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Emma had a habit of wrapping herself up in blankets like a cocoon when she was young.
When she’d be moved from one place to another and everything felt strange and new she would cover herself in a blanket. Tucked inside a warm dark space, she would feel almost safe at a time when she was desperate for security. But she hadn’t done so in many years. Hadn’t felt the paralyzing fear and anxiety of her youth since she grew strong enough to fight, and wise enough to keep people out.
Which was why finding herself in her current position, covered in comforters on her couch, without the will to move, was troubling. Especially because she couldn’t keep track of time. She knew her son had come by at some point and tried to speak to her but she could barely make herself reply. She didn’t eat or sleep, she didn’t want to and couldn’t remember the last time she had.
She just kept seeing Hook’s face over and over. So much like that man’s… His screaming echoed through her head. It wouldn’t stop. She knew she needed help of some kind, but she couldn’t bring herself to ask for it. She only hoped she could pull herself together before everyone worried too much. Little did she know it was already too late for that.
XXXX
“Emma.”
Regina addresses a vaguely human shaped lump of blankets on the couch.
“Henry let me in. He’s been worried.”
“I’m fine?” It comes out hoarse and hesitant.
Regina scoffs and takes a seat beside the covered figure.
Henry had come to Regina with concerns about his blonde mother. He’d told her she was acting strange but he hadn’t really gone into detail. He didn’t need to. Not having heard from Emma in days, Regina had already started to worry.
“I’d like to see your face while we have this conversation Miss Swan.”
Apparently the Miss Swan things still has an affect on the woman because she pushes her head out of the blankets and turns glassy eyes on Regina.
“I’m fine. Just a little under the weather. Take Henry and go.”
Regina spots a darkening black eye and knows immediately something terrible has occurred. She reaches out a hand grabs Emma’s chin, tilting her face up for a better view.
“How did you get this?” Regina questions, growing increasingly worried. Emma flinches away, stiff.
“What does it look like, I got punched.”
“Who did this to you?”
“I don’t want to talk about it?”
“Well that’s too bad because we have to. Clearly something has happened to you. Talk to me Emma?” Regina pleads. Regina can sense that something is wrong and she’s desperate, despite herself, to find out what.
“Where’s the pirate?” The silence that follows that causes a sick feeling to grow in Regina’s stomach. “Emma-”
“We broke up.... He left. I’m pretty sure he’s not coming back.”
“Emma did he do this?” Regina watched as Emma begins to shake, a little at first but it continues until her whole body is almost convulsing as she tries desperately to fend off tears. Emma’s teeth are clenched so hard all that’s coming out is a high keening sound. Startled it takes a few seconds but Regina wraps both arms around Emma and squeezes firmly, murmuring in her ear.
“It’s okay. Let it out Emma. You’re safe. You’re safe.” With those words Emma collapses fully into her arms, chest sobbing, tears streaming down her face.
They stay like that on the couch for a long time. Emma sobbing and Regina holding her, reminding her “You’re safe. I’ve got you. You’re safe,” over and over until Emma is finally able to draw a deep breath and her tears have ceased.
Regina pulls back to look at Emma, hands cradling her face.
“Why didn’t you heal your eye with your magic?” She asks, curious not accusing.
Emma looks away. “I wanted to feel it. I felt like, I deserved it. I mean what kind of idiot do I have to be to stay with a man like that? To have him around our son? How did I let it get this far.” Emma’s breath comes quicker, Regina can sense an impending panic attack and makes to stop it immediately.
“Don’t you dare blame yourself for this Emma Swan. Under no circumstances do you deserve to be hurt, especially not by someone who claims to love you. Someone you trust.”
Emma stares at her silently, trying to gauge the truthfulness of her words. She nods slightly.
“Go shower. You’re coming over for dinner tonight. No arguments.” Regina points towards the stairs with a small frown.
Emma moves to get up but her body betrays her. Her knees buckle after only a few steps, luckily Regina has been watching closely and steps in. She slings an arm around Emma’s waist and helps her up the stairs slowly. She sits her on the bed and gathers something clean for her. Then she leaves the woman to bathe (because god forbid her knees give out while she’s showering and the woman cracks her head open without Regina’s assistance).
After about half an hour Regina decides to check and see if Emma is alright.
“Emma.” Silence.
“Emma I’m coming in.” Regina opens the door and immediately spots the woman exactly where she left her. Arms tight around her knees, she shakes, her eyes unseeing. It’s apparent Emma is not really present in her body. Regina reaches out a hand tentatively and grasps the blonde’s shoulder.
“Emma.”
Instead of a response Regina sees a fist flying towards her, dead eyes staring through her. She just barely manages to dodge the punch. Using her magic to restrain the blonde's arms as she coos to her.
“Emma. Come back to me. You’re in Storybrooke. You’re okay. I’m here.”
Slowly she sees recognition dawn in the woman’s eyes.
“Regina, I’m- I’m naked. And you’re wet? Oh God did I hurt you?” Emma looks instantly petrified.
“No no. I’m fine.”
“I’m sorry I…” Emma trails off. She sits shaking in cold bathwater eyes sad and hollow, and Regina feels her heart twisting inside her chest.
“It’s alright. We’re both alright. Come on, you should get dry. You must be cold.”
Emma nods numbly.
Slowly Regina helps Emma dry off and get dressed. She forgoes a car journey instead poofing them to the mansion.
While Emma picks at a meal Regina forced upon her, the brunette speaks to their son. Confirming that Emma will be staying with the night.Then she tucks the woman into a guest room.
Regina stays up through the night, worrying about her friend. She’s already awake when the woman begins to scream in her sleep and doesn’t hesitate to go to her, restraining her with magic until she can pull the blonde out of whatever terrible dream she’s enduring, as Henry looks on in fear and concern.
By the time the sun rises, Regina has gotten barely an hour of sleep but her mind will not rest. She knows trying for more is futile so she rises and heads downstairs to make breakfast.
XXXX
Regina hears Emma shuffle into the kitchen. She turns briefly to look her over; the sight isn’t a good one. The woman looks red eyed and pale. She plunks herself on a stool at the island in her pjs, blanket still wrapped around her like a cape. Regina turns her attention back to the pan on the stove.
“How did you sleep?”
“Umh, not too well actually.”
Regina knows Emma must truly feel awful to admit that. She is almost as bad about admitting to not being well as the mayor herself. Once again it strikes her how alike they are. Emma Swan is a proud fool. It is a trait they share.
“I think I’d like to stay for a few days, if you’ll have me.”
Regina breathes out a sigh. She had been worried about attempting to convince the blonde she should stay. It’s obvious Emma isn’t well enough to be left alone. She is glad the woman has decided to stay without any prompting.
“That isn’t a problem.”
The two share a look. Regina communicating, “you can stay as long as you need, I am here for you.” Emma simply saying, “thank you, I am ashamed to admit it but I need you.”
“I’ll be fine in a few days.”
“There’s no rush Emma,” Regina offers, placing a hand on the woman’s shoulder.
And she means it. She knows how much time healing can take.
“Have you spoken to anyone about... ”
“Yeah I had a counsellor in jail. He diagnosed me with PTSD. I have flashbacks and nightmares. They had mostly gone away but I guess this whole thing with Hook…”
Regina nods. “And how do you deal with them.”
“I just need to feel safe for a while. I think being here with you and your magic will help. The blankets also. They’re a coping mechanism I guess. My counsellor encouraged it. The way you found me, I haven’t been like that since I was a kid. But the warmth and the darkness, it helps.”
Regina places a perfect grilled cheese in front of the blonde. She merely eyes it dazedly, which compounds Regina’s worry.
She wanted to make things better for her friend. Help in some way beyond offering up her space, be proactive. But if Emma won’t eat her cooking what is there left for her to do.
She decides a little enchantment would be fine. She would never do magic on Emma without her consent unless it were life or death, but perhaps a nice blanket. Higher quality than any she’s ever known, enchanted to bring her comfort and give off the smell of the place or person that makes her feel most safe.
That night she hands the magical gift to a surprised Emma. A cashmere blanket, yellow and fluffy. Large enough to comfortably swallow the woman whole.
“You didn’t have to-”
“I know. It wasn’t being used so I thought- if you don’t want it-”
“No I do. I - thanks Regina.”
The compulsion to reach out and hug Emma comes upon her suddenly but she swallows it down.
“Yes well.” Regina clears her throat. “Goodnight Emma.”
“Night Regina.”
Emma still screams in her sleep but Regina would swear the dreams are at least, less violent. She hopes the blanket is offering the woman some semblance of comfort.
XXXX
“I’m going to stay in my own house tonight,” Emma declares, gaze defiant. “I appreciate you letting me stay so long but I think, maybe it would help to be back in my own space... or something. Maybe I would sleep better.”
It’s been a terrible week. Emma doesn’t say that she can’t stand to worry the brunette and their son anymore. Can’t stand the sight of the deepening bags under their eyes. Every time they wake her from a screaming nightmare, every time they yawn over breakfast, she feels the guilt slash through her. She is absolutely dreading the thought of waking up alone in that house. Where memories of Hook bombard her every second. She’s not looking forward to the irrational fear that blooms and overwhelms during the night hours. Fear Hook will come back, fear she’ll kill him if she sees him again. Fear she won’t be able to move at all. Instead she ignores the worry and hurt that flash through Regina and Henry’s eyes as she stands and makes her way towards the door.
“I’ll be alright. I’m the saviour remember.” She runs a thumb over her son’s furrowed brow before pulling him into a hug.
Regina nods stiffly, eyes inscrutable. She raises a hand, before clenching it and bringing up back down to her side.
“Goodnight Emma. I hope you get some rest.”
Emma shoots her a wan smile, itching to reach out and...
“Night Regina. Kid.” She waves before turning abruptly and starting home. She resists the urge to look back, missing dark eyes following her all the way down the block.
The house is silent and immediately imposing when she enters. She can already tell she won’t be getting much sleep.
Emma pours herself a drink and slumps onto the couch, pulling a nearby blanket around her. It’s nothing like the one Regina had given her and she wishes she hadn’t been so stubborn and left it at the mansion. This one isn’t as soft, nor does it smell faintly of Regina. Emma tries to convince herself that’s a good thing. She has to do this without crutches.
She doesn’t really try to sleep, too frightened she’ll fall into one of her more traumatizing dreamscapes without someone nearby to pull her out. Instead she sits up through the night, mind on Mifflin street, eyes on the window waiting for daybreak.
When light dawns she dresses slowly, pours herself her 8 th cup of coffee in the last twelve hours and shuffles out the door off to work, hoping the town stays quiet for the day. She knows she would stand no chance against an unexpected enemy in her current condition.
XXXX
The click of heels announce an approaching presence calling Emma’s attention. She’s been completely out of it all day. Not that there’s been much to do beyond her standard boring patrols and some light paperwork. She doesn’t know how long she’s been zoned out when Regina comes into view.
“Hey.”
“I brought lunch.” Regina’s eyes flicker over her face, lines around them deepening in barely concealed concern.
“It doesn’t look like you’ve slept much.”
“Ow. That bad huh?”
“You’ve looked better dear. Have you eaten?”
Emma gestures to the chair across from her while shaking her head.
“No I completely forgot. Super busy, you know. Gotta keep my score up in trash can basketball.”
Regina huffs, as she unpacks the take out from Granny’s. A salad for herself and a chicken burger for Emma. Close to what she would have ordered but a healthy alternative, Regina’s idea of a compromise. She takes a bite and groans, suddenly realizing how hungry she is.
“Thanks for this. I’ll pay you back.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Regina scoffs, tucking into her own meal. “This is what friends do, is it not?”
They make sustained eye contact and Emma knows the brunette is alluding to more than just lunch.
“I’m fine Regina. You don’t have to check up on me.”
Regina looks sceptical. “You insist you’re fine but you just admitted you forgot to feed yourself. You, Emma Swan, the always hungry, bottomless pit.”
Emma sighs before placing the remaining half of her burger back down. She’d left the mayoral mansion last night hoping to ease the woman’s fears but it appears that was a wasted effort.
“I need to do this alone for a while Regina. I appreciate you coming with lunch but I just....I need a few days okay? To try to be better.”
Regina’s face closes off as she immediately gets to her feet.
“Fine. You know where to find me when you decide to stop being stubborn and accept my help.”
“Regina wait-”
“It’s fine Emma. I hear you. I’ll leave you alone.” Regina sweeps out of the station before Emma can react. Her eyes linger on the door long after the other woman has gone.
XXXX
It’s a week before The Charmings show up at Regina’s door. A week in which she has slept only fitfully, mind occupied with worry for her friend. Her son has grown increasingly withdrawn and she’s been unable to pry his worries out of him.
So when The Charmings show up, faces filled with concern she knows what she has to do.
Regina hasn’t always known when to pull back. She hasn’t had many friends in her life and is sometimes unsure of where to draw the line. When to push and when to let people struggle through on their own. It’s clear she’s chosen the wrong option this time.
“Regina. We need your help.” Snows turns those large, whoa filled eyes on her and she can feel the guilt already rising within. Because she could have, should have done more to prevent this situation from reaching this point.
“Come in.”
She ushers her guests inside, closing the door behind them.
“We won’t be long. We came to ask you for some help with-”
“Emma. Yes I know.”
“You know what’s wrong. Can you tell us? We’ve been so worried and she refuses to talk about it at all.” Snow wrings her hands fretfully.
“She hasn’t been herself all week. I don’t think she’s sleeping. She refuses lunch. Sometimes I come back from patrol and she doesn’t seem to have moved an inch. She’s just sat staring at nothing. I was concerned before, but today I went to tap her on the shoulder and she pulled her gun on me,” David confesses, voice pained. “She didn’t even seem to recognize me right away. She looked right through me.”
Regina’s frown deepens. Apparently this is worse than she thought. Still, she knows it’s not her place to tell them what happened or what Emma is struggling with.
“If she doesn’t want to tell you I can’t go behind her back and do it.”
“We have a right to know what’s happening to our daughter!” David booms. He pulls his shoulders back, face red with barely suppressed anger fed by worry.
Regina reminds herself she would be behaving much the same or perhaps worse if it was Henry they were talking about. “I understand your concern Charming,” she starts tone forced calm, “but it’s not my place to-”
“This has something do with Hook doesn’t it?”
Regina turns to Snow in surprise. She’s grateful Snow appears to be less dense and more observant of her first born than she once was. David looks between them confused. “What about Hook?...Wait a second, where has he been? I haven’t seen him around?”
Regina ignores David, leaving it to Snow to fill her husband in later. “I can’t confirm that Snow.” The two share a look, understanding passing between them.
“Will you help her then? She listens to you Regina. She told you what’s going on. She won’t let us in, she still doesn’t trust us.”
The anguish in Snow’s voice pushes Regina to comfort her.
“It’s not about not trusting you. I think... Emma still struggles with being the child you want. She still struggles to believe that you’ll still want her if she’s weak.”
“That’s nonsense. She’s the strongest person we know.”
“I am aware. It isn’t logical or true but it’s how she feels.” Regina looks both of the Charmings over. She feels united with them in their concern for Emma, connected in a way that sometimes still surprises her. The love she feels for this people she once hated sneaks up on her sometimes.
“Send her here. I will deal with this.”
Emma’s parents leave after offering her words of thanks. She calls Henry to inform him his mother is coming for dinner before mentally revising her plans for that evening. She’ll be making Emma’s favourite in the hopes that it will encourage her to eat and to stay.
When Emma shows up at her door, she can’t resist the urge to run her hands over the woman’s face and arms as if checking for injuries. She finds nothing on the surface of course, Emma’s pain lies deeper and isn’t easily fixed.
Surprised, Emma makes no move to shift from her grasp, instead leaning into the hand cupping her jaw.
“You look worse. I didn’t think it was possible.”
Emma’s lips tip up in a shy smile. She hums out a non-committal noise, tilting towards Regina as her eyes close.
Getting a hold of herself Regina steps back. “Henry is already at the table, go wash up and take a seat.”
“You called me here for dinner?” Emma blinks slowly in confusion.
“For a start.” Regina turns without further comment, moving back into the kitchen to collect the food. She returns to the dining room to see Henry and Emma speaking in low voices, heads bowed together. Emma’s stomach growls as she looks warily from the steaming lasagne Regina places on the table to the woman herself.
“Right so not that I’m not happy to be here and excited to have your famous lasagne. But I thought we were...fighting?”
Regina just looks at her before pointing to Emma’s plate. “Eat.” Her tone brooks no argument and both Emma and Henry are quick to comply. She watches Emma chew mechanically, eyes drifting closed before snapping open again. When it looks as if she can’t eat any more Regina clears the table and sends them both to the living room.
“Henry has been worried about you Miss Swan. Yet he’s refused to tell me that was the case. I would not have known how bad off you were if your parents hadn’t come to me for help.”
Emma swallows. She open her mouth to speak but thinks better of it at Regina’s glare.
“You made Henry promise not to talk to me about you. That was both manipulative and cowardly.”
Henry looks between his mothers, concerned.
Emma makes no move to respond, nodding, eyes on the ground.
“Now I let you push me away before. You said you wanted to deal with this on your own but it’s clear you haven’t been. So you’re staying here until further notice.”
Emma eyes snap up. “I don’t need to-”
“ENOUGH! Look at your son. Look at what this is doing to him, to your parents. David told me you almost shot him today.”
Henry gasps, eyes wide.
“I-it-I just got confused for a second.”
“You could have hurt him Emma, because you’re so tired you can’t function. You need sleep and I know you can’t get any alone in that house. So you will stay here and let Henry and I help. I will not allow you to be a danger to yourself and others, that’s final.”
“I’m not a child. I don’t have to do what you say,” Emma huffs. Regina stares down the petulant glare Emma shoots her. Finally the blonde rolls her eyes, “Fine whatever I’ll stay.” Regina knows she’s not imagining the relief she sees in Emma’s eyes. Of course Emma is so stubborn she refuses to ask for help if she thinks it will put anyone out in any way. She should have known. Despite her own unwillingness to depend on others coming from a place of distrust, this is another trait they share.
XXXX
Emma wakes up to firm hands on her shoulders holding her down into the mattress. She soaked with sweat and her face wet with tears. Her throat aches and she knows she’s been screaming in her sleep again.
She looks up into worried brown eyes and tries to speak but her words catch in her throat, breathing still shallow.
“It’s okay. You don’t need to say anything. I’ve got you. You’re safe.” Regina chants words of comfort in a near whisper, eyes never leaving hers.
“I’m so sorry. I don’t-I can’t.” She can’t quite hold back the sob this time.
Regina seems to hesitate before coming to a decision. She slides under the covers beside Emma and pulls the crying woman into her chest. Distantly Emma thinks this should feel weird. This intimate comfort Regina is offering should feel awkward and bring her shame, instead she feels content. Her ear is positioned right over Regina’s heart, steadily beating away. The rhythm calms her.
“I want to tell you what they’re about I just...”
Regina brings a hand up to her head, running fingers carefully through tangled blonde tresses.
“Sleep now. We’ll talk later.”
“Stay with me? I’m...I’m scared.” She feels the hand pause before starting it’s movements again.
“I’ll be right here.”
XXXX
When she gains consciousness again Emma is met with the feeling of warm arms wrapped around her waist, soft legs entwined in hers and steady breathing against her neck. The grip is not overbearing or smothering like Hook’s often was. Instead of feeling trapped Emma feels secure in a way similar to the feeling she gets being cocooned in blankets. When she realizes the only person it could possibly be is Regina, she stiffens in fright.
If she moves that could wake Regina and she has no idea how Regina would handle this. Yell at her for taking advantage, withdraw and choose to pretend this never happened? Both feasible options, the thought of which, makes Emma feel sick to her stomach. Should she try to slip out discretely? She’s still trying to come a decision when Regina speaks.
“Stop freaking out. I can hear you panicking.” Regina’s voice is raspy with sleep and mirthful. Emma can feel a slight upturn in the lips pressed against her neck.
“I’m not I just...I didn’t know how you would react to us waking up like this. I mean this is...weird right? Or it should be?”
Regina isn’t freaking out. She lets out a slight chuckle which vibrates against Emma’s skin. It sends a shiver up her spine.
“Hmmm. Perhaps it should be. Am I making you uncomfortable?”
“No. The opposite actually. I feel...safe.”
“Good.”
Silence settles around them. Emma must have drifted off again. She’s not sure how much time has passed when she feels Regina carefully disentangling their bodies.
“Time to get up I think. Sleep as long as you like. You need it.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Having you here wards off the nightmares. I wouldn’t want to undo all the rest I’ve already gotten,” Emma admits with a shy smile.
“Alright. Well then come along. We can talk while I prepare breakfast.”
They make their way down to the kitchen and Emma plants herself at the island, blanket wrapped around her shoulders. The deja vu is palpable.
“You said you’d like to tell me about your dreams,” Regina prompts quietly. “No pressure of course. I just...I’d like to help. Maybe talking about them will help get them out of your head?”
“Is that what happened with yours?”
Regina stops beating the eggs for omelets. She looks up slowly.
“No. Then again I never had anyone who wanted to listen.”
She returns to preparing the food, waiting for Emma to begin whenever she’s ready.
“I had some pretty awful foster parents over the years. Some bad mothers but it was the men that left the real impression. They were loud and large and frightening to my young mind. The raised voices of men...”
Regina looks up without comment. Her face is neutral. Emma knows she couldn’t stand the pity right now, wouldn’t be able to carry on if she saw any.
“It triggers flashbacks sometimes. Men screaming, things breaking, sends me right back to that six-year-old girl cowering, wrapped in a blanket. The screaming wasn’t always followed by violence but eventually just the sound was enough, the threat of pain to come. Most instances blend together but there was one time... This big towering guy, with a face I can’t remember. He was screaming and I froze. Turns out that was a mistake. He wanted a reaction. He reached out a massive hand and grabbed my arm. Snapped it clean in half. I don’t remember what happened after that. They must have taken me to the hospital. I just remember pain, blinding pain and screaming. Then darkness.”
She doesn’t notice she’s crying until she feels hands on her face, wiping away her tears. She looks up into Regina shimmering, haunted eyes.
“I’m so sorry Emma.”
“Why? You’re not the asshole who broke my arm.”
“No but it is my fault you were separated from your family. Left vulnerable to the whims of despicable bastards.”
Emma takes Regina’s hands into her own.
“Listen Regina. There’s no way you could have known what would happen to me when I went through that portal. And in the end it wasn’t your decision to send me through anyway. That was my parents’ choice to make. It wasn’t your fault.”
Regina’s breath hitches. “Do you really believe that?”
Emma smiles. “Of course. I don’t blame you Regina. So don’t put that on yourself. Either way you’ve more than made up for it at this point.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well you raised our son to be an amazing, empathetic, genius. You’ve saved mine and my family’s lives more than once and you’re here right now. Letting me tell you all this even though it hurts you. Even though I know it brings back terrible memories of your own.
Regina doesn’t confirm the truth in those words, instead she plates up the previously abandoned food.
“Make yourself useful and go call Henry to breakfast.”
Emma nods sliding off her stool and walking heavily up the steps to summon their son.
They reappear together. Two scruffy, sleepy figures. Regina is struck by how alike they look. It used to irritate her, back when the words “My son,” and “You don’t know what I’m capable of” were said by a frightened, broken woman. Now it just warms her heart.
Breakfast is quiet, but warm and comforting. Regina is pleased to notice Emma cleans her, slightly smaller than usual, plate. The bags under her eyes have gotten smaller and some colour has returned to her cheeks. Henry seems to have noticed as well. Waking slowly as he eats, he turns bright eyes on his blonde mother.
“You look better mom. Sleep well?”
Emma smirks at Regina before replying, “I did. Your mom has been helpful.”
“That’s good. Does that mean you’re staying?”
Emma turns to Regina, who lifts an eyebrow in question.
“Maybe a few more days,” Emma concedes. The two brunettes share a smile of relief.
“You’ll also be taking some time off from Sheriff duty.”
Emma’s eyes flash at this development. “Since when?”
“Since I, as Mayor and your boss, decided you are on sick leave for at least the next week.”
Emma attempts to protest. “That’s not fair! You can’t just-”
“I can and I have! You can’t expect to do your job well in your current state. That’s not fair to the people you work with. You will take the week to focus on your recovery and then we can reevaluate.”
Another stare down ensues, which Emma of course loses. She throws her hands up in defeat.
“FINE! But I’m not just gonna sit around here doing nothing all week. That would drive me insane.”
“Perhaps it’s time to find a hobby Miss Swan. Or are you a child, who needs to be provided activities to occupy and amuse you?”
Emma huffs and Henry smirks into his plate.
“I see that kid. You try winning an argument with your mother and tell me how that works out.”
Henry just shakes his head. “It was dumb of you to try. You know how mom gets when she’s worried about anyone she loves.”
Regina doesn’t deny the charge and Emma feels her heartbeat quicken because the thought that Regina loves her, is almost too much.
“Yeah I do.”
XXXX
Emma picks up an old hobby instead. She runs.
She runs for the thrill of it. The feeling of the wind whipping through her hair is invigorating and she missed it. She had no idea how much. She also catches up on some shows she’s missed and rereads an old favourite book. She feels the tension seeping out of her day by day.
Every night finds Regina in her bed. She rouses her when she starts to whimper, before the nightmares can properly take hold. Then she wraps herself around Emma until she’s lulled back to sleep by the steady beat of her heart.
In the mornings, she wakes encircled by Regina’s arms, content and well rested, bad almost-dreams barely a thought.
They don’t talk about what it means.
XXXX
Over the following week, meals become more boisterous. Emma’s presence lending a certain vibrancy to the atmosphere. Just her and Henry is fine but her, Henry and Emma is better. There is a balance there that she wasn’t aware was missing. Regina is struck by the thought that she could get used to this. Used to the sight of this beautiful blonde woman at her table, teasing her son and shooting her grins. Scolding the blonde like the overgrown toddler she is as she talks with her mouth full or spills ketchup on the table.
The thought of sharing her life fully with this woman appeals to her in ways she hadn’t truly realized until right now.
But Emma is only there because she’s hurting and for some inexplicable reason, Regina’s presence provides her comfort. She’s arrogant enough to know it couldn’t be just anyone. Her and Emma share a connection that far surpasses any other bond Regina has ever known. But she doesn’t delude herself into thinking Emma would be here, letting Regina take care of her, if she wasn’t in a bad way. If she wasn’t heartbroken and sleep deprived. Emma wouldn’t be looking past her more than friendly glances and accepting this new level of physicality to their relationship if she weren’t vulnerable. Regina decides she’s going to do whatever Emma needs to make her feel like herself again. Even if that will lead to her not leaning on Regina anymore, which she’s come to enjoy.
XXXX
A week turns into a month. They don’t talk about it. Instead they discuss a movie marathon. Henry wants to watch all the Star Wars movies including the new one. Emma is totally down, but can’t imagine it being something Regina would be into. She’s surprised to find out Regina is a closet Star Wars fan. She’s seen all the movies on the big screen.
“She can quote most of The Empire Strikes back line for line.”
“You’re kidding me. You’re mom’s a nerd?”
“Totally. Where do you think I get it from? Don’t call her that though, she probably won’t take it well.”
Regina chooses that moment to enter the room, wearing what is definitely a Rey t-shirt.
“Oh my god, you are a nerd,” Emma laughs.
Regina chooses not to comment glaring at her in passing as she moves to put the blu ray in.
Emma ends up in between Henry and Regina. Surrounded by familial warmth, Emma can’t help but think there’s no place she’d rather be. Whatever it took, whatever she’s been through to be in this moment with her two favourite people in the word, just watching a movie together, it was worth it.
XXXX
They’ve taken to sitting in the living room together. Close on the couch, sharing that blanket Emma loves so much. Sometimes they watch something. Some procedural Regina predicts the ending of correctly almost every time, a terrible comedy Emma insists is super funny and Regina has to see. Other times they’re quiet. Emma reading slowly, moving over words with her fingers mouthing along silently while Regina does paperwork or reads a novel of her own choosing.
Regina watches her and feels this fondness for the blonde flow through her. She doesn’t realize she’s staring until Emma looks up with a frown.
“Why are you staring at me?”
“I’m sorry I-”
“You probably think I look stupid.”
“What?”
“The way I read,” Emma sighs. “Following with my finger, mouthing the words.”
“It is certainly unique. I can assure you I don’t think you look silly, just engrossed. It’s...cute.”
Emma blushes and ducks her head.
“I’m dyslexic. The letters...they shift around. The finger and the mouthing of the words, it’s helps me keep everything straight in my brain.”
“I had no idea.”
“Yeah. I try not to do it around people so much because it kind of looks ridiculous. But when I’m reading for pleasure it helps me move along faster and keeps everything clearer.”
“Was that–was that why you dropped out of school. The dyslexia?”
Emma nods. “Partly. And the bullying. Being shuffled from place to place, being poor and also not being very good at reading. It made it hard to learn anything. I didn’t want to confess I had a problem because I didn’t want to give anyone more reason to look down on me, and no teachers ever caught it because I was never around enough. It wasn’t until prison that I knew what it was called. The counsellor there helped me figure out some things that worked for me.”
“The same counsellor who diagnosed your PTSD.”
“Yeah. He really helped me figure myself out. I don’t know where I’d be without that guy.”
Regina nods in contemplation. She shifts a little, her leg sliding slowly down Emma’s bare left leg. She shudders slightly and her eyes grow large at the action. She can feel heat spreading across her cheeks and hopes Regina doesn’t notice.
“Have you spoken to that counsellor since you got out?”
It takes Emma a little to realize Regina has spoken again.
“Hmmm? Umh no. I mean… I thought about it, but when I got out I just wanted to put that time behind me completely, you know? I did say thank you before I was released though.”
“That’s good. I’m sure he would be proud to see what you’ve made of yourself. Sounds like he had high hopes for you.”
He’d been one of the few people to ever offer her help without wanting anything in return. At least nothing beyond her getting better. Emma knows she owes him a lot.
“You should be proud of yourself as well.”
Emma scoffs, bitterly, “Proud of what? I’ve basically reverted back to being that damaged fuck up at seventeen.”
Regina’s eyes glint with anger, “Do not speak of yourself that way. Sure you’ve made mistakes, you’ve had setbacks recently. But you’ve learned from them. You protected yourself when you needed to. And you haven’t run. You’re facing your problems, a thing I know you would rather not be doing.. Tell me, does none of this show growth?”
She did beat the shit out of Hook. Sure she was a bit worried she’d almost killed him, at the time but he was still alive and Regina was right, she had just been protecting herself. Truth be told finally standing up to him, scaring him as thoroughly as she did, maybe she is a little proud of that.
And Regina was also right about her facing her issues. Talking them through so she could work past them although that probably had more to do with her brunette companion than she knew. Seventeen-year-old her would have taken off a long time ago. Hell, the magic bullshit would have been enough to send people saner than her running, and yet she’d stayed. She’d stayed and she’d fought. She’d taken on the weight of responsibility for several lives including the lives of her own family and she’d faced it all. So maybe she’d let herself stay with a shitty boyfriend who didn’t deserve her for far longer than she should have? It was a mistake and a pretty awful one but she was sure she wouldn’t make it again.
“Aside from the saviour garbage. You’re a great mother. A loving daughter and friend, and a competent sheriff,” Regina adds with a smirk. “You should be proud of what you’ve become and the life you’ve created, as I am. You’re the best person I know.”
Emma sniffs trying to blink back tears. “You’re proud of me?”
A warm hand tilts her chin up and she meets watery brown eyes. “Very proud. I feel privileged to call you my friend, especially after everything we’ve been through. A lesser person would never do the things that you’ve done for me, saving me time and again. Only someone as courageous, selfless and idiotic as you would risk your life for the woman that once tried to destroy your entire family. “
She brings a hand up to cover Regina’s. She’s not sure how long they sit there looking into each other's eyes before Regina moves.
“I should start dinner,” Regina offers a warm smile as she rises and heads for the kitchen.
Emma’s stomach does this weird fluttery thing, she’s pretty sure it doesn’t have anything to do with food. She sits there until dinner reading, trying fruitlessly not to think about what just happened between her and her best friend. She doesn’t remember a word.
XXXX
Regina knows she’s screwed.
Emma Swan is messy and loud. She talks while she chews and never makes her bed, and for a woman with a wardrobe largely consisting of tank tops and jeans, she seems to make a ridiculous amount of laundry.
She’s also funny and thoughtful. She has a laugh that lights up her whole face and sniffles like a toddler sometimes in her sleep.
When Regina looks at her, she sees a future. Just like this. They raise Henry together and fight together and live together until they’re old and Emma is still making her laugh and feel safe.
She wants to cherish her for as long as she lives. Wants to remind her every day of just how proud she is of her, how remarkable she believes her to be and how grateful she is to have her in her life.
She wants to wake up molded around that warm, lithe body and whisper away any nightmares until Emma feels secure and loved as she should.
And she’s so screwed because Emma is leaving.
“I just think I should try to sleep alone again. I don’t want to put you out like this any more. And I have to be able to stand on my own two feet eventually.”
Regina frowns in frustration. Emma is leaving, of course Emma is leaving. She knew this day was coming and yet it still caught her flat footed. The thought of the woman waking up alone screaming again is making her anxious.
“So stay in your room here and I’ll stay in mine?”
“I just need some space alright? I know I said that last time and then I kind of fell apart but I want to try again. I need to be able to function without you there like some safety net. I need to do this for me, to prove to myself that I can.”
Emma is right. Regina knows this. It is healthy for her to learn to cope on her own. It’s healthy for her to depend less on Regina but she also selfishly doesn’t want that. She wants her to need her, she wants her to stay. So she snaps.
“Fine. I was getting tired of having you under foot anyway. I guess you’ll have to break it to our son that he’ll need to go back to splitting his time between homes again.” Regina storms from the room with those words, leaving a bewildered Emma in her wake.
She goes to her room and lays in the dark, staring at the ceiling. This isn’t the end of the world, she knows this, but she can’t help but think it’s the end of a look at a beautiful picture of a future she can’t help but yearn for.
When she leaves her room later, Emma has left. There’s a note on the counter.
“I spoke to Henry. He wanted to stay with me but I wasn’t sure if that would be okay with you.
I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me Regina. I’m sorry I overstayed my welcome and that I upset you in any way. I’ll give you some space for a few days.
Thanks again, Emma.”
When Henry texts to ask for permission to stay with Emma, she doesn’t hesitate to say yes. She’d rather someone be there if Emma needs anything. She eats dinner and goes to bed early. Feeling drained beyond reason.
As she tosses and turns she worries about Emma and tries not to miss the comfort of being pressed up against her, under that enchanted blanket. She gets barely any sleep, preoccupied with wanting something she knows she has no right to.
XXXX
Emma Swan is so screwed. From that conversation on the couch, when Regina had said she was proud of her and those other amazing things about her, Emma knew she was screwed.
From when she’d shuddered at the feeling of Regina’s skin rubbing against hers, she’d known she was screwed.
Because ever since she hadn’t been able to touch the woman without feeling a flush of arousal or want. She’d been barely restraining herself every night when they shared a bed. Regina would move in a certain way and her leg would make contact with her crotch or a hand would brush her nipple and she’d have to bite back a moan. She could barely hold herself back from jumping the woman.
She’d known for years there was something between them, or at least there could be. From sexual tension when they hated each other, to a slowly building deep affection she’d thought was mostly platonic. She had a boyfriend and Regina had Robin. Regina was her best friend and she was gorgeous, but it was enough.
Except now Robin is dead and Hook is gone and Regina is...well she’s everything isn’t she.
Her best friend and safe place. Her biggest cheerleader. And she’s always there with her now casual touches and kind, soul warming smiles and Emma is screwed.
Because she’s so in love with this woman.
She’d tried to convince herself at first that it was just a sex thing. Hook was gone and she was...well not getting any. But she knew it went deeper than that. She just wanted to sit with her. She wanted to watch her cook and do little things for her to surprise her and make her smile. She just wanted to stay in that house, in that bed with her forever.
But Hook had just left and Regina is her friend. Her best friend, mourning her soul mate and even though she thinks Regina might feel the same she’s not sure.
So she says she needs space and she leaves. She sleeps wrapped in her favourite blanket that mysteriously smells of the woman and she tries not to be hurt by the last words Regina said to her. She’d seen the flash of hurt when she said she was leaving. She didn’t mean it, Emma tries to convince herself. She tries to take some space and hopes that this desire to go back and beg for a place in that house, beside that woman, fades at least a little.
She is at least sleeping better. And back at work. Her mother and father are both pleased she seems to be coming around. The flashbacks have all but vanished and her appetite is back.
She runs most days. She is mostly back to feeling alright. Except that ache to see her best friend won’t go away and Regina hasn’t come by and how can anything be right if Regina is upset with her? It can’t. She needs to make things right between them. She needs to make sure Regina knows how much she appreciated everything Regina did for her. She needs to see her, to talk to her, to hear her laugh again. Because maybe she is better, but nothing is okay without Regina.
A week after she left she picks up a bottle of wine and some flowers and heads for the mayoral mansion. She knows Regina is home alone because she’d asked Henry and he’d been very enthusiastic about her mending the rift between them.
“She misses you mom. I don’t think she’s been sleeping as well since you left.”
She wants it to be true, that not having Emma sleeping next to her has made it hard for her to rest. She both hopes Regina has felt her absence and that Regina is doing fine without her because how can she want the woman she loves to suffer in any way?
Did she mention she’s screwed.
When Emma gets to the door of the mansion, she hesitates. What if Regina is doing fine without her and visiting her will be nothing but an inconvenience? What if she realizes her life is easier without this grown woman and all her baggage?
It doesn’t make sense to turn around since she’s already there so she lifts her hand, takes a deep breath and knocks.
The door swings open to the vision of Regina in yoga pants, glasses and her favourite cozy wooly socks. Emma can tell she must have been doing paperwork, she looks slightly harried. When Regina’s eyes meet Emma’s, the smile that comes to her face is so large and almost goofy that Emma feels the air knocked out of her lungs. There’s very little doubt a woman who looks at her like that doesn’t share her feelings. How could she have missed this?
“Emma. Hello. How have you been?” Regina’s attempts to turn her smile down a few notches are complete failures. Emma knows she’s just as bad.
“Fine actually, better. The nightmares have tapered off. I’m back to eating like a man twice my size.”
“Good I’m glad.” They stay there beaming at each other, neither wanting to be the one to break the moment.
“Are those for me?” Regina gestures to Emma’s hands which she’s forgotten are full.
“Oh yeah, yes. I actually wanted to come by and make sure we were okay and say thank you again. So uhhh thanks.” Emma raises the items towards a blushing Regina.
“Come in. Let me put these in water.” She leaves the door open for Emma and heads to the kitchen to find an empty vase for the flowers.
“How did you know I like orchids?”
“I think you mentioned it, something about growing them with your dad back in the Enchanted Forest.”
“You remembered that.”
“I remember everything you tell me Regina.”
The woman’s cheeks tint again and Emma can feel her own doing the same.
“I’m sorry for just leaving out of the blue. I wanted to prove to myself I was better. I didn’t intend to upset you.”
“No actually I owe you an apology.” Regina moves from leaning against the counter to take a seat beside Emma at the island. “I didn’t mean it when I said I was tired of you. You caught me off guard and I reacted defensively. Please don’t ever believe you’re not welcome here.”
Emma feels something within her settle at that statement. She squeezes Regina’s arm reassuringly.
“It’s fine. As long as we’re okay?”
“We are.” And then they’re smiling again.
“Would you like to stay for dinner. We can share this probably awful bottle of wine you brought for me.”
“I’ll have you know I asked what you regularly get at the wine store, so I know it’s good.”
“Hmmm clever girl,” Regina murmurs.
Emma feels a tug low in her stomach, she licks her lips unconsciously. “I’ll stay. We can catch up.”
“Excellent,” Regina replies brightly. “I’ll even let you help me this time. Nothing you could possibly burn or over salt.”
“I’m not that bad,” Emma huffs good-naturedly.
“Whatever you say, Swan.”
XXXX
Dinner is delicious. They talk the entire way through the meal, both eager to hear everything they’ve missed. Not much has happened, but they’d both grown so used to knowing every moment of the others day they can’t help but want to hear every little thing.
When the meal is over Regina asks if Emma would like to stay for a movie.
“Henry won’t be home tonight. I would appreciate the company.”
“Sure. Of course.”
The end up in familiar positions. Heads on opposite sides of the couch, legs entwined. Emma flicks her wrist and summons her favourite blanket. She notices Regina raising an eyebrow in question.
“What it’s my favourite.”
“Hmm I’m sure.”
“I think it helped me sleep without you..it smells like you.”
“Really?” Regina questions in surprise. Emma doesn’t know about the enchantment. The idea that she is the thing that brings Emma the most comfort is clearly baffling.
“Yeah. It’s weird because my mom washed it by accident,” She raises a hand to ward off questions, “don’t ask. It came out still smelling like you. How is that?”
“I don’t know? Maybe we use the same laundry detergent?” Regina sniffs, eyes roaming.
“Sure...” Emma smirks disbelievingly. “It’s fine. I like it really. I won’t ask what you did to it.”
Regina scowls and Emma chuckles in return.
They turn on a movie. Treasure Planet, Regina’s pick but one they’ve seen together before and both enjoyed. They watch mostly silently just basking in the others presence. Until Emma begins to stare at Regina. She ignores it but after 5 minutes she can’t help but ask.
“What?”
Emma blushes because she’s being obvious and Jesus has she always had game this bad? This woman scrambles her brain, makes her behave like the shy girl she once was but not in a bad way. What she feels for Regina is so large and pure. Overwhelming like a first love but far deeper. She knows this woman, truly knows her and she loves her for her faults not in spite of them. She wants to tell her.
“This past week. Moving back to my house went okay. But I’ve kinda missed it here. Mostly I’ve just missed you.”
She sees many emotions ripple across Regina’s face before it settles on something pleased and shy.
“I missed you too, Emma.”
They watch the rest of the movie without another word.
XXXX
“You should stay over tonight.”
Regina makes the remark after a particularly big yawn and stretch from her blonde friend.
“If you’re sure?”
“It’s not like you haven’t before. It’s no problem. Come along dear.”
Regina turns off the T.V. and leads the way upstairs. She goes straight into her bedroom to get ready leaving Emma to head to her designated spare.
Emma brushes her teeth, slips off her jeans and moves under her blanket. 2 minutes later the door opens.
“Regina what are you-”
The former queen moves to the other side of the bed and lays down.
“I just thought...For old times sake...”
She trails off, giving up on her feeble attempts to explain her actions.
“Oh come here then,” Emma says, after an awkward silence, arms open wide.
Regina smiles shyly, carefully laying her head on Emma’s chest, slinging an arm over her waist.
Emma is silently freaking out. This has to be a sign right? Regina had come into her room, her bed, without prompting and with no real excuse. She must want this. She must miss the feeling of Emma’s skin as much as Emma misses hers. Emma decides this is her chance to make a move.
She begins slowly dragging her fingers across Regina’s arm. She feels goosebumps forming under her fingers. She kisses the top of Regina’s head and the woman hums in response. She adjusts a bit and moves to kiss her cheek. The arm around her waist pulls tighter. Finally she goes for it, putting her lips against those she’s longed to feel for so long. Regina surges forward at the contact, before stiffening. She shoves at Emma’s shoulders.
“Emma.”
The blonde stops immediately, eyes wide. “But I thought-”
“No.” It comes out harsh and final. Emma shakes her head in confusion, before pulling back in haste. She jumps out of the bed and pulls back on her jeans.
“Emma-”
“No it’s fine. I should go. I just – This was a mistake.”
She’s running down the stairs before Regina can even move from the bed. Her legs carry her home, eyes blurred with tears.
XXXX
“Fuck.”
Regina shouts 5 minutes after she’s heard Emma slam the door, after the blonde had jumped from bed embarrassed and hurt. She’d fucked up. She’d just been so...The whole thing had been happening so fast.
One second she was screaming at herself in her head. Trying to find a way to excuse herself without further shame after she’d sidled into the woman’s bed without thought. She’s just been so desperate to be near her after days without, she hadn’t thought of a reason before climbing in beside Emma. Instead of forcing one from her, Emma had opened her arms to her and Regina had gone into them more than willingly.
It was almost new because she’d never been held by Emma, only the other way around. But it wasn’t strange, because she still smelled the same, honey and vanilla and just a hint of leather and they still fit together so well. It was nice, like coming home, to be in close contact with Emma again. And when the woman had begun to kiss her and rub her arm she’d relished it. Then they were kissing and it was everything Regina had wanted for so long, everything she thought she shouldn’t, wouldn’t ever have. Emma kissed like she fought, a strange finesse, awkward but graceful in her own way. She kissed like her life depended on it.
Then she remembered the woman kissing her was her best friend. The same best friend recovering from a traumatic event with her past lover and she just, freaked out. She pushed her away. She said, “No” as if it were the end of things. Instead of a beginning. The beginning of something wonderful that she’d been hoping for, for ages. Really she’d been saying no to herself, not like this and no to Emma, not unless you mean it. But she hadn’t elaborated and then it was too late and Emma was gone and everything was a fucking mess.
She’d fucked up. She’d hurt Emma even though that had been the last of her intentions.
She knew she needed to fix things but she wasn’t sure how. The first few days she’d given the blonde space. She had been to busy trying to figure out exactly how to word things, worrying if the woman would even want to see her.
By the time she’d figured out that there were no words really, that she just needed to be honest and tell her how she felt, she realized the woman was avoiding her.
And doing a spectacular job of it to boot. Regina would enter the diner only to see the door leading to the rear exit swinging closed, a befuddled Ruby staring at it. She would enter the police station only to see a puff of magic or have David tell her Emma had gone on patrol. She even tried to teleport into the blonde’s house but it seemed to be magically blocked in some way. Apparently Emma had picked up some tricks during her time as the dark one.
She called and received no answer. She texted more than once and got no reply unless it was in relation to something to do with Henry. Regina was at a loss. It was obvious the woman was going to great extremes to keep away from her. Perhaps this was one of those time she just had to let things lay, no matter how that thought pained her. She missed Emma to distraction and she longed more than anything just to talk to her and make things right but she couldn’t make the Emma listen to her. No, she would have to hope Emma would eventually come to her when she was ready. She would just have to wait and hope that would be soon.
XXXX
Someone else came to her first.
Snow showed up at Regina’s home five days into the silence between her and Emma. Though she wasn’t in the mood to deal with the princess at that moment, she assumed it had something to do with Emma and she was concerned about the woman.
“Yes Snow? Is everyone alright?”
Snow sat in the chair across from Regina. She frowned and cast her eyes about as if searching for a way to start the conversation.
“Spit it out, I don’t have all day.”
“You and Emma... Are you involved?”
Regina used every old trick in her book to keep her face neutral. How could Snow possibly have known about what happened between them? Surely Emma hadn’t told her.
“What are you talking about?”
“Are you and my daughter dating or...sleeping together?” Snow asked again, insistently.
Regina sucked in a breath. “Where did you get that idea?”
“She runs from you. Every time she sees you from a distance she get’s this panicked lovesick look on her face, as if seeing you hurts her and she has to get away but she wants nothing more than to run to you. Every time I say your name she changes the subject.”
“I don’t see how that-”
“Just be honest.” Regina sighed.
“Nothing happened and I don’t think anything will at this point. I stopped her, I hurt her.”
“Good.”
Regina sat back in surprise, “Good?”
“Well not good that she’s hurt but good that you stopped her. With everything going on with her, she’s hardly in the right place to enter into another romance, especially not with you.”
“Why especially me?” Regina demanded indignantly.
“It’s just...you’ve been there for her through this bad time and how can either of you be sure what she’s feeling isn’t just gratitude? I’d hate to see your friendship ruined because you mistook the love of friendship for a different kind.”
What could she say to that? It’s not like these exact thoughts hadn’t crossed Regina’s mind. This was the entire reason she’d decided not to pursue anything with Emma in the first place. Because how could she be sure Emma’s feelings weren’t misconstrued feelings of gratitude? How could she be sure she wasn’t taking advantage of Emma in a vulnerable state to get something she wanted?
“I-” Regina started to try to explain exactly that when Henry ran into the room.
“You’re wrong!”
Snow turned to him in shock, “Henry what-”
“You’re wrong! Emma loves my mom. You haven’t been here. You haven’t seen the way they look at each other. The way they are with each other. Mom laughs, she’s silly like she only ever is with me. And Emma...Emma looks at mom like she can’t believe she exists. Mom will just be cooking and Emma will sit there in the kitchen and watch her like it’s the most fascinating and beautiful thing she’s ever seen. This has nothing to do with what that bastard Hook did to her. They love each other. They have loved each other since before Hook and probably before Robin. Why else do they always protect and save one another? Why else do they get each other in a way no else ever has?”
Regina is stunned. She hadn’t thought she’d been that obvious, then again, who knew her better than her son. Of course he’d seen their true feelings even before they did.
“Henry-”
“You love her mom. And she doesn’t know. I don’t know what happened to make her doubt that but she does and it’s killing her. She just sits wrapped in that blanket you gave her watching T.V. quietly. She’s sad mom. You have to fix this. You have to talk to her.”
“I tried Henry. She won’t pick up her phone. She leaves whatever building I enter. With her magic, if she really doesn’t want to see me, there’s almost nothing I can do about it.”
“I can get you into the apartment. If you’ll come with me?”
Regina turns to Snow and raises a brow in question.
“Go to her. We both know I never know what I’m talking about anyway.”
Regina shoots Snow a small smirk before turning back to her son.
“Take me to her.”
XXXX
She’s an idiot. She’d seen what she wanted to see. Of course Regina doesn’t want her. Regina had a soulmate. So what if he’s dead? She couldn’t possibly live up to that. She couldn’t be enough for a woman like Regina. A queen, who deserved everything.
But she had wanted to be.
She wanted to be enough for Regina because Regina was everything to her.
She’d been deluded and gotten her hopes up and her heart crushed.
Emma Swan, an idiot.
She should have known after Hook, her judgement was flawed when it came to romance. Actually her judgement was flawed in general. Her life was full of bad calls. The only time her instincts ever seemed to get things right was when she was chasing down criminals or fighting evil. When it came to her personal life, it was one big perpetual mistake.
So she’s been avoiding Regina, like a coward. Backsliding in more ways than one, running from her problems.
She’s disgusted by herself but not enough to stop running every time she catches a glimpse of her (former?) friend. She knows she needs to talk to her, apologize for the misunderstanding. She knows she wants Regina in her life but she’s going to have to talk this out with her awkwardly first.
She plans to do that whenever sight of her doesn’t crack her heart open all over again.
She can’t talk to her, she just isn’t ready. But she misses her fiercely.
She draws that blanket around herself, the one that smells just like her and she sits and she hurts. She knows it’s probably a little pathetic. She swears she’ll stop. Stop just sitting there surrounded by Regina’s smell, replaying every intimate moment they’ve ever shared and wishing she could have more, forever.
She knows she’s freaking Henry out again. This isn’t like last time, this wallowing isn’t the result of a mental health crisis, just a good old fashioned broken heart. But she can’t exactly explain that, so she tells him she’s okay. She makes sure he sees her eating and going to work and she talks to him.
And she sits. In that blanket. On the couch. It really is a problem.
“Emma Swan.”
That sounds like...but it can’t be.
Except it is. Somehow Regina has gotten into her home, past her wards. She should be surprised but she finds she is not. The woman walks into her living room and Emma feels that familiar pull take her instantly. She turns her eyes to the blank wall to resist it.
“We need to talk.” Regina’s eyes spark with determination.
“I know.”
Clearly not expecting that, Regina takes a seat beside her, eyeing her skeptically.
“I thought that you - that we-” Emma stops again. Trying to get her words in order.
“I misinterpreted what was happening between us. And I’m sorry. You were - very caring and helpful in a time when I desperately needed that. If I took your actions to be more than friendly that was entirely my fault. I was wrong and I apologize. I hope we can still be friends.”
There, she'd said it. She’s said her piece like a grownup and now things can go back to the way they were. Once Emma’s heart stops feeling as if it’s being squeezed in a vice grip every time Regina so much as breathes.
Emma waits for a snarky remark. Instead she feels hands framing her face, and suddenly Regina’s mouth is against hers. The kiss is earnest and tender, it lasts until they’re both gasping for air. When Regina pulls away her eyes are sparkling.
“Woah.”
“As articulate as ever Miss Swan,” Regina smirks.
Emma looks at her with obvious confusion.
“Our son informs me that our feelings for each other are obvious.”
“Our feelings? For each other?”
“Your mother even came by to warn me off. She was worried, as you were, as I also was, that we may have confused something.”
“Wait my mom went to see you? What did she say?”
Regina places a finger over her mouth.
“That is not important dear. What is, is what I feel for you and what I suspect you feel for me.”
Emma gestures for Regina to elaborate so as not to be shushed again.
“I love you, Emma Swan. I had you in my bed, in my house, for weeks. And during that time I came to realize there was nothing else missing from my life. You were it. You and your mess and your cockiness were everything I had wanted without really knowing. I love you and want you to move in with Henry and I permanently. I want to make you feel safe and loved for as long as you’ll allow me to because you deserve nothing less.”
Emma looked at Regina awestruck because surely this couldn’t be happening. This woman, this Queen, world class beauty, her best friend. Surely she could not want her back?
“Regina.”
She could see the woman’s face, she looked both hopeful and terrified there was no other excuse for it. She must have meant it. And she was waiting for an answer, face falling with every passing second.
“You know I never really liked this place.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Killian picked it out. It’s way too big for just Henry and I. And not at all my style. I never really felt at home here you know? I felt the same way about the mansion at first…”
A small smile begins to tug at Regina’s mouth. “And now?”
“Well my family is there, what more could I possibly need?”
They’re smiling again. Emma tugs Regina’s mouth back to her’s, and they kiss until they hear someone clearing their throat behind them.
“Are you done being gross yet. I want to go home,” Henry asks with a smile.
The women stand and walk towards their son, hands clasped. The family shares a warm smile.
“Of course, kid. Let’s go home.”
And with a puff of smoke, they do just that.
-THE END-
-Epilogue-
Emma eventually tells her parents about what happened with Hook and her PTSD. It strengthens their bond and helps them understand her in a way they hadn’t previously. They both look sick and filled with rage by the end of the whole ordeal. Like they would hurt every person who’d ever laid a hand on their daughter if given the chance. Regina can honestly say she’s never felt more on the same page with them.
When they request her presence at their home and ask her not to tell Emma she knows exactly what it’s about.
“ Regina. We want Hook.”
“ He deserves to be punished for what he did!”
And you don’t think your daughter beating him within an inch of his life was enough punishment?”
“ No,” David bites out, fists clenching in anger. “He traumatized her. He needs to pay.”
“ He can’t be free to do the same to another unsuspecting woman,” Snow adds.
Regina tilts her head in thought. “What do you think would be suitable? It would be hard to bring him back to this realm but say, I could send him a...message in our old one?”
“ Don’t kill him but make sure that he never forgets. That he can never hit another woman again.”
Regina smiles, deviously. “That can be arranged.” She rises to leave.
“ And Regina? Don’t tell Emma.”
“ I will not lie to her if she asks me directly but I definitely won’t go out of my way to bring it up.”
The Charmings nod at her in understanding and she gives them one in return before leaving.
XXXX
She goes to her vault and waves a hand across a mirror, the image of large man appears.
“ Do you have him?”
“ Yes I have the snivelling pirate. He was drunk, it wasn’t difficult.”
“ Good. And our deal?”
“ Still the same. Passage for my children and I in exchange for whatever you’d like done to him, barring murder.”
“ Of course.” Regina has thought long and hard about how Killian Jones should suffer for hurting the woman she loves. She likes to think of herself as mostly reformed but times like these remind her she will always have darkness inside her. She will allow herself this one opportunity to feed her inner demons. God knows the man deserves it after the torture he’d delivered her to. But this isn’t about her, this is about her family.
“ Take his hand. They call him Captain Hook, it’s only fitting he have a matching set.” The man nods his understanding. He pulls a sword, finely sharpened, from his scabbard.
“ And his balls.” The man does not flinch, but looks at her curiously.
“ And make sure the words “woman beater” are burned into his forehead.”
At this her mysterious compatriot smiles. “I’m going to enjoy this.”
“ Thank you Artis. You are welcome in Storybrooke any time. I look forward to meeting your children.”
The man tips his head in Regina’s direction. “Your majesty.”
She nods in response and with another wave. The man’s image is gone.
A few days later she receives a bag containing a stone. She holds it and the image of one Killian Jones’ hand and balls being removed plays like a movie in her head. She hears him scream in agony. He passes out as the words of choice are branded into his skin.
She locks the stone away with a smile.