Archive of Our Own

Times are hard
You're afraid to pay the fee
So you find yourself somebody
Who can do the job for free

When you need a bit of lovin'
'Cause your man is out of town
That's the time you get me runnin'
And you know I'll be around

I'm a fool to do your dirty work, oh yeah
I don't wanna do your dirty work, no more
I'm a fool to do your dirty work, oh yeah – Steely Dan, “Dirty Work”

The first thing everyone noticed about Haerin and Danielle was that they were always together.

Not in the dramatic, movie-like sense where they walked down hallways attached at the hip or loudly announced themselves whenever they entered a room. It was quieter than that, more natural. Haerin would arrive somewhere and Danielle would already be there. Or how Danielle would glance across a crowded room and somehow know exactly where Haerin was standing. If one of them was missing, people instinctively looked for the other.

Over time, everyone simply stopped treating them like separate people.

It annoyed Danielle sometimes,

It secretly delighted Haerin.

Unfortunately, those feelings were part of the problem.

The afternoon sun poured through the library windows in long golden strips, illuminating floating dust particles and rows of crowded tables filled with students pretending to study.

Danielle was sat cross-legged in a chair near the back corner, a dusty textbook open in front of her despite the fact she had not turned the page in nearly twenty minutes.

Instead, she was staring.

Specifically, she was staring at a girl sitting three tables away, Kim Minji.

Haerin noticed it immediately, her catlike eyes following Danielle’s gaze.

Of course she did.

Haerin seemed to notice everything when it came to Danielle.

She noticed when Danielle got nervous, she noticed when Danielle lied about being tired, she noticed when Danielle was upset but insisted she was fine- she even noticed when Danielle was excited about something, or in this case someone and was desperately trying not to show it.

Most importantly, she noticed when Danielle was looking at someone the way she was looking now.

Haerin could tell why Danielle was interested in Minji, she was everything Haerin wasn’t. Loud, outgoing, had a large group of friends, a tall nose, and a commanding aura.

The opposite of Haerin, and the fact that Danielle liked her total opposite was very telling.

"Oh," Haerin said quietly, her grip tightened on the page of a book.

Danielle jumped slightly before turning toward her with that stupid, adorable smile she always had on her face.

“What?"

Haerin tilted her head toward the other table. "You're staring.” She paused, pursing her lips. “At her.”

Danielle’s eyes widened, her smile faltering.

"No, I'm not," Danielle said quickly, waving her hands dismissively.

"You absolutely are," Haerin replied.

Danielle shot another glance over her shoulder at Minji and buried her face in her hands.

"Oh my God.”

Haerin laughed softly- nervously, her chest was already tightening without her noticing.

The sound was warm enough to make Danielle peek through her fingers.

"What?" Danielle asked miserably.

Haerin leaned back in her chair, “Nothing."

"You're judging me, aren’t you?” Danielle huffed, her cheeks flushing red

"I'm not judging you." Haerin smirked- voice teasing

"You most definitely are." Danielle continued, this time her ears turning red.

"I'm really not," Haerin insisted, smiling.

Danielle groaned dramatically, and Haerin watched her for a moment.

The expression on Danielle’s face was unfamiliar.

Nervous, embarrassed, but most importantly- hopeful- the kind of expression people got when they liked someone.

Haerin hated how quickly that twisted something painful inside her chest.

She forced herself not to think about it.

Instead, she rested her chin on her hand and looked over at the other side of the library again, taking in a deep breath to steady herself before beginning, “So- Minji, huh? How long has this been happening?” She whispered, leaning in towards Danielle.

Danielle lowered her hands at the sound of the girls’ name, mock confusion evident on her face, “What-? How long has what been happening?”

“Your crush, on Minji.”

“Nonsense! I don’- what-“Danielle exploded, earning a “SHHH” from the librarian

Danielle composed herself, grumbling under her breath before replying again- “For your information, I do NOT have a crush on Minji.”

“Dani- you... you’re a really bad liar.” Haerin smiled, the nickname rolling off her tongue smoothly.

Danielle’s face flushed, before she put her head on the table again- “Wh-whatever, Haerin.. let’s get out of here, get ice cream or something.”

Haerin hummed, slamming the thick book shut, her grip was so tight on the spine it curved. She stood, collecting her things before gently nudging Danielle up.

“If you wanna get ice cream, then you have to stand up- Genius.” She teased, slinging Danielle’s purse over her own shoulder.

The ice cream shop sat on the corner of a busy street, its windows glowing warmly against the deepening blue of the evening sky. The air still held traces of the day’s heat, though a cooler breeze had begun drifting through town as the sun disappeared behind rows of buildings and telephone wires. Groups of people wandered along the sidewalk, conversations blending together into a distant hum, while the smell of waffle cones and sugar lingered around the storefront.

Danielle walked a few steps ahead of Haerin, happily licking at a scoop of strawberry ice cream balanced precariously atop a cone. She had already gotten some on her thumb and didn’t seem remotely concerned about it. Haerin followed beside her with a cup of cookies and cream, watching Danielle’s animated expression as she talked about something that had happened earlier that day.

The funny thing was that Haerin wasn’t actually listening.

Or rather, she was listening. She always listened when Danielle spoke. She could probably recite entire conversations from memory if somebody asked her to. The problem was that she spent so much time watching Danielle’s face while she talked that the actual words occasionally became secondary.

The golden glow from nearby storefronts caught in Danielle’s curly hair whenever she passed beneath a streetlamp. Her smile seemed impossibly bright against the darkening evening. Every laugh came easily, naturally, completely unaware of the effect it had on the person beside her.

Haerin wondered, not for the first time, what it must be like to move through the world without realizing how loved you were.

Danielle suddenly stopped walking.

“Let’s sit there,” Danielle suggested cheerfully, pointing toward a small park across the street.

Haerin nodded.

A few minutes later they were seated on a weathered wooden bench beneath a sprawling tree. The branches overhead shifted softly in the breeze, scattering shadows across the grass below. Around them, the park was quiet. A few children chased each other near the playground while distant traffic drifted through the evening air.

Danielle seemed content focusing on her ice cream.

Haerin seemed content focusing on Danielle.

It was the kind of silence they had always shared comfortably. There was no pressure to fill every moment with conversation. Years of friendship had smoothed away those awkward edges. Being together had become as natural as breathing.

That only made things worse.

Because every time Haerin convinced herself she could survive this- that she could spend years loving Danielle quietly and never say a word, moments like this happened.

Moments that felt too easy.

Too much like something they weren’t.

Danielle suddenly sighed dramatically.

Haerin smiled immediately.

There it was, the sigh.

The universal warning sign that Danielle wanted to discuss something.

“What happened?” Haerin asked, her voice easy and comforting.

Danielle groaned.

But Haerin already knew, she didn’t want to know.

Danielle slumped backward against the bench, “She’s just.. just so pretty- Minji, y’know?”

Haerin stared at her ice cream.

Ah. Of course.

The crush.

The girl, the one Danielle had been staring at constantly.

A small ache settled itself inside Haerin’s chest, familiar now, it was predictable- like an old injury that flared up whenever the weather changed.

“Mm,” Haerin hummed, eating another spoonful.

Danielle immediately turned toward her.

“No, but seriously, Haerinnie! Listen to me.. please- I have nobody to tell this to.”

Haerin almost laughed, Danielle always said that.

As though Haerin hadn’t listened to twenty nearly identical speeches already. As though each one wasn’t permanently etched into her memory.

“No, but seriously,” Danielle repeated, shaking her head. “I actually forget how to speak around her.”

Haerin looked down at her cup, the irony was almost enough to make her smile.

Danielle couldn’t speak around her crush.

Meanwhile Haerin spent every day carefully avoiding the truth around hers.

“That’s normal,” Haerin replied- knowing damn well she was conversing with hers every day.

“It shouldn’t be.”

“It is.” Haerin insisted again, spooning her ice cream into her mouth with a hum.

Danielle kicked lightly at the ground, “I probably sound ridiculous to you.”

Haerin looked over, and Danielle genuinely seemed frustrated.

The sight softened something inside her immediately.

No matter how much it hurt, Haerin couldn’t stop caring.

Couldn’t stop wanting Danielle to be happy- even if it mean’t hurting herself.

Even when she wasn’t the reason Danielle was happy.

“You don’t sound ridiculous, you never do.” Haerin said gently.

Then Danielle turned toward her completely- and Haerin immediately knew she was in trouble.

Because Danielle had that look, the one that meant she was about to ask for something.

The one Haerin almost never refused.

“Can I ask you something?” Danielle asked.

Haerin already knew the answer would be yes, “Sure.” she hummed, eyes glued on the melting ice-cream in her cup.

Danielle hesitated, which was unusual for her- normally the words would have spilled out of her effortlessly. This time she seemed nervous.

It made Haerin pay closer attention.

Danielle looked down at her half-melted ice cream.

Finally she sighed, “How do you flirt with somebody?”

Haerin froze.

But internally, every thought immediately crashed into every other thought, because Danielle was asking her.

Of all people.

Danielle was sitting beside her beneath the fading evening sky, close enough that their shoulders occasionally brushed whenever one of them shifted, and asking how to flirt with another girl. The universe had a cruel sense of humor.

Haerin swallowed carefully, “What?”

Danielle groaned, “Haerin... don’t play dumb- You heard me.”

“I did.”

“Then answer.”

Haerin stared at the grass- her heart felt oddly heavy, not broken.

Not yet.

“What brought this on? Or- actually, who brought this on?” Haerin asked quietly.

Danielle leaned forward, elbows resting on her knees, “I don’t know.” she sighed- her eyes wandering.

Haerin raised an eyebrow, “That’s a lie.”

Danielle laughed sheepishly- “Fine, you caught me. I was thinking about her.”

“Shocking, you always are recently” Haerin teased, despite her heart cracking little by little.

Danielle nudged her shoulder- and Haerin smiled despite herself.

Danielle’s shoulder remained pressed lightly against hers for a moment longer than necessary.

A tiny thing.

The sort of thing best friends did all the time.

Haerin hated how much she noticed.

“I just don’t know what I’m doing,” Danielle admitted.

The honesty in her voice made Haerin glance over, Haerin wanted to protect her- she wants  to fix every problem before Danielle ever has to face it, wants to be the person Danielle looks for first- not.. Kim Minji.

Especially the person she loved first.

Instead, she was sitting on a park bench helping Danielle figure out how to pursue somebody else.

“You don’t have to do anything special,” Haerin said eventually- her throat raspy with unsaid words.

Danielle frowned, “That’s terrible advice!”

“It’s true.”

“No, it isn’t.”

Danielle looked unconvinced.

Haerin sighed, “Usually.. people like being around people who are comfortable being themselves.”

Danielle laughed, the sound floating through the air like a bird’s song

Haerin frowned, “What? Don’t laugh when I’m trying to help you!”

“It’s just- hah, you sound like a fortune cookie!”

Haerin rolled her eyes, and Danielle continued laughing. The sound echoed softly through the evening air- for a few seconds, Haerin forgot everything else.

Forgot about Minji.

Forgot about how Danielle would never reciprocate her feelings.

There was only Danielle’s smile, only Danielle’s cheerful laughter- only Danielle

The same way it had always been.

Eventually Danielle’s laughter faded, and she looked at Haerin thoughtfully- she stared hard,

Long enough to make Haerin self-conscious.

“Dani? Haerin asked.

Danielle smiled softly, “I think you’re naturally good at this kinda stuff. Y’know.. love.”

Haerin’s stomach twisted, Danielle had no idea. No idea how much effort it took- how many words Haerin swallowed every day, how many confessions died behind her teeth- all the times she wanted to reach out and take Danielle’s hand just because she could.

If Haerin was good at anything, it was pretending. Pretending she wasn’t hopelessly in love with the girl sitting beside her.

Danielle looked away again.

Completely oblivious.

Haerin almost envied her.

The streetlights flickered on around the park, casting warm pools of light across the walkways. The sky had darkened into deep shades of blue overhead, and somewhere nearby a sprinkler clicked rhythmically across a patch of grass.

Danielle finished the last lick of her ice cream. Then she smiled, the bright, familiar smile directed entirely at Haerin.

“Thanks,” Danielle said warmly.

The words were simple.

Meaningless, really.

But Haerin felt them settle heavily inside her anyway.

What Danielle never understood was that Haerin would’ve done all those things without being asked.

Danielle stood and brushed invisible crumbs from her clothes.

“Come on,” Danielle said cheerfully. “Let’s walk around a little more.”

Haerin rose from the bench, “Okay.”

Then Danielle naturally reached for her wrist and tugged her forward.

Haerin followed immediately.

The warmth of Danielle’s hand lingered long after she let go.

And as they disappeared down the park path together, Danielle continued talking excitedly about her crush while Haerin listened carefully, carrying every word like something fragile.

She wondered if loving someone was supposed to feel this much like losing them.

————————————

As the weeks passed, Haerin became an unwilling expert on Minji. She knew things she had never intentionally tried to learn and facts she certainly never wanted to memorize, yet they had accumulated inside her mind anyway through weeks of listening to Danielle talk. She knew what classes Minji took, what café she liked studying at after school, what kind of music she listened to when she walked through the hallways with her headphones on, and which teachers seemed to like her most.

She knew all of this because Danielle knew all of it, and whenever Danielle became interested in something, she had a habit of sharing every thought that crossed her mind. Most people probably would have gotten tired of hearing about the same crush for days on end. Haerin never did. Not because she enjoyed listening to just anybody, but because she enjoyed listening to Danielle.

There was a difference. Even when the topic itself hurt, even when every mention of Minji felt like someone gently pressing against a bruise, Haerin still found herself paying attention to every word. That was the problem with loving someone. Sometimes their happiness mattered more than your own comfort.

Well, at least it did to Haerin.

The realization had come slowly over the years. Haerin couldn’t pinpoint a specific day when friendship had become something larger and more dangerous. It had happened gradually, buried beneath years of shared afternoons, sleepovers, inside jokes, and routines that had become so natural neither of them questioned them anymore. Somewhere between being twelve and being seventeen, Danielle had become the center of Haerin’s world. It wasn’t something she was proud of. In fact, most days she wished she could undo it entirely. Life would have been significantly easier if Danielle were simply her best friend. But life rarely cared about what was convenient.

On a Friday afternoon, sunlight poured through the windows of Danielle’s bedroom in long golden streaks that stretched across the carpet. Haerin sat on the floor with her back against the side of the bed, halfheartedly scrolling through social media while Danielle paced circles around the room. The movement had been going on for nearly fifteen minutes now. Every few seconds Danielle would stop, stare into space as if considering something deeply important, then resume pacing again. Eventually Haerin lowered her phone and watched her with growing concern.

“You’re making me nervous,” Haerin said quietly, looking up from her spot on the floor.

Danielle immediately stopped walking and pointed dramatically at herself. “I’m making you nervous?” Danielle asked incredulously. “I’m the one who’s nervous.”

Haerin sighed. She already knew where this conversation was heading. She could practically predict it by now. “What happened now?” Haerin mumbled patiently.

Danielle groaned and threw herself backward onto the bed, landing face-first against a pile of pillows. Her voice came out muffled. “I talked to Minji.”

Of course she did.

Haerin tilted her head back against the mattress and stared at the ceiling. It was almost impressive how consistently Danielle managed to bring every conversation back to the same person. “You talk to Minji all the time, why is this such a big deal?” Haerin replied.

Danielle immediately sat upright. “Not like this,” She said quickly.

That got Haerin’s attention despite herself. She glanced over her shoulder. Danielle was sitting cross-legged on the bed now, her expression somewhere between excitement and panic. The combination was unfortunately familiar.

“What do you mean, not like this?” Haerin asked.

Danielle looked as though she had been waiting desperately for someone to ask. “She asked me what I was doing this weekend,” Danielle explained.

For a moment Haerin simply blinked.

“That’s it?” Haerin asked.

Danielle stared at her in disbelief. “That’s it?” She repeated. “That’s your reaction?”

Haerin shrugged.

“She specifically asked me,” Danielle continued, sounding increasingly offended by Haerin’s lack of enthusiasm. “She didn’t ask anyone else.”

“Maybe she was just making conversation.”

Danielle grabbed the nearest pillow and threw it directly at her.

Haerin caught it automatically.

“You’re impossible,” Danielle complained.

“You’ve been pacing for fifteen minutes because someone asked if you had plans on Saturday.”

Danielle opened her mouth, closed it, then pointed accusingly. “It- it just sounds bad when you say it like that.”

The exchange lasted only a few seconds, but it was enough to make something tighten painfully inside Haerin’s chest. Sometimes Haerin would catch herself imagining what things might be like if circumstances were different. If Danielle looked at her the way she looked at Minji. If all those late-night phone calls and hours spent together meant what Haerin secretly wanted them to mean. Those thoughts never lasted long.

For the next hour, Danielle analyzed the interaction from every possible angle. She recounted the conversation word for word. She theorized about hidden meanings behind innocent comments. She wondered aloud whether Minji’s smile had lasted longer than usual. Haerin listened through all of it because that was what she always did.

Listening had become second nature.

The difficult part was nodding along while the person she loved talked endlessly about someone else.

As evening settled over the neighborhood, Danielle eventually abandoned the bed and dropped onto the floor beside Haerin. Their shoulders bumped together. The contact was brief and casual. Danielle barely seemed to notice it. Haerin noticed immediately. She always noticed. Danielle leaned her head against Haerin’s shoulder with the same effortless familiarity she had displayed for years, and Haerin found herself staring straight ahead, afraid that if she looked down she might never recover.

There was something cruel about the way Danielle trusted her. Not intentionally cruel, Danielle would never deliberately hurt her. But the casual intimacy of their friendship sometimes felt unbearable. Danielle held her hand when crossing busy streets. Danielle fell asleep on her shoulder during movie nights. Danielle hugged her without warning and rested her head in her lap and texted her first thing every morning. Danielle did all the things Haerin spent sleepless nights dreaming about, except Danielle did them as a friend.

“You know,” Danielle said thoughtfully after several minutes of silence, “I think I’m doomed.”

“Probably,” Haerin replied, shaking her head.

Danielle laughed softly. “You’re supposed to disagree.”

“You make it difficult for me to.”

Danielle rolled her eyes before her expression softened slightly. “No, seriously,” Danielle said more quietly. “I don’t think I’ve ever liked someone this much before.”

The words settled heavily between them, Haerin looked down at her hands. She wanted to say something reassuring. She found herself wondering if Danielle had any idea what it felt like to hear that.

Probably not.

Danielle wasn’t oblivious, exactly. She was perceptive when it came to other people. She simply never thought to apply that perception to Haerin. Why would she? As far as Danielle knew, Haerin was perfectly content being her best friend.

“What if she likes someone else?” Danielle asked.

Haerin swallowed.

The question almost made her laugh.

Because it was familiar.

“What if she doesn’t?” Haerin replied softly.

Danielle groaned. “That’s not helpful at all, Haerin.”

“Neither is spiraling.”

Danielle leaned further against her shoulder. “I’m serious.”

“So am I.”

A comfortable silence followed. Outside, the sky had shifted into deep shades of orange and pink. The room glowed with the soft warmth of sunset. Haerin found herself wishing time would stop right there. It wasn’t a perfect moment, but it was peaceful. Danielle was beside her. The world felt quiet. For a few minutes she could almost pretend nothing would change.

Then Danielle spoke again.

“Can I ask you something?”

Haerin immediately felt suspicious.

“That depends what it is.” She murmured, voice low

Danielle hesitated. The hesitation alone was enough to make Haerin nervous.

“What is it?” Haerin asked.

Danielle scratched the back of her neck awkwardly. “It’s kind of embarrassing.”

“That’s never a good sign.”

Danielle laughed nervously. “Okay, but hear me out before judging me.”

“I already feel like I’m going to judge you.”

Haerin finally turned to look at her. Danielle seemed nervous now. Her cheeks were slightly pink. She wouldn’t quite meet Haerin’s eyes, instantaneously, Haerin knew something strange was coming.

“What is it?” Haerin asked.

Danielle stared at the floor for several seconds before finally speaking- “What if Minji wants to kiss me?”

The question caught Haerin completely off guard, where did that come from?

The image appeared in her mind before she could stop it: Danielle kissing someone else. Someone that wasn’t her.

Minji.

“Then kiss her,” Haerin answered carefully.

Danielle groaned and covered her face, “It- It’s not that easy, Haerin.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’ve never kissed anyone before.”

Haerin froze. The confession wasn’t surprising, but hearing it aloud somehow made the conversation feel more real.

“What if I’m terrible at it?” Danielle asked, voice unsure with nervousness.

A sinking feeling began forming in Haerin’s stomach- because suddenly she knew exactly where this was headed. And judging by the increasingly guilty look on Danielle’s face, Danielle knew it sounded ridiculous too.

“Danielle,” Haerin said cautiously.

“Yeah?”

“Whatever you’re about to suggest..”

“Just hear me out!”

“Oh no,” Haerin muttered.

“You haven’t even heard it.”

“I don’t need to.”

Danielle buried her face in her hands again.

Haerin already knew, the terrifying part was that she also knew she probably wouldn’t say no.

“You trust me, right?” Danielle asked carefully- eyes peeking out in-between her fingers.

Haerin almost laughed.

Danielle looked more uncertain now, as if she finally realized she might have crossed a line, “Forget it,” Danielle muttered quickly. “Actually, forget I said anything.”

Haerin should have let the conversation die. Instead she asked, “What exactly are you asking?”

Danielle groaned loudly, “I hate you.”

“No, answer me.”

Danielle stared at the floor. Then took a deep breath, she began to speak, slowly, carefully.

“Maybe…” Danielle began. “I was thinking- maybe you could help me practice? Practice kissing.”

The words settled between them.

Haerin felt her heartbeat stutter. She understood immediately that this was a terrible idea.

A genuinely catastrophic idea.

The sort of decision that left people lying awake at three in the morning questioning every choice they’d ever made.

She also understood, with humiliating clarity, that if Danielle asked her again she would probably still say yes.

Because Danielle was looking at her with that familiar hopeful expression. Danielle trusted her.

And Haerin loved her, painfully so

And because love, unfortunately, had a habit of making intelligent people incredibly stupid.

“Haerin?” Danielle asked quietly.

Haerin closed her eyes briefly- long enough to recognize the mistake, but not long enough to avoid making it.

When she opened them again, Danielle was still waiting.

Still hopeful.

Haerin exhaled slowly, then she looked directly at the person who was going to break her heart.

“You’re ridiculous,” Haerin said softly.

Relief immediately flooded Danielle’s face, “But that’s not a no?” Danielle asked hopefully.

Haerin felt something inside her sink- “It’s not a no,” Haerin admitted.

The smile that appeared on Danielle’s face was bright enough to hurt.

———————————

The worst part, Haerin decided later, wasn't saying yes.

It was the waiting afterward.

The conversation should have ended the moment she agreed. Logically, Danielle should have either immediately changed the subject out of embarrassment or laughed it off entirely and decided the idea was too ridiculous to actually go through with. Haerin spent the rest of that evening hoping one of those things would happen. Instead, Danielle became strangely quiet. Every few minutes she would glance in Haerin's direction before quickly looking away again.

 It was subtle enough that most people probably wouldn't have noticed it, but Haerin noticed everything when it came to Danielle. She noticed every shift in expression, every nervous smile, every time Danielle opened her mouth as though she wanted to say something before thinking better of it. By the time Haerin finally left for home, neither of them had mentioned the subject again, but the silence surrounding it somehow felt louder than any conversation they could have had.

That night was miserable.

Haerin spent hours staring at her ceiling, replaying the entire interaction over and over again. Every version of the future seemed equally terrible. In one version, Danielle realized how strange the idea was and pretended the conversation had never happened. In another version, Danielle actually followed through with it, which somehow felt even worse. Haerin couldn't decide which outcome scared her more.

She knew herself well enough to understand what would happen if it did. One kiss would become ten. Ten would become a hundred. Every tiny gesture would begin to mean far more to her than it should. She would start inventing hope where none existed. She would begin searching for hidden feelings inside every smile Danielle gave her. The situation was dangerous because a part of Haerin already wanted to believe. She already spent enough time imagining impossible things. Giving those fantasies something tangible to hold onto felt like a disaster waiting to happen.

The next day Danielle texted her at eleven in the morning.

Can you come over?

The message sat on Haerin's screen for nearly a minute.

Then another text appeared.

Please?

A third arrived immediately afterward.

I’m home alone.

Haerin stared at her phone- she already knew exactly what this was about. Despite that, she still replied.

I’ll be there in 5.

The weather was warm enough that afternoon for people to leave their windows open. As Haerin walked through Danielle's neighborhood, she could hear distant lawnmowers, barking dogs, and music drifting from open garages. Everything looked normal. Ordinary. It felt strange that the world continued moving exactly as it always had when Haerin felt as though she were marching directly toward her own execution. She kept hoping the nervousness would fade before she reached Danielle's house.

It didn't.

Danielle opened the front door before Haerin even knocked.

"Hi," Danielle said immediately.

"Hi."

For several seconds they simply stared at each other

Then Danielle stepped aside.

Neither of them mentioned why Haerin was there. And somehow, it made everything worse.

They eventually ended up in Danielle's bedroom, falling into familiar routines almost automatically. Danielle sat on her bed. Haerin sat on the floor. A disney princess movie played quietly in the background, neither of them paying attention to whatever movie happened to be on the screen. The room itself felt exactly the same as it always had, the posters on the walls hadn't changed, the string lights still hung above Danielle's desk. A pile of blankets remained tossed carelessly in the corner.

Nothing looked different, but it sure as hell felt different.

Danielle was the one who finally broke first.

"This is weird," Danielle said suddenly.

Haerin laughed, “Now you realize that?"

The roo suddenly felt much smaller. Outside, sunlight filtered through the curtains in pale golden stripes, and somewhere downstairs a clock ticked steadily while the television continued playing forgotten dialogue neither of them was paying attention to. Haerin became painfully aware of every detail around her—the way Danielle’s fingers tightened around the edge of the blanket in her lap, the way her breathing seemed slightly uneven, the faint scent of vanilla drifting from the candle sitting on her dresser, and most of all, the distance between them. It wasn’t much. Just enough to matter.

Neither of them moved at first. Then Danielle shifted closer, hesitant and careful, as though she was afraid Haerin might suddenly pull away if she moved too quickly. Haerin hated how violently her heart reacted. This wasn’t real, she reminded herself. This wasn’t romantic. This wasn’t a confession. This wasn’t the moment she’d secretly imagined during countless sleepless nights. Danielle wasn’t here because she wanted Haerin. Danielle was here because she wanted Minji. The reminder should have helped. Instead it only made the ache in her chest worse.

Danielle tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and looked down at her hands. Her cheeks were noticeably pink now. “This feels ridiculous,” Danielle admitted nervously.

“Agreed,” Haerin replied quietly.

“Are you nervous?” Danielle asked.

Haerin almost laughed at the question. “Obviously,” Haerin she said cooly, trying to seem less nervous.

Danielle blinked in surprise. “You are?”

“Danielle.”

“Right- right..”

The silence that followed felt heavier than any conversation they had shared before. Danielle smiled nervously, and Haerin returned it despite everything. Then Danielle’s laughter faded. Her smile softened. Something shifted between them, subtle but undeniable. The atmosphere became quieter, more fragile. Danielle lifted her eyes and met Haerin’s gaze fully, and for a second the rest of the room seemed to disappear.

“You’re my best friend, It shouldn’t be weird.” Danielle whispered, barely audible- as if she was hyping herself up.

Then Danielle moved, It wasn’t dramatic. It wasn’t rushed. She simply leaned forward.

The space between them vanished.

And then she kissed her.

It was brief. Gentle. Awkward in the way first kisses often were. There was nothing cinematic about it. No fireworks. No dramatic declarations. Just a soft, hesitant press of lips before Danielle immediately pulled away again.

Both of them froze.

Haerin could hear her own heartbeat.

The kiss had lasted only seconds, but it felt as though something fundamental inside her had shifted. Not because of what had happened. Because of what it meant to her. Because she had spent years wanting something she could never have, and now she had finally experienced a tiny piece of it under circumstances that somehow made it hurt even more.

Danielle’s eyes widened slightly, “Oh,” Danielle said quietly.

That was it.

Just one word.

Oh.

Haerin looked away first- “Yeah,” Haerin replied.

Another silence settled between them. Then Danielle suddenly laughed and buried her face in her hands, “Oh my god,” Danielle groaned embarrassedly.

Haerin forced herself to smile. “What’s so funny? Am I that bad of a kisser?”

“Was that okay?” Danielle asked- completely ignoring Haerin’s question.

The question hurt more than the kiss itself.

Danielle wasn’t asking what Haerin felt.

Danielle was asking if Minji would like it.

Haerin knew that immediately, she knew everything at this point.

“It was fine,” Haerin answered.

“Fine?” Danielle repeated.

“You didn’t headbutt me.”

Danielle laughed again, lighter this time.

“That’s considered a positive.”

The nervousness visibly melted from Danielle’s shoulders. Relief replaced it. She looked lighter somehow, as though a problem she’d been worrying about for weeks had finally been solved. Watching it happen made Haerin’s chest ache. The kiss had meant everything and nothing at the same time.

Then Danielle smiled, completely unaware of the damage she was causing.

“So,” Danielle said eagerly, leaning forward, “do you think Minji would like that?”

The moment Haerin had been dreading from the second Danielle first suggested this entire idea. If this was a corny gacha life story, her face would turn purple.

Danielle had just kissed her, and yet- she was already thinking about someone else.

Not because she was heartless- but simply because, in Danielle’s mind, this had never been about Haerin at all.

Haerin looked at her best friend. At the girl who trusted her with everything. At the girl she loved so much that sometimes it physically hurt. Danielle’s eyes were shining with nervous excitement as she waited for an answer, completely oblivious to the storm raging beneath Haerin’s calm expression.

And somehow, ignoring the burning ache in her chest- Haerin still smiled.

“Yeah,” Haerin said softly. “I think she would.”

The grin that spread across Danielle’s face was immediate, “Really?”

“Really.”

“Oh thank god,” Danielle laughed. “I was worried I completely embarrassed myself.”

Haerin’s smile stayed in place- she had gotten very good at that.

“You’re fine.”

Danielle relaxed against the bed, looking genuinely relieved now, and immediately began rambling about Minji again- about what might happen if she ever actually got a date, about how embarrassing it would be if she messed something up, about whether Minji even liked her back in the first place. Haerin listened because she always listened. She nodded when she was supposed to nod. She answered when Danielle asked questions. She laughed at the right moments. To anyone watching, everything would have looked completely normal.

But something had changed, because now Haerin knew exactly how dangerous this was. How dangerous Danielle was.

————————————

The next morning felt wrong.

Haerin realized it the moment she opened her eyes.

Nothing had actually changed. Her room looked the same. The weather outside looked the same, and the alarm clock sounded exactly as annoying as it always did. But there was an uncomfortable heaviness sitting in her chest that hadn't been there before. She spent most of the morning moving through her routine on autopilot, getting dressed, brushing her teeth, packing her bag, all while trying very hard not to think about the previous afternoon. Unfortunately, not thinking about it proved impossible. Every quiet moment allowed the memory to creep back in. Danielle's nervous smile. The silence beforehand. The brief press of their lips.

That last part was what stuck with her the most.

The thing that had taken every hopeful thought and crushed it before it could grow into something dangerous.

By the time lunch arrived, Haerin was exhausted despite the day barely being half over.

She spotted Hanni immediately upon entering the cafeteria. Hanni was sitting at their usual table near the windows, absentmindedly poking at a container of fruit while scrolling through her phone. The moment she looked up and noticed Haerin approaching, her eyebrows rose.

That wasn't a good sign.

Hanni only made that face when she sensed drama. And unfortunately for Haerin, Hanni was usually right.

Haerin slid into the seat across from her and immediately focused on opening her drink.

“Damn bruh, you’re really still buying this crappy food?” Hanni giggled, poking at Haerin’s sandwich.

“I’m broke.” Haerin mumbled bluntly.

“What’s that? That word isn’t in my vocabulary, get your money up not your funny up Haerin. You know- my dentist said I’ve been grinding in my sleep. I told her, ‘Sorry Ms. Doctor, GRINDISLIFE!’”

“God, just shut up…”

"Not sitting with Dani today?" Hanni teased, changing the subject and snickering lightly as she put her phone down.

Haerin’s shoulders tensed and her jaw clenched, she jabbed her mystery meat sandwich with more force than necessary.

“Oh, something happen between you guys?” Hanni hummed, sensing Haerin tense up when Danielle was mentioned

“I- I wouldn’t say something happened to us.. It’s more of a me problem.” Haerin grumbled.

“Oh yeah?” Hanni hummed, “What’s up with you then?”

Years of friendship had made it almost impossible to hide anything significant from her. Hanni might not know the details yet, but she could already tell something was wrong. Worse, she looked interested now.

Now, Hanni and Haerin had been friends ever since they met at freshman orientation, and Haerin knew Hanni had heart eyes for a specific Kim. So, was it morally wrong to tell her about Danielle liking Minji? Probably, Nietzsche would be disappointed- But they would be in the same boat.

“You know..” Haerin paused, swallowing her food- she leaned in closer, whispering. “You know how I like.. Danielle, right?”

Hanni hummed in acknowledgement, shaking her head.

“She likes somebody.. and that somebody isn’t me.” Haerin mumbled with a somber tone.

Hanni’s eyes widened, “What!? Anybody would’ve thought that she’s down bad for you! I’ve seen the way that she looks at yo-“

Haerin cut her off, “Yeah- but she also looks at Minji like that, Hanni.”

Hanni was silent at the mention of Minji. Danielle? Look at Minji? The same way she looks at Haerin? The puzzle pieces took a minute but they slowly clicked in her mind, “HOLY SHI-“

“Shut up!”

“Sorry, sorry... but Danielle likes Minji?” Hanni groaned, her palm hitting her forehead dramatically- “Fuck! I definitely don’t have a chance with her now!”

“With Danielle or Minji?”

“Fuck off, man.”

Haerin laughed, ever so slightly easing up the tension she was feeling in her body.

“How bad is it?" Hanni asked gently, her eyes softening.

Haerin looked down at her lunch.

How exactly was she supposed to explain years of feelings she'd never intended to tell anyone about?

How was she supposed to explain that Danielle occupied so much space in her heart that sometimes she couldn't imagine what life would look like without her?

How was she supposed to explain yesterday?

"Bad, really bad- the worst part is that she's still my favorite person," Haerin admitted quietly.

Hanni didn't say anything.

Haerin continued staring at the table- “Even when she's talking about Minji," Haerin said softly. "Even when she's making me feel insane. Even when I know I'm being stupid."

“So, what happened yesterday?”

“What? How did you kno-“

“I’m on Danielle’s close friends, she posted a photo of you and her watching tv on her story.”

Haerin’s eyes wandered the cafeteria, out the window- then back onto the table before she began.

“Hypothetically," Haerin began carefully.

Hanni immediately groaned.

"Shit..”

"This is hypothetical!”

"Whenever someone says hypothetically, it's never hypothetical."

Haerin ignored her, “Hypothetically, if your best friend had a crush on someone."

Hanni's eyes narrowed, “Yeah, I know that part- And?"

"And hypothetically she wanted practice kissing."

Haerin’s words hit Hanni instantly, her jaw dropped- then dropped even further.

Hanni stared at her in complete disbelief, “You kissed her?"

The words sounded absurd spoken aloud- and Haerin wished they didn't make her heart race.

Across the table, Hanni looked as though she had just witnessed a car crash.

"Just a little."

"A little?"

"It wasn't a lot."

"You either kissed someone or you didn't."

Haerin buried her face in her hands.

“Dude, you are so fucked.”

For a moment Hanni simply studied her. Really studied her. Not the way most people looked at Haerin, but the way a close friend did when they were trying to figure out how much damage had already been done.

Unfortunately, the answer was probably a lot.

"Haerin," Hanni said quietly, "Can I be honest?"

Haerin laughed weakly, “Am I not going to like what you're about to say?"

"Probably."

Hanni leaned back in her chair and folded her arms, the cafeteria noise faded into the background as she spoke.

"I think you're confusing being needed with being loved." She blurted.

The words landed harder than Haerin expected and immediately, she looked away.

"You know that's not fair," Haerin muttered.

"I know."

"Then why say it?"

"Because I think someone needs to."

Haerin stared down at her lunch, it was no use her appetite had completely disappeared- replaced by the churning feeling deep in her gut.

Across from her, Hanni sighed,  “Look- I'm not saying Danielle doesn't care about you," Hanni continued more gently. "She obviously does. Everybody knows she does."

Haerin swallowed, “Then what's the problem?"

"The problem is that caring about someone and loving them aren't always the same thing."

Haerin hated how reasonable it sounded, she hated that Hanni wasn't wrong. Most of all, she hated that hearing it aloud made the truth harder to ignore.

For years she'd built careful walls around her feelings. Not because she expected Danielle to love her back, but because not acknowledging reality made it easier to survive. As long as she didn't examine things too closely, she could continue pretending the situation wasn't hopeless.

Because now there was something real attached to the fantasy.

Something she could replay over and over in her head.

"I know she doesn't like me back," Haerin said quietly.

Hanni's expression softened, “Yeah- but I don't think you really do."

Haerin looked up.

"I think logically you know it," Hanni replied. "But mentally?" She shook her head.

"I don't think you've accepted it."

Haerin didn't answer- the silence between them itself was enough.

Hanni continued, voice gentle and careful.

"Tell me honestly. When she asked you to practice kissing her, what was the first thing you thought?"

“I don’t.. don’t remember.”

"Haerin."

"I don't know."

"That's a lie."

Haerin sighed, and then finally- she admitted it.

"For a second," Haerin mumbled quietly, "I thought maybe, maybe I had a chance.”

Hanni sighed, “Haerin, I know this is gonna be hard- But you have to set boundaries with Danielle. If you keep saying yes and following her every beck and call like a dog- You’re gonna keep thinking she loves you, when in reality- she’s using you, she needs you. Needing and loving somebody is different.”

“What if.. what if I want her to need me?”

“You’re just gonna end up hurt.”

“I would rather she need me than hate me- if I confessed to her. I would let Danielle practice on me, Hanni- willingly. Even if it mean’s she’s gonna be doing that to somebody else. I would let myself get hurt, if it mean’s I can stay by Danielle’s side- Hell, I’m already doing it!”

Hanni stared at her for a long moment after that, the noise of the cafeteria fading into the background. Around them, trays clattered against tables, students laughed too loudly at jokes that weren’t that funny, chairs scraped against the floor, but Haerin could barely hear any of it. Her own words seemed to hang between them, heavy and embarrassing now that they had been spoken aloud.

Hanni’s expression softened- somehow making everything worse.

“Haerin,” Hanni said quietly, folding her arms on top of the table. “Do you hear yourself?”

Haerin looked away immediately, her gaze settling on the unfinished carton of milk sitting beside her lunch. “I know how it sounds.”

“No, I don’t think you do.”

Haerin swallowed.

“You just told me you’re willing to let someone hurt you as long as they don’t leave.”

The words landed harder when somebody else said them.

For a second, Haerin couldn’t answer. Her fingers tightened around the plastic fork in her hand until it bent slightly.

“It’s not like that.”

“It is exactly like that.”

Haerin let out a small, humorless laugh.

“You don’t understand.”

“Then explain it to me.”

The challenge was gentle. That somehow made it impossible.

Because how was she supposed to explain Danielle?

How was she supposed to explain the way her entire day brightened whenever Danielle texted her? The way a single compliment from Danielle could keep her smiling for hours? The way she could spend weeks convincing herself that she was getting over her only for Danielle to casually sling an arm around her shoulders and destroy every bit of progress she’d made?

How was she supposed to explain the feeling of being chosen, even temporarily?

The feeling of being wanted, even if it wasn’t in the way she wanted?

“I just…” Haerin stared down at the table. “When she talks to me like that, when she asks me for help, when she tells me things she doesn’t tell other people…”

“That makes you feel special, doesn’t it.”

Haerin nodded.

“Because she’s your favorite person.”

Haerin nodded again.

“But tell me, Haerin- are you hers?”

Haerin’s head snapped up, “Hanni- “

“Are you?” She pushed.

The answer should’ve came naturally to her, they’ve been friends since Elementary, been through everything together- But from the way Haerin heard Danielle talk about Minji, she wasn’t sure anymore.

“Look,” she said. “I’m not telling you to stop loving her.”

Haerin lowered her head.

“I’m telling you that loving somebody shouldn’t mean sacrificing yourself.”

Before Haerin could reply the bell rang, dismissing them. Hanni leaned over and took Haerin’s hands in her own before she could stand, squeezing them and smiling.

“You got this, Haerin.”

Outside the cafeteria windows, the afternoon sunlight spilled across the campus lawns, students wandering between buildings as if Haerin’s world wasn’t ending.

————————————

Haerin was walking home peacefully once school got out, nodding her head to the rhythm of the song she was listening to- when her phone buzzed.

Danielle’s contact name showed up,

Can u come over?

Have to talk to u abt something.

I’m home alone.

Haerin’s stomach dropped as she read it- but she dashed over there anyways.

Danielle’s house was quiet like it always was on weekday afternoons. The television murmured faintly somewhere downstairs, forgotten background noise from her parents, while sunlight spilled through the bedroom windows in long golden strips that stretched across the carpet. Haerin sat at the foot of Danielle’s bed with her hands folded tightly in her lap, staring down at the loose thread she was worrying between her fingers.

It had been three days since the first kiss.

Three days since Danielle had leaned forward with nervous laughter and said, “Just to practice, okay?”

Three days since Haerin’s entire world had shifted while Danielle seemed perfectly unchanged.

Danielle, meanwhile, was sprawled on her stomach across the bed, kicking her feet absentmindedly behind her as she scrolled through her phone. Every few seconds she would grin at something, type rapidly, then delete it all.

Haerin already knew who she was texting.

Minji.

The thought settled heavily in her chest.

“Okay,” Danielle suddenly announced.

Haerin looked up, “Huh?”

Danielle rolled onto her side and sat up. “We should probably talk about this.”

Immediately, Haerin knew what this was.

“The kissing thing,” Danielle clarified.

“Right.”

Danielle laughed awkwardly and rubbed the back of her neck, “Cause... it’s kinda weird.”

Haerin forced a smile, “Yeah.”

Weird.

That was one word for it.

Life-changing was another.

Danielle shifted closer, crossing her legs. “I just-just don’t want things to get weird between us.”

Haerin almost laughed, too late.

Things were already weird.

She had spent three nights replaying a ten-second kiss in perfect detail while Danielle was apparently drafting texts to another girl.

“What kind of rules?” Haerin asked quietly.

Danielle brightened immediately, as if relieved Haerin wasn’t making this difficult.

“Just some ground rules, nothing too crazy.”

That should have been reassuring, instead Haerin’s chest tightened.

Danielle held up one finger, “First rule.”

“No feelings.”

The words landed like a punch- yet Danielle said them casually. Almost playfully. What if Haerin... already had feelings?

“No feelings?” Haerin repeated, voice quiet.

“Yeah.” Danielle nodded.

“Like, obviously we’re best friends and everything, but this is just practice.” Danielle hummed.

Just practice, huh? Haerin stared at the floor.

Danielle continued talking, completely oblivious to Haerin’s inner turmoil. “I don’t want either of us getting confused.”

Haerin swallowed. She had been confused for years, long before the kissing started, long before Danielle ever developed a crush on Minji, long before she’d become the person Danielle ran to for everything.

“Right, I understand” Haerin managed, forcing a weak smile.

Danielle smiled, “Good.”

The knot in Haerin’s chest tightened.

Danielle raised a second finger- “Rule number two.”

“We don’t tell anybody,” Danielle laughed nervously.

“Can you imagine Hanni finding out?”

Actually, Haerin could. Thinking back to their conversation earlier, the irony couldn’t get worse.

Hanni would probably take one look at the situation and immediately tell her to stop letting Danielle break her heart.

Well, she already did- But Haerin’s already here, guess she didn’t exactly listen to Hanni’s advice.

“She’d never let me live it down,” Danielle continued.

Haerin nodded weakly, “Okay.”

“No one can know, got it?”

“Affirmative!”

Then came the third finger, “Rule number three.”

“If either of us gets uncomfortable, we stop.”

That one, at least, sounded reasonable- Except Haerin was already uncomfortable. She had been uncomfortable the moment Danielle asked. Uncomfortable when her brain had gone autopilot and she had said yes, uncomfortable every time she remembered how Danielle’s palm had briefly rested against her jaw.

But she’d never admit that- Because uncomfortable wasn’t the right word.

The right word was devastated.

“Fair enough,” Haerin said.

Danielle smiled.

“See? Easy.”

Easy? Psh, maybe for Danielle.

The room suddenly felt too warm.

Danielle flopped backward onto the mattress dramatically, “I’m super glad we talked about it.”

Haerin watched her stare up at the ceiling.

“So now it’s normal.”

Nothing about this felt normal. Hell, nothing about this was normal.

Danielle turned her head to face Haerin, “Whacha lookin at?

Haerin hadn’t realized she’d been staring, “Nothing- just thinking about homework.” She conjured up a lie quickly.

Danielle narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

“You know you’re the only person I could ask, right?”

The comment should have made her happy, instead it hurt.

Because Haerin knew exactly what Danielle meant.

You’re safe.

Safe enough to practice on.

Safe enough to use.

Safe enough to assume she’d always say yes.

Danielle smiled warmly, “I trust you- Haerin.”

Haerin would have done almost anything for Danielle- and Danielle trusted that, a little bit too much.

The room had fallen quiet. Outside the window, late afternoon sunlight stretched across the floorboards, turning everything gold. Danielle was still smiling faintly from whatever message she'd received earlier. Haerin hated that she knew exactly why. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she wondered what it would be like if Danielle has ever looked that happy because of her.

Haerin sat at the edge of the bed, fiddling with her hands anxiously.

Danielle eventually sat up and tucked one leg beneath herself. "Sooo,” she said, drawing the word out nervously, "about the practicing thing."

Haerin's pulse immediately sped up, “What about it?"

Danielle picked at a loose thread on one of her pillows. For what seemed like the nth time in the past 3 days, she seemed uncertain. Usually she talked through every thought the second it entered her head, but now she was struggling to find the words. "I just think..." She laughed awkwardly. "I think maybe if we're going to do this, we should actually do it properly."

Haerin nervously looked away before her expression could betray anything. "Properly?"

"Uh- uh.. not in a weird way, of course.” Danielle sputtered quickly. "I mean, we've already agreed it's just practice. But if I'm gonna completely panic every time I talk to Minji, I should probably stop being so nervous first."

Haerin wanted to point out that repeatedly practicing wasn't likely to solve Danielle's actual problem. Her problem wasn't confidence. Her problem was that she spent so much time imagining the perfect future that she became terrified of ruining it. But Haerin already knew that wasn't really what Danielle wanted to hear.

Haerin exhaled slowly, relieved. "Okay."

Neither of them moved.

The silence returned.

Haerin could hear the faint hum of the air conditioner downstairs and the occasional sound of a car passing outside. She was painfully aware of every second ticking by. Part of her wished Danielle would change her mind, push their bodies away from each other. Another part desperately hoped she wouldn't.

Danielle finally glanced toward her.

"You know," she said softly, "you're making this look way less awkward than it feels."

If only she knew.

Inside, Haerin felt like she was balancing on the edge of something dangerous. Every instinct was on red alert, telling her to put distance between them. Every instinct told her that continuing this was a terrible idea. But with Danielle looking at her with complete trust, completely unaware of the storm she'd created.

"I'm just trying not to overthink it," Haerin replied nonchalantly.

"Teach me your ways."

Haerin smiled faintly.

If Danielle had any idea how much thinking she did about her, she would never say that.

For a moment, neither of them spoke. The nervous energy that had filled the room earlier slowly softened into something quieter. Familiar. Comfortable. That was the problem with Danielle. Even when she accidentally broke Haerin's heart, she still felt like home.

Danielle shifted slightly closer.

"Still okay?" she asked.

The question was innocent, the answer wasn't.

Haerin looked at her best friend and felt the same ache she'd been carrying for years. The answer should have been no. No, she wasn't okay. No, this wasn't fair. No, she didn't want to spend her afternoons helping the person she loved prepare for somebody else.

But Danielle wasn't asking any of those questions.

She was simply asking whether Haerin wanted to leave or not.

And unfortunately, Haerin never seemed capable of leaving.

"Yeah," she mumbled quietly.

Danielle smiled- before leaning in carefully. Breathing and the steady beating of their hearts were the only thing audible to Haerin- Danielle was so close, so painstakingly close. Haerin couldn’t feel the warmth of the room, because all she could feel was Danielle, everywhere.

Danielle smiles, centimeters away from Haerin’s lips, “Can I?”

“J-just.. just once.”

“Don’t kill me for this, Kang.”

Danielle’s gaze lingered on her lips, then flicked to her eyes, searching for permission. Haerin didn’t speak-she didn’t need to. The moment stretched, fragile and infinite, until he leaned in, and the distance between them dissolved like mist in sunlight.

Danielle’s lips are softer than before, like she had prepared for this moment. To Haerin, they might as well be the softest thing in the world- soft like fresh snow after the season’s first snowfall. The kiss was like biting into cotton candy and letting it dissolve in your mouth- it was sweet, effortlessly sweet.

Haerin broke it for a split second, still so close to Danielle their lips just barely touched. Danielle looked like a kicked puppy when Haerin broke it, whispering against her lips- “Just one more?”

Haerin’s chest heaved up and down, her heart racing, “Just one more.”

They reconnected again, this time desperately, sloppy- their heartbeats beating in sync with one another as the distance between them disappeared. Danielle’s hand wrapped around Haerin’s waist, the other on her neck, tangling itself in her jet-black hair, she let herself get lost in the kiss- her eyes fluttering closed before deepening it.

Haerin’s eyes widened ever so slightly at the touch, goosebumps forming on her skin- she let herself give in, give in before this moment was gone. Haerin’s hands came up, tugging at Danielle’s collar, pulling the two of them impossibly close. Danielle bit on Haerin’s bottom lip- earning the girl a gentle whine.

The curly haired girl was kissing Haerin so desperately- that her entire body was curving into Haerin’s like two puzzle pieces sliding together perfectly, like they were made for each other. Danielle’s hand found its spot on the small of Haerin’s back, fingertips pressing into the hem of her shirt as if asking for permission to slide under.

Haerin eventually broke it, she didn’t want to, but her own biology prevented that- saliva strings connecting their lips as she pulled apart, breathing heavily.

“That was..” she mumbled, her voice raspy.

As if Danielle snapped out of a daze, she retracted her hands from Haerin’s body just as fast as they had appeared- her fingers slid out of her hair, hand unwrapping itself from the curve of her back.

“Good?” Danielle asked, smiling now- lips a darker shade then they were before.

“Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

Haerin looked away first, rubbing the back of her neck where Danielle’s hand was pressed into desperately moments before- the sensation of her soft skin on her neck leaving a burning feeling, one Haerin wanted to chase.

“Oh- sorry about...”

“No, it’s... it’s fine- you’re good.” Haerin stammered, suddenly finding interest on the posters lining the rooms walls.

“Haerin, look at me.” Danielle urged gently, a slight rasp in her voice.

Haerin begrudgingly turned to look at Danielle and darn, did she look beautiful. The kiss had left her cheeks flushed, pupils dilated and her hair messed up, Haerin wanted to engrave the image into her mind.

Damn Kim Minji for getting to see this too.

“Yes...?” Haerin muttered, mouth slightly parted as she was left star-struck

“Was that better than last time? I think Minji would like what I did there... do you think so?” Danielle blabbered, mind already off Haerin- the girl she was swapping spit with a minute ago.

A tiny selfish voice in the back of her mind was asking why she always had to help Danielle chase someone else- but Danielle was looking at her the way she always did when she needed advice.

The rules hadn’t changed anything.

Danielle still liked Minji- and still saw Haerin as her best friend.

And no matter how many times Danielle kissed her in the future, she’d probably still be thinking about someone else.

Haerin cleared her throat and looked away yet again- too cowardly to meet Danielle’s eyes when she was talking about Minji, suddenly fascinated by the pattern on the carpet. The air between them felt awkward now, heavier than before.

Danielle laughed nervously. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what? I’m not even looking at you.” Haerin scoffed,

“Like I just asked you to solve a math problem.”

Haerin let out a small laugh. “Maybe because you keep asking for my opinion on things I’m not qualified to judge.”

“That’s not true,” Danielle whined, nudging her shoulder. “You always give good advice.”

The comment landed harder than Danielle probably intended. Haerin folded her hands together and stared at them for a moment.

“Not always.” Haerin muttered, voice faltering

“Yes- always.” Danielle assured her.

Danielle said it so casually, so confidently, that Haerin almost believed her.

A comfortable silence settled between them once again. Danielle leaned back against the headboard and sighed.

“I’m still nervous, you know.”

“About Minji?”

Danielle nodded.

Haerin already knew the answer before she asked but hearing it out loud still stung.

“What if she doesn’t like me back?” Danielle asked quietly.

Haerin looked at her best friend and saw something vulnerable there beneath all the confidence and excitement. For a second, her own feelings seemed less important than that. God, Haerin- Get it together! PUT YOU FIRST!

“You won’t know unless you tell her,” Haerin advised.

Danielle smiled faintly. “That sounds like something Hanni would say.”

“Maybe cause Hanni is smarter than both of us.”

Danielle laughed, and the tension in the room finally eased. Haerin smiled too, though hers didn’t quite reach her eyes. She wondered if Danielle would ever realize how much courage it took for her to keep sitting here, listening to conversations like this, pretending everything was normal.

————————————

The lines were starting to get blurry for both Haerin and Danielle.

They began to ‘Practice’ more often, almost every day after school was over- Haerin would rush to Danielle’s house.

And after every ‘practice’ session, Haerin would have to critique Danielle and tell her what to improve for next time or sometimes help her memorize pickup lines or gifts to give to Minji.

For Minji, Haerin would remind herself

Not for you.

Haerin was digging her own grave at this point.

Yet - The worst part about being in love with Danielle wasn't the heartbreak itself. Haerin thought she could have survived the heartbreak if it had come all at once, sharp and clean and impossible to misunderstand. Instead, it came in small pieces scattered throughout ordinary days, hidden inside conversations that looked completely harmless to everyone else.

It came when Danielle smiled at her from across a classroom, when Danielle rested her head on her shoulder during long bus rides home, when Danielle texted her first thing in the morning and last thing before bed. The world saw two best friends who were inseparable, and maybe that was what made everything hurt so much.

Nobody could see that every affectionate gesture felt like both a gift and a punishment.

Danielle and Haerin were sat on Danielle’s bed, scrolling through their own respective phones aimlessly. Haerin could feel Danielle's mood shifting with every passing second, could practically hear the gears turning inside her head. After years of friendship, she had learned how to read Danielle almost instinctively. Unfortunately, that meant she already knew exactly what was bothering her before she even spoke.

"I just don't get it," Danielle complained dramatically, letting her phone fall onto the mattress beside her before burying her face in a pillow. Her voice came out muffled and frustrated, carrying the tone of somebody convinced they were experiencing a tragedy.

Haerin smiled faintly. "Minji still hasn't replied?" she questioned knowingly, lifting her gaze from her phone and directing it toward Danielle.

Danielle immediately lifted her head from the pillow and pointed at Haerin accusingly. "See, that's exactly what I mean," Danielle said with an exasperated groan. "The fact that you knew who I was talking about proves this has become a serious problem."

"All It proves you've been talking about her nonstop for weeks," Haerin replied dryly, though her voice remained gentle enough to soften the teasing.

The words earned a dramatic gasp from Danielle, who pressed a hand against her chest as though personally wounded by the observation.

"I can't believe you're attacking me during my time of need," Danielle declared dramatically before flopping back onto the mattress. "I'm dying here, Haerin!”

Haerin laughed quietly, the sound escaping before she could stop it. For a moment, she forgot about the ache that always accompanied conversations like this. She forgot that every mention of Minji served as a reminder that Danielle's heart was occupied by somebody else. This was the dangerous thing about Danielle. She could make Haerin laugh even while breaking her heart.

Danielle grabbed her phone again and stared at the screen with narrowed eyes.

"It's been six hours," Danielle said miserably.

"Six whole hours. Do you think she hates me?"

“No," Haerin answered immediately.

"You didn't even think about it."

“Because the answer is no."

Danielle rolled onto her side to look at her. "How are you so sure?" Danielle asked curiously, her earlier dramatics fading into something softer.

Haerin hesitated briefly. The honest answer was that she couldn't imagine anybody disliking Danielle. Danielle was kind and funny and endlessly easy to love, which unfortunately happened to be the source of most of Haerin's problems.

Instead, she settled for a safer response, “Because nobody ignores a text for six hours because they hate someone," Haerin explained patiently. "People have lives."

Danielle narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "You're being reasonable again."

"Somebody has to be the reasonable one between us.”

Danielle grinned- the sight of it sent a familiar warmth spreading through Haerin's chest. It was embarrassing how much power a simple smile still held over her after all this time. You would think she would have gotten used to it by now. You would think her heart would have learned its lesson.

The conversation drifted naturally after that, moving through half a dozen unrelated topics as the afternoon stretched lazily onward around them. They complained about school, discussed a movie Danielle wanted to watch, and spent several minutes arguing over which snack was objectively superior. It was comfortable, yet beneath that comfort, Haerin carried the constant awareness that she was pretending.

Eventually the conversation faded into... you guessed it! Silence. Danielle sat with her back against the headboard, absentmindedly twisting her phone between her hands while staring out the window. Haerin focused on a loose thread hanging from the sleeve of her sweater, though her attention remained fixed on Danielle. The silence lingered for nearly a minute before Danielle suddenly cleared her throat. The small sound immediately drew Haerin's attention, and the nervous expression on Danielle's face made something tighten inside her gut.

"Can I ask you something?" Danielle asked carefully, avoiding eye contact for reasons Haerin already understood.

Haerin's stomach dropped. She already knew what was coming. Somehow she always knew.

"Sure," Haerin replied quietly, trying to sound calmer than she felt.

Danielle hesitated for another second before finally looking at her. "Can we practice again?" Danielle asked softly.

And despite knowing she should probably say no, despite understanding that every practice session only made things harder, Haerin found herself giving the same answer she always gave.

"Okay," Haerin replied gently.

Danielle visibly relaxed, smiling in relief as though she had expected Haerin’s answer to be different.

She shifted closer, close enough for Haerin to see every little detail in Danielle’s perfect face.

They had practiced so many times now- that there was a familiarity to it. A routine even, the first few times- neither of them knew where to look, or put there hands. The familiarity should have made Haerin less nervous, but all it did was make her even more jittery.

“You ready?” Danielle mumbled against her lips.

Haerin nodded, eyes shaking.

It was delicate, softer than the 2nd time they had kissed. Danielle began to deepen it, her hands sliding into their usual place around Haerin’s waist. Haerin leaned into the kiss, her eyes fluttering closed while her arms wrapped lazily around Danielle’s neck.

Danielle’s hands gripped tightly on the fabric of Haerin’s shirt, and for a moment she broke the kiss, their eyes fluttered open, panting, cheeks flushed and breathless, for a moment they made eye contact. Wordlessly, they reconnected- sloppier this time.

Danielle bit back a moan, feeling Haerin’s tongue prodding at the entrance of her mouth- asking for permission. Danielle sucked on Haerin’s bottom lip, before allowing her tongue entry. Their tongues rolled over one each-other, and when Haerin sucked on Danielle’s tongue- she let out a loud whine, which ultimately shocked Haerin- breaking the heated kiss.

Haerin panted, “You...you, okay?”

“Yeah, hah... more than okay.”

Danielle looked away first, which was odd for her.

Haerin looked at her suspiciously, raising an eyebrow which Danielle caught just out of her peripheral vision.

“Sorry- I’m just... just thinking.”

“Thinking of Minji?”

For the first time, Danielle was unsure, hesitant. Her eyes flickered back to Haerin. The flushed, nervous look on her face- those adorable cat eyes- Danielle! Get it TOGETHER!

“Yeah, thinking of Minji.” She mumbled, but her eyes were stuck on the curve of Haerin’s cheek.

That night, Danielle lay awake staring at the ceiling of her bedroom, her blanket tangled loosely around her legs and her phone resting against her chest. The room was dark except for the faint glow of the screen and the soft orange light leaking in through the gap between her curtains from the streetlamp outside.

 Normally she liked the quiet of late nights. They gave her space to think. Tonight, however, her thoughts felt unusually restless, circling the same questions repeatedly without ever landing on an answer. Minji still hadn’t replied to the message she’d sent earlier, and under normal circumstances that would have been enough to completely consume her attention.

As she stared at the screen now, waiting for the familiar anxiety to settle in, she found herself distracted by something else entirely.

Her mind drifted back to the afternoon without her permission. The look on Haerin’s face after they kissed, the way she got closed off after mentioning Minji, the way she always seemed to know exactly what to say, somehow managing to calm Danielle down without making her feel stupid. Danielle huffed slightly and shifted onto her side, pulling the blanket higher over her shoulder. It was strange- she had spent months thinking about Minji. Weeks building her up in her head- and replaying every conversation. If anyone had asked Danielle who occupied her thoughts most often, the answer should have been obvious.

Tonight, whenever she tried to think about Minji, her thoughts kept wandering back toward Haerin instead.

Danielle let out a quiet sigh and rubbed her eyes. Maybe it wasn’t that weird. Haerin had become one of the most important people in her life. They spent nearly every day together. They texted constantly. Of course she was gonna think- about her a lot. Their BFFS! And best friends thought about each other. That’s normal.

The explanation should have settled the matter, but for some reason it didn’t. Instead, it only seemed to create more questions. Why did thinking about Haerin make her feel calmer? Why was she suddenly noticing things she’d never paid attention to before? Why had she spent the entire evening replaying random moments from the afternoon instead of obsessively checking her messages from Minji?

Unable to sleep, Danielle grabbed her phone again and unlocked it. The brightness made her squint. Her messaging app opened automatically to the conversation she’d checked countless times already that night. There was still nothing from Minji. The disappointment arrived, but it felt muted somehow, dulled around the edges. It wasn’t the sharp frustration she’d expected. Confused, Danielle found her thumb drifting almost absentmindedly across the screen until a different conversation opened. Haerin.

Immediately, years of message appeared in front of her. The sheer amount of them was ridiculous. There were photos from middle school that Danielle had forgotten existed, screenshots of inside jokes nobody else would understand, random observations sent at two in the morning, and entire conversations that stretched for hours about absolutely nothing. Danielle scrolled upward slowly, a smile tugging unconsciously at the corner of her mouth. There were so many memories packed into those messages that it felt almost impossible to imagine her life without them. Without Haerin.

The smile faded as quickly as it had appeared.

Danielle stared at the screen longer than necessary, her eyes tracing familiar messages she’d read dozens of times before. Why did looking at this conversation make her feel better? Why did the simple sight of Haerin’s name somehow ease a tension she hadn’t even realized she was carrying? The questions lingered in the darkness of her room, unanswered and unsettling. She tried to dismiss them, but they kept returning. Every explanation she came up with felt incomplete, as though she was missing a piece of a puzzle she didn’t even know she was trying to solve.

Then suddenly her phone buzzed.

Danielle nearly dropped it, her heart jumped so quickly it startled her.

Minji.

The name appeared on her screen, and for a brief moment all of Danielle’s previous worries vanished. She opened the message immediately, anticipation rushing through her. For months this had been what she wanted. The possibility of something real. The chance to spend time together outside of school. The chance to finally figure out whether all of her hopes had been leading somewhere.

Sorry for the late reply. Want to hang out this weekend?

Danielle stared at the message.

For a long moment, she didn’t move.

This should have been exciting. More than exciting. She had imagined this exact scenario countless times. In her imagination, she would immediately text back. She would be grinning uncontrollably. She would spend the rest of the night planning every detail and replaying the conversation over and over again. Instead, she found herself frozen beneath her blankets, staring at the screen with a strange sense of uncertainty settling in her chest.

She was happy.

She knew she was.

But the feeling wasn’t as simple as she’d expected.

Her gaze drifted back toward the conversation sitting just beneath Minji’s on her screen.

Haerin.

Then back to Minji.

Then Haerin again.

Danielle frowned.

For some reason, memories from earlier that day kept surfacing. The kisses, what if Minji wasn’t as good as kissing as Haerin was? The way she always seemed to understand what Danielle meant even when Danielle struggled to explain herself. Those thoughts shouldn’t have had anything to do with Minji’s message, yet they refused to leave.

Something felt different.

It was more like the subtle feeling that something had shifted slightly out of place without her noticing when it happened. A feeling she couldn’t explain, only sense- the uncertainty unsettled her because it challenged something she’d been so sure about for so long. She had spent weeks focusing on Minji, weeks spent believing she understood exactly what she wanted. Yet now, lying alone in the dark with the answer she’d been waiting for glowing on her screen, she found herself thinking about someone else entirely.

Danielle swallowed hard and stared at the ceiling again.

Minji’s invitation remained unanswered.

But somehow, impossibly, the person occupying her thoughts wasn’t Minji.

It was Haerin.

————————————

A week, a long.. long week that dragged on for what seemed like month.

Haerin had spent every day trying to convince herself that she wasn’t going to do it. Every morning she woke up with the same resolve. Every night of that week she repeated the same promise like a prayer. She wasn’t going to confess. She wasn’t going to make things complicated. She wasn’t going to destroy the friendship she had spent years protecting with both hands.

She had gotten so good at carrying her feelings in silence that sometimes she almost believed she could keep doing it forever.

Then Danielle texted her.

HAERIN! GUESS WHAT!??.?. I GOT A DATE WITH MINJI!!! ASKDBFBFFDKSNSB

9 words, and keyboard spam.

9 words that somehow felt like a knife sliding neatly between her ribs.

Before Haerin fully understood what she was doing, she found herself standing Danielle’s house. The late afternoon air was warm against her skin, but her hands were buried deep inside her jacket pockets anyway. Her heart was beating so hard it made her feel sick.

She almost left three separate times.

The first time was before she reached the porch.

The second time was after she reached it.

The third time was while her hand hovered over the doorbell.

Then the front door swung open.

“Hey, Haerin!” Danielle smiled brightly. “What are you doing here?”

Haerin almost forgot every sentence she had rehearsed in her bedroom.

Danielle looked so happy, excited to go to her date.

The kind of happy that came from getting exactly what you’d wanted.

Haerin almost didn’t want to say it, didn’t wanna ruin her night- but suddenly understood that if she didn’t say something now, she never would.

“Can we talk?” Haerin asked quietly, hands fidgeting in her pockets

The smile on Danielle’s face faltered.

A few minutes later they were sitting together on the back porch. The familiar space felt strangely foreign now, the duo had spent countless summer afternoons here over the years- talking about absolutely nothing until the sun disappeared. Haerin knew every creak in the wooden deck and every scratch on the railing like the back of her hand.

Haerin stared at the wooden deck beneath her feet- then stared down at her hands. If she left right now, she could still save herself. She could make up some excuse. Laugh it off. Pretend she had only come by to say hello.

Instead she took a breath- “I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

Danielle frowned, turning to look Haerin in the eye.

“Do what?”

Haerin let out a shaky laugh, gripping the armrest of the chair she sat on.

“All of it.”

The confusion on Danielle’s face only made this harder for her.

“You know-“ Haerin continued. “Helping you with your Minji, listening to you talk about her. Pretending everything is normal. Hell, I was even stupid enough to let you kiss me, multiple times.”

Danielle’s expression slowly changed- a flicker of surprise before slowly turning into concern, pity.

“Haerin…”

“No, let me finish.” Haerin shot- her voice louder than usual.

For once, she couldn’t stop the words.

Months of swallowing her feelings came rushing out at once.

“I tried really hard not to feel this way,” she admitted. “I thought eventually it would go away. I thought if I was patient enough, if I was a good enough friend, maybe I could just get over it.”

Haerin paused, the lump in her throat growing, it was harder to breathe- everything was blurry, it was overwhelming.

“A-and... and, do you ever think about how... all this is for me?”

Danielle had gone completely still.

“I love you, Danielle. I always have.” Haerin whispered- tears brimming at the edges of her eyes.

Months, years- even of unrequited love began to spill out of her eyes- the drops falling and staining her jacket.

“I... I know this is selfish of me... but- I want you, even though I already have you. I want to hold your hand in public, want you to look at me like how you look at Minji-“Haerin couldn’t stop, yet she was feeling like she was ruining everything between them.

“I want to really have you.” Haerin gasped out, everything was spinning around her, eyes stinging- voice breaking.

Haerin had imagined this moment a thousand times. In none of those versions Danielle looked so stunned, her pupils were blown- like a cornered animal.

“Oh.”

The single syllable slipped out before she could stop it.

“Haerin-” Danielle started carefully, leaning over concerned as Haerin began to cry.

“It’s… It’s okay-“Haerin bawled, waving off Danielle with her hand.

Danielle ran a hand through her hair.

“I didn’t know.”

“I know.”

“I never meant to hurt you.”

“You still hurt me.”

The next words took Danielle longer to say, and when they finally came out, she sounded almost guilty.

“I’m.. i’m really in love with her. With Minji.”

Haerin closed her wet eyes, a hand coming up to wipe her wet cheeks pathetically.

There it was.

The answer she’d spent weeks trying not to hear.

“I.. I know, I know you do. She’s everything I’m not, huh? Tall- outgoing, loud, social.. I always knew you would go for somebody like her.”

Danielle continued speaking, “Haerin- don’t.. don’t say that about yourself.”

“How can you love me unless you love yourself first?”  Danielle blurted, before instantly cupping her hand over her mouth.

The words were like a gunshot, Haerin could physically feel her heart tearing- could feel every fiber breaking. Her hand gripped tighter on the wooden armrest, and she worried she might actually tear it.

“I have never loved myself, but Danielle- I think.. I think I loved you so much I forgot what hating myself is like.”

“Haerin, I don’t- don’t know what to say..”

Haerin nodded.

But every word felt worse somehow. Neither of them spoke for a long time.

Eventually Danielle checked her phone.

The date.

Haerin stood up before she could change her mind.

“I should go.”

“Haerin, wait.”

“You should go, go on that date- Dani, for me- okay?” Haerin urged, forcing herself to smile. This time her voice was tired.

Danielle slowly stood as well, looking like she wanted to say something.

Instead she just nodded.

A few minutes later Danielle watched from the end of the driveway as Haerin’s car disappeared down the street.

Meanwhile, behind the wheel, Haerin gripped the steering wheel tighter than necessary.

Danielle should have been thinking about her date.

About finally spending time with the person she’d wanted for so long.

Instead all she could see was Haerin standing alone in the driveway, trying to smile while her heart broke.

In the end, Danielle had made plans with Minji to go out to In-N-Out the next day, it wasn’t until she was halfway there that she realized where they were going.

Her and Haerin’s favorite place.

The same one Haerin drags her too after long study sessions.

Danielle could still vaguely remember sitting across from her in a red vinyl booth while Haerin talked animatedly about whatever had captured her interest that week, the most animatedly Haerin ever talked to somebody. The memory arrived so suddenly that it nearly made her miss the turn into the parking lot.

Haerin.

Danielle tightened her grip on the steering wheel.

Darn it.

Why was she thinking about her again?

Haerin hadn’t texted her last night, well- she did confess her undying love for Danielle, and got rejected- so you can see why she wasn’t jumping to talk to Danielle.

It still stirred something deep within Danielle, there hasn’t been a day they didn’t text each other good morning or good night.

Danielle had spent the entire morning trying not to. Every time her thoughts drifted in that direction, she reminded herself of what today was supposed to be. This was the date she had wanted for months. Minji sitting beside her was the one she had been nervous around, the one she had rehearsed conversations for in the mirror- not Haerin.

Yet somehow Haerin kept appearing in the corners of her mind.

The way she laughed with her whole face. The way she always seemed to know when Danielle was upset before anyone else did. The way she listened, really listened, even when the topic was boring- how Haerin cried yesterday.

Danielle pushed the depressing thoughts away and parked the car, she wasn’t about to let anything dim her light! She was going out with Minji, after all!

Across the lot, the fast food place glowed warmly beneath the late afternoon sun. Families drifted in and out through the front doors. Somewhere inside, she knew there was a booth near the back where Haerin had once spent twenty minutes trying to convince her to try a ridiculous flavor combination- mixing her animal fries with her black and white shake.

The memory made her smile before she could stop herself.

“What’s so funny?” Minji asked, pushing up her glasses nervously.

Danielle blinked and looked over, “Nothing,” she said quickly.

Minji raised an eyebrow suspiciously at Danielle, but open the door for her regardless. Daniele followed her Minji inside, forcing herself to focus on the present. The familiar scent of patties frying and fries being.. well- fried drifted through the shop, and the soft hum of conversations filled the air. Nothing had changed. The same menu board hung above the counter, same old crooked poster advertised seasonal flavors near the entrance, same old red and white color scheme all throughout.

It only made the memories harder to ignore.

For weeks, Minji had existed in a sort of perfect light inside her head. Every smile had seemed meaningful- every conversation had felt exciting. She had spent embarrassing amounts of time wondering what it would be like to spend an afternoon together without the usual distractions of work, school, or mutual friends around

As they stood in line, Minji chatted casually about school, upcoming plans, and a movie she wanted to see. Danielle nodded along, responding when appropriate, but part of her attention kept wandering. Every familiar corner of the In-N-Out seemed attached to a memory.

There was the table where Haerin had spilled half her milkshake because she had been laughing too hard. There was the booth where they had once spent nearly three hours talking until the employees started stacking chairs around them.

When they finally ordered and sat down, Danielle suddenly found herself glancing toward the back- The booth was empty- a wave of disappointment washed over her, even though she didn’t know why.

They sat across from each other, sunlight filtering through the front windows and casting warm patches of gold across the table. Minji looked exactly as beautiful as she always had. Maybe even more so.

Minji was in the middle of a story when Danielle realized she had completely missed the last thirty seconds of it.

“…and then... this idiot, she sent it to the wrong group chat, and everybody spread it around.” Minji finished, laughing.

Danielle laughed too, a beat too late.

“Sorry, I didn’t hear that-“ she admitted. “I got distracted.”

“Nah, it’s okay- you’re good.”

But guilt twisted in her stomach anyway, this was supposed to be what she wanted. For months she had imagined spending time like this with her crush. She had rehearsed conversation, wondered what it would be like to sit across from her and make her laugh.

Whenever she mentioned something about herself, the topic somehow found its way back to her date within moments.

“Oh, I started reading this book-“

“That reminds me, I read way more than most people.”

“My family went on a trip last month-”

“Speaking of vacations, let me tell you about mine.”

At first Danielle tried not to judge.

But nearly 40 minutes passed without Minji asking her a single question about Danielle, not even a “So, how are you?”- zip, nada. In full honesty, it surprised Danielle- because she knew somebody who always asked questions, always listened to her, somebody who remembers details.

Haerin.

Frick, not now- Dani! She thought to herself,  pushing the image of Haerin listening to her attentively away.

The date was off, and she knew why, it was because the entire time she kept comparing Minji to Haerin.

Not intentionally, she wasn’t even trying to.

But every joke Minji told made her remember how hard Haerin could make her laugh. Every pause in conversation reminded her that she never had awkward silences with Haerin, and every smile across the table made her think of another smile entirely- Minji seemed so full of herself, talking about all of her accomplishments and whatever- never asking once about Danielle.

Danielle stared down at Double-Double with extra spread, no tomatoes, since she was accustomed to giving her tomatoes to Haerin.

Maybe it was just because Haerin was her best friend, of course she thought about her all the time- it was natural! They spent nearly every day together, they knew each other better than anyone else.

Only, friendship didn’t explain why Haerin had been occupying her thoughts constantly for the last few weeks.

Friendship didn’t explain why she kept replaying certain moments in her head late at night.

Across the table, Minji smiled at her, wiping sauce off her lips with a napkin.

Danielle smiled back automatically.

But for the first time since arriving, she found herself wondering whether she had been chasing the wrong person all along

Danielle looked up as she ate, and the sight in-front of her gave her the ick.

Minji, the girl whose facial angles and jaw she had been analyzing and thirsting over for weeks- was also seemingly the world’s messiest eater. Half of the sauce from her 4x4 was on the corners of her mouth, and it didn’t exactly seem like she was rushing to wipe it off.

“You... you have a little something by your mouth.” Danielle pointed out, gesturing to the corner of her mouth.

“Oh! Thanks for telling me, I can be kinda messy sometimes…” Minji smiled, taking a napkin and wiping her mouth... yet again.

I can see that. Danielle thought- biting her tongue to resist saying it out loud.

 ————————————

The drive home should have felt like a victory.

Danielle had finally gotten what she wanted. The date had gone well. There had been no awkward moments, not lot embarrassing silences, no disasters worth replaying in the middle of the night, well from her obviously. By all accounts, she should have been smiling as she drove through the evening traffic.

Danielle, ever the rule breaker- felt strangely restless.

The setting sun painted the dashboard gold as she stopped at a red light. Her phone sat face-down in the passenger seat. Every few minutes her eyes drifted toward it.

She was waiting for a message.

Not from Minji, from Haerin.

Danielle knew it would never come; she knew Haerin like that. But a part of her wished Haerin would change, just a bit- so she could get that message.

By the time Haerin had reached her house, the once bright sky had darkened into a deep blue. She fumbled with her keys twice before finally getting the door open. The moment her foot entered the threshold of her house, the silence hit her.

Nobody was home, the house was empty. Her mom was probably off at some important business meeting, her dad probably out doing some stupid shit- and she had no idea where her younger sister, Hyein could be.

Haerin dropped the keys into the keyholder and stood motionless in the entryway, eyes dazed. She didn’t turn on any lights, nor did she take off her shoes.

Haerin squeezed her eyes shut, tears begging to fall out of her already red and tired eyes. The conversation replayed again in her head, Danielle’s stunned expression, the silence afterward, Danielle’s uncertainty.

Why did I do that?

Why couldn’t I just keep my damn mouth shut?

Way to go, Haerin. You survived years without saying anything- and look at you now! You say one thing, and now your relationship with Danielle is permanently ruined.

She hates you!

You ruined your friendship over feelings, idiot.

The thoughts flew by in her head, so fast she could barely comprehend them. She had ruined everything she had with Danielle, and Haerin was beginning to think she would rather have Danielle as just a friend then to experience the pain she’s feeling.

Too bad somebody hasn’t invented a time machine yet…

A shaky laugh escaped her chapped lips, the sound echoing strangely throughout the barren house.

Haerin finally forced herself upstairs, and it looked the same, like it always did. It was unfair, well it might not be- but it feels unfair to Haerin. Something should’ve changed, her world should’ve been drastically changed. Instead- everything remained exactly where she had left it that morning. Her blanket was still tangled at the foot of the bed, books sat scattered across the desk.

And a hoodie, a hoodie Danielle had forgotten months ago- was still hanging over the back of her chair.

Haerin’s eyes landed on it immediately, her stomach dropping to her feet. For a moment she simply stared, before crossing the room in long strides and grabbing it in her hands. The familiar fabric bunched up in her fists- it still smelled like Danielle. Memories came back to Haerin at the touch of the soft fur, the movie nights they had spent- when Danielle was huddled up in the same hoodie Haerin held in her hands, gripping onto Haerin like the monster in the movie was about to jump out at them in a second.

Those memories felt poisoned, now- humiliating even. Haerin sank into the foot of her bed, the hoodie still clutched in her hands, “What were you even thinking?” she mumbled herself.

Haerin whimpered, burying her nose into the soft fabric. She had made everything worse, now- now Danielle knew. She knew the truth behind every glance, the truth behind every single time Haerin had agreed to do something she really, really didn’t want to do because Danielle had asked her.

Everything felt exposed, like somebody has ripped open her chest in front of an audience and dumped the contents on the table for them to gawk at.

Haerin’s right hand slowly reached down, grabbing her phone from her pocket. Unlocking it- she instinctively opened her chat with Danielle.

No messages.

Of course, what had she expected?

Haerin’s thumb hovered over their chat anyways, years of messages under her skin just a swipe away. Years full of tiny conversations that had felt permanent in the moment.

Haerin wondered, how many more of those conversations there would be- most likely, little to none. Would things be awkward now? Will Danielle even talk to me-? Let alone, look in my direction?

The questions multiplied faster than she could answer them, and each possibility seemed to be worse than the last.

Eventually, Haerin dropped her phone onto the mattress she sat on, defeated. Her brain kept circling the same terrible conclusion. She knew she didn’t confess because she thought she could magically win over Danielle’s heart, she had confessed since the carrying the secret was impossible.

But now that it wasn’t a secret, Haerin felt hollow-  years building of her life spent building around a feeling that had nowhere to go. There was no more fantasy for her to replay alone at night, only uncertainty and regret.

Haerin slumped onto her bed fully, head knocking slightly against the headboard before settling on her pillow. She stared at the ceiling as darkness from the window slowly filled the room around her.

If everything between them changed today, then tomorrow would be the first day Haerin has to learn how to live without pretending- without Danielle.

————————————

The next morning, Danielle already knew something was wrong before she could stumble into first period.

Normally, Haerin was the first person she saw- thought of, and talked to. There was always a text waiting when she woke up, and Haerin would wait by the school gates for Danielle before interlinking their arms to walk into class together.

Though, this morning- there was none of that. Danielle stared at their empty chat several times, refreshing before finally putting her phone away.

It was passing period, hundreds of students filed out of their classrooms- slumping against their lockers before hurrying to the next class. The drone of the regular conversation played in the background like… background music. Danielle stood in the crowded hallway, textbooks pressed tightly against her chest as she tried to navigate the rush- like a fish swimming upstream.

Danielle finally made it into an empty space amidst the cluster, and she spotted Haerin towards the far end of the corridor. Relief flooded her chest for a half a second.

Then Haerin saw her, their eyes meeting- it was like something shocked her, because Haerin at once looked away.

Danielle watched as she physically turned around and disappeared into a nearby class before she could catch up to her. The short-lived relief vanished, and a strange discomfort took its place.

The bell rang, leaving no time for Danielle to sulk over the split-second interaction.

This is fine! Danielle told herself, totally understandable!

What do I expect after breaking my best friends' heart?

Still, despite trying to convince herself, the sight of Haerin walking away unbothered lingered unpleasantly in her mind throughout the entire class.

The whole situation only became more obvious as the day continued, lunch was when it really hit Danielle.

The cafeteria buzzed loudly with the familiar chaos of midday conversation, hundreds of voices blended together beneath the high ceiling- combined with the loud sounds of chairs scraping against the floor, backpacks dropping carelessly to the floor besides tables, and the bursts of laughter erupting from every corner of the multi-purpose room. It was loud enough that one-on-one conversations became impossible to distinguish. Danielle felt strangely isolated walking through the crowd, tray balanced in her hands.

Naturally, her eyes automatically drifted over toward their table.

The table.

The one her and Haerin sat at every single day throughout their entire high-school experience.

Haerin would always arrive first, saving Danielle a seat and instantly complaining about whatever, or whoever had annoyed her in the morning. They’d shared snacks, copied homework off each other, and accumulated enough inside jokes that if somebody overheard them- they’d think the duo were speaking a whole different language.

Only, the table was empty.

Danielle continued walking to it anyways, weaving through the clusters of student’s as she did.

Then she saw Haerin- not at the table, not even remotely close to the table.

Haerin was sitting across the cafeteria near a row of windows, surrounded by people she rarely spent her time with. She was turned away slightly, the sun catching her hair perfectly- laughing at something one of the girls nearby her had said.

Danielle internally winced at the sight, but sat down regardless at one of her friend’s from theatres table.

Danielle tried to focus on the conversation happening around her.

She really did.

Somebody was talking about studying for an upcoming exam, another person complaining about a teacher- Normally, Danielle would have been participating. Throwing in comments and jokes whenever there was a silence in the conversation.

Today, every word seemed to slide right past her.

Probably because, every few seconds her eyes drifted back across the cafeteria- back to Haerin.

She didn’t even bother to try and sneak a glance of Minji laughing, she was too focused on Haerin.

The distance between them wasn’t even that far, twenty feet- maybe 40. But it was close enough for Danielle to occasionally catch glimpses of laughter through the noise of the cafeteria. Close enough to see that Haerin was doing completely fine without her. Or at least pretending to be.

Danielle’s glaze flickered over to the girl sitting besides Haerin. At first, there was nothing unusual about it. Then the girl said something, leaning in close to Haerin’s ear- as a result, Haerin laughed, and so did the girl.

Normal, right?

Except, Danielle kept watching- and the longer she watched, the more irritated she began.

This… this girl, she kept leaning closer whenever she spoke, and Haerin wasn’t moving away.

At one point, the girl- who she now recognized as Hanni, leaned over and nudged Haerin on the shoulder. Haerin rolled her eyes and laughed again, a real laugh- the one that was reserved for Danielle’s ears.

Something unpleasant and very much unwelcome twisted sharply in Danielle’s chest. She bit her tongue.

Why is this bothering me?

Haerin’s allowed to have other friends!

The thoughts only made it worse. Hanni said something else, and Haerin doubled over laughing- Hanni reached out, her hands wrapping around Haerin’s bicep.

Suddenly- Danielle was on her feet, her chair screeching loudly against the tile. The movement so abrupt, multiple people at her table stopped talking, their heads swiveling to look at Danielle.

“Where are you going?” Someone asked.

“I’ll be back in a second.” Danielle huffed, dismissing the question.

The cafeteria noise seemed distant in Danielle’s ears- like she was underwater.

She didn’t pay much attention to it, all she could focus on was the growing irritation in her chest. By the table Danielle reached the table- Haerin instantly noticed her, laughter disappearing instantly.

Haerin’s expression froze, and the entire group went quiet- looking up at Danielle from their seats with quivering pupils.

Danielle ignored them, ignored the tension that found itself at the table. Instead she looked directly at Haerin- making unwavering eye contact.

“Haerin, can I talk to you?” She blurted, loud enough for everyone sitting by Haerin to hear.

Haerin blinked, “What?”

“Can, I, talk, to, you?” Danielle repeated, much slower this time. The words came out sharper than intended.

Haerin stared at her for a second, calculating- then slowly stood.

The walk out of the cafeteria was painfully awkward, Haerin followed several steps behind. The silence stretched longer and longer, like a thread about to snap- before Danielle finally pushed open a door leading into an empty hallway. The noise of lunch faded behind them as the door clicked shut.

For the first time all day, they were alone.

Haerin shuffled under her weight, eyes glued to the floor. Then she glanced up- noticing how Danielle had crossed her arms, and she recognized the defensive posture instantly.

Not that she blamed her, Haerin had spent the whole day avoiding this conversation.

“What… what do you want?” Haerin asked quietly, finally bringing herself to make eye contact with Danielle.

The irritation that has led Danielle up to this point suddenly evaporated, because now that she was actually standing in front of Haerin, she wasn’t entirely sure of what she wanted to say

Haerin looked exhausted, dark circles lingered beneath her eyes despite the attempts to cover them with makeup- and her expression was guarded.

“You, I want you.” Danielle said, turning to face Haerin and putting her hands on the girls shoulders, ensuring she wouldn’t shy away.

“Wh-..what?”

“I want you to stop avoiding me, I know you have been.”

Haerin laughed once, short and humorless. The action shook her body, and Danielle tightened her grip on Haerin’s shoulders.

“Well, what did you expect to happen, especially after that day?”

Danielle opened her mouth- then slowly closed it again, she was at a loss for words. So many she wanted to say but she just couldn’t bring herself to. She remembered how her and Haerin sat on the porch, remembered how the girl’s tears stained the wood beneath their feet.

“You don’t have to worry, Dani- I get it.” Haerin hummed, the nickname sounding more teasing rather then happy.

“Get what?”

“I get you don’t feel the same way.”

Daniele was uncertain- she couldn’t respond to that even if she was Socrates. The truth was, she still didn’t know how she felt. Didn’t know how she felt about Minji, did she even like her anymore? Whatever- focus on Haerin.

Haerin shook her head the way she did whenever she was nervous, her eyes darting around the empty hallway like somebody was going to spot them, “It’s fine, really.”

“No, it’s not- stop lying, Haerin.”

Haerin seemed genuinely confused by her response. Well- she wasn’t exactly being truthful, Haerin was willingly distancing herself from Danielle- for her sake. Haerin thought, that maybe if she cut off all contact with Danielle, she would get over- but risk having a broken heart for the rest of her life.

Danielle ran a hand through her curly hair, frustration bubbling up again deep in her gut. It wasn’t directed at Haerin, it was directed at herself. At the fact seeing Haerin laughing with a girl that wasn’t her ruined her whole day.

“Were you having fun?”

Haerin’s nose scrunched up in confusion, “What?”

“With Hanni.”

Haerin pressed her lips together until they were in a straight line, looking even more confused, “Uh, yeah- I was.”

Hearing her response out loud only made Danielle feel even more ridiculous, because it only revealed how absurd it sounded. She suddenly became very interested in the floor- focusing on a crack that ran through one of the hallway tiles intensely, anything to avoid the uncomfortable feeling of realization spreading throughout her chest.

Haerin cleared her throat, shuffling her way out of Danielle’s faltering grip, “So…” she began quietly, “Why’d you bring me over here if you’re not gonna say anything?”

Danielle tried to talk, but nothing came out. The real answer felt impossible to explain, because she didn’t know. Well- she knew, but she just… didn’t want to say it, or acknowledge it. Her mind kept returning to the image from the cafeteria, just minutes ago. Haerin laughing, while Hanni shuffled closer to her- the easy familiarity between the two of them. Danielle spent weeks convincing her head that the strongest emotions of love she had ever felt belonged to somebody else- yet she spent her whole date with that somebody thinking about Haerin and even spent her whole day searching the halls of the school for her. Nothing about these moments felt easy to explain.

Danielle realized that she didn’t feel that way towards Minji. She didn’t feel the same rush of adrenaline she did with Haerin when she was near Minji, when their hands rubbed during their date- it felt more like a casual touch, nothing more to it.

But oh, when Danielle was with Haerin, it was a completely different story. Every time she saw Haerin’s toothy grin, she swooned- every time she heard Haerin’s soft laughter, Danielle’s heart stuttered a few beats.

How stupid was she to think those feelings were platonic?

“I just…” Danielle started, before stopping again.

Haerin waited patiently- but when no explanation followed, she looked away.

Danielle swallowed, hard. Something was happening inside of her, something she didn’t want to name, suddenly the confession felt different to her- like the final collapse of something Haerin has been carrying for a long time. She found herself wondering, while Haerin waited in front of her confused- how many times Haerin had wanted to say something but stopped herself from.

The thought followed, then another.

The puzzle pieces began to click in Danielle’s head. Haerin waiting for her after every class and walking Danielle’s to hers before going to her own class, Haerin sitting next to her at lunch, listening attentively to every word that came out of Danielle’s mouth. Haerin showed up, she always showed herself for Danielle.

“Haerin… what, what, did I do to deserve somebody like you?” Danielle whispered, barely audible.

Haerin shifted her backpack higher onto her shoulder, eyes widening just a fraction. “I don’t deserve you, Danielle.”

Danielle’s eyebrows furrowed, how could Haerin say that-? “Haerin- I don’t deserve you, I really don’t. You’ve done nothing short of everything for me throughout all these years, and I-... I broke your heart.” Danielle blurted, her gaze sharper now.

“Look,” Haerin began quietly- looking at the ground. “You don’t have to figure anything out right now.” She offered, looking up and flashing a small smile- the kind that looked more sad than happy.

“And I’m sorry, really sorry- things are weird now.”

Danielle tightened her jaw, her teeth pressing together. Haerin was apologizing, even after everything, and Danielle hated it- more than she could explain. Don’t apologize! This is my fault- I led you on, I broke your heart! She screamed in her head, but her mouth was dry.

Danielle took a small step forward, the already futile space between them seemed to shrink further, Haerin stiffened- backing up until her back hit the cold metal of a locker. The last time they were this close to one another- it was to kiss.

Haerin showed Danielle the most vulnerable truth she had, and in return- Danielle sat there like an idiot, thinking about her date with Minji. The guilt settled heavily in her stomach.

“Haerin- I’m sor- “

“I should probably go.”

Danielle cut herself off hearing Haerin talk, eyes zooming in on how Haerin glanced towards the cafeteria doors. The thought of Haerin leaving her again relit the same awful feeling Danielle has been feeling all day.

Danielle almost reached for her, almost- instead she shoved her hands into her pockets, hands twitching.

Haerin waited for a second longer, and when Danielle didn’t speak or make a move to stop her she nodded- then turned away. Danielle watched her walk down the hallway, 3 steps- 6 steps away, each one felt heartbreaking. Danielle could’ve stopped her- could’ve said what was really on her mind and maybe, Haerin would still be here, next to her.

As Verzache said, “Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself. Just leave me for somebody else.”

Danielle stood frozen long after Haerin disappear around the bend of the hallway, thoughts running rampant in her head.  What if Haerin stopped calling? What if she found somebody else to sit with at lunch, somebody funnier-prettier, someone to text first?

Well, she didn’t have to think up a scenario for those questions- because it was happening right in front of her, live action 4K HD.

The hallway suddenly felt emptier, and eventually- the bell rang. Students began pouring into the corridors, yet Danielle barely noticed. She was still staring at the spot where Haerin had vanished, trying not to focus on the fact that watching Haerin walk away from her felt worse then losing Minji, the girl she spent weeks chasing.

Slowly, Danielle began walking to class. The crowd around her flowing In both directions, students brushed pass her shoulders- hurrying to beat the bell. She glanced down at her Casio F-91W, 12:28. Normally, at this time she would have been walking hand in hand with Haerin, planning what they should do together after school got out.

Normally.

Almost every routine she had involved Haerin somehow. It should’ve been insignificant, best friends were involved in each other’s life.

Well, given the circumstances- this was anything but normal. The more Danielle thought about it on her way to class, the less convincing explanation began to seem. This wasn’t a mere friendship argument.

The rest of the day felt like one long attempt at trying to avoid thinking too hard about anything, every time her thoughts drifted to a particular cat-eyed girl, she shoved them somewhere else and refocused. Every time a question relating to Haerin popped up in her mind, she found a reason not to answer it.

And somehow, she found herself outside of Chili’s Grill & Bar ™, after having made plans with… none other than Minji.

This was stupid, a total idiot move. Danielle quite literally realized less then 5 hours ago she… didn’t like Minji in the way she thought she did. But, here she is- standing outside the restaurant staring at her own reflection in the glass for a few seconds before pushing the door open.

This is supposed to help, Danielle told herself- Relax a bit, have some fun with Minji. Get your mind off Haerin for once!

Maybe then, everything would feel normal again.

The restaurant was busy enough to feel alive with conversation without being too crowded. Warm lighting spilled from the hanging light fixtures overhead, casting soft golden shadows across the establishment and tables alike. Danielle told the receptionist promptly she had a reservation and was led to a booth seat where Minji was already waiting.

Minji smiled when she saw Danielle, and Danielle returned it.

At first, the evening moved smoothly enough. They ordered food, talked about classes, plans for the upcoming weekend. As usual- Minji told stories, and Danielle listened. (Though, it was a bit hard too since Minji kept getting the cheese from her triple dipper everywhere but her mouth.)

The conversation wasn’t all that bad, neither was the company.

Nonetheless, a strange feeling accompanied her throughout every part of the evening, a disconnection. She kept waiting for the date to begin feeling more important than it already did. Every time Minji laughed at some joke she told, Danielle was responding appropriately, whenever she was asked a question, which was rare- she answered.

It wasn’t even talking; it was more like performing the act of talking.

Danielle couldn’t remember ever having to work this hard around Haerin, with her- silence wasn’t something needed fixing.

Across the table from her, Minji was describing a show she’d recently started watching, and Danielle nodded along- trying to seem interested. Then she realized she had already lost track of the story halfway through.

As the evening continued, she started noticing small things. There were no deep conversations, and most interactions felt more like small talk than a conversation, Danielle had to carefully consider every response before speaking- careful not to offend Minji. It was like she had to be constantly aware of herself just to get through the date.

Danielle thought that if she admired somebody enough- everything else would fall in place, and now she wasn’t so sure about that thought.

Outside, the restaurant windows, the sky began fading into a dark blue- people passed by them, faces lit up by the streetlights momentarily, before walking out of view.

Minji eventually caught onto Danielle’s discomfort.

“You’re… uh, you’re really distracted tonight.” Minji observed, it wasn’t judgmental- instead she sounded worried.

Danielle looked down at her glass, and for a second, she considered lying, “Yeah- I just… just have a lot on my mind.”

Minji studied her for a moment before speaking again, “Do you… even want to be here?”

Danielle was caught off guard by the question, she looked up- Minji didn’t look mad, not in the slightest- she just looked curious. That made it even harder for Danielle. She did want to be here, or at least she wanted to want to be here.

But if her phone buzzed right now and Haerin asked to see her, she would leave without hesitation.  The noise of the restaurant faded into the background in her ears, because she knew that wasn’t normal. People wouldn’t abandon a date with their crush just to meet up with their best friends.

And Danielle realized, seated at that old mahogany table in a Chili’s of all places- that she was in love with her life-long best friend, Kang Haerin.

Over the week, Haerin began to get better at avoiding Danielle. But she wasn’t perfect, nobody could perfectly avoid someone they spent years with. Yet, Haerin learned enough to keep herself sane. Take different routes to class, sit at a different lunch table. And it helped, only during the moments she wasn’t thinking about her.

It was Friday afternoon, and Danielle spotted her by accident. The final bell had rung around ten minutes earlier. Most students have already left the building in a hurry. The hallways were almost empty, scattered with the last few stragglers heading to parked cars or buses.

Danielle was walking to the main entrance at the front of the school, when she glanced over to her right and noticed Haerin through a set of windows overlooking the courtyard. She sat alone, back pressed against the trunk of a tree- her backpack rested beside her, half open while she took out her notebook and placed it in her lap. Haerin wasn’t writing, she didn’t even have a pen, just staring at the pages.

Danielle stopped in her tracks, gaze locked on Haerin. But before she could lose her nerve, she pushed open the door and stepped outside. The afternoon air was warm, the light breeze stirring the branches overhead- and patches of sunlight scattered across the pavement, occasionally broken by leaves.

Haerin looked up at the sound of the door creaking open, and she noticed Danielle’s bright aura immediately. She always did, Danielle lit up whatever room she was in. Their eyes met for a split second just as Danielle descended the stairs, Haerin’s eyes flickered back down to her notebook.

The message was clear, leave me alone.

Danielle ignored it, crossing the courtyard anyway. With every cubic inch she got closer to Haerin her pulse climbed higher, and by the time she was in front of Haerin, looking down at her- Danielle’s heart was pounding hard enough for her to feel nauseous.

Haerin didn’t look up, gaze still transfixed on her notebook, “What do you want now?” She asked quietly.

Danielle swallowed the lump in her throat, “I need to talk to you about something.”

Haerin laughed shortly, unamused. “You always have to.”

Danielle couldn’t even be mad; she was telling the truth. For years she’d gone to Haerin when she needed something, most recently- a distraction.

She couldn’t even remember a single time when after Haerin did her favor, she stopped to ask what Haerin needed in return.

Because she knew that Haerin would do whatever she asked her to- no matter how bad it was. That’s how good of a friend Haerin was. (Or maybe she needs to get a grip.)

“Well, what is it?”

Danielle opened her mouth, and the speech she had rehearsed mentally disappeared, all that remained was the truth. “Listen, Haerin- I’m not here because I need something from you.”

For the first time Haerin’s appearance shifted, her lips twitched and a flicker of surprise crossed her face.

Danielle forced herself to keep talking, her hands shaking slightly before she tightened her grip on the straps of her backpack, “I know that’s usually how it works- but I’m not here to ask you a favor, and I don’t need help either.”

Silence.

Haerin’s finger pressed into the thin pages of her notebook, bending it from the force.

“I’m here because I want you.” Danielle admitted, her eyes suddenly finding interest in the tree Haerin rest on.

The words hung in the air between them, and for one awful second- hope appeared on Haerin’s face.

Now, if Haerin wasn’t so naïve she would be thinking something along the lines of “Wow, this has to be fake. Do I really have a chance with her? Is my dream really coming true?” But Haerin is smarter than that, or at least she thinks- so really, she was thinking “Does she think I’m an idiot?”

Haerin met Danielle’s gaze again, “Danielle, do you take me for an idiot?”

“Wha- no! I don- “

“No.”

Haerin closed her notebook and stood, movements calm and controlled. Far too controlled- muscles taut like an arrow ready to be fired.

“You don’t… you don’t mean it like that, Danielle. I know you don’t, you never will.” Haerin huffed, running a hand through her hair.

“I do.” Danielle insisted, stepping forward instinctively.

Haerin’s eye twitched, the crack in her composure lasting for less than a second- yet Danielle still noticed it.

“Danielle, you’re just- just trying to get me back. You just want me to be there for you so I can do your dirty work.” Haerin retorted, her voice louder now.

“It’s not like that anymore, Haerin.”

“Oh, but- it is like that, you had a crush on Minji for months Danielle, went on dates with her, and talked about her constantly to me!” Haerin snapped- her eyebrows furrowing.

Danielle didn’t argue, because Haerin was right- only that wasn’t the whole truth.

Haerin shook her head, “You don’t just… don’t get to wake up one random day and suddenly decide that I’m the answer to your problems.”

“Haerin-, you are the answer to my problems.”

“What, your problem of being scared to kiss Minji? Is that why you’re here? Minji’s making moves on you and now you need my help again?” Haerin snorted, before getting cut off by Danielle.

“That’s not what happened, Haerin- stop bringing her name up.” Danielle snapped back louder. She stepped closer, nearly toe-to-toe with Haerin.

“Oh yeah? Then what, Danielle? What happened?” The question came out sharp, emotional- the hurt surfacing through the cracks in Haerin’s resolve.

“You! Haerin, you happened!” Danielle finally snapped, voice echoing throughout the empty courtyard.

After a beat, Danielle continued- “There! There, that’s the honest, truthful answer. Is that the one you wanted?

Haerin stared at her, squinting her eyes as to not let tears fall.

Danielle saw the years of unspoken feelings behind her eyes and suddenly understood why Haerin couldn’t believe her. If Danielle was in her shoes, she wouldn’t believe it either. Not after everything she’s done.

“I’m serious, Haerin.”

“Prove it to me.” Haerin blurted confidently, free hand wiping the stray tear running down her cheek.

“What?” Danielle sputtered, freezing.

“Prove it to me that it’s me you want. Not my advice, nothing. Me.”

“I’m not… I’m not expecting you to believe me right now.” Danielle continued, trying to lower her voice and completely ignoring Haerin.

“Prove it to me! If you truly want me, prove it to me!” Haerin yowled, eyes shaking.

Danielle looked at her like a deer in headlights. The wind stirred through the courtyard, rustling the leaves overhead. Somewhere beyond the school fence, a car horn sounded faintly before disappearing into the distance. The ordinary noises of the afternoon felt strangely detached from the moment unfolding between them.

Haerin’s chest rose and fell in uneven patterns, “Well?” she quipped.

The confidence behind Haerin’s words was paper thin, they both knew it. The tears she’s been fighting all week were shining In her eyes, hands trembling despite her efforts to keep them still. She was exhausted.

Exhausted from being disappointed.

Danielle couldn’t answer- words stuck on her tongue.

“Don’t you know? I spent years, years convincing myself to not expect this outcome, and… and, now you’re asking me to believe it?”

Danielle couldn’t do anything but stand there and watch Haerin pour her heart out.

“Haerin… I don’t- I don’t know how to… prove it to you.”

“There it is.” Haerin huffed, pressing her lips together- she looked away, before leaning down to pickup her backpack.

Danielle’s eyes widened. Haerin can’t leave, not yet- “Wait, listen to me-!”

“I’m done listening to you, Danielle.” Haerin snarked, slinging her backpack over her shoulder.

“You spent years listening to me, please- just give me 10 more minutes.” Danielle pleaded, almost begging.

Danielle inched forward, close enough so that Haerin couldn’t look away so easily.

“You spent years listening to me about my problems,” Danielle repeated- voice shaking. “You listened when I was upset, confused, and when I couldn’t make up my mind about anything.”

Haerin stared hard at the ground, the tears she fought so hard to fight welling again. She bit her lip hard, enough to draw blood. She can’t cry, not in front of Danielle.

“You listened when I talked about other people- and I’m sorry, I should’ve… noticed you were uncomfortable- or stopped and asked you if it was weird.” Daniele continued, and she hated herself for saying it.

Haerin finally looked up to meet Danielle’s doe eyes, her lower lip quivering, “Then... then why are you even here, chasing me? Isn’t it weird that… that I liked you?” She sputtered, barely even thinking through her words.

Daniele felt her own eyes sting, “I… I came here because when you stopped being there for me, everything felt wrong.”

“I tried, really tried to get you off my mind- but I just couldn’t bring myself to. I see you in everything, and I look for you everywhere. Even in Minji.” Her admission felt vulnerable, but Haerin’s expression flickered- so she took it as a sign to keep going.

“I kept reaching for my phone to text you first thing in the morning, you’re the first person that I think about, Haerin- that’s how much you mean to me.” Danielle’s voice faltered, choking up on her own words

Haerin didn’t interrupt.

“And Minji… she wasn’t exactly how I imagined her to be.” Danielle laughed softly, shakily.

“She’s nice and all, but she just didn’t compare to you. I kept thinking throughout the date’s I went on her about how… you would’ve asked me about something and listened intently, like you always do.”

“I couldn’t stop comparing you to her, and in the end, you came out on top.” Danielle allowed herself to smile- eyes flicking up to see the tears quietly slipping down Haerin’s cheek.

“I kept seeing small things that reminded me of you throughout my whole day, kept wanting to tell you things- stupid or important, I want to tell you all of it.” Danielle’s voice cracked, gaze softening.

“And amid all of that, I was confused. I thought I was normal to be thinking of my best friend all the time, that it was platonic.”

“And finally, I realized that it wasn’t your help, or your advice that I wanted.”

Danielle’s final words settled over the courtyard like clouds.

“I wanted you.”

Haerin simply stared, tears continuing to fall from her eyes- but she made no effort to wipe them away. Danielle’s heart was hammering painfully against her ribs.

Haerin sucked in a shaky breath, her hands shaking as they let go of the backpack straps. “I really, really want to believe you.”

Danielle’s chest tightened, anticipating the answer.

“But I don’t think I can.”

The hope that had surged inside of her for a split second collapsed. It seemed to simply drain out of her body, leaving behind a hollow ache behind her ribs. She stood completely still, her eyes glazing over.

How many times had Haerin felt like this before? How many times has the same ache been in her chest? How many times had she gone home afterward feeling exactly like this? She didn’t even feel deserving of the pain, it felt borrowed. Danielle knew this was only a fraction of the pain Haerin has been feeling for years.

Danielle lowered her gaze, “Yeah.” She said quietly, voice cracking.

Danielle cleared her throat and tried again, louder this time, “Yeah.”

Haerin blinked, the salty tears on her cheeks slowly drying up. The answer clearly wasn’t what she had in mind.

Danielle looked away toward the empty courtyard, trying to do anything but focus on the pain in her abdomen. The sunlight was beginning to soften as the afternoon stretched toward the evening, and she realized just how long she had been talking to Haerin, so invested in their conversation (or argument) that they lost track of time.

Funny, the last time they did this they were laughing about something stupid, not arguing or crying.

“I get it.” The words came out barely above a whisper.

Haerin’s face crumped slightly, because Haerin looked upset that she’d hurt Danielle, guilty. Even now- where she’s the victim(?) she still cared for Danielle.’

Danielle shook her head, “No, seriously.” She chuckled once, the sound rough around the edges.

The pressure behind her eyes was becoming more difficult to ignore with every second that passed. She hadn’t expected this outcome, a part of her imagined that once she finally figured everything out and got the courage to tell Haerin, things would start moving forward.

“I wish I could prove it to you, that there’s something I could say to make you believe me.” Danielle whimpered, biting down on her lip.

Haerin’s gaze softened, “Danielle- if you’re serious about me, just give it time, okay?”

Danielle barely remembered getting into her car afterwards, could barely remember the route she took going home. The familiar streets passed by in a blur of traffic lights and stores and houses alike washed gold by the setting sun. Her hands remained fixed on the steering wheel in 9 and 3 position while her thoughts replayed the conversation over and over again.

By the time she got home, the sky outside had begun fading from orange to a soft violet. The house was quiet when she unlocked the door- kicking off her shoes and leaving them messily near the front door and practically leaping up the stairs to her room automatically, eyes tired but brain wired.

Danielle flung her backpack into a random corner of her room and dropped onto her bed, staring up at the ceiling. She glanced over at the clock on her nightstand, usually this was the point in her day where she’d text Haerin.

The silence felt enormous, talking to Haerin had become such a natural part of her life that she stopped noticing how often she reached for it. Her phone remained on the nightstand.

Danielle rolled onto her stomach and buried her face in the pillow, Dani! You idiot, one confession wouldn’t completely erase years of being oblivious, who do you think you are?

Danielle squeezed her eyes shut, putting herself in Haerin’s shoes for what seems like the nth time this week. One emotional speech doesn’t compete with years of evidence, it can’t magically mend Haerin’s heart back together.

The thoughts sat with her for several minutes, her breathing unsteady.

Then suddenly she sat upright, realizing something that seemed pretty obvious to just about anybody.

Haerin didn’t need another dramatic confession from Danielle to believe her, no- she already had one. She needed proof, real proof that Danielle was serious about her. Only- it would be hard to prove that to her, things were already kinda awkward- so how would Danielle be able to get Haerin alone? Does she just act like things were normal again?

Danielle’s gaze landed on her backpack, then the calendar hanging next to her desk- a plan forming slowly in her head. Haerin spent years showing her feelings through small gestures, so Danielle would have to do the same.

Haerin showed up for Danielle constantly- and thinking back, Danielle never realized how much she took her constant presence for granted. She always assumed there would be another conversation tomorrow, another lunch period spent sitting next to each other, another opportunity.

Danielle would have to start small, show up for her- listen with the same attentiveness Haerin did, give back the same attention Haerin has given her for years. Not just for a week-or whenever Danielle got tired of it, she was willing to do it for however it took.

The next morning, Danielle willingly showed up at school twenty minutes earlier then usual, because she hadn’t slept.

Every time she squeezed her eyes shut, the conversation from earlier replayed in her eyelids- Haerin’s trembling voice, the tears she fought so hard to hide. By the time it was 3, Danielle gave up on sleeping altogether.

She sat on a bench near the front gate of the school, a paper cup of coffee in her hands cooling while students slowly began arriving. The morning air still carried a faint chill despite it almost being summer break. Everyone was still groggy from waking up early in the morning, her peers were moving slowly through the gates.

Danielle was scanning every person who entered the front gates with wide eyes, earning herself a few snark remarks from them, “Weirdo.” They grumbled, side-eyeing her.

She finally spotted Haerin at 8:34, she emerged from the parking lot with her backpack slung over one shoulder- wired earbuds tucked into her ears and her head was tilted slightly downward as she walked, avoiding eye-contact with anybody and everybody.

For a second Danielle considered approaching Haerin, taking her arm In her own and falling into that easy rhythm they had every morning.

The impulse appeared instantaneously in her head, overwhelming every other thought in her mind.

Then she remembered her plan, and Danielle reluctantly stayed where she was, muscles twitching as they fought back the urge to jump up and run to the catlike girl.

Haerin passed without noticing, and Danielle watched her disappear into the building- a small sting accompanying her.

Her first opportunity came in 2^nd period, completely by accident.

The bell had rung only a few seconds earlier, and the classroom dissolved into the chaos that came along with every passing period. Chairs scraped against the floor, backpacks were zip-half closed in an attempt to save time, but really, they just ended up looking stupid when they walked through the hallways.

Danielle remained seated for longer then usual, her eyes locked on Haerin.

No matter how much distance she tried to give Haerin, no matter how many times she reminded herself that trust just couldn’t be rebuilt overnight, she was still painfully aware of where and what Haerin was doing at all times.

Across the classroom, Haerin was attempting to shove loose worksheets into her binder while simultaneously trying to put her backpack on, her attention seemed entirely elsewhere.

Danielle knew the feeling all too well.

A stack of papers slipped free from Haerin’s binder as she tried to shove it in her already cramped backpack, and for a moment they hung in the air- until gravity took over and scattered the worksheets across the floor in every direction.

Several of their classmates stepped around the papers without slowing down, too worried about getting to class on time to help. Someone kicked one of the pages farther until it was beneath a nearby desk, and another sheet drifted into the aisle as dozens of shoes hurried past it.

Haerin paused for a moment, clicking her tongue as a brief flash of frustration crossed her face. Something small had become unbearable just because everything already felt heavy.

Without realizing it, Danielle stood up- her chair ending up a few feet away from the desk from the sheer force. By the time she came to consciousness, she was already crossing the room.

Haerin was in the middle of dropping to one knee and reaching for the nearest paper when another hand appeared in her field of vision, a familiar one.

Wait a second, Haerin thought. I know those hands, I’ve held them… could they be?

Danielle?

Her movements stopped in its tracks, and Danielle could see the exact moment she recognized her.

Neither of them spoke, and after her brain finished malfunctioning- Haerin continued picking up her papers. Danielle crouched besides her and reached for the sheet that had slid under a desk, and she could feel Haerin’s sharp gaze on her, watching her every move.

Danielle’s chest felt tighter with every passing second, and she considered seeing a doctor for a moment. This was familiar, how many times had they done things like this for the other before? The small moments, where Haerin would automatically jump into action for Danielle without a single thought- never stopping to think.

Now, every interaction felt loaded with meaning.

For Haerin- this was weird, to say the least. She was used to helping others and never receiving anything in return- and she’s grown to be used to it! But when the help came from Danielle, it felt… weird. She was just too used to having to help Danielle, it just felt unnatural for her to be on the giving end of things.

But not necessarily in a bad way.

Danielle retrieved another worksheet and placed it atop the growing stack between them, the thin sheet trembling slightly in her grip. She was unsure whether it was from the nerves or the lack of sleep, probably both.

She spotted another worksheet trapped beneath a chair leg and leaned forward to grab it, as she did so- Danielle’s shoulder accidentally brushed against Haerin’s. The contact lasted for less than a second- it was barely even noticeable through the fabric of their clothes, but Haerin froze anyway. Her heart stuttered the same way it always did when Danielle around.

Danielle’s pulse quickened, and Haerin averted her gaze so quickly she might’ve developed myopia.

A month ago they would’ve laughed about something small this, it felt like all the progress they made with each other over the years was erased, like they barely even knew each other.

It made Danielle notice just how much she missed Haerin, not the girl who looked at her with teary eyes or didn’t even bother to try sitting with her at lunch. She missed this, the girl who was kneeling beside her on a hard-tiled floor gathering loose papers, the girl who always remembered details about her nobody else did. The person Danielle had somehow managed to despite never wanting to.

Danielle’s chest physically ached, she wanted to lean over and run into Haerin’s arms- whisper in her ear how much she missed her and never let go.

The final worksheet lay in between the two of them, just out of arms reach. Danielle reached for it first, and her hand brushed against Haerin’s as she reached for it too. Danielle winced, because Haerin immediately pulled her hand away as if she was burned. But Danielle played it off nonchalantly, picking up the worksheet despite the trembling feeling in her legs.

The stack of papers sat between them, and Danielle organized the edges carefully until every atom was aligned- trying desperately to buy herself another second with Haerin alone, another excuse to not stand up. She knew once she handed them over, the moment would end.

Danielle eventually held the stack up, their eyes meeting- the first real eye contact they’ve had since the whole courtyard thing. Haerin hesitated before accepting it, her eyes searching Danielle’s face for any sort of deception- as if the girl was playing a trick on her.

Danielle’s breath caught halfway up her windpipe when she looked into Haerin’s eyes, she looked tired- those deep brown pools full of distrust and a hint of recognition. Well, people say the eyes are the windows of the soul, right? So clearly- Haerin’s soul wasn’t exactly trusting of Danielle right now.

“Thanks.” Haerin murmured, it sounded borderline cautious.

Danielle’s throat tightened, a hundred responses fighting at once for attention- but eventually dying before they could get out into the open air.

‘I miss you!’ Too desperate, you don’t want to pressure her into anything!

‘I’m sorry, my dear Kitty Kang!’  Too corny!

‘I meant everything I said, please believe me!’ Okay dude, what next? You gonna drop to ur knees and beg her?

Danielle grimaced at her internal monologue, but considering her situation- the last thought didn’t seem too far away from happening.

Instead, she landed on a simple, “No problem.” Danielle hummed, nodding firmly.

Danielle stood up first, breaking the short lived eye contact with Haerin first, then she walked calmly to the door- feeling Haerin’s eyes watching her leave.

The awareness lingered all the way down the hallway and into her next class, her skin felt as if it was on fire under Haerin’s gaze.

Lunch was the real challenge. Up until this point, lunch was the easiest part of the school day.

The room was already crowded with students, somebody was flipping out about their lunch number not working, students were drifting around in search of friends- and the conversations that blended together were full of whatever social drama the student body was infatuated with.

Danielle scanned the room for a table with some mutual friends, or better yet- an empty table.

For years, none of that had ever mattered- Danielle never needed to worry about where she was sitting, didn’t even have to think about it. Haerin was simply already there, saving a seat for here at their usual spot.

Danielle huffed at the memories, but scanned the cafeteria again, and spotted Haerin.

The moment she entered a room these days, Danielle’s eyes found her without even being told to.

Haerin was sitting a few tables away from where Danielle stood by the entrance, surrounded by a small group of students she remembered as the girl’s she sat with before.  Haerin was sitting on the edge of the table closer to one of the windows, and the sunlight spilled across the table and caught itself in her hair whenever she moved- which Danielle could only thank the Sun gods for the beautiful sight.

The light seemed to softening everything about Haerin, it turned the ordinary details into something beautiful, and Danielle was hooked. Her head was tilted ever so slightly to the left as she listened to Hanni speaking beside her, a small smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth. She wasn’t even doing anything remarkable! She was just sitting there looking pretty, absentmindedly tracing the rim of her water bottle with one finger while listening to the story. (And Danielle suddenly found herself wanting to switch places with a water bottle.) Yet in Danielle’s eyes, Haerin has never looked so beautiful.

Danielle has seen all of this before, years of seeing it actually. But it felt different to her now, like looking at a painting after someone points something out about it that changes your whole perspective on it. The way her eyes brightened whenever she laughed, the way loose strands of her dark hair kept falling into her face, only for her to run her hand through the locks with a distracted movement she’s made thousands of times before. Every small thing seemed magnified. Danielle stood there with her lunch tray growing heavier in her hands, and all she could think about was if beauty was supposed to become something you get used to after seeing it every day.

The curly haired girl was shaken out of her stupor by one of her peers shouldering past her, almost knocking the food out of her tray in the process.

Danielle forced herself to look away, the plan! She remembered, no cornering her- no pressure, just take it easy. As The Eagles say, “Take it easy, don’t let the sound of our own wheels make you crazy.”

She promised herself that so reluctantly carried her tray toward her usual friends and sat down, they greeted her warmly- before sliding into the usual conversations about class, weekend plans, where they’re going for college. The usual topics Seniors in high school talk about.

Danielle couldn’t help but be disconnected from the conversations happening around her, she was responding- yeah, but every few seconds she would glance over at Haerin just to watch her

Unfortunately- across the cafeteria, Hanni wasn’t interested in making things easy for them.

“This is just embarrassing.”

Haerin nearly choked on her drinking, coughing a few times before responding. “What is?”

Hanni gave her a look, pointing her index and middle finger out to make a v, gesturing slightly over to where Danielle was sitting, “You two.”

“I’ve got no idea what you’re talking about.” Haerin waved it off, hating that Hanni could tell.

“Danielle has looked over here 6 times.” Hanni called out to Haerin, back straight to look over the sea of students just to watch Danielle pining for her best friend.

Haerin’s eyes widened, her straw falling from her mouth. “Looked? At me?”

“Ah, 7 now.”

“Hanni…” Haerin grumbled, looking down at her food embarrassed.

“You know, normal people would’ve just gone up to each other and talked it out!” Hanni shrugged, looking back over to her timid friend and hitting her on the back.

“We did talk it out…” Haerin grumbled.

Hanni leaned back in the rackety cafeteria chair, arms crossed. “What exactly is even your plan?”

“I don’t have one.”

“Oh, I can tell.”

Haerin looked up and shot her a glare, yet Hanni remained completely unbothered.

“Haerin, I hate to break this to you… but you told her to prove it, am I right?” Hanni lowered her voice, careful to not let the girls around them hear.

Haerin nodded along, fumbling with a wrapper.

“So let her.” Hanni huffed, acting like she just dropped a bomb on Haerin.

“What?”

“You’re making it impossible for her to make any kind of move on you!”

Haerin looked away and out the windows, she hated how Hanni was always telling her the truth she didn’t want to hear. She wasn’t even intentionally avoiding Danielle anymore, it just felt… dangerous to be near her, like Danielle was suddenly gonna go on another tangent about the curvature and angle of Minji’s jaw, or whatever body part she was obsessed with that day. (Pause.) - which always ended in Haerin’s chest being tight.

Before Haerin could come up with another argument, Hanni sighed dramatically- then stood, her chair scraping the floor loudly as she did so.

“Hanni.”

“Nope, I’m solving this once and for all.”

“Hanni!” Haerin yelled out, but unfortunately it was already too late. She watched in horror as the small girl marched directly across the cafeteria, straight to where Danielle was sitting.

The next 30 seconds felt like a slow-motion horror movie. Hanni tapped Danielles shoulder, Danielle looked up. Hanni said something, Danielle blinked- index finger going In her chest to say, “me?” Hanni nodded, then pointed to Haerin.

Haerin seriously considered hanging herself in front of the whole student body.

A minute later, Hanni returned with Danielle trailing behind her, lunch tray in her hands.

“Hanni, wha-“ Haerin sighed exasperatedly.

“I’m leaving, bye!” Hanni said, sounding a bit too cheerful.

Before Haerin could protest, Hanni grabbed her lunch tray- then slid out of the seat besides Haerin.

“Have fun, wear protection.” Hanni smiled, putting on her backpack.

“Hanni, I’m gonna kill you.” Haerin got out through clenched teeth.

“You’re welcome.”

And just like that, she was gone. Haerin stared after her in disbelief- watching as she confidently slid into the seat next to… KIM MINJI!? God, Hanni… you sly son of a bitch.

Haerin shook her head, before becoming aware of the person still standing beside the table awkwardly.

Danielle.

Haerin shifted in her seat awkwardly, the empty seat next to her suddenly seeming to have developed its own gravitational pull.

“Oh- uh, hi.” Haerin mumbled sheepishly, looking at the girl standing from the corner of her eye- not daring to make eye contact.

“Hi.”

The exchange immediately died, Haerin wanted the floor to open up beneath her and swallow her whole, and it looked like Danielle did too.

After a few more beats of silence, Danielle gestured weakly toward the empty chair.

“Oh-! Uh, you can sit.” Haerin insisted, hands folding in her lap.

Danielle finally sat down, the silence that followed was unbearable. Not necessarily because there was nothing to say, quite the opposite actually- it was because there was too much to say. Misunderstandings, heartbreak, the years of friendship tangled with it before anything else.

It just felt weird, y’know- to try and talk to someone you’ve known for years casually about something as mundane as what they had for breakfast when there was so many unsaid words between you guys.

The world continued around them, the faint beat of somebody freestyling could be heard- but Haerin suddenly became fascinated by the soggy sandwich the school served.

Danielle finally broke first, “How was your test?” She blurted suddenly.

Haerin turned her head to look at the girl, and blinked. “What test?”

Danielle winced internally, “The chemistry test.”

“Oh, yeah.” Haerin hummed, even though she had 0 recollection of taking it. Dang, her suppressing her emotions really was that bad- might be developing short term memory loss!

“So… you gonna answer? How’d you do on it?” Danielle chimed in again after a few seconds of silence, resting her head on her palm.

“It was okay.” Haerin murmured, chewing her sandwich a few chews too long to avoid saying more.

“Mmm, thats good. Think I failed mine.” Danielle shared, huffing out of her nose disappointedly.

Haerin laughed unexpectedly, the awkwardness and the random question just adding up until it boiled over.

Danielle immediately looked up at the sound, her chest blossoming a warm feeling in it. She hadn’t heard that beautiful noise in so long, and it seemed to surprise her just as much as it surprised Haerin.

They were silent after that, and their conversation never truly recovered from the awkwardness. Haerin picked at her lunch, moving around air through her cheeks while she tried to restrain herself from getting to close to Danielle. Every now and then, one of them would say something small- a teacher neither of them liked and how they were being bitchy in class, an upcoming assignment. And the other would answer.

Danielle clocked the way Haerin was picking at her food whenever she was nervous, the way she was drumming her fingers from her free hand against the table- especially when she was this nervous.

And boy, was Danielle nervous too.

She kept looking over and opening her mouth like she was about to say something before thinking it through, she was glancing over then looking away very quickly. The napkin she had in her hands was fidgeted with until it had eventually been shredded into pieces, crystal clear signs that she was nervous, but Haerin already knew minutes ago that she was.

But as time passed between them- Haerin just couldn’t take it anymore, she breathed out loudly before staring directly as Danielle and saying, “What?”

Danielle froze, like a deer in headlights. Well she does look like a deer in my opinion, big mama d can you hear me? Come back the kids miss you!

“You keep doing that.” Haerin pressed.

“Doing what? I’m not doing nuffing.” Danielle defended herself, dropping the napkin onto the table.

“You’re doing whatever the hell this is.” Haerin hummed, gesturing vaguely.

Danielle looked down at the napkin lying on the table, “Oh… I-I didn’t notice.”

The corner of Haerin’s mouth twitched upward, after that- she started watching her more, watched her stare at her tray, watched her gather her courage that was nonexistent.

Danielle swallowed, then looked up. “Can I… Can I ask you something?” She stammered, barely audible, through the noise of the cafeteria.

Haerin hesitated before remembering Hanni’s words from earlier, then nodded. Danielle’s eyes widened even more than they already were, and the sight might’ve been funny if it wasn’t making Haerin’s heartbeat so fast.

“What is it?”

Danielle let out a low breath, her hand coming up to rub the back of her neck- A nervous habit Haerin has seen for years.

“After school…” Danielle stopped herself, not daring to look into Haerin’s eyes, “After school would you maybe want to go somewhere?” She murmured, saying it so fast Haerin could barely catch what she had said.

After a beat of silence from both parties, Danielle immediately rushed to try and save it, “You don’t have to If you don’t want to, of course! No pressure at all!” Danielle tried, the words tumbling out quickly.

“Depends on where it is.” Haerin replied cooly, relishing on how Danielle visibly relaxed at the response.

“I was thinking…” Danielle paused, fingers rubbing her chin to think- “Maybe in-n-out?”

Of course it was in-n-out. It was their place, not officially. Hungry after Friday Night Lights? In-n-out, bored? In-n-out. They’d spent countless evenings crowded into the same red booths, eating each other’s fries and talking about meaningless things until they were the only ones left.

Haerin could still remember sitting across from Danielle one late summer evening while the sunset turned the windows and everything that came in its way gold. She still remembered laughing so hard with her that her pink lemonade nearly shot of her nose, she would do anything to go back to those days. They were still so carefree, with none of the awkwardness that accompanied them now.

“I just…” Danielle laughed quietly, embarrassed. “I miss hanging out with you.”

Danielle knew Haerin missed it too, they both missed it- missed each other.

Haerin stared down at the table for several long seconds, then finally sighed.

Danielle looked up at the sound, hope flashing across her face she couldn’t hide it. Her eyes turned into crescents, the sadness on her face minutes earlier was nowhere to be found

Haerin rolled her eyes, because if she didn’t, she would be smiling- and she didn’t want to give Danielle that satisfaction just yet. “Okay, but… you’re paying.”

The biggest grin Haerin has seen in weeks spread across Danielle’s face, all 32 teeth showing. It was bright, unrestrained, ridiculously happy. The kind of smile that was infectious- and before Haerin could stop herself, she was infected. Her own lips twitched upwards.

Danielle was practically buzzing in her seat, “Yes! Yes, I’ll pay and give you a ride there and home. I’ll even buy you extra animal fries!”

Haerin couldn’t ignore the unfamiliar warmth spreading through her body anymore, though the distance between them was still very real, it felt smaller now.

Danielle sat behind the wheel with both of her hands firmly at ten and two position, her focus glued onto the road ahead with a level of concentration that was on par with an F1 driver. It would’ve been impressive to Haerin, even a little bit attractive if it wasn’t so obviously a sign of being nervous.

Haerin sat in her usual spot of the passenger seat, staring outside the window. She watched while the streets blurred together- trying her hardest to not look over and stare blatantly at Danielle. It felt too deliberate.

The radio played softly in the background, filling the car with a steady stream of Fleetwood Mac that neither of them really paid attention to.

Danielle, in typical Danielle fashion- would open her mouth every now and then before closing it, and Haerin noticed every time she did. Which is kinda weird considering she was facing the window, but you know what… she might have 360-degree vision you never know!

When the familiar red and yellow signed appeared in the distance, Haerin felt nostalgia wash over her. The parking lot looked the same as it always did, (obviously) Clusters of teenagers were sat around the outdoor tables with overflowing trays of food, nothing changed- but stepping out of the car was like walking into a version of their friendship Haerin wasn’t sure she belonged in.

The smell hit Haerin the moment she entered, the grilled onions, beef sizzling. Like a trained dog- it was a smell that Haerin associated with countless afternoons and evening spent with Danielle.

Danielle made her way to the counter and ordered for the both of them before the other girl could protest, true to her words- she added extra animal fries. Haerin watched from beside her as she spoke to the cashier, amazed at how Danielle knew her order like it was the back of her hand.

It made Haerin feel seen, and she tried to contain her excitement, yet she still drummed her fingers against the counter.

They ended up claiming their usual spot by the back of the establishment, the evening sun was streaming through the glass windows- casting a warm light across the tabletop and making their fast-food look strangely aesthetic. The normalcy of it all made the tension between them feel even more intimate than it should have.

Danielle broke first, “I forgot how crowded this place gets.” She blurted, fiddling with a packet of spread.

Haerin looked up from her burger, which she was unwrapping with surgical precision- “You say that every time we come here.”

A smile tugged at Danielle’s lips, “Do I?”

“All the time.” Haerin smiled back.

“I don’t mean to, y’know. It’s all a test to keep you on your feet.” Danielle teased, laughing quietly. The soft breaths of laughter settled over Haerin like sunlight on a rock, she missed hearing it so up close.

The conversation progressed in small steps, every few sentences one of them would say something that reminded them of how things used to be, and Haerin’s chest would tighten all over again.

“Yaknow, I still remember during sophomore year.” Danielle paused- swallowing her food, “When we would sneak out whenever we had a sleepover just to eat here.”

Haerin grinned, it was bittersweet.

“We should have another sleepover.” Danielle said absentmindedly, and Haerin froze.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to have another sleepover with Danielle, she did… like really really did- but Haerin was more worried on whether she would give into her impulses.

“I don’-“ Haerin stammered out.

Danielle glanced up, realizing what she had just said. You know what? YOLO!

“Ah, Haerin… how many times how do I have to tell you this? It’s fine, like 100 percent fine, yeah no- a million percent fine.”

“I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable-“

“Haerin, I am more than uncomfortable around you.” Danielle slurred, her free hand reaching over to take Haerins.

Danielle couldn’t believe herself- this was another level of bold, like actually- even for her. She relished in the way Haerin froze at the touch, loving how that if Haerin actually had like… ears and such, they would be folded down in embarrassment.

“Danielle-!”

“Hush, Haerin. Don’t think about it too hard, give that pretty head of yours a rest for once.” Danielle murmured- reaching over with a fork and stabbing some of Haerin’s fries for her, since she couldn’t eat with her hands occupied, right?

Danielle’s smile got even brighter, if that was even possible- as she leaned in closer to Haerin, as close as the table between them would let her. She let her plastic fork- with fries on it, sit just in front of Haerin’s closed mouth, asking for permission.

“Open wide…” Danielle encouraged, but Haerin was frozen.

“Dani-“

“Your hands are occupied, clearly. Let me feed you.” Danielle hummed, gesturing to their intertwined hands on the table.

Reluctantly, Haerin opened her mouth- the salty potatoes tasting even better now that Danielle was feeding her. Her face was as red as the tomatoes in her burger, was this even real? Did she get transported into an alternative universe like some crappy shoujo manga?

“Good girl.” Danielle hummed, voice like honey.

Haerin got even redder at the praise, “Dani- what are you doing-?”

Danielle smiled yet again, her fork picking up some more fries before she answered, “Taking care of my adorable best friend and soon to be girlfriend just how she has taken care of me all of these years.”

What.

The.

Fuck!?!?!!!!

“Girlfr- wha?” Haerin sputtered, her brain shutting down.

“I know there’s no labels yet, but I’m plotting on making it official.” Danielle said cooly, like her brain wasn’t going just as crazy as Haerin’s was.

Wow! Nice job, Danielle. Who the hell are you feeling like? The charisma gods must’ve blessed her today.

“You’re… not… joking are you?” Haerin questioned, swallowing another mouthful of fries fed by Danielle.

Danielle looked her straight in the eye, unwavering. “Do I look like I’m joking to you, Kang? Soon enough- that last name will be mine too.” She tightened her grip on their intertwined hands.

For the first time all afternoon, Haerin laughed, a real one.

“Hey, what’s so funny about me professing my undying love for you?”

“Sorry- sorry, you’re just… being so bold.” Haerin snickered.

It felt exactly like before, their laughter faded eventually but the warmth between them remained. Haerin found herself studying Danielle while she continued eating, the sunlight spilling through the windows illuminating the curve of her smile whenever she laughed. It was the most beautiful sight Haerin has ever seen, in her eyes- Danielle looked like a princess.

Danielle’s eyes seemed brighter than they were at school, and Haerin mentally punched herself- she hated how easily her attention gravitated to Danielle despite everything she had done to Haerin, willingly or not.

But a little voice in Haerin’s head was whispering at her, give in, Haerin. Let Danielle love you.

Nonetheless, she pushed the temptations away. Not yet, she thought, were just eating here… as friends. It doesn’t mean anything else- don’t give in Haerin.

Right, cause the ‘friend’ in question is talking about how she wants to take our last name? Haerin, you’re in denial. Just give in! She is so obviously infatuated with you. The angel on Haerin’s shoulder encouraged, just to be shot down by the devil parallel to it.

You never know, Haerin. She could be just playing with you to get you back… It might all be a façade to get you to do shit for her again! The devil huffed.

Please. Just shut up, and let me enjoy this time. Haerin groaned mentally, and the two figurative extraterrestrials vanished, back into the pits of her mind.

Didn’t Danielle just call you her future girlfriend? Anyways, Danielle was finding herself to be distracted in an entirely different way. She would be halfway through some stupid story but forget whatever she was talking about the second she made eye contact with Haerin. Those deep brown pools seemed to wipe her memory whenever she looked into them, and her thoughts would be replaced with nothing but Haerin.

“Yeah- and then, Minjeong thought it would be a good idea to-“ Danielle giggled, before cutting herself off as she looked at Haerin.

Her eyes weren’t any particular color she’d never seen before- Danielle’s spent years looking into them, but they seemed different now. It was probably the patience in them, the way that Haerin made it seem like she was the only person ever worth listening to. Maybe it was the way they held her attention so wholly. Well- whatever it was, it made Danielle forget what nonsense she had been saying.

Everything around her seemed to blur into indistinguishable noise while those eyes kept her grounded, it was like coming home after being away for far too long.

Haerin waited patiently for Danielle to keep talking, she was listening- really listening, giving her full attention to Danielle the way she always had.

“Woah.” Danielle murmured, her jaw dropping as she was pulled in by Haerin’s eyes.

“Huh-? Is there something on my face?” Haerin asked, breaking the weirdly romantic eye-contact to check if there was any food on her face.

“Yeah, there’s definitely something…” Danielle replied, still staring blatantly at Haerin.

“What is it?”

“Beauty…” Danielle mumbled.

Haerin stared at her, did I hear that right? “Beauty?”

The color immediately flooded into Danielle’s face, the boldness from earlier dissipating. “Oh my God, I didn’t mean to say that out loud…” She groaned, covering her face with both hands.

After Haerin teased Danielle a bit more, they eventually gathered their trash and headed toward the exit, the warm evening air greeting them as they stepped out. The sun had almost disappeared entirely now, leaving behind only a faint orange glow on the horizon. Danielle’s car sat beneath one of the parking lot lights, neither of them in a rush to get to it.

The drive back to Haerin’s place was comfortable enough, the awkwardness from the beginning of their endeavor had softened- worn down by the familiar conversation and habits they both weren’t strong enough to break.

Haerin sat besides Danielle in the passenger seat, hands folded loosely across her stomach as she watched the city pass by. The reflection of passing headlights illuminated her face, leaving her catlike features bathed in the soft glow of the dashboard.

A red light forced the car to stop, they were silent- not cause they had run out of things to say like usual, but because both were too nervous to really say what’s on their minds.

Danielle tapped her fingers against the steering wheel to the beat of the song playing on the radio, “I’m in love with you.” by The 1975.

She glanced over, eyes memorizing everything about Haerin- the sight distracted Danielle enough to miss the light turning green, a car honking behind them loudly breaking her out of the Haerin-induced stupor she was in.

Danielle drove forward, a block passed- then another, the words had been sitting in her chest all evening. Each block was getting closer to Haerin’s house, and she knew she would be too pussy to say it.

Eventually, she couldn’t carry them anymore. “Can I tell you something?”

Haerin looked over with the same wary expression she’s had the whole car ride- the question shifting the vibe in the car.

“I don’t… I don’t think I actually liked Minji.”

Haerin grew suspicious, the same walls she put up at the courtyard rebuilding their selves, “Are you saying that cause it’s true, or are you saying it cause you want me to believe you?” She hummed, voice steady.

“It’s the complete, honest truth.” Danielle countered, she could practically hear the unease in Haerin’s voice, no matter how bad she tried to steady it.

“You went on dates with her, Danielle. You even soft-launched her to Clairo.”

“You made me kiss you to practice for Minji.” Haerin sighed, staring forward- her response wasn’t angry, she was just conflicted- she didn’t know what to believe anymore.

“I know I did, and I regret it.” Danielle admitted, she was just as confused.

“Regret kissing me?” Haerin mumbled, tucking her hands into the sleeves of her sweater nervously.

“Of course not.” Danielle replied, a small smile forming on her face.

“It’s just… it’s just confusing, Danielle.” Haerin gulped.

“I know it is, I’m confused too. I really… thought that I liked her, but I really just like the idea of her.” Danielle swallowed, she chose her words carefully. Figuring out her emotions as she was speaking.

“And?” Haerin whispered.

“She was nothing like you, Haerin. You set the bar too high for anybody but you.” Danielle recalled, thinking of all the times Minji would only talk about herself..

Haerin couldn’t help but feel a sense of accomplishment at the praise, despite how depraved it sound. She was proud, she ruined Danielle for anyone else but her.

Danielle looked over at Haerin, the girl she missed even though she was sitting right beside her, just as they slowed to another red light. “Haerin, I hope you know… that I’ve loved you way before Minji came into the picture. Platonic or not, I still love you.”

“I know you do, Danielle. I… I don’t know what to believe.” Haerin muttered- snapping out of her thoughts.

Though Danielle could feel her heart snapping in half, she urged herself to keep talking, “Haerin, what can I do to make you believe me?”

Haerin set her eyes on Danielle, whose face was illuminated by the stoplight turning green. She thought for a moment, what could Danielle do?

 Go down on her-? God, Haerin. Shut up. Maybe… something else.

“Spend more time with me.” Haerin hummed, finally settling on her answer.

Danielle was expecting something much more extravagant than…  simply spending time with Haerin, “That’s… that’s it?”

Haerin nodded, “Yep.” She replied, popping the P

“Well,  I guess I’m already one step ahead of you! We just spent time together, didn’t we?” Danielle grinned, her sonder from early gone just as fast as it had came.

Haerin was silent for another moment, contemplating her next decision carefully.

“I think I’ll take you up on your offer to have another sleepover.” Haerin said cooly, and the girl next to her stiffened.

After a beat, Danielle snapped out of it, her eyes gleaming as if they were stars in the night sky, “Really? Oh my god, like- right now?” she grinned, hands itching to grab onto Haerin and shake her shoulders, but she was driving a 2 ton motor vehicle, so that would have to wait.

“Yes, right now.” Haerin insisted, looking out the window again- it hurt her heart to see Danielle so happy, because of her.

Danielle slammed on the breaks, cutting up on the road like a teenage boy trying to impress his crush- much to the other driver’s dismay, trying to get to Haerin’s as fast as possible. The local Homeowners Association probably already had her license plate written in their notebooks; cause Danielle was going 60 In a school zone.

“Dani-! Slow down…” Haerin urged, bracing herself against the dash as the wavy-haired girl turned sharply.

Danielle sighed, slowing down significantly as she pulled into Haerin’s neighborhood. She parked her car with enough enthusiasm to almost snap the gear stick, and was up and out of the car before Haerin could even unbuckle herself, running up to the entrance happily.

By the time Haerin made it to the front door, Danielle was already inside, taking off her shoes and sprinting up the staircase to Haerin’s room.

“Danielle! Wait up-!” Haerin called after, watching the girls figure retreat up the stairs before Haerin could take off her own shoes.

Haerin rolled her eyes, letting out another long, defeated sigh as she slipped off her sneakers- neatly tucking them into the wall besides the other pairs of sneakers already there, before following the steps of the whirlwind that just invaded the Kang family house. The sound of Danielles excited footsteps were audible from the second floor, and Haerin could recognize it at Danielle getting comfy, a drawer would open- then slam shut, followed by the creak of a closet door opening, then Danielle’s unmistakable honey-like voice humming to herself.

“Seriously…” Haerin muttered under her breath to herself, climbing the stairs two at a time to try and limit the amount of time Danielle had snooping around in her room, “Who gets this excited to go into someone else’s bedroom?”

Well, Danielle does, I guess…

Sure enough, when Haerin finally made it to her doorway- Danielle had already made herself comfortable in her bed, face first in the silk pillowcase- She let out a dramatic groan as she spread her arms across the comforter, Danielle seemed to notice Haerin’s presence and lingering eyes, because she patted the empty space beside her, “Come on, Haerin… we just ate, I need a few minutes to recover.” She mumbled into the blankets, her voice muffled.

Haerin sighed and rolled her eyes, (again??) but she walked over anyway, dropping herself onto the edge of her bed, trying to keep a respectable amount of space between them. Danielle rolled onto her side as she felt the mattress dip to look at Haerin, who was watching Danielle with the eyes of a hawk, or rather a cat.

Danielle turned her head, catching Haerin in the act before she could look away.

“Come closer.” She smiled, deciding to not tease about the staring.

Haerin shuffled a couple inches closer, still sitting up.

“Come on… that’s not what I meant.” Danielle urged, nudging Haerin’s shoulder.

“Okay, okay…” Haerin complied, laying down on the bed, facing away from Danielle- as if she was expecting the girl to spoon her.

“Haerin! Face me.” Danielle huffed yet again.

Reluctantly, Haerin rolled over again, her face now mere inches away from Danielles. She couldn’t help but stare at her, the freckles dotting her cheeks- the way her eyes glimmered in the dark, the brown strands framing her fac-

“Hey, whaddya looking at?” Danielle challenged, snapping Haerin out of her daze.

“Sorry, just thinking.” Haerin thought up, quickly averting her gaze from Danielle, but it was pretty hard considering her body filled Haerin’s field of view.

“Thinking about me, I hope.” Danielle teased, narrowing her eyes before a grin spread across her face.

Haerin felt heat creep up into her cheeks instantly, “No I wasn’t…”

“Then what were you thinking about, hmm?” Danielle protested.

“Uh, the… the Fundamental Principles of the Metaphysic of Morals, by Immanuel Kant.” Haerin blurted.

“Got me there, nerd. But- you were totally staring at me!” Danielle countered.

“It’s hard not to stare when you’re so close to me,” Haerin said- and instantly wished she could take back the words, as she watched Danielle’s grin spread wider.

Danielle inched forward just enough for the tip of her nose to lightly brush Haerin’s, “Oh, really? Are you nervous when you get close to me like this, Haerinnie?”  She pushed further, the words dripping with playful amusement as she watched every tiny change in Haerin’s expression.

Haerin swallowed, “No-no, calm- actually.”

Danielle let out a laugh so soft, it barely rose above a whisper, her warm breath hitting Haerin’s face and it making it hotter than it already was, “You’re such a terrible liar, you know.”

“I’m not lying, Dani!”

Danielle laughed, tilting her head ever so slightly as she continued her teasing, “Oh yeah? Then look me in the eye and say you’re not nervous right now.” She hummed, reaching down and taking Haerin’s hand in hers.

Haerin did the exact opposite, her eyes darted away- settling on Danielle’s shoulder instead, studying the fabric of her hoodie with the precision of the Good Doctor, she could feel Danielle’s eyes staring at her, waiting patiently for something she knew would never come.

“There,” Danielle declared victoriously, her voice warm with the satisfaction of being right, “See? You can’t even bring yourself to do it.”

“I can- it’s just… you’re being really bold today, Danielle.” Haerin huffed- her eyes making another lap on anything besides Danielle’s face.

“Then do it.” Danielle pushed, her thumb rubbing over the back of Haerin’s hand.

Slowly, Haerin turned her head back- her eyes painfully dragging theirselves away from whatever they had been looking at and into Danielle’s deep brown orbs, and she almost regretted it- since the moment their eyes met, every coherent thought Haerin had managed to gather evaporated.

Danielle was still smiling, not as teasing as earlier, but it was still impossibly wide. The darkness of the room made her eyes seem even brighter than usual, reflecting the faint moonlight coming from the window besides her bed, and Haerin found herself frozen all over again. The proximity of it all made it even worse, Danielle’s hands on hers- the closeness of their bodies, lips so close that in one, swift move Haerin could capture them.

“Well? You gonna say it?” Danielle prompted, inching closer.

“I…” Haerin started, before losing her train of thought the longer she looked into Danielle’s eyes, “What was I supposed to say again?” she mumbled.

Danielle burst out into laughter, throwing her head back. “Oh my god, Haerin-!” Danielle wheezed, lightly shoving the malfunctioning girls shoulder, shaking her head in disbelief. “I watched It happen- you blue screened!”

“I had- I had other things on my mind!” Haerin defended herself, internally wincing at how Danielle had shuffled back, the space between them growing.

Danielle grinned mischievously before closing the tiny gap between them once more,  close enough for Haerin to instinctively hold her breath “Like what? About white philosophers who died 200 years ago?”

Haerin let out the smallest groan, shuffling over and dropping her head dramatically onto the pillow they were laying on, “Nieztsche is German, not white.”

Danielle shuffled forward, nudging Haerin for her to face her again, Haerin complied begrudgingly, pouting ever so slightly. Then Danielle smiled- that same, easy carefree smile she’s worn all afternoon, her hand snaking itself around the back of Haerin’s neck and gently bumping their foreheads together for the briefest second.

Haerin tried to pull away, her neck straining against Danielle’s steady hand. If anything, Danielle lingered- the foreheads still touching as a moment of silence settled between them. For once, they didn’t seemed interested in filling the quiet in with another joke.

Haerin could feel Danielle’s steady breathing against her face, it was distracting.

She knew she should lean back, say something- put space between them, roll over and face the opposite way, do literally anything but stay frozen inches away from her insanely hot best friend, instead- she remained exactly where she was, as if moving an inch would shatter the tension between them.

“You’re really quiet…” Danielle whispered, her eyes lingering on Haerin’s face.

“So are you.” Haerin retaliated, eyes flicking down to Danielle’s plump lips.

“I know.” Danielle said, barely above a whisper- her hand came up, fingertips lightly caught the loose strand of hair on her forehead, gently tucking it behind Haerin’s ear before beginning to pull her hand away, but she didn’t get far.

Haerin’s fingers wrapped around her wrist softly before they could get far, just enough to stop her.

Danielle’s heart skipped a beat as Haeri turned her hand over, letting their fingertips intertwine with one another- their palms settling against each other, neither of them making any effort to separate.

“Your hands are awfully cold.” Danielle murmured, thumb rubbing the cold skin.

“They just needed another person’s hand to be near.” Haerin said smoothly, tightening her grip on Danielle’s hand.

Danielle’s eyes wandered over Haerin’s face for what seemed like the millionth time that day, the curve of her cheekbones, the purse of her lips- but her eyes were lingering on the blush that still hadn’t faded from her cheeks before looking up and meeting her eyes again, she looked at her with an unexpected gentleness that made Haerin’s heart beat faster than a race car.

Another slow pass of Danielle’s thumb sent warmth creeping up Haerin’s fingertips, slowly defrosting the cold- the warmth made it all the way up to her chest, her pulse becoming impossible to ignore. Haerin couldn’t remember a time when she’d been this aware of another person, nonetheless- had somebody so close to her. Well, except for all the times they were kissing- it’s different now.

Danielle’s cheeks had taken on the faintest pink hue, a stark difference to the confidence she’d carried minutes ago, and Haerin realized she wasn’t the only one whose heart might be racing.

Their eyes met again, catlike eyes on Danielle’s doe eyes, this time, neither of them broke the eye-contact- the distance between them seemed to dissipate on its own, and Danielle’s gaze lingered on Haerin’s lips for less than a heartbeat before drifting back up to her eyes.

Haerin noticed, of course.

Instead of panicking, instead of making another excuse or retreating, she gave in- simply staying right where she was, letting Danielle ogle at her. Haerin gave Danielle’s hand the softest squeeze, and Danielle returned it without hesitation.

Danielle’s free hand went up to trace the line of Haerin’s jaw with her thumb, fingers stopping right under her lips, pulling Haerin flush against her, “May I?” she rasped, eyes flicking between the plump lips millimeters away and the eyes above.

Haerin nodded, she’d wanted this mouth on hers for months, not in the way before- like this, and now that it was happening- she wanted to savor the moment. Haerin let out a small whimper as Danielle’s thumb brushed over the soft, red tissue. Haerin’s hand shimmied its way out of Danielles iron grip, combing her fingers through the curly hair at the nape of her neck, which washed tingles down Danielle’s back as she closed the distance between their mouths.

Danielle leaned forward only slightly, letting Haerin decide if she wanted to pull away or not- but instead she met her halfway. Danielle kissed Haerin like she’s forgotten any other mouth that she’s touched. All of the tension building up in them until this point left their body, weeks of uncertainty- it all melted away as their lips met. Haerin felt it too, her shoulders relaxing like she remembered how to breathe, her knees feeling weirdly weak despite no weight being put on them.

 The curly haired girl began to get more desperate, unable to help herself- her fingers tightened on the cusp of Haerin’s jaw as she nibbled on her lower lip, her other hand wrapping around Haerin’s waist and pulling their bodies flush against each other.

Haerin broke it just as she felt Danielle’s tongue asking for permission to enter, pulling away with her chest heaving with wide eyes, as Danielle observed Haerin with her half-lidded ones. She looked equally breathless, but a lazy smile began spreading across her lips. She retracted her hand cupping Haerin’s cheek, tucking it beneath her head- looking at Haerin with unmistakable fondness in her eyes.

 “I think that was a bit better than all the practice kisses.” She said softly- voice a bit raspy from their kiss.

“Just a little?” Haerin asked, breathing finally beginning to steady.

“A truckload more.”

“I’m still not convinced, you know.” Haerin teased, smiling before she even realized. The kind of smile Danielle was glad she’s the reason for.

Danielle’s grin widened, “Want me to kiss you again? Just to make sure?”

Haerin shook her head best as she could, pressed so close to Danielle- “You’re unbelievable.”

“But you love me.”

“Too bad I do.” Haerin hummed, the words slipped out naturally.

A faint blush spread across Danielle’s already red cheeks, her teasing smile turning awestruck, “You said it.”

“I’ve wasted enough time pretending otherwise.” Haerin admitted

Danielle reached over, the comforter rustling as she took hold of Haerin’s hand once again- intertwining them familiarly, “So,” she said quietly- unable to stop the stupid grin on her face, “My girlfriend?”

Haerin squeezed her hand, “I’ve been yours for a long time now.”