan?

How is it that Jing Yuan knows more about Blade’s whereabouts than Dan Heng does?

Why does it seem that, now that Blade has managed to convince Dan Heng to accompany him to the end, Blade wants nothing to do with him?

Dan Heng is not Dan Feng. Dan Heng has his own friends, his own people he cares about, his own place to call home.

And yet…

For the longest time, when Dan Heng was still on the run, when Dan Heng had nothing to accompany him except for his bracer, the jade pendant, and Cloud-Piercer…

When Dan Heng jumped from IPC ship to IPC ship with the knowledge that he would never be welcome again aboard the Xianzhou, hadn’t Blade been a little bit his own, too?

Dan Heng shakes his head minutely, hoping to rid himself of such strange, illogical thoughts.

It shouldn’t matter. Whether Huaiyan and Jing Yuan want to talk about Dan Feng, whether Jing Yuan happens to have the latest information about Blade, whether Blade is avoiding Dan Heng — none of it should matter.

Dan Heng catches the eye of the server nearby, and the server hastily comes over to pour more tea into his cup. After thanking them quietly, Dan Heng resigns himself to simply treating himself to as many cups of tea as he can stomach.

Although Dan Heng was the one invited to join the two generals, as he sits there, nursing his refill and trying not to focus too much on the warmth emanating from the bracer fastened around his arm, Dan Heng feels that he is nothing more than an intruder at a table that was never really meant for him.  

“Do you keep in touch with Jing Yuan?”

Blade blinks almost owlishly down at Dan Heng. His eyebrows furrow, in what Dan Heng can now begrudgingly admit to himself, is an attractive way. “What?”

Dan Heng sighs. “Do you keep in touch with—”

“I can’t text.”

It’s not a direct answer to Dan Heng’s question, but it is a start.

“Do you call him?” Dan Heng asks, and before Blade can answer, he looks away from Blade in favor of surveying their surroundings. The streets of Planarcadia are somehow both bright and dark, with the gray concrete lining the streets and tall industrial buildings casting shadows over the narrow alleyways while soaring pixel planes and glowing billboards demand attention. The people walking around pay them little mind, all of them hurrying off to their homes or clubs or whatever else they have planned for their nights.

Here, despite Blade’s status as a Stellaron Hunter, nobody spares him a second glance, so preoccupied with their own lives that it hardly matters what anyone else is up to. As overwhelming as the hustle and bustle of Planarcadia can be, it is admittedly nice to enjoy a bit of anonymity.

“I don’t call anyone, either,” Blade replies, gruff and just a touch disgruntled, “least of all Jing Yuan.”

The small, irrational part of Dan Heng that motivated him to open his mouth and ask rejoices, but it also pushes him to continue the questioning: “You don’t talk to Jing Yuan at all? Ever?”

Dan Heng still refuses to look Blade in the eyes, but the scowl on Blade’s face is obvious in his voice. “Why are you asking me so much about Jing Yuan?”

“The Astral Express was on the Luofu for the Wardance Festival,” Dan Heng says, crossing his arms and staring out at the sky. It’s interesting how different each moon on every planet feels. He doesn’t think Yingxing and Dan Feng would particularly enjoy having drinks under the light of Planarcadia’s moon, though they would likely enjoy time together regardless of the setting. Dan Heng is less sure of what Blade might think. “While there, I was invited to tea with Jing Yuan and—”

“Ah. So, you’ve upgraded to calling him purely by his name instead of General and now spend your free time with him?”

Dan Heng whips his head around to glare up at Blade. “Excuse me?”

Blade shrugs, an unreadable expression on his face. “The last time we were all gathered together, it seemed as if you were determined to put the past behind you. I thought Jing Yuan was included in that.”

“I promised to accompany you to the end,” Dan Heng says through gritted teeth. “How is that putting the past behind me?”

Blade says nothing. The sudden flare of anger burning in Dan Heng’s gut grows.

“I just wanted to ask why Jing Yuan knew so much about your whereabouts.” Dan Heng steps closer, narrowing his eyes in annoyance when Blade hardly reacts. “As far as I knew, you two hardly got along. Yet, somehow, he knew that you were on Penacony.”

Blade raises an eyebrow as he stares down at Dan Heng, a swirl of incomprehensible emotion in his eyes. “It is not strange for the Divine Foresight to have information on what might pertain to his affairs.”

Dan Heng bristles. His affairs?

“And you would consider your location as one of them?” Dan Heng forces himself to breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. “If you don’t text or call him, then I can assume you communicate with him via jade abacus?”

The redness in Blade’s eyes glows. Feeling vaguely chastised, Dan Heng steps back slightly. He hopes this isn’t a flare up of the mara, since he will be gutted if he has to fight Blade now, of all times.

“A jade abacus…?” Blade’s gaze sharpens. “Did Jing Yuan gift you a jade abacus?”

“Yes, in case the Astral Express needs to call for help from the Luofu Cloud Knights,” Dan Heng says, though it’s likely Blade already knows what it is, considering it is a craft of the Artisanship Commission. With how easily Blade and Kafka were able to secure a collaboration with Jing Yuan, Dan Heng will not be surprised to find out that they were gifted a jade abacus as well.

Blade’s eyes dart downward, appraising something below Dan Heng’s waist guard, before flickering back up to Dan Heng’s face. “But you do not keep this piece of jade on yourself?”

Now, Dan Heng is the one confused. “It’s small. It’s pretty easy to keep it stored away.”

A metaphorical storm cloud settles itself over Blade, casting shadows over his expression. “And you said that Jing Yuan is the one who gave this to you?”

Dan Heng’s expression sours. “Yes. Do you have a problem with that?”

The gloomy look on Blade’s face grows darker, but he otherwise says nothing.

Dan Heng isn’t sure what Blade’s problem is. First, Dan Heng found out that Blade was on Planarcadia — a fact that nobody else on the Astral Express knew, because he evidently left before the Express first landed — and then Blade decided to act reticent and irritated when Dan Heng questioned why the Arbiter General of the Luofu knew details about the Stellaron Hunters that nobody else seemed to know. Dan Heng just cares about keep tracking of which factions have connections to other groups, okay?

(And, well, okay. Dan Heng also cares that Jing Yuan, evidently, is more up to date about the Stellaron Hunters than the Astral Express is. Considering how often the Express has collaborated with the Stellaron Hunters, and considering the connections between them… How is that fair? Dan Heng knows that Jing Yuan was not involved in the sedition: it truly was a choice made by Yingxing and Dan Feng, Blade and Dan Heng.

It is the two of them who must see things though. It is Dan Heng who is supposed to accompany Blade to the end.

So why does Jing Yuan get to know more about Blade than Dan Heng is allowed to?

Is Dan Heng simply a means to an end? Is Dan Heng simply a symbol of past regrets, of debts left unpaid?

Is that all Dan Heng means to Blade?) 

“Boys, boys,” Silver Wolf’s drawl comes from the other side of the alleyway, growing closer as she approaches them with slushies in each of her hands. Seeing as both slushies are about halfway empty, it’s obvious that she has grabbed both of them for herself. “Didn’t you two just agree to a collaboration? What’s with all this animosity now?”

Dan Heng knows he’s being irrational, but he turns away from Blade with a shake of his head and faces Silver Wolf fully. “I was simply asking Blade about how confidential the whereabouts of the Stellaron Hunters truly are, if the Arbiter General of the Luofu knew about his script on Penacony.”

“Oh, I see.” Silver Wolf side-eyes Blade meaningfully, a smirk on her face as she sips loudly on one of the slushies. “So, Jing Yuan told you that?”

It’s obvious that Silver Wolf knows the answer to her question and is just asking it to mess with Dan Heng, for some reason, so Dan Heng doesn’t answer that. “It was just strange to me, since I was under the impression that the Stellaron Hunters do not have a long-standing collaboration with the Luofu.”

“Who knows what that old geezer gets up to?” Silver Wolf holds up both slushies to her mouth and slurps loudly from both straws. The action reminds Dan Heng so starkly of Stelle that he no longer has to wonder why the two of them get along so well. “Kafka gave him our numbers, so he sometimes texts to ask how we’re doing. I get the texts when I’m playing on Blade’s phone.”

Blade looks down at Silver Wolf sharply. “What.”

Clenching his fists, Dan Heng forces his own face to stay carefully neutral. Just like when fending off March’s or Stelle’s attempts to get him to talk when they really want to pry some information out of him, it is best to not show how much he is affected. “Interesting.”

“Yeah, it’s super annoying. I have to put your phone on ‘do not disturb’ when I’m doing my dailies sometimes,” Silver Wolf says with a roll of her eyes. “Can I text him back and let him know to leave you alone?”

“It’s a waste of your time. He won’t listen to you,” Blade grumbles. “He’s always been annoying and persistent, even as a brat.”

It’s a good thing that Dan Heng didn’t accept Silver Wolf’s offer for a slushie before, because he feels like everything in his stomach from his earlier meal with the Express is starting to rebel.

So, when Dan Heng wants to ask Blade a simple question, Blade acts evasive — yet, when Blade is evidently being bombarded with questions by Jing Yuan, Blade simply lets him do as he pleases.

Great. Just great.

Dan Heng is tempted to walk off and rejoin the Astral Express, but he’s already told them that he plans to stick close to Blade. And, besides, he’s also promised Blade that he’ll be keeping an eye on him, as well. And, despite what Blade accused him of in the past, Dan Heng has made a promise he intends to keep.

So, Dan Heng won’t turn back. Even if it hurts him, Dan Heng will ensure that he and Blade will see things through to the end, together.

What comes after… If there is an after, or if this is truly the release Blade seeks and there is no after…

Well.

That will simply have to wait.

“Dan Heng, are you sure you don’t want to take that room?”

Dan Heng shakes his head and forces himself to smile, even if it’s a small one, to try and communicate that he is absolutely fine. Himeko’s face tells him that she’s not convinced.

“I’m truly fine staying in the archives,” Dan Heng says. “I’ve made them my own, so it would be a waste for me to take that room now when we have a guest who needs to use it.”

And for Blade, who has known little but pain for the last seven centuries of his existence, Dan Heng is more than happy to give up the room that was originally offered to him. After everything Blade has gone through, after everything he was willing to sacrifice, Blade deserves to sleep in a soft bed with the privacy of a door that locks instead of out in the open of the parlor car.

Even if the pit in Dan Heng’s stomach feels heavier now, knowing that Blade is only staying on the Express temporarily so he can join them on their short stop on the Xianzhou before departing for Astropolis, Blade still deserves nice things.

“If you’re sure,” Himeko says.

Dan Heng hates that he’s making her worry. After everything she went through on Planarcadia, after the revelations she was forced to confront… Dan Heng has no right to unload his own burdens onto her shoulders.

“I’m sure,” Dan Heng says with all the conviction he can muster. “You should rest, Himeko. It’s been a long day.”

With a few more reassurances and respective bidding each other a good night, Dan Heng closes the door to the archives and goes through his routine of preparing himself for bed. It’s methodical, the way he hangs his coat up over the top of his chair and carefully folds his waist guard so that the jade pendant lies on top. Left in only his turtleneck and gray slacks, Dan Heng stares down at his arm where the bracer is still tied securely.

He can’t feel any warmth from it anymore. He hasn’t for a while, really.

Dan Heng knows Blade stopped keeping it on himself some time ago. Dan Heng knows that Blade only really used the bracer when he wanted to know where Dan Heng was, but now, it opens a chasm in Dan Heng’s chest when he thinks too much on the implications of it all.

The straps of the bracer are undone quickly and efficiently, and it is set aside with the rest of Dan Heng’s clothes as he changes into his sleepwear.

With a sigh, Dan Heng turns off the lights in the archives and settles himself down in his bed, resigned to a sleepless night filled not with memories or nightmares, but rather the loneliness of his own thoughts.

After everything that has transpired on Planarcadia, Dan Heng wishes sleep would come take him swiftly. Alas, Dan Heng has never been the type to rest well, even after the dangers have long passed.

The Astral Express is safe. The people of Planarcadia are safe. The universe, for now, has escaped the clutches of yet another servant of The Destruction.

Blade has conquered the mara, tamed the curse of immortality and forged it into something new. Something beautiful.

Something uniquely his own.

All without Dan Heng’s help.

As happy as Dan Heng is that Blade is no longer tortured by the mara, this resolution…falls flat. He’s unsure of how to cope with the fact that all those years Blade spent chasing him down, all that time Dan Feng and then Dan Heng spent chained to a cell in the Shackling Prison, all those declarations made between Blade and Dan Heng that, together, they needed to atone for the sins of their pasts…that everything that Dan Heng’s been running from and working to embrace could come to a close, just like that.

So much for accompanying Blade to the end. So much for ending things together.

So much for all the promises Blade forced Dan Heng to make — no, the promises Dan Heng made himself.

Still, Dan Heng is selfish: he can’t help but be comforted by the fact that he and Blade can now stand side by side and speak to one another without burdens weighing down their every word.

“Now that the two of us have repaid our debts…” Blade looks out into the starry expanse of the cosmos. It’s likely not a new sight to him by any means, but his quiet awe still shows through in the way he relaxes the longer he looks through the windows of the parlor car. “I’d like to speak with my master. I still feel unworthy to stand before him…but if I return to him now, having conquered the mara that plagues me, then I will have not disappointed him.”

“We’ve contacted Jing Yuan and the others to let them know we plan to make a stop on the Xianzhou before heading for Astropolis,” Dan Heng says, unable to tear himself away from the reflection of the stars reflected in the gold of Blade’s eyes. “I’ll need to speak with Jing Yuan, and I’d like to visit Lady Bailu for a bit, so you may need to come with me but keep a low profile. Afterward, though, it would be no trouble to make our way to the Zhuming.”

Blade’s upper lip curls slightly as he raises one of his eyebrows. “Still not calling him General, are you?”

Dan Heng doesn’t scowl, but he comes close to it. He’s not sure why Blade has to make such a big fuss about him calling Jing Yuan by his name; when he speaks to Jing Yuan directly, then he does tend to call Jing Yuan by “General,” but it simply makes more sense to say his name rather than his title when speaking to others.

“Well, I suppose you and I can go speak with Jing Yuan,” Blade shakes his head and crosses his arms, turning his head fully away so Dan Heng can no longer see his expression. “We’ve both confronted our own shackles. Will he finally decide to face his?”

The more Dan Heng turns his conversation with Blade around in his head, the more confused he grows.

Nothing adds up. Blade had even seemed slightly annoyed that Dan Heng mentioned speaking to Jing Yuan, but it’s only natural that Dan Heng and the rest of the Express will need to meet with him. He is, after all, their host every time they land on the Luofu, and they still owe him and the rest of the Xianzhou their thanks for their help in defeating Irontomb; plus, with Blade still technically being a wanted intergalactic criminal, it is for the best that he is not left to wander off by himself lest he get into trouble with the Cloud Knights. 

Unless… unless Blade doesn’t want Dan Heng to go with him when he goes to speak with Jing Yuan?

Blade, after all, is avoidant and private, even at the best of times. Even with how much Dan Heng insisted on accompanying him to meet the Voracity, he refused. Even with how much Dan Heng tried to help him in their battle against Asat Pramad, he still tended toward fighting and fielding blows on his own.

Perhaps, that really is it, then.

Their sin has been cleansed. Their debts have been paid. The lingering karmic bonds that drove Blade to chase Dan Heng throughout the universe in search of retribution have snapped.

Without Yingxing and Dan Feng hanging over them like ghosts, there is now nothing tying Blade to Dan Heng. Dan Heng being in Blade’s life is no longer necessary.

It’s clear that whatever role Blade wanted Dan Heng to play has already been fulfilled.

Their business with one another is over.

After all, only Yingxing and Dan Feng were lovers. Yingxing and Dan Feng were lovers. It is only natural that, now that Blade has moved forward from avenging Yingxing, that he would also want to move on from Dan Feng’s memory, Dan Feng’s love, too.

With Dan Heng looking so much like Dan Feng as he does, and with how much Dan Heng’s existence must remind Blade of the sin they committed together and the suffering that quickly followed, it makes sense that Blade is now eager to leave Dan Heng behind.

It only makes sense that Blade would seek out someone else, would want to spend time with Jing Yuan without the ghost of Dan Feng hanging by his side. Jing Yuan was not guilty of the sedition, had even done his best to support the two of them during their time in the Shackling Prison and after; he is familiar enough so that Blade will still find comfort in speaking to him, but far removed from painful reminders of long-held regrets.

That’s fine. That’s all right. Blade deserves to live well, after all, and if that is what will make Blade happy, then Dan Heng must support him.

It’s fine. It’s all right. It’s not like Dan Heng is in love with Blade, anyway.

The floor feels harsher on his back then it usually does. Dan Heng stares up blankly, the gray ceiling of the archives staring right back down at him. The lights are dim, but not completely off — he must have forgotten to hit one of the switches — and the yellow glow leaves dancing spots behind Dan Heng’s eyelids every time he blinks.

For all the lies he has told himself, Dan Heng recognizes this one for what it is.  

Dan Heng turns and curls up on his side, clutching his knees to his chest. Perhaps, if he just closes his eyes, the night will pass by quickly.

The next morning, following a series of sharp knocks, Dan Heng opens the door with a crick in his neck and deep shadows hanging beneath his eyes.

“So, the rest of the Express was not lying,” Blade says with a deadpan expression. “You really do not care about your own health and sleep on the floor, surrounded by whirring machinery and shelves of books.”

“Sleeping on the floor can be good for your health,” Dan Heng replies defensively, looking up at Blade with a tiny frown on his face. He’s too tired to deal with Blade’s judgment of his living habits. “And the computer noises are relaxing. They’re like white noise.”

Blade apparently has nothing to say to that, and Dan Heng has never been very good at carrying conversations, so the two of them stand there for several moments before Dan Heng decides to break the silence. He’s still a bit grumpy from the late night he just spent tossing and turning, tortured by his own racing thoughts.

“Well, unless you’d like to come in, I’m going to—”

“I’d like to come in.”

Dan Heng isn’t sure what he expected, but it wasn’t this, but he steps aside anyway. Blade enters and closes the door behind him, and suddenly the two of them are standing in the archives, all by themselves.

“Welcome to the archives,” Dan Heng says, the exhaustion weighing him down melting away momentarily as he looks around proudly at his collection of books. “If there’s anything you want to read, just let me know. I’ve compiled a pretty large collection from our travels, and I’ve recorded many entries about different planets, civilizations, weaponry—”

Before he can dart over to turn on the giant screens, Dan Heng is stopped by a light touch against his shoulder.

“Dan Heng.” Blade’s tone is soft, almost too soft with the electronic hum of the archive’s machinery droning in the background. “I’d love to have you talk me through the data entries later. But for now, I’d like to ask something of you.”

With the gentle way Blade speaks to him, Dan Heng knows that whatever it is he wants, it will be important. Dan Heng, overwhelmed and suddenly too tired for whatever it may be, looks down. “Ask away.”

Blade’s hand on his shoulder tightens. “Dan Heng. Won’t you look at me?”

Tearing his eyes away from the floor feels like he’s trying to lift the Shard Sword, but Dan Heng does it anyway.

It’s a bit strange, looking into Blade’s eyes now. For all his life, Dan Heng has known Blade’s eyes in two different ways: the red-yellow of the mara from his nightmares, and the periwinkle of Yingxing’s gaze in his hazy memories. Seeing them now, golden and clear and so, so lovely, Dan Heng’s heart gives an involuntary clench at the knowledge that Blade has survived so much.

“Dan Heng,” Blade says again. “When we arrive at the Xianzhou and take a trip to the Zhuming… Will you go with me, when I speak with Master Huaiyan?”

Blade could’ve asked Dan Heng to walk to his death, and he would have agreed. (Has already agreed, technically.)

“Of course, I will,” Dan Heng replies, but then he can’t help but blurt out, “but wouldn’t you rather have Jing Yuan come with you?”

The look Blade gives him is perhaps the most equally offended and confused look Dan Heng has ever seen on another person. “Why the fuck would I want Jing Yuan there?”

Dan Heng has said too much. “Well, General Huaiyan and Jing Yuan get along well—”

“Sure they do.” Blade furrows his brows. “But why would you suggest that I bring Jing Yuan?”

Dan Heng opens his mouth to defend himself again, but before he can get a word out, Blade continues. “Actually, that reminds me — why are you so insistent on mentioning Jing Yuan every chance you get?”

Blade’s eyes rove from Dan Heng’s face down the rest of his body, and if it were even possible, his lips curl downward in even more disgust. “Now that your debts have mostly been repaid, are you that eager to be rid of me?”

Apparently, Dan Heng has missed something very, very crucial.

“What are you talking about?” Dan Heng wrenches his shoulder out of Blade’s grip. “You’re the one who’s trying to get rid of me.”

Blade scoffs. “I didn’t realize you were the type to project onto others.”

“You didn’t let me go with you when you faced the Voracity,” Dan Heng hisses, stepping forward and jabbing a finger into Blade’s chest. “You told me to stay back, when I told you, time and time again, that I wanted to come with you. How is that not you trying to get rid of me?”

“You were needed to support the rest of your companions.” Blade frowns down at Dan Heng. “There was no need to drag you into my affairs.”

If Vidyadhara blood could boil, steam would be pouring out Dan Heng’s ears. “Oh, so Jing Yuan can know about your affairs, but not me?”

Blade grabs Dan Heng by the sides of his biceps, his hands tight enough to convey his frustration but loose enough to not hurt Dan Heng. “Again, why the hell do you keep bringing up Jing Yuan?”

“Because you’re in love with him.”

The silence that descends upon the archives is so stark and sudden that Dan Heng mentally swears that the computers have turned off. Blood rushes to his face, and his heart pounds in his ears, and he starts to force himself out of Blade’s grasp, only to be stopped by Blade’s hands tightening around his arms.

“Dan Heng.” Blade sounds like he’s somehow in between trying not to laugh and trying not to scream. It’s a terrifying mental image. “I am not in love with Jing Yuan.”

Dan Heng is so shocked at the declaration that he stops moving. “What?”

“You need to tell me, now, what, or who, gave you that ridiculous idea.”

Dan Heng fancies himself a pretty astute observer, and he’s quite good with gathering data and extrapolating conclusions. He’s the Astral Express’ archivist, after all! Even if it does make him feel a little better than Blade is apparently rejecting this particular one, Dan Heng still does not appreciate being told that his quite well-founded theory is ridiculous.

“Well…” Dan Heng looks away, a blush burning high on his cheeks and a small scowl settled on his face. His eyes burn a bit, but he refuses to show weakness and let any tears fall. That will only add to his humiliation. “You can’t blame me for thinking you might’ve liked Jing Yuan. He knew that you were on Penacony—”

“He likely just keeps tabs on the Stellaron Hunters and the Astral Express both.”

“—and he apparently texts you a lot to check up on you—”

“I never reply to any of them. And doesn’t he send texts to you and that Stellaron child as well?”

“—and you mentioned that you want him to face his own past, which includes you. And, considering how much you like to talk about our past, and our past is Yingxing and Dan Feng, and they were… Well, they were…”

Now, saying everything out loud, Dan Heng realizes that he may have jumped to conclusions. A bit.

Dan Heng hasn’t had a good night’s rest since they stepped on Planarcadia, or, ever, really, since the Astral Express has a bad habit of getting into trouble at every planet they land on. Can anyone really blame him for connecting the dots on a bunch of different incidents that are tangentially related at best?

(There is no way he can tell Blade that he also came to such a conclusion because of the speculation of teenagers on the internet, though.)

 Dan Heng deflates, his shoulders slumping and the little energy he started the morning with completely draining away. “I just assumed.”

Blade scoffs. “I can tell. Is that why you kept bringing up Jing Yuan over this past week?”

“I wanted to know why he knew so much about where your missions were taking place,” Dan Heng say, glaring up at Blade. “So… You’re not in love with Jing Yuan?”

“No.” Blade moves his hand downward to hold Dan Heng’s own in his palm. “Did you really think that I spent those centuries mourning you, those years chasing you, if I did not intend to stick with you until the bitter end?”

“Oh. That’s…” Dan Heng falters, the blush reigniting itself over his cheeks. It’s perhaps the most romantic thing Dan Heng has ever heard in his life — though, granted, he is not often the recipient of serious romantic declarations. (His various fan clubs throughout the cosmos don’t count.)  “That’s nice to know.”

“You’re the only one for me,” Blade says, as naturally as breathing, as easily as dying. “You may have paid many of your debts, but the past is not so easily erased. But, still — it is not because Dan Feng is your past. It is because you are Dan Heng, a Nameless, who has carved out his own path toward the future. And now that I am back, now that Shuhu no longer poses a threat, the future is still left for the both of us to create.”

Dan Heng is truly speechless, his heart thudding thunderously in his chest. He can do little but blink up at Blade, utterly ruined and truly taken aback by the force of his affection for him.

Dan Heng wishes he had the words to express everything he wants Blade to know, wishes he could tell Blade about all those nights he spent agonizing over the pain of losing him, the pain of imagining a future where Blade walked away once their sins were cleansed.

But Dan Heng is tired, and his mind is spinning, and he’s still standing there in just his pajamas, so he says, simply but truthfully, “You’re the only one for me, too.”

“And here I was, thinking you were the one in love with Jing Yuan.” Blade shakes his head, finally releasing the other one of Dan Heng’s arms so he can run a hand through his bangs. “I was ready to turn my back on my promise to tread a new path and bring out my sword the next time I saw him.”

Now, it’s Dan Heng’s turn to blanche. “What gave you that idea?”

“You spoke so much about the jade abacus he gave you.” Blade looks down at Dan Heng with an incredulous slant to his brows. “What else was I supposed to think?”

“It’s a jade abacus. It’s meant to be used in emergency situations to call for reinforcement from the Luofu.”

“And jade abaci are often small enough to fit inside jewelry.” Blade runs his thumb over Dan Heng’s palm. “You understand the implications of telling me that Jing Yuan gifted you jewelry, don’t you?”

It seems that, even when Blade and Dan Heng are able to have calm conversations with one another, misunderstandings are inevitable. Dan Heng will have to remember to be clearer with his wording in the future, if only to avoid embarrassing himself like this ever again.

“The jade abacus he gave the Astral Express is not jewelry,” Dan Heng replies. “And, besides, the only jewelry I was gifted that I will wear…”

Dan Heng darts his gaze to the side, toward where he set down his waist guard and his half of the jade pendant attached to it. Blade follows his gaze before he snaps his head around to look straight into Dan Heng’s eyes.

“Dan Heng,” Blade says, and oh, Dan Heng wasn’t in the right mindset to appreciate it before, but now, he can revel in the way Blade says his name so often instead of his former title. “I requested that you accompany me to my meeting with Huaiyan. It will be my first time speaking with him since I left my identity as Yingxing behind, and I plan to meet him, face to face, master to disciple, as Blade.”

Dan Heng’s heart beats faster and faster as Blade’s face comes closer and closer to his own. The rest of the room melts away from Dan Heng’s peripheral vision until all he can see in front of him is Blade, Blade, Blade.

And hasn’t that always been the case?

“And I want you to be by my side, too,” Blade says quietly, carefully. “Not anyone else. And I want you beside me, not as Dan Feng, not as Yingxing’s lover — but as Dan Heng.”

“So, tell me.” Blade’s so, so close. Dan Heng thinks he might still be dreaming — after all, he hardly slept a wink the night before. It will make the most sense if he has fallen asleep where he stands. Still, Dan Heng can admit to himself that even the sweetest of Dan Feng’s memories never feels like this. “Will you stand by my side again, as Dan Heng?”

Dan Heng gulps, placing his hand on Blade’s chest to halt his approach. Blade really is too close.

Undeterred by Dan Heng’s hand — because Blade was already only inches away from him, anyway — Blade tilts his head downward. “As mine?”

“I…” Dan Heng’s eyes flit downward toward Blade’s lips briefly before settling back on Blade’s eyes. It’s like staring right into the stars, knowing that no matter where the moon shines, no matter how many years pass, no matter how many celestial bodies and civilizations rise and fall, there will always be stars there, offering the warmth of their light. “Yes. I will.”

Dan Heng’s eyes flutter as Blade draws closer. Closer, closer. For all that Blade’s advance felt too fast before, each second drags by like centuries now.

When Blade’s lips are just a breath away from Dan Heng’s own, Blade stops.

“Still thinking about Jing Yuan?” Blade whispers, an infuriating smirk spread across his face.

“Oh, shut up,” Dan Heng says, then, finally, finally, drags Blade down into a kiss.