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“You can’t keep doing this!” Raph yelled. Leo scoffed.
“Being responsible is your thing, Raph-a-doodle!” Leo said, twirling around aimlessly.
“But it has to be yours now too!” Raph put his hand on his heart. “I know that you’re a good leader, you got good plans when mine failed. You are a strategist who beats everyone in chess. You have a good head on your shoulders and a good gut. Please, Leo, don’t throw this away.” Leo stopped twirling facing away from Raph. He laughed.
“I know I’m good, but I’m not responsible.”
“You take this hero thing seriously, Leo, I know you do.”
“No, I never did!” Leo’s posture was getting tenser, and he was hugging himself. Raph wondered what his expression was.
“Yes, you did!” Raph growled, and man was he feeling the cain instinct right now. “But ever since Shredder, you don’t care! Some people get more responsibility and take it seriously. You?” He let out a breath. Careful, Raph, you can’t lose your temper. You could hurt him. “You just throw it away! What if…”
“What if what?” and Leo snapped towards him, glaring.
“What if someone else dies! We already lost two! No more, Leo.”
“Oh my goooosh.” Leo groaned. “You are such a buzzkill, and clearly don’t know me at all!” He frowned again. “I’m not capable of being a good leader, Raph. Not like you.”
“You are good at it, Leo.”
“My decisions with Shredder weren’t the best.”
“You got the collar! That has to count.” Raph sighed. “I mean, Pops wouldn’t stop talking about it.” He wished Splinter would talk about him that way.
“One time, Raph, one time he rants about how cool I am.” He shrugged, looking at the ceiling and turning away. He was posing comfortably but there was a tension in his eyes, and Raph saw it. He knew. “I’m his least favorite, why did he choose me?”
“Because he knows you.”
“No he doesn’t.” Leo spat out. The tension got worse, even with Leo’s casual posture as he kicked the floor.
It doesn’t matter, this isn’t about you, Leo.” Raph glared too. “People get hurt. People would die if it wasn’t for us. For us as leaders, Leo.”
“This feels like it’s about me though.” Leo said, smirking. “I mean, Dad made me the leader because he was impressed with me.” And Raph was done.
“Leo!” His voice was rising now. “This isn’t about you, don’t you get it? Do you think I asked for leadership? No! It’s something that’s earned and given, not taken.” He tried to control himself but to no avail. It had become harder since Gram-Gram.
“It’s not my fault!”
“Yes, it is!”
“What is!” Leo goaded, his grin getting bigger. “Say it, Raphael! Say it!”
YOU LEFT HER THERE! Raph’s mind yelled. YOU LEFT HER WITH SHELLDON! YOU’RE THE REASON HE’S DEAD! AND, AND, and…
And.
Raph was the reason Gram-Gram was dead.
Leo took Gram-Gram through Raph’s at least implied orders. It was a blur, so he honestly didn’t quite know. It wasn’t Leo’s fault Shelldon was dead. It wasn’t his fault Gram-Gram was dead. Because Leo had reached for her, and Raph had pulled him away. He had left her to die, Leo had only put her in a safer place. She might have lived, but she came to rescue him.
She loved him so much, but he had failed her.
“You’re the reason the mission failed.” Raph said with an exhale. He hated himself for those thoughts. It wasn’t Leo’s fault. He wasn’t the leader yet. Why couldn’t Leo understand that he was smarter with this? Why couldn’t he understand that he was better with this? That Raph had failed, and so Splinter had replaced him.
All he seemed to do was fail.
“YEAH, I got that.” Leo laughed. That jerk. Raph was seething, but Leo didn’t seem to care. “If I’m in charge it only puts people at risk.” Raph couldn’t lose more people. “And at least you’re strong.” Raph couldn’t lose more family. “And at least you didn’t set up your brother’s son to die.” Raph couldn’t process what Leo was saying. He knew he was talking, but didn’t hear him.
“If you don’t get better, our family will die.” Raph said. “We will die. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if you started an apocalypse, with your carelessness.” He turned away and left before he could see Leo’s smile fall.
He didn’t see Leo’s hurt look. How he turned away.
“He’s right.” Leo mumbled. “I can’t protect anyone, not like Raph can.”