Work Text:
The reconstruction of the circus was going really well, as well as it could be after killing the one who had complete control over the place.
Everyone tried to stick together, nobody wanted an abstraction making chaos in the few safe places that remained almost intact.
Zooble was always with Gangle
Pomni stayed near Kinger and Ragatha
And Jax...
Well, sometimes he stayed watching them trying to fix the disaster, but he disappeared after a time and nobody could find him, this was one of those times.
The hallway was quiet and grey, there wasn't even a trace of the vivid colors that used to be everywhere.
Pomni was walking, just trying to clear her mind, there was a lot happening all at once
She didn't really notice when Jax appeared, close to her, calling out to her.
"Pomni?"
She immediately turned around, Jax had never said her name like that, not in that tone. He sounded exhausted.
"Hi, Jax"
Silence
"Can I help you with someth-"
"I- just....Never mind"
Jax turned around and started walking back from where he came from.
Before he could leave, somebody grabbed his wrist, not too strong, but enough to make him stop walking and turning around.
"Don't leave, what were you going to say?"
"Nothing, it doesn't matter"
"If it didn't matter you wouldn't have called me"
Jax sighed
He looked at the end of the hallway, where his room was located.
He looked back at Pomni's hand wrapped around his wrist.
Silence again
Pomni let his wrist go, but he didn't move.
"You wanna talk about it?" she asked
Slowly, Jax nodded.
--
They sat next to each other on the floor against one of the hallway walls, somewhere in the circus.
Not too close, not too far either.
There was still silence. Jax and Pomni didn't even talk.
She didn't want to force him to open up with her, Jax would speak for himself when he was ready.
"I'm sorry"
That caught Pomni off guard
"Sorry, what?"
"You heard me, I'm not saying that again" Jax said.
"Everything is getting difficult for everyone, don't apologize for having distanced yourself these days-"
"No, not just that. I mean EVERYTHING." Jax said, a little louder than before
Everything
The fights
Those heavy pranks
Bullying them
Being an asshole
Everything
"Look, I know I've been kind of a complete jerk, and I know how I treated you all this time and when you arrived, and how I always treat everybody but...you know, I-"
Jax was now fidgeting with the hands resting in his lap, his fingers constantly moving against each other.
"It's not because I hated you, I...it was just easier I guess"
"Easier for who?" Pomni replied
"I don't know...for me, I think. If you guys stayed far away from me, I thought it wouldn't matter if something went...wrong"
Wrong
What does wrong even mean?
Everything is going wrong now
"Is it because of what happened to Kaufmo?....and Ribbit...?"
Pomni looked directly at Jax
He was more tense now, clearly trying to keep himself calm
"Don't ever mention those names again."
"They were your friends, right?"
"Yeah"
"You never talk about them"
"There's nothing to talk about"
Jax was avoiding eye contact, trying to look at everything except Pomni
Jax continued talking
"Kaufmo was here, and then...he wasn't, and it was my fault.
Ribbit tried to understand me, she really tried, but I was too much of an idiot to face that. And I just kept pushing her away until..."
Jax couldn't finish that sentence, but he managed to continue speaking
"So when you arrived, I did the same thing I did with everyone. I'm sorry"
"At some point I really thought that you didn't care about us" Pomni said, kinda shocked by how Jax finally accepted the truth about himself.
"That's what I wanted you to believe" he said
"I don't hate you, Jax."
"What?"
"I don't hate you. Maybe you're not a great person, and you've hurt a lot of people, but... I forgive you"
"It's not that easy-"
"Maybe it's not, but I still forgive you. Stay around the circus. You can help us with the reconstruction if you want-"
"You're not actually listening, look-"
"POMNI?"
Zooble's voice could be heard from the end of the hallway.
Both of them turned.
At the far end of the hallway, Zooble was waving one of their arms above their head.
They started walking toward them, their footsteps clicking against the floor.
"Here you are. Kinger was looking for you. He needs your help with something. We are at the main area."
Zooble saw Jax sitting next to Pomni
"So you finally decided to show up, huh? We've been doing everything by ourselves, where were you?" Zooble asked him, angry.
"Jax will help us, I mean, if he wants" Pomni said, looking at Jax and waiting for his answer
"Sure...I'll go later" Jax answered, his voice sounded just as exhausted as before.
"That's great, see you later then" Pomni waved her hand to him while she started walking away with Zooble.
Jax stayed seated on the floor.
It was cold
He hadn't paid attention to certain things about the circus, like the smell, the temperature, or how some rooms used to look.
But now he did
It's almost funny how he decides to start looking and observing every little detail of the circus when only ruins remain.
Jax found the cold in his body strangely comforting.
So he leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes, letting his thoughts take over.
----------------------
(Pomni's POV)
I thought that after talking with him, he would feel better
But
He never came to help us as he said
I regret leaving him alone that day.
I somehow forgot how bad it could get.