Chapter Text
[1:08 am]
Tsukasa forced his eyes open. He had to practice for the upcoming show. For his role, William, he had to think about killing his own family. At least that was what Sakaki said.
“Tsukasa-kun?” Tsukasa turned to the door, where Saki, his sister, was standing. “Why aren't you asleep?” he asked, knowing full well that he couldn't be talking. Saki walked over to his bed and sat down. She flopped down on the blankets with a sigh and stared up at the ceiling. “I couldn't sleep. I'm bored.”
“Oh,” Tsukasa mumbled. He took a seat in the chair by his desk. “It's 1am, Saki,” He said quietly, eyeing Saki, who was still lying on his bed. “I had a nightmare,” Saki began. “I saw you dead. On the floor. Just dead.” Saki was sitting up now, looking like she was about to cry. It was right then that Tsukasa realized how horrible of a person he was. His own sister was worried about him, and he was here thinking about killing her. Tsukasa got up and sat on the bed next to Saki, “Don't worry, little sis. It's just a nightmare. That would never happen.” Tsukasa's words seemed to reassure Saki a bit. That was the least he could do. “Thank you, Tsukasa-kun. I'll go back to bed.” And with that, Saki left the room, glancing back worriedly before closing the door.
Tsukasa blinked, realising that he was slowly drifting off.
I'll have to practice more. Stop thinking about that.
-☆-
[8:14 am]
“Tsukasa-kun, you look tired again.” Tsukasa knew that. He remembered falling asleep at 3 am last night. “I practiced a lot last night. I ended up falling asleep pretty late. I-It's fine though, I still got a full 8 hours.” That was a lie. His best friend, Rui, narrowed his eyes. “Are you sure? You seem a bit…tired,” he said, inspecting Tsukasa's tired face. “Don’t overwork yourself, ok?” Tsukasa nodded excitedly. “Ok!” he said in his usual confident voice. Rui smiled and walked away.
Tsukasa quickly let out a yawn he'd been suppressing.
-☆-
[4:23 pm]
As soon as Tsukasa got home, he locked himself in his room, starting to practice his role immediately. His phone got a notification, and he reached to read the message.
Saki
Saki♡
I'm gonna practice with Ichi and the others today
I’ll be home before 6:30
Tsukasa☆
Ok
Mom and dad are still at work
Saki♡
see you later!!!(*´∀`)♪
Tsukasa takes a deep breath and begins to practice again.
-☆-
[4:52 pm]
Think about killing your family.
Tsukasa put his head in his hands. He felt guilty for some reason. It was just a role for acting; why did he feel so bad? Out of frustration, Tsukasa slammed his fists on his desk.
I deserve to be punished for thinking about this.
TW: SH (in this paragraph)
Sighing loudly, he took a pencil and rubbed the pointy end on his arm. He pushed it down hard, leaving a gray mark on his wrist. Scars lined his lower arm and wrist, just far up enough to hide under his sleeves. He didn't know how long he had been doing this now, but he knew it got worse since his training with Sakaki started. He stared at his wrist before stabbing it with the pencil. Harder this time. Hard enough to break skin. He did it a few more times before slamming the pencil down and standing up to make dinner.
I can't be useless forever.
-☆-
[6:11 pm]
“I'm home from practice!” Saki called. She took off her shoes and ran to the kitchen. “Onii-chan, I'm back!” Tsukasa looked up from the last dish. “Oh, hi, Saki-chan!” He turned back to the water boiling in a pot. “Do you need any help?” Saki asked. Tsukasa just shook his head, smiling kindly. “Ok, I'll go up to my room for a minute. Tell me if you need any help!”
“Alright!”
-☆-
[6:28 pm]
Tsukasa was finally done with the last dish. Breathing a sigh of relief, he went over to clear some space for the plate on the dinner table. Saki was on the couch, texting the band about their next song. “Dinner is ready!” Tsukasa yelled. Hearing this, Saki got off the couch and went to the kitchen.
“Need any help?” she asked, concerned at how much his hands were trembling. “Here, I’ll carry it.”
“Thanks…” Tsukasa mumbled just loud enough for Saki to hear. He handed the plate to Saki, who took it quickly. She couldn't help but notice bandages on his left wrist, barely visible beneath the sleeve of his shirt.
-☆-
[8:30 pm]
Tsukasa was practicing again. After finishing the homework he had neglected for a few days, he decided to keep imagining it practicing.
You can’t think about that.
I have to do this for the show.
You are a horrible person.
I have to practice for Sakaki.
You don’t deserve this life.
…
-☆-
[10:57 pm]
Tsukasa yawned, he had already practiced for around 2 and a half hours now. Most of that was spent memorizing lines, but sometimes his mind wandered off to that.
Whatever, he thought. I'll just not think about it. The hours went by, and in no time, Tsukasa found himself staring at a clock that said
[1:33 am.]
With a sigh that could've been a yawn, he changed and stared at himself in the mirror. He had bags underneath his eyes, his hair messier than usual.
Tsukasa forced himself to look away and got into bed, pulling the covers over himself. He made sure to hide the bandage on this wrist, but it still seemed a bit too obvious.
-☆-
[4:33 ?m]
Tsukasa was practicing again. He had to go meet Sakaki again tomorrow. He had locked himself in his room, not wanting to see his family after the things he thought of.
Think about killing your family.
God, how horrible he was at this. He couldn't even do method acting.
Think about killing your family.
I can't do this anymore.