Chapter Text
Jax floated in the numb, infinite darkness.
At first, it had felt like he was drowning. He couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t feel, couldn’t think. Everything was too bright, too loud. Colors flashed around him at nauseating speeds. His ears rang so loud he wanted to scream just so he could hear something.
Then, it was all gone. All of the pain left, and the darkness came over him like a warm childhood blanket. He found it was easier to let himself be, so he kept floating, carried on a current of nothingness.
After a while, it seemed like he didn’t exist.
And, oh, it was incredibly peaceful.
For what felt like an eternity, this was his only reality. Somehow, he managed to hold himself together without difficulty. He didn’t like to think much. Maybe that had something to do with it. What was there to think about, anyway? He thought he’d come to terms with everything he needed to before he went.
Before she went? Was she ready for that yet?
Screw it. Nobody else was going to notice, anyway. Might as well allow herself that small ounce of comfort, of closure.
The days blurred together, and she didn’t mind that, until one moment.
She heard a voice. She wasn’t quite sure what it was saying; listening to it was like trying to listen to something while underwater. It honestly didn’t matter. She knew who it was.
Pomni came to visit her every day. Usually, she sounded happy. She kept her voice low, which Jax appreciated. She wanted to hear her better. She wanted to get closer. She wanted to come back to her, to hold her and never let go, to apologize for everything she ever did, and to experience the freedom of being understood. And every night, when Pomni left, Jax missed her deeply.
It was a lonely thing, to not exist. She was tired of it.
After a few days, Jax could discern some words. She clung to those little snippets of a conversation she was desperately trying to be a part of. It gave her the first sense of real emotion she’d felt in God knows how long. She felt happy when Pomni was happy, and wanted to comfort her when she was upset.
The first time Jax had been able to hear Pomni fully, she was crying.
The sound filled her with ache, but she listened closely. It was all she could do at the moment.
“I’m sorry,” was the first phrase she heard.
No. No, don’t be sorry. Why are you sorry?
“I couldn’t save you. I tried.”
What are you talking about?
“I wanted to help you. I really thought I could.”
You did.
“I’m so sorry, Jax.”
Stop apologizing. You didn’t do anything wrong. I should be saying sorry to you. …I wish I could.
“I miss you.”
I’m right here.
In that moment, Jax felt all of her senses return. She could see everything around her in all directions. She could feel soft ground beneath her feet. She didn’t care about where she was, however. She focused on Pomni, who was sitting with her arms wrapped around her knees only a few feet away. Jax couldn’t move, not yet, so she just stared.
With some effort, she made a gentle, low rumbling noise.
Pomni looked up at her. She forgot how much she missed those eyes, those beautiful pinwheels, the ones that understood.
They stared at one another for what felt like hours, until Pomni spoke up again.
“…Jax?”
Yes. It’s me. I’m here.
She was only permitted control of her body for another second, which she used to close her eyes when Pomni rested a hand on her side.
The next day, she heard two voices. She didn’t quite recognize the other one, though it sounded familiar. It was only around for a few minutes, too, before it was gone. That was fine.
She could get occasional glimpses of the real world now. Wherever she was, it was filled with blankets and pillows, and she could see it perfectly fine despite the darkness. She rather liked the patchwork patterns of the blanketed walls. It was soothing. Oh, and Pomni was there more often. She tried communicating sometimes. She did everything she could to get closer to the voice, to the person she wanted to be with. She desperately wanted to hold her again.
It was exhausting.
After another talk, Jax could tell that Pomni knew how tired she was.
“Hey,” Pomni whispered, “You still in there?”
Jax did her best to grumble. Yeah. Kinda wanna not be here, though.
“…Hi.”
Hi?
“Look, I… I know you’re doing your best. It’s gonna take a while, but I don’t want you to push yourself too much, okay? That could hurt you.”
Eh. I’ll be-
…
Okay.
Apparently, Jax showed some kind of reaction.
“Thanks.”
Whatever.
She stayed still and quiet after that. She floated in the dark again. It was almost like she was sleeping, though she was still aware of everything happening around her. Pomni was there almost all of the time now. Jax listened to her voice, to all the nothings she talked about every single day. She learned things. Caine was alive, apparently, and everyone liked him now. Maybe there was still hope for her. Or maybe everyone else was naïve.
Oh, and rumor had it that Zooble and Gangle finally-
Oh, HO, she would have so much fun teasing the hell out of them when she got back.
One night, her eyes opened on their own, without her having to force them. The pillows underneath her were warm and soft. The blankets around her were all her favorite colors: purple, blue, and pink. She felt oddly calm, like the hard part of whatever journey she was on was over. Some of her giant, multicolored eyes were trained on the ground. Once she realized what was there, she focused all of her attention on it.
Pomni lied sleeping, right at Jax’s side. She was curled in on herself, hugging a pillow.
With all the strength she had, Jax picked herself up. She couldn’t stand to be apart from her comforter anymore. Once her giant, monstrous form was gently brushing against Pomni’s side, she laid back down. Already, she felt infinitely better.
She stayed alert for another moment, taking another snapshot of her surroundings. Dim light was pouring in from an entrance to her left. A familiar form was floating there.
Oh. Hey, Caine.
He had his hat clutched in between his hands, holding the rim flat to his chest. His denture-like jaw seemed clenched, though it was in its normal position. His mismatched eyes sparkled as they watched her, and widened when he noticed she was watching back.
After a beat, Jax decided that she didn’t care, laid her head back down, and closed her eyes.
Sleep, real sleep, came instantly.
Coming home was tiring work.