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Wake Up and Smell the Shitposts

Summary:

Gonna skate into the dms ;;)))

was probably high when i wrote this don't take it seriously

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter 1: "....im getting a divorce"

Chapter Text

Sent 11-24-15 at 02:30

 

+guanghongji+: Leo

 

leo_dli: Guang-Hong

 

+guanghongji+: no ur supposed to say ‘what my dear guang-hong? I care so much for you and would be deeply interested in listening to you complain at two am every day for the rest of my life!’

 

leo_dli: um...ok?

 

leo_dli: what my dear guang-hong? I care so much for you and would be deeply interested in listening to you complain at two am every day for the rest of my life!

 

+guanghonji+: im glad you asked! Now, there’s something i’ve needed to get off my chest for awhile that could very well change our relationship. Promise me you wont hate me for telling you this?

 

leo_dli: is this abt u stealing my spaghetti after Skate America bc i already know

 

+guanghongji+:....no....but how’d you figure out?

 

leo_dli:....i literally watched you take it from the fridge…

 

+guanghongji+: oh.....well, anyway, u ready for the big news?

 

leo_dli: you make it sound like ur pregnant

 

+guanghongji+: haha very funny

 

+guanghongji+: what i wanted to say is that......

 

leo_dli: ?

 

+guanghongji+:.......

 

leo_dli: ??

 

+guanghongji+: ............

 

leo_dli: ?????

 

+guanghongji+: .........................

 

leo_dli: guang-hong

 

+guanghongji+: fiiiiiineeeee ill say it

 

+guanghongji+: I’m.....in love with you!!!!

 

leo_dli: ...........

 

leo_dli: Guang-Hong

 

+guanghongji+: yes?

 

leo_dli: .........

 

leo_dli: we’ve literally been dating for a year

 

+guanghongji+: oh shit ur right

 

 

v-nikiforov posted a photo: at the airport with @yuuri_katsuki! #Japan #Airport #withthebae

 

 

Sent 11-24-15 at 09:47

 

phichit+chu: omg Yuuri

 

phichit+chu: if anyone had doubts abt ur relationship theyre gone now!

 

phichit+chu: I’m actually crying rip my heart

 

phichit+chu: ….

 

phichit+chu: Yuuri?

 

phichit+chu: oh the silent treatment:

 

phichit+chu: fine. forget my visit to Japan!

 

phichit+chu: I’m going to Leo’s instead for Christmas!

 

phichit+chu: goodbye Yuuri!

 

 

Sent 11-24-15 at 18:22

 

yuuri_katsuki: omg Phichit

 

yuuri_katsuki: my phone died

 

yuuri_katsuki: I’m sorry!

 

yuuri_katsuki: ……

 

yuuri_katsuki: Phichit?

 

phichit+chu: ur lucky i love u so much

 

yuuri_katsuki: aw thanks :)

 

phichit+chu: im still pissed tho

 

yuuri_katsuki: :(

 

phichit+chu: KIDDING! Aw yuuri im sorry! I forgive u too!

 

yuuri_katsuki: :)

 

yuuri_katsuki: now if you dont mind me I’d like to get some rest before I have to deal with people hate stalking my Instagram

 

phichit+chu: lol good luck

 

yuuri_katsuki: bye :)

 

 

v-nikiforov posted a photo: My Yuuri is so tired! #sleepy #naptimewithyuuri #aw

 

 

Sent 11-24-15 at 21:10

 

yuri-plisetsky: you guys are gross

 

yuri-plisetsky: get a room

 

v-nikiforov: as you may have noticed, my dear Yura, we are indeed in a room

 

v-nikiforov: my bedroom to be specific :)

 

yuri-plisetsky: fuck off

 

v-nikiforov: jealous?

 

yuri-plisetsky: no why would I be?

 

v-nikiforov: weelllllll a little birdie told me you two had a touching moment after the competition :)

 

yuri-plisetsky: .....

 

yuri-plisetsky: ...maybe

 

v-nikiforov: Yay! Our son is finally getting along with his parents! :)

 

yuri-plisetsky: ...bye

 

v-nikiforov: Bye Yurio!

 

yuri-plisetsky:....bye...dad...

 

v-nikiforov: YURIOILOVEYOUSON

 

 

+guanghongji+ commented on v-nikiforov’s photo: Wow!

 

 

Sent 11-25-15 at 02:01

 

+guanghongji+: leo

 

leo_dli: we arent doing this again are we

 

+guanghongji+: no i just wanted to say ily bae

 

leo_dli: ....ok

 

+guanghongji+: .....

 

+guanghongji+: ....im getting a divorce

 

leo_dli: guang-hong

 

leo_dli: we arent even married

 

leo_dli: also u know im a terrible flirt

 

+guanghongji+: ...ik

 

+guanghongji+: i just wanted to say goodnight! and...

 

+guanghongji+: ...i really miss you when you’re gone….

 

leo_dli: Guang-Hong I miss you too

 

leo_dli: i swear we’ll see each other again soon. Oh and SNS!

 

+guanghongji+: yeah….but SNS just isn’t the same….

 

leo_dli: we’ll make this work. We always have.

 

+guanghongj+: yeah….

 

leo_delaiglesia:What time is it there? 3:00? I shouldn’t keep you up. Go to sleep, alright?

 

+guanghongji+: its 2. Goodnight Leo!

 

leo_dli: Goodnight Guang-Hong

 

Sent 11-25-15 at 04:56

 

christophe-gc: yuuri

 

christophe-gc: i guess this is the wrong time to give a booty call?

 

christophe-gc: yuuri?

 

yuri_katsuki: hi this is victor

 

yuri_katsuki: what do you want

 

christophe-gc: ...shit

 

Sent 11-25-16 at 08:32

 

yuuri_katsuki: hi chris

 

yuuri_katsuki: i dont know how victor got into my instagram, but whatever

 

yuuri_katsuki: also im not interested. ever. thanks